The Joy of Being Pranked

by Inspector Brown

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer
Length: 3210

Rainbow Dash talks with Starlight Glimmer about the Ponyville Zombie Apocalypse

Although Starlight Glimmer promised to stay out of Pinkie's zombie prank, she can't help but swoop in to help Rainbow Dash pick up the pieces of her shattered heart. But Rainbow Dash has some surprising insight on the affair, and might end up changing her mind.

Published 2016-09-07 02:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-09-07 02:30:01 UTC

Chapter 1

Starlight Glimmer did not stay at Twilight’s place, despite her instructions. Pinkie Pie seemed sincere when she explained that Rainbow Dash would not take offense to her zombie prank. However, Starlight could not see how that was possible. Pinkie’s prank depended on Rainbow fearing her friends’ safety, and her own. It was bound to leave deep wounds in Rainbow’s soul that would never truly heal. Starlight had agreed not to disrupt Pinkie’s plot, and despite her personal feelings about how horrible the idea was, she intended to honor her word. However, she could not stay put and do nothing while somepony she cared about was getting emotionally tortured. She had to do something positive, and since stopping the prank was off the table, she decided instead that she would pick up the pieces of Dashie’s broken heart, and help her mend it.

Starlight wrapped her magic around herself and levitated from the balcony high into the night sky, above the tallest spire on the castle. From there, she could see the citizens of Ponyville, shambling about slowly and deliberately. She could hear them all groaning the word “Cookies!” over and over, each time dragging out the “oo” sound as if they could barely speak at all. She could not see clearly from so far away, but she knew each one of them had a rainbow mouth, and likely glazed over expressions. Starlight had to admit, the act was pretty convincing; if she didn’t know it was all a hoax, she might have believed it herself.

Poor Rainbow, Starlight thought to herself. She has no idea what’s coming.

From the direction in which the ponies were shambling, Starlight figured they were all headed toward Carousel Boutique. She could see the dress shop clearly, and if she squinted really hard, she could just make out the shapes of Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity, the CMCs, and their wagon of prank cookies. Starlight could not hear them speaking, but from the way Rainbow flailed about in mid-air, it seemed like she had spotted the approaching mob, and was telling them about it. Then Rainbow scooped up the three fillies, placed them in the wagon, hitched herself to it, and sped away. Applejack and Rarity followed as best they could. Starlight watched as the mob slowly turned to give chase.

Those two are probably leading Rainbow to some kind of shelter, Starlight mused. As soon as they’re safely boarded up inside, then they will eat the cookies, turn into “zombies”, and make poor Rainbow feel like she’s trapped! Starlight shuddered at the thought. And I’ll just bet that’s where Pinkie is planning to drop the hammer on Dash, so to speak.

Starlight lowered herself to just above the tree tops, and hovered over the mob as they shambled. By following them, she hoped to catch up to Rainbow Dash at the exact moment the ruse was revealed. She kept herself as quiet as she could, and hoped the twinkling sound of her magic didn’t draw attention to herself. She needn’t have worried; the moaning sounds of the ponies covered up any ambient noise. Why were still shambling? She knew they had to maintain the illusion, but Rainbow Dash was bound to be out of earshot by now. And if they kept up this pace, the mob wouldn’t reach the shelter until sunrise, which would have been less scary.

“All right, everypony!” Twilight Sparkle’s voice rose above the din. “I just got word from Rarity that her group is in position. In a moment, I’m going to teleport all of us to Sweet Apple Acres. This might not work, but if it does, we need to all stay in character, got it?”

“Cookies!” the mob moaned, almost as one.

“I’ll take that as a ‘yes’.” Twilight fired up her horn. “Transporting in three…two…one…”

The entire mob vanished before Starlight Glimmer’s eyes. Starlight growled in irritation. For a moment, she felt like she would never find Rainbow Dash. Then she remembered what Twilight just said: Sweet Apple Acres. Of course, it made sense that Applejack would lead her victim to her farm. Starlight knew her levitation spell had a less-than-impressive top speed, and the farm was quite a distance from where she was. If she floated the whole way there, Rainbow would be long gone. Instead, Starlight landed on the dirt road and took off at a full gallop towards Sweet Apple Acres.

She was practically out of breath when she got there. By following the faint sound of ponies laughing, Starlight located the barn where the mob had congregated. At that time, all the ponies of Ponyville were slowly milling out of the barn. Their mouths were all clean, and their coats were a normal color again. Starlight also noticed each and every one of them was laughing the hearty laugh of a job well done. Even Princess Twilight was enjoying the emotional assassination of one of her dear friends. It made Starlight feel sick to her stomach. Then she remembered the reason she came here. Starlight wove through the crowd as she made her way into the barn. Once there, she quickly spotted Rainbow Dash. Starlight ran to her and wrapped her forelegs around Rainbow in a tight embrace.

“Before you say anything,” Starlight began, “I want you to know that this wasn’t your fault. No matter what anypony has told you, you deserve only to be respected and loved. I am here for you, whatever you need.”

“I need air!” Rainbow Dash wheezed.

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Starlight said as she released her grip. “You have a fragile psyche right now, and the last thing you need is me adding injury to insult. I shouldn’t have done that.”

Rainbow looked at Starlight with a vacant expression. She turned to Applejack and Rarity, who had yet to leave the barn. “Uh, guys, is she part of the joke?”

“I’m not rightly sure,” Applejack said. “I don’t remember seeing her in the zombie mob.”

Starlight whipped her head around. “I wasn’t part of the mob,” she seethed, “because I don’t think it’s funny to torture ponies! I guess that’s how I differ from you sadistic creeps!”

Rarity gasped. “Starlight Glimmer! Such language is hardly appropriate, regardless of your feelings toward the affair.”

“You think you deserve any level of politeness, after what you put Rainbow Dash through!?” Starlight screamed. “I can’t even stand to look at you right now! Get out of my sight! Both of you!”

“Excuse me?” Applejack said sternly. “This here barn is on my property, you have no right to tell me to leave!”

Starlight’s horn blazed with turquoise magic. “I’ll be nice and give you a choice,” she said. “You can walk out of here, or I can throw you out.” She stepped toward Applejack, eyes narrowed and not blinking. Applejack braced herself, and held Starlight’s gaze. It was clear that she wasn’t backing down.

Rarity put a hoof on Applejack’s shoulder. “Darling, we really should do what she said.”

“But she…” Applejack began to protest.

“She’s not worth it,” Rarity interrupted.

Applejack snorted. “You’re right. Let’s go.” The two of them left without another word.

“Okay,” Rainbow Dash said to the back of Starlight’s head, “what in Equestria has gotten into you, Starlight? How could you yell at my friends like that?”

“I don’t care what they said to you,” Starlight said as she turned to face Rainbow, “but you don’t have to defend them. You don’t deserve what they did to you.”

“What are you talking about?” Rainbow said. “Wait, this isn’t about the zombie prank those ponies just pulled on me, is it?”

“It’s okay, Rainbow. I know you’re still traumatized, and if you don’t want to talk about it now, that’s just fine. But, I must encourage you to…”

“But I’m not traumatized!” Rainbow interrupted. “I’m not even upset! It’s sweet that you want to console me or whatever, but you really don’t need to. I’m fine, really.”

“You don’t need to put on a brave face with me,” Starlight said. “This is a safe space now, and you can tell me how you really feel. I won’t judge you, and I won’t breathe a word of this to anypony.”

“Starlight, I said I’m fine.”

“Yes, but is that what you really feel?” Starlight said. “Or are you just saying what you think I want to hear?”

Rainbow opened her mouth to speak again, when suddenly, an idea popped into her head. She bit her bottom lip and suppressed a small chuckle. She glanced over at Starlight, who was still pleading with her eyes for Rainbow to open up. She didn’t suspect a thing.

Rainbow blinked a few times, to drum up some false tears. She gasped slightly in the back of her throat, mimicking a sob. “I shouldn’t say. It’s…it’s just…no! I can’t! I mustn’t!”

“It’s okay,” Starlight said, her tone calm and even. “I know it’s hard to dredge up bad memories. But the sooner you talk about it, the sooner you can move past it.”

Rainbow turned away from Starlight, and started panting through her teeth. “Th-th-those faces,” she stammered. “The glazed, unblinking eyes.” Rainbow puffed a few pretend sobs. “And the creepy, slack-jawed, rainbow mouths. It was…I, I, mean it was…” Rainbow moaned in fake distress, and hid her head behind a wing.

“Come on, you can say it,” Starlight coaxed. “It’s okay, you’re safe here.”

Rainbow poked her head out gingerly. “It was…”

“Yes?”

“It was…”

“Yes!?”

Rainbow suddenly smiled as wide as was possible. “It was SO STINKING AWESOME!” She burst out laughing, and did a small loop-de-loop in the air before pointing a hoof at Starlight. “Gotcha!”

Starlight gnashed her teeth and stamped a hoof against the ground. “Damn it, Rainbow! I’m trying to help out a friend in emotional distress here! The least you could do is take it seriously!”

Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Starlight, look at me. Do I look emotionally distressed to you?”

Starlight sighed, but indulged Rainbow and took a good long look at her. She was flapping her wings to keep aloft, just the same as she usually did. Her forelegs were crossed in front of her, like they were whenever she felt confident. Her eyes were open and focused on Starlight, but not fully open; they were pushed up slightly from the bottom. She also wore a coy smirk, a remnant of the laughter she just expressed at her most recent prank.

“No…you don’t,” Starlight admitted. “You look perfectly…fine.”

“That’s because I am fine,” Rainbow said. “Just like I told you. Twice.”

“How is this possible?” Starlight asked. “Were you not even scared by their prank?”

“Yeah, when I thought it was serious. But now that I know it wasn’t, I’m not scared anymore.”

“But, but you had to be mad when you found out it was a prank. That those ponies all tricked you, they lied to you, and they betrayed you? Didn’t that offend you?”

“No way! I guess I was a little miffed when they told me it was just a joke, but that was just for a little while. And I was never offended.”

“How could you not be offended? They went behind your back and concocted an elaborate hoax just to scare you! That’s not something ponies to do their friends!”

Rainbow dragged a hoof down her muzzle. “Starlight, it’s getting late, and I need to be in bed, coz I’ve got to report to the Wonderbolts HQ at 0600 tomorrow. So, if you really want to talk about this with me, you’d better keep up.”

With that, Rainbow Dash took off through the barn door, not at her top speed, but closer to Starlight Glimmer’s levitation speed. Rainbow was about a few lengths ahead of Starlight before the unicorn decided to try and catch up. She galloped until she was until the shadow of the blue pegasus, then she levitated up to Rainbow’s altitude, pulling alongside her.

“Okay, you were once the bearer of the Element of Loyalty, correct?” Starlight began. “Now, these ponies had to go behind your back to come up with this zombie plan, which they intended to scare you. That’s a deliberate act of betrayal, is it not? Aren’t you supposed to be morally outraged by that?”

“I’m not sure what Twilight told you about the Elements of Harmony,” Rainbow said, “but my connection with the Element of Loyalty doesn’t mean I cry tears of blood every time somepony somewhere is disloyal to somepony else. That’d just be weird. I’m not some goddess of virtue or something. I’m just a pony, like everypony else.”

“I know that, but still, loyalty matters to you. You were just betrayed by all of Ponyville. Don’t you think you ought to be a little upset?”

“Let me tell you what I think,” Rainbow countered. “I think you are overreacting to this. It was just a joke. A harmless prank, and nothing more.”

“It wasn’t harmless!” Starlight shot back. “They scared you. They hurt your feelings. That’s harmful, isn’t it?”

“Only if I decide to take it personally. So I decided not to.”

Beat.

“Ohhhhhhh!” Starlight said with a wavering tone. “I see how it is. It must be nice and easy to go through life without taking offense to anything at all.”

“Now wait a minute,” Rainbow said. “I didn’t say I never get offended. I do take offense sometimes. But you have to pick and choose what does and doesn’t offend your sensibilities. It’s just as bad to overreact to something that isn’t a big deal as it is to underreact to something that is.”

“I don’t believe that,” Starlight said. “If you don’t respond to every mistreatment like it’s a big deal, you’re not going to make anypony change their behavior.”

“Well, who are you to tell anypony else how they ought to act?”

“I’m just saying, is it really too much to ask for the ponies around me to treat me with a certain minimum level of respect? To be nice, and kind, and honest 100 percent of the time?”

Beat.

“Yeah, actually that is too much to ask,” Rainbow answered.

“What? You can’t be serious!”

“Let me explain. Let’s say I use the word ‘boodlefutz’ in a conversation with you.”

“What’s a boodlefutz?”

“It’s a made-up word that doesn’t mean anything, but that’s not the point. Stay with me here.”

“Okay.”

“Now, I’ve said ‘boodlefutz’ to my friends a whole bunch of times, and they didn’t get mad with me, because it’s not a nasty word. Then, I say it to you, and you decide you just don’t like the way ‘boodlefutz’ sounds, and you get offended, and start saying nasty things to me that you can’t take back. A while later, you look it up, and realize the word you took offense to is really not offensive at all. Which of us is at fault in this scenario? Is it me, for saying a word that triggered you, even though I had no way of knowing it would trigger you? Or is it you, for making a bigger deal out of something than it was?”

Silence followed while Starlight milled over Rainbow’s riddle.

“I think I understand what you’re saying,” Starlight said. “However, we’re not talking about hypothetical nonsense words here. We’re talking about taking advantage of somepony in order to humiliate them.”

“Any interaction between ponies can be misinterpreted,” Rainbow said, a little bit louder than normal to emphasize the point. “If you misinterpret somepony’s actions, take offense, and overreact to it, you can end up hurting somepony who doesn’t deserve it. I know, because that’s what I spent all of last week doing.”

“Wait, you mean the pranking spree that got you into this mess in the first place?”

“Yeah.” Rainbow sighed and pouted.

“Would you care to elaborate on that point?” Starlight prodded.

“Well, remember the other day in the throne room, when the girls tried to tell me to tone the pranking down? That wasn’t what I took away from the conversation. What I heard was ‘you’re not funny anymore, Rainbow Dash, so stop trying to be.’ That hurt, because I love pulling pranks, and I thought my friends appreciated that. So, I decided I was going to make them laugh at my pranks again, no matter what measures I had to take.”

Starlight nodded in understanding, even though Rainbow wasn’t looking at her.

“I ended up pulling some really mean jokes that I never would have pulled if I was in my right mind. But my bruised ego blinded me to the pain I was causing. It wasn’t until tonight, when I thought I made everypony sick that I finally came back to my senses. If Pinkie Pie hadn’t intervened when she did, I might have kept going until I seriously hurt somepony for real.”

“Hang on a second,” Starlight said. “Wasn’t Pinkie’s zombie prank just as mean as the ones you pulled? Doesn’t that make her a complete hypocrite?”

“What do you mean, hypocrite?”

“I mean, these ponies gave you grief for hurting their feelings, but for some reason, it’s okay to hurt yours? Isn’t that a double standard?”

“Pinkie Pie didn’t do this to me just to have a cheap laugh at my expense, Starlight. She saw the damage I was causing by my blind outrage, and she did what she had to do to stop me. And I am glad she did. Pinkie is a good friend, who saved me from myself. That’s not mean at all.”

“You know, I never really considered it like that,” Starlight said as Rainbow Dash’s cloud home came into view, “but that actually makes a lot of sense.” Starlight looked away for a moment. “Son of Princess Luna! Pinkie was right all along!”

“Right about what?”

“She told me you would take this whole thing in stride, but I didn’t believe her. That’s why I objected to being in on the joke. Now I just feel bad that I missed the whole thing.”

“That’s okay,” Rainbow said reassuringly. “You did what you felt was right. There’s no shame in that. Well, this is where I get off.” Rainbow landed on the cloud walkway just outside her front door. “Good night, Starlight.” She started walking toward the door. Starlight landed on the cloud behind her.

“Hey, Rainbow Dash!” Starlight called out.

Rainbow turned, with one hoof still on the door. “What?”

“Thank you, for talking with me. I guess I was the one who was emotionally distressed by the whole thing. But you really helped me put this episode into perspective, and I really appreciate it.”

Rainbow shrugged. “No big deal. That’s what friends are for, right?”

“Right. Well, I won’t keep you up any longer.” Starlight levitated herself into the night sky once more. “Good night, Rainbow.”

Rainbow Dash went inside without another word. As Starlight Glimmer floated herself back to Twilight’s castle, she felt relieved, like a heavy burden on her withers had just been lifted. But just as soon as it was gone, another feeling of dread took its place.

I owe Applejack and Rarity an apology, Starlight realized. I am such a boodlefutz.