"Where did you live?"

by Calamity Jay

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random, Human, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1844

Twilight asks Equestria's resident human about where he used to live.

Twilight has always been curious about Anon's world. So one day, she asks him about his world and its countries. He, of course, gladly answers her question.

And boy, does he give her an answer.

Published 2016-09-07 08:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-09-07 08:00:01 UTC

"I'm glad you asked!"

It was another glorious sunny day in the lovely little town of Ponyville. The birds were singing ambient songs and the flowers were in bloom. Brightly-colored ponies of all kinds trotted and flew about in and around the town, running errands and shopping around at the market. And in the midst of it all was Twilight Sparkle, her nose buried in a book as she made her way back to Golden Oaks Library. Her saddlebags were currently filled with various foods and vegetables that she planned to use to make her meals for the week.

As she trotted by, several ponies would stop and greet the young unicorn, causing her to pull her face back from her book on How to Cook Gourmet Meals and Entrees, smile graciously, and return their greeting brightly. Eventually, the librarian was able to reach her home/business. She closed the book with her magic and placed it inside one of her saddlebags and magicked open the door, closing it behind her.

"Well hello there, sunshine!" A voice spoke out from the den of the spacious library. There sat Anonymous, lounging about on the couch with his right foot hanging off the edge, a book in one hand and the other supporting his neck as he leaned against the arm rest. He looked up and grinned at her, placing the book he was reading on his lap. "How'd your morning go?"

Twilight smiled sheepishly at the eccentric, yet lovable and charming human. "Oh, just fine, thank you. How about yours?"

"Just phenomenal," He chuckled, looking back down at his book. "So, you got the eats for this week?"

"Mhm," Twilight hummed, trotting forward past the couch and into the kitchen that lay beyond the den. "I bought an assortment of fruits and vegetables we can eat. Along with what's left over from the previous week."

"I wouldn't be surprised if there wasn't that much," he scoffed. "Considering how much you eat."

Twilight felt her cheeks burn. "Oh, hush you," she scolded. "You seem to forget who the one hundred eighty pound carnivore-"

"Omnivore!" He corrected from the den as she entered the kitchen.

"-Omnivore..." She said, rolling her eyes. "... is here! I'm shocked we even have any food left."

"Joke's on you," Anon laughed. "I was out for most of the week in Canterlot having my bi-monthly visit with the Princess."

Twilight pulled out every piece of food in her bags as he spoke. "Yeah. Right." She scowled as she opened the fridge to put the heads of lettuce and broccoli she purchased. Upon opening it, she noticed something. "Ugh, Anon!"

"Yeah?"

"What'd you do with my pasta from last night?"

"Twi, you seem to forget there's three people living here. One of them being reptilian."

"Urgh, whatever," She grumbled, closing the fridge in defeat. "I'm making lunch in a bit. What would you like?"

"A steak sandwich!"

"Hardy har, you're a comic genius."

"I try!"

"Just tell me what you want for lunch, before I change my mind."

"Got any cheese left?"

"Yes."

"And lettuce?"

"You want a cheese sandwich don't you." She deadpanned.

"Yes, I would! Now make it so, Lieutenant!"

"There he goes with those weird human sayings again," Twilight mumbled under her breath. It was then a thought occurred to her. In the few weeks he's been here, she never really thought to ask anything of his world other than the fact that he was from this place called Earth. But what about its different countries, and nations?

The two roommates sat on the couch, silently eating their own sandwiches. Anon munched on his toasted cheese sandwich while Twilight enjoyed her daisy and dandelion delight sandwich. As she took another bite, she began thinking. Where is he from? What is his nationality? What was his home country called? I can't believe I missed these questions when he first arrived here!

She glanced over to see Anon taking another huge bite of his sandwich, nearly finishing off the whole thing. Anon's appetite was a marvel. She'd seen him devour courses of every meal they've had together in mere seconds or minutes depending on the occasion. Right now, the sandwich was on its last leg. Or, crust. Something of that nature.

The young man peered over and saw Twilight staring at him. Without bothering to swallow, he spoke up. "Waffup? Someding on yo mine?"

Sometimes his manners and maturity need to be brought into question. Either way, Twilight blinked as she looked for her words. "Hey, you're from another world right- and would you please swallow your food this time? I'd rather not have half-eaten sandwich bits spill onto my couch."

"Sawwy," He chewed for another moment before swallowing the large lump of food in his mouth. Sighing, he answered her question. "Twi, we've been over this. Me..." he pointed to himself. "Alien. You..." He pointed at her. "Little, tiny, talking horsey. What else do you need to know?"

"Well," she began, ignoring his crude comment. "I was just wondering, I know that your world should have some sort of system of government and different countries, races, and nationalities, right?"

"Go on."

"So, what I'm asking is, where did you live?"

"On Earth."

"I know, but what country? You know, what are the different countries in your world?"

Anon paused for a moment; arching a brow as he looked up towards the ceiling. "Hmm..." Suddenly, he got up from his seat on the couch and stretched. "You know what, Twi?" He whirled around to her, the biggest smile on his face. "I'm glad you asked!"

"Uh, why?" she moved back slightly.

"You have no idea how long I've been wanting to do this!" He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a graduation cap with the tassel on the right side. From seemingly out of nowhere, and strangely, he pulls out a large stand with the screen rolled up at the top. "Please, take a seat closer!"

Twilight reluctantly slid on the couch a little closer to her friend. Okay, this seems a little too rehearsed. And... weird. Even by Pinkie standards

"Well, Twilight?" He asked, pulling a pointer out from behind the couch. "Are you ready for a lesson in human geography?"

"Wait! Let me get a notepad!"

"Too late!" Anon then pulled out a small tape recorder from his front pocket, setting it down on the coffee table. Meanwhile, Twilight struggled to a quill and notepad. Anon pressed the play button on the recorder and a voice came from it, along with fanfare intro.

And now! Every stinkin' nation in the gosh darn world! Brought to you by, Anonymous!

"Is that your voice in the recorder-"

Before she could speak any further, Anon broke out into a small jig, shaking his hips as he tapped his shoes on the floor. He brandished the pointer and rolled down the map, revealing a diagram of two hemispheres, side by side.

"Wait are those-"

"We have~" A peppy dance tune was then played from the tape recorder. "United States, Canada, Mexico, Panama, Haiti, Jamaica, Peru~!" He sang in rhythm with the song as he pointed at various shapes that Twilight guessed were the countries of his world.

Her quill scratched furiously as Anon sang his little song.

"Republic Dominican, Cuba, Carribean, Greenland, El Salvador too~!"

And he continued his spiel, pointing at various splotches of the map.

"Puer~to Rico, Columbia, Venezuela, Honduras, Guyana, and still~!"

"Gua~temala, Bolivia, then Argentina, and Ecuador, Chile, Brazil~!"

"Well~ Costa Rica, Belize, Nicaragua, Bermuda, Bahamas, Tobago, San Juan~!"

He moved to the lower part of the left side of the map.

"Paraguay, Uruguay, Surinam, and French Barbados, and Guam~!"

He moved to the other side of the screen, dancing and using the pointer stick as a cane whilst he hopped about. Twilight on the other hand, tried not burst out laughing at his ridiculous, yet quite funny antics. The music also got faster in rhythm.

"There's, Norway, and Sweden, and Iceland, and Finland, and Germany all in one piece~!"

"Switzerland, Austria, Czechoslovakia, Italy, Turkey, Greece~!"

"Poland, Romania, Scotland, Albania, Ireland, Russia, Oman~!"

"Bulgaria, Saudi Arabia, Hungary, Cyrprus, Iraq, and Iran~!"

"There's Syria, Lebanon, Israel, Jordan, both Yemens, Kuwait, and Bahrain~!"

"The Netherlands, Luxembourg, Belgium, and Portugal, France, England, Denmark, and Spain~!"

He stopped singing to perform yet another jig, Twilight now visibly struggling to keep her laughter under control. This time, he moved to yet another part of the map. The song's rhythm reaching its near climax.

"India, Pakistan, Burma, Afghanistan, Thailand, Nepal, and Bhutan~!"

"Kampuchea, Malaysia, then Bangladesh (Asia), and China, Korea, Japan~!"

"Mon~golia, Laos, and Tibet, Indonesia, the Philippine Islands, Taiwan~!"

"Sri Lanka, New Guinea, Sumatra, New Zealand, then Borneo, and Vietnam~!"

"Tunisia, Morocco, Uganda, Angola, Zimbabwe, Djibouti, Botswana~!"

"Mozambique, Zambia, Swaziland, Gambia, Guinea, Algeria, and Ghana~!"

He stopped once more to dance, a bright grin on his face as stepped lightly. Giggles were now breaking out from Twilight's muzzle. The music from the recorder sped up ever more and was now a rapid beat.

"Burundi, Lesotho, Malawi, Togo, the Spanish Sahara is gone~!" His words and movements with the stick became more vigorous.

"Niger, Nigeria, Chad, and Liberia, Egypt, Benin, and Gabon~!"

"Tan~zania, Somalia, Kenya, and Mali, Sierra Leone, and Algiers~!"

"Dahomey, Namibia, Senegal, Libya, Cameroon, Congo, Zaire~!"

"Ethiopia, Guinea-Bissau, Madagascar, Rwanda, Mahore, and Cayman~!"

"Hong Kong, Abu Dhabi, Qatar, Yugoslavia-"

A slight pause as he took a large breath.

"Crete, Mauritania, then Transylvania, Monaco, Liechtenstein, Malta, and Palestine, Fiji, Australia, Sudan~!" As a finishing touch, he spun around in the air and landed on one knee, arms spread wide. His chest heaved with each breath he took; an exhausted, yet easy smile on his face. "So! Did you get all that?"

Without warning, Twilight burst into a fit of giggles which lasted for a good minute while Anon tried to get his breathing under control. "Hee hee hahahah~! Oh Celestia! Anon, I didn't you were good at doing show tunes!"

"A man... tries," he gasped.

"That was pretty entertaining," Twilight grabbed her notepad. "I have no idea how to spell half those words. Could you please repeat all that? This time, a little slower if you will."

Anon's face fell as he heard those words. "Are you... you gotta be... ugh." His eyes rolled back into his head as he fainted and fell onto his back; completely unconscious and exhausted.

"Anon?" Twilight called his name as she stepped off the couch and towards his body. "Anon? If you're not unconscious, clap your hands twice."

...

He is sound asleep.

"Eh, oh well," Twilight shrugged her shoulders. "Might as well let him rest. That was quite a performance."

She then went on to begin dusting and organizing the bookshelves one by one, while Anon recovered from his shenanigans.

FIN

Author's Note

I'm just uploading for shits and gigs.

I got the idea whilst scraping through my notification feed and was inspired by this...

Play it when the song starts.

Enjoy.