Foalsitting Adventures

by Vertigo22

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1108

Foalsitting is all fun and games until you can't remember how you got from the offer to the house.

A pegasus mare named Sky laid on a cloud. She wasn't sure how she'd gotten there. All she knew was she was foalsitting two of the most obnoxious ponies she'd ever seen.

Written impromptu.

Published 2016-09-07 16:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-09-07 16:50:01 UTC

Spawns of Tartarus

On a bright, sunny Summer morning in Wymareing, a pegasus mare with a magenta coat and a raincloud for a cutie mark named Sky lay on a cloud, a look of annoyance on her face. She couldn't remember how she'd gotten there, but she did remember she was enjoying a drink at a local bar after having been offered the foalsitting job. The next thing Sky knew, she was on a cloud, looking down at two foals that wouldn't stop arguing.

“It’s my turn to play in the sandbox!”

It was absolute chaos.

Why did I ever accept the job of foalsitting? Sky wondered.

~~~

Sky walked down a sidewalk when something caught her eye. She turned her head and saw a lavender dress, made from pure cotton. She pressed her face up against the glass and looked at the price tag. “Two hundred bits?!” she cried out. “”What a load of shit!”

She let out a sigh and hung her head. Just as she was about to leave, a voice called out to her. “Hey, lady,”

Sky turned around to see a wealthy looking stallion walking towards her. “Want to foalsit?”

~~~

Curse my love for materialistic things, she thought as she turned her attention back down to the two ponies below.

“Listen, you angsty jackass, it's my turn to play in the sandbox!” a male voice snapped. “Now get out or I swear I'll tear your head off and use it to hold popcorn!”

Sky's eyes shot open. She flew down and confronted the two foals.

Or, rather, colt and mare.

“Whoa now,” she said. “Don't use that kind of-”

“Ram it, granny!” the colt—an earth pony with a brown coat and pen for a cutie mark—said, venom filling each word. “You're only here because my old stallion doesn't trust me after I burnt down the house the last time I was home alone!”

Sky stared blankly at the colt. “Uhhh, he never told me about that,” she said.

“Yeah, he's a fucking natural at cooking with a gas stove,” the filly—who was also an earth pony, but with a violet cost and a saddlebag for a cutie mark—remarked as she played in a sandbox.

The colt spun around. “Shut up, Lacey!” he yelled. “You once destroyed your whole room because you thought that it'd be a good idea to try and kill a fly with a butcher knife!”

“Hey, up yours, Cameron!” Lacey growled. The two glared at each other and pressed their muzzles against each other.

All the while, Sky stared in shock. What the fuck is going on here? she wondered, ignoring the bickering siblings. I swore that I was foalsitting, not playing nanny.

“Because she isn't a narwhal!” Lacey said. “And that's why I say that Celestia is best princess!”

Sky rubbed her temples. “What is wrong with you two?!” she asked. “I grew up around some crazy ponies, but you two are… special.”

The two siblings stopped glaring at each other—presumably no longer thinking about trying to create eye lasers—and glared at Sky, who looked surprised that they could maintain such a look for so long without laughing. “We're special alright!” Lacey said. “We hail from rich as fuck parents!”

“Is that why you live in a one story condo?” Sky asked with a blank expression.

“Dad spends most of his money on hookers,” Cameron said. “Meanwhile, mom spends it on-” Cameron pointed a hoof at a stack of coffins- “those!”

Sky's eyes widened. “Huh, never noticed those,” she said. “I'll be sure to notify the royal guard.”

“Mom says if we ever tell somepony that we'll be buried next to our ninth and tenth dad's,” Cameron said.

Sky's eyes widened to the point they pulled small rocks into orbit. “Right,” she said. “This is the last time I ever take up a job without asking for details.”

“That's what most doctors tell me,” Lacey said.

By now, Sky's head was spinning so much, an exorcist had appeared and was on stand by. “You kids are beyond insane!” she cried out as she rubbed her temples.

“No we aren't,” Lacey said. “You're insane! We're just… unique.” She held up her left forehoof. “See? It says so right there!”

Sky narrowed her eyes. Sure enough, the word “unique” was sloppily written red crayon—along with a sticker of a gold star.

“Hey, why don't I have that seal of approval?” Cameron asked.

“Because you're adopted,” Lacey replied as she slammed her hoof back onto the ground. “And mom thinks you're easily replaceable with any other foal from the adoption center.”

Cameron frowned. “She never told me I was adopted,” he mumbled.

“She said she'd reveal it to you give months ago. I guess she forgot to.”

Sky fell to her haunches and rubbed her temples again as the two siblings continued to discuss Cameron's adoption. “What oh what is going on?” she asked herself. “I need a drink.”

The two siblings stopped talking and turned their heads. “Where are you going?” Lacey asked.

“To get a drink!” Sky yelled back as she entered the condo. “You two are driving me off the rails!”

“That's funny,” Lacey said. “Because we're not even real.”

Sky stopped mid stride and turned her head to look at Lacey. She blinked a few times and tilted her head. “Huh?”

“I'm a beer bottle,” Lacey deadpanned. “Cameron's a brown paper bag. You hit your head on a dumpster last night and fell asleep on a rat.”

“What?!”

“Yeah,” Cameron said. “I’m pretty sure several ponies have reported you to the local authorities by now.”

Sky shut her eyes and shook her head. She opened them again and saw the world begin to spin around. Within seconds, it turned white, and she awoke in an alleyway with a horrible headache. “Oh,” she said as she sat up and held her head. “That was an odd dream.” She stretched out and walked out of the alleyway. The sky was clear, and the sun beat down. “Geez, it's brutal out,” Sky said as she walked down the sidewalk.

As she passed by a few stores, something caught her eye. She turned her head and saw a lavender dress, made from pure cotton.

Sky eyeballed the dress before she looked at the price. Her eyes nearly popped out of their sockets when she saw it. “Two hundred bits? What a load of shit!”

She let out a heavy sigh and was about to leave when a voice called out to her. “Hey, lady!”

Sky turned her head and saw a wealthy looking stallion walking towards her. “Want to foalsit?”