Once Upon A Time…
A long time ago in the hot desert sands of Equestria there was a kingdom called Saddle Arabia. Home to adventure, exotic treasure, and family fun for all ages, this vast kingdom was a wonderful sight to behold.
Our story begins one dark and fateful night just on the outskirts of Saddle Arabia, where a mysterious and magical cave in the shape of a giant pony head, arose from a great sand dune to greet the pony who desired access to its treasure troves.
“Who in their right mind would wake me at THIS hour of the night?” The giant head said, blinking a few times before focusing her sights on the pony standing in front of her. He was a large-muscled pegasus with abnormally small wings and a vacant look in his eyes.
“Oh THIS is promising. What is it you want, hmm?”
The pegasus’ hooves shook in fright as he glanced over his shoulder to the mysterious stallion waiting behind him. The stallion narrowed his eyes and pointed his hoof expectantly in the direction of the giant pony head.
“Let me guess, darling, you want access to my treasures and valuables? I am The Cave of Rarity after all, they don’t call me a wonder for nothing”
“Y-YEAH!” The pegasus replied.
“I’m right here darling, there’s no need to shout!”
The pegasus glanced over his shoulder one more time before timidly approaching the mouth of the cave.
“LET’S DO THIS!” He took a wary step closer, and then another, his confidence building with each stride. Once he was inside, however, The Cave of Rarity’s mouth snapped shut. She puffed out her sandy cheeks and spat the stallion back into the air. He soared miles overhead screaming as he did so while the cave sputtered in disgust.
“Oh! Oh MY! That was… that was VILE! Absolutely DISGUSTING! He tasted like MUSCLES and SWEAT!” The Cave of Rarity shouted, sticking out her large tongue. “No pony had better bother me again until a proper gentlecolt with a heart of gold dares enter my treasure trove! Ooo and handsome, he simply MUST be handsome. Cleanliness is important as well… perhaps he likes long walks on the beach and staying inside cozy by the fire on rainy nights, not that we have much rain here in the desert...”
The cave continued talking to herself as she slowly descended out of sight, leaving nothing but a giant sand dune and the mysterious stallion behind.
“Huh… well that’s somethin’ you don’t see everyday now is it? A giant mystical talking cave head with darn near impossible standards.” A loud-mouth talking parrot perched on the back of the stallion said. “Then again you don’t see stallions like that everyday either. I mean, is it even logical that all them muscles help that fool fly? You’d think that’d be counter productive what with the size of them wings.”
“Enough Braego. Clearly this wasn’t the correct pony to accomplish our task.” The stallion said.
“Good luck findin’ someone better… or dumber.”
“Worry not, my magic will point us in the direction of this pony with a heart of gold… victory is close at hoof my friend.”
And with that, the stallion ignited his horn with magic and the pair disappeared into the night.
.*~*~*~*
The next day, life continued as normal for the ponies of Saddle Arabia. Deep in the heart of the city, the marketplace was as alive and busy as ever. By mid morning, ponies had set up their stalls to sell their wares and had attracted a sizable crowd. This accounted for the royal guard presence, as it was not uncommon for thieves to covet the many tempting exotic trinkets and oddities. One such thief was a young stallion called Shaladdin. Having been brought up on the streets with only his agility and street smarts, Shaladdin spent his days dodging palace guards and stealing the meals he needed to survive.
“Wait… You mean there are ponies in Saddle Arabia who have to STEAL just to LIVE? What kind of crazy backwards place is this?! Why can’t they just… eat the grass?!”
There is no grass, Pinkie. This is a desert.
“What does a dessert have to do with anything!? I mean, I know I could live off cupcakes and pies but--”
DESERT Pinkie, not DESSERT!
“Yeah, I heard you, a dessert! That’s a REALLY cute accent you know.”
(Sigh) Im referring to a large, dry, barren region, usually having sandy or rocky soil and little or no vegetation.
“I don’t know what desserts taste like where you come from but that doesn’t sound appetizing at all! You haven’t LIVED until you’ve tried the Cake’s award winning Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness! Oo Oo wait here, I’ll go get you some right now!”
No, Pinkie I don’t need...! Ugh.
Shaladdin wouldn’t have escaped pursuit all these years if it weren’t for his very best friend Appul, the monkey. Of the pair of them, Shaladdin had great strength,but it was Appul who was gifted with the brains. Together they were an unstoppable pair.
“Alright Appul, another day another dinar!” Shaladdin said, scanning the marketplace stalls for something delicious to steal.
“Do Saddle Arabian ponies use dinars? I thought we were trying not to misrepresent the culture with this here story.” Appul said disapprovingly. “Besides, when have we ever ended the day with any money at all?”
“It’s just an expression, lighten up will ya? I’m starving!” Shaladdin said, pushing his way through the huddled masses. “And I’ve got my eye on that stall of fruit over there. Look at all those choices Appul… oranges, mangos, watermelons, cherries, grapes, pineapples…”
“Wait… can our climate really grow all that? We’re in a desert, not on a tropical island.” Appul wondered aloud.
“Oh look! They have your favorite” Shaladdin said excitedly.
“Don’t say it…” Appul muttered.
“Bananas!”
“Oh… bananas. Right. Cuz I’m a monkey. Sorry I uh… thought you were gonna say something else…”
“Oh wait, nevermind, looks like they’re fresh out of bananas. Maybe we can getcha a nice shiny red apple instead!”
“And there it is.” Appul muttered. “I can’t ever escape apples, can I?”
Appul carefully made her way towards their soon-to-be breakfast, muttering sarcastically under her breath:
“They’re making the element of honesty a thief in this story… that can’t possibly go wrong.”
She was moments away from reaching a particularly delicious-looking orange when she quickly ducked under the stall instead. A strange hooded mare had approached the assorted fruits forcing Appul to remain out of sight.
“Would the pretty mare like a nice juicy apple to start the day?” The rainbow-maned fruit merchant asked.
“Oh… um… sure, I would love one.” the mare said, levitating the apple from the fruit merchant and taking a bite.
“That’ll be two bits.”
“Oh, so we’re back to bits now?” Appul asked, still concealed from view. Shaladdin was not too far away watching the exchange curiously. He seemed rather fixated on the mysterious shopper who might have cost him his breakfast.
“B-bits? Right… bits… I HAVE money. Uh…” The mare scrambled, looking in vain for something to give the merchant. “If you would just let me go back to the palace I can--”
“You can’t pay, you say?” The merchant said, all manner of pleasantry gone from her tone. “So you’re a thief then. Do you know what happens to thieves like you?”
“No! I CAN pay I just don’t have anything on me right now!” The mare stammered.
“GUARDS! THIEF!” The fruit merchant called.
The mare’s eyes darted around the marketplace in fear. Thinking fast, Appul climbed up the fruit stand and jumped onto the merchant’s head, pulling her oversized turban over her eyes before reclaiming her spot on Shaladdin’s back. Shaladdin quickly knocked over a basket of mangos causing the fruit to scatter between the merchant and the mare. When the merchant attempted to pursue her, she tripped over her own produce instead.
“Quick! This way!” Shaladdin said, leading the mare away from the ruckus.
“You didn’t have to do that!” The mare said, out of breath as she tried to keep up.
“Don’t worry about it! It’s about time I get myself into trouble today anyway. I’m Shaladdin, and this little buddy of mine here is Appul.”
“I’m--” the mare started but was cut off when the crowds parted and a line of palace guards were waiting for them. The guard in charge stepped forward with a smug grin on her face. Her rainbow mane was only just visible under the helmet she wore.
“Wait… what? But I thought Rainbow was the merchant back there…” Appul said, looking in the direction they had come.
“HALT!” The guard yelled. “You’ve finally done it this time street rat, you’re not getting away so easy!” The guard fanned out her wings and readied herself to take off in pursuit.
“Who said this was easy?” Shaladdin asked, turning his attention to a large cart of barrels nearby. He bounded to the side, kicked off the wall of the building and bucked his hind legs into the side of the cart, sending the barrels toppling over the unsuspecting guards. Not wasting any time, Shaladdin motioned for the mare to follow him down an alleyway.
“See that old abandoned building? Wait there till I’ve given these guys the slip.” Shaladdin said.
“What about you?” the mare asked.
“This isn’t the worst challenge I’ve faced.” Shaladdin said with a grin, igniting his magic and teleporting the mare across the street and out of harm’s way.
“Wait… you still have magic? Why in the hay are we puttin’ ourselves in danger every day just for a darn piece of fruit when you can make one appear?!” Appul asked.
“Ah but where’s the fun in that?” Shaladdin asked.
“There he is!” One of the guards called out. Appul recognized the sound of the guard’s voice and turned to see a familiar deep crimson coat and light orange mane.
“Best get a move on, this one’s not gonna be easy to out muscle.” Appul said. The pair of friends didn’t hesitate, they ran along the alleyway which led back into the heart of the marketplace. Unfortunately there were too many ponies around to make a clean get-away. Rather than stick to the streets, Shaladdin decided to take to the rooftops. With Appul on his back, he pushed off hard from the ground and leapt onto a nearby awning, which propelled him up onto the roof.
“No, not the roof! Rainbow’ll spot you in a--”
“HALT!”
“Yup. Saw that coming.” Appul sighed.
Shaladdin only had moments to react before he was sure to be caught. Taking a sharp turn, he jumped back down between a pair of buildings narrowly missing the clothing line between them as he fell. The guard, however, was not as fortunate. She flew straight into a rug, and and before she could get herself free, the clothing line snapped her backwards into the sky again. (yells)
Shaladdin laughed and moments before touching the ground he ignited his horn and teleported himself away. Moments later, he reappeared back inside the abandoned building he had mentioned, panting and smiling.
“See? Piece of cake.” Shaladdin said, slumping against the wall.
Appul jumped down from his shoulder and looked around curiously. “Where’s the mare?”
Shaladdin looked around nervously for her before racing down the steps of the building and back out into the open.
Unfortunately, waiting at the bottom were the palace guards, who quickly seized him while he was distracted. The mare in question was struggling a few feet away. Shaladdin growled and attempted to use his magic, but the strange device they’d locked on his horn prevented it.
“By order of the sultan you are under arrest!” The red stallion guard said, chaining Shaladdin’s hoof to his own.
“Let him go!” the mare called out angrily.
“And why would I do a foolish thing like that?” The guard chuckled.
“Because I order you to!” The mare said, pulling away her disguise. The guards around her gasped and immediately fell to the dirt road in a bow. Shaladdin quickly came to the realization that she was none other than the princess of Saddle Arabia. He’d never seen Princess Jadence before, but the moment he did something in his heart skipped a beat. She was beautiful, and he couldn’t look away from her kind lavender eyes.
“I’m sorry princess, but the law is the law, and with all due respect we are to follow it as instructed by your father. We’ve been after this thief for some time now, his crimes are too numerous to be ignored. You will have to consult your father on his decided punishment.” The guard stammered nervously.
“Fine. But if I learn that you mistreat him, I will report you to the sultan myself!” The princess declared. She gave Shaladdin a sympathetic smile, then took off in flight for the palace. Shortly after, Shaladdin was--
“IM BAAAAACK! Here try some of thi-- OOPS!”
I… what… PINKIE! It’s ALL OVER EVERYTHING! Even the story!
“Haha… it was an accident… here let me just…”
No… stay back! You’ve done enough!
“But I just wanna help!”
Go to the bad pinkie corner. NOW! And take the rest of this cake with you!
“I’m being punished with DESSERT? I’m oddly okay with this.”
*~*~*~*
“Father? Father!” Princess Jadence called, pushing open the throne room door to find the sultan pacing in front of his throne.
“Daughter! Where have you been? I was worried sick about you!” Sultan Sparkle said, pulling his daughter into a hug.
“Father I need to speak to you at once about a stallion taken prisoner in the marketplace.” Jadence said once she was able to pry away from the hug.
“You were in the marketplace?! What were you doing outside the palace walls?” The sultan exclaimed.
“Surely the Princess has good reason for abandoning her father.”
A dark and sinister-looking pony said, emerging from the side of the throne where previously he had been standing motionless. His name was Sombrar and he was the Sultan’s most trusted advisor. Although he smiled, it was a twisted and unnerving smile which matched the off-putting tone of his voice.
“I didn’t abandon any pony, I merely wished to experience something outside of this stone wall prison!” Jadence said defensively.
“But you could have been hurt!” The sultan replied.
“I was getting along fine on my own.” Jadence said.
“That is not what I heard, your majesty. My sources have told me that the princess ran into some… trouble during her little act of rebellion. She was found with a dangerous criminal in the marketplace before his capture.” Sombrar said.
“He wasn’t dangerous! If anything… he saved me from a rude and overbearing street merchant. That’s why I am here, father, to plead on his behalf! He might be a thief, but he is no hardened criminal. Even I can tell he has a heart of gold!”
Sombrar’s eyes widened at the mention of ‘a heart of gold’. He looked away from the sultan to the door leading to the dungeon.
“I don’t want any harm coming to him, father. Please… for his act of bravery can you not pardon his crimes?” Jadence pleaded.
“That would be quite impossible your highness. No thief can be redeemed by one mere act of kindness. The Sultan would be wise to keep the youth in the dungeon where he can do no more harm to the ponies of Saddle Arabia.” Sombrar advised.
“I’m afraid he’s right my dear, my hooves are tied in this matter. The law states a pony must pay for his crimes, no matter his intention. The prisoner will remain in the dungeon.” The sultan said sadly.
Jadence’s eyes watered and she stormed from the throne room. Sultan Sparkle heaved a heavy sigh before following after her.
“Worry not, my liege, you made the correct decision.” Sombrar called out to him, waiting until he had left the throne room before erasing the phony smile from his face.
“Braego, wake up at once!” Sombrar snapped, turning his attention to the parrot still asleep on the perch beside the throne.
“I NEVER LIKED BLOOMBERG!” the parrot squawked in surprise, waking from his mid-afternoon nap.
“Come, I think we have a little business to conduct in the dungeon.”
*~*~*~*
Deep in the confines of the dungeon, Shaladdin found himself chained uncomfortably to the wall. His only means of light came from a small window above his head. Luckily for him, Appul was just the right size to squeeze through the window’s bars and come to his aid.
“How’s it comin’ little buddy?” Shaladdin asked while Appul struggled to free her friend.
“Well, seeing how I’m a monkey and have no idea how to work these… hand things… Not good.” Appul said, fidgeting with the lock clumsily.
“Maybe you can try to get this thing off my horn first?” Shaladdin asked. Appul examined the strange device locked on Shaladdin’s horn. She reached out to touch it and was met with a surprising surge of electrical current (screaming) .
“Appul! Are you alright?! ...Appul?”
“I absolutely refuse to say this next line!”
“What next line?”
“Nope, I’m not gonna do it.”
“Uh…”
“Are you kidding me? We can’t advance the story unless I say it?! Consarnit Pinkie Pie this is the most ridiculous… UGH. Fine. (read flatly) Well that was… shocking… and the lamest joke I ever had to mutter.”
“Perhaps I may be of more assistance to you, my young lad?” A old and sinister voice said.
“Who goes there?” Shaladdin snapped in surprise.
“Oh, just a lonely prisoner like yourself…” The stallion said, levitating a strange-looking key to the device around Shaladdin’s horn, freeing it instantly. Shaladdin then used his own magic to pry open the chain around his neck.
“Thanks” Shaladdin said warily.
“You know, you’re quite spry for a young stallion. I heard the royal guard discussing your history of dodging your arrest.”
“Yeah, well, it only takes one mistake to end up here, so none of that really matters does it?” Shaladdin responded.
“Ah, but you’re wrong my friend. Somepony with skills like yours could be of great use to me.”
“What exactly do you want?” Shaladdin asked, scooping up Appul.
“There is a great treasure that awaits the pair of us if you are willing to take the risk… Only I know its whereabouts, but alas, my magic is too weak and my bones too brittle to retrieve it on my own. Think of it lad, riches beyond your wildest dreams… riches enough to buy a pardon for your crimes and court the mare that you seek…”
“What will I have to do?” Shaladdin asked.
“Why don’t you come with me and find out?” The old stallion said, igniting his magic to reveal a secret passage hidden in one of the dungeon walls.
“Really? That’s how easy it is to get outta here? No wonder there’s so much crime in Saddle Arabia.” Appul muttered as Shaladdin followed the stallion out of his cell.
*~*~*~*
It was just after twilight when the pair of ponies had reached the opening of the Cave of Rarity.
“Twilight was there?”
No, Pinkie, twilight as in the time of day. Wait… what are you doing out of you corner?!
“I came to see if it’s the genie scene yet~!”
You do realize that you spoiled part of the plot, right? You’ll be in the story soon enough.
“Me? What do you mean?”
Well, you’re playing the part of the genie aren’t you?
“(gasp) Just because I can break the 4th wall and make lots of funny jokes you just ASSUME that I casted myself as the genie, huh? That’s called character profiling! I expected better from you!”
Well, if you let me continue the story maybe we’ll find out who IS playing the genie.
“Proceed!”
“Who disturbs my beauty sleep at a much more reasonable hour?” The giant pony head exclaimed looking at the old stallion and his new comrade.
“The cave head is… Rarity? Really?” Appul asked.
“Uh… me. My name is Shaladdin and I have come seeking entrance to your vast treasure.” Shaladdin called.
“I know, darling, ponies don’t usually seek out mystical caves just to have a nice chat, although that WOULD be nice. Hmm… you are a much better choice than the last stallion who ATTEMPTED to enter my cave.”
“What do you mean ‘attempted’?” Appul asked.
“Oh… what is this? Is… is that a country-speaking monkey? Am I really expected to allow a MONKEY into my treasure trove?”
“This monkey is my best friend! If she doesn’t go, I don’t go!” Shaladdin said defensively.
“Aww how sweet, you two must be the best of friends. Alright, I’ve heard enough. Clearly young stallion you have a heart of gold. After all, it must be quite a challenge to care for a smelly and hairy little creature like that and call it a friend.”
“Hey!” Appul said offended.
“You may come in darling, but I warn you, touch only the instrument of destiny or be prepared to face DRASTIC consequences!”
The cave of rarity opened her mouth to allow Shaladdin passage. As he approached, the old stallion called out to him.
“Remember, bring me the instrument of destiny and the rest of the treasure is yours!”
Shaladdin nodded and began the descent into the cave.
“Wait… how is that a fair deal? We were just warned moments ago not to touch anything else and this old stallion here wants the one thing we can?! How is this not alarming to you?” Appul asked.
“You worry too much, Appul. We’ll be fine.” Shaladdin replied.
Once Shaladdin and Appul had reached the bottom of the cave, their eyes widened in wonder at the sight of the vast treasure within. The difficulty of the situation was just now sinking in as the pair both wondered in silence how it would be possible to find an instrument of destiny in these mountains of gold and jewels. It certainly didn’t help that they weren’t allowed to touch anything. The pair remained silent while Shaladdin navigated around the cave floor until Appul shouted.
“Watch out!” Appul screamed moments before Shaladdin accidently stepped hoof on a strange-looking carpet laying atop the sand.
“What? What’s wrong?!” Shaladdin said, looking around in distress.
“You just touched that carpet thing… I thought we weren’t allowed to do that down here…”
“Maybe this is the instrument of destiny?” Shaladdin asked, examining the carpet carefully.
“Oh, um, well actually I’m not exactly an instrument. I’m more of a… well… doormat.” The carpet said. Shaladdin backed away from the carpet in surprise, falling onto the ground and nearly squashing his simian friend.
“Oh! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you.” The carpet said.
“Scare me? No, you just surprised me is all… I’ve never seen a talking carpet before… my name’s Shaladdin, what’s yours?”
“I’m… a doormat.” it said softly.
“Really, cuz you look like a carpet to me.” Appul said.
“No, I mean, my name is ‘Doormat’” Doormat corrected. “Wait… who said that?”
“Oh, that’s my friend Appul.” Shaladdin said turning to the side for Doormat to see the monkey on his back.
“A monkey? Oh how adorable! And she even has a little fez, awww!~”
“Would you like to come with us? We’re looking for the instrument of destiny.” Shaladdin said.
“I would love to! I think I know where that is, but you can’t get there on hoof…” Doormat said sadly.
“Well… obviously you can fly us there, right?” Appul asked.
“Um… yes I g-guess I could but… I’m rather afraid of heights.” Doormat said landing back on the cavern floor.
Appul face-palmed from Shaladdin’s back.
“How about you get us as close as you can and we’ll figure it out from there?” Shaladdin asked
“I can do that.” Doormat said allowing Shaladdin to settle on top of her. She levitated herself off the ground slowly and flew off in the direction of their prize. After a long cautionary flight mere inches off the ground, they arrived in a separate section of the cave where large stone steps lead to a glowing pedestal above.
“This is it” Doormat announced, helping her riders off her back.
“Wait… if we’re underground and it’s dark outside how is that pedestal lit up?” Appul asked.
“Come on Appul, let’s just get this instrument of destiny and get outta here.” Shaladdin said, ascending the stone steps with Appul on his back.
Once they reached the top, Shaladdin paused in surprise.
“The instrument of destiny is a… tuba?” Shaladdin pointed out.
“Of course. Of course it’s a tuba.” Appul said, not surprised in the least.
Before Shaladdin could say another word, the Tuba began to shake and move on its own. From somewhere within, a pink cloud of smoke burst forth carrying with it a magical genie.
“TA DA~”
So… you are the genie after all?
“Um, duh, I’m like the perfect pony for this role! Except maybe discord but… he’s still in trouble”
And you gave me all that grief for nothing?
“Well I never said I WASN’T going to play the part”
Ugh no wonder all those other narrators quit!
“Did somepony summon a genie by blowing into the instrument of destiny?”
“Uh… no…” Appul answered.
“Oh… oops, my bad, I’ll just uh… wait until you do that then.” The genie said, disappearing back inside the tuba. Shaladdin looked at Appul and then back at the tuba before pressing his lips to the mouth piece and giving a mighty blow. Just as before, the genie appeared before them with a bright smile on her face.
“Shaladdin! I’m soooo happy you’ve released me from my musical prison at last!”
“How… do you know my name?” Shaladdin asked.
“Magical intuition of course, it has NOTHING to do with walls or the number 4… ANYHOOZLE you’re probably wondering who I am”
“Yer… a genie?” Appul asked
“How did YOU KNOW?! Was it the narrator? Did she spoil it for you??”
Don’t blame me!
“Uh you… just you said it yourself a couple seconds ago…” Appul clarified
“Ohhh (giggle) that’s right! Well, here I am! The Genie of the Instrument of Destiny! Otherwise known as a Tuba, it’s a pun you see. but that’s not the BEST PART! I’m a wish-granting genie and YOU get three wishes-- wait. what is THAT?” the genie asked. She disappeared momentarily only to reappear again next to a pile of treasure that included a large sparkling sapphire.
“Shiny~” The genie said, reaching out a hoof.
“Wait! Don’t!” Appul cautioned, but she was a second too late. The genie picked up the sapphire and admired it in the torch light.
“How… DARE you!” the loud voice of The Cave of Rarity exclaimed. “My ONE RULE was not to touch my treasure!”
“Oops… haha…but it was so shiny and I couldn’t help myself!” the genie exclaimed.
“Oh my, look! The entrance to the cave, it’s closing!” Doormat exclaimed.
“Run!” Shaladdin called, using his magic to carry the tuba as he did so. Appul reached out and clung onto Doormat who fluttered aimlessly as they ran.
“Hah! Fluttered. I love puns”
Unfortunately, by the time they reached the base of the stone steps, the Cave of Rarity had already closed her mouth and descended back into the sand. Looking around them, Shaladdin realized the caverns of vast treasure had all disappeared leaving nothing but long empty chasms. He and his friends were stranded hundreds of feet below the surface.
“Well that’s just great!” Appul exclaimed, “How in the hay are we supposed to get outta here?”
“Ooo Ooo I know! Doormat can fly us out!” Genie offered, holding Doormat in her hooves.
“I’d really rather not fly that high…” Doormat muttered.
“Oh yeah I forgot you have a height problem... I knew I shoulda made you the tiger instead.”
“What?”
“NOTHING~” Genie sang.
“Well, I do have three wishes, maybe I can just wish us out.” Shaladdin offered.
“Or, you know, use your unicorn magic which is always conveniently forgotten.” Appul added.
“Oh… right!” Shaladdin said with a smile. He ignited his horn and in a flash of light he and his friends appeared on the outskirts of Saddle Arabia.
“What?! But… I’M the genie! I’m the only one who’s supposed to have magicalrific powers and save the day! You just light your horn and POOF, like that? What’s the point of having a genie? What’s the point of having a MAGICAL TALKING DOORMAT THAT CAN FLY BUT DOESN’T WANT TO? AND WHAT HAPPENED TO MY SONG?! I’M SUPPOSED TO GET A SONG! NOW BE A GOOD LITTLE POOR PONY AND WISH YOU’RE A PRINCE SO YOU CAN WOO THE PRINCESS!”
Shaladdin, Appul, and Doormat stared at the genie unblinking, unsure what to say.
“WISH IT!” Genie demanded, leaning in close to Shaladdin’s face.
“Okay! Okay! I wish I was a prince!” Shaladdin said nervously.
“Okie Dokie Lokie!” The genie exclaimed with glee. She waved her hooves dramatically and conjured a great cloud of pink smoke. When it cleared, Shaladdin could see his appearance was drastically altered to reflect that of saddle arabian royalty with fine silks and gemstones. Although he wasn’t a fan of the pink centric color scheme, Shaladdin beamed from ear to ear.
“What the… what in the hay did you do to me?!” Appul asked.
Shaladdin turned around to see his simeon companion was no longer a monkey. Instead, she had a purple scaly body with a stubby pointed tail and green spikes that spanned from the top of her head to the base of her tail.
“You turned me into SPIKE?” Appul growled angrily.
“Shaladdin’s a prince now he needs something cooler than a monkey for a pet, don’t you think? What’s more prince-ly than a dragon?” Genie said nonchalantly.
“I think you’re adorable…” Doormat said.
“Maybe NEXT TIME you won’t suggest somepony using magic to upstage the only magical pony in this story! Besides the bad guy…”
“Is that what this is about?!”
Genie and Appul began arguing over the concept of plotholes and party poopers.
“Are you following any of this?” Shaladdin asked Doormat.
Genie? Genie. Come here.
“What?”
You’re dragging this out longer than it needs to be, we need to move on.
“But… but narrator!”
And you’re turning Appul back into a monkey.
“Awwww do I have to?”
Genie.
“Fine!”
~*~*~*~
“Sombrar!” The princess called, storming down the palace corridor towards him.
“I just spoke to the royal guard and they informed me that you had personally escorted the prisoner from his cell… what have you done with him?” Jadence demanded.
“Your highness, it is my duty to uphold the peace in Saddle Arabia, I merely carried out the stallion’s sentence.” Sombrar said with a twinge of malice in his tone.
“Sentence?” Jadence asked in horror.
“Yes, you see… the stallion was…” Sombrar paused, unable to think of a convincing lie on the spot.
“Swallowed.” Breago finished. “By a giant pony head. In the middle of nowhere.”
“What?” Jadence asked.
“He jests, Princess.”
“What? You were there! You saw him get eaten--” Braego started but was swiftly cut off when Sombrar’s magic snapped the parrot’s mouth shut.
“I’m afraid I must inform you that the stallion was… banished to the desert. I don’t make the rules, princess, I merely enforce them. We can’t go changing our bylaws because the princess felt bad for the street urchin.”
“But… the scorching sands of the desert stretch on for miles… it’s a death sentence” Jadence said.
“A tragic yet necessary part of Saddle Arabia’s prosperity. Besides, you have far more things to worry your pretty little head about, hm? Like… your lineage.”
“He is right, my daughter.” The sultan said, entering the throne room with his escort of palace guards. His ears were matted against his head and he heaved a sigh. “I have promised the ponies a decision will be made before tomorrow at sunset.”
“But father, every stallion asking for my hoof were all egotistical brutes only after the throne! How could you expect me to choose one of them to wed?” Jadence asked.
“With all due respect, princess, we cannot simply wait around for somepony to burst into the palace and declare they have found your true love” Sombrar said.
“Now that’s just askin’ to be jinxed!” Braego muttered.
The palace doors burst open and a strange pink pony pushed a large cannon into view, aimed directly at the Saddle Arabian throne.
“Told ya.”
“Your royal majesties! And creepy advisor stallion and annoying talking pidgeon.”
“Hey!”
“May I present to you Princess Jadence’s true love!” the pink pony said, igniting the canon which promptly exploded into an array of balloons, confetti, streamers, and a regal stallion standing atop a magical flying doormat. The stallion soared across the room, his doormat screaming the entire way.
“My oh my, who is this?” The sultan exclaimed, taken in by the flashy entrance.
“Oh hey! It’s that Shaladdin kid, he must’ve found the genie and gotten out!” Braego cried excitedly, only to have Sombrar silence him with his magic again.
“Hush, Braego, I must learn who this charlatan is.”
“Are you kiddin’ me? You don’t see the resemblance?! It’s Shaladdin! Look, I can see that monkey’s tail stickin’ out of from under his turban!”
“Give it up, cousin, they’ll never listen.” Appul said.
“Your majesty, my name is Prince Shining Armor and I have come to request the hoof of your lovely Princess Jadence.”
“You certainly know how to make an appearance young prince!” The sultan said gleefully. “Come, meet my daughter, the rarest and most beautiful flower in all of Saddle Arabia.”
Shaladdin bowed before Jadence and kept his eyes locked on hers. She looked so different from the runaway he had met on the street, but her striking eyes remained as hypnotizing as he remembered. Shaladdin was frozen in place, unable to summon the right words to greet her in fear of her rejection.
“Princess… you are indeed quite lovely. I-I wish I knew what to say…”
Having unwittingly used his second wish, Genie poofed to a tiny floating version of herself hovered beside his ear, and told him the next line to say.
(whisper sounds)
“I have traveled a great distance and faced many obstacles to ask you this one question: Will you marry me?” Shaladdin asked, kneeling before her.
“If you think I can be won over by an over exuberant entrance like that then you are a fool. Unlike my father, I am far from impressed Prince Shining Armor and I refuse to remain in the company of those who would trade my marriage like the wares in a marketplace!” Princess Jadence exclaimed, taking off in flight back to her chambers in a huff.
“Welp, there goes one of the only good canon ships.” Genie said with a shrug.
*~*~*~*
Hours later In the courtyard below Princess Jadence’s balcony, Shaladdin was pacing back and forth. He was worried that he’d ruined his first impression with the princess and ultimately her approval.
“Genie… what am I going to do? She’ll never give me a chance now.”
“Aww cheer up Shaladdin! There is way too much fanart and merchandise of you two for this not to work.” Genie said mindlessly blowing balloon animals that would then come to life.
“I don’t think she was too keen on the meet-n-engaged thing you had goin’ on there.” Appul said.
“Excuse me little miss sour appul but for your information all the best fairytale princes get the girl that way. Just ask Prince Dash or Prince Charming! They meet, they kiss, they marry. Oo! You just forgot to kiss her, no wonder it didn’t work!” Genie said.
“Maybe if I go up there… just explain how I feel… she might not hate me.” Shaladdin said dreamy-eyed.
“Gotcha covered!” Genie said, magicking a giant heart-shaped hot air balloon with a picture of Shaladdin and Jadence kissing plastered on its side.
“I… don’t think I’ll be needing your help for this one, Genie. Not that your magic isn’t… great! It’s just that um… Doormat here said she really wants to help me out.” Shaladdin said, pulling Doormat close
“I… I do?”
“Of course you do! After all, everypony has to conquer their fears eventually, right? All you have to do is fly me up to the balcony, I’ll do the rest.” Shaladdin said confidently.
“O-oh um…Okay. I’ll do it.”
“Awww really? But look, it even says: ‘Shipance approved’.” Genie said with a smile.
“I’ll… tell you what Genie. I’ll use Doormat’s help this time and then when the Princess is in love with me, I’ll use my last wish to set you free.”
“WHAT?” Appul said in shock and concern.
“R-really? Does that mean… I can go anywhere and use magic for ANYTHING I WANT?”
“N-now let’s just think about that a little bit Shaladdin… I’m not so sure the world can handle Genie’s uh… unique style of magic unleashed like that.”
“Nah, I’m sure it’ll be fine” Shaladdin said, standing atop doormat and guiding her flight to the balcony above.
Princess Jadence had shut herself in her chamber since the display in the throne room. Her faithful pet Rainja the tiger was close at hoof, wishing there was something that could cheer up her princess.
“They’re expecting a decision tomorrow, Rainja… this is why I tried to leave in the first place. I can’t marry one of those brutes and allow my father’s throne to be misused for personal gain.” Jadence lamented.
Rainja suddenly lept to her paws and growled lowly in the direction of the balcony.
“What is it? Who’s there?” Jadence wondered aloud, she crossed the room and opened the doors leading outside with Rainja following close behind. Standing alone on the balcony was Prince Shining Armor with an apologetic grin on his face.
“H-hello again princess, please forgive my intrusion I just--”
Shaladdin was cut off when Rainja pounced, claws swiping at the intruder.
“Rainja, no. Let me handle this.” Jadence scolded.
“RAINja? As in RAINBOW? She’s the TIGER TOO?” Appul called from below.
“We ran out of the budget! Do you KNOW much it cost to turn you into a monkey? Or Rarity into a giant talking HEAD?”
“W-wait! Princess please, let me explain… I’m very sorry I gave you the wrong first impression earlier I just… I was so nervous to talk to you and I stumbled on my words.” Shaladdin said.
“That didn’t seem like a stumble to me, it seemed like a proposal.” Jadence replied flatly.
“Believe me, princess, even I don’t know what I was thinking I… I only wanted to say the right thing and it got a little out of hoof. Please, give me another chance.” Shaladdin said apologetically.
Though she wanted to turn the stallion away, there was something strangely familiar about this prince. She nodded her head curtly, much to Rainja’s dismay. The tiger growled in disappointment.
“Awww she’s so beautiful” a soft voice said.
“What is that?!” Jadence asked, noticing the strange carpet behind the prince.
“Oh, this is Doormat… she’s a magical flying and talking carpet who just so happens to enjoy animals and hate heights.” Shaladdin said, getting rather descriptive.
“A magical… what?” Jadence asked confused.
“Here, let me show you.” Shaladdin said extending out his hoof while climbing onto the carpet.
“You want me to stand on a magical talking carpet and fly off this balcony? You’re right, my first impression of you wasn’t correct. You’re not a selfish egotistical brute, you’re just insane.” Jadence said.
“Don’t tell me you’re afraid.” Shaladdin said with a devious smile.
“Afraid? Why would I be afraid? I have wings, I can fly perfectly well on my own.” Jadence answered defensively.
“This can’t be the worst challenge you’ve faced.” Shaladdin said.
At the mention of those words Jadence was reminded of what the poor stallion in the marketplace had said. She gave the prince a closer look, seeing the resemblance in his coat and mane and ventured to guess this was indeed the Shaladdin she had feared was long gone.
“Alright, I’ll go.” Jadence replied softly.
Shaladdin smiled and helped her onto doormat before the three of them flew from the balcony into the night sky. There’s something magical about flying doormat rides over a moonlit city. In the span of a few minutes her mind and her heart was changed about Shaladdin, and she embraced feelings of oddly placed romance. Holding each other close, Shaladdin and Jadence sang of the woes of the lives they had led and the bright future they could foresee together. As their love blossomed, Shaladdin debated whether or not to tell Jadence the truth about who he really was, but fearing he may lose her decided instead to hold his tongue.
After their magical flight around the city, doormat returned the happy couple to the princess’s balcony grateful to be on solid ground again. Before it was time to leave, Shaladdin pulled the princess into an embrace.
“Here I was dreading the decision I was forced to make and now I find myself rejoicing in it. I must find my father right away.” Jadence said, taking off from the balcony in flight with the brightest smile on her face. Moments later, Genie and Appul joined Shaladdin on the balcony.
“You DID IT!” Genie rejoiced. “Aww lookit you… I bet your HEART is all a FLURRY! (to camera) get it?”
Ha. Ha.
“She’s the pony of my dreams, genie, and I could have never done this without you.” Shaladdin said.
“I have SO many plans for my magic now that I’m gonna be free! I can throw the biggest party in pony history and invite EVERYONE! Well, I don’t know about the narrators, they don’t seem like the party-type. Maybe I can make things canon! Ooo like Princess Big Mac! Wouldn’t he make the most amazing princess ever? And giving Twilight the cure for the body-swapping spell in Princess Trixie Sparkle, and banishing Discord to generation three and--”
“Genie, wait…” Shaladdin trailed off.
“What is it?” Genie asked.
“I… I’m not so sure I can keep up this charade on my own. Jadence still thinks I’m a prince and the only thing I have to my name is a fancy title and some nice clothes. If I can’t convince the princess that I am royalty I don’t have a chance.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying… I might need to hang onto my third wish… for now…” Shaladdin said nervously.
“But… you… and the… I thought… you can’t!” Genie whined.
“Wow, even I think that’s cold.” Appul said, Doormat agreeing with a soft nod.
“Oh come on, guys, you can’t blame me for being worried! I just… I don’t want to lose her.”
“Fine. If you need me MASTER I’ll be inside the tuba. And if it sounds like I’m crying, I’M NOT I’m just… fine-tuning the instrument. So there. I KNEW I shoulda made you make me Pinkie Promise even though you have no idea what a Pinkie is!” The genie said disappearing back into the tuba in a huff.
“Looks like you’re out of luck, Prince ‘Shining Armor’ or should I say… Shaladdin.” a dark voice said somewhere behind Shaladdin. In a flash of light, Shaladdin was transported to the throne room of the palace. His fine robes had become rags again and his friends Doormat and Appul were being restrained by the saddle arabian guard. Standing confidently in the midst of them was the sultan’s advisor Sombrar.
“Stop squirming you little pest!” the rainbow-maned guard said trying to hold Rainja still. Rainja growled in response, her fur standing on end.
“Wait… what?” Braego chimed in, looking from the guard to the tiger and back. “None of this makes a lick o’sense anymore.”
“Don’t even get me started.” Appul muttered.
In the confusion, Shaladdin’s tuba was pried from his hooves and he was detained by the remaining castle guard. Sombrar held the tuba up in the moonlight with his magic and gave a mighty cackle of joy.
“At last! The instrument of destiny is MINE!” Sombrar shouted. “You! Bring me the sultan and the princess, and YOU detain the boy… the last thing I need is for somepony to decide to be stupid and heroic.”
The Saddle Arabian guard didn’t hesitate and carried out Sombrar’s wishes. As they did so, Sombrar blew into the tuba mouthpiece summoning the genie. A great flash of light and smoke appeared from within but rather than the genie, a large sign hovered in the air in her place reading:
“We’re sorry, the genie you are trying to reach is unavailable at this time due to Shaladdin being a big fat meanie. If you are here to apologize, blow the tuba once. If you are evil and trying to take over the world, blow in the tuba twice. Thank you.”
“Enough of this! Genie, I am Sombrar your new master and I demand you appear before me to grant me my wishes!”
“Does that mean you wish to see me out there?” the genie called from within
“Yes!” Sombrar screamed, then tried to take it back. “Wait, no that’s not what I--”
“TOO LATE!” The Genie said, appearing before him with a giggle. “That’s one wish down, two remaining! Who said you have to be a witty young stallion hero to outsmart the big bad… wait what did you say your name was? Sombrero? Like the hat!”
“Enough!” Sombrar shouted in anger. “I am the master here and you will do as I say!”
The palace guards returned with the sultan and the princess, both of whom protested angrily but were unable to sway the guards’ objective.
“There’s no use, your ‘majesty’. Your loyal stallions answer only to ME now! All it took was a simple brainwashing curse and their feeble little minds were mine to control.” Sombrar cackled.
“No! Sombrar you traitor!” Sultan Sparkle cried.
“Yeah, isn’t it weird that the bad guy already has magic to do stuff like that and still thinks he needs a genie to take over?” Genie pointed out.
“Genie! For my first wish--”
“Second. Second wish.”
“I wish to be the sultan of all of Saddle Arabia!” Sombrar shouted.
“Okay.” Genie replied shortly. Sombrar and all the ponies in the room waited in anticipation of a large display of magic that never came.
“Well?!” Sombrar snapped.
“Uh, it’s done. What, do you want a parade and a lavish musical number?! Because we didn’t have time to do that for the GOOD guy what makes you think YOU’RE getting it?!” Genie snapped back.
“You won’t get away with this Sombrar! I refuse to obey a sultan like YOU!” Shaladdin shouted, struggling against the guards that held him.
“Ah, little Shaladdin I had almost forgotten. Your charade ends at last my naive little friend. Did you really believe I wouldn’t recognize you when you came parading back to Saddle Arabia?”
“Uh, you didn’t. I did.” Braego chimed in.
“And what must the princess think of you now, hmm? Now that she knows you are nothing more than the street rat plucked from the marketplace and conned into getting me the tool I need to take over her father’s throne?!”
“I already knew who he was!” Princess Jadence said bitterly.
“Wait, what?” Shaladdin said in shock.
“You don’t think I could forget you this quickly, do you Shaladdin? Once I saw you on my balcony I recognized you… I knew you were only pretending to be a prince to bypass the law of my father.” Jadence admitted.
“Smart girl. Don’t see too many of those in the older disney movies, do ya?” Genie said.
“It doesn’t matter! There is only one way to get rid of a meddlesome fool like you, Shaladdin! Prepare to face the most powerful ruler in all of Saddle Arabia!”
Sombrar ignited his horn and stamped his hooves on the ground, causing it to quake. Everypony including the guards lost their balance, giving Shaladdin the opportunity to escape. He raced towards the princess only to be thrown in the opposite direction by a great scaley tail that appeared between them.
“Shaladdin no!” Jadence called in distress.
“Oh my! Oh my!” Doormat cried.
“Is… is he…a giant alligator?” Sultan Sparkle asked in fear.
“A giant BABY alligator.” Genie corrected.
“That’s it. I quit. You made the bad guy turn into Gummy?!” Appul shouted at Genie.
“HAH! Please. He’s not Gummy! He’s got teeth! See?! Really sharp ones too. Shaladdin’s doomed. Popcorn?”
Sombrar snapped his teeth at Shaladdin who narrowly missed them. He leapt away from Sombrar’s continued attacks but knew eventually fatigue would spell his doom.
“I dunno about you but I’m bettin’ on the alligator” Braego said, joining Genie and snacking on the buttery treat she had conjured.
“Braebu-- er, Braego! You too?!” Appul snapped.
“The way I see it, cuz, if ya can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em! Ain’t I supposed to be evil anyway?”
“Yeah, till the sequel when you get redeemed for no reason other than they wanted to keep Gilbert Gottfried around.”
“Makes sense.”
“Give it up, Shaladdin you have failed!” Sombrar cackled. “Your wits and magic can never exceed my own!”
“Not true, Sombrar for you are forgetting one crucial thing” Shaladdin said, dodging another strike. “Genie has more power than you will ever have! Once I get my hooves on the tuba and wish for the powers of a genie I will defeat you!”
“Don’t just go SHOUTING YOUR PLAN Shaladdin!” Appul warned.
“Trust me, little friend” Shaladdin replied shortly.
“Hmm… you do have a point. But I’m afraid you shall never have that chance you fool for it is I who will use my final wish to become an all powerful genie!” Sombrar shouted.
“... Wait so is that like you wishing it or just giving a play-by-play of what’s going on in your head?” Genie asked.
“I WISH FOR YOU TO MAKE ME INTO AN ALL-POWERFUL GENIE!” Sombrar said.
“There it is, see I knew that first one wasn’t like an official wish--”
“Consarnit Pinkie just do it!” Appul said, seeing the way her friend was tiring in his attempts to dodge the giant reptile’s attacks.
The genie nodded and the room flashed with a burst of magic, transforming Sombrar from alligator to a menacing genie with eyes that glowed and magic like great plumes of black smoke.
“I can feel the power… coursing through me! Nopony will ever be able to stop me now!” Sombrar said with a cackle.
Shaladdin raced across the room while Sombrar was distracted, following the black smoke to its source. He skid to a stop in front of a large mexican-looking hat.
“Get it? Now he’s a Sombrar-sombrero. Say THAT five times fast.” Genie said.
“That’s right, Sombrar, you DO have all the magic… but you can’t use it! As a genie, you are bound to follow the whims of a master, whichever master dares wear this… uh… hat!” Shaladdin said looking to genie for confirmation. Genie nodded excitedly.
“What!? No!” Sombrar said, moments too late to prevent Shaladdin from wearing the sombrero.
“For my first and ONLY wish, I wish for you to banish yourself from all ponykind somewhere far away where no pony nor creature will ever find you AGAIN!” Shaladdin shouted. Sombrar growled in protest, but his magic ignited and with a resounding boom he disappeared taking the strange hat prison with him.
“See, now THAT is how the original story should have ended. Would have saved everyone the headache of a sequel.” Genie said smugly. “Sorry Braego, guess that means you don’t get redeemed.”
“W-wait! Let’s just talk about this for a sec… I was uh… I uh… I was brainwashed! Like the guards! I never liked that guy, too brooding, too obviously evil. I like the subtle things. You’ll give me a chance, right Shaladdin? Wh-what about you cousin? We’re still kin after all!” Braego said.
“I’m sorry… do I know you?” Appul said flatly.
“Ooooo buuuuuuuuuuuuurn” Genie said giggling.
Shaladdin reared on his hind legs and aimed a spell towards Braego who screamed in protest.
“Alright! Alright I’m goin’! Rather be a western pony stereotype than a bird anyway.” Braego said, fleeing from Shaladdin and his friends in a hurry.
“Shaladdin!” Jadence cried in relief, running into Shaladdin’s open hooves.
“A disaster! An absolute catastrophe… and to think all these years I trusted him to-- why, Jadence my dear, can it be true…. Have you finally decided on a suitor?!” Sultan Sparkle said happily.
“But your majesty… I lied, I’m not of royal blood.” Shaladdin said sadly.
“Father, please, if you want me to be happy abolish your law and let us be together.” Jadence pleaded.
“Shaladdin my boy, you have proven to be brave of heart and noble of spirit. I could not have asked for somepony better to wed my daughter and bring her a lifetime of happiness. Consider the law abolished.” Sultan Sparkle said.
The two lovers rejoiced and locked their lips in a romantic kiss.
“Does… he realize that Sultan Sparkle’s an alicorn and probably will live forever and so is the princess so there’s really no need for an heir…” Appul asked.
“Shh! What is it with you fourth wall breakers and interrupting the love scene?” Genie scolded.
Shaladdin nuzzled Jadence, but pulled away with a small grin.
“There’s just one thing left to do.” He said, turning to Genie. “Genie? I use my third wish… and I wish you free!”
Genie let out a mighty cheer and ignited a slew of party cannons in celebration before bouncing off the walls in a flurry of pink light and magic. With no limit to her power, she would now be free to spread her crazy energy and parties across the globe.
“Aaaand we’re doomed.” Appul said.
The End.
