It was a normal Wednesday for Party Favor. He’d double checked the inventory to ensure he had enough supplies available for the weekend’s festivities. After that he’d sent out various invoices and estimates to clients for his party planning services. Finally, he contacted the bakeries, restaurants and entertainers who he would be employing that weekend and let them know the particulars of each event.
Party Favor smiled in satisfaction. He loved his job. There was nothing he enjoyed more than watching the faces of other ponies shine with joy at a party he’d planned. He’d even saved some of his best ideas in a series of binders located on the large oak bookshelf in the back next to his desk. Everything from beautiful birthday parties to saucy soirées were located on that bookshelf and awaited future updates.
He gazed at the bookshelf, his horn glowed and he removed one of the binders. As it floated toward his desk he glanced over at the wall behind it and noticed a small white square that he hadn’t noticed before. The square was unusually shiny in the late morning light. Party Favor cocked his head and wondered aloud why that one particular square was painted differently than the rest of the wall. His attention to the paint abnormality however was soon diverted when the front door’s bell clanged indicating he had a potential client.
Party Favor quickly brushed his bushy blue hair back as he exited his office and saw a unicorn he’d never seen before. She was a sickly pale teal pony. Her mane was neon green and incredibly greasy. Her eyes darted about the shop, quivering with nervous energy. Party Favor smiled politely at her and said, “Welcome to Party’s Favorite Planning. Are you looking for…”
“Yeah, I need a party planned for the kid. You do that,” asked the unicorn cutting him off.
Party Favor nodded, “Yes, I do. What sort of….”
“Yeah, you got a book or something I can look at? You know something that shows the type of stuff you do,” asked the unicorn staring up at the ceiling.
Party Favor nodded and levitated a binder toward her. “What sort of party are you looking to have? Is it a birthday party, retirement, wedding, baby shower,” he asked hoping she would provide a quick and curt answer.
The teal unicorn flipped the binder open to a random page. She mouthed the name of each type of party as she glared at the page. Party Favor watched her for a few minutes before repeating his question to which she uttered a noncommittal grunt and continued to flip through the book. “This one,” she declared pointing at a bright pink page.
Party Favor turned the binder to face him and nodded, “Ah the Princess Party. That’s a very popular one for little fillies. In the basic package they get a crown, a scepter and a cake in the shape of the castle of their…”
“That’s great,” interrupted the unicorn, “But when do they show up?”
Party Favor furrowed his brow. “Excuse me ma'am but, when does who show up,” he asked.
“The princesses,” replied the unicorn as she rolled her eyes, “I mean I’d figure they must be pretty desperate to just show up for a filly’s party. They got some money problem or something?”
Party Favor laughed. “That’s a good one! I’ll have to remember that.”
The teal unicorn tilted her head to one side, “If it’s a princess party then they’ve gotta be there right?”
He stopped laughing and stared. “I’m sorry I thought you were,” he paused and looked into her vacant gaze his voice upping an octave, “Joking?”
“No,” she said with a huff, “If it’s a princess party then Celestia or the midnight peeper or what’s her face… “
“Who’s the midnight peeper,” asked Party Favor as he blinked in confusion.
“Her sister, you know the dark one.”
“You mean Princess Luna? The one that helps foals deal with their nightmares and raises the moon?”
“Yeah and she’s a peeping Tom!”
“Ma’am I… what?”
“She’s a shapeshifter too. See,” she said, “I was falling asleep to that book A Knight to Remember and I caught her peeping on me. Only she had paws, a striped bushy tail and a face with a mask on.”
“I think that’s a raccoon.”
“Don’t tell me what I saw and I know it was her,” shouted the unicorn.
“Well okay,” said Party Favor his eyes darting back and forth as he took a step back.
“What about the purple one who talks all the time? She’s gotta be available ol’ what’s her name. Light Sparkplug?”
“No,” replied Party Favor quietly, “It’s Twilight Sparkle.”
“She’s gotta be coming then,” as she began to shake slightly, “She hasn’t done anything since that horny centaur guy sucked up all the magic then was forced to spit it all out.”
Party Favor bit his tongue, closed his eyes and quickly counted to ten. When opened his eyes he sighed and retrieved the binder from her and placed it back at his desk. “Ma’am,” he began, “I’m sorry you’re confused, but the Princess Party is just the name of the party. It’s the theme. No actual princesses are included.”
“You’re a liar,” she replied with a huff.
Party Favor blinked and asked, “How?”
“You keep saying that it’s a princess party. That means princesses are showing up. I don’t know what all this theme junk is and I don’t care who it is that shows up. It can be the peeper, Celestia, Toilet Sparkle, whoever,” she declared her slight shake becoming a mild tremble, “But one of them has to show up or I’ll sue and you’ll go to jail. Party Jail!”
“Lady, you’re obtuse,” grumbled Party Favor his patience having worn thin.
The teal unicorn narrowed her eyes, “You callin’ me fat?”
“No! Obtuse not obese! I think you need to…”
“I lost eighty pounds in two weeks.” The teal unicorn stared at Party Favor, her bloodshot eyes twitched uncontrollably as her tremors worsened, “Wanna know how?”
“I really don’t…”
“Crystal soda is fan-freaking-tastic,” she said with a not so toothy smile, “Just drink that and don’t eat!”
“That’s too much caffeine and sugar! Ma’am that’s not healthy and...”
Party Favor never finished the sentence as he watched the unicorn pass out in front of him. He quickly knelt over her and checked to see if she was still breathing and had a pulse. He sighed in relief when he found both. After a call for an ambulance he loaded her onto a dolly and pushed her outside. Ten minutes later the paramedics arrived and carted her away.
As he watched the ambulance head off Party Favor decided that he’d had enough planning and that he’d head to lunch a bit earlier than usual. “Some ponies,” he muttered to himself as he locked the front door to his shop.
Author's Note
Based on real events.
It was a lovely lunch. The green curry had just the right amount of spice to it and the mango yogurt drink was equally as flavorful. Party Favor hadn’t thought once about that unicorn as he wandered down Canterlot’s main thoroughfare. He smiled and occasionally greeted the passersby that he recognized. He continued his stroll a warm summer breeze wafted across his mane, lightly tossing it about as his mind wandered back to when he first opened his party shop.
Three months back he'd searched high and low for a place to set up such a business. Our Town was quaint and most of his friends lived there. However, he’d always wanted to throw bigger parties than what the town's population would allow. When he came to Canterlot and saw the small vacant shop with its dusty windows and racks along with its surprisingly inexpensive rent he recognized its potential.
Over the course of those months he’d moved in and advertised. It wasn’t long before he was planning all sorts of parties for all sorts of ponies. Party Favor knew that if business kept up that he would have to folks to mind the store when he needed to step out. Unfortunately, he hadn’t had the time to do a proper interview of new employees. “Maybe next week,” he said to himself as he considered where he’d put the ‘help wanted’ sign.
Party Favor was lost in thought as he rounded the corner to his shop. When he did his heart skipped a beat as he saw two of Canterlot’s finest standing in front of it. Their steely gray armor and stern demeanor were evident from where he stood. Party Favor gulped and his pace quickened as his mind began to race as to why they could be waiting. He soon broke into a gallop as numerous scenarios ran through his head, most of which either involved a break in or Starlight Glimmer going rogue. “Hey I own this place,” huffed Party Favor, “What’s going on?”
“You’re the owner of Party’s Favorite...”
“Yes! I’m Party Favor,” he interrupted, “Was there a break in? Is everything alright?”
“Do you know a pony named Whey Stead,” asked the tall guard on the left, “Skinny teal unicorn with a dirty green mane.”
“I don’t know her but that sounds like the pony that was in my shop today.”
“May we come in,” asked the shorter heavier guard next to him.
“Of course,” responded Party Favor, “How is she? Is she doing okay now? She passed out in my store and I had to call for help.”
“She’s fine," replied the tall guard, "Very talkative.”
Party Favor nodded and let the guards in. He watched as the pair looked about the shop including his office. The then conferred with one another in hushed tones before the heavier one asked, “Which of those binders had the Princess Party listed?”
Party Favor blinked, “Well the one on the desk. Why?”
The heavy guard flipped through the binder quickly and found the page. He read it quickly and looked at Party Favor, “So which princess is supposed to show up at this party?”
Party Favor’s eyes became saucers as his mouth dropped. “It’s just the theme,” he replied meekly.
“There’s no disclaimer on here. That's a real problem,” responded the guard, “That’s a second degree PF.”
“A what?”
“Also,” continued the guard, “Where are your licenses?”
“Licenses? For what?”
“To party,” continued the heavy guard in a monotone voice, “Or rather to plan parties. That shiny spot on the wall is where you’re supposed to display it along with a business license. The lack of those are first degree PFs right there.”
“What’s a PF,” asked Party Favor as he shot glances between the two guards, “Why do I need a license to plan a party or even a… what did you call it… business license?”
“It’s a party foul Favor. In Canterlot, by law, you need a license to plan parties along with your business license. Both licenses need to be displayed in that square behind your desk.”
“Well no one told me that,” replied Party Favor abruptly, "I've been here three months and never heard anything about that!"
"Oh come on," said the heavy guard mockingly.
“Yeah, where’ve you been,” replied the taller guard as he approached Party Favor, “Some isolated collectivist compound?”
“Well yes but I…”
“Regardless you’re going to need to come with us to sort this out,” replied the heavier guard as he nodded to the taller guard to get closer to Party Favor, “You’re probably looking at some time.”
“But!”
“Hopefully the Jester’s Court isn’t too backed up and the judge can see you before the day is done.”
“Time? Are you serious?”
“Very.”
What if he can’t,” asked Party Favor as the guards cuffed him.
“Well then you’ll spend the night in Party Jail.”
“That’s a real thing,” shouted in shock Party Favor.
“Very real,” replied the tall guard, “And let me tell you, it’s not as fun as it sounds.”
Party Favor sat quietly outside of the courtroom next to Kyle and his friend. He’d explained to them what had happened in as much detail as he could but when they’d offered to help him out of it he’d declined. They seemed like nice guys but with his life and livelihood on the line he’d figured it would be better to go with the public defender, whoever that was, after all experience had to mean something.
For his part, Kyle had shrugged it off and didn’t push it any further, but let Party Favor know that the offer was still good if he wanted it later on. Kyle swished his tail back and forth off of the bench and stared up at the ceiling much like a bored kid waiting for his mom to finish grocery shopping. Meanwhile Boner gazed at the floor. “You know why they call this place the Jester’s Court,” asked the diamond dog.
Party Favor blinked and looked over at the hulking Boner. It was the first truly complete sentence he’d uttered since they’d shared the cell. Unsure of where this was going or how long it would last, Party Favor replied, “The shape right? Like a jester’s hat?”
“Nope. Long ago if entertainers had a dispute, they’d sort it out here. Eventually they built a building here and after a while the city bought the building to handle the ever growing case load. After all, as a population grows disagreements increase.”
“What about … you know that spooky circus jail then?”
Kyle sighed and looked over at Party Favor. As if reading it out of a book the gryphon said dryly, “Named after Polly Tickle Party. Party Penitentiary or Party Jail is a wonder to behold. She loved the circus so she designed it to resemble one.”
“It didn’t get the name however, until she lost her key to a cell she was visiting upon the jail’s grand opening. She did a month before she was let out. It happened again out west at Polly Tickle Prison,” added Boner.
“True.
“Over time ‘Party Jail’ held some of the most heinous offenders until Tartarus was officially designated as where the worst of the worst would be stored. Today, it serves Canterlot as a minimum and medium security facility,” said Boner.
“What? Where did you two hear all of that?”
“Equestrian History second semester dude,” replied Kyle as he stretched, “Part of the course load we had to take. I got a B- but Boner here’s a whizz at that stuff. I only remembered that much because party jail was what we used to call it when you and a girl would get locked in a closet for seven…”
The doors to the court room flew open as a mustard colored mare in a smart business jacket raced from within interrupted their conversation. “0 and 246,” she repeated between sobs as she ran toward the restroom.
Party Favor’s eyes widened, “Who was that?”
“Public defender dude. It’s weird that she was here now. I guess somebody must have hired her outside of the office,” Kyle sighed, “She means well but she’d be better as a legal…”
“psh… politician,” muttered Boner.
“Go on in bro they’re probably finishing up and after a short recess they’ll start running through our cases.”
“How often have you been here,” asked Party Favor as he walked to the doors.
“Lost count dude,” replied Kyle with a smile.
The courtroom was clean. Unlike the faded harlequin pattern that adorned the Party Jail the colors were bold and well maintained. The reds were deep with copper accents that set it off from the black tiles that helped the diamond pattern that along the floor and up the wall until they slowly fade into black marble behind large crimson curtains.
Party Favor took his seat in the audience as a familiar pegasus argued her case before the judge. From what he could gather Rainbow Dash had performed a series of pranks on the ponies of her hometown. They didn't much care for it and while a number of them had pranked her back one of the residents, a donkey, decided to sue. "But judge," complained the rainbow maned pony, "It was just a prank. A joke."
"Ms. Dash," stated the judge, a light green earth pony with a long white beard and a well-kept mane, "You admitted that you entered the home of a Mr. Doodle uninvited and replaced his hairpiece with a skunk. The skunk then proceeded to spray him and the entire room."
"But your honor it was just..."
"Ms. Dash the 'It was just a prank bro' defense is not a valid defense. Your lawyer, before she ran out of here, should have understood that. You’re lucky that this is a civil proceeding. Therefore you are required to pay full restitution to Mr. Doodle for the damages your prank caused and since this is the second time you've been before this court I am adding a punitive punishment as well."
"What," shouted Rainbow Dash.
"You will have your mane shaved completely off and will not be allowed to wear anything to cover it up until it grows back!"
"But your honor!"
"Don't but me young lady," replied the judge sternly, "You’re lucky criminal charges weren’t filed as well. If I see you in here one more time because of your pranks I will be less than pleased and will do whatever it takes within the scope of the powers granted to me to teach you that there is a time and a place for joking and that damaging another’s property is not a funny joke. Are we clear?”
"Yes sir," Rainbow Dash answered dejectedly.
"Good. One shaved head for Ms. Dash and three thousand seven hundred and sixty five bits in restitution to Mr. Doodle it is so ordered," said the judge and banged his gavel, “And now I’m ordering a fifteen minute recess before we start on new matters.” With that the judge stepped down from the bench and disappeared in the back.
Party Favor slumped forward in his seat. His mind raced with questions about his business to whether or not this was just a preliminary hearing to if he lost this case just what would his punishment be to where if the court appointed lawyer would come back. He closed his eyes and ran his forehooves over his mane as tears welled up in his eyes.
The sound of the doors to the courtroom creaking open echoed throughout the chamber as various would be defendants shuffled in murmuring to themselves. “Hey, you don’t look so good,” said Kyle as he sat next to Party Favor.
“That’s an understatement. The only other lawyer than the DA is crying in the bathroom, nopony has bothered to discuss my case with me other than, no offense, you and I could lose everything from my business to my freedom.”
Kyle wrapped an arm around Party Favor’s shoulders and looked at him, “Bro, my offer still stands. Nobody else is here and honestly I don’t even know when she’s coming back. Last time she was in there for four hours.”
Party Favor sighed, “Fine.”
“Cool.” Kyle stood up and looked over at Boner who stood by the prosecutor and shouted, “Yo! He said yes! It’s on!”
Party Favor’s eyes widened as he glanced between the duo, “Wait - but - how did… you know?”
“Had a hunch,” said Kyle as he motioned for Party Favor to follow him, “Right now Boner is setting stuff up with the DA, sharing info and all. We’re also bumping you up in order of appearance. You’ll be the first to go okay?’
“W-why,” asked Party Favor looking thunderstruck, “Why would you do that?”
“Seemed like the thing to do,” said Kyle with shrug, “Just keep a straight face when the judge comes in, you know like when you play poker… solemn.”
“Yeah… solemn,” replied Party Favor as he hung his head and sat quietly.
The minutes ticked by slowly. As they did Boner wrote furiously on a piece of paper while Kyle sat back in his chair. Finally after what felt like an eternity to Party Favor the bailiff called for those in the court to rise. “The honorable Judge Mint is now presiding.”
The same green earth pony from earlier slowly exited from the back, climbed up to the bench and told the court to be seated. He looked down at his notes as he took his seat and looked up at the courtroom and began to explain how things would run in his courtroom. He was half way though his explanation when his gaze drifted over to Party Favor. His right eye twitched and his last word hung silently from his mouth. Slowly he closed it and raised his right forehoof to his face and muttered quietly to himself before look back in Party Favor’s direction. “What are you doing here,” he asked emphasizing the ‘you’.
Party Favor glanced about and pointed to himself as the blood ran from his face. “I… um … I ….”
“Hi dad,” replied Kyle with a sheepish grin.
“Dad,” gasped Party Favor as he stared in abject shock at the griffon, “He’s your dad? How….”
“I’m adopted dude. Pretty obvious, heck he doesn’t even like wool blankets….”
Judge Mint banged his gavel. “That’s irrelevant. Why are you and Mr. Bonekowski…”
“My friends call me Boner your honor,” answered the diamond dog.
“I am not going to call you that stupid nickname,” shot back Judge Mint.
“Well, we’re here representing Party Favor da… I mean your honor.”
Judge Mint’s gaze slowly fixed on Party Favor who was in the process of making himself appear as small as he could. “Is this true,” asked the judge.
Party Favor nodded quickly as he grabbed one of Kyle’s wings and began to open it in front of him in an attempt to hide from the judge’s gaze. However, no sooner had Party Favor extended the wing completely that Boner pulled him from behind the wing and muttered, “Say the words,” at which point Party Favor squeakily answered in the affirmative.
“Luna wept,” murmured the judge as he shook his head and looked over the charges. “These are fairly serious charges. The court can appoint actual council free of charge. You are aware of this correct?”
“I think she’s still crying in the bathroom,” said Kyle, “But if you want I’ll drag her out.”
“Please don’t.” Judge Mint motioned for one of the guards to come over. After a brief conversation he looked in the direction of Party Favor, “A new public defender will be arriving in an hour if you’re interested in changing your representation. No offense to my son and his friend but, it might do you well to consider a representative with more experience.”
“But dad,” Kyle bit his tongue at the slip up, “I mean your honor … all they do is lose.”
“They’ve won before.”
“Five years ago,” muttered Boner.
Party Favor stood quietly for a moment and weighed his options. On one hoof Kyle and Boner were didn’t have any experience as lawyers. On the other hoof the only experience the public defenders seemed to have was that of losing. He cleared his throat, “Your honor, with all due respect to the public defenders, I think I’ll stick with these two for now. Plus they haven’t lost yet.”
The prosecutor, a smartly dressed female unicorn smirked. “Well, desperation breeds strange bedfellows,” she said before reading the charges.
The judge then asked how Party Favor intended to plea. Before he could open his mouth Kyle spoke, “Your honor he not only pleads not guilty but wants to move to an immediate bench trial starting now.”
Party Favor’s eyes widened as the world began to spin. The prosecutor immediately objected, “Your honor he can’t do that. I don’t have my witnesses and the only thing I have from the defense is a list with two names on it, the defendant’s and mine.”
“We have like, a precedent your honor,” replied Kyle who looked to Boner.
“According the high court a defendant may request an immediate bench trial at pretrial if a not guilty plea is stated. The prosecution is required to have all evidence and witnesses readily available in case of such a request. Speedy vs. Canterlot 1844,” said Boner.
“You do realize that this is a risky maneuver Mr. Favor,” said the judge.
Party Favor trembled, “No kidding… I mean… yes.”
“It’s an unusual tactic. One that is rarely used these days, if ever,” said Judge Mint as he looked at the parties, “However, since there is precedent for it I’ll allow it.”
“But my witnesses…”
“You should send an aide out to find them Ms. Latitat. These trials, at least back in the day were known to be rather quick and not always in favor of the defense.”
“Can I cut in here,” asked Kyle.
“What do you want?”
Kyle cleared his throat, “Well, I mean like instead of sending her aide out to find a couple of guards for one case. Two guards that she might not be able to find in time given the nature of this type of trial, we should work something out.”
“What do you propose,” asked Latitat.
"Well, the entire idea of “party fouls” as law is totally bogus. Any reasonable client could have looked at that book and known that a real princess wasn’t likely to show. She was riding a sugar and caffeine high that led to a major crash. Party Favor can’t be blamed for her weirdness or not understanding of … you know… logic and stuff. ”
“I admit that’s a fair point. While it is well known that Princess Celestia does like her cake I admit it would be unlikely that she would be able to attend every party that had cake even if invited.”
“Also these licensing requirements are an overreach. In the case of Party Favor there is no training that one can attain for his profession. He plans and can hire others with the expertise he needs to create what he requires. If he happens to pick up certain skills in the meantime it’s all well and good but he would never be considered a professional in those areas. Plumbers, electricians, doctors, and so on are considered professionals and all require training, schooling and the ability to pass city examinations before they can be licensed,” said Boner.
“So what is it you two want done?”
“If the DA and you agree,” began Kyle, “Party Favor will pay the two hundred bit fine and register his business today okay? But not guilty on the rest.”
Boner nodded. “He may have to list or show in a picture what is included in a standard party package. If you want he can bring his books in once he has made the appropriate edits, however this isn’t a criminal matter. He wasn’t trying to defraud anyone. Second, the law regarding the licensing is too broad and should only apply to those who are required to have the previously noted training and education in order to do that job effectively.”
Judge Mint looked over at Latitat, “Is this something you are willing to agree to?”
“If it means I’ll have time to round up who I need to round up then fine,” she said as she looked back at the rest of those who were waiting for their pretrial hearings, “I have a feeling I’m going to need it.”
Judge Mint sighed, “It’s going to be a long day. Fine, write it up and I’ll agree to the deal.”
“While we were waiting I took the liberty,” said Boner and passed the agreement to Party Favor who quickly signed it. He then passed it to the prosecution for her signature as well before handing it to the judge.
“Well, how nimble you,” replied the judge who then signed off on it. “The court agrees with these terms,” Judge Mint banged his gavel.
“Yes! We won,” shouted Kyle as he pumped a claw. Party Favor smiled broadly and sighed in relief and elation as the judge banged his gavel.
“Not so fast boys,” said Judge Mint, “Ms. Latitat what are the charges against Mr. Purple Sage and Mr. Bonekowski? “
“Public intoxication … again.”
Judge Mint sighed, “Luna wept.”
“But… it wasn’t our fault,” replied Kyle.
“Your mother is going to have a fit once she hears about this and chances are I’m going to end up on the couch!” Judge Mint sighed and looked at the files for the two of them, “How do you plea?”
“Okay first it was totally not our fault dad. Like, we were celebrating Celestia and Luna’s victory over Buckvard….”
“Go Space Hens,” shouted a pony from the gallery.
“You know it bro,” shouted Kyle as he turned and faced the gallery, his talons raised above his head in triumph. Several other ponies cheered.
Judge Mint banged his gavel loudly. Kyle turned about and caught his father’s glare and his bravado evaporated. “What happened,” growled the judge.
“We partied in a bar and they launched us into public.”
“Like javelins,” added Boner.
“It was really graceful,” continued Kyle, “Anyway when we were picked up it was total profiling.”
“Oh for the love of… how?”
“They were arresting anybody who was rolling down that side walk screaming, ‘Peck ‘em Hens.’”
Judge Mint looked to the DA who did her best to stifle a chuckle at the story. Judge Mint sighed and bridged his hooves as he looked at his son and his son’s friend sternly. “To this day it boggles my mind that the two of you are able to focus and defend someone else using, facts and legal precedent in a fairly articulate manner, land solid to good grades in school, but when it comes to yourselves you become jabbering frat boy stereotypes.”
“Sorry dad,” said Kyle sheepishly.
“Here’s what is going to happen. The two of you are going to plead guilty.”
“Oh come on,” replied Boner.
“You’re both going to plead guilty,” repeated Judge Mint his voice hardening, “You’re going to pay two hundred bits each and do three hundred hours of community service is that clear?”
Kyle and Boner nodded quietly.
“Now as a parent who is concerned for the wellbeing of his son and his son’s best friend I will be sending out two letters. The first is going to the president of the university Celestia and Luna in which I will tell him that the two of you are banned from any and all sporting events for a year.”
“Aw nuts,” muttered Boner.
“Second, I will send a letter to your parents Mr. Bonekowski recommending that they do what I am going to do to Kyle here. I will continue to pay for his tuition and dorm fees. However, any money he needs for books, food, and other incidentals that’s coming out of his pocket. I will not support his partying.”
“But dad I don’t have a job!”
“I’d suggest you get one. Maybe that pony you defended knows someone who’s hiring or maybe he might have need of you. Now, make your pleas.”
“Guilty,” said Kyle and Boner simultaneously.
“Thank you. The court sentences you both to two hundred bit fines and three hundred hours community service. You may leave.”
While Party Favor and Boner began to head for the doors Kyle remained behind, “Hey dad.”
“Yes?”
“Sorry and um… you remember that clown from Basil’s birthday?”
“Yes,” rumbled the judge as ice entered his voice.
“He’s in holding. Just thought you should know.”
“Thank you,” said Judge Mint, “He’ll be first after this group. Be sure to call your mother more often she worries about you.”
“I will.”
“And stay out of trouble.”
Kyle nodded and followed the pair out of the courtroom.
Party Favor grinned from ear to ear as he ditched the orange jumpsuit and made his way into the basement with the griffon and diamond dog close behind. According to Kyle, the Equestrian National Bank had a 24 hour branch next to the clerk’s office that allowed for folks to withdraw the money they needed so they could pay fines, file paperwork and so on. Party Favor thought it was convenient due to the fact that most ponies didn’t tend to carry large amounts of bits on them. “I don’t know how I can thank you two,” repeated Party Favor, “I mean for everything not just the court stuff.”
“Don’t worry about it,” replied Boner, “Happy to help.”
“Well, we do have one problem though dude. After this fine I’m gonna have to scramble for funds. We’ve gotta get jobs and all,” said Kyle. He then glanced over at Party Favor and asked, “You don’t know anyone whose hiring do you?”
“Weirdly enough I was thinking of bringing on some part time help so that I didn’t have to shut the shop down when I was at lunch or if I had an event. But I don’t know if….”
“Dude I’m down. We can work registers and like take orders and stuff. Just gotta work it around classes.”
“Well then I guess that’s settled,” replied Party Favor as he began to fill out a withdrawl slip.
“Hey know what we should do,” asked Kyle.
“What’s that,” replied Boner.
“Celebratory kegger back at LOL House. They won’t kick us out of our own frat. Plus we can sleep there.”
Party Favor looked up at the two, “I’ve heard of and thrown all manner of parties but… what’s a kegger?”
Kyle’s eyes widened and his mouth hung wide, “Bro!”
“Dude,” replied Boner in shock.
“You’re coming with us,” said Kyle grasping Party Favor’s shoulders.
“I am?”
“You’re gonna get an education! How to shotgun the hardest cider, cider pong,” began Kyle.
“The proper way to ride a mattress and or a scooter down a set of stairs,” continued Boner.
“And the pleasures of ‘Party Jail,’” said Kyle making air quotes, “With beautiful bodacious co-eds.”
“I’m … going to be late to open my shop tomorrow aren’t I?”
“You know it dude,” said Kyle as he looked at him squarely in the face, “But think of all the stuff you’ll learn by doing.”
Party Favor chuckled, “Well, I can’t argue with that.”
The ride to the Jester's Court led out of the city down a long winding road to the base of the mountain that housed Canterlot. Party Favor's head hung low as they wound their way below the tree line which muted the suns bright rays. It wasn't until the first notes of what could only be circus music hit his ears that he looked up.
In the distance sat the largest tent he'd ever seen surrounded by a tall fence. Its faded black and white harlequin design had seen better days. Yet, the more Party Favor watched the tent the more it moved as if it were breathing slowly and painfully. The cart slowly crawled toward it and Party Favor gulped loudly as the music grew louder. Typically the sound of classical circus music would have made Party Favor smile. This time however, something about it was different. Notes that should have pop and life were distorted and unworldly. Party Favor's eyes widened as he whispered "The Jester's Court," to the guard.
"No," he replied, "That's Party Jail. It's not all it appears."
"Then where is," began Party Favor as the cart veered toward, what appeared to be giant spider. The blue unicorn gasped and pressed against the side of the cart away from the monstrosity.
The tall guard cocked his head then rolled his eyes. "That is the Jester's Court," replied the guard, "If you look closely you can see it resembles a cap and bells."
Party Favor gulped as the cart pulled up and the tall guard led him out of the cart toward the stone building for processing. He gazed at the building for a few moments before closing his eyes tightly until they were inside. Once there, he was processed. Photos and hoof prints were taken and paperwork was filed. Eventually he was given an orange jumpsuit to wear while he waited in one of the holding cells.
The cells were filled with all manner of performers, college students, pranksters, no-goodniks, and several clearly intoxicated individuals. Party Favor wasn't quite sure what exactly any of them were doing there but, kept his mouth shut just the same and sat against the wall.
After what felt like years Party Favor heard it. From out of the shadows in the cell across the hall a low deep voice whispered the word, “Party.” He ignored it at first and watched the rather animated discussion his cellmates were engaged in about a recent buckball game until the voice began to repeat the word. Slowly Party Favor looked over toward the darkened cell across the hall and noticed a clown waving at him. Party Favor reluctantly returned the friendly gesture and when he did the clown quickly came to his cell door and said, "Hi Party!"
Party Favor cocked his head as he looked at the pony dressed as a clown. His red wig left the top of his head without a visible mane. His face was painted in bright white while his nose and lips were as red as cherries. Party Favor wondered if he had ever hired this particular clown before as he looked him over.
The clown's smile widened as he gazed at Party Favor. "Well aren't you going to properly say hello?"
"Do I know you from somewhere," asked Party Favor.
"Maybe," replied the clown playfully.
Party Favor shrugged off a drunken frat pony that had begun to shout through the bars of the cell at the guards. "What's your name," he finally asked over the din.
"I'm Ruble Smart the Happy Clown," he proclaimed thumping his chest, "And you're Party Favor the planner who got a bum rap."
“How…”
“It’s written all over your face Party. Plus, I’ve seen your work.”
Party Favor sighed and looked down, "I guess that makes sense,” Party Favor sighed as he looked down, “So much has happened and now they're saying I might go to Party Jail."
"Is that so," asked Ruble Smart, "Well, if it makes you feel better it's not so bad in there."
Party Favor shook his head, "No, it looks bad. Heck it feels..."
"Off?"
"Yes."
"Well that's just a trick," replied Ruble Smart, "Ancient unicorn magic, nothing to worry about. Heck I’ve been there and when I’ve been there I like to work on my act for the kiddies!"
"Which is?"
Ruble Smart slowly backed into the cell and in spite of the bright white face paint disappeared into the shadows. When he finally reappeared he had a large piece of paper which he promptly began to fold. After a few seconds the clown revealed he'd turned the large piece of paper into a rather impressive looking clipper ship. "Ta da."
"That's really good," replied Party Favor with a smile, "I'm pretty good with balloons myself."
"There's just one problem," said Ruble Smart as he looked at the boat.
"What's that?"
Ruble Smart's gaze shifted back to Party Favor. When it did his eyes began to glow as he held up the boat, "They sink. They all sink in there. And if you go there you'll sink with them!" Ruble Smart began to laugh maniacally as he glared at him, his eyes shining with a wicked light.
Party Favor's eyes widened as he sat frozen in the clowns gaze. The more the clown laughed the harder his heart pounded as he tried to slide toward the back of the cell and break contact with him. His lower lip quivered. While the building and the tent had been scary enough this was more than he could handle. Not since the time he'd fallen into that nest of daddy longlegs had he felt so helpless and fearful.
"Hey," shouted a voice from behind him, "You're that clown. You're the one that tried to rook my father for eighty bits and scared my baby bro with that laugh and those stupid shiny lenses of yours!"
"Am not," replied Ruble Smart defensively.
Party Favor turned his head and was surprised to see a griffon standing behind him. He was taller than the ponies he'd met. The tips of his normally white feathers were dyed blue as were the tips of his talons. The back half resembled the body of a dark gray lion and all of it was trained on the clown in the other cell. "Yes you are dude," shouted the griffon, "I never forget a cackle!”
“Prove it!”
“Let me tell you something dude, when my dad gets hold of you you’re going to wish I did!"
"Word," said the diamond dog behind him as the clown slowly backed his way from the door.
Party Favor turned to the griffon and grasped his talon in his hooves and pumped it rapidly before hugging him trembling "Oh thank you so much! I never..."
"Yeah he's a jerk, “replied the griffon as he slowly pried the pony off of him. He’s third rate accountant who enjoys scaring folks. You just gotta know how to handle 'em."
"Well, you seem pretty good at it."
"Gotta be bro. Folks’ll always try and test you and get away with stuff,” said the griffon. “Oh, where are my manners. I'm Kyle Purple Sage and this,” He said pointing to the diamond dog next to him, "Is my bro. Dominic Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Bonekowski. But we at Lambda Omega Lambda just call him ‘Boner.’"
Boner was slightly taller than Kyle but wider and appeared to be the sort who lifted weights regularly. His chocolate brown fur stuck out of a large buckball jersey. He smiled politely and asked, "You?"
"I'm Party Favor."
"Cool," replied Boner.
"Pleasure's ours bro," replied Kyle as he wobbled a bit and eyed Party Favor, "So, like what did you do to get in here? You don't seem the type to be in a holding cell."
Party Favor sighed, "I'm not. See I had this customer come into my store looking for someone to throw her a party and things got out of hoof."
"You fight," asked Boner as he threw a mock punch.
"No, I mean … she was rude and weird.”
“Sounds like you need to start at the beginning bro,” said Kyle as he leaned against the wall and rubbed his temple, “A story might help clear this hangover.”
Party Favor sighed and told his story. He told them about his morning and how Whey Stead came in and offered curt responses and the call for the medics. He even spoke briefly about the lunch he’d had before running into the guards outside of his shop.
“Gold or gray,” asked Boner.
“What do you mean?”
“Their armor. Gold or gray,” repeated the diamond dog.
“Well, gray I mean. They were guards.”
Kyle sighed, “City guard bro. What are you in for?”
“They called them PFs.”
“What in the name of Discord’s dangle is a PF?”
“Party foul. What’s a dangle?”
“That fluff at the end of his tail,” said Kyle as he made his way to the bars with a confused look on his face. “Pike! Yo Pike! I need the book I need the book on city law bro!”
“Shut up Kyle,” shouted the tan stallion at the end of the hall, “Public drunkenness is a crime. You know this and you’re not getting out of this one.”
“Dude, get me the book or I’ll tell Sassy you were smooching on Sally two nights ago!”
“You have no proof that that was who I was….”
Kyle smirked, “Just sort of admitted it bro. I’m going down to that boutique as soon as I get out and we’ll see who was smooching who.”
After a few minutes Pike appeared dragging a large book behind him and set it on the cell’s tray. “Choke on it Kyle.”
“Thanks Pike I owe you one!” Kyle took the book and beckoned Boner over. They flipped through the book quietly as Party Favor watched. After a few minutes and conferring among themselves and after the word ‘overreach’ was stated several times, the griffon looked up, “Tell us exactly what they told you and don’t skip out on anything.”
