The Write Off

by kahndy

Rating: teen
Tags: Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer, Sex, Random, Discord, Slice of Life
Length: 2172

After Starlight remarks that Writing requires little to no talent, and that a monkey with half a brain could easily write the next best seller, Twilight is determined to prove her wrong.

After Starlight remarks that Writing requires little to no talent, and that a monkey with half a brain could easily write the next best seller, Twilight is determined to prove her wrong by challenging her to a writing contest.
(Again no sex actually happens in this story. Just putting that tag there to please the FIM Moderators.)

Published 2016-09-10 00:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-09-10 00:10:01 UTC

Chapter 1

Starlight Glimmer sat upright in her chair, or rather Fluttershy’s throne, with a bored expression plastered on her face. Outside the light pitter patter of rainfall could be heard pelting the castle walls, Starlight gave the window a quick glare, as though the weather had purposefully planned to keep her trapped inside today of all days when she had nothing to do inside the castle. Her friendship lesson with Twilight had ended hours ago, she had already read every single book in the castle twice, and Twilight hadn’t hired any handsome guards she could try to flirt with.

“CELESTIA DAMN IT I’M SO BOOOOORED!!!” Starlight screamed at no one in particular.

“Well then read a book or something!” Twilight suggested, who had just entered the throne room without Starlight noticing.

“I’ve already read every book in the castle at least twice!” Starlight informed her. “I could literally re-tell any book you ask me too blindfolded with my hooves tied behind my back.”

“Well then why not try writing a book then?” Twilight tried again, taking a seat on her own thrown and opening a copy of Harry Totter and the Half Blood Git.

“Write my own story?” Starlight repeated. “You mean like those Daring Doo fanfics Rainbow Dash is always writing?”

“Well I was thinking more along the lines of writing something more original really” Twilight said half exasperatedly. “In my opinion Fanfiction is just a lazy way of getting out of the hard work of writing original content, It’s getting to the point where there will soon be more lazy Fanfictions of stories then actually well crafted, well written stories ponies ACTUALLY worked hard on!”

Starlight rolled her eyes “Oh PAH-LEEZE Twilight, writing isn’t hard! Anypony with half a brain could write their own story if they wanted to!”

Twilight dropped her book which fell on the castle hard floor with a resounding thud. “WHAT DO YOU MEAN WRITING IS EASY?!!” she screamed, her right eye twitching as she angrily advanced toward Starlight, who was beginning to wonder if she had just made a huge mistake as she sank further into Fluttershy’s throne in fear. “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH WORK GOES INTO A STORY? CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT? WORLD BUILDING? TELLING DESCRIPTIONS? PLOT DEVELOPMENT?”
“Pffft, you just said plot!” Starlight giggled momentarily forgetting to be scared for her life.

“MY POINT IS…” Twilight interrupted Starlight, causing her to resume her attempts to melt into the throne for safety. “Not EVERYPONY can write a good story. Anypony can WRITE yes, but writing a good story worthy of publishing is a horse of an ENTIRELY different color.”

“But all your doing is inventing some characters, deciding what you want them to do and say, and then writing it down on paper. It’s no different than foals playing make believe!” Starlight tried again sitting up straight again to face Twilight with a look of disbelief. “Any trained monkey with a typewriter could do that in one day!”

Twilight was about to retort, but then a better idea invaded her thoughts as her disgruntled frown turned into a mischievous smile.” Okaaaaaaaaaaaaay Starlight. You say you’re bored and you think ANYPONY could write a best seller, why not put your money where your big mouth is.” Twilight pointed her hoof at Starlight “I HEREBY CHALLENGE YOU TO WRITE OFF!!!”

“Write off?” Starlight repeated tilting her head at Twilight confused “What’s that?”

Twilight gave her another mischievous smile and her horn lite up with velvet magic aurora. The next thing Starlight knew the two of them where in the castle library. Twilight lite up her horn a second time, and two giant stacks of paper, two pens, and two unopened inkwells appeared on the old wooden table in front of them. “It’s simple really, or at least it should be in YOUR uneducated opinion!” Twilight sat down at one side of the table, and gestured with her hoof for Starlight to join her at the other side. “We each write an original story, and the one of us who writes the best story within the 24-hour time period wins!”

“Ok, but who’s going to judge our stories?” Starlight asked taking her seat opposite Twilight.

“Spike will.”

“HEY THAT’S NOT FAIR, you know he would totally vote for you no matter HOW bad your story is!” Starlight accused angrily.

“Oh I don’t know, I may be his surrogate mother, but I’m pretty sure he totally has the hots for you!” Twilight stated smugly.

“What are you talking about, we are NOT in love with each other!” Starlight blushed.

“Oh yea? Then what about two days ago when I walked in on the two of you making out?” Twilight shot back.

“I already told you we weren’t making out, I was just helping him practice for a play!” Starlight’s entire face was now redder then Big Macintosh.

“Sure, sure whatever you say!” Twilight gave Starlight a knowing look.

“Look let’s just get this Write Off thing over with already!” Starlight demanded attempting to change the subject. “And how about we ask ALL of our friends to judge our stories so we get more than one opinion?”

“Fine then!” Twilight pushed some paper, and one of the pens and inkwells over to Starlight. “We each have to write one short original story, no fanfiction, and without referencing other books!” she pulled the remaining papers, pens, and inkwell toward herself “The loser has to post their story on the town notice board with their name signed on it!”

“You’re on!!” Starlight agreed, as the two mares began writing.

“So remind me again why where all here inside the castle on the first Sunny day Ponyville’s had in a week?” Applejack asked rather annoyed about being dragged back inside after only five minutes of being able to enjoy the warm sun, and feeling of soft grass beneath her hooves. “Somepony BETTER be dying!!”

“Starlight had the notion….”

Out of seemingly nowhere Discord and Spike showed up decked in sailor uniforms and broke into dance and song. “Toooooooooo rock the boat!” “Don’t rock the boat baby!!” “Rock the boat” “Don’t tip the boat over!!!” Which was immediately interrupted by Twilight who magically created a trapdoor which both dragon and dragonacous fell into after giving their best Wilhelm Scream impression. The sound of Alligator and Crocodile jaws snapping, followed by screams of terror could be heard as Twilight slammed the trap door shut and removed it from the castle.

“ANYWAY, as I was saying…” Twilight continued rolling her eyes as she returned to her seat “Starlight thinks that writing is foals play, so we decided to have a writing contest to see which of us is the better writer!”

“And we need you girls to look at our stories and tell us which one you think is better!” Starlight finished. Both mares beamed with excitement as they levitated their manuscripts over to mane five.

“……. That’s it!” Applejack asked growing more annoyed by the second. “You mean to tell me you dragged us all away from the first sunny day we’ve had all week to read some stupid stories?”

“YES!!!” Twilight and Starlight answered still grinning with excitement.

“That does it, ah’m out of here!” Applejack hopped off her throne and began walking toward the door. “Yall can sit here reading dumb fanfiction or whatever it is ya wrote till ya both turn bluer then Luna’s caboose, ah on the other hand have a life!” She had just about made it to the exit when Twilight teleported in front of her with a crazed look in her eye.
“Well if you want to keep LIVING said life I suggest you SIT BACK DOWN AND READING OUR BUCKING STORIES!!!”
“Whoa, whoa, no need to get violent now Sugarcube…” Applejack backed up nervously and tried figuring out a way past Twilight, only to end up finding herself teleported and chained back to her seat by Starlight.

“Anypony ELSE want to leave?” She asked giving the remaining four a threatening look.

“Nope, all good here!”

“I agree.”
“I’d LOVE to read your……. Whatever you wrote darlings!”

“Well……um…. Actually I kind of promised Angel Bunny I would pick some fresh carrots for him today and……” Fluttershys voice trailed off as Starlight and Twilight glared daggers at her. “Eeep, but if you want me to stay here I guess that’s fine to……”

“Perfect, here’s MY obviously better manuscript” Twilight handed out copies of her story to the girls.

“And when you are all done reading that pile of garbage, here is MY obviously much better story!” Starlight added handing hers over as well. The two magical mares waited with bated breath as their friends timidly read each of their stories. “Well? Go ahead and tell Twilight how MY story is much more superior!” Starlight said ones their friends had finished both their stories.

“No, no, tell Starlight here how MY story is way better written and thought out!”

“Well darling’s…. There each unique pieces of work for sure…”

“Yea, what Rarity said!”

“It’s TOTALLY twenty percent cooler than anything I would have wrote!”

“It’s…….um…. Nice?”

“I don’t know what yall are talking about, these both totally suck!!”

“WHAT?!!!” Starlight and Twilight erupted.

“Both these stories are nothing but Romance wannabe’s, and half the story is nothing but long winded descriptions of Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, and a still trapped in stone Discord having a three way!! What the ACTUAL BUCK is wrong with you two!!!”

“Wait, you came up with that idea too?” Twilight asked Starlight amazed.

“HONESTLY Twilight, EVERYONE has thought of that idea at some point since Season 2, most are just too embarrassed to admit it!” Starlight answered rolling her eyes.

“Ok, well anyway you’re just a background pony AJ so your opinion doesn’t count!” Twilight stuck up her snout in disgust.

“Actually she’s more like a background pony second class!” Starlight put in “Even SNAILS has gone through more character development in one episode then she has the entire series.”

“Come to think of it even Discord and Princess Luna have gotten more character development then Applejack!” Twilight added.

“The toilet paper I use to wipe my a(yay) probably has more character development then…”

“OK, OK, AH DO BELIEVE YALL HAVE MADE YOUR POINT!!” Applejack deadpanned.

“Anyway does any MAIN character here have any critics?” Twilight asked, glaring around the room daring the remaining four to raise a hoof.

“Nope, I’m good darling!”

“Nopey Dopey!”

“Um…. Well actually.”

Starlight and Twilight fixed Fluttershy with another angry glare that shut her up immediately.

“Don’t let them intimidate ya Fluttershy, tell em what ya really think!” The background pony demanded.
“well……I don’ know….”

“Oh COME ON Fluttershy, if you can learn to stand up to Discord you can stand up to these two!” Applejack shouted. “Let em have it!!!”

“well…. IF you insist…” Fluttershy took one giant breath, took to the air, and let the unsuspecting book mares have it “THAT WAS THE WORST STORY I EVER READ IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!! I COULDN’T HAVE POSSIBLY HATE IT ANY LESS EVEN IF I WAS ON TEN THOUSAND POUNDS OF LSD!!! I’VE READ BETTER STORIES ON THE BACK MY STOOL SOFTENER'S WHILE TAKING A SH(yay) ON APPLEJACK!!!

“Does nopony respect me around here?” Applejack asked.

Twilight and Starlight where each staring at Fluttershy with shocked eyes, mouth’s a gape,

“………Oh my!” Fluttershy returned to her usual composed self “I’m sorry……….I didn’t mean to react like that, it’s just I really don’t think both your stories are any good and…..”

“Since dear Fluttershy is speaking, I may as well voice my disinterest in your rather raunchy and provocative attempt at a Romance Novel.” Rarity added.

“Yea, it really needs to be WAY over twenty percent cooler!”

“Well I thought it made excellent toilet paper!” Pinkie Pie butt in, returning from to the throne room and plopping herself back in her seat. “Even though the story was kind of crappy.”

“Soooo, you didn’t like ANY of our stories?” Starlight asked dejectedly.

“Not one?” Twilight added.

The main four plus Applejack shook their heads.

“But wait, which one did you like the least?” Starlight added, a glimmer of hope appearing on her face.

“Well I guess Twilight’s was the worst because...” Rarity began.

“AH HA!! IN YOUR FACE PRINCESS!!!” Starlight shouted with glee “I win, I wrote a better story then you ever could have dreamed of writing!! I WIN, I WIN , I WIIIIIIIIIIIIIINN!!!!” Starlight began jumping for joy around Twilight.

“Yes, but it still sucked major a(yay)!!” Applejack pointed out, stopping Starlight’s charade in her tracks.

“Well what do YOU lot know about good writing?” Twilight shot back. “Maybe we should try giving these to somepony else who actually knows what their talking about, and will actually APPRECIATE my Literary superiority and genius!”

“Great idea, that’s why I already had Spike send copies of them to Princess Celestia five minutes ago!” Pinkie chimed in gleefully.

Twilight and Starlight’s heart skipped a beat. “You did WHAT??”