The Most Annoying Villain Ever!

by Jay David

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Main 6, Comedy, Other
Length: 1639

Twilight and her friends come across a really, REALLY annoying villain

When it comes to villains, Twilight and her friends have come across many kinds. Some have been driven by greed, others by randomness, others by some personal cause. But today? They shall face a villain with motives far more insidious than any ever seen before.

A villain...who seeks to annoy them!

Published 2016-09-18 16:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-09-18 16:00:02 UTC

The Most Annoying Villain Ever!

The afternoon was as calm and peaceful as one could hope for when spending the day amongst friends, and so it was with Twilight and her closest companions. Sitting together around the cutie map, they all wore happy smiles as they carefully sipped their tea, allowing the tranquillity of the moment to wash over them. When it was all done, Twilight let out a contented sigh, setting down her cup upon the table before finally breaking the silence between them.

"So...I hear the economy's doing well."

Her words were rather rudely interrupted when the doors of the palace were made to burst open unceremoniously, causing all of the mares to leap out of their seats in surprise. Before them now stood a stallion of no specific description, trotting in like he owned the place, complete with an arrogant smirk. Naturally, Twilight was rather irritated at this unwelcome visitor, and stepped forward with her wings flared out in an aggressive posture.

"What's the meaning of this?!"

The stallion chuckled.

"Behold, Princess! You now gaze upon the face of your most indomitable adversary yet! For I..."

He placed his hoof upon his chest, puffing it out in a display of bravado as he finished his sentence.

"...am Lord...Guy!"

A silence fell, during which many of the mares now snickered amongst themselves, Twilight included.

"Um...Guy?"

The stallion sighed.

"I'm not good at names, okay?!"

He frowned.

"But that does not matter! I am here to let you know that no villain you have yet faced will compare to the horrors that I will unleash upon you!"

Twilight raised her eyebrow.

"...Were you bored today? Is that what this is about?"

Lord Guy ignored her.

"Mock me if you will! But soon...very soon...you and your friends will feel the sting of my actions! You will never know peace for as long as I'm here! Fear me!"

He cackled as he began to back away out of the palace, and as the mares all watched him, his laughter began to fade into the background, until there was nothing but quiet once more. Many of the mares blinked, not quite accepting what had just happened, and Fluttershy walked up to her alicorn friend to ask what was undoubtedly on all of their minds right now.

"Um...should we be worried about him?"

Twilight snorted.

"I doubt it. Let's just put him out of our minds, girls. I guarantee this is the last we'll be hearing of this...villain."

The knocking upon her window caused Twilight to bolt upright, her head snapping in the direction of her clock. It was clear, even in this poor lighting, that it was only three in the morning, which inevitably led to her letting out a groan. But her attention then turned instead to the knocking once more, as she squinted her eyes through the gloom to see a familiar face tapping at her window.

"Ha ha! You won't get a peaceful night so long as I'm here, Princess!"

And with that, Guy was gone, leaping from the balcony and, presumably, walking away with a great deal of pain after having landed on the very far-away ground. Twilight grumbled, then laid her head back upon her pillow, using her magic to take another pillow and cover her face with it.

Rainbow stared in dismay at the jar she now had in her hooves. What had once been a glass container filled to the brim with delicious jam, now had just the barest scraps of the stuff lurking at the bottom of it. As her ears drooped at this, she heard a loud cackling behind her, and turned to see Guy, gloating just a few steps away.

"Ha ha! I've taken all of your delicious jam! Except for that little bit at the bottom which requires you to use and extra-long spoon that you don't even have! Fear me!"

He leapt away, darting into a nearby alleyway, and leaving a bitter-looking cyan pegasus behind him.

Rarity let out a scoff as she gazed upon the sight before her. Her tools and fabrics were all here, she knew that, but it was proving harder than norming to actually locate them. Reds were in boxes on the opposite side of the room to where they normally were, spools of thread were one shelf higher, and most irritating of all, her design sheets had been placed back into the draw meant for blank paper that was to become designs sheets. As she lamented, she turned as a certain stallion poked his head through her window.

"Ha ha! All your precious items have been re-arranged! They haven't been stolen, but they've been placed in places that make it difficult but not impossible for you to find! Behold as I've completely thrown off your routine!"

He ducked out of the window, as Rarity just stared at the space where he once was, before looking back to her materials and letting out and angry snort.

Applejack stared, mouth gaping open, for before her lay a newly-planted tree, right alongside all of the other trees she and her family had set there. But this one was different, she knew, for the leaves and colouring were all wrong, at least to her. She stepped forward, leaning her head closer to the thing and taking a sniff. Her eyes snapped open, and she gained an angry expression, for she now knew what had been done here. She knew, in her heart, what had been put here in the middle of all of her beloved apple trees. And it was a fear soon confirmed when Guy himself now popped out from behind one of the nearby adult trees.

"Ha ha! Yes, Applejack! I have planted a pear tree amongst your precious apples! Your pristine all-apple orchard is now ruined! Mwahaha!"

He galloped off, leaving a fuming Applejack to whip off her hat and throw it down to the ground in frustration, as she stared daggers at the unwelcome sapling in her orchard.

Pinkie tapped her chin, lost in thought, as she stared intently at the row of pre-inflated balloons before her. There was something wrong here, she knew that just from looking, but she couldn't quite put her hoof on what it was exactly. Then, in the end, realisation struck her, and she gasped out loud as she brought her face right up to those balloons. She scoured them, analysing them, hoping it wasn't true, but in her heart, she knew it was. And as she turned, she saw Guy, standing triumphantly in the doorway of Sugar Cube Corner.

"Ha ha! The pink balloons have all been replaced with balloons of other colours! Weep as your favourite coloured balloons will be gone from you for the whole day!"

He leapt away in that overly-dramatic fashion of his, with Pinkie turning to her ill-coloured balloons and falling to her knees.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Fluttershy emerged from her cottage, smiling as she looked upon the bright sunny day that greeted her. But her smile faded when she realised that many of her animals were now roaming loose in the garden, rather than in their usual pens and enclosures. As she galloped forward to try and round them up, she stopped when she heard the distinct laughter of Lord Guy, prompting her to turn and see him standing just beside her home.

"Ha ha! Your animals now roam free! Granted, you'll probably be able to get them all together again, given how good you are with animals. But even so, it'll take you almost a full few minutes to do it!"

He spun around, running off before the animal carer could really reply to that statement. As she turned back to her chickens and other animals, she sighed, before getting back to the mildly-inconvenient task of gathering them back together.

"Lord Guy, we need to talk."

The stallion turned, and saw, to his dismay, that the mares had all gathered before him as he walked down the main street of Ponyville. He stood his grounds, looking like he was ready for a fight, and glared at them angrily.

"Ah! You've finally snapped, eh? Come to finish me off once and for all?"

Twilight shook her head.

"No. It's just...you're not very good at this."

Guy stopped.

"Um...pardon?"

Applejack nodded, taking her place beside Twilight.

"It's true. Y'all ain't that good at, ya know...bein villainy."

Then Rarity added her voice to things.

"Indeed, darling. You're really more of an...inconvenience more than anything else."

Rainbow nodded.

"Seriously, dude. Just give it up."

Guy stared at them all, seeing the honesty in their faces, and his ears dropped down as he let out a long sigh.

"Well...I guess I haven no choice then."

He looked back up to them.

"...I'll have to sing...the annoying song."

The mares gasped.

"No! You...you can't mean it!" Fluttershy exclaimed.

Guy nodded.

"You leave me no choice! It's time for the song that gets in your head and forces you to hum and-or think about it all the time! The song everypony knows is bad but is so catchy that you have no choice but to remember it until the end of your days!"

He paused.

"I must sing...[insert annoying song here]! Remember how much we were all banging our heads against the wall to get [insert annoying song here] out of us last time? Well prepare to experience that all over again!"

The mares stared at him in shocked silence, until, at last, Twilight flared out her wings, snorting angrily.

"GET HIM!!!"

As the six of them charged forward in a bloodlust, Guy looked on with pride.

"There we go! That's the reaction I was hoping for!"

Then his situation actually sank in for him.

"Oh...wait...this is a bad thing, isn't it?"