After the Bureaus

by Pencil Sketch

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, DJ P0N-3, Alternate Universe, Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Octavia, Random
Length: 7627

A Conversion Bureau story set after the fact

((I guess I should be noting that this was written in such a way as to be read aloud in a sort of radio-play-esque fashion. Each first-person chapter is meant to be silly, and read in a voice you think is appropriate. Have fun.))

Purification of Earth has come and gone, and now many of the world's converted inhabitants move out to recolonize their homes.

Pencil Sketch, formally a Kenneth Baxter, looks at his new life and what he had learned from his life as a human, and how he can use those lessons to his advantage.

Old friends and new dot his adventure, and every moment is never dull.

Published 2011-12-03 06:48:25 UTC
Last updated 2012-01-15 06:10:03 UTC

Ropes, and the learning of them

Okay, I'm back. Took me a little longer than I expected, but I got all I needed. Now I only have something like ten bits left. Ya, magic stuff can really take your wallet down a few notches, and a couple posters of what I was persuaded into thinking were some major celebrities don't come cheap. Funny how I recognized a couple posters of Vinyl Scratch, Soarin, and Spitfire. Had to get my hooves on those for the sake of them. But really, who the hell are the Wonderbolts, Octavia, or Photo Finish?

Besides that, Canterlot's pretty big. I got lost on a few streets, but it's pretty easy getting back. Just head towards the big ol' castle, and right next to it's the school.

So this magic thing I got is called a Font. It's supposed to help with channeling spells, but I think I just got ripped out of a lot of bits. Sure, it's pretty, lined with fancy brass and silver, I think, but it's not doing much now that I'm focusing all I got on it. Nope, nothing. I knew I got cheated. Should have went for those suspicious-looking spellbooks.

Meh, doesn't matter now. Just means that I gotta find a job sooner than I expected. I'll visit the office tomorrow and ask if they need odd-jobs done, or something.

Well, already it's pretty late. I should hop into bed now and get the first full sleep in two weeks. Hey, no spring in the neck, sweet!

-=-=-

"ATTENTION STUDENTS, TIME TO WAKE UP AND GET READY FOR CLASS" Oh f*beep*, do I HATE mornings...

Well, at least they give an hour to crawl out of bed before breakfast is served. That's generous. Though I'm sure most fillies and colts are using that time to clean up, get things together, and be first in line for food. I'm pretty clean already. Passing through a big, magical barrier that disintegrates otherworldly material, like dirt, does that. Looks like it's the front of the food line for me!

-=-=-

Mmmm... Pancakes with real maple syrup... Haven't had a breakfast like this in ages! My dad used to make it just like this back home. He'd also make this really great French toast, waffles, grilled cheese, all the good stuff to just spoil my sister and I. Those were the good, old days, days that are far behind me now.

Bleh, there I go, making myself sad while enjoying a great breakfast. Can't bother with the past, that's over now.

At least I got the hang of levitating slightly larger things than a pencil, like a tray of food. It's tiring work though. So much concentration and so many more things to break it. Think fast, where should I sit? Don't want to sit with little foals with their incessant questions, so I guess the more logical choice would be...

"Excuse me, but, I don't think I've seen you before. Are you Nora's substitute?" Hehe, ya, right, let's go with that... or not.

"No, I'm Kenneth Baxter. I'm a newfoal."

"Oh, you're the one the Princess invited to attend?" Hooray, ponies that I suppose are in my age group are paying attention to me! Please ask questions that actually have thought behind them.

"Ya."

"Aren't you a little old to be a student here?"

"That's what I was thinking when I was thrown into the first year class."

"Did you not have any education prior to coming here?"

"Twelve years through the system, miss..."

"Brownie. I teach magic to the third years and so on."

"Nice to meet you Miss Brownie. I think learning magic is the only thing I have for me here. That, and maybe language arts."

"Then I hope you fair well in your studies then."

"Snow Prance, seven o'clock!" Thanks for the heads up, loud-whispering pony.

"Hmm? I don't recall any substitutes reporting in for the day?" Well, probably because I'm not a substitute?

"He's one of the students, Magistrix Prance."

"Hmph, oh, yes, I recall this one. Why is a student sitting at the staff table?" Geez, at least remember my name.

"Because the other tables are a tad too small for me to eat comfortably, and I was meaning to ask you a question."

"It will have to wait for the lunch hour. I've got papers in my office to attend to at the moment." And she walks off, just like that, not even giving me a chance to really say anything. Bah, lunch then. I'll get her.

"Is the always so..." Oh, what's the word I'm looking for?

"Impatient?" Thanks you, that works just fine. Just nod your head and levitate that scrap of pancake into your mouth. Gah! Too far! "Don't mind her. She's not one for change. When I first started working here, she gave me the same treatment."

Well, that's a relief. Now I just hope she can get over a young stallion running about her school. "Thanks for the information... Can I ask you a question?"

"By all means."

"Got any Equestrian-English dictionaries laying around?"

-=-=-

So there's no such thing as an Equestrian to English dictionary. Oh well. Guess I gotta learn languages the old fashion way. By learning every cuss and swear under Celestia's sun. I did that while learning a little German.

Now it's time to struggle through magic class.

Different teacher this time than Miss Remedy, as we can clearly see walking in. I recognized her sitting at the breakfast table earlier, so she should at least know of me.

Different set up here, instead of being forcing into the back of the classroom, the desks are set in a circle. Hey, looks like that font thing I got yesterday in the middle there. Maybe now I can figure out how to actually use the damned thing.

"Alright class, settle down now." Uh, teacher, no one was saying anything.

"Today's lesson is suspended magic and minor enchantments. Can anyone tell me what this object is? Anyone?" No one raising their hoof? Typical school kids.

"It's called a Thaumaturge Well." beschmutzen Sie riechend Ratte... Looks like Moondust's the class pet.

"Very good, Moondust. It can also be called a Scholomantic Font, or training cup. It's used by unicorns starting their training in magic. Let me give an example of what it can do."

First grade, and I'm already out of my league. There was no way at all I'd be able to have known that, even if I was born as a unicorn. Better be quiet now, teacher's doing something...

Mmhmm... Focus magic, alright... Have wavy ball of light in the font, okay... Now what?

"Umm, excuse me, but could you explain what you just did?" Like, really, I'm one of those hooves-on learners.

"It's fairly easy, Baxter. All you have to do is focus on the space inside the cup, imagine what you would want something to do, then all that magic wells up into whatever you put into it. Let's say, this textbook. Let's make it levitate."

Okay, now I see what it does. Hehe, wow, that would take a lot of stress trying to make things levitate around. It's like reverse magnetism or something.

-=-=-

Let's skip forward past phys-ed and history and explain what happens at lunch, then we can skip some more and do a little homework.

Ya, Snow Prance seems a little tiffed, but at least she remembered my name. That's a start. We got talking about possible employment, how I could make some bits to pay for anything I would need, yadda yadda yadda. Then the topic of a night-watchman recently retiring comes up, and I jump on that.

So, in the end, you're looking at Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorn's new nighttime security. I kinda regret it already, as it means very late nights for me. I used to work late nights at jobs when I was human, and that would always mess with my college schedule. It means I'll have to power-nap whenever I get a chance in class. Bah, that's what math's for.

First shift's tonight, so I gotta finish a few things first.

Like trying to figure this font thing out.

Just gotta focus real hard. Imagine the effect I want, levitation. Think of something levitating in the font... F*beeeeeeeep*, getting a wicked headache... Oh hey, there we go! Yikes, I'm dizzy. I think I should sit down for the rest of this. Okay, next part, what do I want to enchant? Let's see what I have.

Floating posters would just be silly, I'm going to be needing books that don't float, and all I have that's small enough to fit are a few bits. Bleh, then let's sacrifice a single, lonely bit. There it goes, into the cup-thing, absorbing all that magic, and it actually looks pretty cool.

Now the thing doesn't look like such a huge waste of money now, does it? The magic teacher, whose name I never committed to memory, even said that it could be used to store magic to ease off the lightheaded feeling after larger spells, so that's also pretty nifty.

Now, if you excuse me, I have to go to the office and get me schedule for work. I'll talk to you all later.

Fun Hast Been Doubled

"Get out of the castle for a little while and make some friends. I'll look after everything while you're out."

That's what Celestia had said to her younger sister, Luna, several months after her freedom from the corruption of Nightmare Moon, though the regent of the sun expected her to go out during the day, while a great percentage of her subjects were awake.

The moon princess was more of a night pony, and, as such, moved about during the night, watching her ivory plate in the deep-indigo sky move with slow grace among the stars. There were no subjects to be found on the streets of Canterlot at this time, and any nearby townships only had a small group of stargazers that she was already familiar with after holiday events such as Nightmare Night.

It was boring and lonely, but it was all brought on herself. Each day at the castle, she would confine herself to the royal library. Every night, she would take more control over her darkened skies. It was predictable, and she loathed each moment of it.

There was nothing to break away from the norm. Nothing that rocked the balance of predictability. Well, nothing until a very recent event.

They began to show up. Ponies that acted unlike ponies should. It was the greatest curiosity to the dark princess. They though differently. They were defeatist turned enlightened, to a degree, though she examined them to have next to no reverence of her crown, or that of her sister's.

She would watch them from the clouds that hung in the dark of night. These individuals elected to stay up past the night, yet it was not to worship her hard work of painting the sky. Instead, they worked. They worked on building their homes. They worked on starting their gardens. They worked on a whole manner of things that was necessary in building whole communities.

Villages began dotting her nation, taking not of each and every one. Much to her amusement when two villages were built a mere creak apart, to be named the Sister Towns, Celest River, and Lunasdale. Quite amusing indeed, though hardly any of the inhabitants even recognized the living goddess when she walked through on an inspection.

It was not the best way to make friends when you stuck out above others with a presence that demanded respect and admiration. Often, she was forced to leave the quizzical glares of the unwitting subjects and hold herself up in her library to study about the odd affliction among them.

They did not exhibit signs of dementia, and mass brain damage was an absurd idea. Nay, she discovered their condition by the word of her sister over the dusk-time meal.

Newfoals, as the goddess of the sun would call them. Why had the moon goddess not have heard of them? Of course she was either resting through the day, oblivious to the world while the other monarch kept vigil, or secluded within her fortress of ancient paper and history. Alas, there were no books about these questionable ponies, only news articles or immigration papers.

One of them stood by her sister's side, always talking about the welfare of his "people". He seemed to have designated himself as a sort of leader of these newfoals. Initially, she had thought it arrogant, though a quick explanation that, to them, a Prime Minister was second in a political tier system as a representative, with a monarchy at the helm. It made a little sense, considering that the Equestrian kingdom had grown at an exponential rate, government would certainly have to change to fit the times.

The entire talk of politics was actually rather boring. Having been uninvolved for such a long time, she had become disconnected with the current senate and their radical ideas to make living conditions better for everyone and still make a profit. With nothing holding her back on nights aside from her celestial schedule, she took up the habit of aimless wandering through the capital, learning how much her home had changed in the past thousand or so years.

Tonight, she chose to pay a visit to Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns.

Memories of Canterlot's founding ran through her mind by just a gaze at the exquisite exterior of the establishment, back in the days when the first brick was laid, and much of the kingdom's leadership was still based at the Temple of the Pony Sisters, which was also her base of operations when Nightmare Moon tried to usurp her sister's position as primary ruler. A shudder shook those dark memories away for the time.

No door was ever locked to the dark princess. At a whim, her body took the gaseous form that made of her mane, slipping under the cracks of the doors and reanimating on the other side. It was tribute to the hallowed halls of learning, to exhibit magic that only a pony of great power can. She would look to the papers that lined the halls. Posters advertising bake sales, book sales, and general news of the school.

She took particular pleasure in viewing over the work of students. There was so much dedication to their studies, so much potential to be the next Starswirl the Bearded or Marelin the Great.

Though first years always had their little prodigies that surely amused. Every year supposedly had one student that excelled above the rest, but this one was just absurd in some topics.

Their math was flawless, their grasp of written form was grammatically perfect aside from the odd, strange typo. And their art... Impossible for a foal. There was no way this "Ken Neth" could have done all this by themselves. The way the pencil lines flowed deliberately towards the focus of the image showed signs of prior training. The shading made the alien creature seem almost alive and breathing on the page. They probably took the work of their parent and passed it off as their own.

"Excuse me, miss, you aren't supposed to be here," Called a voice from further down the hall. A turn of the princess' head showed her witness to be a young stallion with a slate-gray coat and a long, wind-blown mane held together with an elastic band, "I'm afraid I'm going to ask you to leave."

Luna eyed the unicorn for a moment, with mixed feelings of sincere apologies and righteous disapproval. "ONE DOST NOT SIMPLY TELL ROYALTY TO LEAVE A PLACE THAT THEY PART OWN," the princess bellowed in her Royal Canterlot Voice, "THOU WOULD BE FOALISH TO MAKE SUCH A DEMAND OF US."

His expression remained blank, sans a quirked eyebrow. "I don't know who you are, but I think I'm only supposed to be taking royal orders from the princess, miss."

"THOU DOST NOT KNOW OF US? WE ARE THE PRINCESS OF THE NIGHT, SISTER OF THE DAY. WE ARE PRINCESS LUNA."

The stallion tilted his head now in obvious confusion. It was certain that this individual was one of those newfoals that had spread throughout the land, and had taken up employment as security for the school.

She let out a defeated sigh, lowering the pitch of her voice. Newfoals, nor any modern pony for that matter, appreciated being greeted in the traditional, royal fashion. "We are Princess Luna, one of two rulers of Equestria."

This seemed to have a far greater reception. "Oh! I'm very sorry princess!" He apologized in a sincere a manner as he could muster, "I'm not all that familiar with Equestria, I'm a newfoal from the human world."

"We could have guessed..."

"I'm very sorry for the mistake, your Majesty. I'm Kenneth Baxter."

"It is a... pleasure, to meet ye, Kenneth Baxter."

"You were looking at student work?"

The princess straightened her posture into a proud pose. "Yes. We doth enjoy seeing the progress of the younger generations. It lightens Our heart to see open, intellectual minds grow to be prestige leaders and scholars."

"Ah, then you may want to ignore mine right here," The stallion raised his hoof to the image of the alien creature, "I'm not exactly part of the younger generation, you're Highness."

Luna gave a vexed stare at the young stallion. "Art thy trying to bid a jest?" She asked, adding a little scoff of amusement.

"No, that's mine. I'm a student here, Princess."

"May We ask how? My understanding is that this is a place for foals."

"Princess Celestia had me accepted."

The Princess sighed, surrendering at the mere mention of her sister. "Thou seems such as what Our sister would do. She had always a mind for charity."

"I think that's exactly the situation. I got a letter from her after my conversion saying that I had an aptitude for magic. I'm still learning though, and I can only levitate things."

"Levitation may be novice, though it is a staple. We use it for many things... And what, pray tell, do thou speak of on 'conversion'?" The princess squinting, resuming her ever-questioning gaze towards the stallion.

"Um... To put it simply, I was a human," He starts, pointing with his hoof to the drawing he had done earlier in the day, "And I got turned into a pony."

"Why would thou forsake thine heritage to adopt another?"

"I guess, because... It was either change or die. Humans can't live in Equestria for some reason."

"And what of thy kin? Were thine forced into being such as thou?"

"I think there are a few still left, your Highness. Some humans want to live out what's left before their choice is made a little more clear. Others just want to keep the race going, no matter what."

The Moon Goddess shook her head. She understood fully as to why a species would bite at the face of inevitable extinction. She read reports. Humans had lost their capabilities for magic ages before Kenneth's time, and it was not something that could be adopted again quickly. Magic had to be introduced slowly, it seemed, and the sudden, strong exposure to it had necrotic effects. From one report, she had come to the conclusion that magic was unavailable to humans around their "Dark Age". How foreboding a name.

"Would thy like to tell Us more of the humans? We have only read short notes on the topic..."

-=-=-

Time flew by with little notice. To Kenneth, night was just a period of darkness. To Princess Luna, it was the only time available to rule her country.

"Thou kind seem to be beings of marvelous intellect. We must certainly speak of this again another night."

"Past your sleeping schedule, your Majesty?" The newfoal said, finding something witty in his comment, which was blown over completely by the monarch.

"We must return to Our solarium to put Our moon to rest for the day, as Our sister must rise to wake her sun. Thou must be quite tired, though, are We not mistaken?"

The sudden realization of having stayed up a fun night donned on him like a door to the face. A long yawn broke away from his lungs, forcing his eyes shut for a brief moment. And when his eyes opened, he found himself standing by the "wall of fame" by his classroom.

"Hey, bub, you alright there?" Called Rusty, the next night watchman to take his shift. "It's time for you to go get some rest. You got class in the morning."

"Ya... Thanks Rusty. Good night."

"I hope Luna didn't give you too much trouble now."

"What? Oh... no. It was all good."

-=-=-
Author note: I hate Ye Ol' English... It makes me sad that I had to use it.

Trippin' the Feild

Three months into the school year seemed a fair time to do a field trip, so Remedy thought. The students were settled into their daily schedules, and the newest addition seemed to be picking up on basics. It was not the first time a newfoal had been accepted into her classes, but this one was the first of the year.

They were, more or less, the same. Some had held onto lessons from the bureaus a little better, but all came up clueless when they had quizzes and tests put in front of them for the first few months.

She always had this tradition for the first-year students when it came to field trips. They would first do a short lesson on musical instruments, and how one could use magic to play them far easier than they could with their hooves. After every foal had absorbed the lecture, they would attend the Canterlot Concert Hall.

It was always easy to organize, and having a newfoal, somepony that could be classified as an adult, made keeping all the little ones in line a whole lot easier.

They were going to watch a small recital, and then meet some of the performers to learn about their part in the production. They would be able to sit in the balcony and get an amazing view, and after the show, they could go backstage and explore. Most teachers at the school wouldn't be able to set something up like this, but she had her connections.

The staff of the hall knew her quite well from her frequent visits and school trips, so it wasn't odd to see her being followed by anywhere from fifteen to twenty foals and one or two other chaperones. Just hand the nice mares at the door a small pile of tickets to cover the group, buy a snack and drink to keep your appetite sated, then find your seat.

The lights dimmed, and Remedy hushed her students, whom got the message quickly that when the lights go down, so does your voice.

The high note of a lone violin started the show, followed soon by two more violinists, then many more instruments came in in time. The music that was played started slow and sombre, but grew in pace a fair margin.

A cello could be heard rising over a brief pause to continue, catching some preemptive applauders off guard, before raising the hall into a crash of sounds.

And that was that. The music only lasted a fair half-hour before the curtains fell upon the stage. The young foals walked from their balcony quite happy and entertained, so that would chalk up another point to Remedy's teaching record.

"Alright, children. Now we have to be on our very best behaviors," The teacher would start, having each and every one of her students hush on queue, "Good. We're going to be meeting with a very special friend of mine, and I want you to thank her for putting on a wonderful concert for us."

"Yes, Ms. Remedy," The foals said in unison, added with one stallion that kept his distance of a half-meter from his peers.

She would lead them to the backstage as planned, the doorman knowingly opening the door for her party. The students were greeted by the sights and sounds of many performers going about, practicing, preparing for the next set, clamoring and conversing.

"Ah, Remedy, my friend. Another field trip with your first year class?" Announced a gray pony with a black mane and a bow-tie.

"Everypony, this is my friend, Octavia. She's the one that allowed us to come back here. Say thank you."

"Thank you, Octavia," The foals said in choir.

The musician giggled lightly and waved a hoof. She cleared her throat with a cough before speaking. "Good evening, fillys and colts. Did you like the performance?" She was met with a wave of praise that made her pale coat blush just a fraction, "You are all going to get a special look behind the scenes as to what we have to do at the Canterlot Concert Hall.

It was good to see young foals pay such close attention to their elders, and it always made Remedy smile just a little brighter. Morning Meadow seemed to be a lot more attentive. Twister was not running off with Eclipse to play in an unsupervised area. Kenneth was a little more skittish than usual and was wearing his mane in a ponytail. Curious, as she had often seen him with his mane down.

A sudden pressure and weight fell upon the educator, wrapping itself around her neck and pressing against her upper back. A fit of laughter filled her ear, and the force left her body.

"Long time, no see, Rem'!"

Octavia could be heard giggling away before she regained her composure. "Oh, Remedy, I forgot to tell you that, Vinyl came back from her work at the Bureaus in the human world."

She could see that quite clearly at the electric-blue-maned mare took a step back with a wicked grin on her face. It really has been too long since this unicorn was seen in Equestria. "Had enough with those humans after a good year of actual work?" She said as she smiled and grabbed the DJ in a hug.

"Ya, but I'm back in a week or two. Depends when they give me a call. You won't imagine the amount of albums I got my hooves on though. Human's make some pretty good tunes." Vinyl smiled brightly, near giddy with the thought of listening to more of the new music.

-=-=-

The conversation continued on for some time, broken only for when Remedy would periodically check up on her students, still under the watchful eyes of the chaperones. It was a sigh of relief to know that they were so absorbed in learning from someone outside the school's walls.

"Back on topic, how are you both for a get-together at the market tomorrow?" Octavia started back on after Remedy would return.

"I'm all for it. I've been needing an excuse to hang out with some old friends," Vinyl Scratch said, bringing the other two mares close to her in a tight hug, her hooves wrapping around their necks. "Then maybe Remedy here would tell me how she managed to get her hooves on ol' Kenny? I never would have taken you to fall for another species. Ponies would talk!"

The teacher pulled herself away with her mouth agap, shocked with the odd accusation. "What do you mean? He's not some beast from the forests, and besides, he's a student that I must take with pro-"

"Settle down, Rem'. Didn't mean to get your tail in a knot. I know him from back at the bureau. Shared a room and took his music." Vinyl interrupted with a hearty laugh.

"Ah, a newfoal. You don't often hear about those sorts being in Canterlot." The cellist would add, "I expected them to look different from what I heard about their world."

"Yes, I wasn't expecting full-grown unicorns attending my classes. But you have to give the Princess credit, foals are a much better judge of character than I could ever be. The students just adore having Kenneth around."

"Take my word for it, they were different before they came here. From what I've seen, they're all good in the end, if not, sleepy."

The cellist and the teacher had to share a slight giggle.

"Oh, I feel tired whenever you're around," Remedy would calm her fit, "It takes a lot of effort to keep up with you!"

The disc jockey let out a huff of mock annoyance, lowering her gaze to sneer at her two friends from over her purple shades. "Well, if you two lightweights are finished trying to remember that night where you partied yourself to sleep while I kept going, I'm gonna go say 'hi' to my buddy, Kenny, alright?"

-=-=-
Author's note: I really need to find a work-process that is NOT counter-productive. Buggering off to play Borderlands is not productive in the least... Anyways, sorry for bull**** chapter. Had an idea to reintroduce older characters while explaining a few things. Didn't go too great in my opinion.

What I learned in school today...

Two hours, seventeen minutes. Two hours, eighteen minutes. Damn, I just wanted all the time to stop so I can just enjoy these moments forever. But, alas, Time is the master, and all are his subjects. There's no way in this new world that he would give me a little more to spend with my family.

Damn, how I missed them! Mum, dad, sis, it was like Christmas all over again! Dad looked healthier compared to what he used to be. Mum was about twenty percent more energized. And Amanda, excuse me, Cherry, had a faint smell of fresh cookies. Simply intoxicating!

Now, I sit by myself in a carriage, pulled by two armoured stallions bound for the land's capital, Canterlot, just me and my thoughts. I'm getting really anxious. It's been such a long time since I went to school for anything, and I find that I just so happen to get accepted into one of the most prestige in all the land on charity. Alright, I'll go with it. It's not like they're going to take me out into a back alleyway and harvest my kidneys, are they?

Boy, we've been going for some time now, haven't we? Like, hours. If I wasn't so wound up, I'd just sleep back here on these nice, comfy cushions.

Let's see where we are now, shall we. Wow... Get a look at that. Canterlot's, like, right there. I mean, not even a kilometer away. Okay, we're going through the gates now and, wow, amazing!

I remember having a very vague dream about this, like a premonition. Swirling spires that scraped the clouds, decorated with celestial symbols and royal banners. It was all rather pretty, I got to say. I don't mind it one bit.

The townsfolk seem well enough, scurrying about their daily chores, talking to their neighbours. They all seemed so happy. Back home, before the bureaus started popping up, I'd never see my neighbours doing such a thing like making small-talk.

I love this place already! I can just feel the sun through the windows of the carriage warming me under my fur. It's a great welcome to my new home.

Oh dear, that begs the question. Where in Equestria am I going to stay? Am I going to live in some boarding room sort of deal? I'm I going to live with some local family that will teach me their trade and have them sort of adopt me to a degree? Do I have to run around somewhere with the meager amount of bits that every other newfoal gets?

Actually, I wonder what the exchange rate is on Bits compared to Canadian currency. Don't want to accidentally spend it all on one place and end up having to live in a box.

Oh, here we are. Passing by some very nice, gold, gilded gates and into a garden with marble pathways leading up to a wondrous establishment. So, this was Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns? Fancy. I'd never be able to get into a place like this back home, charity or not.

The other students must all be in the middle of classes right now, so that would explain why nopony's out and around. Shame that nopony at all saw me walk out a golden carriage pulled by two guards, or I would have been the cool kid of the week.

Well, there was one pony...

A light-blue unicorn mare that seemed like she'd been waiting ages for me. Literally. Probably the first pony around I've seen with so many wrinkles.

"Are you Kenneth Baxter?" She says. I couldn't help but notice the unamused drone in her voice, like I'm somewhat unwanted.

"That's me," First impressions, Ken, make it a good one. Stick out your front hoof like you want to shake. That's normal, you've seen ponies do that. Okay, don't take it, you old coot...

"I am the magistrate of this institution for the gifted, Snow Prance. I had been given word from Her Highness that you are to be enrolled forthwith."

"Um, ya. I even got the letter right here, hey!" That's not fair, you shouldn't just grab things with magic when I'm trying to hold it in my teeth.

"That affirms whom you are. Now we are setting you up with a class where the administration had felt you would fit in best. If you exceed expectations for a, ugh, newfoal, we will see about making better arrangements. Seek me out at my office after classes and then we'll see to your quarters."

Alright, so I guess I do get the boarding room deal, not bad. What, so now we just walk on inside and head to class, just like that? Not even going to answer my questions?

Oh, wow. And I thought the outside was amazing. The inside's just breathtaking. The ceiling's so high and the halls are really wide. I could stretch my arms out four times and still not touch one side of the hall to the other, by human standards!

Kinda felt like we walked quite a ways, like the halls never ended. Down a hall, up some stairs, down another hall, down a short flight of stairs, repeat. If this was how ponies hazed newcomers, they made me envy the old days of middle school... or not, because middle school sucked regardless.

"You will attend this class until three-thirty in the afternoon, then make your way to the front of the school, where my office is located."

"Okay, Madam Prance," Please take the fancy talk well, please think I'm civilized, "Thanks, and have a nice day."

What? Not going to say that I'm welcome? Just gonna turn your nose up at me? Fine, be that way, you frigid... Oh, hey, foals... Oh... hey... foals...

Foals... I mean, young, little, foals.... This is a joke right? I mean, I, supposedly a full-grown individual, can not be expected to sit in a class where my peers are probably a quarter of my age. Oh god, err, Celestia, they're staring at me. They're stealing my soul! Make it stop, make it stop!

"Are you the new student I was expecting?" Oh thank heavens for someone that was about the same age as me...

"I, I guess so. I'm Kenneth Baxter, from the human world."

"Oh, so I was expecting you. I'm Miss Remedy. Please, have a seat in the empty space near the back. We're just in the middle of math class."

"Alright, I think I can keep up with that."

"Whats a hwoo-man?" Well, who's to say that this question wasn't expected from that little filly in the middle row there.

"A human was a storybook animal that had recently become real and began turning into ponies like you and me so they can live happier lives. Is that true, Kenneth?"

Oh, sure, point questions at the new kid. "Um, ya, for the most part."

"Why is he here?"

"Is that really what a human looks like?"

"He smells."

"Children, I'm sure your new classmate will be happy to answer all your questions after class. Until then, we still have some problems to solve on the board." Alright, time to reign the little pests back into attention.

This class will be easy. Seems numbers and mathematical symbols are just like back home just looking at the blackboard. two multiplied by two? Four. Two by three? Six. Looks like I found my sleeping class.

"Kenneth, would you like to give us the answers to what I just wrote down?" You gotta be kidding me. This is almost insulting. Hell, even the foals think it's funny. Basic multiplication, ending with one question in simple division... please.

"The answers are ten, fourteen, zero, one, and three."

"Good job, Kenneth. You get a gold star."

It appears I'm going to have a talk about how pointless math is to someone whose already gone through the system. Meh, I'll just let her figure out that I'm probably a whole lot smarter than what Snow Prance thinks. Until then, may as well rake in gold stars and see where that gets me. Curse gaming instincts to gather achievements!

-=-=-

Okay, not so bad. A little demeaning, but not so bad. An hour of math while having to listen to little foals ask me questions whenever they get the chance. I was caught trying to practice levitating my pencil and had a gold star taken from me because I was supposed to be paying attention. That was pretty embarrassing.

Next class, same teacher and room now. At least I don't have to move around constantly like back in high school. Art Class.

See, this is what I was waiting for. Another slack class, but this time I can actually do something productive.

So we're given an assortment of crayons, safety scissors, and paints, and told to make something creative. Well, I suck with colour coordination that I can't fix later, so ditch the crayons. Maybe I can do something with the paint and "HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!"

"You're pretty old to be a blank-flank, so I wanted to cheer you up and make you one..." Oh, f*beep*, waterworks. Quick, put on a smile and pretend she didn't just stamp your ass with wet paint.

"Um... thanks for the thought, though."

"Moondust, You shouldn't paint on other ponies without asking them. That's very rude!" Thank you, Miss Remedy. "Kenneth, don't shout. One more outburst, and I'll take a star and send you to the office!" Sorry, Miss Remedy...

Okay, continuing along here... Hmm... Okay, scrap that idea... f*beep*in' levitating scissors... Okay, I can do this, I know how to levitate a pencil... Mmhmm... Alright... And... Done! Alright, not so bad, if I do say so myself.

"What a weird looking creature you have there, Kenneth. That's very detailed." Oh, Miss Remedy, I did not see you there, calling my self portrait weird.

"It's what I looked like before I became a pony."

"Oh. I'm very sorry. It's very nice. I think it should go up on the wall of fame in the hallway." Now SHE'S the one sucking up. Ha! Last you need is to insult to new foreign kid!

"Um... thanks." Quickly gotta put my name on it and there it goes! Whisked away with magic and on top of a pile of papers. Oh joy, now I can pester her to make sure she makes do on her word.

-=-=-

You may as well call me retarded right now. Really, I mean that. Last class of the day, I can't even cheat off the other foals. That's just sad...

Equestrian Language Arts, the new bane of my existence! Dear Celestia, put me out of my misery!

What kind of letter is this? It's like old cave carvings or something. Great job making yourself cool on the first day of class, Ken, you're f*beep*ing clueless now. All we're doing is going around reading what I assume is some very basic story book, going from one student to the next, reading a sentence on a page and oh f*beep* it's my turn...

"Problems, Kenneth?"

"Yes, Miss Remedy. I don't understand the words in front of me." Sure, laugh it up you little schmucks.

"Didn't they teach you how to read where you're from?"

"They did. Two languages growing up, another voluntarily."

"Well?"

"Humans use different letter forms. I might as well be reading an alien missive." Please just pass me so I can stop talking...

"Hmm... I think I understand your problem, and the class is very familiar with the story already. But I think this would be a great a chance as any to have a small lesson about other languages. Would you like to come to the board and be my assistant?" No... Oh Celestia, no!

"I think that's alright..."

Please stop moving legs. Please sit back down. I don't want to get stared at by children that can suck my soul dry by staring at me.

"Alright. Now, using the chalk, would you mind writing, in your language, where you are from?"

"Um... Earth... Winnipeg." Damn, my handwriting sucks, I mean, levitation-writing... magic writing... My writing sucks.

"Now we don't understand what you just wrote down. What do you call this language?"

"English. As far as I know, it kind of evolved from another called Latin, taking a whole lot of other languages with it."

"What other languages do humans speak?"

"Uh, I can speak a little bit of French, a little German, a phrase in old Irish. But there's hundreds of others, like Spanish, Russian, Mandarin, Braille for people that couldn't see, and sign language for people that can't hear." Ugh, listen to me. I hate getting into heated speeches, but it's her fault this time!

"Yes, Windy, you're raising your hoof?"

"If you're a human, why are you in a school for unicorns?" I can't even answer this with them understanding fully.

"Umm... Because humans couldn't use magic until this big event called 'the conversion' started happening, and a few of us got turned into unicorns. The Princess just sent me a letter and sent me here."

"Yes, another question, in the back."

"Was that drawing you were doing a human?"

"Yes. What I used to look like."

"You looked scary."

"Humans are pretty scared. That's nature."

"Why can't you read?"

"I already answered that question..."

"Are there other humans?"

"Billions. Now they all look like ponies."

"Is my aunty a human?"

Dear Celestia, kill me now...

-=-=-

Bell rings, I'm out, thank goodness that's over. Had a little chat with Miss Remedy about the whole "I can't read your language" thing, asking if there were any books I could skim through for basic understanding. Also tacked on a little conversation about how I already know several things like math and art, and should have to do them over. Of course, she wanted proof of my competence, so I gave it to her by answering some long division, square roots, and a little algebra. Bleh, all useless equations. Whatever, it sold my point. Not going to be treated like a special-ed student.

Right now, I'm sitting in the office, waiting my turn to have an audience with the current dean, Snow Prance. You remember her, don't you? The cold-hearted mare from earlier? She's giving a very long talk to one of her coworkers, so this might take a while. Oh, wait, they're coming out.

"Madam Prance?"

"Hmm? Oh, Alabaster, you're finished grading those papers?"

"I'm Kenneth Baxter."

"Oh! Oh... My apologies then. I assume you're here to be assigned your quarters?"

"Yes. I don't really have a place to sleep at the moment."

Pff, don't sigh at me like I'm an annoyance. You hardly even know me.

"Right this way, Mr. Kenneth." Alright, now we're getting somewhere. Down a few more halls, another flight of stairs. Seemed a lot shorter than when I was being led to the classroom. "Here is your room. Most colts and fillies are paired up, but seeing as you're a lot older than most students here, special arrangements have to be made. Curfew is ten o'clock, wake up at seven, breakfast at eight, class at eight-thirty."

And just like that, poof. Well, more like a crack really as she vanished in a flash of blue-ish light. Now that's a little trick I'd like to learn.

The room's not too big, but I guess this is home for me now. Walls are very bland and boring, so a little decorating is definitely in order. Perhaps I should go out and get a few supplies. Don't know how far a bag of bits will get me though. Hmm... maybe I should put a list together.

Get a job, because money is money.

Pass class, because I'm supposedly worth the effort.

Decorate room, because I can't work in a utilitarian environment.

Profit.

Alright, that's pretty easy. Of course, lists often tend to grow, but this is a start.

Ya, going out right now is certainly something I have to do. I just remembered that I practically had nothing on me. I need papers and pencils, first of all. Maybe get my hand on some magic baubles and such, and something to liven up to place.

I'll be back in an hour or two.