First Day on the Job

by Vertigo22

Rating: mature
Tags: Gore, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Other
Length: 2000

Upon Rook's arrival at Area 51, a containment breach happens. Now it's up to Rook and the bases commander—Harthoof—to save it.

After putting too much sugar in his superior officers coffee, Rook is transferred to Area 51. However upon his arrival, a containment breach occurs, releasing the inhabitants.

With no way out, Rook and the bases sargent—Harthoof—must find a way to re-contain the monsters, and more importantly, survive.

Inspired by the SCP Foundation (loosely) and, of course, Area 51.

Published 2016-09-21 00:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-09-21 00:10:01 UTC

No Health Benefits

On a scalding hot Summer day in the desert of the New Marexico, surrounded by a barbed wire fence, was a mysterious base operated by the royal guard. Tourists would often view it from a distance and wonder, what's inside Area 51?

Inside one of the bases structures, in the office of the commanding officer, stood an earth pony stallion with a green coat and a medal for a cutie mark “Welcome to Tartarus on Equus!” he said to a unicorn stallion. “My name’s Harthoof, and I’m the head of this base! I take it you're the new lousy sack of crap that was delivered to us on a golden platter?”

The unicorn—whose coat was sand-colored and had a shield for a cutie mark—saluted his superior officer. “Yes, sir,” he said. “I recently transferred here from Canterlot!”

“Do you have a name, son?” Harthoof asked as he glared at the newcomer. “Or should I refer to you as Meatbag?”

“My name is Rook, sir!”

Harthoof shook his head. “Only two kinds of ponies come here: the best of the best who have a death wish, or complete and total screw ups who thought that throwing a javelin at their commanding officer would get them laid,” he said. “I'm guessing you came here because you're the latter?”

Rook nodded. “I accidentally put too much sugar in my superior officers coffee.”

Harthoof tilted his head in confusion. “Excuse me?” he asked; surprised. “Are you joking?”

“That's what I said when I was told I going to be sent here!” Rook said. “I tried to protest, but the dick said that he'd notify Shining Armor!”

“Okay, well, we should go alert the Canterlot officials that you don't belong here,” Harthoof said. “I always knew those nimrods in Canterlot had their heads stuck up their asses.”

However, before the duo could leave Harthoof’s office, an alarm began to blare, and a red light flashed. The duo looked around the room as metal security gates came crashing down, and Harthoof’s office door swung open. In the doorway was a frantic earth pony wearing a white lab coat.

“What in Celestia's untouched ass is going on?!” Harthoof yelled. “Did someone mistake the switch for a claw machines controls again!?”

“Sorry!” the scientist said as he ran up to the duo. “There’s been a breach all across the facility! Everything got loose!

“What did you just say?!” Harthoof said angrily.

“Wait, a breach?” Rook asked. “You mean that aliens got loose?”

“Well, not just aliens,” the scientist said. “We also house zombies, really big sea monsters, a robotic Celestia, and much, much more.”

Rooks eyes widened. “Can I see it?”

Harthoof slapped Rook upside the head. “If any of these things enter here. You won't be alive!” he growled. “They're all ridiculously dangerous!” Harthoof turned his head to face the scientist. “Did anypony make it to the control room where we keep that emergency shutdown button?”

“Uhh... I think Johnson said he was going to go there,” the scientist said. “Of course, he probably got eaten considering he's got the IQ of a potato.”

“Hey, not to interrupt your bonding,” Rook said, “but there's a Luna-Griffon hybrid eating somepony up on the ceiling.”

Harthoof and the scientist looked up at the ceiling outside the room to see a creature with Princess Luna's head, and the body of a Griffon. In one of its claws was the head of a scientist, which it threw aside before it looked down at them. It spread it's wings and flew towards the trio.

The scientist pushed his way into the room and shut the door. “I don't think-”

Before the scientist could finish his sentence, the door came crashing down as the hybrid flew into it, which shattered it. “You dareth keep me locked up in this prison you call a base!?” the hybrid bellowed she said in a deep, raspy voice. “Then you shalt pay for your crime in blood!”

“You can replicate body parts, yet you couldn't replicate Luna's voice?” Rook asked as he held back laughter. “Not that I'm complaining, I think it sounds hysterical.”

“Silence!” the hybrid said as it picked up the scientist, who groaned in agony. It held the scientist up high and glared at him before it plunged a claw deep into his chest and tore out his heart. “Let this one be a message to you all!”

“That you'll show mercy to us when we're suffering?” Rook asked.

“W-what!? No!” the hybrid snapped. It threw the corpse—and heart—of the scientist aside. “I mean that I'll kill you!”

“Oh,” Rook said as he stared blankly at the hybrid. “That went right over my head. Sorry!”

“Are you not intimidated by me!?”

“Oh, I'm terrified of you,” Rook said. “I just hide it well.”

“Yeah, and I've seen you almost every day for the past two decades,” Harthoof said. “Also, I just want to say: damn, you're ugly,” he said with a scowl, “but, you still look better than my mother in-law.”

The creature shifted its attention towards Harthoof. “Thou dareth insult your in-law?!”

“Yeah, why do you care?” Harthoof asked. “Not like you know that bitch.”

The hybrid charged at Harthoof, who ducked to the side and watched as it collided with the wall. “Son, I'm gonna say two words,” Harthoof said.

“I'm all ears,” Rook said as he watched the hybrid slowly stand back up and glare at them with fury filled eyes.

“Run, maggot!” Harthoof yelled as he ran out of the room and into a large loading bay, which had a fresh cost of paint in the form of blood and gore from the dead workers who littered the room, along with several hi-tech pieces of machinery filled the room, train tracks that went into a deep, dark tunnel on the east side of the bay, and a large, purple armadillo like creature with spikes on its back, which appeared content with eating a workers organs in the north eastern corner of the bay, in front of a door.

Rook followed close behind as the hybrid took flight, though it's right wing was sprained. “I'll rip thy entrails out and use them as jewellery!” it yelled as it flew clumsily after the fleeing duo.

“What a charmer,” Rook said. “Tell me: did you give it that personality or did it get it on its own?”

“It may or may not have had to do with the fact we kept shock collar on it most of the time,” Harthoof said. “But, don't take my word for it, take the word of the dead employees!”

Before Rook could tell Harthoof that what he said made no sense to him, the hybrid landed in front of them and glared angrily. “Thou art time for you two to die!”

“Can I at least tell my mom and dad i love them?” Rook asked. “I mean, it'd be nice to let them-”

The hybrid lunged at Rook and raised a claw. However, before it could bring it down, Harthoof ran up and bucked it in the ribs, which made it reel back in pain. “Thou art a cunt!” the hybrid said as Harthoof helped Rook up.

“Yeah, and you're one part a princess I used to think about having sex with when I was a colt, but you're also a Griffon, so… no, I'm pretty sure I'd still-”

The hybrid charged at Rook and slammed his head against the floor repeatedly. “Thou dare defile thy princess in thy thoughts!?” it screamed. “Thou shalt die for thy crimes!”

Harthoof looked around and grabbed a nearby knife. He grabbed it and slammed it into the hybrids side, which made it let out an ear-splitting scream.

Rook stood up and held his head. “Ten percent sure I have a concussion,” he said. “Ninety percent sure I have brain damage.”

“Hey, thou better shut the fuck up!” the hybrid snapped. “Or I shalt gut you where you stand.”

“Oh, that's a great idea.” Rook levitated the knife out of the hybrid and plunged it into the hybrids stomach. “By the way, I still totally found you hot,” he said as he disemboweled the hybrid. He took a step back as its organs fell out like candy from a piñata. “Geez I'd hate to be the janitor here.”

Harthoof chuckled. “We don't hire janitors,” he said. “We just clone them… it's cheaper.”

“I won't question it,” Rook said as he turned to face Harthoof. “Now, where to?”

“Well, there are five floors below us,” Harthoof said. “Below those is the control room.”

“Why is it below every other floor?”

“Our original designers weren't the brightest bulbs on Equus,” Harthoof said. “They also thought it'd be a bright idea to put a shower next to the electrical breaker.”

“Oh,” Rook said. “Well, in that case, shall we get going?”

“Yep,” Harthoof said. “Also, we should stock up on some weaponry.”

“You mean laser guns!?” Rook asked excitedly. “Or plasma swords?”

“What? No!” Harthoof said. “We don't have that kind of crap!”

“Aww, that's a load of shit!” Rook whined. “I thought all of those stories about where true.”

“Yeah, well, we don't,” Harthoof said as he walked towards a door with the words ‘KEEP OUT’ written on it. “Welcome to reality: we only have knives and other blunt instruments,” he said as he handed Rook a sword. “Deal with it.”

“Fine,” Rook said. “Now, which way leads downstairs?”

“Where those train tracks lead,” Harthoof said with a sigh. “Sadly, that train was never made since our engineers were all killed when the robotic Celestia and robotic worm both got loose and killed them all.”

“Uhh… did you dismantle them?” Rook asked, an uneasy look on his face.

“Well, we could have,” Harthoof said as he walked towards the tracks, “but they gave self destruct mechanisms inside them if somepony tries to do so.”

Rook shuddered. “Okay, well, let me change the topic” he said, “why are we going down here and not, y'know, down a staircase?”

“Because that-” Harthoof pointed to the armadillo like creature in front of a door- “son of a bitch is in front of the door down, and last time somepony tried to move him, they were reduced to a puddle of goo.”

“It looks normal to me,” Rook said. “Only it has spikes.”

“Yeah, it also breathes acid.”

“Did you modify it to do that?”

“No, we found it when we made the initial tunnel for the train,”, Harthoof said. “I'm pretty sure that we never found the dad.”

“What about the mom?”

“We drilled into her,” Harthoof said. “The fellow using the drill died because her blood was acidic, but the drill was okay.”

“Glad to know,” Rook said as the duo began to make their way down the tunnel. “So, you think the dad's still here?”

“I don't think,” Harthoof said, “I know, since he ate one of our workers the other day when he raided the loading bay.”

Rook stopped in tracks. “How—or rather, why—the fuck has Celestia not shut this place down?”

“Simple: nopony has reported us since they all die while working. Those that do make it out alive are forbidden to ever speak about what they see since it's the law,” Harthoof said. “If there's one thing the outside world has gotten right about Area 51, it's that's nopony is allowed to speak about it!”

“Alrighty,” Rook said as he continued walking. After a few minutes, the duo arrived at a door, which read ‘emergency staircase’.

“So, down these stairs is the cafeteria,” Harthoof said. “You ready?”

Rook gulped. “I don't know why, but I'm nervous about this.”

“Yeah, I am too,” Harthoof said, “because I don't think we ever got rid of the cockroaches.”

Author's Note

So, I decided to make something of a splatter fic. If you didn't find it gorey enough, dont worry: it'll get bloodier as the story goes along