Gregory woke up in the infirmary, tucked tightly into soft white bed sheets. The infirmary was a sterile white room resembling that of a hospital with a large curtain separating this side of the room from the front. He checked the clock to find he’d been napping for nearly two hours. “Late for work,” he grumbled.

“Now none of that,” Nurse Stitches warned. “You’ve got a slight temperature. We applied a salve and it’s gone down, but I’d like to hold you here for at least another hour. In the meantime, if you’re feeling up to it, would you like to see your visitors?”

“Visitors?” Gregory asked. “Sure, I guess.”

Stitches pushed the curtain back to reveal a sitting area occupied by Blueblood, Luna, and Maud, all three of whom rushed forward at the nurse’s beckoning.

“Gregory, my dear boy,” Blueblood cooed as he held his friend’s hoof. “Are you well? Does it hurt?” Suddenly his look changed from concern to anger. “I swear to you, I’ll see that pink monstrosity is thrown into the asylum with the other lunatics where she belongs.”

“I wouldn’t recommend that,” Maud deadpanned as she effortlessly shoved Blueblood aside and took his place holding Gregory’s hoof. “Does it hurt, sweetie?”

Gregory blinked as he stared between the mare and the irate stallion climbing to his hooves, too fearful to speak.

“You! How dare you,” the prince fumed. “I’ll see to it that that sister of yours is locked away for the rest of her delusional days.”

“We already tried committing her,” Maud deadpanned as she stroked Gregory’s hoof, never taking her eyes off her stallion. “They kept sending her back.”

“What?” Gregory and Blueblood asked.

“She’s been banned from over thirty asylums across the empire,” Maud replied.

The room shook with Luna’s guffaws as she walked around Gregory’s other side and stroked his mane. “Are you enjoying the show as much as we are?”

“Can you three please use your inside voices!?” Nurse Stitches fumed.

“I can,” Maud said, raising her free hoof.

“Shut it!” The nurse snapped and pointed her hoof accusingly between the visitors. “Now I said you three could visit, but only if you didn’t aggravate my patient’s stress levels. If you fail to comply, I’ll be forced to ask you to leave. I don’t care who you are. In this room, I am the law!”

The royals and heiress had the decency to look embarrassed, which Stitches took as acceptance of the rule. She went over to her desk to perform some paperwork, but promised to expel them all the moment anyone became unruly. Blueblood came up alongside Luna and smiled gently at the sick stallion, leaving him thoroughly surrounded by the ponies he considered his closest friends. It was comforting.

“We were actually just talking about the,” Blueblood coughed, “incident earlier.”

“I’m sorry for my sister’s behavior,” Maud said, pulling his hoof meaningfully close to her chest. “I hope you understand she just gets carried away with things, but she’s really a nice mare.”

“I’m not sleeping with her,” Gregory said flatly, his tone fully conveying his feelings regarding the pink mare.

“Fair enough,” Maud nodded. “Although, I am a bit disappointed my sister got to see you without pants before I could.”

“That’s precisely the issue we need to address,” Blueblood said sharply.

“Agreed,” Luna added, holding out her hoof to silence her nephew before he said something he’d regret. “To be clear,” she addressed Gregory, “we cannot afford to be terribly patient in waiting for you to discover your cutie mark.” She glanced at Maud. “Some of us less than others.”

“Alright,” Gregory said uncertainly, suddenly feeling a bit claustrophobic at the way these ponies leaned in around him.

“Which is precisely why we agreed to that pink fool’s suggestion to seek professional help,” Blueblood added.

“Should I be worried?” Gregory asked. “Because I kinda wish I was let in on the decision making for my own life.”

“Trust me, sweetie. This is for the best.” Maud gently kissed Gregory’s hoof.

Gregory felt himself smile a bit at the mare’s show of affection. The care in her voice filled him with reassurance. “Alright,” he sighed relenting. “What exactly is this ‘professional’ help?” It was a question that, upon leaving his lips, immediately filled the stallion with a feeling of imminent doom.

***

“Cutie Mark Crusader Late Bloomer Assistors!” The three fillies shrilly proclaimed as they pressed their rumps together in some sort of salute. The unicorn, pegasus, and earth fillies all looked to be in their mid to late teens and wore red capes bearing the sigil of their club, a three colored shield matching their respective manes and cutie marks.

Staring in grim fascination, Gregory sat on a cushion in the room that was usually the sight of his magic lessons. It had been repurposed to more resemble the playroom of a kindergarten with a paint stand, haphazardly stacked tools, instruments, toys, and various other objects scattered about in three distinct areas.

“Alright, Mr. Greg,” began the country sounding Apple Bloom who seemed like the defacto leader. “Ya ready ta start the day’s crusade?”

Gregory slowly turned his head around the room, his eyes roaming across the piles of stuff as he searched before landing back on the fillies. “You’re the professionals meant to help me?”

“Sure as shootin we are,” Apple Bloom beamed, unfazed by his skepticism.

“Normally we’d let the Canterlot chapter of the Crusaders deal with a local boy,” Sweetie explained, “but we were called in special by none other than the queen herself.”

Despite their youth, the three fillies had already started up a club meant to help ponies with cutie mark related issues. It was vaguely therapeutic in how they had described it, counseling ponies who didn’t like, understand, or even have their cutie marks. Gregory was still having difficulty accepting that this club, led by these fillies, held chapters in over a dozen other towns and cities across inner Equestria, and counted among its ranks over a hundred ponies, including professional psychiatrists who had latched onto the brand name.

Mares, no matter the age, Gregory amended his initial theory, are crazy.

“Enough jibber jabber, girls,” Apple Bloom stated. “Time to get today’s crusading under way.”

“And save Maud from becoming a pedophile!” Scootaloo added.

Ponies were terrifyingly open about these things, Gregory concluded as they pulled him up towards the first of the day’s trials. Not only had they been called upon by Luna and Pinkie, mares they considered good friends, but the mares had also made it clear that this duty was especially important because of his relationship with Maud, and for the crown’s intention to used him for breeding stock. It was terribly humiliating, making the stallion feel like a child or piece of property being tossed about with no regard for how he felt. He almost quit before they even started, but then the vile and cursed Sweetie Belle made a face that nearly sent him back to the infirmary.

As he was guided through the various tasks, there were times when Gregory could have sworn he heard the Montage song from South Park
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPFCHuEegsk

Scootaloo had him try out a number of exercise and sporting equipment, commenting that he’d need to tone himself up if he wanted to be ready for an earth pony. It was a sentiment Apple Bloom shared, telling anecdotes she’d heard from her siblings about what happened when earth ponies got carried away with lovers outside their tribe, especially the glass canons that were unicorns. To surmise, it was basically death by snoo-snoo. All of this was explained by the tiny winged pegasus as she gave her instructions, leading her wings to gradually fluff out. They even played a little ball, proving to all that the human pony still had much to learn about using hooves.

With no luck in sports, Gregory was hurried along to the trade section. There he was instructed by Apple Bloom in various crafts he could learn. Ponies like Pinkie, she described, had their talents and passion in something that was more or less a hobby, but that their professions were often in related fields. The Apple Clan, as she bragged, was lucky in that their marks generally related directly to their various skills. However, this did not mean that one kind of mark was wholly better than another. Each mark was as different as the pony they belonged to, making them difficult to truly measure. Another example was how many unicorns had generic marks for magic, but that their personalities had led them to mastering magic for specified uses.

It was learned explanations like that that made Gregory almost forget he was being lectured to by a naked teenager who was probably only legal in Japan.

Reassured that today was strictly a trial run and that they just wanted to give him a feel for their lessons, Gregory was lead from the largely untouched crafts over to the arts section. After demonstrating her own gift for song, Gregory tried to match it with human melodies. She was very polite in how gently she let him down, saying that the songs were good but that he should probably restrict himself to karaoke and not a proper stage. Drawing and sculpting weren’t much better.

They were about to call it a day and go over what they’d learned so far before Gregory suggested story telling. The three fillies turned off the lights and gathered around a camp fire, which they’d somehow already lit. They smiled optimistically, but it was clear they weren’t expecting much. Sure enough, much to Gregory’s relief, they were pleasantly surprised by his retelling of Disney’s Aladdin.

“Now there’s an idea,” Scootaloo cheered. “You could be a professional story teller, going from town to town and weaving tales to awe your audiences.”

Gregory half smiled at the fillies’ enthusiasm. The idea was cute, but he didn’t much care for the notion of traveling or performing for an audience on a regular basis.

“Maybe we should introduce him to some performers we know,” Sweetie suggested. “They could provide the special effects while he does the narration.”

“First thing’s first, Crusaders.” Apple Bloom stomped her hoof down. “This seems like a pretty good lead, but we can’t get ahead of ourselves. Mr. Greg,” she said, turning to face him.

“I prefer Gregory.”

“For the next step in this phase of analysis,” she held a hoof to her chest, turning her nose up as she tried to sound as professional as possible. “We would like to follow you around and observe you in your natural environment to see if you might have any mark related inclinations that we haven’t yet observed.”

The other two came up to either side of their leader, proudly mirroring her posture.

“We request that you do your best to ignore us,” Sweetie said. “Just try and act natural.”

“But also try out some new things,” Scootaloo added. “Maybe look for more opportunities to tell stories to your friends.”

“Those are contradictory statements,” Gregory deadpanned. “I can’t act natural and do new stuff for you to see at the same time. Also, I’m not letting you follow me,” he said finitely.

“Told you he wouldn’t go for it,” Sweetie whispered, earning an elbow to the ribs.

“Then how about this,” Apple Bloom offered. “Cutie marks usually come around durin some kind of significant event, like a show. How ‘bout we round up a few of your close friends for a little show?”

Gregory touched his hoof to his chin. “I guess I’d be comfortable with that, if it’s only a few friends.”

“Cutie Mark Crusaders Audience Assemblers!” The three cheered, touching flanks in that same bizarre salute before crusading right out the door.

Gregory had to jump out of the way to avoid being trampled over. When they were gone, the stallion found himself feeling exhausted. Dealing with all these helpful ponies was becoming a drain on his reserves, even more so than the magic lessons. He couldn’t begrudge them, as it was clear they had the best of intentions, but then he reminded himself that such things were the bricks on the road to hell.

“Hello, dear boy.”

Speaking of which…

“Hey Blue,” Gregory grinned at the approaching stallion. “How’s it going?”

“Th-”

“That’s what I was about to ask you,” Maud interrupted as she walked alongside the prince. She exchanged looks with the white stallion before hurrying forward and wrapping a leg around Gregory. “Feeling alright, sweetie?”

“Much better,” Gregory sighed as he hugged the mare back, pulling her close and reveling in the feel of her fur. “You two are a sight for sore eyes.”

“Have you made any progress with those Crusaders?” Blueblood asked. “I realize their age might seem a bit off putting, but they really are the best at what they do.”

“Actually,” Gregory chuckled, “they think I should probably be a story teller.”

Blueblood chortled. “Well now I feel dumb for not suggesting that myself.”

“Agreed. That was pretty dumb,” Maud added, earning a look of ire from the prince.

They’d already come from a heated argument of whispers while Gregory had his lessons. Maud made it clear that, since Gregory was both bent and her coltfriend, his flanks were off limits to Blueblood or any other stallion. Not to mention that her being an heiress meant that she’d have the least trouble of being accepted by the nobility as his lead mare. Blueblood reminded her that her coltfriend was still legally a minor and the prince’s ward, making him responsible for the stallion’s care and education in the myriad of social interactions. He also added that even bent ponies preferred the occasional tryst with the non-preferred sex, so long as there was a deep kinship involved. Ultimately they agreed to a truce in favor of letting the object of affection come to his own decisions.

“So,” Gregory began cautiously as he studied the look the gray mare and white stallion gave one another. “They, um, want to set up a story telling show with some of my closest friends. Any thoughts on who I should invite?” He asked invitingly.

“I’m just going to assume that you’re being playful and that your gorgeous fillyfriend is already at the top of the list,” Maud deadpanned, tightening her grip.

“You know what they say about assumptions, dear lady,” Blueblood said, giving the mare a leer. “Where as I, as a gentlecolt,” he bowed, “would be honored to accept such an invite.”

“Is there something going on you two’d like to share with me?” Gregory asked.

The prince and earth mare each had dirty fantasies of all the things they wished to share with the stallion, but instead assured him that nothing was going on and that he should start thinking of a good story for the show.

Author's Note

Gregory gets schooled by the CMC. They’ve really come into their own, putting their marks to good use and helping ponies across the empire in a very professional manner. Yet they’re still themselves.

That’s nice and all, but I’m actually enjoying my own attempt at world building. Each chapter gives us a little more insight into the world. Equestria is an emprie, not a kingdom, the royal sisters are actually queens, differing views on sexuality, and so on and so forth.

I’m also digging the bitter rivalry I’ve made between Maud and Blue. It feels very anime-ish.