I awake to a world of pain.
Every breath inhaled brings more pain.
I don’t try to open my eyes, neither do I try to move, nor do I try to reach out for my magic for the simple reason of not being able to feel my horn.
I need not to inspect myself - just from the way my whole body hurts I can say that I’m in a severe condition. Though, there’s one thing clearly amiss - I don’t feel pain from my back legs. To be precise, I don’t feel them at all. Normally, this would’ve worried me, but seeing the state I am in, I don’t think it matters all that much.
Begrudgingly, I try to open my eyes, but the sharp, sudden pain in my head won’t let me. I opt to not try that again for a while, instead deciding to think of how I ended up like I did.
The last thing I remember is… is...
I can’t remember what happened to me yesterday! The realisation hit me like a brick. The last thing I remember, is setting off to check up on the information I have been supplied, to see for myself if accusation was true. After that… it’s all black.
Huh. I don’t even remember what exactly turned out to be my demise. A pity it is. I sigh, which immediately rewards me with more pain from my lungs.
I try to open up my eyes again, with more success this time. Turns out to not be of much help - all I see is a blur of colors, with no concrete shapes.
I try to turn my head a little, but as I do so, I feel the pain greater than anything I felt from my body up to this point. Nevertheless, I managed a centimeter or two, and now can see something carmine on the edge of my vision.
I try and turn my head some more, but the pain is so intense, I can feel a teardrop forming. Although, I still did what I wanted, so I stop moving and lay as I am, waiting for the pain to subside somewhat.
I can now clearly see the carmine blur, which distantly resembles a pony. It has two deep-blue dots and a streak of orange atop it on one of the ends. A mirror, isn’t it? How convenient If I said that aloud, it probably would’ve sounded as thought I spat it.
However, it did clear up one thing. The other side of the blur, a place where my back legs should be, I assume, is interrupted by deep brown. Well, here goes why I can’t feel my rear legs. Can’t feel what you no longer have, huh? Despite the pain, the corners of my lips tugged up in a sarcastic smile.
For whatever time I spent lying there, only now did I pay attention to my other senses - namely, hearing and smell.
The sound of something burning, the smell of burned wood… I shuddered at the thought. It was scary enough to just come to terms with having to die a boring death, not hard though, as I always prepared myself for something like this, but…
Being burned alive? This was nowhere near my favourite ways of spending my time.
To be honest, I hated fire all my live. After all, it took my parents from me in the Great Fire of Canterlot, robbing me of the chance at better life. Quite ironically, actually. The fire started my life as it is, and the fire will end it now.
With memories of olden days, the more recent past has also came to me. One legend, told amongst people and even more popular amongst the likes of me. Though none will openly confess to believing in it, we all wanted it to be true. We wanted to believe that even we have chance at redemption.
I can remember old Gragson telling it to me as though it was yesterday.
I sat at the table in the canteen, enjoying my late dinner after returning from my last mission.
My thoughts weren’t as enjoyable as the food was tho. I kept thinking if what I was doing was right. If what we were doing was right. This doubts gnawed at my mind not for the first day, and I have yet to lay them to rest.
Suddenly, I can hear someone plumping near me.
"Heya Lily, mind if I sit with you?" I didn’t even have to guess who that was.
"Hey Grag, and you already did just that." I answered him without batting an eye, still too preoccupied in my thoughts.
"Aw. can’t you act friendly for once?" His voice dropped to a whisper suddenly, "You look like you’re bothered by something lately. Mind telling me?"
I sharply turned my head to look at him, but he was paying my glare no heed, instead giving all his attention to his plate, awaiting my answer.
"It’s none of your business."
"Maybe, maybe not. It’s me who have brought you in, so I’m kinda responsible for you, you know? Well, I guess I know what you’re going through, so I will just tell you what my predecessor told me..."
I interrupted him, rising to full height and placing my fore hooves on the table loudly. Good there were only a few people here at the time.
"I don’t need any of it! I just need to sort some things in my head, that’s all."
"And this is exactly why I came here. Where was I at tho? Ah, right. I wanted to tell you a story, but since you seem to not be too keen on listening right now, I guess I’ll put it as shortly as I can. There’s an old legend. More of a myth rather than legend, but nevertheless. It tells, that the rain that comes with sunrise, will wash away the sins and stains from souls of those, who are on the brink of death."
I snorted in annoyance. "This is just ridiculous, and you know it full well.
He didn’t react to that, and only when I decided to take my leave did he comment.
"You’re right, probably. But you always ought to have something good to hope for, don’t you think so?"
"I’m a cold-blooded killer, and so are you. We have nothing to hope for, and no right for it."
I left the canteen after this words.
Those were the last words I ever told him. He went on a mission that day - and never returned. Despite what a pain in an ass he was, it still hurts that he left like this. That I never said him a proper goodbye.
But this memory gave me strength. It gave me reason. So I tried to move again. I swear, I would’ve killed myself for imposing such a torture upon myself if there was a chance of surviving.
But there was none, and so I braced myself, and moved again. I felt as though I was gonna die from the shock, but after some time filled with pain and my sheer force of will, I was able to do what I wanted.
Namely, turn to lay on my back.
I think I heard something cracking in process, and the pain of just lying still was now greater, but… I can’t care less. I get to see the sky, and that was more than enough of a payback for additional suffering. I try to raise my hoof as if to touch it, but I can’t.
Though my vision of it was not the best, not even what I would’ve liked it to be, it still was enough.
Seconds went by, turning into minutes, and, probably, hours on end as I was waiting the death to come. But it wouldn’t. As though it was taunting me, saying to wait until the morning.
I thought about all the people I killed, of all the kids I left half-orphants, families I brought sorrow to. They all were flashing through my mind. Countless ponies, the name of many of which I didn’t even bother to now when I should’ve.
I couldn’t regret it still. Much as I think it is wrong, I don’t regret killing any of them, and I can’t bring myself to.
I can feel my last strength sapping Celestia damn you, why night has to be so long… My eyes are starting to close Wait… the sky… it is brightening…
First raindrop falls from the sky…
Author's Note
Something I just put together on a whim, without concrete goal in mind... meh, hope it's at least decent.
