Chapter 1: Things Get Weird
Drake’s Mysterious and Peculiar Quest Adventure
Chapter 1: Things Get Weird
By: SleeplessScribe
Autumn evenings were always pretty chilly in Virginia, but the colors were always worth it. They were all I thought about as I helped my friends stuff the last of our bags into the back of Lisa’s Nissan. I let out a yawn and looked up at the starry night sky, stretching my arms.
“Man, this is going to be the best trip, guys.”
My friend Luke closed the door to the trunk and gave it a tap. “Hell yeah. We ain't done anything like this in years. Sure you're still good for the big hike? You're looking a bit thicker than you used to, Nick!”
He, Lisa, and Jess all started to laugh. Luke and I were infamous nature lovers, and as soon as we met in our high school’s Outdoor Exploration Club, we clicked. Lisa came into the group early in our freshman year of college, and Jess joined up a little later. We were a very tight knit group now, and I loved it.
“Hey, hey, hey! I've been on point with my exercises, alright? Lisa can confirm.”
My short Japanese friend raised her hand and nodded. “The best gym bud. I'd say he's kept me on track more than I've kept him on. There's no telling how many ‘breaks’ I'd have taken without him.”
Luke smirked at the two of us as he headed back to the apartment. Lisa shoved him in a “don’t give me that look” kind of way, leaving me with Jess. She hadn’t really said much since we started packing, and I caught her looking up at the stars when I turned her way.
“Everything good, Jess? You seem a bit out of it, tonight.”
She immediately turned and brushed the red hair out of her face. “Oh, no, no, I’m fine! I’m just thinking about some stuff. Don’t worry.”
I crossed my arms. “Problems with your parents again?”
The look on her face and the sigh she let out told me she knew she’d been figured out. She never was good at hiding things.
“Yeah. This trip will be a good chance to get away from that crap for a while.”
I gave her a nod and a pat on the shoulder. “Yeah, it'll be good to get away. But you won't have any fun if you're hung up on nonsense.”
Jess gave another sigh. “Yeah, true. I should call it a night. See you tomorrow, Nick.”
“I should probably head to bed, too. Night.”
I took one last look at the packed up car before heading into the apartment. Jess and Lisa’s room was right across from mine and Luke’s, so that was good for us. As I approached my door, I could hear Luke snoring like a bear.
Even with how loud he was, I managed to fall asleep relatively quickly after I got in bed. I didn't stay asleep for very long though, if the clock was any indication. I could hear the sound of the shower running as I forced myself up, and immediately I began thinking about the day ahead.
I went ahead and started working on breakfast, as I knew the girls would be over. Luke and I swapped and I got in the shower once he was done and dressed and all that, and they were all at the table eating when I got out.
We finished our meal, chatted a bit, went over our plan for the day, and hopped in the car to go. As usual, Lisa was driving, I rode shotgun, and Jess and Luke sat in the back.
“Alright everyone, are we ready for the outdoors?” Lisa shouted out. I really wished that she'd keep both hands on the wheel, but that's Lisa for you.
None of us could stop chattering for the entirety of the two and a half hours it took us to get to the park and find our cabin. Once there we unpacked and got adjusted to the little log house. Jess had the maps and hiking routes on her, so we all huddled around a table to look them over.
“I know you all well enough to know that you'll want to take one of the longer trails right off the bat.” She said this while trailing her finger along a yellow line on the map.
“This hike will take us around the lake, so we can look for parking spots, and we'll be going up the mountain a ways. From what I hear, the view is gorgeous from up there.”
“All right!” Luke did a mini fist pump in front of his face. “What kind of equipment are we taking?”
Jess opened her mouth, but Lisa cut her off. “Just make sure you've got your water with you. We'll probably camp proper the next few nights, but today is for getting the lay of the land.”
Luke gave a nod. “The hikes gonna be great, but I can't wait to go fishing!”
All I could do was chuckle, giving him a nudge. “I can't wait for you to cook the fish.”
He just rolled his eyes. Jess waved her hand in front of our faces before pointing to a spot about halfway along that yellow path.
“There's a little rest point here with snack and drink machines, so we can grab a little boost if we need to.”
I clapped and nodded. “Sounds good to me.” I started jogging in place in an attempt to show just how excited I was.
“Alright, alright, settle down.” Lisa put her hand on my shoulder. “We'll be going in just a minute.”
With that, we all put on jackets and appropriate shoes. Jess grabbed the map, we locked up the cabin, and it was time to head out. In situations like this where there was a short route from where we were to where we wanted to start the hike, we jogged. As usual, Luke was trying to make a race out of it by running in front of anyone that might very passed him.
It didn't take too long for us to get to our trail of choice. Even though we were at a leisurely walking pace now, Luke was still going on about being the first to get everywhere. After a moment, a tug on my hand distracted me from his rambling.
“Hey.” Lisa had wrapped her fingers around my hand and was walking right next to me. “What's up?”
“I should be the one asking that. You're the one holding my hand out of nowhere.”
She just giggled and tightened her grip. “Just wanted to hold your hand. We've got a long hike ahead of us, and Luke is the only one that wants to run it.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle. With a smirk, I tugged on her hand and made her stumble, thumping right into me. Her face went bright red and, after a moment of just staring at me, she shoved off and nearly knocked me off my feet.
“Rude! What’d you go and do that for?” Lisa puffed out her cheeks and pursed her lips before scooting up over to Jess. She shot me a look over her shoulder, but stayed quiet.
There was a mildly long, awkward silence after that. Luckily, Luke decided to start singing despite having a voice that would make Simon Cowell cry. Whether it was to drown him out, join in, or both, Jess and Lisa chimed in and I found myself singing “Rocky Road to Dublin” with everyone else in mere moments. Most of the talking after that was chit chat about what we’d do after the hike, what we wanted to eat that night, and Lisa making jokes about me being oblivious about stuff. I really had no idea why she was so upset.
About half an hour after we first began walking, we were making our way uphill towards that little rest stop Jess mentioned. Further up ahead, we could just barely see the edge of the lake, but all of us agreed to stop and grab snacks. We were delayed for a minute or two by Lisa swiping my candy bar and playing keep away, but I did finally get it back and we started walking again.
Luke took a deep breath and looked out to the lake as we got closer. “Ah, you can almost smell the fish. Croaker, spot, trout, so much stuff.....”
As he trailed off, I crossed my arms. “That’s all saltwater fish, my dude.”
“No, you can find trout in lakes.” He gave me a jokingly angry look and jammed his finger into my shoulder.
“Actually,” Jess slid up between us with a wide grin on her face, “Trout, bass, pike, and even some perch can be caught in this lake.” If her pride could be given physical form, it’d be a sign around her neck that read “Marine Biologist”.
“Alright, calm down.” Lisa tugged Jess back with a smile. “Fish is fish. Luke’s cooking makes it better than normal, but it’s still fish.”
Jess opened her mouth to retort, but we were interrupted by a loud grunting coming from the direction of the lake. We saw two fishers by the edge of the water, and one was struggling with his rod. Every time he pulled it, the tree branch above him shook. After taking a closer look, I even saw his shiny lure caught in the leaves that had yet to fall off. Without a second thought, I jogged up to them and waved.
“Hey! You need some help there, man?” I stopped right beside him and looked up. The branch his line was caught on was actually fairly high up.
“If you have an idea that don’t involve me cuttin’ my line, I’d appreciate you trying it out.” He pulled on his rod again and let out a gruff “hmmm”.
When the others caught up, Luke raised his hand. “Nick will climb up there and get it loose for you. This man’s like a monkey when it comes to climbing trees.”
Even though it was true, I still turned to him with a brow raised. “Gee, thanks. Such a nice way to tell a stranger about me.”
The older man let out a hearty laugh before looking up at the tree. “I do appreciate you volunteering, young man. Just be careful, now. Don’t want you hurting yourself.”
After a sigh and shooting Luke one of those “I’ll get you” glares, I sized up the tree and jumped. My goal was a branch that was hanging just over the shore of the lake about halfway up the tree. It wasn’t a very tall tree, and luckily for me, it began branching out maybe four or five feet from where I started. Down below, the girls were cheering me on while Luke just watched like an ass.
It only took a few minutes for me to reach the height I needed to be at. From there, it was a matter of wrapping my arms and legs around the thick branch and slowly inching my way towards the end. I could feel it bending ever so slightly, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. Luckily, my weight was held and I managed to reach out, grab the lure, and free the hook from the leaves it was caught on.
“You should be good now! Go ahead and pull her in.”
The fisherman nodded and yanked on the rod, reminding me of a crucial detail: letting go of the lure. I did, but not soon enough to keep from getting pulled off balance just enough for disaster. The strangest thing was that after the huge splash, I was still sinking. I could see the lakebed from atop the branch, and while I certainly didn’t want to deal with a head injury, it was more frightening that I was somehow in water so deep that it was muffling the worried screams and shouts of my friends.
Worse still was the fact that I couldn’t see any of them. I know all of my friends were great swimmers, and most certainly brave enough to dive in after me. So why hadn’t they there? My arms and legs locked up, preventing me from moving even if I weren’t too hazy to do so. The light from the surface was slowly darkening, and it wasn’t much long before I drifted out of consciousness.
“Oh! Thank goodness you’re okay! When I saw you, I thought you were already down for the count!”
The high pitched, feminine voice was like nails on a chalkboard with how my head was pounding. I was incredibly cold, but the freezing sensation didn't last long thanks to a warm breeze blowing over me and what I assumed to be the sun beaming down on me.
I tried to open my eyes, but doing so made them sting like no tomorrow. After letting out a pained hiss, I held out my arms and began to feel around. I pressed against something warm and soft, like a blanket or a puppy that had been lying in the sun.
“Ah! Hero, so direct! I-I suppose you can touch me there if you wish....”
The words made me pull my hands away immediately. Instead of trying to feel where I was, I attempted to wipe my eyes. My hands felt cold and rough, probably skinned up from the fall.
“Where am I?”
“No time for that, Hero! Hurry, you must come with me!”
I felt a tug on my arm and was pulled forward, flopping on the ground. I was on soft grass now, and able to open my eyes.
“Why do you keep calling me hero?” A horrifying sight greeted me when I tried to stand. The hands beneath me were thick, sharp claws covered in orange scales.
I jumped up and examined my body as best I could. I was covered head to toe in what I could only describe as scales or some kind of thick leather and I became acutely aware of a long tail trailing from my lower back.
Reaching back, I ran a hand along the back of my head to feel for hair. Instead, my hand ran up what felt like like a long, single scale.
My first reaction was to look for something, anything, with a reflective surface. The first thing I found was a lake right behind me that I darted to. Looking at the surface of the water revealed not the redheaded human I was, but the face of a dragon.
“What? What.... what?” After a few moments, I let out a horrified scream and fell backward.
“Hero! What's wrong? You look as if you've seen a ghost!”
Finally, it was time to turn around and look at whoever was talking to me. My jaw slowly opened and dropped when I saw those big, purple eyes.
This voice was coming from a tiny horse with bright green hair and a white mane with a horn poking out of it. Not only that, but she was still talking.
“Come on! We need to go!”
She ran up and grabbed my arm, tugging on it. I was not about to follow some talking pony, though, and retook possession of my arm quickly.
“Wait, hold the fuck up. Where the hell am I? What the hell am I? Who the hell are you?”
The horse squeaked and backed away from me. She covered her mouth with a hoof before averting her gaze.
“You're so assertive... so fierce. Someone like you could totally take advantage of me.”
That last part was a bit hushed, but she piped up as soon as I cleared my throat.
“I'm Cool Mint, Hero! I'm a pony from the nearby town of Sarsnifall! Right now, you're in a small forest with no real name. If you're talking large scale, were in a country called Equestria! As for what you are....”
She leaned forward, poking my stomach.
“How do you not know?”
I immediately pointed to the lake behind me. “I am a human. Hu-man! I fell into a lake just like this one and passed out! Next thing I know, I'm here!”
Mint clapped her hooves together with a bright smile. “Oh yes! I saw you floating up to the surface and pulled you out! As soon as I saw you, I knew you had to be the hero of legend!”
I raised my brow and scratched my head. I guess even scales could itch.
“What is this hero of legend talk? I don't even know where I am, so there's no way I could be a legend. Speaking of where I am, I'm gonna go ahead and head home now.”
She started stammering as I stuck my arm in the water. However, a quick dip of my head in showed me there was nothing at the bottom but fish and dirt.
“Wait, what the.... There's nothing here! Where did I come from? I can't be this hero you go on about!”
“Oh, but you are! See, the mayor of my town is a clairvoyant of sorts. He predicted that a dragon would emerge from this very lake to save us from a great crisis!”
I just groaned. “And what is this crisis?”
She muttered under her breath, but I'm pretty sure I heard “douse” “womb” and “seed”. After that, I slapped my own face.
“Holy shit you are a thirsty horse. What's the damn crisis?”
She beamed at me and shook her head. “I have no idea! Things in Equestria have been wonderful as of late!”
I furrowed my brow and my mouth curved down into the most severe scowl that I had ever put on.
“What the fuck? There's no problem and yet I'm here? Okay, no, what the actual hell?”
Cool Mint moved around to my back and gave me a shove. As I stumbled forward, she did it again and repeated the process until we were a ways away from the lake.
“Come on! We have to go to Sarsnifall so you can talk to Mayor Yelshinitty!” She shouted as she shoved me again.
“What is up with these names?” I exclaimed, before tumbling forward again.
Eventually I stood up, which led to Mint shoving her face into some questionable areas. To be honest, I was more comfortable with going along with her hero nonsense then I was with her coming onto me again, so I quickly thought of something to avoid another dirty comment.
“Alright! To Sarsnifall it is!”
I started marching forward and heard what I assumed to be a clap of hooves. As soon as she was in front of me again, it was back to groaning and angry faces.
“Excellent! Follow me, Hero!”
She took off past me, forcing me to run to keep up with her. It was a good thing that I was in shape. It seemed as if my muscles and stamina transitioned into this body too, because I could tell Mint was starting to get winded while I felt like I could run for miles.
Luckily for her, we broke through the edge of the woods much sooner than I thought we would. I found myself on the outskirts of a small village. Ahead of me were stone and brick houses, paved streets, smoking chimneys, and more horses. Cool Mint nudged me towards the town with a nod.
“Come on! Mayor Yelshinitty is waiting for us!”
We slowed down our pace to a walk as we entered into the town proper. Many a stare was cast in my direction, but none of them looked particularly angry or hostile. I guess dragons weren't that feared in this Sarsnifall place.
Cool Mint shoved me across what looked to be the town square, if the big, open space and giant fountain were any indication. Directly across from us was a house much larger than the rest around here with a plaque above the door that had a gavel carved into it. As soon as we reached the door, it swung open and I saw yet another peculiarity.
A slender beast walked out of the door and turned to us. I locked eyes with it, and was tempted to just turn and run. Its head and neck were covered in white feathers, there were big, brown feathered wings on its back, and the majority of its body was coated in light brown fur. It spoke through a sharp, yellow beak with a voice equally as sharp.
“It's rude to stare, dragon. If you've something to say, say it and stop gawking.”
This gryphon was most definitely female, if the voice was anything to go off of. She brushed the fluffy tip of her long tail in my face almost teasingly, but her face was anything but playful.
“What's your name?”
I thought about it for a moment. Nicholas or Nick probably weren't common names here. It took me a moment, but I eventually just blurted out the only thing I could think of that wouldn't make me sound like a madman.
“Drake. My name is Drake.” It was the perfect blend of telling the truth and still being fitting.
She looked me up and down before opening her beak. However, Cool Mint shoved me forward into the building and shot the gryphon a glare before closing the door.
“Huh! The nerve of her, eyeing you like that. I saw you first.”
“Is everything here thirsty as fuck? Geeze....”
Before I could say anymore, Mint walked towards a staircase ahead of us. I didn't even get to look at the room before being forced to follow her.
“The mayor is just up here. I'm sure he set time aside for you, given that he knows you're coming.”
The stairs took us to a hallway with one door on each side and one at the end. I was pushed towards the door at the end before Cool Mint knocked on it. We were met with silence.
She knocked again, but there was still no response. After a moment, I reached forward, just grabbed the doorknob and turned it.
“It's unlocked.”
Mint threw her front legs up. “Wait! You can't just go in there!”
It was too late. The door swung open, and we were greeted by a large, circular room. Bookshelves, desks, maps, and documents lined the walls. There was a large window that let in plenty of natural light at the back of the room. At the center was a heavy, wooden desk. By the look of it, it was mahogany. Very expensive.
There was a plaque on the desk that read “Yelshinitty”, various papers scattered about, and behind it was a big, black leather chair facing away from us. We both slowly approached and heard what sounded like... snoring.
“Nng... Oh Twilight... geeh....”
Mint and I exchanged looks before she gave me a nod. Reaching forward, I slowly rotated the chair to see the gray haired mayor before us. He had on a fancy top hat and a mustache most glorious on his face. I gave him a soft poke on the nose, withdrawing as he began to stir.
“Oh dear... dozed off again.” His chair rotated away from us again before I saw him shift. He slowly turned towards us again. When his tired eyes rested on me, they opened completely and he jumped up.
“Dah!” He shook his head quickly and took in the scene. He looked at me for a few seconds before a smile spread across his face.
“Oho! I knew you would be arriving soon, Great Hero! You've been in many a vision of mine in days of late!” He threw his hooves in the air like he just didn't care.
I lifted a hand and gently pressed it to my face. “Wonderful. Absolutely perfect! Since you've seen so much, maybe you can tell me why the hell I'm actually here? Or how I got here? Cool Mint over here says I'm supposed to deal with disaster, but there's nothing going wrong.”
Mint walked up to the desk and nodded. “I told our hero all about Sarsnifall, you, and about why he was here!”
Yelshinitty nodded and tapped his chin. “Mm, yes. Indeed. See, as I slumbered, I had yet another vision. Strange lights and dark smoke arose from ruins to the north of town.”
I crossed my arms. “What does that mean?”
The mayor turned to the window again. “Those ruins were once the castle of a dark being known as Kapral. He was a massive beast with evil powers that once brought disaster to Equestria. He took the country by such complete surprise that even the Princesses of our land did not have time to react before they were rendered powerless.”
I took a step back. In the blink of an eye, things had become incredibly serious.
“So... what happened to him?”
Yelshinitty began stroking his mustache. “A great hero with a holy blade and a brave heart rose to fight against him. For three long days, Kapral and our nameless hero did battle. When it seemed the two were finally on their last wings, the hero lifted his blade to the sky and brought it down, blowing away the beast and his castle in a flash of silver light.”
I crossed my arms. “So wait, what's the threat then?”
“We're not sure what exactly happened to Kepral.” Cool Mint nudged me as she spoke. “It's very possible that he was simply sealed away and not killed. He could... Be coming back.”
“Oh, I’m sure this smoke is from some hooligans making a bonfire! Nothing more!” The mayor began waving one of his hooves.
I glared at the pony as my fingers curled into fists. My body was shaking ever so slightly, and before I knew it, the last several minutes just exploded out of me.
“A bonfire! I fell into a lake, have a thirsty pony throwing herself on me, am stuck in a strange world with no way home, and am being forced to just accept all this... just to investigate a bonfire?”
My fear and fury welled up from within, and as I let out a livid shout a burst of flame flared out of my mouth. It disappeared quickly, and nothing was damaged, but I still covered my mouth immediately after it happened.
Cool Mint backed away, but I could hear heavy pants from behind me. No doubt she found this arousing. Yelshinitty was just staring at the ceiling with the blankest of blank expressions on his face. Maybe five minutes later, he looked down at me.
“I don't know what you mean with this talk of other worlds, but I have more to tell you. My visions aren't always direct. Some are weird and cryptic and sometimes smelly.”
“And?”
“See, the smoke isn't the issue. However, clues to your quest, and the coming danger, can be found at the ruins. Or not. I say look there.”
After a grumble, I crossed my arms. “Alright, so, why should I even bother helping you? I know nothing about you, this world, or any of your problems. Tell me why I shouldn't just march off and look for a way back home.”
“Well, you could.” The mayor tapped his hooves together. “But you seem to be looking for answers. What if this quests gets you what you're looking for?”
I stopped and put my hand on a chin. He did have a point. “Alright. I guess I'll go along with this nonsense for a bit. Where are these ruins?”
The mayor spun around in his chair. He must have not expected to go so fast, given his face as he ended up on the floor. As soon as he stood back up, he pointed out the big window.
“If you go out of the eastern gate, follow the stone road until you come to a signpost listing different towns. Go towards Banka Banka, and you'll see the ruins about halfway down that road.”
Mint tapped my shoulder. “Have all these names confused you yet?”
“I've been confused since I first popped out of that lake. I'm going now, I need time to think.”
As soon as I turned around to walk out, I felt fur wrap itself around my torso. I looked back to see Mints big eyes looking back up at mine as her cheek was pressed against my back.
“Oh no. You are not coming with me.”
I shot her a glare, but that just made her eyes widen. “Please, Drake! I have magic! I can heal! I can help you! Please!”
That last word was long and drawn out, like a child begging for a toy. I really wanted to say something, but I hoped that silence and my continued attempts to walk would be a sufficient answer. It was clear as I walked through the front door with a pony still wrapped around me that I would not be taking this journey on alone.
“Ugh. Fine. Just try not to get in the way, alright? And keep your... fetishes or whatever out of this.”
Her face went slightly red and she had a smirk on her face, but soon straightened up and gave the closest thing to a salute that a horse could give.
“Of course! You can count on me, Drake!”
I groaned and looked out towards the east side of town. “This is going to be stupid.”
Chapter 2: The Quest Begins
Author's Note
I put up this chapter using my phone. If there's any weird formatting, it will be fixed later this evening when I'm off work.
Chapter 2: The Quest Begins
Drake’s Mysterious and Peculiar Quest Adventure
Chapter 2: The Quest Begins
By: SleeplessScribe
Despite how crazy this entire situation was, I had to admit that the scenery was beautiful. After we had left the east gate, it was nothing but meadows and forest on either side of the road. In some ways, it reminded me of home. Cool Mint was humming as we walked, practically right up against me. I tried to nudge her away, but she kept coming back.
“Tell me something.” When she stopped humming, I assumed I had her attention. “What exactly happened when you found me?”
“You just kinda bashowed!” As she shouted out her onomatopoeia, she threw her hooves up.
“I what?”
“Right out of the water! You flew up with a big splash and flopped onto the shore. You were out cold for a few seconds, and then you... you....”
She had stopped walking. I had half a mind to keep going, but curiosity had me. Turning around showed me a red faced unicorn with her eyes closed. She had a big grin on her face, was practically panting, and shuddered every now and again.
“You groped me at a place most innapropriate! Oh, to be fondled by our hero of legend. Ah, but to be felt by a stranger. What a mix of honor and shame!”
As she laughed and hugged herself, my desire to walk away grew even stronger. Eventually, I groaned and went on my way. Before I could register what happened, a white streak sped by me, spun around, and Cool Mint planted herself in front of me.
“Excuse me! I know you were not about to just leave your healer out by herself!”
She started walking up to me but was met with a hand against the face.
“I don't need a healer. I'm literally going to look around a broken down castle.”
She pressed against my hand, and eventually started moaning. I think I heard her mutter “so rough” before I jerked back.
“Let's just go. And please calm down.”
“Of course!” She did her little salute again just before we came up to the sign Yelshinitty spoke of.
I took a look at the sign. On the right was Banka Banka, and the left said Ponyville. We both went right but I couldn't help but at least look left. The road continued a ways, beyond a hill that hid it. I could see dark, sinister looking trees poking up above that hill, though.
“So why exactly were you sitting by the lake to begin with?”
She looked up at me and tapped her chin. A pony tapped her chin while walking. Clearly physics didn't apply in this world.
“Our mayor had a vision of our hero bursting forth from the water. As soon as he told me this, I ran for the lake as quickly as possible.”
I raised a brow. “Do you ever... question your mayors visions? Even once?”
“Mmm... nope!” Mint beamed at me as she said it. “He's been vague and cryptic sometimes, but even those visions led me in the right direction.”
“I see. Okay then.”
I turned my focus back to the road. Why was I doing this? This was actual nonsense, and I started to grumble at myself for even thinking of playing along with it all. This had to be a dream of some kind.
“That's it!” I snapped my claws and smiled.
Cool Mint jumped a little. “What's it? Did you come up with a new recipe?”
“I figured it all out! This is all just a dream! Haha! That's it. I fell into that lake, passed out, and now I'm probably at the cabin, or maybe a hospital, waiting to wake up!”
The unicorn tilted her head and brought a hoof to her chin. “What? Drake are you... okay? Have you gone crazy?”
Moments later she started giggling. I knew exactly what she was thinking just by the sound of it.
“Does everything turn you on?”
She soon shook herself back to reality. “I never did ask you something. What exactly happened to make you sploosh out like that, anyway?”
“I guess indulging the dream won't hurt.” I crossed my arms and closed one eye like a smooth operator.
“In my world, there was a fisherman who got his line caught in a tree. I immediately jumped to his aid, climbing it and freeing his line. Sadly, I took a tumble down into the lake below and passed out. But everything will be fine once I wake up.”
Suddenly I got another idea. I look a look around and started smiling again before looking my draconic body up and down.
“Wait, if I've realized this is a dream... that means I can do anything, right? Oh yeah, fuck this quest! I'm gonna fly out of here and go fight some monsters!”
Looking up at the sky, I jumped up with all my might. Moments later, my feet hit the ground again, leaving me dumbfounded.
“Fly!”
Second verse, same as the first. I crossed my arms and thought for a moment before walking over to a tree.
“Well let's try this, then. This is my dream, so I'm making myself super strong!”
I put both hands against the trunk of the tree, putting all my strength into lifting it. A couple of attempts later, I groaned out and let go of the tree.
“Nip.”
I jumped forward so fast I slammed into the tree. Mint had that weird, creepy smile on her face as she watched me rubbing the spines on the side of my head.
“Cool Mint, what the ever loving fuck was that?”
“Well, you're supposed to pinch or poke someone if they think they're dreaming.” She brought her hooves to her face and let out a sigh.
“And I got to experience the taste of my hero’s scales! Ah, what a truly fantastic experience.”
I spent a few moments staring at her in disbelief before it hit me.
“Wait, I felt that. I felt your bite. I... that can’t... then this is real?”
I turned around, fell back against the tree, and put my hands on my head. The shaking started not too long after. Eventually, Mint had to grab my shoulders and start shaking me harder.
“Hey! Hey! Snap out of it! Talk to me, hot stuff!”
Fun fact: hooves hurt when applied to the face, regardless of whether or not you have scales. I stared at my unicorn companion for a moment before shaking my head.
“This isn’t right. I fell into a lake and haven't come up yet. My friends are worried about me!”
“Hey!” Mint raised her hoof again, which instantly silenced me. “Dad said you came here for a reason, right? Maybe once you do what you came here for, you can go back?”
I just kind of fell face first into the grass. “He said I came here because of disaster, then immediately afterward said there was no disaster. Wait, dad?”
“Not yet!” Mint put her hooves in the air. “The clues at the ruins could lead us to an evil alicorn deity! A big... fierce manticore. Ooh, what if it's a malicious tentacle beast on the prowl for young mares!”
She wrapped her front legs around herself as I stood up. I thought about saying something, but instead just turned to the road again.
“Let's just go. Maybe I'll get some actual answers once we go to these stupid ruins.”
Once again, Cool Mint was so busy fantasizing that I ended up leaving her behind. By the time I looked back to see if she was actually there, I was too far to see her. I had now lost a unicorn... until I turned around.
“Ah! What? How? You were just over there!”
She put a hoof on her chest with pride. “Magic! The magic of unicorns! The magic of love! Magic is what it was!”
“...Yeah let's go.” I tried to make it as clear as possible that I would not be dealing with her nonsense.
It only took a few more minutes for the trees to slowly thin and disappear, leaving big, open field on either side of the road. Smoke was rising to our left. Following it took us to exactly what we were looking for.
The castle was massive, even with the huge chunks of stone missing from its walls. It had to have been even bigger, given that the entire roof and every rampart looked to have collapsed. Most of the ground around it was dead or dying grass, and some spots on the ground and castle itself were marred by scorch marks.
“Aaaah, intruders!”
The both of us turned our head to see an elderly horse dude pointing at us. He had on an electric pink robe with the hood up, but we could still tell how wide his eyes were.
“Get out of here! This is our property!”
I raised my brow and looked at Mint. “What's this guy's deal?’
“They're probably surviving members of Kepral’s old cult. They were malicious back in the day, but are pretty harmless, now.”
“You're looking for the castle, aren't you?” He shouted and waved his hoof accusingly.
“Uh....”
“You'll never find it!” After a pause, he looked back. “There it is....”
“Right. Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but I've got things to do.”
We started walking, but he came up behind us with the weirdest look on his face.
“I suppose I could let you in. If you give me the mare’s tail.”
“What?” Mint jumped up and clung to me, rubbing her face against me.
“What?” The sudden demand was enough to keep my attention off what Cool Mint was doing.
“Yes, it's a fine tail. Perfect for cooking into a stew to offer Lord Kepral.”
As he moved closer, I pushed myself in front of Mint.
“Not gonna happen. Weird as Cool Mint is, cutting off someone's tail and cooking it is weirder.”
The cultist had a surprisingly threatening grin on his face. The side of his robe flew up, and a floating knife came out from under it.
“If you won't give it, I'll just take it!”
He looked like he was about to lunge, but froze. Moments later, I heard Mint sniffing behind me. It wasn't too long after that that a putrid scent waved into my own nostrils, forcing me to cover my nose and back away.
“Aw hell, man! What the fuck is that?”
“Oh no! Oh god! Oh god no!”
The cultist looked back and dropped his knife.
“Shit myself... you win this round, weird dragon hero guy! Hiya!”
There was a bright flash of light, and he was gone. I pointed in the direction he was standing and looked at Mint.
“So wait... this Kepral guy had worshippers?”
“Well,” she tapped her chin, “He had the ability to mind control people. I guess those he had under his spell have become convinced that he was good. He did promise to make Equestria a better place.”
As I listened, I walked over and picked up that knife.
“And people honestly believed him?”
Mint shrugged. “By the time he started doing evil stuff, he'd won a lot of ponies over, actually.”
“Shit’s weird. C’mon, let's check out these ruins.”
The front door had caved in, but luckily there was a huge hole on the wall not too far away. The two of us climbed up a pile of rubble and hopped through it. We were immediately greeted by a huge and partially collapsed lobby of sorts.
Broken chandeliers still hung from the ceiling. The intact walls were decorated with torches that were still blazing with blue flames. There was a stone seat at the far end of the room with a door on either side of it and a large skull of... something above it.
“Drake, look here!”
Mint was pointing behind the throne, where the same smoke we saw outside was rising through the floor. There was a strong smell of some description when I got near it.
“Good find. I'd wager the source of this is directly below us. I'm thinking maybe the next floor or two down.”
The unicorn clasped her front hooves together and gasped. “Dungeon time?”
“Heh, yeah. I guess it is dungeon time.”
I took a look at the two doors. They both led to staircases, so I motioned for Mint to sit tight while I poked my head into one.
“The stairs go into the same place. Let's check this out.”
She nodded and trotted up to me. We both ascended the stairs and found ourselves in a short corridor. There were more still burning torches along it, and on the other side was the largest banquet hall I'd ever seen.
A fallen chandelier had split the long table in two, and a lot of the chairs were broken and splintered. There was a big counter near the back of the room with some shelves behind it. A couple of them were intact, and the rest were just rubble. There was a small door to the left of that counter where I assumed the kitchen was.
“Did this guy... have parties?”
Mint nodded as she poked around the broken table. “Like I said. When he showed up, he put up a front of being a really nice guy. I even considered offering him myself a few times....”
“Okay, okay, okay let's stop right there. Just looking for an explanation for the bar and banquet hall.”
“Stand back.”
I turned around to ask why and got my answer before I even could. Mint’s horn was surrounded in a light blue aura of sorts, and so was the chandelier. The unicorn moved her head to the side, and the glorified candle stick rose up, moved to the side, and slowly came down to the floor again. There were a couple of soft pings as it touched down, and suddenly a sweet aroma filled the air.
As I approached the chandelier, I saw a glint in the corner of my eye. A shining, blue gemstone was reflecting the little bits of natural light coming in through cracks in the walls. I lifted it up, gave it a sniff, and looked back at Mint.
“I have no idea why... but I really wanna shove this in my mouth hole and eat it.”
“I'd rather you shove something in my mouth hole. Anyway, dragons hoard and eat gems. How do you not know that?”
I slapped my hand against my face. “Haven't we established that I'm not a dragon?”
“I'm still processing that. Give it another half hour or so.”
I just kind of shrugged. “Anything once.” I bit down into it, and a wave of burning, searing pain shot through my mouth, making me drop the gem.
“Ow, fuck! Fire can't kill a dragon, what the hell was that? My mouth’s on fire!”
Mint came over and poked the stone with her hoof.
“That's not fire. That's pure dark energy. Evil power like this can actually sting and burn if you mess with it too much.”
“That's weird. Think we should take it with us?”
She nodded, lifted it up with her magic aura stuff, and put it in a bag I didn't realize she had.
“Where'd that come from?”
She pointed. “He doesn't need it anymore.”
When I looked over, I saw what was most definitely a horse corpse. Pony bones were rather different here than they probably were in my world. Upon further inspection, this poor sap had some kind of strap around them just big enough for my waist. Like Mint said, he didn't need it, so I nabbed it and slipped the knife I had under it.
“This is dark. But I guess we need to be prepared.”
We both resumed our search, with me slipping behind the counter to poke around. There were some shards of broken glass, bugs running around, and more rubble. Parts of the counter had crumbled, but a crucial bit was intact.
“Mint, come over here.”
As soon as she trotted over, I motioned to the inside of the counter. Against the wall on the end was a lever, which I grabbed. After a moment, she nodded, and I pulled it down.
We heard a huge clang to our right. Upon turning, we saw that a large section was rising up. A blue light flickered from inside the newly opened doorway. The two of us exchanged looks before I headed over to it and poked my head in the doorway. Several bats flew out of it and flew away to who knows where.
“Spooky. Alright, Cool Thirst, let’s get down here.”
She huffed at the name but joined me anyway. The staircase spiraled down a short ways and led us to another door. Before entering it, Mint put her ear up against it, and I followed suit... with whatever dragons had that let them hear.
There was most definitely someone or something behind the door. I could hear growling, but also some faint kind of chanting. The door was unlocked, too.
I grabbed the knife and slowly opened the door. Mint and I found ourselves now in a large room that was mostly empty save for something that looked like a well in the middle. The water was glowing and occasionally bubbled.
“Rama lama shama dama bama grama abalabadingdong....”
Another pink robed cultist sat before the well with her back to us. Now that I could hear it clearly, her chanting sounded more like gibberish than anything else. It must have been doing something, though.
The water began to rise in the center and fell back down, revealing some kind of ball. As her chanting got louder, wiry arms and legs sprouted from said ball, and it cracked across the middle about halfway.
It turned to face us, and that crack opened. It was a mouth, and its piercing, golden gaze fell upon us from in the back of it.
“Reee!”
Its scream echoed through the room. The cultist immediately turned around and I saw both sides of her robe flare out to the side.
“Intruders! You must be strong and clever to have gotten past Spearhead!”
“Seriously? That was his name?” I nearly groaned the words out.
Before Mint or I could say anything else, the monster thing screeched again and the cultist flew into the air. On wings. That I had just noticed.
“Okay these horses can have wings, too? What the hell is this world?”
The cultist sped towards me, but stopped in midair. Once again, that pale aura was around Mint’s horn. She sent the cultist into a wall, leaving me to deal with... whatever that thing was.
After another screech, it shot a dark blue laser at me. I barely managed to duck out of the way before trying to blow fire at it. Turns out I could breathe a lot of flame, but not very far. Luckily I knew about those lasers now. It opened its mouth and tried to shoot me again, but this time I slid to the side while charging me.
It started flailing and swiping at me when I got too close. I swiped my knife and ended up cutting one of the stick like arms at the elbow. As it screamed, purple smoke not unlike what we saw earlier began to rise out of the spot I cut.
As soon as it opened its mouth again, I jammed the knife right in the middle of that eye. The monster froze for a minute, raised its arm up, and ate the knife.
“Coffee!”
After that, it disappeared in a puff of that smoke. There was a tiny splash as something shiny fell into the water.
“Lala! You hurt my little Lala!”
She dove at us again. The cultist landed on Mint and began barraging her with slaps... or stomps, I guess. I thought for just a brief moment before charging in. Ponies were like humans in this world, and I really didn't want to kill one.
“Yah!”
With a distinct, wooden “thunk”, the cultist succumbed to my knife’s mighty handle and fell on the floor.
“My hero!”
Once she was up, Mint pressed a firm kiss on my cheek, forcing me to back away.
“Ah god, why? Please don't do that....”
My only idea was to hoist the winged horse up and sling her over my shoulder. Surely she'd come in handy. After that, I headed over to the water and grabbed what had fallen in.
“Mint, we've got another one of these gems. Heads up!”
She caught it with her magic almost as soon as I tossed it up.
“Drake, let's be careful. We shouldn't group too many of them together.”
“Right.” I took another look around before fixating on the well. I hadn't paid attention before, but there was something else in its reflection.
I looked up and saw something like a grate or vent on the ceiling. Something was giving off a faint glow from the inside as well.
“Hey, can you see if you can move this grate? I kinda don't wanna put this gal down in case she wakes up.”
Mint nodded and tried some of her magic on the grate. I heard a rattle, but it didn't budge.
“Doesn't seem like it, Drake. Whatever that is might be screwed or nailed to the walls around it.”
I put my free hand on my chin to think. Going through the door and back out was an idea. Given how much of this castle was busted up, it was probably best to find another route.
“Oh no! Drake! Drake, this is bad!”
I snapped out of it and turned to my unicorn companion. She was standing next to one of the walls, and it took me only a moment to realize what the problem was.
“Uh... where’d the door go?”
She shook her head frantically. “I don't know! We're trapped!”
She paused for a moment. Her left ear flicked before she turned to me. When she had closed the gap, she set her head against my chest and sighed.
“We're trapped. We’re going to die down here. I guess... our last moments should be our most intimate, right? Go on... just be gentle. Actually no, don’t.”
I pressed a single claw to her forehead and slowly pushed her off of me.
“Focus, Cool Thirst. Instead of fantasizing, let's see if there's any hints of a way... out.”
My nose began itching as Mint huffed. We both began scouring the room for anything signs of something other than four walls. My nose kept itching all the while, too.
“Hey Drake, I feel something. There's a spot that's cool right over here. Like a draft or something.”
I turned to where she was, and she was dragging her hoof down the wall directly across from me. I started walking towards her when the itching became too much.
I'd heard of milk and soda coming out during a sneeze, but never fire. I guess, with being a dragon, something like that was expected. The flames erupted out and right into the well in front of me. A small puff of steam rose up and through the grate. Not too long after that, we both heard sort of a rumble.
“Hmm. Let me try something.”
I took a deep breath and exhaled as much fire as I could towards the water. Turns out I was fairly good at keeping it going, too. It was almost like I wasn't actually exhaling. The water began boiling, and eventually a steady pillar of steam rose up into the vent above.
That rumbling go louder, and the light from the grate began to darken. Finally, the wall began to move. It started where Mint was and moved left, revealing another torch lit corridor.
“Well... I don't know how that works, but I ain't arguing.”
Mint let out a sigh. “I suppose I'll have to meet a blissfully pleasured end some other day.”
A short walk through the corridor took us to a large room with wooden crates and weapon racks lining the walls. In the center of the floor there was a large circle with glowing blue runes surrounding it. A line of runes extended out towards another wall, and both Mint and I followed it with our balls. Our eyeballs.
“Oh god, Drake, look at that....”
She pointed up and to a massive bust. The statue looked like it was attached to the wall. It was almost as if this room was carved out with the statue in mind. It was a massive beast with bulging chest and neck muscles, horns that spiraled all the way to the ceiling, and a bull like snout with four tusks jutting out under it. Purple smoke was pouring out of its mouth, too.
“Good lord, what is that?”
Mint slipped behind me, hiding under my tail as she shuddered.
“It's what Kepral looked like. Though... with more arm and leg. And tail. And wing.”
If there was more to say, I wasn't hearing it. The Pegasus began to stir and struggle. Kicks were flying like a martial arts movie, and I became intimately familiar with how a hoof to the nose felt.
Once I was on the floor, Mint tried to attack the cultist and got smacked in the face. With both of us down, she started cackling.
“Thank you so much for bringing me here! You may have killed my sacrifice, but now I've got something better.”
She grabbed a sword in her mouth, put a hoof on Mint, and held it over here.
“The tail of a pure maiden!”
She was kind of garbled by the handle in her mouth, but I could piece together what she said.
“She's anything but pure. Regardless,” I stood up and grabbed my knife, “I'm not about to let you cut off her tail.”
“Good.”
The cultist slung the sword at me. I managed to move out of the way, but she grabbed a spear shortly after and flew straight at me. She barely missed my head, and only did because of Mint grabbing the spear in her magical grasp.
She let go and grabbed another one. This crazy Pegasus started twirling the spear between all four legs and her wings. All the while, she was making all sorts of cheesy kung fu noises.
“A creature with no fingers should not be wielding a spear this well!”
The two mares were going at it now. Their spears clashed and clanged and made sparks that lit their faces just a little. Eventually the cultist cut open Mint’s bag and knocked her back. Before she could go in for another stab, I rushed forward and tried to knock the spear away from her.
“Gah ah ha! You!”
The cultist looked at her bleeding leg as the spear fell to the floor. I was ready for another attack, but she turned around instead.
“Wait... are those?”
Before I could react, she jetted forward and grabbed the two crystals off the ground.
“Haha! You idiots have brought me the other half of my ritual already!”
Just the word “ritual” was giving me bad vibes already. This feeling was only made worse when made a beeline for the statue. Mint had just gotten back on her hooves, and I couldn't make it to the cultist before she flew up to the statue.
She pressed her face against each of its pecs. I had to squint to see what she was doing, and then slapped my forehead.
“Really?”
The two crystals were poking out of little slots in the statue in the weirdest way.
“You could've had them in the eyes. You could've carved slots in the tusk or the forehead. But no. You gave him fucking crystal nipples.”
The cultist cackled and held her leg out over the circle. A single drop of blood fell onto it, and the runes began to glow.
“Drake... stop her! You have to stop her!”
Mint wobbled to her feet. As I surveyed the scene, I realized that something of some description was about to get summoned. I didn't have time to close the gap, and Mint was too dazed to use her magic right now. After another drop of blood, the circle glowed brighter, and I just prayed my aim was good enough.
“Coffee!”
The cultist swayed to the side and fell to the floor with my knife sticking out of her side. Luckily, she didn't land on the circle. However, I became acutely aware of one fact of nature that soon terrified me.
Blood is liquid. Liquid flows.
“Oh god, Mint!”
Her attempting to move the body told me she came to the same realization I did. It was too late, though. The blood was all over the circle, but soon disappeared. It was as if the floor was a sponge, soaking up the spill as the runes became blinding.
Moments later, the light faded and more purple smoke rose up around the room. A loud roar echoed out and the statue’s eyes burned a bright red. Though it was just a bust, watching it move was absolutely horrifying.
The statue fixed its gaze on us and practically screamed.
“Dragon! Dragon, dragon, dragon!”
It opened its mouth and pink, banana like objects flew out, exploding around me and Mint. Luckily, we were unharmed, but then it fired a green beam at us. There was a shield leaning against a wall, and I barely managed to grab it in time to block the attack.
I had to drop the shield almost immediately afterwards. The spot that got hit was still glowing and steaming after it hit the floor. It blasted more of those explosives at us, but a light blue barrier shot up between me and the statue.
“You'll never break this shield! It's powered by my love for my great hero!”
I sighed. “Of course you'd make it weird.”
Even with that, I couldn't just leave Mint to hold off for by herself. As I searched around, I found and grabbed the spear from earlier. I heard a cracking and looked to see that Mint’s barrier wasn't going to hold up my longer. With time of the essence, I tried to line up as quickly as I could and hurled the spear right at one of the crystal nipples.
The stone shattered when I hit it . Our enemy roared out and winced, closing its mouth. With no more bananas being shot at her, Mint was able to grab a nearby brick and smash it into the statue’s head. It was honestly kind of funny to watch its jaw crumble and fall off. I'm sure it would have started taking swings if it had arms. I frantically searched around, but couldn't find the cultist’s body. Luckily, there was a sword at my feet, which I promptly grabbed and slammed into the other crystal.
The beast still managed to roar and began wiggling around. It looked as if it were trying to pull itself out of the wall to get to me. Despite the struggling, it came apart piece by piece. Pretty soon, the only thing discerning it from a pile of rocks were the two glowing stones that had served as its eyes. Eventually that light faded, too. The smoke dissipated and I slipped the new sword into my belt.
“Quickest gear upgrade ever.”
“Drake, look!”
Mint was standing next to the spot where the statue once was. Embedded in the wall was a much bigger crystal than the other two we'd found. I stood over it for a second before tapping it with my finger.
“You think mayor mcDude man pants could tell us anything if we took this to him?”
“I mean, he might. We have to get it out first.”
I nodded and grabbed on to it. Cool Mint grabbed it with her wizardry nonsense and, I assume, started to pull with me. It was wedged in their very tightly. I eventually had to grab it with both hands and push against the wall with my foot. I heard something akin to the snap and crackle of electricity before the gem finally came out of the wall. I think I rolled halfway across the room, too.
“I did it!”
I held up the gem and Mint clapped.
“You did it!”
Sadly, our little celebration was cut short by a pile of stone bricks coming down between us. Looking up told us all we needed to know, leading us to bolt for the exit after exchanging looks.
Stones, pillars, bricks, and everything including the kitchen sink fell down around us. If the chandelier in the dining hall was still in one piece, we couldn't tell anymore. I know the table had been split into several more halves. Our entrance had been blocked off, but our exit was a new hole not too far away from it. The two of us lept through it just before the entirety of what remained crumbled to the ground.
Mint and I fell flat on our faces. We sat up, looking from the rubble to each other. After a short time, I just couldn't help myself. I started laughing, which made her start as well. She eventually threw her front legs around me, which was okay until she started rubbing her face against my chest. I had to push her away after that.
“What did you do? The whole thing has collapsed!”
Our laughter stopped as the two of us turned to where the voice came from. Those harsh eyes glared daggers at us, and her beak looked even more of a scowl than beaks usually do. She curled her talons into a fist and snarled at me.
“I should've known you were trouble when I first saw you in town. Do you have any idea what you've just done?”
The gryphon was practically on top of me before I could even stand up.
“Uh... a dungeon?”
She let out a furious groan and prodded my chest with a claw.
“Those ruins were housing a powerful artifact that I... needed... to....”
As she said the word “artifact”, I lifted the big crystal up in front of her. Listening to her trail off was kind of funny.
“You know about this?” Mint pushed herself between me and the gryphon as she said that.
Her eyes widened and she pinched the bridge of her nose. Well... she did a motion like that, anyway.
“You're telling me that you grabbed this crystal having no idea what it even was?”
I just shrugged. “We were going to take it to Mayor dude bro to see if he had answers.”
She let out a sigh. “At least we have the same destination. You're going to tell me everything, so let's get moving.”
She started walking, but I stood where I was and raised my brow.
“I was always taught not to walk with strangers.”
The gryphon turned and snarled again.
“I don't have time for wise asses.”
“Well... the easy way to fix this is to tell me your name. Hell, you demanded mine when I first saw you. It's only fair you give me yours.”
She rolled her eyes. “Eva. My name is Eva. Now come on before Smart Ass becomes your new name.”
With that, we all headed off towards Sarsnifall.
