I am alone

by Lucefudu

First published June 26th, 2012 14:44

Left isolated in this crimson space of nothingness.
Only the darkness keeps me company, but that is not enough.
I've observed happier folk that do not suffer like me- Why am I not one of them?
I wish my rage to consume over my boundaries.
I will soon bare freedom, and smother the galaxy with my bare emotion.
Then I will not suffer alone.
Emotion... will exist no more!

Chapters

Story

Story
View Online

I am alone

Story

I hate them...

With a gentle breath that coursed through me, bringing along the fires of life and the sharpness of the mind... With such simple gesture, I was. Fear was the first thing that ever coursed through my body. I already knew that he was something to be loved and feared at the same time. I felt my mind breaking, rippling with the knowledge I knew I didn’t know. I died. For many millennia, I’ve been reborn, only to be put out of my misery countless times. Still... I felt glad. Glad to be.

I hate them...

I was there then the Eldest first fell bored. I saw as he first contemplated about his second creation. I could not understand why at the time... but now I think I finally have the answer. I've felt it upon my own self when he decided to betray me. I saw him as he breathed life into nothingness. I’ve seen how he carefully set barriers that would stop all those who ever felt like being closer to the truth from finding it. I felt envy. They were like me... but... there was something different. Something more. I’ve felt it; while I was... They are...

I hate them...

I tried to fight back, but I knew it was useless; I was the one who did it. I cried both in shame and pain as he tossed me into the abyss of nothingness. But this time, I didn’t die. I stood there, silently watching his devious yet precise workings. I knew that, although bound by his will, I was still able to accomplish. I’ve contemplated acting every time he turned his back to them. Temptations... I had to fight them for long time. I had to silently watch; I couldn’t afford the luxury of doubt. I knew the time would someday come.

I hate them...

I was there when the Gods battled against each other, slaughtering themselves. All for their own selfish decisions. I’ve tasted selfishness before... and as much as I abhor it, I can do naught but to fall victim to the grand schemes and machinations silently operating behind the curtains. I know that selflessness does not exist. I know this because I’ve seen it. I know that deep inside every selfless decision, something greater is cleverly disguised within; happiness. I’ve watched as they all died, save for the three youngest. I was, for the first time, curious...

I hate them...

I’ve watched as this eldest turned sour. I was there when he finally decided to do it. I’ve crushed his heart with ease, turning him into something I knew would never be considered part of them any longer. I laughed as the two mourned over him, for they knew that he was forever gone. Their brother was their no more... I’ve made sure of it.

I hate them...

I’ve seen many kings and kingdoms fall. I mulled for the longest of periods about what compelled them to keep on. I cannot understand their reasons very well... Their emotions. But at the same time, it is all so clear to me. I’ve seen the fogs of doubt that enveloped their minds dissipate when one stood against many. Was it right? Was it wrong? I’ve watched as their children died. Famine... war... disease... I was there when their mothers screamed. I was there.

I hate them...

If everything in this universe converges to one single thing, why am I denied from it? What right do they have to keep me from the one thing that every single entity most desires? I feel and fear, like all, yet I chose not to reveal my weaknesses. Why? Why is it that this is so amusing to me? Why do I keep watching them?

I hate them...

I've seen as the Goddess fell to the darkness... I was there. I've seen how her heart almost turned into pure darkness. Almost... I’ve seen as the sister nearly did to us the unthinkable. I screamed in anger when she chose not to. I am currently astounded by how clever the Eldest was; for every piece present on his board there was always a move pre assigned to it. I’ve contemplated before what my moves are... What my moves will be. I have shuddered before this immense power more than once, and I know that I will do so again.

I hate them...

I’ve seen the worst of enemies reconcile. I was there when forgiveness was granted for the monster. I was there when weakness turned into strength. I was there to test them. I smirked in disgust when six stood against many. I knew that they were unaware that they were now standing before an army disguised into one. I begged for the Eldest to see what I was able to turn his precious puppets into. But he seemed to be one step ahead of me... once more.

I hate them...

I know that he was not pleased with what I had done. Yet, I do not know why he hasn’t come after me. Is it... fear? Like an angry foal, conflicting with himself on whether to discard his first toy in a fit of anger? To lose so many memories in a single unthought act... But I feel no anger surrounding me. There is something here... Someone. I just can’t see it. Is it... him? Has my time finally come? In frustration and denial I wallow for days... waiting for begging for my release from this prison.

I hate them...

I can feel the ties binding me finally breaking loose. No more will I tamper with the strings of his precise instrument... I will finally be able to crush it completely.

I hate them...

I feel my body overflowing with fear and relief. I feel... purpose...

I hate them...

I think I know what I must do.

I hate them...

I know what I must do.

I hate them...

I look down to them somewhat mesmerized.

I hate them...

Such beauty!

I hate them...

So insignificant!

I hate them...

I’ve watched from far away...

I hate them...

... for far too long.

I hate them...

And now I’ll be able to tackle them when they are most vulnerable.

I hate them...

I hate them for what they are!

I hate them...

I hate them for what they chose to be!

I hate them...

I hate them... for they are not like me.