Data. Doesn't. Lie.

by Syeekoh

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash
Length: 1055

Twilight rushes over to Rainbow Dash's house to tell her about some important data.

Rainbow Dash has been saving a lot of ponies lately.

This worries Twilight, because there used to not even be enough ponies to save on the schedule that Rainbow Dash saves them. So she runs some numbers and comes to a startling conclusion

Written for F**K THIS PROMPT #14

Published 2016-09-14 01:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-09-14 01:50:01 UTC

I mean, I'm pretty sure it doesn't. It doesn't have the mental capacity to, not being sapient. It's just numbers. Numbers can't think.

Twilight bit her lower lip as she stared at her computer, its lights flashing. It was currently crunching some data she plugged into it while doing light-flashy things. She picked up the tea next to her and took a measured sip.

She had almost fallen asleep before her computer made a sound like demons screeching and violently roused herself from her slumber as it shot out a roll of paper with lines and dots and other science things on it. Twilight groaned as she walked over to the computer and looked over the data, her eyes widening as she viewed further and further down the roll, gasping and dramatically dropping it as she reached the end. It was paper, though, so it just kind of wafted down anticlimactically.

A tight-lipped expression drew itself onto her face. “I have to tell Rainbow Dash.”

Rainbow Dash was roused from her slumber by loud knocking on the cloud door of her cloud home.

She groaned. “I’ll be there in a second!” she said as she rolled out of bed. She decided that whoever designed cloud doors to make loud noises when knocked upon should… well, actually, it was a pretty smart design feature but currently she found it really annoying. Rainbow trudged to the door and opened it to find Twilight Sparkle, whose eyes were wide. Her hot-air balloon was anchored to Rainbow’s front porch as she flashed a long sheet of paper in front of Rainbow Dash.

“Dash, you have to read this!” she said as she handed off the paper to Rainbow, who growled as she looked it over.

She studied it before lowering the paper and staring flatly at Twilight. “Twilight, this looks like a kindergartener’s art project.”

Twilight shook her head as she pushed Rainbow into her house and closed the door. “No, Dash, it’s data.” She leveled a glare at Rainbow Dash. “Science data.”

Rainbow handed the paper over to Twilight and rubbed her eyes. “Well, I don’t speak science,” she said as she sat down. “What does it say?”

“Well,” Twilight said as she paced around, “so you’ve been saving a lot of ponies, right?”

“Right.” Rainbow smirked. “I even saved a baby today.”

“And I distinctly remember there not being nearly as many ponies to save, so I was curious as to why there were so many ponies to save when there weren’t before, so I drew up some equations and fed them into my computer—”

Rainbow yawned. “That’s the thing that flashes and beeps, right?”

“Yes.” Twilight nodded, keeping up her pacing. “So I fed them into my computer around three and waited for the results.”

“Twilight,” Rainbow said as she scratched her side, “if it took that long, it sounds like you need a better computer.”

Twilight snapped her head to face Rainbow, her eyes slitted. “Rainbow, that computer is top of the line. It has a one megahertz processor.” Twilight took a deep breath and softened her features. “Sorry, I get kind of worked up over my pride and joy.”

Rainbow Dash yawned while shrugging. “Whatever, just get to the point. It’s two in the morning and I have a day full of saving ponies to get to.”

Twilight inhaled sharply. “That’s what I was here to talk to you about.” Twilight grabbed Rainbow Dash’s shoulders and stared her in the eyes. “The reason so many accidents happen is precisely because you’re saving ponies.”

Rainbow Dash blinked a few times. ”What?” She then gently removed Twilight’s hooves from her shoulders before giggling. “That isn’t possible. It doesn’t make sense.”

Twilight grasped the data in her magic, pointed at it with her hoof and stared Rainbow in the face cock-eyed. “Data. Doesn’t. Lie.” She then cocked her eyes in the other direction. “The more ponies you save, the more ponies are in danger.”

“I don’t understand,” Rainbow said like someone who doesn’t understand.

Twilight staggered around like a sailor who has imbibed too much yet not quite enough. “It’s simple. I have twotheories. Either the poniezh are getting more complacent and aren’t careful, or the univershe is somehow compensating for shumwun saving ponies and is causing more danger which will eventually plunge the town enter ear dross.”

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“Into chaos,” Twilight said as she looked Rainbow in the eyes as her own fluttered. “My bitsh are on the former.” She then missed a step. She wasn’t going anywhere, but she somehow managed to miss a step.

Rainbow flew over to Twilight and put a hoof on her shoulder. “Twi, you look beat. Why don’t you catch a few z’s here before you crash your balloon into Sugarcube Corner or something?”

“Not poshubul.” Twilight yawned. “If I fell asleep right now, my cloudwalking spell would—”

At that moment Twilight passed out and plummeted through the floor as her cloudwalking spell wore off.

“Twilight, no!” Rainbow Dash Rainbow Dashed as she pierced the floor of her cloud home to find her friend asleep in freefall. She’d have to pick up the pace to catch her, which she did.

The wind whipped around Twilight and Rainbow Dash, Twilight blissfully asleep and Rainbow’s heart pumping a mile a minute as she inched closer and closer to Twilight’s form resting in the land of Nod as it sailed into Ponyville’s airspace.

Rainbow Dash grimaced. If I save you Twilight, I’m never saving anyone again.

Twilight’s body fell past the treeline as Rainbow approached her. She fell past the roof of Sugarcube Corner before Rainbow swooped in and caught her, the sudden stop jostling Twilight awake as Rainbow carried her into the air. She smacked her lips, then looked up and smiled at Rainbow. “I thought I…” she said before yawning, “... told you to stop saving ponies.”

“Just shut up,” Rainbow Dash said curtly as she deposited Twilight in front of her home and whizzed off back to her home, the adrenaline causing her to shiver. I’m never saving anyone again.

Twilight wavered and waved at Rainbow. “Remember to, stop saving…”

Twilight hit the ground and started snoring in front of her library home, which was scientifically the best place to fall asleep right now.