The Conversion Bureau: The Palladium Wings

The Conversion Bureau: The Palladium Wings

Chapter 17

Dinner with the Captain

“Ponies!” The Albanian called. “The Captain wants you to accompany him for dinner.”

“Dinner with the Captain?” Rainbow Dash raised a eyebrow. “How do we know he’s not going to hurt us? Huh? Huh?”

“Captain Nikolaos isn’t that much of a savage outside the battlefield.” The Albanian replied.  “If he was a savage, he’d already have Shining Armor and Cadence’s heads impaled, but he made them vice-captains of this ship.”  He opened the cell door. “Our master engineer is a pony, our recon officer happens to be a pegasus.”  He looked at the ponies. “Your other friend, the orange one? She’s waiting for you with the Captain along with Twilight.”

They refused to move.

“What will convince you to come? Hmmm?”  The Albanian raised his brand new Imbel IA2, a red dot was placed on Rainbow’s head. “She’s a beauty, ain’t she? Rifles like her are a rarity, with Brazil a pony colony, the guns made by Taurus and Imbel fetch a high price. Lucky me.” Removing the pressure from the laser sight, the dot vanished.   “Now come, the Captain does not like when his guests are late…it is rude to keep him waiting.”

The followed the Albanian across the halls of the ship. A few humans were attending their duties while a few ponies began to hiss at them.

“Imperialists!” One unicorn wearing an overcoat draped on his body cracked. “Racists!”

“Look at them,” A pegasus hissed. “Her Majesty’s brutes…doing Mother Equestria’s dirty work...”

“Aye me stallion, these are Elements of Harmony…the loyal terriers and great persecutors of the human race.”  A rosewood stallion with crossed sabers as a cutie mark said. “What are you looking at lass? Never seen a defector before?”

“Slash Saber…” The Albanian groaned. “Not now.”

“Why did Niko bring these motherbuckers to his ship? This ship was fine until they were brought here and lo and behold, we have the most evil, perverted, and degenerate ponies in all Equestria.  Niko should execute them now but noooo…dinner with the Captain!? We should be chaining them up and throwing them off board.”

“We’re in the middle of nowhere, why the hell do we need chains for?” A Croatian crewmember asked.

“Shut up Slav, we need to throw them off board, their presence pollutes this ship.”

“Oy!” A Serbian accented voice cried out. “Slash, shut the hell up! I’m getting sick of hearing your voice.”

“Keep moving…” The Albanian walked.

“Yeah ! You keep moving you racist colonial bastards! What Equestria needs is a Nationalist movement! Expel the Newfoal! Power to us the Natives! Kill the Diamond and Gryphon immigrant! We don’t need them in our land!”

Reaching the mess hall, the Albanian pressed a hidden button. A portion of the wall opened up, revealing a secret elevator. “Step in and enjoy the ride.”

The ponies gave uneasy looks and stepped in. The elevator went up.

The door opened up.

Twilight, Applejack, Cadence, and Shining Armor were sitting, along with a man with sun-kissed skin and eerie green eyes.

“Welcome welcome, we have been expecting you.” Nikolaos said. “Please take a seat and enjoy the meal.”

The ponies looked down at the food offered on the table. It all looked tasty and of course, not a single trace of meat.

“What? Never seen Greek cuisine before?”  Nikolaos took a sip of his coffee. “Your cuisine is so bland and boring...all about hay and apples and pastries...it must be robotic really. If one really wants to win a war, know your enemies cuisine, it tells their weaknesses. Like pastries…high fats and sugars, target the sugarcane plantations and processing plants, watch the economy go into chaos. Prices go up and wages must go up, money becomes inflated to the point its worth nothing.” He got looks of doubt. “Economics, supply and demand, the basics.” He pulled out an AK-47. “In Africa, where bartering economies still exist, one Kalash for 15 cows, as the supply grows, the price goes down, now to 3 cows.”

“Poor cows.” Fluttershy commented.

“Ah don’t worry about it…there’s no good or bad anymore, just business.”

“No good or bad?” Applejack begged to differ. “What kinds of business is that? Who trades a cow for that thing you have?”

“Let me ask you this Dixie,” Nikolaos said poisonously. “If you lived in a part of a country that is locked in eternal war, where the soldiers come and steal your crop and livestock, rape your women, your daughters, or any family members, and they destroy your property, what are you going to do?”

“Tell’em to get out.” Applejack replied with a firm nod.

“Wrong answer.” Nikolaos countered. “Words won’t cut it, you get a weapon and demand they leave.” The AK-47’s bolt was pulled back several times, giving out the satisfying click of springs and metals.  “What you ponies see in this, you see the history of humanity in a single mechanical device made to fire a metallic slug at one another…but to a human who knows his history, this represents civilization. This, the gun, is an invention that has been praised and denounced. It made history and was responsible for the creation of tyrants and heroes, of armies and guerillas, or the one thing one uses to stand up to tyranny.”

“Are you calling the Princess a tyrant?” Rainbow got on the defensive.

“Was the forced conversion of the Middle East and Afghanistan  justified? Was the conversion of millions of Muslims justified?”

“Muslims are mean!” Pinkie jumped into the conversation. “They are loony, all they do is pray to a rock and think the words of some meanie should tell them how to live their lifes. And they don’t party, and they don’t smile.”

“So was it justified?” Nikolaos asked.

Pinkie couldn’t answer.

“It was justified, yes.” Twilight nodded. “They lived oppressed under the words of a dead man, a man who ordered to kill and enslave anyone who didn’t agree with them. What kind of religion is that? What kind of religion demands blood from anyone who is against the prophet? What kind of sane rational being believes in such a hateful little book!?”

Nikolaos shot back. “The same thing you said at the UN when you attacked the other religions. So we are supposed to bow down to Celestia and Luna? Does Equestria even have something as Freedom of Religion?”

“There’s the Old Believers.” Twilight said. “Ponies who still worship the 365 gods and goddess of old.”

“And let me guess, are they allowed to worship freely or are they discriminated?” Nikolaos raised an eyebrow.

“We let them be.”

“So then its right to allow the Old Believers to worship and us the humans, we can’t worship freely because our religions are evil.” Nikolaos took a bite of the food on his plate.  “But Celestia can’t see the actions of the genocide…for what? To help…are you even aware of what the Conversion Bureaus have brought into Equestria?”

“We are trying to help by erasing all the evil features of the human.” Rarity said.

Nikolaos burst into laughter, then his face became an icy cold, his jade eyes were giving off a sinister glow. Cadence began to shiver, afraid of that cold murderous expression.  “You think the conversions just…erase what they are?” He slammed a fist into the table. “You think that converting a human to a pony will force a smile into the soul?”

“Well yes…” Rarity responded.

“Wrong.” Nikolaos took a sip of his coffee. “Do you know what your Princess has unleashed into Equestria? I will tell you: She has imported not only good obedient citizens who will follow her laws, but also criminal elements. What elements? Rapists, anarchists, vandals, murderers, psychopaths, people with no morals in the absolute, megalomaniacs, those who lust for blood, arms dealers, greedy people who want everything to themselves, or the cruel warlords, or dangerous drug traffickers whose goal is to profit off selling drugs and create drug addicted ponies. Or what about Marxist revolutionaries who seek to bring Communism into Equestria?”

“Communism?” Twilight Sparkle blinked.

“No private property, no more social class, all production belongs to the state, they think your so called Princesses exploit the common pony to keep her fed.”

“The Princesses would never do that, she is…” Twilight was cut off.

“Tell that to the Russians in 1917, or the Cubans who owned the cigar factories and the workers, or the South Vietnamese who lost everything to Communism and your Princess Celestia brought them to Equestria and the Colonies.”

“He’s right…” Shining said. “Remember that whole Occupy Canterlot ordeal? All those angry Newfoals, spewing hate and saying the system is corrupted? What was all of that?”

“And then the Communist Party of Equestria.” Cadence said. “One of the party’s main platforms is the equal distribution of property and wealth through peaceful means or through an armed revolt and the eventual overthrow of the order.”

“Such system…” Nikolaos explained. “Is good on paper, but applying it? If I know history,  Stalin had to murder millions to achieve the perfect systems. Mao Zedong murdered millions of his fellow Chinese for the Great Leap Forward. And now Equestria has a Communist Party? How foolish Celestia is, she has brought what not even she can understand.”

“Is it a Party with balloons and streamers?”

Nikolaos laughed. “Oh no Pink One, it’s a political party. See, when a group of like minded individuals or in this case, ponies, share the same values and want to be represented in the government, they join a political party that will send leaders to voice the people’s concerns. But as I know, Equestria is a absolute monarchy and you haven’t been exposed to political parties and their values and their ideals for the ideal nation…like say…the National Socialist Party that once took over Germany long ago.”

Shining’s eye twitched at those three words. “Maniacs. Racists.”

“So you have a National Socialist Party of Equestria?” Nikolaos gave a grin. “Oh how wonderful, even the scum of Europe found a way into Equestria…”

“Those maniacs. How can they be so hateful?” Shining asked. “They spewed so much hatred, saying things like keeping the pony race pure, expelling the gryphon and Diamond Dog minorities and to add to that, they demanded Princess Celestia to add even MORE living space and demanded concentration camps for all non-Equestrians to be systemically killed. What insanity is this!? Tell me what kind of insanity is this?”

Nikolaos smiled.  “It’s what Celestia tried to get rid of but instead, it found a way to your country.” He pulled out his pistol and twirled it. “She may force a smile on the soul, but the mind of the Newfoal is still the same…only in a different body, it adapted those beliefs to the new host society and body. The importation model, all experiences such as making friends, beliefs, anything before a human became a pony is now imported to the colonies or Equestria. Like say…the self-proclaimed pony warlords in various parts of Africa and the Middle East colonies.”

“Or the Mafia Families of Manehatten, or the gangs of Baltimore, or the MS-13 which is all over Equestria.”

“MS-13?” Rarity raised an eyebrow.

“Mara Salvatruchas, a Central American gang back then. Curious how they managed to find a way into Equestria.” The Greek looked at Shining. “Tell me Shining, you ever fought Newfoals belonging to the MS-13 gang?”

Shining nodded. “They are insane, they can take a beating, and what’s scary is how their coats are inked with gang symbols or affiliation.”

“Any crimes?”

“Rape, vandalism, possession and distribution of narcotics, assault, burglary, blackmail, arson, heck, they even set a noble’s manor on fire.”

“Ah remember them now,” Applejack clicked. “Those ponies set half an orchard on fire if we didn’t pay’em protection moneh.”

“And they trashed the Sugarcube Corner.” Pinkie fumed. “Big meanies.”

“They threatened rape Fluttershy and me if we didn’t do what they demanded.” Rarity added.

Nikolaos took another bite of his meal followed by a slurp of his coffee. “Interesting…so most of Equestria’s crime is done by the Newfoal.”

“Baltimare, a Gryphon-Equestrian was lynched by a mob of Newfoals, which then proceed to attack and loot all Gryphon owned businesses, they even set their houses on fire.” Shining said. “They all said to kill them all, they are not ponies.”

“The living dead, of course, they are the living dead.” Nikolaos bursted out. “WE are the LIVING DEAD!”

The ponies trembled.

“What?” Twilight looked at the man.

“What’s the difference between the dead and the living dead?” Nikolaos asked.

“They don’t live?” Pinkie gave a innocent answer.

The man opened his overcoat, revealing various models of pistols. Holstering his Tokarev, he pulled out a P210 and brought it to eye level. “The difference is…that the living dead know when death is near. All the privateers and mercenaries, all the criminals running lose in Equestria and her Colonies. You see, fear clouds your eyes and makes you afraid of what’s ahead. It makes you quiet and shy, you’re so open to them and they might even try to have their way with you... just like how Fluttershy was threatened to be raped by a MS-13 Newfoal…they know she is weak and defenseless, but they, they do not have any sense of fear or worry or seeing some kind of retribution against them.”

He sipped some more of his coffee. “Same with me. I was born into a world of chaos, death, violence, and misery. I have seen it before Equestria even came.”

“So you’re not afraid of dying huh?” Rainbow asked. “Not even a single bit?”

“I am the walking dead, they are the walking dead, we as a whole are the living dead.” The pistol was twirled several times.  “We are thrown like dice, into a world where the odds are always against us. Me? I was born unwillingly into misery and violence, no one has a say who will be your parents and what kind of life you will born into. It’s the Lottery of Life, we are just random numbers thrown out there without a why or how. No explanation, no reason, yet we look for those two things.”

“But that’s why the Princesses came to help you, to smile and be happy.” Pinkie responded.

“And yet look, Equestria has not benefitted from the Newfoals at all. Sure she may have new citizens to obey her laws, but she has also brought the things she wanted to erase and yet it still found a way. Misery, violence, destruction, chaos, the ideas of racial hygiene and supremacy, radical ideas from the books of dead men who still have legacies and their ideals live within those who were exposed to them.” Nikolaos racked the slide of the pistol.  “The human condition is too chaotic and unpredictable, even for you ponies.”

“Then why hasn’t Discord…” Twilight was interrupted.

“Your Discord, this spirit of chaos, if enough chaos is done, he’d be released, but he has not, he knows what goes outside his stone prison and he must be fascinated with the chaos the Newfoal brought, but he must be commenting about the pleasures the Newfoal imported such as drugs and vandalism, these new ideas such as overthrowing the current government through a armed revolution, or the destruction of the family unit, it’s wonderful, it’s the ultimate manifestation: Chaotic Evil.”

“Lie! Cheat! Steal! Rape! Destroy! Send everyone who opposes you straight to Hell! The world is an oyster! Suck the tender part out, the good part and all what’s left is the shell. Spill the blood of the innocent and strike terror and fear into their hearts. Murder to your heart’s desire. Be persecuted and die a martyr and be remembered to them as a villain of the most unspeakable evil, but to your group, be remembered as a hero who died under their weapons. Start a war, fan its flames and watch as the war consumes resources and both sides lose everything.” The Greek said with a unnatural voice.  “Harmony is a lie, there is only pleasure. There is no good or bad, there is no left and right, there is no black and white…only the middle, the grey, the third path.”

“That’s horrible!” Twilight exclaimed.

“You don’t understand the human condition and you never will.” The man twirled the pistol. “But if you want my view on the human condition, it is this: Shit out of luck and go with my vision. Right on the power, light on the fire. And with a weapon…. I have it all.”