C-RAM in Equestria

by Chicken Goddess

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Changelings, Original Character, Random
Length: 1273

A salesman lands the biggest contract of his life

On the afternoon that Princess Cadence is set to marry Shining Armor, a saleman from General Dynamics woos a crowd of Equestrian officers with a weapons demonstration.
A Fix-Fix written for FTP:14!

Subject to editing after the contest is over.

Co-author: Bloons3. Make sure to follow him if you liked this fanfic, it wouldn't be possible without him!

Published 2016-09-14 16:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-09-14 16:00:01 UTC

Chapter 0

The General Dynamics contractor stood in the sun, his suit uncomfortable and hot in the summer heat. He didn’t quite fit in, a tall biped amongst a crowd of small equines in armor. He reflected on how exactly he had gotten into this situation.

To his direct manager, it had been simple. Travel to Equestria, and sell the ponies on a very expensive weapons platform with a generous service contract. The ponies would get a major deterrent for any nation looking to attack them, and General Dynamics would be raking in the money for several decades to come.

So far, the day hadn’t been going the best. There was a wedding between a high ranking Equestrian officer and a government official, so many of the higher up officers were attending the ceremony. That cut down on the numbers of officers that he could impress, cut down his chances of finding the perfect war horse to that he could saddle down with a nice long ten-year contract with options to renew.

Adjusting his tie, he took to the podium and started his spiel.

“Good afternoon ladies and gentle-stallions. Today I have quite the treat for you. Now I know that all y’all gotten a bit bored packing down them thar, hors d'oeuvres, so us gentlemen at General Dynamic thought that we’d give y’all a bit of a show to polish off lunch with.”

Laying it on a bit thick with the accent there Clive, he thought to himself. Gesturing behind himself to the massive rotary cannon on a trailer, he continued his sales pitch.

“What I’ve got behind me here is a land based Phalanx weapons system. Now it’s a twenty millimeter vulcan cannon designed to engage and destroy indirect fire threats like mortars, rockets, artillery shells. No matter what your enemy throws at this platform, it handles it, and it handles it good. The cannon fires about seventy-five rounds a second, 20-millimeter-high explosive. It’s a very capable system. We actually borrowed type of platform from the United States Navy. Same system they use on their vessels to protect from missiles, boats, and aircraft.”

He checked the crowd around him. Still drowsy, still a bit sedate. Time to lay on the big guns and get them chomping at the bit.

“Now y’all might be thinking to yourselves, ‘Why would Equestria need this platform? I’ll tell you why. It’s a big scary world that y’all’ve yourselves in. Lots of countries who don’t care for the United Nations, who don’t really follow international mandates. Some of them might get the idea, that since y’all still fight with spears and plate armor, that y’all can be taken advantage of. Now us good ‘ol boys know that ain’t the case. I’ve seen your guardsmen fight, and they fight damn good. But, a weapons system like this, goes a LONG way for deterrence. Russia, China, North Korea. If you’ve got this platform, then none of those countires would even THINK of coming up here and setting up shop.”

Still drowsy. Time to call in the field artillery.

“Now, who wants a demonstration?!” he asked to the crowd. He pulled a radio from his pocket and spoke into it. “Alright boys, let her rip!”

With a deep, feel in in your bones, kabumf, the mortar team 3 miles back got into action, lobbing their stock. To be fair to the ponies, they were real soldiers, and they were launching real mortar shells, except that these shells had no fuse and no explosive. Instead they were filled with gasoline. What the ponies didn’t know wouldn’t exactly hurt them, but it would make for one hell of a fireworks show.

In the blink of an eye, the Phalanx sprung to life, rotating, seeking, and locking onto the incoming rounds.

“Whoop! Whoop!” the klaxon screamed. “Incoming, incoming, incoming! Whoop! Whoop!”

Still though, the C-RAM held its fire. The contractor knew what it was doing. Interlocks prohibited It from firing if any friendly aircraft were in the sky, or if the incoming munition wasn’t coming at them. All flights in the area had been grounded or diverted, and the mortar had been angled to come straight down on their heads. Interlocks satisfied, the cannon sprang to life.

Brrrrttt!

Brrrrttt!

Brrrrttt!

With three bursts all three shells were targeted and eliminated, turning to fireballs in the sky. The gathered Equestria military officers oohed and ahhed at the impressive spectacle.

The salesman didn’t waste a single moment before he got right back into his spiel.
“Impressive ain’t it? With the deployment of the Phalanx in key positions across guardposts, you will create for yourselves an air-exclusion zone. No one without your express say so comes through. Provided that-“his next words were cut off.

The klaxon rang out again, a quick barrage of two-tone notes. “Incoming, incoming, incoming!” The Phalanx was seeking a target!

What the heck? That’s not supposed to happen! Looking behind himself, he saw the Phalanx twisting and turning, obviously trying to lock onto something high up in the air. The man looked up, and what he saw surprised him. Since he’d started speaking, the pink shield over the city had gone from absolutely pristine to being battered by fierce looking black creatures. He turned back to face his audience, who at this point were stampeding to arms.
Standing at the podium as he was, he was shocked when an older general (judging by how many medals were dangling from the stallion’s jacket) accosted him, screaming. “When they get through, you fire that thing!”

The salesman was still in shock. “I can’t do that! I’m not allowed to! We only set it up for the demo!”

“You can and you will! If you want the contract you will!” With those parting words, the stallion leapt from the podium and started running towards the city, eager to join the soon starting battle.
In a haze, the salesman walked over to the operator’s console. The technician manning it looked at him in worry. The cannon continued to jerk from airborne target to airborne target, the in-built radar hunting and seeking. “What’s going on boss?”

“Good news and bad news. Equestria is at war and we just sold them their first defense system. Set it to automatic.”

“Sir?” The technician’s eyes were wide.

The salesman repeated himself more slowly, not even believing that the word were coming out of his mouth. “This system belongs to Equestria, and they are under attack. Set the C-RAM to automatic. Hunt and kill.”

The technician’s face turned grim. “Aye sir.” He turned his arming key and within moments the cannon spun up and started firing in a continuous roar.

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrtttttttttttttttttttttttttttt!

Stumbling out of the control room, the salesman was deafened by the roar coming from the gun. Instead of the chop-chop-chop bursts that it had been firing, it was now just spraying fire indiscriminately into the air, spinning to and fro, directing a spray of death upwards.
He stumbled into a sitting position in the grass, amidst the ruin that his presentation had turned into. The tables of food spilled, the chairs in disarray, even the speakers had been trounced.
He’d sure as hell made the sale, and he’d sure as hell made the contract, but at what costs? He wasn’t a war-man. He wasn’t made for this. As bits of chitin and green blood rained down from above, he took his head in his hands and started to cry. What had he just done? He’d made the sale, but what had he just done?

Author's Note

For some random contest I never signed up for