Choose Your Waifu!

by Jay David

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Sonata Dusk, Coco Pommel, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Pie Sisters, Comedy, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie
Length: 1269

Pinkie hosts a waifu-choosing gameshow

Welcome to "Choose Your Waifu!" In this grand game-show, our host, the energetic Pinkie Pie, will present our latest contestant with four beloved waifus, and by the end of it all, one of them will be chosen...hopefully!

Will our hapless contestant strike it lucky? Or will he just keep going on about how we kidnapped him to be here tonight?

Published 2016-10-05 06:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-10-05 06:30:01 UTC

Choose Your Waifu!

The grogginess in your head began to subside as you finally and slowly started to open your eyes. Immediately, fear gripped you as you saw your predicament. Sitting upon a wooden chair with your arms bound to your sides by rope, you struggle to break free, only to find that such exertions are of little use. In the midst of your efforts, a voice calls out from the darkness.

"Mares and stallions! Fillies and colts! Welcome to another episode of..."

A light burst onto the scene, and you shut your eyes tightly for fear of being blinded. But it soon subsides, though your expression of confusion does not change when you hear the final words of the sentence.

"...Choose...Your...Waifu!"

The scene before you is bizarre and unnerving. A studio, with lights and decorations very much akin to the kinds of cheesy 90's game shows you enjoyed watching back when you were younger, although your current bindings didn't really help you get in the mood for it. Beside you, finally coming into your line of sight, is a happy pink pony, bouncing around like today is the best day of her life.

"As usual, we have a new contestant today! Give em a round of applause, everypony!"

There was a loud wave of clapping noises all around you, but when you squint your eyes you see that there is nobody there in the seats. It's just you and this pink stranger, who now turns to you with a smile.

"Why don't you tell the good folks at home what your name is?"

And it is here that your patience finally reaches its end.

"Who are you?! Where am I?! Why have you brought me here?!"

The mare titled her head.

"Huh, that's a weird name. Kind of a mouthful."

To your surprise, a literal light-bulb appeared above her head, prompting her to smile even wider. As the mare threw the bulb to the side, she turned once more to her non-existent audience.

"Well, folks, today I give you...Anon!"

Again, there was riotous applause, though again, you did not smile.

"Let me go!" you call out.

But the mare merely giggled.

"Silly! You just relax and let Auntie Pinkie take care of things!"

Pinkie looked away from you, bouncing to the side slightly before pointing off-stage.

"Now, lets bring our lovely waifus for today!"

A look of further confusion crossed your face.

"Wha...what the heck is a waifu?"

She turned to you and shrugged her shoulders.

"Dunno. But it sounds cute and cuddly, so that's what we've got. Some of the cutest, cuddliest ladies in all the world!"

A trotting sound alerts you to the arrival of the promised newcomers, and you look over to see a group of three other mares, as well as one human-looking individual, all make their way onto the stage. Each of them took their respective seats, bearing looks of both nervousness and excitement. Pinkie waltzed over to them, smiling widely as she yet again addressed her "audience".

"And here we have them, folks! So, ladies, why don't you introduce yourselves?"

The first, a yellow pegasus with a pink mane, went first.

"Oh, my name is Fluttershy. I enjoy taking care of my animals and enjoy long walks in the woodlands."

Pinkie giggled.

"Lovely! And next up?"

The second mare, an earth pony with cream fur and a short blue mane, spoke next.

"Well, my name is Coco Pommel. I work in fashion and am currently trying to get a new line of dresses to be noticed by the big names of Manehattan."

Pinkie nodded.

"Cool! Next?"

The third, another earth pony, this time with grey fur and mane, looked like she wanted to speak, only to stop. Instead, she bore a deep blush and looked down at the ground, prompting Pinkie to rush over and place a hoof tenderly upon her shoulder.

"She's a little shy, so I'll give you the basics. This is my sweet sister, Marble Pie. She and the rest of our family work on the Pie family rock farm. She enjoys helping out our Mom and Dad, and looks forward to the day when she can meet that special somepony...wink wink."

You roll you eyes at this, but look onwards again as Pinkie approached the fourth contestant, a blue teenage-looking girl with a ponytail.

"And you are?" she asked.

The fourth choice cleared her throat before speaking up with a sweet looking smile.

"Oh, I'm Sonata. I'm a Siren who was once banished from Equestria because me and my sisters were trying to take over the word, but then we tried taking over this other world where we got beaten again by this other girl band and..."

She would have probably gone on forever, had Pinkie not chosen that moment to cover her mouth with her hoof.

"Wow, that sounds really interesting, but we are on a tight schedule here, Miss Sonata."

The blue Siren huffed, sitting back into her chair and folding her arms in a grumpy-looking manner. As for Pinkie, she turned to you once more, happily walking over before addressing you in that bubbly and energetic manner of hers.

"Well now, Anon, there are your choices. So now, it's time for you to..."

Taking a deep breath, she let out her declaration in that overly-dramatic game-show-host way that one would expect of somebody in her current position.

"...Choose...Your...Waifu!"

You narrow your eyes, gazing from the four contestants, then back to Pinkie.

"Wait...that's it? No other questions, no games or...anything?!"

Looking back to you, Pinkie snorted.

"Pfft! Nope! We're efficient on this show!"

Again, she smiled widely.

"Better answer quick! Or else you lose!"

Though every part of your being, or at least the sensible part, told you to just not take part in this, to ignore everything she said and refuse to play her game, it was as if some other character suddenly took hold. Suddenly, you were that person again, sitting at home screaming at the TV screen over what choice to make and who to pick. That feeling, that need to actually take part and get involved in this nonsense, swelled up in you, forcing your mind and body to act against all rational thought. You looked over at them, at the four waifus presented to you, and you knew, in your heart, exactly what needed to be said. You took in a deep breath, opened your mouth to give your answer, and...

"Ooh! I'm sorry, everypony! But it looks like we're out of time!" Pinkie declared.

Your eyes widen to the size of dinner plates.

"WHAT?!"

But Pinkie merely giggled.

"But don't feel bad! It was a good try!"

"But...but...but...but...," you tried to get out.

However, Pinkie blocked your words by placing her hoof upon your mouth.

"Ah ah! Let's not be a sore loser now! Besides, we have next week's episode to look forward to!"

Turning to her "audience" once more, Pinkie smiled, oblivious to you as you tried looking past her to try and get a word in. And at the end of it all, all you could do was slump your shoulders down in a clear gesture of defeat as the happy mare let out her final words.

"I hope you all enjoyed the show tonight, folks! We'll be back next week with even more...Choose...Your...Waifu!"

The darkness swept over the scene as the lights went out all around you, and as you once more found yourself in this utter silence, you can't help but let out a groan of annoyance.

"Ugh! That's it! No more drinking before sleep!"