Non-Confessing Confession
Celestia sighed as she paced her bedroom floors, "Discord, there's something I need to say to you. Something...I meant to say from the day your reformation began," She started to the only other occupant in the room, "No, that's a lie. I've wanted to say it to you before then, since the moment I found out you originally broke free," She paused, steeling herself for this, "Discord...I forgive you."
"..."
Celestia groaned as she flopped onto her bed, abandoning all pretense of grace. Philomena looked at her oddly, cocking her head at the action. "Oh, Mena, he'd laugh up a storm before I even got half of that out. Worse, he'd never believe me, after all this time," She said sadly, her phoenix crooning softly in a show of support and sympathy.
There was one thing she never told Twilight and the rest of the Element Bearers in regards to Discord. Well, many things, really, but this was how their hostile relationship began. Why she seemed to lose her cool around him when he first came back- she thought she had been ready for that potential reunion, but she had been wrong…so very wrong.
The truth, or part of it, was that Celestia had been young and blind with anger and hate at the time, her little sister believing her every word back then. After a thousand years of solitude, she came to the realization of the source of one problem, one that caused many others, and the solution was something she had have to swallow her fear for and spit out.
She had to forgive Discord. And, in truth, she had forgiven him in her heart. But it was just so hard to actually say! How could she just...just apologize after everything...everything they had done to each other?
Little did she know, but elsewhere, said Draconequus was having a similar internal debate, though of a different vein…
"Celestia...I...I know you don't understand why I did it and you might not believe me. But I assure you, I had good reasons for it. I didn't have time to think about how my actions might affect you or Luna, however. I forgot that, for that moment, whatever they did or were going to do, they were very important to you...so, I'm sorry."
"...No, I still don't think she'll be happy with that," His shadow said to him.
"Oh, shut up. Like this isn't difficult enough already..." Discord snapped at his shadow.
"Just pull the Band-Aid off, ya big pansy," Shadecord countered with a huff.
"Oh, like she'll believe me...she might not even care," Discord said with an eye roll, "I took away her parents and made her an orphan..."
"After her parents tried to have you killed," His shadow pointed out.
"Please! You think she or Luna for that matter, is really going to believe her "oh so gracious and wonderful parents" could have possibly tried to have a child, even me, killed in cold blood!?" Discord snapped at himself.
"Well, she let you out and tried to have you reformed. She must think something good of you..." His two-dimensional doppelganger reminded.
Discord sighed, "I suppose I can't argue with that, but...I can't afford to lose her. She's the only one for me, the only mare as wonderfully chaotic and crazy as I am."
His shadow blinked...not that anyone could notice, "What about Pinkie Pie?"
"Oh, she's small time. Not like Celestia...what's more insane than trying to properly combine three separate species of ponies who'd been bitter enemies into one community?! Or the fact that she managed to succeed?!"
The two ancient beings sighed from dimensions apart and said the exact same words, "I wish there was a way I could just tell her/him how I feel..."
They both lay in their respected positions, staring forlornly at nothing.
A light bulb went over both their heads as they had the exact same idea, "I need to write a letter!"
Meanwhile
"My Dear Cadence
I write this to you not as a fellow princess but as a friend. I am in need of your advice on a personal matter that I have been trying to resolve for a long time with little success. As the Alicorn of love, I hope you might give me some advice.
I once had a friend, Cadence, who I failed more than I have failed any other in my long life. That failure has haunted me more and more as time drags on.
He was forced to do something terrible to survive, something that he had no desire to do. In my own anger and grief, I blinded myself to the truth of the matter and instead of being there for him, I railed against him. I cursed him and my misplaced hatred sent him down a dark path, where we both injured each other greatly, both in body and in our hearts.
I've long since come to realize the errors of my ways, Cadence. It was, without a doubt, the worst mistake in my life and quite possibly the root of so many other problems for myself and my kingdom. But even knowing that, it took me time to let go of my hate. I have since tried to make it up to him and he no longer appears to hold active resentment for me, but...I find myself having difficulties apologizing to him directly.
It's not that I don't want to say sorry, but...after all I've done to him and all he's done in retaliation, I don't even know how to properly say it.
I love him, Cadence. Even if he never forgives me or returns that, I can't bear to leave him with a single doubt that I do not hate him anymore.
Hoping for your Reply,
Celestia"
"Dear Princess Mi Amore Cadenza,
I know you prefer Cadence and all that, but I wasn't sure this would get past the front door without some formality to it. Bleh!
I'm sure you remember me, the charming Draconequus known as Discord.
...
Okay, fine, I'll cut to the chase.
Cadenza, Cadence, Cady, PC-
Okay, okay, I'll stop!
Look, I...don't actually know how to say this. There is...someone I know who, before my reformation...well, let's just say I did something that really hurt her. This isn't the usual thing where you think I did it for shits and giggles. This was something I legitimately had to do, something that...I might not still be here if I hadn't.
Even though I expected it, it hurt so much to hear her hate me. Curse me. Forsake me to Tartarus and beyond. And despite what I had done to her, how much I knew it hurt her, I could only think...how I trusted her…trusted her to not hate me, to not leave me alone, to...to be my first friend. But through it all, I couldn't bear to tell her WHY I had to do it...because I didn't want to hurt her any more than I already had.
Recently, after a LONG time of us hurting each other, she seems to...well, even I wouldn't presume "forgive" is on the table. But we're not at each other's throats anymore and the air is often friendly-ish, I suppose.
Look, long story short, I'm trying to apologize to the first and only mare I've ever loved for ruining her life and for me existing in the first place! Happy?!
...Cadence, please help an old fool at least treat an old wound. If nothing else, so she and I can both move on...
Here's hoping,
Discord"
Cadence sat on her crystal throne, looking over the two letters that had arrived at nearly the same time. Her eyes were wide at the meaning behind them. Tossing aside what supposedly horrible thing Discord had done to Celestia...they were both in love and secretly very much hurting over their guilt towards one another. It was like an ancient tragedy of love, right before her very eyes and under her nose this whole time.
Shining Armor looked over and read briefly over her shoulder, "How often do you get letters like that, dear?" He asked curiously.
"Far more often than I care to admit," Cadence replied, before looking thoughtful. An Alicorn's power was in direct proportion to the relevance of their specialty. Celestia and Luna were consistently powerful as a result, with their orbs constantly circling the planet. However, Cadence had limited abilities of her own...until love got involved. As soon as that potent emotion entered the arena, she was exceptionally strong...and had a plan forming.
"You're going to be busy for a bit, I take it?" Shining inquired with a grin.
"Yep. Going to trap them in a little pocket dimension with each other. Assuming they really do care about each other like they say, the power from that will counter even Discord's might until they confess...I'll be back in time for dinner, dear," And with that, she was off...
Meanwhile
"Well, I should have seen this coming," Discord said, floating in what looked like an endless sky of a soft, golden orange color with clouds coated in a light shade of pink, "I start opening up and next thing I know, I'm getting backstabbed and pocket-trapped," He mused darkly, scowling as old feelings stirred in him, "Well, Cady, you're a thousand years too young to even step in my general direction, let alone make something to keep me impr-"
"Discord?"
All dark thoughts and contemplations of revenge went up in smoke at that voice reaching his ears. Oh how good it was to hear her say his name without the heat of hate or the sting of anger.
He paused only briefly before turning to her. She was standing on a cloud, staring at him in confusion and surprise, "Is this place your doing?" Celestia asked slowly as she walked along the fluffs of pinkness.
"Hardly. You can blame your niece for that one. Seems she's trying some kind of coup," He commented with a scowl firmly on his face.
"Cadence?" Celestia voiced in surprise.
"No, Bloodblue got a sex change. Of course Cadence," Discord answered with an eye roll.
"I find it hard to believe that Cadence would play her hoof at treachery, Discord," Celestia scolded lightly.
"Was that a dig at me?" Discord asked with a raised eyebrow.
Celestia raised an eyebrow at that as well before going wide-eyed, "No, Discord, I'm not trying to insult you," She said solemnly, looking down, "I don't hold siding with Tirek against you. It took that for the girls and me to see that we were using Fluttershy's friendship with you like a leash and a Sword of Damarecles. That's not what a friendship is supposed to be."
"Yes, yes, lovely speech," Discord said dismissively or trying to sound so, as he turned away, "Now, perhaps we should focus on finding a way out of this little cupid-breeding ground before I barf hearts and chocolates," He suggested.
Celestia suppressed a sigh at that and nodded, "Yes, you're right," She admitted, making Discord blink, not that she saw it.
That was the first time in ages that she agreed with something he suggested, "...Right. You check the sides, I'll check below and above," He suggested as he sank through the clouds, down to lower levels of the still empty skies.
Celestia sighed freely once he left before heading to do her part...
Two Hours Later
"...Your niece somehow made an impenetrable pocket dimension..." Discord said, a small tone of awe in his voice. "How? I am the Spirit of Chaos for bucks safe! Sans Harmony, nothing should be able to hold me!"
"Well...if her powers are involved, then maybe she could hold even you," Celestia pointed out.
"Oh?" Discord mused, stroking his beard, "Well...if I fought you on the sun or Luna on the Moon, I probably would have some trouble. Still, what did she do to get this much power? Did she supercharge this thing after an all-nighter with Armorboy?" Discord asked in annoyance.
Celestia blushed lightly at his meaning, for a moment, but fought it off, "Perhaps...or perhaps it's powered by love as well."
"Hmm?" Discord asked, taking a moment to add the points together, "Ohhoho! Has Sun-Butt finally gotten off her pedestal and graced a colt with her interest?"
"Discord...," She scolded with a weak, embarrassed glare.
"Sorry, only Fluttershy can pull that one on me. Sometimes Twilight," Discord said with a smirk.
"Why do you assume it's me? It would seem more likely to be your feelings fueling this place if you can't break out," Celestia deflected.
"HAHAHAHA!" Discord laughed, not noticing, or pretending not to notice, how she wilted a tiny bit, "Now that's a good one, Celly! Me, Discord, in love with somepony? HA! Now that's the best joke you've told in ages," Discord said with a smirk.
"And why would that be hard to believe?" Celestia asked, hiding her sorrow with confusion and curiosity.
Discord rolled his eyes as that and looked away, "Obviously someone can't be capable of being IN love if they're incapable of being loved themselves," He answered bluntly.
Celestia went wide eyed at that, "Discord, you are loved, you know that," She said with a scowl.
"Yes, but we're talking about Cadence's domain, not Twilight's," Discord said with a shrug, "Don't get me wrong, I love Fluttershy and the girls, in my own way and they mostly return that, but I've long since figured out the more amorous kind Cadence deals with isn't something I get to have," He explained.
"Why would you ever think that? Discord, everyone is capable of being loved and loving in return!" Celestia asked in shock.
"I tried it once, Celestia, and it pretty much ruined both of us," Discord answered solemnly.
"So? You're not the only one that loved and lost! At least...at least you didn't betray yours," Celestia confessed, getting a surprised look from Discord. Cadence's power in this realm must be affecting her, "I...abandoned him when he needed me most. He...Discord, because of me, the one I loved had to do horrible things. And...even after everything that happened and everything we did to each other, I...I still loved him!" She declared at the stunned Draconequus, her eyes glistening, "S-so you don't get to sit there, feeling all depressed and gloomy, to just give up on love because one mare didn't work out for you!"
Discord blinked before scowling, "Oh, like you're one to talk! Sitting around on your cushy throne, pretending to be happy and content with this little heartbreak bottled up inside! Really Celestia, if this colt of yours isn't beyond redemption, then just tell him you're sorry! You ponies seem like the fairly understanding type, I'm sure you of all ponies can make him see your case!"
Celestia blinked at the advice before forcing a scowl, "And what about you? Acting all vague about what happened! I bet it wasn't even really your fault! If this mare is still around, you should go and talk to her! Talk about what happened! She's likely to understand, as a pony," She shot back.
"Little hard to. She's...been acting strangely nice lately, even after my recent buck up. I'd rather not backtrack into a "less than nice" relationship," Discord muttered, "Not to mention she's almost eternally busy."
"I'm sure she'd make time for you. Besides, that never stopped you before," Celestia said with a smile.
Discord sighed dramatically, "I suppose..."
"Discord, please. I would give anything to have my beloved forgive me, but I'd settle at least for him being happy without me. I don't want to see you and your marefriend suffer through that," Celestia said, putting a comforting hoof on his back.
"...Alright," He relented, biting his lip thoughtfully, thinking fast. It was hard tosay no to her right now, "Can I...can I practice what to say with you?" He asked hopefully. Even if she never knew it was aimed at her, just to be able to say the words to her face would be the most therapeutic thing he could do.
Celestia nodded, "Of course, Discord. We're friends, after all."
He nodded absently, before sighing, "Where do I even begin? I suppose "I'm sorry" is the first thing I should say, even if you don't want to hear that. I know that I did something horrible, something you might never be able to forgive...and honestly, I'm not ashamed for what I did. I'm only ashamed because, with how much I cared about you, with how much I loved you so, I still managed to forget how you'd feel about what I did. It still haunts me, you know? It's...it's why I started acting the way I do, why I tried so hard to be separate from others. I don't want to hurt another like I hurt you ever again. Not that I'm a good Samaritan of a Draconequus underneath this or anything, but...," Discord rattled off, before looking at her...he did feel some weight off his shoulders, "How was that so far?"
Celestia smiled softly, "I'm assuming you'll be a little less vague with her. If so, you're doing wonderfully. Though...I don't mean to assume, but...if it is as bad as you say, she would probably appreciate hearing why," She explained softly.
"Why. That's why I love chaos- there doesn't need to be a why," Discord said with a sigh, "But...maybe that IS the why. Maybe somewhere in the back of my head, I didn't want her to make sense of it, because...because the truth, the why, would hurt her even more. Maybe I just...thought it'd be easier for her to hate me..."
Celestia frowned sadly at that, "Discord, hating someone is never easy. And if she loved you, even less so. She...she probably spent so much of her life wondering if...if it was her fault, if she could have done something differently. The truth hurts, yes, but it's a sting that lessens with time and care. And with time, it comes as a great relief and sense of ease."
Discord looked down, not answering that, "...So, you want a turn?" He asked with a small smile.
Celestia looked away for a moment before nodding, "I'd...appreciate that," She said with a brief pause, gathering her thoughts, "I...I can't say sorry yet. Not until I tell you the truth. I...I know what happened, what really happened. I know it wasn't your fault, I know what they did...and I'm sorry it took me so long to believe it," Celestia started with glistening eyes, "I...I was supposed to be there for you, help you, but...I turned on you, just like you always feared I would. I broke the most important promise in my life...to never let you feel alone again. I'm...I'm so sorry that I never said this sooner and that...after everything that happened, you may never forgive me. I've...ruined your life in so many ways. I just...hope to see you as happy now as I meant to make you when we first met," Celestia paused to take a breath, feeling a bit better, "So...how am I doing?" She asked awkwardly.
Discord shook his wide eyed expression before coughing and answering, "I-I think he'd wonder wh-what made you change your mind now?" He asked, trying to sound casual, "Though...if he isn't a total arse, he'd just want to hug away your tears with those sad, puppy dog eyes," He joked with a forced grin.
Celestia smiled lightly, "I'd...probably like that. As for why now? I've had...a long time to think about all my mistakes and regrets. And that time wilted away the blinds of hate and anger I had on things I had partially turned my mind from. It took me a while to work through it though. I...screwed up the first chance I had to apologize to him because...I thought I was over my old anger and hatred, but...they were more stubborn than I gave them credit for," Celestia said with a weak smile, "All I had to do was tell him "Sorry" and that might have...I might have actually been able to give him a good life. But I was just too weak and...pathetic to say what I really felt."
"...Celestia, who was this stallion who has ensnared your heart so?" Discord inquired, his eyes wide and his tongue speechless to comment on the confession itself, "I've never seen you so down and nervous about talking with someone before, so whoever he is, he must be a catch by your standards," He teased weakly. In truth, Discord only wanted to know so that when they escaped this dimension, he could find this guy, then congratulate him and then inform him that if ever hurt Celestia in any way, Discord would do things to him that made his old reign look tame.
Celestia blushed lightly at that, "D-discord...I swear, you won't believe me. And even if you did, I don't know how you'll take the answer."
"Oh, come on, just tell me," He prodded playfully.
"I d-don't think I should," Celestia said nervously.
"I can keep a secret!" Discord promised with a disturbingly innocent look on him
"N-no, please..." Celestia requested, feeling her heart pounding a bit more.
He sighed with a pout, "Why won't you just tell me this freaking stallion's name?"
"I never said he was a stallion," Celestia replied quickly before gasping and covering her mouth.
Now Discord looked excited and curious. It was so adorable, Celestia decided, that look on his face as he twirled his beard, "Not a stallion, eh? Hmm, that leaves two possibilities. This could be a mare, either cross dressing as a male or you were just trying to hide your interest in the same gender. Unlikely, in this accepting day and age, but possible," He said as he watched her TRY to look calm under his snooping.
"Discord..." She said with a sigh.
"More likely, he isn't a pony at all," Discord said with a grin, "Oh, I wonder who, no, what it could be! Could it be a griffin? I don't think you'd go for a Diamond dog. If this was one of Rarity's stories, it might be a changeling. Hmm, could see a dragon. You would make a lovely addition to any scaley's horde," Discord continued thoughtfully.
"Discord, stop, you'll never guess," Celestia said softly, perking up with a small smirk, "I can always start prying about this mare of yours?"
He chuckled at that, "I dare you to, you'll never guess who she is,"
"Well, I'm assuming she's a pony, though I could be wrong about that. After all, you're the type who'd want to go after an exotic mate like a dragon or a griffin," Celestia teased.
"Well, she is a pony. Woo-hoo, there's tons of them." Discord mocked back with a grin.
"Ah, yes...but how many would draw your eye? I know my subjects well, after all. Sooooo...is it Fluttershy?"
"Sweet little thing, but no. She's easily my best friend, but I need someone a bit more creative and with a bigger comfort zone," Discord answered with a smirk.
"It's not Twilight, is it?" Celestia asked in amusement.
"...You ever pondered the subject of if you weren't in love, who would you go for?" He asked with a grin, "Yeah, Twilight would be on that list."
"I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. She is more fun and chaotic than she thinks sometimes," Celestia mused, "Pinkie?"
"She is just a little too like me and I'm not a narcissist," Discord said proudly, getting a raised eyebrow, "Okay, not THAT much of one."
"Of course not," Celestia placated with a smile, frowning for half a second, "...Is it Luna?" She asked carefully.
"Luna?" Discord repeated, a bit surprised by that one.
"I could see you both getting along swimmingly," Celestia mused with a small smile, "She is very much the "fun" and outgoing one. And she has a knack for pranks that you probably love and her touch for the theatrics. Not to mention..." She trailed off slowly.
"Not to mention what?" Discord asked with a raised eyebrow.
"She'd...she'd know how to make you happy and comfortable better than any other pony," Celestia mused softly, knowing if anyone understood Discord, it was Luna.
Discord looked wistful at that, "I don't mean to besmirch your sister, Celestia, but no...there is another one who has made me happy and comfortable. One who helped me without asking for anything. And I hurt her..."
"Discord," She said softly, before walking up and nuzzling against him. "Please, quit blaming yourself. You may be chaotic, but if you feel this much guilt over whatever it was you did, then it must have been for a good reason."
"Depends on what you call a good reason, in some ways..." He replied evasively.
"Was it to save your own life?" She asked softly.
"...Yes," He confirmed solemnly.
"Then she will understand. No one can blame another for defending their own life, especially someone they love," Celestia said gently as she looked up into his smiling red eyes.
"And I'm sure, whatever this male friend of yours is, he will understand. After all, it must have been something drastic and personal to make somepony as kind and understanding as you hold such an intense grudge," He said softly as he stroked her chin.
"Discord...," She whispered with glistening eyes.
"Yes, Celestia?" He asked with a smile, leaning his head down again hers.
"How long are we going to pretend we don't know who we're talking about?" She asked in amusement.
Discord's eyes teared up as he grinned, "I guess now is a good time..." He said as his tears fell, "I'm so sorry, Tia..."
"I know. I forgive you, Discord and I wish it hadn't taken so long for me to see it, let alone admit it," She returned with tears of her own, "Can...can you forgive me?"
He chuckled mirthlessly at that, "Celestia, I'm the murderer here, I'm the one who made you and Luna orphans," He reminded softly.
"After they tried to make you a corpse," Celestia reminded with a sad frown, "I don't know why they did that, how they could order the death of a child. All I know is that I left you alone and used their deaths to push all the hate and anger ponies had onto you. I...I made you out to be a monster, just for surviving!...And I punished you for striking back..."
"Celestia!" He said quickly, firmly cutting off her self-loathing rant, "I...I know better than anyone what it was like to grow up, alone, with no one able to guide you properly. I know exactly what that place was like and...and I just didn't want you and Luna to be there and hate your parents too."
"You fool...at least we would have been there with you," She said gently, "And ponies wonder why Harmony didn't change a thing about you."
"Tia?" He asked with a smile.
"Yes?" She answered curiously.
"I still don't feel like I have anything to forgive, but if it makes you feel better, I do forgive you," He assured with a sniff.
"Dissy...," Celestia whispered lovingly.
"Tia...," Discord returned tenderly as they leaned in close...
And right as they kissed, the world around them was filled with a great light, as if their love was blinding them to everything else...
After a few seconds, they broke the kiss and were amused to find themselves in the Palace of the Crystal Empire. They looked to the side as they dried their tears, looking at a very, very annoyed Cadence, tapping her hooves with an even glare.
"Do you two have any idea how long you have been in there during that non-confessing-confession?" She inquired with a roll of her eyes. "I mean, seriously, I'm sitting out here watching, thinking you two were going to completely dodge the issue until you," She pointed at Celestia. "Finally brought it up and made realize you both figured it out! I've seen little colts and fillies in Cherliee's class confess faster! For crying out loud, Shining Armor had the time to grow a mustache!" Cadence exclaimed, motioning to said stallion nearby. "Which, by the way, looks awesome on you, Shiny."
"Thank you, Cady," Replied the grinning stallion, now sporting a thick blue mustache.
"Yes, yes, very nice use of the Mustache spell, Shining Armor," Discord said dismissively, "Not many can master it and change the color to your natural mane's shade. Still, to butcher Starswirl, no amount of spelled up hairs can compete with an all-natural beard," Discord boasted, twirling his own beard again.
"Well, you're still your old self," Shining noted with an eye roll.
"Quite the contrary," Discord said with a grin, suddenly between the royal couple, an arm over each of their shoulders, "I feel like a newer, younger Chaos Lord!" He declared, hugging them tightly.
"You're...wel...come," Cadence choked out.
"AIR! AIR!" Shining choked out.
"Discord, be a dear and don't strangle them. Finding good and competent rulers is not easy," Celestia requested playfully.
"Oh, if you insist," Discord said with a chuckle as he loosened his grip, letting them breath before he smirked darkly, "But don't think you're both off the hook. Regardless of the endgame, you two just pranked the Spirit of Chaos and the Princess of the Sun. Meaning you can expect payback in the future," He warned, patting them on their cheeks before floating back over to Celestia.
"A-auntie?" Cadence asked nervously, Shining Armor's white coat (somehow) paling as his mustache fell off, seemingly abandoning him in fear.
Celestia giggled warmly, "Don't worry, Cadence. You have done us a great service and you will have my eternal gratitude. I'll be sure to keep his retribution mostly benign and have it unleashed along with a token of our thanks," She promised as the rulers of the Crystal Empire relaxed visibly. That was when Celestia eye smiled as her gentle smile seemed to gain an edge, "That said, your reckoning shall be fierce and without equal. It shall come without warning and it will come when you least expect it. You will not be able to stop it and any futile attempts at counter attacks will be taken as a declaration of a royal prank war," Celestia explained in the same sweet and gentle tone she used to encourage ponies.
Needless to say, the unicorn and love Alicorn were terrified. So much so that they were holding each other while shaking in a corner.
The disturbing edge to Celestia's expression left in exchange for one of amusement as she looked towards Discord...who giving her a very suggestive, half lidded look.
"Tia, you've been holding out on me," He said, licking his lips.
Celestia blushed a bit but grinned all the same, "A mare has to have some surprises, Discord."
"That she does," He agreed as his tail hooked around her yoke, to her curious amusement, "Come on, we have over a dozen centuries to make up for," He said, tugging her lightly out of the room.
Celestia laughed lightly at that, "Dissy, as much as I'd love that, I do need to get back to Canterlot and finish some work," She said apologetically as she used her magic to pull his tail off her regalia.
"Oh, poo. And here I was going to give you your first of many late birthday presents," Discord said with an impish smile.
Celestia stopped, knowing she shouldn't take the bait, but unable to resist, "...What present, might I ask?" She asked, coy and curious.
"Self-duplication, complete with memory transference," Discord said with a smirk, "Though, fair warning, they appear and disappear with a poof of smoke."
"Hmm? I'm sorry, did you say something, Discord?" Celestia asked, already putting his tail back on her yoke…hook, line, and sinker.
"Oh, nothing, Tia, nothing at all," Discord said with a chuckle as they left the room and walked a bit. Celestia could play anyone like a fiddle if she wanted to, but he alone could boast the ability to play right back.
"So, any ideas on what to do with the gift and prank to them, Dissy?" Celestia asked with a playful smirk.
Discord grinned at that as he opened a door in thin air, "Don't worry about it, I have a plan, KK. The Prank is the Gift and the Gift is the Prank," Discord said cryptically.
"Luna is going to hate having our doubled-double speak back," Celestia mused with a mirthful chuckle, "And really, that old nickname?"
"What, it's not my fault you have a Killer Kick," Discord said with a grin, "I'm sure those strong legs have other uses..."
"Down boy," Celestia scolded teasingly, "We're not quite there yet."
"Sad, but true. I have to get used to you loving me again," Discord agreed with a smile.
Celestia smiled and kissed him, brief and quick, "That's true for both of us, but I think we have a good start. Now, I believe you were taking the lead?" She prompted with a smirk.
Discord grinned happily as they went through the doorway through time and space, Celestia's tail closing it behind them.
"So...how bad you think this is going to be?" Shining asked numbly, still hugging his wife, who returned the gesture.
"Probably about as bad as Twilight at a book burning rally," Cadence answered absently.
"We're bucked."
Many Months Later
Celestia smiled as she stood at the train station, waving off her former student and her friends, said figures having saved the day once again, "So...," Luna spoke up, "When are we going to tell Twilight that the Alicorn-baby is Discord payback, good and bad, for Cadence getting you and Discord back together?" She asked curiously.
"Probably a little after Discord and I go public," Celestia answered with a giggle.
"I still don't know how that's possible," Cadence said with a sigh.
"Well, Discord did agree to explain that to me, right after the baby was born no less," Celestia mused, fighting off her mischief.
"Oh? Do tell?" Luna asked while Cadence blushed at where she suspected this was going.
"Let's just say it was a VERY hooves on type of lesson," Celestia said with a smirk, "We barely finished it before Twilight and the others arrived."
"...Well, that explains where Discord was during all of this," Shining said with wide eyes.
"What can I say," Discord said, popping in right behind them, making everypony besides Celestia and Luna jump, "Turning that little tyke into an Alicorn wasn't exactly a walk in the park. And after my...lesson with Celestia, I thought I was cleared to take five," Discord commented dramatically, drinking a cup of coffee, "I didn't think the city would be destroyed during a three hour nap!"
"You could have just sent a gift basket," Cadence said dryly.
"Not that we're complaining," Shining assured, looking away briefly, "Much."
"Wait, Shining, where is Flurry Heart?!" Cadence exclaimed in alarm, looking everywhere for the newborn.
"HehehehHAHAHA!" Came the adorable sound of a filly's joy, making everypony look up as they saw the baby tangled in Discord's now-slightly-extended mane, said mane's prehensile hairs ensuring she didn't fall off. He chuckled, almost uncontrollably, as she seemed to get all sorts of lost in his mane.
"...That is disturbingly adorable," Shining Armor admitted in surprise, Celestia smiling fondly at her mate.
"Aunty Celestia? What IS your sister doing?" Cadence asked blankly, drawing the Solar Alicorn's attention to her counterpart.
Celestia smiled broadly as she took in the sight, "She's doing her Aunty Luna dance," Celestia answered in amusement, "I haven't seen that since you told us about your pregnancy."
"...It looks almost like one of those Haywaiian fire dances," Cadence commented idly, tilting her head in interest.
"She invented that," Celestia explained offhoofedly.
"And the shuffling moonwalk added in?" Shining asked with a raised eyebrow.
"I taught her that," Discord answered smugly, leaning down as he took Flurry Heart off his head and held her in his paw and talons. Said filly was staring at her dancing great-aunt with wide eyes. She tried wiggling her hooves a bit before pouting as she realized she couldn't dance like that even if she wasn't being held. Poo.
No, seriously, poo.
"I don't do windows and I don't do diapers," Discord said, handing the baby off to the parents before teleporting out. After a brief pause, he popped back in for a second to add in, "Yet."
Celestia just beamed as he teleported back out once more.
"You know what the worst part is?" Cadence asked rhetorically to her husband, "It's Discord, so there's a good chance that, by the Laws of Nonsense, Auntie is going to have a pregnancy free of all the usual ailments."
"By that logic, his kids would be docile and lazy...until they grew up into maniac- oh buck, that's true, isn't it?" Shining Armor realized with wide eyes.
"I'm sure Twilight will give you a full documentation on the pregnancy of an Alicorn Princess and a Draconequus Chaos Lord," Celestia teased as Luna ended her dance with an air-guitar slide.
Author's Note
Beta and Secondary Author: DragWiz91
And there we have it, just a cheesy little thing that me and my beta wrote in our spare time. Turned out better than planned, so after some editing, we decided to post it. Not much else to say, hope you all enjoyed this sappy oneshot.
