Lost in Equestria: Just Wanna Go Home.

by Hardinbrony

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Original Character, Comedy
Length: 2502

The story of a guy who finds himself in Equestria. Incomplete

A guy finds himself Equestria. All he wants to do is get back home. Back to his normal life. Written by Niklas Means

Published 2012-06-28 10:34:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-06-28 10:34:01 UTC

Where am I?

Two things entered my mind when I arrived.
How did I end up here?!
And
I need to become a pony, somehow...

The first thing I thought of was because.... well... I ended up in Equestria. Somewhere near The Everfree Forest. It had something to do with a blue pill and a red pill.... He told me not to take both, but I was curious. I didn’t think THIS would happen. I guess I had no idea what to expect.

The reason I thought of the second thing was simple. It would be easier to fit in being a pony, and if the Fanon was right.... Twilight’s got a thing for humans, and I don’t want any part of that. Also, I didn’t want Lyra to bother me constantly about having hands and walking on two legs.

Look, I’m going to assume the fanfics I’ve read are accurate, and if thats the case... I need to stay away from Lyra and Twilight until I find someone (somepony... haha...) to turn me into a pony. I had two choices that I could think of. that was Zecora and Trixie. I think Zecora would be a better choice, I don’t trust Trixie, and Zecora was closer.
.........

I didn’t like traveling through the Everfree forest alone... There’s Manticores and timberwolves and.... Who knows what else? I had no idea how to get to Zecora’s hut, but I had a rough idea. I just followed what looked like a road for a while, looking out for Poison Joke. I still remember Zecora’s words. I didn’t want to deal with that. Who knows what happens to humans with it? It could kill me for all I knew. Which was practically nothing. I was lost in this train of thought for quite a while before I noticed a light in the distance. It had to be Zecora’s house! I rushed over at top speed, not caring for my personal safety. When I got to her door... I stopped. I thought to myself “How would she react? There aren’t any humans or human like animals in Equestria.” I just decided to through caution to the wind and knock anyway.

As I explained the situation to Zecora (Who seemed oddly normal with a human asking to come in at what, 3 in the morning?) Apparently, she’s seen glimpses of my world. I didn’t ask her to elaborate... Because... I thought she was crazy. (She lives in a hut all by herself, which is full of herbs... Just saying) I told her my situation, and why I sought her out. She told me “A pony you wish to be? Perhaps I have a brew, let me see” I stood there waiting for a few minutes, when she reappeared with a gray potion of some kind. She handed it to me and told me to drink it. It smelled awful, like cat urine. It didn’t taste much better, but there wasn’t much, so I could choke it down. After a few seconds, I felt weird. My body started twitching and I felt a massive bolt of pain go through my body before I passed out.

After I woke up, I found myself in a tent outside Zecora’s, with a note that read “You were making to much noise. I really had no choice.” I never knew Zecora could be so vicious. But, I was probably being really loud. I got up, my whole body feeling sore, and tried to stand up. I fell over, and then I remembered. “Oh God! I’m a pony now! How will I walk!?” I had to walk around for an hour or two to get used to having hooves instead of hands and feet. There was a lot of falling, which didn’t help my already sore muscles. I had to check how I looked, hoping I wasn’t some ridiculous color, like lime green or pink. After searching around for a moment, I saw a puddle. My fur was a gray color, and my mane was dark brown. I didn’t have a cutie mark, which I found to be unsurprising. Didn’t stop me from feeling embarrassed. My fur color was the same color as my shirt, which reminded me, I had some important stuff in my clothes that I needed to grab. Pulling my pants out of the tent, I grabbed my wallet (with my mouth) and was about to take the money, but I remembered the type of money they used here in Equestria. I did take the coins, they might be worth something. I grabbed my pencils and note pad (a small one that I fit in my pocket, to write stories in.) And I grabbed my mini keychain flashlight. Lastly, I put on my glasses (which was really hard, without hands.) I realized I’d need a saddle bag to carry all this crap. “Well, I should start making my way to Ponyville.” I said to nopony in particular. I was hoping Rarity, being the element of generosity, would make me a saddle bag for free. I left my stuff, and made my way to Ponyville

The path through the Everfree forest is much less scary in the morning. At least I could see if anything was hiding in the shadows. There wasn’t. It seems that the creatures of the Everfree forest are nocturnal. As I made my way down the path, I remembered something; Pinkie Pie sings that horrible welcome song to all the new ponies. I couldn’t stand that song on the TV! How would I get through it in a real world situation? “Alright, don’t panic. Just tell her you’ve heard the song!” But, how will I explain to her how I’ve heard it? “Just say you’re part of a secret organization, called B.R.O.N.Y. And you’ve been keeping tabs on them ever since they defeated Nightmare Moon!” What does B.R.O.N.Y. stand for? “Nothing! Tell them it’s classified information!” It took me a while to realize that I was talking to myself. And I thought Zecora was crazy.

There it is! Ponyville! I just need to find Rarity, and ask for a saddle bag! Then I will be set. I realized my watch stayed on my arm... err... my fore hoof, and checked the time. My watch said 8:37, but I didn’t know if Equestria was the same as Earth when it came to time. It looked about right, but I had no idea. As I entered the town, I saw a colorful (literally colorful) cast of characters. I only knew the names of a few of them. Like Lyra (She’s the one thats obsessed with human things, like pants and hands.) And Bon-bon (Lyra’s love interest? I’m not totally sure. Its a shipping thing. I hate shipping.) There was Doctor Whooves. (I was curious, was is he really a Doctor? No. Thats impossible!) And Derp... I mean Ditzy Doo. (I’m not really sure what to call her. Would she be offended if I called her Derpy?) There was Colgate (She’s like a dentist or something... I don’t remember.) I didn’t know any other than that. Why was I here? Oh yeah, I had to see Rarity. She’s generous. She’ll make me a saddle bag for free. I started making my way to Carousel Boutique.

I knocked on the Carousel Boutique’s door, and was answered by Sweetie Belle. “Who are you?” She asked. “Me? Um... my name is... Niklas...” I replied. I felt like an idiot. I was talking to a little girl pony. Its weirder than it sounds. “Did you want to see Rarity... Oh my Goodness! You don’t have a cutie mark!? How old are you!?” She sounded really excited, I felt really uncomfortable. “Thats my personal business, not yours. And yes, I would like to see Rarity. I need her to make me a saddle bag. Mine... broke.” I said. ‘Okay. Is it okay if I make it!? Maybe My cutie mark is sewing! I’ll get Apple Bloom and Scootaloo!” She ran off without letting me answer her. I thought I’d let her try it. Rarity could fix it if she needed to. I was about to start walking off towards the library to grab a book, when I saw Pinkie Pie bouncing around nearby. I jumped into a nearby bush, and tried to stay still. Of course, She still found me. “Oh! who are you? Let me guess, your name is Periwinkle! No! Is it Graybur? No! Maybe...” “My name’s Niklas! Just leave me alone!” I had to cut her off. She was driving me insane. “Oh! Thats a nice name. Are you new around here? And why don’t you have a cutie mark? And I almost forgot! The song!” “Nononononono! Don’t sing that song! I’ve already heard it! Its fine, I don’t need to hear it again!” I nearly screamed. I’ve never liked that song. “How have you heard it before? And why don’t you want to hear it?! I-” Pinkie Pie managed to get out before Rarity cut her off. “Whats all the ruckus? I can’t think with all this yelling! I need to get back to work on my dress!” I never like Rarity. Or Pinkie Pie. Why did I have to be stuck with these two? “Well” Pinkie Pie started saying “ I saw this pony, hiding in a bush right here. He looked new, and I wanted to greet him!” “Why were you hiding in a bush near my house?” Asked Rarity. (Oh no.... This is spiraling out of control....) “ I... uh... well... nothing! I wasn’t doing anything....” I said, trying not to stutter. “Well, a random colt inside a bush outside my house? Seems suspicious. Are you paparazzi? Or a secret admirer? What are you?” She said, with disdain in her voice. “ I AM NOT a secret admirer. I have never liked you. My organization needs to check on you and the rest of the elements of harmony. I needed to see if you were staying safe. I’m sorry if I caused any issues, but I have to be here for a while.”

This seemed to close the discussion. “Look, I can’t tell you any more than that. I shouldn’t have said anything, but you forced my... hoof.” I managed to say after an uncomfortable pause. “Well, if thats the case, I heard nothing.” Rarity said, and walked back into her shop. “I’ll keep your secret too! Losing a pony’s trust is the fastest way to lose a friend. FOREVEEER!” Pinkie said as she bounced off. “Thank God thats out of the way” I said to myself. As I sat there, trying to think of what I should do, I saw the Cutie Mark Crusaders running up with a.... bag? Yep. It was a bag. Not the most beautiful thing, but it looked structurally sound, and they were only fillies. “Is that the blank flank you were talking about? Look how old he is! Hahahaha!” Said Scootaloo, tears in her eyes. "Hey now! Just because he different doesn't give us the right to make fun of him!" Applebloom. She really is pretty nice. "Whatever. He's weird. And funny! Bwahahaha!!" Scootaloo couldn't help but be a bi... Can't call her that! "Okay, well thanks for the bag, I need to get going. Find a place to stay... Find a job..." I started trailing off, hoping the CMC would give me an idea of where to start looking, but they had already run off. Scootaloo still laughing at me. "Y'all can just buck yourself there, Scooty." that's horrible! Why would I say that about a pony my sister's age? I'm a bad pers... Pony. I gotta find a job. And a place to stay. This sucks.

"Hello, I'm looking for a job at this fine establishment." I was trying to get a job at some place I've never seen in the show. "Well, what's your special talent? I cant just hire ponies willy-nilly, ya know?" said the pony I needed a job from. He ran an inn. " Come on! Do I really need a cutie mark for cleaning rooms!? That's ridiculous!" I was done being refused for the lack of a cutie mark. It's not easy being a blank flank. "Sir, calm down! I need people who are specifically good at cleaning. Sorry, it's just business." I really wanna like these people, but I really hate the working climate. Blank flanks refused? Buck that. I guess I'll just live on the street. Looks like Equestria isn't just fun and games. You're never shown the hobo ponies. ( Hobonies?) No... I refuse to live on the street! I will find a place to stay! And then a job! And then takeover the government! Okay, that's not gonna happen. Speaking of taking over... Politics! That may be my special talent! I'm gonna check the library and grab some books. Government. History. Society. Geography. Technology. This is what I must know to live here in Equestria! I'm wasting daylight! To the library!

In the library. Check. Books. Check. Ask to take them out without getting into a big conversation. Impossible. Of course, Twilight was curious as to why I was getting so many books on Equestria. Most tourists grab a sightseeing book. ( She thought I was a tourist. I wasn't gonna argue. Good cover story.) "Ummm... Where I come from, there wasn't a very good school. Most of the stuff I know I learned from the intern.... Err, my friend Intersal. His parents were odd. That's how he got the name." " Oh, a bad school? Maybe I can get Celestial to help with that. Where are you from?" Why'd you have to ask that, Twilight? Why? "Erm... That would be tough. I came from a town that was really against Celestia's style of rule. They would refuse her help." I am not good at lying. There goes the politics job. "That's crazy! Celestia is our benevolent leader! There's nothing wrong with.... Wait... I need... I need to think about something. Just take the books. Bring them back when you're done..." Twilight said as she went into her basement. What did I just do? Did I plant the seeds of revolution? Naw. That's Twilight! She'd never start a revolution! I hope... I grabbed Equestria: Everything Everywhere. It's got everything I need to know, at least, that's what it says. I saw a book on the creatures of Equestria. Grabbed that too. Time to find a place to stay and a job. And a place to read these books.

Mowing lawns. I once did that back on Earth. Made some good money. Maybe I'll make some good money here too. Wait, looks like all the kids beat me to it. Everything's perfect already. Damn kids. Looks like I'll have to suffer. Farm work. I hate it. I'm not even good at gardening! Or work. But wait! There's a hospital! I'll just fake cutie mark or something. Let me think a while.