My Little Porky: Friendship is PSI

by zennec-fox

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Equestria Girls, Science Fiction, Sunset Shimmer, Crossover, Human, Main 6, Comedy
Length: 3208

Porky goes to CHS and intends to cause chaos, but instead he learns about the magic of friendship.

During his travels through time, Porky accidentally finds the world of Equestria Girls. He enrolls as a student and attempts to cause chaos amongst the students, but some former enemies of his come along, and together they must learn about the magic of friendship.

Published 2016-11-22 03:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-12-07 02:51:59 UTC

In Which Porky Attends Canterlot High

Porky Minch stepped out of the Phase Distorter and onto a patch of light green grass. He had been time-traveling for a few months after Ness had killed his former master, Giygas. However, where he was didn't seem to be a different time; rather, he was somewhere else in space. The people around here had unnatural skin and hair colors, which he was grateful for, as it would allow him to blend in better. Wherever he was, it definitely wasn't Earth, and there was no way for Ness to reach him now.

At this point, Porky noticed that all the people around him were heading into a large building. Upon closer inspection, Porky discovered that it was a high school. Just as he was going to hide back in the Phase Distorter, he felt someone tap his shoulder. He turned around quickly.

"Are you new here?" asked a light orange girl with red and yellow hair and a leather jacket. She had a friendly smile on her face. She reminded Porky of Ness, except hotter.

"Yes," he said, "I am." Thinking fast, Porky then said, "I was going to become a student at this school..."

"Oh!" the girl said. "No problem! I'll show you where you need to go!"

***

Fortunately for Porky, Canterlot High had not taken any precautions involving new students, despite the fact that otherworldly monsters had attacked the school at least twice. After Porky had become a student, Sunset Shimmer began to show him around the school.

"So..." Sunset said, "I don't think you ever told me your name. What is it?"

"It's Porky," Porky said, "but, for some reason, most people call me 'Pokey.'" Porky looked around the crowded hallways. This caused him to lose track of where he was going and bump into another student. "Hey!" he exclaimed. "Watch where you're going!"

"Oh, my gosh! I am so sorry," the pale yellow girl in front of him said quietly, backing away slowly.

"No, it's okay," Sunset said, then glared at Porky. "This is Fluttershy," she explained. "She's a very kind person, unlike someone here." Porky smirked. Fluttershy ran away, whimpering.

Sunset Shimmer brought Porky to his first class and abandoned him at the door. Porky walked in.

***

At lunch, Sunset Shimmer sat with Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, and Twilight Sparkle.

"Have any of you met the new student?" Sunset asked.

"Met him?!" Rainbow Dash answered. "He rammed right into me and wanted me to apologize to him for getting in his way!"

"He did something similar to me this morning," Fluttershy said.

"He's an awful lot like those kids at Crystal Prep," noted Twilight. "Except stinkier."

At that moment, Porky walked over, followed by Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon wearing pig costumes. "Hello, friends," he said. "I was just talking to these two lovely young ladies about how awesome my friend Ness and I were. Isn't that right, girls?" Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon nodded.

"Why are they dressed up like pigs?" Applejack asked.

"'Whah are they dressed up lahk peegs?'" Porky mimicked, much to AJ's annoyance. "They're the first citizens of Empire Porky, obviously!"

"'Empire Porky?'" Pinkie asked. "Can I join?"

"Of course!" Porky answered, giving Pinkie a pig costume. Pinkie began puting it on until she noticed her friends glaring at her.

"What?" she asked. "I like pigs! They're just so...pink!"

"Hold on," said Sunset Shimmer. "What's 'Empire Porky?'"

"I could tell you," Porky said, "but that would ruin the fun!" Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon laughed. "Spankety spankety spankety!" The three of them turned around and walked away.

"Now you get back here, you little--" Rainbow Dash stood up. Applejack grabbed her arm.

"Rainbow!" she scolded. "Calm down! He's younger than we are; how much could he possibly do?"

"Applejack is right, darling," said Rarity. "I mean, it's not like he could travel forward through time and place a flying city above this school."

Meanwhile, Porky was walking back to his table with Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.

"Master Porky," Silver Spoon said, "who is Ness?" Porky laughed.

"He was my neighbor in Onett," he said. "The two of us were good friends until he betrayed me at the Happy-Happy Village. I just wanted to keep being his friend, but apparently he thought he was too good for me!" Porky slammed his fist down on the table. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon jumped, startled.

"M-Master Porky?" Diamond Tiara said.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," Porky reassured her. "I'll show him someday; I can be as cool as him!"

"If it makes you feel any better, we think you're cool," Silver Spoon said.

"Thanks, girls," Porky said, chuckling. "Just wait until I find New Pork City; I'm sure I already finished at some point in the future." Porky's chuckling quickly turned into laughter.

***THREE MONTHS LATER***

Rarity looked up at the floating city above the school. "I was just joking!" she exclaimed.

"How in the hay..." Applejack looked up at New Pork City. It looked like a few meteors had grazed it.

Sunset Shimmer ran up to the school. "?!...What did Porky do?!" she asked.

At that moment, a flying limo descended in front of the girls. A mustachioed man in a suit stepped out of the door.

"Master Porky has instructed me to bring all students of this school to New Pork City," the chauffeur said, opening the passenger door.

"No way am I going in there!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

"I'm sorry, but you don't have a choice," the chauffeur said. "Master Porky requires all students of Canterlot High School to be in New Pork City. If you don't comply, I will be forced to use force."

"Do your worst."

"I will." The chauffeur pulled out a gun and pointed it at Rainbow Dash.

"Hey, girls, I just had a great idea!" Rainbow Dash said, smiling nervously. "How about we get in the limo?" The seven of them went into the limo.

"Now, the city is approximately 1000 feet above the ground, so feel free to make yourselves comfortable." The chauffeur began driving. The girls sat on the couch and slowly rocked their bodies side-to-side to the music. There were games around. They looked playable, but they weren't.

"What are we going to do about all of this?" Fluttershy asked.

"I have an idea," Sunset Shimmer said.

"And that is?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"See what Twilight's idea is!" Sunset began writing quickly in her book.

***

Twilight Sparkle had fallen asleep on the book, so its vibrations woke her up. "I DIDN'T KILL STARLIGHT!" she shouted in surprise, then looked down at the book in front of her.

Twilight,

Remember that Porky kid I told you about? Well, we're headed to his floating city right now. The rest of the students are already there, and nobody here knows what to do. What should we do?

Twilight thought for a moment, then wrote back:

Sunset,

Hang on. I have an idea.

***

On a small island in the middle of Nowhere, a young boy watched as all traces of Porky were erased from his home. This boy's name was Lucas, and he had been through a lot. He looked over at his brother's lifeless body and swallowed. Claus had made his choice, and there was nothing Lucas could do about it.

Suddenly, in his mind, he heard a female voice calling to him:

If you're hearing this, it means that, at some point, you have faced off against Porky Minch and won. Your experience will be necessary for your upcoming task. You will fall asleep now. When you wake up, you will be in a "limo," whatever that is. Anyone else who has faced Porky will be there, as well as seven girls. Don't panic; they'll tell you everything you need to know. Now, go, and be a hero once again.

Lucas collapsed on top of Claus' corpse. Kumatora tried to wake him, but he disappeared in a burst of purple magic.

***

Meanwhile, in a small house near a small town in the not-so-small United States, another young boy lay awake on his bed. This boy was Ness, and he was thinking about his fight against Giygas, the ultimate evil. It was only a week ago, but he couldn't stop thinking about it. He wondered what had become of his neighbor, Porky.

As if on cue, the female voice appeared in Ness' head, telling him the same thing it told Lucas. He fell asleep and disappeared.

***

"Do you think they're all right?" a soft voice asked.

"They'd better be," a girl with a Southern accent said. "They're our last hope."

Lucas' eyes opened slowly, and he found himself face-to-face with a smiling pink girl. "Oh, good!" she said. "You're finally awake!" She blew a party horn at him, hitting him in the nose. He screamed.

"Hey!" said the boy next to him. "Could you keep it down?! I haven't had a good night's sleep in a week!" Lucas recognized the boy's voice.

"Ness?" he asked.

"How do you know my name?" Ness asked. Lucas explained the New Pork City movie theater.

"Wait," said the pink girl, turning to look at him, "you're Ness?! As in, Porky's best friend from Onett?!"

"He was just my neighbor," Ness said. "He stopped being my 'friend' when he left a bunch of cultists to kill me."

"That's nothing," Lucas said. "He killed my mother AND turned my brother into a Chimera!"

"He joined forces with the ultimate evil and tried to kill me and my friends."

"He brainwashed my fellow villagers!"

"He has a floating city right now," said an orange girl.

"He had one of those when I met him," Lucas said.

"WAIT!" said the pink girl. "We still don't know each other! I'm Pinkie Pie!"

Everyone introduced themselves to each other just as the limo arrived at New Pork City.

"What are we going to do?" Sunset Shimmer asked.

"Leave it to us," Lucas said, glancing at Ness. Being around the legendary boy made him feel a little more confident. Ness smiled at Lucas.

***

Porky sat on the 100th floor of the Empire Porky Building. He couldn't believe that, in the future, he would have such a huge city dedicated to himself! It made him very happy.

Suddenly...

"PK FIST!!"

Ness ran in and punched Porky right in the face. Lucas ran in and did the same.

"OW!" Porky said. "WHAT THE HELL, NESS AND WEIRD BLOND KID?!"

The girls ran in. Rarity covered the two boys with her shield as Porky repeatedly tried to fight back at them.

"WHY?! CAN'T?! YOU?! JUST?! LET?! ME?! BE?! HAPPY?!" Porky shouted, holding back tears. "WHY?! CAN'T?! YOU?! JUST?! LET?! ME?! WIN?!"

"Why does your happiness have to come from the pain of others?!" Lucas asked.

"And why does you winning have to mean everyone else loses?!" Ness asked. Porky continued punching Rarity's shield.

"Look," said Lucas, "this shield is going nowhere. You can't hit us. You might as well just talk." Porky continued punching.

"You are accomplishing nothing by doing this," Ness said. Porky's punching slowed.

"You're only wasting time and energy," Lucas explained. Porky's punching softened.

"You're only hurting yourself by doing this," Ness said. Porky stopped punching. A tear rolled down his cheek.

"I...I just wanted to be cool...l-like you..." Porky sobbed.

"You...you think I'm cool?" Ness asked. Porky nodded.

"You...you were always so good at...making friends..."

"Let me handle this," said Sunset Shimmer, approaching the boys. Ness and Lucas moved out of the way. "Porky, I've been in the same position as you. I thought intimidation and violence would make me more powerful...would make me feel better about myself." Porky sniffled.

"But I was wrong," Sunset Shimmer said. "Someone taught me about the value of friendship...that Friendship is Magic..."

"Get to the point!" Rainbow Dash shouted. Sunset glared at her.

"I think she can help you, too," Sunset said. "Come with me. Lucas, Ness, you too." The four of them walked back to the limo. The other six followed.

"This is the second time someone else defeated the exact evil I was supposed to defeat," Ness muttered, disappointed. Lucas wrapped his arm around Ness' neck.

"If it makes you feel any better, it was fun hiding behind a shield with you," he said. Ness laughed and wrapped his arm around Lucas' neck.

***

Princess Twilight stepped out of the portal to find Sunset Shimmer, some blue boy, and two other boys around his age. "What's this about?" she asked.

"This is Porky," Sunset explained. "He wants to learn about the Magic of Friendship."

"When you say it like that, it almost sounds like a cult," Porky said.

"Since when do you care about that?" Ness said. Lucas punched his arm. "Owww..."

"Hmmm..." Twilight thought for a moment. "Well, I'm awful busy in Equestria, but I'm sure you'll be a fine teacher." She rested her hand on Sunset's shoulder. Sunset smiled.

"You mean that?" she asked. Twilight nodded.

"Hey," Twilight said, "what happened to the Wondercolt statue?"

"Uhhhhhh..." Sunset wasn't sure how to explain that. "Didn't you say you were busy in Equestria?" She pushed Twilight back through the portal. Ness, Lucas, and Porky laughed.

TO BE CONTINUED

In Which Porky Must Make a Friend

"PK ALARM!" Lucas shouted, waking Porky and Ness up suddenly. Cheerilee, the librarian, told him to be quiet. "Sorry, ma'am."

"What was that about?!" Porky asked. "It's Saturday!"

"We're in a world unfamiliar to all three of us," Lucas explained. "We need to find out more about where we are!"

"Let's explore!" Ness suggested.

"...we're in a library," Lucas said. "We could just--"

"EXPLORATION!" Ness ran out the door. Lucas and Porky looked at each other, shrugged, and followed him.

The boys' exploration began at what was left of the Wondercolt Statue. At this point, it was just a magical block of stone.

"You know," said someone from behind them, "that used to be a statue of a stallion." The three boys turned around to see Sunset Shimmer behind them.

"What are you doing here?!" Porky asked.

"And what happened to the statue?" Ness asked.

"I'm here because Twilight wanted me to tell you something," Sunset said to Porky. "And as for the statue...let's just say someone went a little...overboard with their obsession with magic."

"What did Twilight say?" Porky asked.

"She said that you needed to make some friends," Sunset explained.

"But I've already got two friends right here," Porky said, grabbing Ness and Lucas.

"You left me for dead twice and then tried to kill me," Ness said.

"And you killed half of my family and tried to end the world," Lucas said.

"Honest mistakes!" Porky said. "Anyone could've done them to you!"

"I doubt that," Ness and Lucas said in unison.

"She wants you to make friends from here," Sunset clarified.

"But it's Saturday!" Porky complained. "How am I supposed to meet any of my fellow students if they're not in school?!"

"I know a place," Sunset said, smiling.

The four of them arrived at the Sweet Shoppe. As one would typically expect from this place, several Canterlot High students were there.

"See?" said Sunset Shimmer. "There are lots of CHS students here. Now, go talk to one!"

"Um, okay..." Porky said, unsure of himself. He looked around the Sweet Shoppe, trying to find someone he'd never met. He eventually settled on an orange girl with purple hair and a leather jacket. Porky approached her cautiously. Ness and Lucas followed at a safe distance; Lucas was hoping Porky would succeed, while Ness had already bought a milkshake and was preparing to drink it smugly when Porky failed.

"Hi there!" Porky said. The orange girl turned around. Lucas held his breath and crossed his fingers. Ness put his mouth around the straw.

"Hm?" the girl said. "Oh, hello!" Lucas and Ness leaned in, waiting to see what would happen.

"We go to the same school, don't we?" Porky asked.

"Oh, yeah!" the girl said. "You were that kid who forced everyone onto that floating city."

Porky turned around and sat at a chair somewhere away from the orange girl. Lucas and Ness sat with him.

"That went well!" Lucas said, trying to reassure Porky.

"No it didn't," Ness said, taking a long sip of his shake.

"Yeah, you're right," Porky said, slamming his head down on the table. "This was a bad idea. I don't even need friends!"

"That's a lie and you know it," Ness told him, taking another sip of his milkshake. "Without friends, you turn into a literal devil-child."

"That was one time!"

"Hey, she's coming over this way!" Sunset Shimmer said. Porky pulled up his shirt collar. The orange girl flicked him. Porky didn't respond. She looked up at Lucas and Ness.

"Is he all right?" she asked.

"Better than usual," Ness said. "I'd kill Lucas' brother just to have him shut up for this long."

"Too soon," Lucas mumbled.

Two other girls came over. One was yellow with red hair, and the other was white with purple and pink hair.

"Wow, Porky," Ness said. "You're awful popular with the ladies." Porky stayed silent.

"I'll check his pulse," said the yellow one. She checked his pulse. "Yup, he's got a pulse."

"Porky!" Ness said. "Porky boy! Wake up! It's friendship time!" Porky didn't budge. Ness sighed. "Porky, you're the best friend I've ever had," he said, rolling his eyes. Porky jolted awake.

"You really mean that, Ness?" Porky asked, smiling a little. Everyone at the table cheered.

"Hey," said the orange girl. Porky turned to face her.

"What do you want?" he said bitterly.

"I'm...sorry about the whole 'flying city' thing," the orange girl said, rubbing the back of her head. "I didn't realize that was such a sore subject for you."

"Aw, look, she's apologizing," Ness said. "I'm sure you at least know what to do when someone apologizes."

"Refuse to be their friend, then try to kill them ten years in the past?" Porky snarked. Lucas let out a brief "HAH!" before falling on the ground, laughing.

"That was one time!" Ness said. "And there were other problems..."

Porky looked the orange girl in the eyes. "It's fine." Ness spit out his milkshake through the straw. Lucas laughed harder in victory.

"So, uh, what's your name?" the orange girl asked.

"Porky," said Porky.

"I'm Scootaloo," the orange girl said, smiling.

Ness and Lucas sat in front of the school, watching the sunset together.

"That sure was something, huh?" Lucas asked.

"Hey," said Ness, "if we're at a school, shouldn't we be going to classes?"

"What's a 'school?'" Lucas asked. Ness was shocked.

"You've never been to school?!" he asked.

"We never had one in Tazmily," Lucas answered.

"Wow," said Ness. "You were lucky."

"Sure smells like it," Lucas said. "My grandfather lives on a farm, and he smells better than most kids here." Ness laughed.

"It's nice to be able to just relax after preventing a huge crisis," Ness said. Lucas nodded.

"We should head back inside," Lucas said. "Who knows what Porky has gotten up to all alone in the library?"