Ben

I stroll along in the market, looking for someone to buy flour from.

Absolutely nothing happens on my journey there, and I soon find myself at Flower Flour's Flour & Flower shop.

I wait in line, which, surprisingly, is actually fairly long. I look around as I wait.

To my left, flours of every kind. To my left are tulips. Literally nothing but tulips. And a single, half-dead rose.

I muse over that rose. "It looks like it needs a home.. hm."

I think to myself, then resolve that if nopony else wants it, I'd get it.

Thankfully, the rampage of small colts tumbling through the tulips miss the rose by a hair. Maybe half a hair. Oh! Or even the length of half a half a half a hair! Then, as though reading the narrative description of the world, "Hi Ben!" A very loud, bubbly voice calls behind me.

I turn around to see who it is.

Here's Pinkie Pie! She grins just a tad wider, as though mentally winking to the narrator for that subtle reference.  "How are you? Oh! Oh! Are you buying flours? Or flowers?! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! You're buying flouwers!" She says while hopping up and down.

I smile. "Yup! I am, actually! I'm here to get a few bags of flour, and I'm planning on buying that rose, so I guess I am buying flouwers!"

She jumps up and freezes mid-air long enough to clap her hooves together. "Woo! Yeah!" She lands, "Who's the lucky filly?"

I shake my head. "Well, I was getting it for me, it looks like it needs a home, hm? But, I suppose..."

I think for a moment.

"..If I were to give it to someone, it would probably be... hm.. guess!"

She walks over and stares at the rose. "Hm... Hmmmm. HMMM!" She tilts her head slightly. "Maybe... Your sorta biggest admirer who hasn't actually said she admires you, but you kinda really hope she does but you're not sure at all, but then you could be wrong so she might admire you after all and you totally just wanna impress her with a flower even though you might not have even met her yet and if you don't even know who I'm talking about at ALLLLL!" She takes a huge breath, holding it with a wide grin.

I blink. "...run that by me one more time?"

She blinks before trotting away, "Nothing~" She says in a sing song voice.

"Bye!" She then hops out the open window near the open door.

I stare after her, still trying to process what she said.

The last pony in front of me finishes buying their flouwer-y goods and I step up. "Hm.. I'll take three large bags of flour, and that one lonely rose out there."

The mare stares at you for a moment, turns to the flours, "What kind of flour do you want?" She says slowly, her voice extremely calm and... Slow. Like being artificially slowed almost.

"Uh, all-purpose.. You alright, there, miss?"

She nods slowly. "Yes." Then trots at a snail's pace to the flours and starts looking at each bag for a full three seconds each.

Curious, I cast a quick, undetectable scanning spell Twilight taught me to find imbalances, magical or physical. I discover that...

She's slow. Very slow. So slow, it seems even her aging process has slowed to a crawl.

I scratch the back of my head. Whatever it was, that was a powerful spell she was under. Either of the highest unicorn magic, or semi-deity levels.

I make a mental note to go straight to Twilight's once I get everything home. Maybe she'll know what to do.

The mare is on the fourth bag,. On a distant shelf in the back, I can see All-Purpose just sitting on the bottom right of the shelf.

"Miss? I see All-Purpose on that shelf back there." I point to where it is, and the shelf lights up blue.

She blinks at the current bag of flour, stares back at me, then looks behind her to the back shelf. "Oh." She then starts the trot towards it. Moving at a flour bag a minute!

I mentally figure out that the amount of time it'll take her to get there would be...

Roughly thirty minutes, then the return would take the same amount of time

I nod to myself, then look to the pony behind me. "Would you mind saving my place if I went to get Princess Twilight, to see if she can help solve the problem?"

The stallion scoffs, "Of course. At this rate, I'll miss my appointment at the flower flouring contest!"

"Thanks. I'll be back as soon as I can." I concentrate, then snap my fingers, aiming to teleport just outside Twilight's castle.

The spell fails without a hitch.

I look around to see where I teleported to... I moved behind the stallion.

I grumble, trying again. The spell fails once more, not even moving me any this time.

I shake my head. "Manual it is." I take off at a run, heading to the castle. Thankfully, as Ponyville isn't super large, it's not too far.

Upon reaching the castle, I find a small note on the grand door.

I look closer.

"Dear Whoever is Concerned (Not that it even matters as everypony in this town never uses the bucking library),

The castle library was found to have a mold infestation, one that only occurs when the books are left sitting for an extended period of time. you illiterate mud horses. So until the sanitation department can clean it up, I, Princess Twilight will be staying in Canterlot Castle. Please forward all letters to your flank Princess Celestia or Princess Luna for further information.

Sincerely,

Princess Buck Your Mama Twilight Sparkle of Friendship and Sanitation Engineer Moldy Cheese"

I think for a while, trying to figure out who could get a message to Twilight.

"Hey, Pinkie?" I call out, knowing that she'll somehow hear me, because, Pinkie Pie.

A giant pink blob blots your vision from above, two eyes appearing from above me. "Hi Ben!" She cheers, "Did'ja call lil' ol' Pinkie?" I then feel the weight of her hooves on my back and shoulders.

I smile. "Thank goodness. Yes, I did!"

"I was wondering if you knew the fastest way to get a message to Twilight," I say, pointing to the note on the door.

She looks at the note, then looks directly back at me. "Ben, are you asking me to create a plot convenience?"

No, Pinkie. I'm wondering if you happen to know the location of either a certain mailmare, Rainbow dash, or if there's an alternate way to get a note to Twilight.

She nods, "Let's make sure we can do that first."

An event occurs that somehow feels like the fate of the world is being decided.

She looks back at me, "Yep!" Then hops away.

I stand there, confused. "Uh.. okay, then, so.." I stare out to where she'd left. "I guess I'll just wait here?"

"Nope!" She calls while crossing the surprisingly close horizon.

A moment later, Princess Celestia drops from the sky and lands beside me, her hooves cracking the ground below her. She stands up, nodding slightly to me, before her horn glows and Twilight appears in front of me. "You're welcome, Pinkie Pie!" She calls, waving at the horizon, before teleporting away.

Twilight blinks, glancing around very confusedly. "Wha.." She looks at me, "What?" Then to Canterlot in the distance, "What?!"

"Sorry, Twilight, I didn't mean for the sudden summoning. But, there's a problem here, one that's altering time itself upon a pony!"

She glances from me to Canterlot Mountain once more, "But..." She sighs, "Alright... What do you mean exactly?"

"The mare working at Flower Flour's Flour & Flower shop is slow. But that's not all. I used that scanning spell, and every single thing about her is slowed, including her aging process. It's like somepony just opened up settings and hit Speed:0.05 or something."

She blinks, "Huh? Settings?"

I facepalm. "The world itself is warped around the mare, and she seems to be stuck in a time-slow field of some kind, or possibly a spell of incredible strength."

She nods a little. "Alright... Lead the way."

I run alongside her as I head back to the shop.

I make my way past the line and point to the mare, who has almost reached the shelf of All-Purpose flour.

She walks over, "Uh... Miss?"

The mare takes a few minutes to respond. She starts slowly turning, "Oh my. You scared me." She says.

"See?" I say to Twilight.

Twilight furrows her brow, "Uhh... I..." She scratches her head, "What?"

"Not only that, it seems to be selective. Her voice isn't nearly as slow as the rest of her, so something's screwy about that."

"Also, her perception of the world seems to be narrowed. Everything seems normal time to her, meaning that this is almost certainly deliberate. Do you know any spells that can do this, or any powerful beings that could make this happen?"

"Oh sir, here is your flour." The mare turns and starts moving her hoof towards it.

"I..." Twilight's horn alights, the mare coated in her magic, "I have no idea! This magic makes zero sense! It's... Too chaotic and abnormal for the spell to properly read anything from it..."

"...Oh." I facepalm. "Of course."

She turns to me, "What?" Then her mouth opens slightly.

"Wait a moment..."

I sigh. "Yo, Discy D! What up, homie?"

The flour bag sprout eyes and horns, pushing the mares almost there hoof away. "Wha'id you say?!" He yells, tying a bandana around his snout and sporting two water uzis, "I think I'm feelin' a special, certain moment coming on!" The flour bag aims the uzis at me, standing on two chubby powder legs.

I pull a water glock out of seemingly nowhere. "I said, 'Yo, Discy D! What up, Homie!'. Clean out yo ears, Dawg!"

At this moment, Pinkie Pie hops by the window and gasps, "Madame Le Flour! No! Bad pastry ingredient!" She hops through the window and stands behind me and Twilight.

Discord starts cackling, "Oh! OH! That's rich, truly." He unzips the bag and steps out of it to his full size. "Ah, Princess Twilight, Pinkie Pie and Ben-a-dickt Cumberbatch!" He bows, "I am honored to be in your company."

I bow back. "Lord Discy. What's up?"

He holds out his talons in a fist, "Oh you know, swapping a few manes here, making dreams come through there. Harmony." He partly shrugs.

I raise an eyebrow. "And bending time."

He glances back to the mare, "Oh this fine assed damsel?" He leans back, using her as a chair as she slowly starts looking surprised. "Believe it or not, this is actually a favor to her." He lifts her tail and giggles as it slowly falls back down to cover her mare bits again.

I think about it. "Terminal disease or something?"

He pats her head, "Nope! She's about... eleven hundred years old." He stands up, holding his cheeks. "Oh! Perhaps a small story?"

I nod. "Alright, let's hear it."

He takes Twilight's head, "What, what, what, what-Bah! I thought you were more interesting that this." He puts her head on the shelf and fixing her body about to be a rudimentary throne. "Now... Pinkie dear, could you gather for me the items on this list?" He tosses her a paper airplane shaped like a brick.

"Yep!"

He cackles, "Excellent!" He clasps his hands in front of him, "Story time." He snaps his finger, whisking the world away, save for Twilight's shelf and me of course. "T'was a long time ago, longer now than it seems. In a place that perhaps you’ve seen in your dreams." He monologues. "This is the story of Miss Flour, or Miss Flower, I forget sometimes." The mare, a younger filly, pops into existence, smiling very happily. "She was lonely." She frowns.

"And hungry." She frowns more as her stomach recedes.

"And the world was very boring." A large gravestone falls on her, saying, "R.I.P. Flour Flower Flower Flour Flour  Flower, Died of being too bored for too long."

I nod.

The grave falls over, seeing to be a cardboard cutout. "So she went about her very boring, hungry and lonely life. All the way until she was an old, boring mare." A box falls on her, marked, 'Wrinkles and old crap like porta potties' She then crawls out of the box looking like an older Granny Smith. "Then I came into power!" A shimmer of rainbows waved over the world, and everypony was smiling and cheering as it rained dirt on the cotton candy ground.

"Wait a moment!" Twilight cries from the shelf, "You two know each other?!"

The world screeches, like a record forcibly stopped. "Interrupt me again, Twilight! See what happens!" Discord yells, holding his head in agony.

I shake my head. "Twilight, please let him finish the story."

The mare grumbly walks into a castle the size of a clown car, "B-But..." Twilight mumbles sadly.

"So she came to me and she said-she said, "Oh Lord of Happiness and Chaos, could you give this lonely old mare the ability to enjoy your wonderful world!" and I said yes."

The mare pops! Her skin burning away to reveal a young filly who cheered and hugged her Grand Lord of Greatness.

"That was very kind of you," I say.

He nods, "Oh the two sisters of boring and worst princess always made me up to be a evil no good doer. But that was never the case!" He pauses. "I did a little good! And had a lot of fun!"

I raise an eyebrow. "And there were no ulterior motives with this mare, yes?"

"Nope!" He crosses his arms, "I merely like..." He thought a moment, "An audience."

"Lord Discord!" She cheers slowly from the real world, "Have you come to use the spatula again?"

"Ignore her, she has dementia."

"I see. But, audiences are large. Why trouble yourself with one mare?"

He shrugs, "Why not?"

I deadpan. "Says the devious and calculating Lord of Chaos."

He snaps and the world returns. "Says the quote, 'babysitter'." He winks.

I raise an eyebrow, smiling. "Alright, I believe you. So... Can I have my flour?"

He picks up the empty bag, "Oooh, too bad. That was the last bag." He wraps it around my head like a hat. "It fits you very well though."

"...Can I have a word in this?" Twilight mutters from the shelf.

"Of course." Discord snaps his fingers and disappears.

I admire my new hat. "Well. Pinkie, do you have any extra flour I could buy off you?" I look, but Pinkie’s gone.

I turn to the mare. "Oh, and I'll just take the rose. I can get it myself. How much?"

I levitate the rose to the counter so that the mare can see it.

She slowly walks over to the counter, "Yes..." She says, "That will be..." She counts the flower. "One bit."

I smile, leaving two bits. "Thank you." I take my rose, and out I go.

She looks down and smiles slightly. "Thank you." She responds.

I leave, not having actually solved anything, but hey, I got my rose! I decide to head home and drop off my rose before starting on anything else today.

After putting my rose in the middle of the table and watering it a bit, I decide to go find Pinkie to see if I can get some flour from her.

I find her waiting outside my front door, "Hi!" she says happily

I blink in surprise. "Oh, hi, Pinkie! I was just coming to find you, actually~ I was wondering if you had any spare all-purpose flour I could buy off you, since the store was out."

“Yep.” She nods and drops a 50 kg bag of flour from... Sorta nowhere. It just dropped over her side.

"Woah, that's a lot of flour." I stare at it in wonder. "Where did you- No, nevermind. Hammerspace." I pull out the pouch, which is still very full of bits. "How much do you want for it?"

"Nope!" She then hops away merrily.

"P-Pinkie! Hey, come back!"

She skids to a stop mid-air. "What?"

I cross my arms. "I gotta show you my appreciation, at least. Hm.."

She hums. "Well....:

I then get an idea that would definitely make her smile. "How about... hugs? Can I pay you in hugs?"

She grins widely, "Can you?!"

I hug her tightly. She's warm and very soft, and she smells like candy. Just one short hug is one of the most amazing things ever.

She stands up on her hind legs and hugs me back. "Aww! You're such a sweetie! And we thought you were only interested in fillies!" She giggles.

I flinch. "W-what? Who's 'we'? And how do you know that?" I pause. "And didn't you witness my falling head over heels for Derpy?"

She tilts her head, "Huh? I mean the whole town knows that you're like... Totally into Derpy. She's a filly right?" She tilts her head the other way, "Or is she a stallion..."

I shook my head. "She's a mare… And, may I ask how the whole town knows I'm into Derpy?"

She shrugs, "Same difference. They have the same parts."

She perks up, "Oh! Sweetie told everyone about it. Along with how nice you were to let her sleep with you!" She grins happily.

I sweat drop. "You're kidding, right?"

She tilts her head the other way, "Why would I kid about you being a super duper babysitter of uber? Everypony's talking about how great you are!" She smiles.

"Oh, okay!" I perk up. In my happiness, I give Pinkie another hug. "Thanks a bunch, that makes me really happy to know that~"

She nods. "Mhm!"

I hesitate a moment. "So, Pinkie?"

"...When you say everypony in town, you don't mean that Derpy's been told about how head over heels I am for her, right?"

She stares at me and hums, "Uhh..."  She looks at the ceiling in thought, "Oh! I told her half an hour ago, mhm yep!"

I sigh. "Great." I shake my head. "Well... how'd she respond?"

She shrugs, "I dunno."

"You don't know?"

"Nope!"

"Why not?"

"Because!"

"Because why? Pinkie, are you not telling me something?"

"Yep!"

"Well, can you please tell me?"

"Nope!"

"Why not?"

"Because!"

I sigh, any enthusiasm I had sinking into my shoes. "Okay.."

She frowns, "Aw, don't be so sad! She was really surprised about the Sweetie Belle thing!"

I nodded kinda sadly. "I expect so...Pinkie, can you please, just tell me why you can't tell me, if you won't tell me what her reaction was?"

She shakes her head, "Nope. Pinkie Promised!"

"...You know, you could'a just said that, you goof." I chuckled softly. "I thought you were hiding something bad that happened."

She frowns, "What kinda bad could I have been hinting at with what I said?"

"Like, maybe she said she hated me or something? I don't know, people come up with crazy things when you're left guessing."

She tilts her head, frown turning to confused smile, "Why would she hate you for being a super duper babysitter uber?" She giggles, "And ponies say I'm silly!"

I smiled. "Well, I kiiind of got a little too excited when I first saw her, I think you know why, and I mighta made her think I'm weird." I laughed gently. "I have terrible luck when it comes to her."

She giggles, "Because your breath smells REAAALLY bad?"

I look at her. "No, really, Pinkie."

She gives me a sad frown, "I know, Ben." She stands back up and hugs you again. "It's okay though, we all love you. Or at least I do. And pretty sure Sweetie does. Scootaloo... Ehh... and Derpy is a maybe." She nods and boops your nose with her nose. "But it'll be okay, promise."

I blush. "Wait, did you really just confess your love for me?"

She giggles and waves her hoof, "Well of course! I love all my friends like close family! Or spouses? Spices? Speec?" She frowns, tapping her lower lip in thought, "Specks?"

I laugh. "Oh, I thought you meant, like, Special Somepony love." I shake my head. "You goofball."

She giggles, "Oh no, I already have Special Someponies."

"Someponies? You have more than one? Who?"

She winks, "That's more than anypony else knows already, Ben-Ben, don't push your luck~"

"But I like pushing my luck, it's fun!" I wink back. "Heh, alright, I'll leave it alone. For now," I tease. "But I'll learn someday!" I declare, poking her gently in the side.

She giggles, "Sure you will." Then she winks, "Any whoodle doodle, I gotta go."

"Alright, see you later. Oh, wait, before you go, do you know where Derpy is?"

She hums, "Uh..." Her ear flops twice, then she stomps her back left hoof three times. "Check her house."

I raise an eyebrow. "Uh... where's that?"

She points North-Northwest of my house. "That way."

"Ah, thanks."

She smiles, "No problem!"

As she bounces away, I muse over whether or not I should go see Derpy. Any way it went, it was gonna be awkward. Hmm...

My eyes fall on the bag of flour, and then an idea hits me. "Peace offering, perfect!" I wave my hand, my coat hanging itself up while an apron flies off the rack, putting itself on me neatly. I roll my sleeves up. "Let's get started."

I admire the racks and racks of muffin-filled pans as they sat and cooled.

"That should be enough."

I count how many dozen I have.

"...Twelve dozen muffins." I stare. "I think that's a new record."

I shake myself, then realize that I am covered in sweat from working in a hot kitchen.

"I should probably shower."

I go off to shower.

As I approach my bathroom door, I hear a loud clattering and banging inside.

I cautiously open the door.

I find Sweetie Belle, covered in various bathroom things, like soap and toothpaste.

"Uh, Sweetie? What are you doing?"

She giggles nervously. I raise my hand, doing my best to extract the various bathroom things from her coat and mane with my magic. The spell fails, leaving her still a mess.

I sigh. "Sorry, my magic's still a work in progress. What exactly are you doing in my bathroom..?"

Above her I spot the bathroom window, wide open. "...Hi..."she squeaks.

"Hi," I respond. "Why'd you break into my bathroom?" I laugh gently. "I don't keep my bits in here, and the muffins are in the kitchen."

She blushes, "Uh..."

I try to hold back a smile. "Well? I won't tell anypony, don't worry."

"I wanted to visit you..."

"Aww. Well, you know, you can visit me whenever you like, but next time, the front door might be a liiittle easier."

I raise an eyebrow, grinning. "Unless you were trying to catch me in the bathroom. You wouldn't be trying to do that, hmm?"

She blushes, looking away. "N-No..."

I wink. "Sure. You just couldn't figure out how to open my door, of course, and went for the nearest window. Obviously."

She frowns, blushing redder, "T-Th-That's n-not it..."

"Oh, it isn't? Well, do tell, what is the reason?"

She huffs, crossing her forelegs. "Nunya..."

"Isn't it, though? You kinda broke into my bathroom." I give a reassuring smile. "It's okay, you can tell me."

She blushes even redder, bringing the image of a female Big Mac to mind, "I was a little curious I guess... I mean you're not a stallion so..." She trails off a little, "...yeah..."

"Curious about what, Sweetie?"

"What you look like and stuff..."

"What I look like?"

She nods a little. "Yeah.."

"What do you mean by that? You know what I look like."

She stares at her hooves. "Like... You know how mares and stallions wander around without any kinda clothes?"

I nod. "Mhm."

She nods and stares at me.

"You mean, you want to see me with my clothes off."

She pauses for a moment.

Then she nods. "Yes."

I kneel beside her. "Sweetie, this is important. I'll show you, but you can't ever tell anypony or we'll both get in a lot of trouble. Okay?"

She nods, "Okay!"