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                            Ben                            
                -by SpiritOfDancingFlames-                 
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                  Chapter One. (Act One)                   
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Chapter One. (Act One)
Greetings.
This is the story version of an ongoing roleplay with us, Pathos and myself, SpiritOfDancingFlames. It’s done from my perspective, yes, but it starts abruptly. This is because it’s how we started it. It will be confusing at first, but you will understand it more as you go along. If you’re really lost and can’t or don’t want to wait around for background, just ask me in a PM. I’ll warn you upfront, this story got turned upside down and around very quickly. It was originally meant to be a bit of clop and randomosity, but it quickly turned into something… well, you’ll see.
This is originally written in a convoluted First/Second Person form where my entries are first person my perspective, and Pathos’ entries are kind of omniscient second person.
Copying and pasting this from Discord (the program, not the draconequus), and then editing it all, was one heck of a pain. I’m not certain we got it all, so if you find any errors in Point of View, any missing sections of the story, or any other errors, do feel free to let us know.
Oh, and if some ponies randomly act OOC or do random things that seem to be way off, I probably got a bad dice roll.
"Oh thank you ever so much, Ben!" Rarity flicked her mane, "I can't express to you how lucky I am that you can babysit dear Sweetie Belle for me this evening."
We’d met at Pinkie's welcome party for me, held a few months ago, and hit off fairly well. After learning I was a professional babysitter back home, she was more than happy to ask me to babysit Sweetie Belle while she went on a business trip.
"Nah, Rarity, you don't have to thank me." I chuckle. "I told you, I like hanging out with little kids. I used to do it all the time back on Earth."
She giggles in her rare way, "Oh, such a charmer. Either way, I'm afraid I must be away now. Fame and fortune wait not for anypony, not even one as beautiful as oneself." She chuckles, holding a hoof to her chest. "Now remember, Sweetie's bedtime is eleven thirty. While she doesn't have school in the morning, I'd still like for you to adhere to that schedule if you can. Otherwise, help yourself to the kitchen and to my personal quarters when you retire for the evening." She glances around. "And do try not to help yourself to my dresser if you could. And if Sweetie is too... Rambunctious for you, Applejack said she'd be more than happy to take her in."
She gathers up her luggage in her magic and starts skipping away, "Oh and I told Sweetie she could have her little friends over, feed Opal for me, buh-bai~!" The door slams behind her, leaving me standing in the foyer of her home. Sweetie isn’t in the living room, but I think I saw her heading for her room.
I walk up after her, bobbing my head absentmindedly to the music in it. I stop outside the shut door that I'm pretty sure leads to her room. I knock twice. "Hey, Sweetie? You in here?"
Her voice calls from the other side of the hall. "Huh?"
I turn around to see Sweetie staring at me. "Oh, uh... Sorry, I thought this was your room."
She blinks from her place, holding the door across the hall open, before giggling. "That's the bathroom, silly." She giggles and waves me over, "This is my room over here."
"Oh, okay." I facepalm.
She giggles before trotting out into the hall, leaving her room open behind her. "You were looking for me?" She smiles up at me.
"Mhm, I was! I just wanted to sit back and chat, or play games, so we can get to know each other. I might be your sitter, but that doesn't mean we can't have fun together, right?" I lean nonchalantly against the wall.
She blinks twice, her mouth slightly parting. "Really?" She giggles and stands on her back hooves, wrapping her forelegs around my waist. "C'mon! I have a ton of games in my room!"
"Sweet!" I hug her gently, then follow her into her room. "Hey, nice setup you got here."
Against the left wall is her uncommonly large, queen-sized bed, frills and pinks and purples coloring her bed. To the right is a dresser, covered in photos of her, Rarity and her friends. Directly in front of me is a shelf with various board games on it, not to mention the toy trunk off to the side of it. "Here!" She trots over into the center of the room, where a smaller table and chair system is laid out. "Uhh..." She stares, looking from the chairs to me, "You can sit on my bed." She sits down on the nearer chair.
I laugh. "Yeaaaah, those chairs might be jus' a wee bit small for me." I sit on the side of her bed. "So, what game you wanna play?"
She furrows her brow, "Erm... I dunno... What would you like to play?"
I raise an eyebrow. "Uh, Sweetie?" I cough gently. "I'm from Earth. I don't know what games there are here..."
She cringes, "O-Oh... Right..." She shifts her gaze down at her hooves, fiddling her forehooves awkwardly for a moment. She quickly perks up, "Oh! Then I'll show you all I have!" She gallops over to the shelf and points excitedly, "Do you like board games?"
"I do, actually!" I smile at her excitement. "Why don't you pick your favorite one?"
She runs over and gathers up chutes and ladders. I cringe inwardly, but put on a smile. "Oh, we've got that game on Earth! I recognize it."
She grins widely, "Really?!" Her voice cracks, her enthusiasm pointing at the thought that maybe she took it as me really liking the game. "It's my absolute favorite game too!"
She trots over and starts setting it up on the table, after scooching the table closer to me.
Just glancing at the board makes me mentally nauseous, but I crack a grin and pick out the blue piece and set it down. I lay the spinner off to the side of the board. "You can go first, Sweetie."
She giggles, "You’re first!"
I flick the spinner. Two. I move my piece. "Well, I didn't get very far. Your turn!"
She giggles and cheers. "Yay!"
She moves her piece to Five.
~Time passes~
I flick the spinner. Three. I move my piece from 84 to 24... Again. I groan.
She giggles, "Sorry~" She doesn't sound sorry as she flicks the spinner, as well as her mane as she looks up in what looks like pure joy as she spins a three. Going from 96 to 99. She blinks before slamming her hooves on the ground. "Buck!"
She blinks before yelping, "E-Er..."
"..."
She stares awkwardly at me, lightly blushing.
I raise an eyebrow. "Colorful language, there, Sweetie. Where'd you learn that word?"
Her mouth moves up and down slowly, almost ghosting mine. "U-Uh..."She stutters, "U-Uh... You w-won't tell Rarity w-will you..?" She messes with her tail a little. "She says it isn't lady like and gets really upset when I say bad words...”
I smile and shake my head. "I won't."
She smiles, "Thanks...” She walks over and gives me a hug. "You're pretty nice." She giggles, sitting back down. "Er...” She points behind me.
"Hm?" I look behind me. There's nothing there.
"Uh, what? I don't... see anything..? I look back at her.
She's smiling very widely, "O-Oh. That's nice." She gets up and stretches, "W-Well, I think I'm kinda hungry. What's for lunch?" Her piece is on 100.
I chuckle. "Nice one."
She blushes, turning away from me.
I smile and crouch next to her. "Hey, Sweetie?"
From this angle, I can vaguely see the hint of her plot. Just a little rise in her skin to show that it's there, but the rest is hidden behind her tail. "Hm?" She turns her head back to me. "Yes?"
I smile and boop her on the nose. "Boop!"
Her nose creases before she sniffles. "W-Whu...” Tears start dripping down her cheeks, "Why did you do...?" Her words are soon lost in sobs as she cries in place.
I back up, unsure what to do. I didn't expect that. "I'm sorry, sorry, I was just playing..." I groan. "Shoot, Sweetie, I'm sorry...”
Either she can't hear me or she can't stop crying long enough to even attempt to acknowledge me. I think for a moment, then I get an idea. I sit next to her, humming a song I knew. It has a very soothing sound, and I hope that it would be enough to calm her down.
Her sobs are turned into sputtering lip flappings, her eyes opening slowly as she tries to look at me. She sniffles a couple times before laying down on her side and resting her head on my leg. I continue humming, gently resting a hand on her back, stroking her gently as I try to calm her down.
She sniffles one last time, wrapping her forelegs around my leg. "Sorry... I don't know what came over me... I know you were trying to have fun but it was like... At the moment..." She sighs, "I don't even know..."
"It's alright, Sweetie. If anything, I should be sorry. I should've asked first."
She shakes her head and pulls away, sitting on her haunches. She stares at me for a moment.
She then flashes out, her hoof moving like a blur. "Boop." She says softly, booping my nose with a small smile.
I laugh. "Hey!" I boop her nose back. "You're it!"
She blinks, "Huh? It?" She tries to boop me again.
I couldn't move out of the way fast enough, and her hoof connects with my nose. “Aw, you got me!" I smile. "It's a boop war! If I boop you, you gotta boop me, and if you boop me, I gotta boop you back!"
I boop her on the nose again. "Like that! Boop!"
She stares before giggling. "Oh okay!" She boops me. "Boop!"
I boop her again, then quickly get up. "Bet'cha can't catch me!" I back up a few steps, preparing to bolt.
She growls a little, leaning into a pouncing pose. "Don't you doubt my boopablity!" She puns horribly, smiling and giggling. She jumps at me, her boop hoof ready.
I duck, booping her as I move away. "Got you again!"
She frowns, a serious air popping the happy bubble around her. "I will boop you if it kills you." She scrapes her hoof against the ground, as though pretending to be a bull.
"Oh, dear." I get up, ready to run.
She pounces, grappling around my waist and tugging at my trousers lightly. She then starts shimmying up my body. "Boop... Boop... Boop..." She mutters under her breath in increasing repeating speed as she gets ever so closer to my face, moving at an entire belly button per twenty seconds!
I gasp and brace myself for what was coming.
She's... Still trying to climb me and failing miserably. But she's determined! Until she frowns and boops the first thing she can touch, "Boop." She grumbles, booping my crotch, before jumping off you and sitting grumpily on the ground in front of you.
I feel my crotch stir a little, thankfully I was wearing jeans and it can't be seen. "Aw, you got me!" I pretend to die and fall over on the ground.
She giggles, climbing up and laying on your chest like a cat. "I like you." She nuzzles my cheek. "You're fun."
I wrap an arm around her, gently ruffling her mane. "Aww, thank you, Sweetie. You're pretty fun, too." I smile, trying to ignore the slight growth in my jeans as I notice how close her plot is to it.
She giggles. "You're sweet too. But I was honest earlier, I'm actually pretty hungry." she frowns, pouting slightly. "Maybe you could order a hay pizza? With extra dandelions?"
I nod, grinning as I stand, then scoop her up, holding her in my arms. "Alrighty, let's do that!" I walk out of her room, headed for the kitchen.
She giggles. "Yay!"
I put her on my shoulders, her forehooves resting on my head as I dial the phone.
"Hello, this is Ponyville Pizza Parlor, how may I help you?"
"Yes, I'd like to order a hay pizza with extra dandelions, and a large lettuce salad, to be delivered to Carousel Boutique."
The mare on the phone clears her throat. "Alright, one hay pizza with extra dandelions, large salad... Carousel Boutique. Gotcha! It'll be delivered by mail mare shortly. Anything else?"
I look up at Sweetie. "Anything else?"
She shakes her head. "Eenope."
"Alright, that's it!" I answer.
She laughs lightly. "That'll be twenty seven bits."
There’s a momentary pause. "O-Oh wait a moment... I miscalculated. That'll be eight bits!" She chuckles nervously.
I felt my heart restart. "Oh, yikes. You scared me there for a second!" I chuckled. "That's alright, all's well that ends well."
She sighs, "Thank you sir. Your pizza will arrive shortly." Dial tone.
Sweetie leans over, her lower filly lips pressing against the back off your neck, warm and moist. She peers down from above, her face upside down in your vision. "Did’ja order it?"
I smile up at her cute face. "Yes, I did!"
She cheers, "Yay! Oh! Oh! We should set the table!" She shifts, flinching as her filly bits rub awkwardly against my neck. "E-Er uh... Could you put me down for a bit?"
I nod. "Sure." I pick her up and gently put her on the ground.
She stands there for a moment. "Right. Uh..." She glances around. "I needed this." She picks up a coaster, holding it close to her chest like her life depended on it.
I chuckle. "Alrighty. Anything else you need?"
She puts the coaster back down before shaking her head. "Oh! Oh! We should just sit down and talk!" She hops up on the couch and stares at me. "Hi!" Her voice cracks.
Smiling, I sit beside her. "Hi! How are you doin'?"
She nods. "I'm doing pretty good." She scruffs against the couch with her hoof. "How are you doing?"
"I'm doing pretty good, too. Anything interesting happen lately?"
She smiles. "Oh, I met my cool new babysitter! He's pretty nice and he got me a pizza."  She giggles. "Oh! And Scootaloo's birthday was a couple months ago, she's fourteen now."
I chuckle. "That's cool. How long 'til your birthday?"
"A month."
"Ooh, that's pretty close."
She nods. "Mhm!"
"Hmm... So, what do you want to do until the pizza arrives?"
She hums to herself. "We could play outside. Or read a book."
I look outside, it's a little dark, but it's not too dark. "I guess we could play outside, sure!"
She cheers. "Yay!'
I get up and follow her as she happily dashes for the door.
She bolts outside and looks around, "Okay! Wanna... Uh... I'm not sure."
Chuckling, I look around, too. "Well, what do you usually play outside?"
She stops. "I usually just try to get my cutie mark with my friends but... they're busy at the moment...”
"Ah, okay. Hm... Do you do anything else outside? Any games?"
I think for a moment. "...Or, we could go try for a Cutie Mark!"
She perks up. "Really? Oh! Oh! What should we try?!"
"Hm.... What kind of Cutie Marks can you get at night?"
She sighs. "I dunno..."
I mull it over, then snap as I come up with an idea. "We could try for stargazing!"
She smiles. "Stargazing? What kind of Cutie Mark could I get in that?"
"Probably a pretty one, with all kinds of stars!" I smile.
She awes. "Oh cool!" She glances up, but it's not quite dark enough yet. "Aw...”
"Well, maybe we can do it once we get our pizza. It should be here soon, I think."
As though summoned from divine intervention, rapid flapping.  "Look out!" somepony calls above me.
I quickly wrap an arm around Sweetie in protection, and hold my other hand out. A blue glow surrounds it as I try to stop the falling pegasus.
I somehow manage to freeze the pegasus mare in mid-air, mere inches from my face. I let her down gently. "You okay?"
The grey mare blinks her eyes googling around in their sockets before one manages to align with your face. "Uh..." Her misaligned eyes shrink to pinpricks. "H-Hello there... S-sir..." She audibly gulps, looking you head to toe. "N-Nice... Shoes you have there."
I gasp lightly. "Derpy? Derpy Hooves?"
She yips, "U-Uh..." She fiddles the pizza off her back and hoofs me the only slightly beat up box. "P- Please d-d-don't eat me..." She hoofs me the pizza.
I set the pizza aside, hugging her. "You've no idea how happy I am to see you!"
She freezes up slightly, "H-Huh?"
I let go, smiling at her. "You're an inspiration to me."
"Despite having your eye problem and your discoordination, you carry on. You help to remind me that it's great to be different." I laugh nervously. "Sorry if this is a bit weird, I know you've never seen me before."
Her mouth moves wordlessly, her brow furrowing in amusing ways.
"S-sorry, I hope I didn't frighten you. You're just... You're Derpy. You're amazing."
She cracks a small smile, "R-Really..? I... you..." She sits down slowly, as though fearing she'll fall through the world.
I nod, smiling, and I can't help but hug her again.
She wraps her hooves around me as well. "Thank you..." Your shoulder feels a tad damp.
I feel a tug on my shirt. "U-Uh... Are you two special someponies?" Sweetie asks from behind me, "And are you gonna do the special dance? Rarity usually does that in her room."
I smile, turning to Derpy. "Well? Are we?" I laugh gently.
She rapidly shakes her head, "N-no, we just met..." She glances away awkwardly. "How could you even suggest..." She mumbles softly.
I blink, surprised. "I-er, I meant Special Someponies not...” I glance at Sweetie, who's sitting there with a confused look. "..Sorry."
They're both just staring at me quietly, "So... This is our pizza right?"
"Um, yep! Would you mind taking it in for us, Sweetie? I'll be in in a moment. I have to pay," I look at Derpy. "And maybe chat for a minute. Is that alright?"
She nods, taking the pizza inside. Derpy rubs her forelegs with her hoof, "Er... Yeah. It's fine."
I scratch the back of my head awkwardly. "So, sorry about that... I didn't mean to make you think I was asking for that... I meant to teasingly ask you to be my Special Somepony since she brought it up."
She nods, looking at her very interesting hooves. "Yeah I... Yeah..."
I blink as a sudden thought comes to me. "Oh, wait. Do you already have one? I didn't even think to ask, I'm sorry." I chuckle awkwardly. "I guess I got a little excited, seeing you in person for the first time. Meeting your idols never quite goes as well as expected, huh?"
She shakes her head, "N-No. He uh..." She trails off. "What do you mean by 'idol'...?"
"I mean, I look up to you, you're one of the most amazing mares ever. You carry on despite any shortcomings you have, and you're... you're you. What's not to love?" I feel a slight heat in my cheeks. "Sorry if this seems a bit weird...”
She shakes her head slightly, "I don't understand... Are you..." She sputters slightly, "Have you been stalking me?"
My eyes open wide as I realize that it's exactly what it sounds like.
"No, it's... okay, well, I'm not sure if you'd believe me if I told you. Want to hear a crazy story?"
She furrows her brow, opening her mouth. "C'mon!" Sweetie yells behind us, "The food's getting cold!" Derpy flinches.
Derpy scoffs before chuckling. "I uh... How about you tell me that story over a slice of pizza?"
I smile. "I was about to ask if you wanted to. C'mon in," I offer.
She smiles and follows me inside.

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                  Chapter Two. (Act One)                   
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Chapter Two. (Act One)
I open the box, removing my salad. "Sweetie, does Rarity have any Caesar dressing?" I ask as I grab a pizza cutter and begin slicing the pizza.
"No! She says it's bad for your figure!"
I frown. "Aw. Any other salad dressings?" I put a few slices on a plate, passing them to Derpy. "There you are," I smile.
"She has vinegar."
"Aw. That's alright, I'll just have it by itself." I put a few slices on a plate for Sweetie.
She digs in with the veracity of the vaguely hungry child of a fashionista.  "So... Tell me this funny story." Derpy says, calmly chewing her pizza.
I sigh "Okay. This is gonna sound crazy as all heck, but bear with me."
She nods slowly. "You look pretty crazy so... Then again, I can't really talk."
Her right eye drifts around like a free spirited child in its socket.
I chuckle. "Crazy's my middle name."
"So, I'm a human, from Planet Earth. I came here... through some interesting circumstances. I actually have no idea why or how I got here to be honest." I munch on a lettuce leaf before continuing. "And, well, what's weird is... I knew about Equestria before I ever came here."
She stares.
Well half of her stares, the other half is very interested in the ceiling.
"In my world, it's a cartoon. A show on television. And let me tell you, you are a very popular mare. You're actually one of the most popular ponies, you have thousands of fans."
I smell a little funny thing... Her skepticism. Despite that, I carry on, hoping she could somehow believe me. "And... Ever since I saw you, and learned your story, I..." I blush. "... I kind of fell in love."
I look her in the eyes- well, one of her eyes. "Do you ever wish on stars?"
Her mouth slowly gapes before closing her mouth slowly nodding.
"Well, I..." I look at Sweetie, who's listening, too, as she munches on her pizza. "Sweetie, would you mind giving us a minute? You can take your pizza to your room if you like."
She stares, looking vaguely annoyed. "Sure." She stands up, pushing the plate with the pizza on it on her butt, and walks into the next room.
I sigh, watching her go. "She'll be annoyed at me, but I didn't really want her to hear." I look back at Derpy. "Before I came to Equestria... I was suicidal. I hated myself, because I was weird, I was too hyper for my age."
I grimace. "This might sound a bit weird, but... you were kind of the best thing that ever happened to me, back on Earth, Or at least the idea of you. You kept me going, for a while at least. Every night, I wished on a star that you were real, that I could meet you, a pony that would understand me better than anyone else could."
Her eyes soften a little, her ears flopping.
I look down at the table, absentmindedly scratching the back of my neck.
"...But...things took a bad turn." I paused a second.
"I came to Equestria by trying to die."
"I jumped in front of a bus, one day, when I just couldn't take it anymore. I guess that'd be like jumping in front of a carriage, here, trying to be trampled. Just before it hit me, there was this... white light. And then I appeared in the middle of Ponyville."
She frowns, looking away. "Sorry..."
I shake my head. "It's okay. It was, well, everything I ever needed to feel good again.  I've been here a few months, and I'm happier than I've ever been." I smile. "And now I've met you. I guess stars do grant wishes after all, huh?"
She sighs, holding a hoof to her forehead. "I... You're right, that was a crazy story." She stands up, putting her empty plate on the table. "But... I have two daughters at home and I have a job I should be doing." She flexes her wings, wincing as she nudges a lamp, but thankfully doesn't knock it over. "Maybe we'll see each other around some time?"
I smile slightly. "Alright. Thanks for listening. Sorry for the inconvenience, and, well, sounding like a crazy stalker at the beginning, eheh...”
She nods. "Yeah, it's fine. Just keep the stories for bedtime huh?" She chuckles. "Thank you for the pizza, I owe you one."
I shake my head. "Nah, you don't owe me anything." My smile goes up, just a tiny bit. "Thank you, Derpy. For... everything."
She smiles, turning and heading for the door. "I'll show myself out." She walks to the door.
"And ponies say I'm weird..." She mumbles under her breath before opening the door "Bye!" She waves one hoof before leaving entirely.
As soon as she leaves, I let my head smack on the table. "Stupid." SMACK "Bloody." SMACK "Idiot!" SMACK
"U-Uh..." Sweetie mumbles from the doorway to the other room. "Are you... Okay?"
"Not really," I mumble. "I kind of just messed up bigtime and made the one pony I like most think that I'm really, really weird."
Sweetie frowns, walking over and sitting next to me. "Oh... Sorry... Was it my fault..?"
I pick my head up, wincing as it stings when I touch it. I look over at sweetie, shaking my aching head. "No, I just said more than I should've all at once. Thank you, so much, for being so sweet, Sweetie."
She smiles, leaning into my side. "I'm not that sweet... One time I ended up running my crush away from school by yelling too loudly at Diamond Tiara..."
I put an arm around her. "I'm sorry." I glance over at the pizza box. "Do you want a few more slices?"
She nods. "Mhm."
I take her empty plate, putting a few more slices on it and handing it to her. "Here you go!"
I grab my salad, munching on it.
She smiles and starts eating. "So... Who was that mare anyway?"
I smile back at her. "That was Derpy Hooves, the greatest mailmare you'll ever meet."
She glances at the door, "Really? She seemed... Mean."
I shake my head. "No, I just said some things that were kind of awkward and hard to take in all at once. She's very nice, I just... weirded her out."
She nods. "Alright...” She yawns, laying her head on my arm.
I rub her mane. "You seem tired. You should probably head to bed soon, alright?"
She shakes her head, "Nooo... It's only..." She waves her hoof around. "Early. Besides, we need to watch the stars."
I chuckle. "Alright. But first, we gotta do these dishes, mkay?"
She nods. "Okay!" She hops up and gathers up her and Derpy's dishes, almost running to the kitchen.
I smile at her enthusiasm, following after her with my salad bowl.
She nudges them on the counter with her nose. "I can't reach the sink..."
I laugh gently. "That's alright, I can do them." I put the dishes in the sink, and soon have them washed. I dry them with a towel, then look around. "Um, Sweetie? Do you know where these go?"
She looks around, "Uh..." She then points with a hoof at one of the cabinets. "That one I think."
I pat her on the head. "Thanks, Sweetie." I put the dishes away, then smile. "Alright! You ready to go stargazing?"
She nods, then we head outside. It's just dark enough that the stars are starting to come out, but it's already amazing. I smile. "This is my favorite part of being in Equestria. The night is so beautiful."
Sweetie looks up and her mouth drops. "Wow... I've never really looked at the sky at night, Rarity usually has me in bed already."
I think for a second. "There's a hill I like to go out and stargaze on, it's a little outside Ponyville. You want to go there?" I ask. "I swear, the sky gets even more beautiful there."
She nods happily. "Mhm!"
"Cool!" I smile. "Let's go, here, I'll lead the way." I raise my hand, blue magic lighting the way as I start walking.
She raises an eyebrow while following me. "How'd you learn to do that anyway?"
I looked at my hand. "Uh... I'm not sure. Princess Twilight was pretty curious about it, too. It just kind of... came to me, instinct, I guess." I shrugged helplessly. "She went on and on about portals to Equestria and adhering to the magic flow of the planes and ... a bunch of scientific stuff that made my brain hurt." I chuckle. "But I think she said that if I was a pony, I'd be a unicorn, so I guess that must be why."
She nods slowly. "I don't get it."
I smile. "Neither do I, but hey, I have magic. It's cool."
She smiles. "What is the most you can do with it?" She asks sweetly.
I think about it for a second. "Uh, I'm not sure, I haven't tried. Hm... I wonder if I can make magical constructs...”
My hand flashes blue, and I immediately run into a transparent blue wall.
"...Ow."
She giggles. "That looked funny."
I try to look at my own nose. "Is my nose still on right?"
She squints, "Uh... I dunno."
"I hope so..." I shake my head, then grin. "But, you're right. That was kinda funny."
She skips forward, fighting back another yawn.
I smile. "You want me to carry you?"
She slows down a little, "Uh..." She shakes her head, "N-No... I'm fine, thank you."
I nod. "Alright, just as long as you won't be too tired to see all this." I gesture to the sky, which, though not yet completely filled, is even prettier than before.
She scoffs, "A lady is never too tired to please a stallion at night." She giggles a moment afterwards, "I heard Rarity say that to one of her Special Someponies when he was visiting her once."
I raise an eyebrow. "I see. And were you supposed to be in bed at that time, hmm?"
She trips, yelping lightly. "U-Uh... No."
I chuckle. "Suuure."
We come upon a wide, sturdy bridge, a long one that spans a gorge. "It's just on the other side of the bridge, then we'll be there."
She nods and follows me.
We get to the hill, and I help her up the slightly steep side to the top. I lay back, and am met with the amazing sight of Luna's perfectly-crafted night sky.
I sigh happily. "Beautiful."
She sits off to the side of me. "Wow... It really is."  She lays back on her... Well her back, revealing the tipity nips of her crotch.
I remember just how thankful I am that I'm wearing jeans.
She sighs. "It's nice out here."
She shivers, "It's a little chilly though..."
"Hmm... I didn't bring any blankets...” I muse.
"You want to come snuggle next to me?"
She doesn't answer for a couple minutes, shivers twice, then scooches over and snuggles into my side under my arm.
I smile, gently ruffling her hair. She stays there, one eye peeping out at the sky. "This is nice..."
"Mm, it is, isn't it?" I laugh softly. "I'm glad you're liking it. Are you happy I'm your babysitter?"
She nods into my side. "Mhm...”
I chuckle. "You getting tired, there?"
She shakes her head. "Noo...”
I raise an eyebrow. "You sure? ‘Cuz you look pretty tired to me."
"No I'm not..." She lightly 'jabs' my side, by pushing softly into your side with her hoof. "Silly..."
I laugh, then poke her side gently.
She yelps. "Ow." She says before giggling and poking my sides right back, "Stop iiit."
I poke her again, smiling. "Nnope!"
She grumbles climbing up onto my our chest and splaying out on top of me. "I win."
"You sure? Cuz I think I might have a trick up my sleeve..."
I glance to the left and the right, pretending to make sure nobody's looking, then boop her nose. "Boop!"
Her eyes cross momentarily. "Huh?"
"Boop," I repeated, smiling.
She up turns her nose and harrumphs.
I laugh. "Not gonna play? Fine, I win, then," I tease.
She huffs, smiling down at you. "I won because I'm more mature."
"Whaaa? Naw, what'chu talkin' about? I'm totally mature."
She giggles, hiding her muzzle. "Sure you are."
"'Course I am! I am the maturest mature guy in all of Equestria."
She giggles again. "Uh huh." She lays her head down on my chest.
I stroke her mane gently, content to watch the stars for a bit. "Are you having fun?" I ask after a minute or two. She nods softly, inching up my chest until her head is laid under my chin.
I wrap my arms around her, my heart melting from the cuteness. She then starts snoring softly. I chuckle, gently picking her up so as to not wake her. I cuddle her in my arms, then set off for Carousel Boutique.
I walk in, quietly shutting and locking the door behind me. I take her up to her room, laying her down in her bed. I pull the covers up over her, smiling at the cute filly before me. She smiles, too, looking quite happy in her sleep.
I turn off the light, hoping I didn't accidentally wake her, then start to walk out of the room.
I head for the living room, lay down on the couch, and let my mind wander until I fall asleep.

//-------------------------------------------------------//
                      Chapter Three.                       
//-------------------------------------------------------//
Chapter Three.
Kaboombabomaboooooooooom!!!
I jolt awake to the sound of thunder. I hear a scream from upstairs. Disoriented, I trip getting up, then scramble to me feet and rush to Sweetie's room She's shivering under the covers, "R-Rarity??!"
I shake my head. "No, it's me, Ben. You alright?"
She whimpers, "N-No... I'm afraid of storms... Mainly thunder..."
I come over, sitting beside her. "It's okay, I'm here."
The ball off blankets snuggles under me as best as it can. I hug her trembling form, trying to make her feel as safe as possible. Every time she seems to calm down a little, more thunder quakes the world. Until...
BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG!
I wonder who the heck would be knocking, no, banging, on the door at this time of night. Sweetie whimpers quietly as I shift to get up. "I'll be right back,” I reassure her, “just give me a moment to get the door, okay, Sweetie?" I step off the bed, resting a comforting hand on the bundle of adorable fear.
She whimpers louder, "O-Okay..."
I rush down to grab the door, unlocking it and opening it. I’m greeted to the sight of an orange filly, shivering in the rain. "U-Uh... Hi..." Her teeth chatter. "C-Can I come in and visit Sweetie for the evening?"
"Scootaloo?" I ask incredulously. "What happened? You look like a soaked hen!"
She chuckles. "A dripping cock, a soaked sock, etc, etc. I've heard them all." She enters past me. "Ugh... Brrr..." She sits and rubs her hooves together, generating very little heat
"Here, come on up, Sweetie's in her room. What in Equestria were you doing out there?"
She bites her lip, still shaking. "Mind if I took a quick shower first?""
I shake my head. "Of course not, go right ahead, it'll warm you up."
She nods, heading upstairs.
I make sure the door is securely closed and locked, then hurry back upstairs to make sure Sweetie was still alright.
I at this point notice the bathroom door vaguely open on the way to Sweetie. I realize that she probably doesn't have a towel, so I go to the hall closet and grab one, then head back to the bathroom, opening the door slowly to leave it inside.
I was right in my assumption, and am greeted to a lovely show of Scootaloo's plot while she's facing away, washing her hair.
I feel a twitch down below, glad that she didn't see. I can't help but stare for a bit before shaking myself. I try to leave the towel on the counter and slip out without being noticed.
She turns around and stares at me.
I stare back.
She raises an eyebrow, obviously not noticing that her plot is showing. "Can I help you?"
"I was dropping off a towel for you. You doing alright?" I've lost count of how many time I've been thankful I'm wearing jeans today.
She nods, wincing as soap drips in one of her eyes, causing her flank muscles to twitch slightly. "Ow.. Yeah. Thanks." She wipes it out of her face. "How's Sweetie? I know she's really bad in thunderstorms."
I have to forcibly stop myself from licking my lips, but I keep a casual face. "She's kinda scared, but alright, I think. I think she's more scared of Rarity not being with her than anything." I scratch my chin. "How 'bout you? What the heck were you doing out in the storm?"
She shrugs. "I dunno.  Anyway, I gotta finish doing this so..." She leans her head to the side, subsequently turning her plot away from me, so soap stops dripping in her eyes.
I nod. "Alright. You coming to Sweetie's room once you're done?"
"Sure." She says with a straight face.
"You alright?" I ask. "You look troubled."
She shrugs. "I'm fine."
"Uh-huh," I deadpan.
"You sure about that? You know, you can tell me if something's wrong."
She stares. "I don't think it's really important. Now if you don't mind..."
I walk out, closing the door behind me.
I was half-tempted to go downstairs, just to slam my head on the table again.
You barely hear a sort of whine. Almost like somepony's calling your name from far, far away.
I sigh to myself. "I'm coming, Sweetie Belle."
I walk into her room.
She's whining on the bed, looking only slightly miserable. "Who was it?"
"It's Scootaloo. She's taking a shower now."
Her eyes perk up a tiny bit. "Scootaloo's here? But it's raining!" Her voice squeaks.
I nod. "I know, but she doesn't want to tell me why. Maybe if you talk to her, she'll tell you."
She frowns, "Probably not.." She looks down a little before waving her hooves to gesture me closer. "Aren't you coming back..?"
"Coming back?" I ask, slightly confused.
She pouts and pats the bed, "To sit with me?"
I smile. "Of course." I sit beside her, wrapping my arms around her. "Sorry for leaving you for so long."
She snuggles back next to me. "It's okay..."
I think for a second. "Hm... you know what cheers me up when I'm feeling blue?"
"Hm..." She glances up at my face. "What?"
"I like a nice, hot cup of cider," I say, ruffling her mane. "Not alcoholic, just regular apple cider. Want me to make us some?"
She smiles and nods. "Mhm!"
"Will you be alright for another minute or two without me? I'll try to be fast."
She nods. "I'll.. Probably be okay.."
I hug her one more time, then get up. "I'll be right back." I walk out, headed downstairs for the kitchen.
Once there, I sit at the table, sighing. "Why do I feel like a complete and utter failure tonight?" I raise my hand, which glows blue. The fridge door opens, and a bottle of apple cider hovers out, pouring itself into three mugs. It goes back into the fridge, and the door shuts. The mugs set themselves down on the table, and I use a five-minute-warming spell.
Leaving them to sit, I walk aimlessly around the kitchen. Happening across a knife block, I pull one out. It's a nice, clean, straight blade, and I look at it, mentally warring whether to etch a new word into my arm, or just redefine them. They're fading a little, maybe I needed a reminder.
The bathroom door upstairs shuts loudly.
I shake my head, dismissing it. I don't put the knife down. I know Scoots is headed for Sweetie's room.
I toss the knife in the air, the blade whirling around in a beautiful display, catching it neatly in my hand before tossing it again. And again, and again.
I catch it one more time, and, with my hopeless feeling at a high, I slide back the sleeve of my hoodie, looking at the gently-scarred skin. Yep. It needed redefining.
I have to take a moment to pick out exactly where the faded scars are, the lines nearly invisible. I grip the blade, readying my magic to make sure blood doesn't get everywhere.I begin to carve out the lines, forming the letters necessary.
F. I gasp slightly with the pain, but continue.
A.
I. I cut for being a useless idiot.
L. I cut for thinking I could find love with the mare I loved most.
U. I cut for thinking I ever had any worth.
R. I cut, knowing I am nothing important, nothing anypony will ever need.
E.
I sigh, looking at the bloody letters. I gaze at them for a few moments, then conjure a long, white cloth. I wrap my arm up, then tie the ends together. Once I roll my sleeve back down, it's completely hidden. Just to be safe, I cast a quick illusion spell. There. Now even if my sleeve rolls up, it won't be noticed.
I raise my hand, and the mugs float, wrapped in the soft blue glow. I head upstairs, taking a moment to compose myself before knocking on the door. "Sweetie? Scoots? I have the cider."
Hoof steps run over and open the door. "Here." Scootaloo says, behind the door.
"Thanks." I walk in, levitating a mug each to Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo. "There you are, the Apple Family's famous cider. Drink up while it's still warm." I do my best to sound enthused, covering any doubt by bringing my cider up to my lips, taking a sip. "Mmm."
They both indulge in the cider as well.
"Good?" I ask. "It's not too hot, is it?"
They nod. "It's perfect.." Scootaloo mumbles through her cup.
I smile, trying to hold back my sadness with the act. "Thank you, I'm glad you like it." I take another sip.
Nopony noticed anything, thank Celestia.
I continue nursing my mug of cider, letting the cool warmth wash over me, doing what it can to ease the pain in me.
By the time I've finished my mug, I'm feeling more or less alright. I set it down on the bedside table.
Sweetie finishes too, leaving Scootaloo slowly sipping her mug. "Hey Scootaloo, why were you out so late anyway?" Sweetie asks, tilting her head a little.
I stay quiet, hoping that she won't stay silent about it with me in the room.
She shrugs. "Things."
"Things?" Sweetie echoes.
"And places."
Sweetie pauses, then nods slowly, frowning a bit. "I see..."
I can feel the tension in the air, and decide to step out. "I'm gonna go wash out my mug, I'll be back in a few minutes." I take my mug, leaving the two of them alone to talk.
Scootaloo stands up, gulping the rest of her mug down quickly. "Me too."
Sweetie sits there for a moment, before glancing down at her mug and jumping up, "Oh! Oh! Me too!"
I blink, utterly confused. "Uh, okay."
They follow me to the kitchen.
I hover their mugs over to the sink, grabbing a sponge. I'd intended to let the two talk alone, but now I didn't have a clue what was goin' on. I assumed that maybe Scoots had seen what I was doing and ducked out.
"So, Ben." Scootaloo piques up, "What are you and Sweetie doing in this big ol' boutique all alone?" She then nudges me with her foreleg elbow.
"I'm hanging around so that Sweetie doesn't have to be alone while Rarity is out for a day or so." I smile back at them as I wash the mugs out. "Yup, I'm not babysitting. Totally."
She snorts. "Of course."
I chuckle. "But seriously, though, I don't see it as babysitting. Babysitting is holding a toddler and making sure to change it once it wets itself. Nah, this is more just keeping her company." I ruffle Sweetie's mane. "Know what I mean?"
Sweetie smiles, grabbing my hand and holding it to her head longer whilst giggling. "I see." Scootaloo's poker face is better than a stone statue of a stone statue with a poker face.
"Oh, do you? What do you see, exactly?" I jokingly question, matching her poker face.
She nods slowly, reaching over and nudging Sweetie off my arm. "Can ah... We speak in private?" she asks, gesturing behind her with a neck flick.
I nod. "Sure. One second, Sweetie, we'll be right back."
I walk with Scootaloo over into another room, out of earshot. "What's up?"
"You realize she has a major crush on you right?" She asks, raising an eyebrow and clamping a hand on her side. "Surely you've heard what she nearly forced her last babysitter she had a crush on to do."
I shook my head. "No, what'd she do?"
She stares before shaking her head and walking away, back into the kitchen.
"Wait, Scootaloo, come back, please. What'd she do?"
She ignores me, flipping me the pony equivalent of the bird by raising one wing at me. Also known as flipping me the chicken. I walk, even more confused than before, after her back into the kitchen.
She's now chatting quietly with Sweetie in the kitchen, casting me the occasional glance. I, not knowing what else to do, lean up against the wall, waiting for them to finish their conversation.
They finish up and wander over to me. "So... It's like... One in the morning or something. So... I gotta go." Scootaloo says, staring at me with zero emotions.
I raise an eyebrow. "You gonna be alright, walking home in the dark?"
She stares. "Of course I will be."
I sigh. "Alright, alright. You want another mug of cider, for the road, at least?"
She shakes her head. "No thanks."
"Alright..." Behind my back, I use a quick, undetectable spell Twilight taught me for going stargazing - a spell to keep somepony from getting cold for several hours.
"Stay safe out there, okay?"
I smile at her before leaving the room, going downstairs and lying on the couch.

//-------------------------------------------------------//
                       Chapter Five.                       
//-------------------------------------------------------//
Chapter Five.
I stroll along in the market, looking for someone to buy flour from.
Absolutely nothing happens on my journey there, and I soon find myself at Flower Flour's Flour & Flower shop.
I wait in line, which, surprisingly, is actually fairly long. I look around as I wait.
To my left, flours of every kind. To my left are tulips. Literally nothing but tulips. And a single, half-dead rose.
I muse over that rose. "It looks like it needs a home.. hm."
I think to myself, then resolve that if nopony else wants it, I'd get it.
Thankfully, the rampage of small colts tumbling through the tulips miss the rose by a hair. Maybe half a hair. Oh! Or even the length of half a half a half a hair! Then, as though reading the narrative description of the world, "Hi Ben!" A very loud, bubbly voice calls behind me.
I turn around to see who it is.
Here's Pinkie Pie! She grins just a tad wider, as though mentally winking to the narrator for that subtle reference.  "How are you? Oh! Oh! Are you buying flours? Or flowers?! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! You're buying flouwers!" She says while hopping up and down.
I smile. "Yup! I am, actually! I'm here to get a few bags of flour, and I'm planning on buying that rose, so I guess I am buying flouwers!"
She jumps up and freezes mid-air long enough to clap her hooves together. "Woo! Yeah!" She lands, "Who's the lucky filly?"
I shake my head. "Well, I was getting it for me, it looks like it needs a home, hm? But, I suppose..."
I think for a moment.
"..If I were to give it to someone, it would probably be... hm.. guess!"
She walks over and stares at the rose. "Hm... Hmmmm. HMMM!" She tilts her head slightly. "Maybe... Your sorta biggest admirer who hasn't actually said she admires you, but you kinda really hope she does but you're not sure at all, but then you could be wrong so she might admire you after all and you totally just wanna impress her with a flower even though you might not have even met her yet and if you don't even know who I'm talking about at ALLLLL!" She takes a huge breath, holding it with a wide grin.
I blink. "...run that by me one more time?"
She blinks before trotting away, "Nothing~" She says in a sing song voice.
"Bye!" She then hops out the open window near the open door.
I stare after her, still trying to process what she said.
The last pony in front of me finishes buying their flouwer-y goods and I step up. "Hm.. I'll take three large bags of flour, and that one lonely rose out there."
The mare stares at you for a moment, turns to the flours, "What kind of flour do you want?" She says slowly, her voice extremely calm and... Slow. Like being artificially slowed almost.
"Uh, all-purpose.. You alright, there, miss?"
She nods slowly. "Yes." Then trots at a snail's pace to the flours and starts looking at each bag for a full three seconds each.
Curious, I cast a quick, undetectable scanning spell Twilight taught me to find imbalances, magical or physical. I discover that...
She's slow. Very slow. So slow, it seems even her aging process has slowed to a crawl.
I scratch the back of my head. Whatever it was, that was a powerful spell she was under. Either of the highest unicorn magic, or semi-deity levels.
I make a mental note to go straight to Twilight's once I get everything home. Maybe she'll know what to do.
The mare is on the fourth bag,. On a distant shelf in the back, I can see All-Purpose just sitting on the bottom right of the shelf.
"Miss? I see All-Purpose on that shelf back there." I point to where it is, and the shelf lights up blue.
She blinks at the current bag of flour, stares back at me, then looks behind her to the back shelf. "Oh." She then starts the trot towards it. Moving at a flour bag a minute!
I mentally figure out that the amount of time it'll take her to get there would be...
Roughly thirty minutes, then the return would take the same amount of time
I nod to myself, then look to the pony behind me. "Would you mind saving my place if I went to get Princess Twilight, to see if she can help solve the problem?"
The stallion scoffs, "Of course. At this rate, I'll miss my appointment at the flower flouring contest!"
"Thanks. I'll be back as soon as I can." I concentrate, then snap my fingers, aiming to teleport just outside Twilight's castle.
The spell fails without a hitch.
I look around to see where I teleported to... I moved behind the stallion.
I grumble, trying again. The spell fails once more, not even moving me any this time.
I shake my head. "Manual it is." I take off at a run, heading to the castle. Thankfully, as Ponyville isn't super large, it's not too far.
Upon reaching the castle, I find a small note on the grand door.
I look closer.
"Dear Whoever is Concerned (Not that it even matters as everypony in this town never uses the bucking library),
The castle library was found to have a mold infestation, one that only occurs when the books are left sitting for an extended period of time. you illiterate mud horses. So until the sanitation department can clean it up, I, Princess Twilight will be staying in Canterlot Castle. Please forward all letters to your flank Princess Celestia or Princess Luna for further information.
Sincerely,
Princess Buck Your Mama Twilight Sparkle of Friendship and Sanitation Engineer Moldy Cheese"
I think for a while, trying to figure out who could get a message to Twilight.
"Hey, Pinkie?" I call out, knowing that she'll somehow hear me, because, Pinkie Pie.
A giant pink blob blots your vision from above, two eyes appearing from above me. "Hi Ben!" She cheers, "Did'ja call lil' ol' Pinkie?" I then feel the weight of her hooves on my back and shoulders.
I smile. "Thank goodness. Yes, I did!"
"I was wondering if you knew the fastest way to get a message to Twilight," I say, pointing to the note on the door.
She looks at the note, then looks directly back at me. "Ben, are you asking me to create a plot convenience?"
No, Pinkie. I'm wondering if you happen to know the location of either a certain mailmare, Rainbow dash, or if there's an alternate way to get a note to Twilight.
She nods, "Let's make sure we can do that first."
An event occurs that somehow feels like the fate of the world is being decided.
She looks back at me, "Yep!" Then hops away.
I stand there, confused. "Uh.. okay, then, so.." I stare out to where she'd left. "I guess I'll just wait here?"
"Nope!" She calls while crossing the surprisingly close horizon.
A moment later, Princess Celestia drops from the sky and lands beside me, her hooves cracking the ground below her. She stands up, nodding slightly to me, before her horn glows and Twilight appears in front of me. "You're welcome, Pinkie Pie!" She calls, waving at the horizon, before teleporting away.
Twilight blinks, glancing around very confusedly. "Wha.." She looks at me, "What?" Then to Canterlot in the distance, "What?!"
"Sorry, Twilight, I didn't mean for the sudden summoning. But, there's a problem here, one that's altering time itself upon a pony!"
She glances from me to Canterlot Mountain once more, "But..." She sighs, "Alright... What do you mean exactly?"
"The mare working at Flower Flour's Flour & Flower shop is slow. But that's not all. I used that scanning spell, and every single thing about her is slowed, including her aging process. It's like somepony just opened up settings and hit Speed:0.05 or something."
She blinks, "Huh? Settings?"
I facepalm. "The world itself is warped around the mare, and she seems to be stuck in a time-slow field of some kind, or possibly a spell of incredible strength."
She nods a little. "Alright... Lead the way."
I run alongside her as I head back to the shop.
I make my way past the line and point to the mare, who has almost reached the shelf of All-Purpose flour.
She walks over, "Uh... Miss?"
The mare takes a few minutes to respond. She starts slowly turning, "Oh my. You scared me." She says.
"See?" I say to Twilight.
Twilight furrows her brow, "Uhh... I..." She scratches her head, "What?"
"Not only that, it seems to be selective. Her voice isn't nearly as slow as the rest of her, so something's screwy about that."
"Also, her perception of the world seems to be narrowed. Everything seems normal time to her, meaning that this is almost certainly deliberate. Do you know any spells that can do this, or any powerful beings that could make this happen?"
"Oh sir, here is your flour." The mare turns and starts moving her hoof towards it.
"I..." Twilight's horn alights, the mare coated in her magic, "I have no idea! This magic makes zero sense! It's... Too chaotic and abnormal for the spell to properly read anything from it..."
"...Oh." I facepalm. "Of course."
She turns to me, "What?" Then her mouth opens slightly.
"Wait a moment..."
I sigh. "Yo, Discy D! What up, homie?"
The flour bag sprout eyes and horns, pushing the mares almost there hoof away. "Wha'id you say?!" He yells, tying a bandana around his snout and sporting two water uzis, "I think I'm feelin' a special, certain moment coming on!" The flour bag aims the uzis at me, standing on two chubby powder legs.
I pull a water glock out of seemingly nowhere. "I said, 'Yo, Discy D! What up, Homie!'. Clean out yo ears, Dawg!"
At this moment, Pinkie Pie hops by the window and gasps, "Madame Le Flour! No! Bad pastry ingredient!" She hops through the window and stands behind me and Twilight.
Discord starts cackling, "Oh! OH! That's rich, truly." He unzips the bag and steps out of it to his full size. "Ah, Princess Twilight, Pinkie Pie and Ben-a-dickt Cumberbatch!" He bows, "I am honored to be in your company."
I bow back. "Lord Discy. What's up?"
He holds out his talons in a fist, "Oh you know, swapping a few manes here, making dreams come through there. Harmony." He partly shrugs.
I raise an eyebrow. "And bending time."
He glances back to the mare, "Oh this fine assed damsel?" He leans back, using her as a chair as she slowly starts looking surprised. "Believe it or not, this is actually a favor to her." He lifts her tail and giggles as it slowly falls back down to cover her mare bits again.
I think about it. "Terminal disease or something?"
He pats her head, "Nope! She's about... eleven hundred years old." He stands up, holding his cheeks. "Oh! Perhaps a small story?"
I nod. "Alright, let's hear it."
He takes Twilight's head, "What, what, what, what-Bah! I thought you were more interesting that this." He puts her head on the shelf and fixing her body about to be a rudimentary throne. "Now... Pinkie dear, could you gather for me the items on this list?" He tosses her a paper airplane shaped like a brick.
"Yep!"
He cackles, "Excellent!" He clasps his hands in front of him, "Story time." He snaps his finger, whisking the world away, save for Twilight's shelf and me of course. "T'was a long time ago, longer now than it seems. In a place that perhaps you’ve seen in your dreams." He monologues. "This is the story of Miss Flour, or Miss Flower, I forget sometimes." The mare, a younger filly, pops into existence, smiling very happily. "She was lonely." She frowns.
"And hungry." She frowns more as her stomach recedes.
"And the world was very boring." A large gravestone falls on her, saying, "R.I.P. Flour Flower Flower Flour Flour  Flower, Died of being too bored for too long."
I nod.
The grave falls over, seeing to be a cardboard cutout. "So she went about her very boring, hungry and lonely life. All the way until she was an old, boring mare." A box falls on her, marked, 'Wrinkles and old crap like porta potties' She then crawls out of the box looking like an older Granny Smith. "Then I came into power!" A shimmer of rainbows waved over the world, and everypony was smiling and cheering as it rained dirt on the cotton candy ground.
"Wait a moment!" Twilight cries from the shelf, "You two know each other?!"
The world screeches, like a record forcibly stopped. "Interrupt me again, Twilight! See what happens!" Discord yells, holding his head in agony.
I shake my head. "Twilight, please let him finish the story."
The mare grumbly walks into a castle the size of a clown car, "B-But..." Twilight mumbles sadly.
"So she came to me and she said-she said, "Oh Lord of Happiness and Chaos, could you give this lonely old mare the ability to enjoy your wonderful world!" and I said yes."
The mare pops! Her skin burning away to reveal a young filly who cheered and hugged her Grand Lord of Greatness.
"That was very kind of you," I say.
He nods, "Oh the two sisters of boring and worst princess always made me up to be a evil no good doer. But that was never the case!" He pauses. "I did a little good! And had a lot of fun!"
I raise an eyebrow. "And there were no ulterior motives with this mare, yes?"
"Nope!" He crosses his arms, "I merely like..." He thought a moment, "An audience."
"Lord Discord!" She cheers slowly from the real world, "Have you come to use the spatula again?"
"Ignore her, she has dementia."
"I see. But, audiences are large. Why trouble yourself with one mare?"
He shrugs, "Why not?"
I deadpan. "Says the devious and calculating Lord of Chaos."
He snaps and the world returns. "Says the quote, 'babysitter'." He winks.
I raise an eyebrow, smiling. "Alright, I believe you. So... Can I have my flour?"
He picks up the empty bag, "Oooh, too bad. That was the last bag." He wraps it around my head like a hat. "It fits you very well though."
"...Can I have a word in this?" Twilight mutters from the shelf.
"Of course." Discord snaps his fingers and disappears.
I admire my new hat. "Well. Pinkie, do you have any extra flour I could buy off you?" I look, but Pinkie’s gone.
I turn to the mare. "Oh, and I'll just take the rose. I can get it myself. How much?"
I levitate the rose to the counter so that the mare can see it.
She slowly walks over to the counter, "Yes..." She says, "That will be..." She counts the flower. "One bit."
I smile, leaving two bits. "Thank you." I take my rose, and out I go.
She looks down and smiles slightly. "Thank you." She responds.
I leave, not having actually solved anything, but hey, I got my rose! I decide to head home and drop off my rose before starting on anything else today.
After putting my rose in the middle of the table and watering it a bit, I decide to go find Pinkie to see if I can get some flour from her.
I find her waiting outside my front door, "Hi!" she says happily
I blink in surprise. "Oh, hi, Pinkie! I was just coming to find you, actually~ I was wondering if you had any spare all-purpose flour I could buy off you, since the store was out."
“Yep.” She nods and drops a 50 kg bag of flour from... Sorta nowhere. It just dropped over her side.
"Woah, that's a lot of flour." I stare at it in wonder. "Where did you- No, nevermind. Hammerspace." I pull out the pouch, which is still very full of bits. "How much do you want for it?"
"Nope!" She then hops away merrily.
"P-Pinkie! Hey, come back!"
She skids to a stop mid-air. "What?"
I cross my arms. "I gotta show you my appreciation, at least. Hm.."
She hums. "Well....:
I then get an idea that would definitely make her smile. "How about... hugs? Can I pay you in hugs?"
She grins widely, "Can you?!"
I hug her tightly. She's warm and very soft, and she smells like candy. Just one short hug is one of the most amazing things ever.
She stands up on her hind legs and hugs me back. "Aww! You're such a sweetie! And we thought you were only interested in fillies!" She giggles.
I flinch. "W-what? Who's 'we'? And how do you know that?" I pause. "And didn't you witness my falling head over heels for Derpy?"
She tilts her head, "Huh? I mean the whole town knows that you're like... Totally into Derpy. She's a filly right?" She tilts her head the other way, "Or is she a stallion..."
I shook my head. "She's a mare… And, may I ask how the whole town knows I'm into Derpy?"
She shrugs, "Same difference. They have the same parts."
She perks up, "Oh! Sweetie told everyone about it. Along with how nice you were to let her sleep with you!" She grins happily.
I sweat drop. "You're kidding, right?"
She tilts her head the other way, "Why would I kid about you being a super duper babysitter of uber? Everypony's talking about how great you are!" She smiles.
"Oh, okay!" I perk up. In my happiness, I give Pinkie another hug. "Thanks a bunch, that makes me really happy to know that~"
She nods. "Mhm!"
I hesitate a moment. "So, Pinkie?"
"...When you say everypony in town, you don't mean that Derpy's been told about how head over heels I am for her, right?"
She stares at me and hums, "Uhh..."  She looks at the ceiling in thought, "Oh! I told her half an hour ago, mhm yep!"
I sigh. "Great." I shake my head. "Well... how'd she respond?"
She shrugs, "I dunno."
"You don't know?"
"Nope!"
"Why not?"
"Because!"
"Because why? Pinkie, are you not telling me something?"
"Yep!"
"Well, can you please tell me?"
"Nope!"
"Why not?"
"Because!"
I sigh, any enthusiasm I had sinking into my shoes. "Okay.."
She frowns, "Aw, don't be so sad! She was really surprised about the Sweetie Belle thing!"
I nodded kinda sadly. "I expect so...Pinkie, can you please, just tell me why you can't tell me, if you won't tell me what her reaction was?"
She shakes her head, "Nope. Pinkie Promised!"
"...You know, you could'a just said that, you goof." I chuckled softly. "I thought you were hiding something bad that happened."
She frowns, "What kinda bad could I have been hinting at with what I said?"
"Like, maybe she said she hated me or something? I don't know, people come up with crazy things when you're left guessing."
She tilts her head, frown turning to confused smile, "Why would she hate you for being a super duper babysitter uber?" She giggles, "And ponies say I'm silly!"
I smiled. "Well, I kiiind of got a little too excited when I first saw her, I think you know why, and I mighta made her think I'm weird." I laughed gently. "I have terrible luck when it comes to her."
She giggles, "Because your breath smells REAAALLY bad?"
I look at her. "No, really, Pinkie."
She gives me a sad frown, "I know, Ben." She stands back up and hugs you again. "It's okay though, we all love you. Or at least I do. And pretty sure Sweetie does. Scootaloo... Ehh... and Derpy is a maybe." She nods and boops your nose with her nose. "But it'll be okay, promise."
I blush. "Wait, did you really just confess your love for me?"
She giggles and waves her hoof, "Well of course! I love all my friends like close family! Or spouses? Spices? Speec?" She frowns, tapping her lower lip in thought, "Specks?"
I laugh. "Oh, I thought you meant, like, Special Somepony love." I shake my head. "You goofball."
She giggles, "Oh no, I already have Special Someponies."
"Someponies? You have more than one? Who?"
She winks, "That's more than anypony else knows already, Ben-Ben, don't push your luck~"
"But I like pushing my luck, it's fun!" I wink back. "Heh, alright, I'll leave it alone. For now," I tease. "But I'll learn someday!" I declare, poking her gently in the side.
She giggles, "Sure you will." Then she winks, "Any whoodle doodle, I gotta go."
"Alright, see you later. Oh, wait, before you go, do you know where Derpy is?"
She hums, "Uh..." Her ear flops twice, then she stomps her back left hoof three times. "Check her house."
I raise an eyebrow. "Uh... where's that?"
She points North-Northwest of my house. "That way."
"Ah, thanks."
She smiles, "No problem!"
As she bounces away, I muse over whether or not I should go see Derpy. Any way it went, it was gonna be awkward. Hmm...
My eyes fall on the bag of flour, and then an idea hits me. "Peace offering, perfect!" I wave my hand, my coat hanging itself up while an apron flies off the rack, putting itself on me neatly. I roll my sleeves up. "Let's get started."
I admire the racks and racks of muffin-filled pans as they sat and cooled.
"That should be enough."
I count how many dozen I have.
"...Twelve dozen muffins." I stare. "I think that's a new record."
I shake myself, then realize that I am covered in sweat from working in a hot kitchen.
"I should probably shower."
I go off to shower.
As I approach my bathroom door, I hear a loud clattering and banging inside.
I cautiously open the door.
I find Sweetie Belle, covered in various bathroom things, like soap and toothpaste.
"Uh, Sweetie? What are you doing?"
She giggles nervously. I raise my hand, doing my best to extract the various bathroom things from her coat and mane with my magic. The spell fails, leaving her still a mess.
I sigh. "Sorry, my magic's still a work in progress. What exactly are you doing in my bathroom..?"
Above her I spot the bathroom window, wide open. "...Hi..."she squeaks.
"Hi," I respond. "Why'd you break into my bathroom?" I laugh gently. "I don't keep my bits in here, and the muffins are in the kitchen."
She blushes, "Uh..."
I try to hold back a smile. "Well? I won't tell anypony, don't worry."
"I wanted to visit you..."
"Aww. Well, you know, you can visit me whenever you like, but next time, the front door might be a liiittle easier."
I raise an eyebrow, grinning. "Unless you were trying to catch me in the bathroom. You wouldn't be trying to do that, hmm?"
She blushes, looking away. "N-No..."
I wink. "Sure. You just couldn't figure out how to open my door, of course, and went for the nearest window. Obviously."
She frowns, blushing redder, "T-Th-That's n-not it..."
"Oh, it isn't? Well, do tell, what is the reason?"
She huffs, crossing her forelegs. "Nunya..."
"Isn't it, though? You kinda broke into my bathroom." I give a reassuring smile. "It's okay, you can tell me."
She blushes even redder, bringing the image of a female Big Mac to mind, "I was a little curious I guess... I mean you're not a stallion so..." She trails off a little, "...yeah..."
"Curious about what, Sweetie?"
"What you look like and stuff..."
"What I look like?"
She nods a little. "Yeah.."
"What do you mean by that? You know what I look like."
She stares at her hooves. "Like... You know how mares and stallions wander around without any kinda clothes?"
I nod. "Mhm."
She nods and stares at me.
"You mean, you want to see me with my clothes off."
She pauses for a moment.
Then she nods. "Yes."
I kneel beside her. "Sweetie, this is important. I'll show you, but you can't ever tell anypony or we'll both get in a lot of trouble. Okay?"
She nods, "Okay!"

//-------------------------------------------------------//
                       Chapter Six.                        
//-------------------------------------------------------//
Chapter Six.
I smile, snuggling her in the water. "Well, I think it's safe to say you're clean."
She nods slightly, smiling and cuddling closer to me. "Yep..."
After a moment, I hear soft snores from her.
I chuckle. "Silly filly." I pick her up, turn off the water, and dry both of us off. I redress myself, then bring her out to the living room, where I wrap her in a towel.
I go back to the bathroom to rummage around for a hairbrush, miraculously, there is one. I bring it out and start brushing her wet mane so it doesn't get tangled.
She wakes up by the third brush. "Hm..?"
I continue brushing gently. "I brought you out here, and I'm brushing your hair now so it won't be all tangled and messy for Rarity." I pause for a moment as I untangle a knot. "That was pretty fun, hm?"
I put a finger to my lips and wink. "Gotta keep it a secret, though, okay?"
She smiles at me. "Okay." She takes a deep breathe, "C-Could I ask you something?"
"Mhm, of course," I say, resuming my brushing.
She turns towards me, looking in my eyes. "U-Uh.. Do you have a Special Somepony?"
I sigh. "Much as I wish a certain muffin-addicted mare would be, no. I do not."
"Why do you ask?"
"Would you uh... Could you uh..." She twirls her hoofsies in circles around each other. "Would you ever, in a million, billion, trillion year ever wanna be mine..?"
I smile warmly. "Oh, Sweetie, of course," I say. "But.. Maybe in a few years. I think we'd get in trouble if we became Special Someponies... But I can be your really cool, really fun babysitter until then, how's that?" I grin.
She frowns a little, "O-oh... Right.."
I plant a little kiss on her muzzle. "And of course, I can be one of your best friends ever, too."
She blushes, "Are you sure you can't be right now...?"
I shake my head with a smile. "No, but there's more kisses where that came from."
She blinks then leans forward and kisses you on the lips.
I return it for a second, two. Three. Then I pull back, grinning. "That was sweet, Sweetie."
"It was?" She smiles.
I nod happily in confirmation. "It was."
She licks her lips slowly. "W-Would it still be sweet if I did it again?"
I nod. "Of course. Just once more."
She nods and leans over, kissing me once more.
"Mm.." I wrap my arms around her. "Still sweet." I look over at the clock begrudgingly. "But sadly, I think Rarity's probably wondering where the heck you are."
At this moment, I hear frantic knocking at the the door.
"If anypony asks you what you were doing in my house, say you got all dirty, I let you take a bath, and then you napped while I made muffins. Mkay?"
I stand, quickly don my apron, and raise my hand. The door opens.
It's Applebloom and Scootaloo, "Well?" Scootaloo walks in without casting me a glance. "How'd it go?"
Applebloom trots past Scootaloo, "Shush!" She hushes her friend, "Sorry about her." The apple filly gives me a sympathetic glance. "But we haven't been properly acquainted yet, now have we?" She holds out her hoof to you, "Ah'm Applebloom. I think you know Sweetie and Scoots."
I shake her hoof. "Very nice to meet you, Applebloom." I gesture to the twelve dozen muffins I have baked. "Want some?"
She glances over, "Ooo. Those look mighty tasty..." She stares, a dribble of drool dripping down her hungry happy face, "But Ah cain't, Applejack would have my flanks if I ate sweets 'fore dinner in an hour."
Scootaloo looks from Applebloom to the muffins, "Well I ain't got no mom to worry about, so..." She trots over and takes a muffin. She then stuffs the whole top of it into her maw, "Thanks." She says, only mildly muffled by muffin.
I smile. "Muffins aren't too much of a sweet. They're closer to a glorified bread. but..." I levitate a box out, picking ten or so apple-cinnamon muffins from the assortment and putting them in the box. "There you are."
Applebloom looks very conflicted. "B-But..."
"For later," I affirm.
She nods. "Okay. Later." She smiles. "Y'all are mighty swell aren'cha?"
I chuckle. "Well, I try."
Scootaloo makes a very pleased noise. "Well. You know how to bake pretty good too. Almost better than Pinkie."
I raise an eyebrow. "I don't know about that... It's just my homemade recipe."
She nods. "It's good. Really good."
"Well, thank you." I levitate an empty box next to her. "Go ahead and grab as many as you like."
She takes and fills the entire box, even over filling it a little, then scoots it on her back. "Thanks."
"So, what can I do for ya?"
"Leave." Scootaloo says.
"Rude much?" Applebloom asks with a slight cringe.
"Go away." Scoots corrects.
I watch the exchange with a raised eyebrow. "Who, me?"
"Yes." They say at the same time.
"But you could be a tad less demanding, this is his house." Applebloom scolds, sitting down and holding her head with a hoof.
"Okay," She looks back to me, "Please go away. Just another room is fine."
I shake my head. "Okay, then." I go off to my bedroom.
Several minutes pass before, "What the hell is wrong with you?!" Echos through the house.
Followed by a door slamming.
I have no idea what to do, and am slightly panicking, so I simply wait for them to call me back.
Ten minutes pass.
I decide to take a look to see if they're even still here.
In the living room is Applebloom, holding a hoof to the bridge of her muzzle, and Sweetie Belle, sitting on the exact opposite side of the couch, looking very not happy.
"Uh.."
"...What's going on?"
Applebloom holds up a hoof in a stop motion. "Look. Ah... Ah'm not doing this." She hops off the couch, "Sweetie, would you get the door for me?" Sweetie nods slightly, not moving or looking over at Applebloom. Her horn sparks slightly, and the doorknob slowly turn until the door inches open. "Thanks."
After Apple Bloom walks out, I close the door, and look at Sweetie. "What happened?"
She doesn't say anything
"...Should I go ask Scootaloo?"
"No!" She yells, almost falling off the couch as she jumps up.
"Okay, okay, sorry, sorry, I just didn't know whether you'd tell me or not."
She sighs, sitting back on the couch. "I-I will..."
I sit beside her. "Alright. What happened?"
She doesn't say anything.
I sigh. "What did you tell them?"
She winces, "H-Huh?"
"What did you tell Applebloom and Scootaloo?"
She stares at me without talking, her mouth slightly open.
I scratch the back of my neck. "Sweetie, please tell me so I don't have to go find Scootaloo to get the story."
She shakes her head twice, "N-No..."
I hug her gently. "Please, Sweetie. I won't get mad at you, promise."
She shifts a little, left, right. "I told them... Crusaders code..."
I nod. "Okay. but, what exactly did you tell them?"
"...Everything."
"...Oh."
Panic hits me, but I try to keep it down. "Well, did they say they were gonna keep it quiet?"
"W-Well..."
"Applebloom said she wouldn't tell, crusaders code again, b-but... Welll..." She trails off.
"But what?"
"S-Scootaloo said some very mean things and she just left..."
I frown. "Do you mean you think she might tell other ponies?"
Sweetie shrugs. "I dunno... She was very mad at me..."
Something clicks just then. "Wait... when she came in, she asked 'Well, how'd it go?' If she knew you were coming here, and what you were gonna do, why would she be mad?"
"Well about that.. I just said I was coming to talk to you about something and for them to meet me here later..."
"..Ah. I see."
"...do you think we should find her and try to make amends?"
She shrugs. "I dunno... I'm afraid to talk to her again..."
"..Would you trust Applebloom to talk to her, maybe, then?"
She shakes her head, "They got in a fight about it..."
I sigh, dread seeping into my veins. "I guess that leaves me to talk to her."
She cringes, "A-Are you sure...?"
I shrug helplessly. "What else can I do?"
She quiets up with a sigh, curling into a ball.
I pet her mane, feeling pretty down myself.
"W-What if she tells somepony...?"
"Well, what if she tells somepony if I don't talk to her about it? I gotta try, at least."
She nods slightly. "I-I'm sorry... I h-had to, it's the rules... No secrets between crusaders..."
I hug her gently. "It's okay, it's good that you don't keep secrets from your friends."
A suspicion enters my head then, one that might help.
"...Sweetie, have you ever seen Scootaloo with her dad?"
She shakes her head. "No… S- She doesn't have parents..."
"...I know. She didn't want to tell me, but I kinda had my suspicions."
Another idea pops into my head. If things go well enough with Scootaloo, maybe I can offer her a home. That could help her not be so distant and spiteful of me.
She sighs. "But she always said to never try to find her... Said something bad would happen if we did..."
I think for a moment. The accepted canon was that Scootaloo slept in the clubhouse, or an alleyway somewhere. "Maybe she just doesn't want to be found."
Sweetie shrugs.
"I... I have to get home..."
I nod, hugging her one more time. "I'm sorry about all this."
"No it's my fault...,
I shake my head. "Don't you go and tell yourself that."
She hugs back, leaning further into me. "Everything is my fault..."
I kiss the top of her head gently. "No, it's not. Don't worry, this will all be fixed."
She doesn't respond except getting up and walking over to the door. "...Can you walk me home...?"
I nod. "Absolutely." I get up, open my door, and walk with her out into the fading light.
The sun and moon are both in the sky, the sun setting just as the moon rises. It's twilight. Beside my door is Applebloom, sitting  and staring out at the sunset.
I sigh. "Hey. You want to walk with us?"
She shakes her head, "Ah gotta git home, and hopefully find Scoots along the way." She grumbles, standing up and stretching, "While Ah personally don't agree with your... youness, Ah cain' at least stick to the Crusaders Codebook like a proper member..."
"..Okay." I don't know what else to say, what else I could say.
She stares at me, "Don' make me regret this."
I nod. "..I know."
"...I'm sorry."
She snorts, shaking her head. "No you ain't. Sorry means you wouldn' do it again if you had the chance." She turns and trots away, "Get'er there safe or you know what Ah'll do."
"...Let's go, Sweetie."
I walk the short distance with her to Carousel Boutique.
The mood is rather mechanolic, and I wonder to myself if I really would do it again, given the chance.
...No. I wouldn't put her through this again. Even if I got a million chances, I couldn't do this to her again.
Sweetie is quiet almost the whole trip, until she asks, "This doesn't mean you won't do fun things with me anymore right...?
I sigh. "Sweetie... I can still do kisses with you, that's okay. But... I can't do what we did again. I mean, we did it once, and look what happened. Do you think Applebloom and Scootaloo would stay quiet a second time? I can't put you through this again... I'm sorry."
She doesn't say anything any continues walking.
Finally, we arrive.
Sweetie scruffs the ground, "Alright... See ya..."
I pet her mane once more, before letting her go inside. The door shuts quietly.
"Sweetie Belle, where the buck have you been?! You've had me worried sick!" Rarity soon yells from inside. Silence follows, "Well?!"
"If you continue to not answer me, you're grounded for a month!" Rarity yells, sounding just a tad more pissed.
I knock on the door. "Uh, Rarity?"
The yelling stops and you hear very angry hoofsteps stomping towards the door. It flies open, "Yes?" She asks me calmly with a  peaceful smile.
In the background is Sweetie mouthing, "No" while shaking her head. She's crying just a little.
"I believe I can vouch for Sweetie Belle. She came to my place earlier, and she got extremely messy. She had a bath, but she fell asleep for a while." I lean in to whisper. "I think she and the other Crusaders had a bit of a falling-out... I think she's pretty emotionally exhausted."
She stares at me for a moment, "W-Well... Be that as it may, she had no right to leave without announcing it, or refusing to tell me the same." She frowns, but just a tad less than me imagine she was before.
I sigh. "I think she just needed to get away for a bit. I know I've had times like that, when the world just seems to.. all crash in on you at once."
Rarity huffs, "Even so, I simply must punish her slightly. Grounding her for a week at the very least."
I hold up a hand. "Actually, I can take the blame for some of that... when she fell asleep, I let her sleep. I figured she could use it. I'm sorry." I look down in slight shame.
"I just did what my mom always said:  'If someone's having a hard time, let them sleep it off. They'll wake up better.'"
"That's not what I'm punishing her for. I'm punishing her for refusing to answer me, I am her legal caretaker and as such I have to know where she is and will be at all times, at least until she can better take care of herself."
I nod. "Alright. but... maybe cut her a little slack. She's in a rough time right now."
Rarity stares, "I'm not certain of the kind of world you come from, but here everything isn't sunshine and rainbows. I will see to her punishment or lack thereof on my own terms. But I thank you for clearing this up." She glances back to Sweetie, who refuses to make eye contact with anypony. "Have a good evening."
She closes the door.
I sigh and walk away, hoping that I'd done enough damage control. I was pretty excellent at diffusing things, but she seemed more snippety than normal.
I look around, wondering what to do next. I decide I need a breather, and go back to my house. I use magic to aid my jump and sit upon the roof.

//-------------------------------------------------------//
                      Chapter Seven.                       
//-------------------------------------------------------//
Chapter Seven.
It's sometime around Oone AM.
I look up at the stars, those beautiful stars, wishing that I could fly up and touch them, if only to get away from this life.
"Hey!" I hear somepony call from the ground.
I look down.
It's Scootaloo, looking very tired and holding one hoof in an awkward manner.
"I need help!"
I immediately jump down. "What happened?"
She holds out her other hoof, sitting on her haunches strangely for a moment, while panting for air.
"Are you hurt? What's going on?"
"Took... Applebloom..." She gasps between breaths, "I..." She holds her head as she tries to get her breath. "Orphanage... No guards..."
"Hold up, breathe, take a moment."
"Breathe."
She nods, leaning on her one forehoof for a minute to catch her breath.
She hiccups awkwardly. "Bad ponies took Applebloom; kidnapped her to the Orphanage. But don't ask for guards.. Won't help." She says quickly, awkwardly hiccuping at various intervals.
"What? The orphanage?! Why?!"
She gulps her spit down, "I-I dunno really. I ran away from there when I was really young, they... They did really bad things to the kids. Some disappeared forever." She shakes her head, "The guard are paid off, calling them makes it worse." She shakes her head, "I've tried.."
I shake my head in horror. "I can't believe it.. Here, come inside, let me patch you up."
She shakes her head, "No time."
I frown, then raise my hand and channel energy. My door flies open, and my medical kit flies out. Within seconds, her hurt legs are bandaged. "You stay here."
She stops me, "Wait, do you have a cell phone?"
I nod, pulling it out and showing her.
She pulls out her own old flip phone, "Number... Gotcha."
She gleans your number off your phone and adds it to her phone. "I'll help in any way I can."
"Alright, but you stay here. You have my permission to utilize anything in my house you need."
She nods.
"Now, tell me exactly how to get there."
She points to a yonder bridge, "You gotta follow the brim of the Everfree forest around until you find it. You'll know it when you see it."
I nod. "Alright." I think, trying to remember if I have any weapons in my house.
I raise my hand, and out flies a feather duster, smacking solidly into my grip.
"... Apparently not."
I sigh, tossing it aside. "Okay. I'll be back with Apple Bloom as soon as I can. Stay here, rest. Okay?"
She hobbles in on three legs, "I can't go help? I sorta know the layout of the place..."
I shake my head. "I won't put you in danger like that. No, I'm going by myself."
"B-But..."
"No, Scootaloo. You being safe is most important right now. I won't let you get hurt, not if I can help it."
"She's my friend too!" She yells, stomping her hoof and yelping loudly, "Buck!"
I look her in the eye. "Scootaloo, you're injured," I tell her calmly. "If I take you along, you could get hurt even worse. And if that happens, I don't know what I'd do. And, being perfectly honest, I wouldn't be able to focus completely on rescuing Applebloom, I'd have to make sure to protect you the whole time, too."
"It's safer for you, it's safer for me, and it's safer for Applebloom if you stay here."
She frowns, not saying anything else but just staring at me.
"I'm sorry, okay? I would bring you if I could, but I gotta keep you safe."
She furrows her brow, "What if..."
I shake my head. "Nope."
She shakes her head, "No, no. What if I drew a map? I don't remember much but..."
"Oh. Yes, alright. That'll give me some time to prepare. How quickly can you have it drawn?"
She sits and scratches herself in an awkward place, "Uh..."
"Five? Ten minutes?"
"Alright." I levitate some paper and drawing instruments over to her. "Go ahead."
She grabs the pencil with her mouth and shakily starts sketching. "I'm bucking shaking too much... Celestia damn it..." She mutters around the pencil, trying to steady herself.
I gently stroke her mane. "It's okay, I know you can do it."
She flinches away from me, "Don't… Don't touch me, please."
"...Sorry. I just wanted to comfort you."
She continues drawing without saying anything else. I leave her to it, going through my house to see if I can find anything that could be used as a weapon.
While searching through my bathroom, staring at my shaving razors in thought, it suddenly occurs to me. "Oh. Kitchen knives. Duh."
I grab my messenger bag and run to the kitchen, grabbing every knife and putting it in the bag.
I also grab a frying pan, because they're surprisingly good at both offense and defense.
She hands me one piece of paper. Then another.
"Thank you," I say.
"I ran out through the kitchen, so it's... probably safe. But this is all I remember... The rest is a blank"
She frowns, "The bedrooms are up the stairs, My room is this one and... This one was my old friend who lived there. I dunno if she still does but..." She points the two rooms out, "There... Sorry I don't remember anymore."
"Thank you, Scootaloo. I'll do my very best. Now, can you tell me about what happens there?"
"I need to know what to expect."
She stares at the pencil, sitting on the floor in front of her. "Have you ever heard of the Sombran market?"
"Uh... no."
She pokes at it, "The Sombran Market is kinda like... Imagine a market stall that will sell and buy anything. Nopony likes to admit they exist; the guard say they're trying to get rid of them, but even they know it's important to the economic standing for the country." She pokes at it again, nudging it away from her. "Imagine a store that sold illegal crystals, that sold plants you couldn't normally grow without a permit." She sighs, "Imagine a store that sold ponies, or just their bodies, or even parts of them."
"...You've got to be kidding me."
"Let's say they use that market a lot. That's about all I know."
"They contribute to it a lot."
"..."
"And they make enough money to pay off Mayor Mare and the Ponyville guard so they just kinda... Don't look there."
"....."
She stares anywhere but at me
"...I'm going to burn them to the ground."
She snorts.
"I can't believe a disgusting organization like that even exists."
She looks up at me, "You're blind then. Ponies aren't as peace loving as Princess Celestia boasts to everypony else in the world. We all have a cruel side, we all have horrible thoughts, and nopony is innocent of harming another at some point in their lives." She frowns even more, "Time to open your eyes."
My fists clench. "Buck that."
"I don't care if it takes me a month, a year, or the rest of my life, but I'm gonna tear down every evil organization I can possibly find."
"...even if it costs me my life."
She does that kinda laugh where it's just little hisses, "Yeah. Sure. You don't get it at all."
"What do I not get?"
She shakes her head. "Look. We just have to try and find Applebloom. Don't worry about anypony else, just find her. Okay?"
I cross my arms. "Fine." I grab a few bottles of water from my fridge, pouring them down the sink.
She tilts her head, "What the hell are you doing?"
I don't answer her, going into my garage. I pick up a red canister, filling the bottles with the foul-smelling liquid.
I tuck them in my bag, then walk back out. "I swear to Celestia that I'll bring back Applebloom, or die trying."
I walk out, the door slamming behind me.
I set off at a run, heading where Scootaloo had directed me.

//-------------------------------------------------------//
                       Chapter Four.                       
//-------------------------------------------------------//
Chapter Four.
As I slowly wake up, you notice a warmth across my lower stomach and crotch.
I open my eyes. "Huh..?" I murmur.
There's a rather large bulge in my blanket. Like.. I knew I was decent sized, but this is bigger than I imagine Big Mac is.
I pull up the front of my blanket, seeing if I'd suddenly grown to fanfic proportions. I find Sweetie Belle, splayed out on her back on my stomach and crotch. She's snoring very lightly, her mouth slightly open.
I chuckle lightly, booping her nose. "Boop," I whisper.
Her hind leg twitches, rapidly tip tapping my smaller than Equestrian average man-goods. I smile wryly as I realize that it's going to be a regular thing for me to be thankful I'm wearing jeans. Still, it's a little awkward, since she's literally laying right on top of me...
snooore.... .... .... ....snooore....
I debate whether to wake her up, and risk her asking what is poking her, or let her sleep, and hope that I calm down down there.
She then rolls over and I feel two nearly flat orbs pressing through my trousers.
Aaaand that's the end of any hope I had of calming down.
I shift awkwardly, trying to not wake her. "Uh..." I whisper to myself.
She makes a strange moaning sound in her sleep.
I didn't even know I could get that hard. I sit awkwardly, the gentle shifting that she makes as she breathes not helping any.
Her eyes open a little, a yawn over-taking her as she leans up, planting both hooves just above my tip.
"Good morning..." She mumbles, rubbing her eye with a hoof.
I shudder, then think fast and levitate her into my arms. "Good morning,"I greet her, giving her a small hug. "How'd you sleep?"
She bought it, like discount pichee.
She yawns once more, "I slept okkie dokie... How'd you sleep? You look a little sick..." Her eyes open as she starts further inspecting my blushing face.
I shake my head. "I'm alright, nothing to worry about," I reassure her. I sit up a little more. "So, where'd you come from? Visiting me in the middle of the night? Y'know, if you do that, people will think we're-" I pretend to be poised and elegant once more, "-having an affair."
I at this point hear keys clinking in the front door. I panickedly levitate her to sit atop my head once again.
She then slips down the front of my face, rubbing her crotch tits across my mouth and eyes and ending up sitting like a bunny on your upper chest, boobies for all to see. At the point the front door opens.
Rarity and Twilight enter the living room, happily chatting about popcorn or something equally amazing. Until Twilight freezes in place and Rarity turns to look at I with her friend.
"Hi Rarity!" Sweetie waves and cheers as her sister and her sister's friend's mouths open slightly.
I wave, yawning. "G'mornin', sorry, I jus' woke up, how's'it goin'?"
They glance between me and Sweetie. "E-Err... Quite." Rarity says slowly. "I mean... Quite... Spectacular! Yes, of course."
She shares a glance with Twilight, who shrugs.
I attempt to get up, only to slip on my blanket.
Twilight manages to catch me in her magic.
"Careful!" She whines, sitting me back on the couch.
I right myself sheepishly. "Thanks. Sorry, I'm not.." I yawn. "...not quite a morning person. I don't usually wake up for a good half hour.."
Rarity raises an eyebrow, pulling over a pair of spare chairs, "Then... Why are you awake now with ah..." She reaches down and pats Sweetie on the head, "Sweetie Belle here?"
I chuckle. "I woke up early to this little goofball's snoring. Apparently she decided I was a better pillow than the one in her room."
"Goofball??" Sweetie whines. "I am not!" She then turns to Rarity, "Wait is that a good thing?"
"Not now, Sweetie." Rarity pats her head again, quickly ignoring the filly. "Well I suppose I'll just have to take your word for it. You are the professional." She shrugs.
I run a hand through what feels like incredibly messy hair. "Hm. Professional in everything but hair, apparently."
I blink. "Sorry, I ramble when I'm still waking up."
She waves a hoof, "Quite alright dear." She stands, replacing the chair to where it was. "In any case, your payment."
I stare at her for a few seconds until it clicks. "Oh, right. Duh." I stand up, thankfully not tripping over anything this time. "Here, let me..." I trail off. I make use of my low-ability brain and let my thoughts turn action-based, cleaning up everything and straightening up where I slept.
Rarity shakes her head, "No, dear, it's quite alright." She reaches into her saddlebag and pulls out a pouch of bits
I shake my head. "Nuh-uh, I'mma finish the job and clean up first." I look around, making sure the dishes are all done and everything's put away. "...Oh, I guess I didn't really make much of a mess. Huh. Cool."
Rarity chuckles politely. "Quite."
I accept the pouch, tucking it into my pocket for later. "Thank you very much, I appreciate it."
She winks, "That should pay for your expenses this month.”
It takes a second for that to sink in. "Wait, what?" I look at the pouch incredulously. "Naw, it was just a night's babysitting job, surely it's not worth that much..."
Rarity chuckles, "I meant it only in good fun."
I shake my head. "Still, I'm honored. Thank you, your generosity is greater than even I expected."
She giggles lighthearted, "But of course, you shouldn't be so modest darling." She waves the compliments away, "It's my honor."
I smile. "Still, thank you. I owe you one."
She smiles, closing her eyes. "But not at all. Thank you. Should I have need of your service again you will be the first to know."
I nod, levitating my bag into my hand. "I guess I'll get out of your mane, then." I turn to Sweetie. "It was great hanging out with you!"
"I love you!" She yells very loudly, waving frantically.
I stare, surprise clear on my face, for a second before chuckling and ruffling her hair. "Love you, too, kiddo."
Rarity gives an awkward laugh, "Yes! Quite. Well, have a good trip home!"
I shoulder my pack, walking out into the fresh Ponyville morning.
I look around, seeing the markets being set up, windows being opened as people let sunlight into their homes. I smile and inhale, taking in the fresh, clean air. I love this place.
Up in the sky, I spot Derpy. Weaving and ducking around nothing terribly.
In curiosity, I quickly rush to my house, not too far from here, and use my magic to help me leap up onto my roof to watch her.
Watching pegasi was something I liked to do often, it was awesome. Sometimes I wished that I could fly, too, but I was content with my magic, so watching was good enough for me.
She's not very elegant at flying, but I enjoy watching her anyway.
In her twists and awkward turns, she spots me  and attempts to land next to me.
She sorta successfully lands next to me. "O-Oh. It's you..." She mumbles, looking down.
I nod, somewhat hesitant. "Sorry, I just saw you flying. Seeing pegasi fly is... quite an experience for me, I'm still getting used to seeing it. It's not something I've ever seen before, and it's simply amazing."
She cocks her head a little, but seems to understand a tiny bit.
"I... I see."
I nod. "Sorry for being so.. forward the other day. I guess I got a little too caught up in the moment."
She sighs, "N-No... I'm sorry for acting like a complete meanie..."
I tilt my head. "How were you a meanie?"
She looks away, "I just was... I accused you of doing mean things...
I shake my head. "No, it's alright. I kinda didn't think, and I can totally see how you'd think I was a little creepy, it's fine." I smile, embarrassed.
She cracks a small smile too, "Alright... Sorry about that." She scruffs her hoof across the roof.
She nods twice, almost like pepping herself up, before sighing again. "Anyway, I gotta..." She gestures a hoof in a circle, not really communicating anything to me. "Go."
"You sure? You look a little tired. You can come on in for a drink, if you like. I know an excellent recipe for Sahlab, it's kind of a vanilla drink." I smile. "I also have muffins."
She shakes her head, "Sor-" She pauses, her pupils shrinking.
She licks her lips a little, "W-Well... I mean..." She looks up at me, being just slightly shorter, and the light shines off her eyes in just the right way. "One muffin couldn't hurt... Right?"
I chuckle. "Of course." I drop down, opening my door. "Come on in, they're on the counter."
She hops down, stumbling only slightly, before following me inside. "Or two."
Smiling, I pull out two pans of fresh muffins I'd made yesterday, of all sorts. "You sure two's enough?"
She nods slowly. "Maybe four."
with a mischievous grin, I pull out one of each kind - chocolate chip, poppy seed, blueberry, cranberry, chocolate, lemon, and pistachio.
"Go ahead, take as many as you like."
She glances up at me.
Then deftly takes them all while I’m blinking. When my eyes open, she's chowing down on blueberry.
I laugh gently. "Somehow, I thought you'd take that course of action." I hum happily. "Go ahead and have the rest, if you like." I levitate the pans over to her.
"If you want, I can put some in a box for you to take home."
She nods swiftly. "Ochmay!" She yells through the muffin.
I raise my hand, and a box fills itself with the rest of the muffins, setting itself neatly beside Derpy. "There you are, all yours~"
Her eyes sparkle as they eye the box, then shift to me. She's speechless
"What?" I ask curiously. "Something wrong? I didn't switch baking powder and baking soda again, did I?"
She blinks and swallows her food. "Thank you..." She mumbles, looking back down at her muffin.
I smile. "Don't mention it, I love baking, and I love giving food away. It's satisfying to see people enjoy what I make. You don't have to thank me, rather, I thank you for letting me give them to you."
She smiles, "I guess you're pretty sweet... Sorry for uh... You know." She nibbles another muffin.
I shake my head. "It's fine, it's in the past." I grin. "But if you want to make it up to me, then you better enjoy those muffins!" I jokingly threaten. "Or else it's the dungeon of Fruitcake for you!"
She stares at me before giving a long, loud laugh.
I tilt my head. "I didn't know it was that funny," I chuckle. "I guess I must have picked up a +2 Funny skill point or something," I quip.
She gives another long, loud laugh.
My smile slowly drops as my confusion rises. "Uh...?"
She's just staring at me with a slightly awkward grin. "That's... Nice."
I frown. "I'm guessing my joke was a fail, then."
She shakes her head.
"It's not..?"
I scratch the back of my head. "I'm confused."
She stares awkwardly. "Uh..."  Then eyes the door. "I gotta go."
I nod, my enthusiasm deflating as I realise that I've botched it yet again. "Alright. Maybe I'll see you around?"
She smiles a more normal smile, "Of course. You seem really nice."
My smile lifts a little. "Thank you. Don't forget your muffins."
She nudges the box on her back before looking back to you and holding a hoof out. "It was nice to meet you. ...Again."
I shake her hoof. "And it was nice to see you again. Come on over anytime you feel like having a muffin, alright? I'll always have a tray or two freshly made," I promise.
She smiles widely. "Really?!" She then coughs and thumps her chest. "S-Sorry, I had something in my throat." She clears her throat with a very convincing noise, "So uh... Yep." She nods. "I uh... Gotta go."
I chuckle. "Alright, see you later."
She smiles and stares at the strange door knob. "Er... How uh... Do I open this door...?"
I look at it, then facepalm. "Ah, right, it's not made for hooves. One second.." I point at the door, which opens itself with a blue glow. "There you go."
She nods, "Thanks. Uh... Bye." She then steps out and takes off.
She manages to take off rather nicely, not dropping the muffins even! As though protected by some arcane force.
I sigh. "Well, that wasn't as good as it could have been, but I guess at least she doesn't think I'm a creep. Probably, anyway." I look around my kitchen. "Hm.. I need to get some more flour."
I pull out the pouch, tossing it into the air and catching it a few times. "Guess I should go get some."
"...now that I can actually afford it."
The entire world seems to be waiting for an opportunity to do something interesting.
I pocket it, then grab my coat and walk outside. "I guess I'll go  to the marketplace."
The world agrees this is a good idea.