Onion lore

         Gloria slowly lifted her head, and I felt as if I had my real body back.  Everything inside me stilled as she smiled through her tears.  “So am I, Orion,” she said with a sick little laugh as she sat down.  “I was ready to hate you.  I really had written you off.  And as much as it hurt, I think I was okay with it.  And then you show up, and I was wrong, and it turns out you still care about me.”  She smiled even wider and added, “And you were almost a father.  Congratulations and sorry.”  Her eyes rested on an old photo of me and Her with that last word.  “You don’t even have your body anymore.”

        “Gloria, what's wrong?  Talk to me,” I said as I reached out with my hand to hold her shoulders.  “Tell me what I did wrong!”

        She cocked her head, smiling at me with a look of pity as she wept.  “Orí, do you love me?”

        “Of course I do,” I said, immediately.

        “Why?” Gloria asked in that soft voice.  So tender.  Such yearning to be understood.

        “What?”  I blinked in bafflement at her.

        “Why do you love me?” she asked as she stared into my eyes.

        “I...” I stammered, trying to think.  “You’re... good.  And smart.  And nice.  And...” I said, but the words felt hollow to me.  True, without a doubt, but I knew other good, smart, nice people that I didn’t love.  “I just do!” I finally blurted.

She just shook her head with that horrible, sad smile.  “I know you just do.  But that’s not enough.  I loved you because you protected me.  You were so strong. Too strong.  And like my parents you both left me behind and horribly injured yourself in the process.”

I rolled my eyes.  “Gloria, I had to do that.  The first time I was going crazy and the second time I was detonating an Afinian WMD that would have killed you.  It almost killed me!” I pointed out.

She brushed my long grey hair out of my eyes.  “I know, Orion.  I know why.  And I’m not mad at you for it.  But... I would have rather died than be left behind.  Maybe I would have.  Or maybe we might have found another way.  We could play what ifs all the time.  The point is that’s not love.  Or rather, not the kind of love I know I need.”

“And what is the kind of love you need Gloria?  Just tell me and I’ll give it,” I swore.  Anything to make this madness stop.

She actually laughed, and then wiped her snotty nose on a sleeve.  “Just like that?  Funny thing is... you would.  You’d try to.  I know.”  She sighed.  “What I need is somebody who needs me.  Not just for emotional support, but who needs me with them.  That won’t try and treat me like a helpless baby.”  She shook her head.  “I’m not that girl that was trapped underground anymore, Orion.  I haven’t been for a long time.

“But I need you,” I swore, trying to put as much feeling into it as I could.

“You need someone, Orí.  But it doesn’t have to be me,” she said with that wistful gaze in her eyes.  “In fact, I think right now that it shouldn’t have been me at all.  I was just clinging to you in the hopes that, eventually, you’d love me the way I needed to be loved.”

“But Gloria... I...” I fumbled, feeling gutpunched.  “I can love you like that.  I can.”

“No, You’re a good person, but you can’t put me first.  You didn’t put your own life first, even when you were alone.  That... scares me.  I can’t imagine the kind of man who can do that.  I wonder if I could ever do what you do so easily...” she said quietly.

I wondered if this was really happening.  Maybe any second the sadistic torture program would pop out of the couch cushions and go ‘surprise, want to execute Dredger now?’  Then I’d be free to meet the real Gloria and everything would somehow... magically... be fine...

Damn it... Webber never had to go through this.  Why did I?  I looked at Fontaine, but all he gave me was his own sympathetic gaze.  Not a shake of the head or a nod of advice.  Not a word.  This he was leaving entirely up to me.  I returned my eyes to her face.  “You’ve been there for me so many times, even with all my mistakes and screw ups.  I don’t want to lose you.”

        “And I’ll be there for you in the future,” Glory said quietly, “as a friend.  But you and I... we don’t... have anything anymore.  I’ve always been carried along, swept in your wake, left behind, and picked back up again.”  She covered my mouth with her hand.  “And I know you do like me and care for me.  And I’m very thankful for that.  But that... that isn’t love.  You have a deeper connection with Tora than you will ever have with me.  And I need someone I can have that connection with.  It isn’t going to be with you.”  She sniffed and leaned up, kissing my cheek softly, and then pushed my hands off her shoulders.

        She started to walk out the door, and I just stared after her.  Then I blurted.  “Gloria, do you love me?”

        She paused and looked over her shoulder at me, smiling calmly amid the wet on her cheeks.  “No,” was all she said, and then stepped out of Olde House.  Her name caught in my throat as I struggled to say whatever magic phrase would change her mind.  Something.  Anything...  The quiet click of the door was like a shearing blade right through my heart.  Slowly I bowed my head, and tears began pattering by my boots as I thought of all the things that could have been... that should have been...

But I'm not Webber, I'm not a gilded hero that can sweep her off her feet and give everyone the happy ending they want. I'm Orion the soldier. Orion the president. Orion the war machine.