Onion lore

        Down by the river, I was astonished to find an old navy police pox sitting next to gate at the front of the bridge. The doors were slightly scorched, but the box was still in quite a good condition. The woman I assume to be Derpy was in the midst of haggling for a bag of flour. The Doctor lay draped across a rock next to the battered Box, hat covering his head, a trio of bottles collected around him.

        “You survived?!” I shouted at him.

        He jerked upright, scattering bottles every which way as his head turned wildly with his pirate hat still covering his face as it sat loosely on his head.  “I fully reject the astutely false equivocation of that preposterously obligatory statement!” He bawled out.  “That's wildly unfair profiling of the supremely nautically challenged, and hence I am heavily offended but it, sir!  Offended and upset!”

        “It’s me, Doc,” I said as walked over in front of the inebriated time traveler.  “Orion. President.”  I pulled off my helmet and grinned at him.

        He pulled the hat off and arched a brow as he eyed me suspiciously.  “I’ve heard that in many occasions often of late.  Some say they are.  Some say they aren’t.  How am I to know this isn’t a highly elaborate scheme to thoroughly confound and disabuse me, The Doctor  of my personal dignity and infamously high character?”

        “I… uh…”  he’d missed the meeting, it seemed.  Then I picked up one of the empty bottles, stuck it on my finger, broke it over my head, and grinned at him.

        “Well,” he said formally.  “That changes things.”  And he pulled the bottle off my finger, looked at the others arranged around him, and lifted up one with a few dregs, downing it.

        “How are you still in one piece?” I asked.  “I saw the Tardis get hit.”

        He scowled at me.  “Did not.  You saw her almost get hit.”  He spat at the city.

        “Doctor, we nearly got blown out of the water!” Derpy hollered back at us, her teal painted knight armor shifting as she put her hands on her hips.

        “Not even close!”

        “It nearly burned the roof off!  We were almost cooked in the steam.”

        “Just a graze,” The Doctor said, adopting a stoic pose.

        “Didn’t it vaporize those bottles of Kylmiir’s Moonrise Rum?” She bemusedly hummed.

        The Doctor's  bottom lip quivered, and then he grabbed me and sobbed into my shoulder.  “It was a disaster!  A catastrophe!  If we hadn’t of turned towards the city at the last moment, I would have lost the last bottle too!”

        “You nearly lost your ship, Captain Dodo!” the teal knight yelled back.

       The teal knight poked her head into the Tardis, then shook her head.  “Where's all the money?” Derpy turned towards The Doctor. “Doctor, did you—ORION?!” She jumped in surprise and trapped me in an armored hug. “Oh my god I thought you were dead!” She chirped, before being pried off by the Doctor. “You are the REAL Orion, right?” She asked.

        The Doctor moved a bottle over and stuck it on the end of my finger.  He then gestured to me with both his hands and an arched brow.

        “He's the real Orion,” He assured her.  “It’s good to see you too, Derpy.  Is Fontaine around?” I ask, puzzlement in my eyes.