Apocalypse: The Substitute Science Teacher
On a chilly, Winter morning, Sunset Shimmer walked through the hallways of Canterlot High-school as she made her way to her science class.
“Sunset!” Pinkie Pie yelled as she ran up next to her friend. “Sunset, did you hear?”
“Did I hear what?” Sunset asked as the pink ball of energy stacked five foot six inches tall stood in front of her with a large smile.
“We have a substitute science teacher!” Pinkie exclaimed. “I heard a few girls it was that super strict guy we had last month. You know, the one who sent Rainbow to the office for yawning really loud?”
“Oh, boy,” Sunset said. “Just what we need.”
“Aww, cheer up, Sunset!” Pinkie said as she walked alongside her friend. “At least it's not that weird guy who kept talking about crystals for whatever reason!”
“I guess so,” Sunset said. “let's just hope he doesn't end up being as strict as last time,” she as she opened the door to the classroom. As she entered, she looked at the teacher's desk and her jaw nearly dropped.
Behind the teacher's desk was a near eight foot tall, muscular, and heavily armored man. He had bluish-grey skin, two wires going from his elbows to his shoulders, and a belt with the letter A on it.
“Ah, hello,” the man said. “You must be Sunset Shimmer,” he said. “And you must be-”
“Pinkie Pie!”
“Yes, I've heard much about you from other students,” the man said. “Anyways, my name is En Sabah Nur,” he continued. “But, I have been called many names over thousands of years. My personal favorite is ‘Apocalypse’.”
Sunset raised an eyebrow. “Thousands of years old, huh?”
Apocalypse nodded. “Now, why don't you both take a seat and wait for class to begin,” he said. “You too, Miss. Pie.”
“Okie dokie!” Pinkie said as she zoomed over to a seat and sat motionless.
“Aren't you a fast one,” he said. “I once knew someone who could run fast.”
“Did you two become the bestest of friends?”
“No. I killed him.”
“Wait, you've killed someone?” Sunset asked, shocked.
Apocalypse smirked. “Well, one of my names is Apocalypse,” he said. “I didn't get that name by feeding rabbits and giving homes to the homeless. I figured a smart cookie like you would be able figure that out.
Sunset and Pinkie exchanged unnerved looks before Sunset sat down at her seat. Once Apocalypse went back to looking over some papers, Sunset leaned over to Pinkie. “I thought we had that strict guy, not a wrestler," she whispered.
“I thought so too," Pinkie whispered back. “I... guess they were wrong.”
The two girls both shrugged and pulled out books to read. A few minutes later, the rest of the class piled into the room, all of whom were equally as shocked by Apocalypse's look.
Except for Fluttershy, who let out a squeak and hid under her desk. “I’ll just stay under here,” she said as she covered her face.
“Now, now, little child,” Apocalypse said as he held out his hand to Fluttershy. “There's no need to be alarmed. I'm not going to hurt you.”
“I-I'm fine down here,” Fluttershy said as she shook. “Really, I am.”
Apocalypse chuckled. “Why do you hide?” he asked as he stared at Fluttershy. “Do you fear that which is bigger than you?”
“W-well,” Fluttershy said as she shook. “You look really scary, and-”
Apocalypse frowned and took his hand back. “Those that fear are weak,” he said. “Should you prove to be weak, then you'll fail the class. Only those that are strong, and from what I can see, you are anything but strong. You are weak and are full of fear.”
“Hey, what does Fluttershy being afraid of you have to do with science?” Rainbow Dash asked as she glared daggers at Apocalypse. “I thought teacher's were supposed to teach us, not insult their students!”
“Ah, but you see, I am teaching you,” Apocalypse said. “I'm teaching you the rules of my class!” Apocalypse levitated Fluttershy out from under her desk and placed her in her seat. “You cower again and you're getting sent to the principal's office,” Apocalypse said before he walked over to the whiteboard and grabbed a marker. “Now, allow me to make a few rules. The first is that if you are weak, you can and will fail.”
“Uh, I don't think principal Celestia will approve of that,” a scrawny, purple colored boy said. “Nor will the board of education.”
“Yeah, and I don't care,” Apocalypse said. “I'm more powerful than your entire school put together, and if it wasn't for some bald bastard and his band is misfits, I'd be ruling over all of you right now.” Apocalypse smirked. “My point is: a bunch of suit wearing nimrods aren't going to do a damn thing to me.”
“Is this guy for real?” Applejack asked Sunset. “He's gotta be the craziest fellow I've ever seen.”
“Hey!” Apocalypse yelled. “That's rule number two: no talking during class unless you're called on!”
“What if we have to pee?” the purple kid asked again.
Apocalypse held out his hand and levitated the kid over to him. He walked over to the door and opened it. “I will not tolerate disruptive behavior!” he said as he dropped the kid outside. “Xavier is disruptive enough, I don't need a walking, talking grapefruit to help!”
“Would Twilight count as an accomplice!?” Pinkie Pie shouted as she pointed to Sci-Twi. “She’s lavender colored!”
“Are grapefruits lavender colored?” Apocalypse asked sternly.
“Um… nope!”
“Then what do you think?”
“Nope!”
“Oh, how I wish I had my four horsemen here to help,” Apocalypse said. “They'd be able to keep you fools in check.” He grabbed the market and again and wrote down the third—and final—rule, which read: ‘Any disobedience will be met with harsh punishment’.
Sci-Twi raised her hand, a nervous look on her face.
Apocalypse turned his attention to the nervous student. He smirked in amusement at the sight. “Yes, Miss. Sparkle?”
Sci-Twi fidgeted with her fingers. “What do you mean by, 'harsh punishment‘?” she asked sheepishly.
“Well, maybe I'll throw you out of the classroom,” Apocalypse said, “or out the window.”
Sci-Twi gulped. She waited for Apocalypse to turn his back and begin writing when she leaned over to Sunset. “Is threatening to murder your students normally allowed here?” she asked her friend in as quiet of a voice as possible.
Sunset shook her head. “Though, honestly, I don't think even principal Celestia knows about this goon.”
“I can assure you, Miss. Shimmer, that your principal knows that I am teaching you,” Apocalypse said. “I can also assure you that she doesn't care about how I teach you all.” He turned around to face the two offending students. “Based on what I've learned, you two both possess immense power. I'll let you off with a warning for now,” he said. “Now, from what I know, you're all learning about the planets?”
The class collectively nodded.
“I'm quite fascinated with them myself,” Apocalypse said. “There is much about them we do not know, and only so much time you mortals have to learn about them, and many beings that you're all unfamiliar with. But, if I talked about every being that you don't know about, I'd be here until you all die.”
“Are we going to learn about our solar system?” a pink colored girl asked. “Or are you going to keep babbling like my dad does whenever he sees a black van outside of our house?”
Apocalypse rolled his eyes. “What was the second rule I wrote down, little one?” he asked the girl in a calm voice.
“Um… don't be disruptive?” the girl said sheepishly. “Heh… I forgot. Oops.”
Apocalypse held out a hand. The classroom door opened and the girl floated towards it. “Safe travels,” he said as he flung the girl out of it. “Now then, since you're all so eager to learn about the solar system, how about you all get your textbooks out?”
The class slowly got their books our as they stared at the classroom door.
“She's fine. Trust me, I didn't throw her as hard as I could've,” Apocalypse said. “I only threw her hard enough that she's now one with your hallways wall,” he said as he grabbed a piece of paper from his desk. “It says here you're currently learning Venus.” Apocalypse frowned. “I'm disappointed you aren't learning about Celestial related.”
Pinkie Pie gasped. “Is that like principal Celestia!?” she asked excitedly.
Apocalypse slammed down the piece of paper onto his desk and pointed a finger to the whiteboard. “The second rule you imbecile!” he growled. “What does it say!?”
“Don't… don't be disruptive,” Pinkie whimpered.
Before Apocalypse could throw Pinkie out of the classroom, Sunset Shimmer stood up. “Apocalypse, you let Twilight and I off with a warning because we held great power,” she said as confidently as possible. “You should let Pinkie off with a warning too!”
Apocalypse stared at Sunset with a look of surprise. “You stand up to me?” he asked. “Admirable, but all for naught. She may hold power, but she broke one of the established rules.”
“Well, so did Twilight and I! Or Applejack!” Sunset retorted. “Why didn't you kick us out?”
“In both instances, it was merely whispering. Pinkie was not whispering,” Apocalypse said as he held his hand out, and the classroom door opened. “Now then, Miss. Pie, to the principal's office with you.”
“What!?” Pinkie Pie shouted.
Apocalypse flinched. “You're almost as loud as Black Bolt,” he said. “No matter though.” He held his hand towards the pink colored loudmouth and levitated her towards the classroom before dropping her outside of it before slamming the door shut. “Now then, let us continue in peace.” Apocalypse grabbed the piece of paper from his desk and re-read it. “Oh, this is about your science projects.” He tossed the paper aside and walked to the front of the classroom. “Okay, take your projects.”
The students took out their projects and placed them on their desks. Models of different planets sat on their desks as Apocalypse looked at each of them. As he looked at each one, he slowly got more and more frustrated. Finally, after a few minutes, he walked back to the front of the classroom. “Dreadful, dreadful, dreadful!” he yelled. “You call those models!?”
“Well, what were we supposed to do? Make a near life-sized replica of a planet!?” Sci-Twi asked.
“I expected more than a simplistic, bland, paper-mache sphere!” Apocalypse snapped. “Only two models didn't look like shit. Yours—which had detail to it—and that fashionista’s, though yours was of Mercury, which could be replicated by taking Swiss cheese and grey paint and mixing them together, and that fashionista's made my eyes hurt from the glitter!”
Rarity folded her arms. “I felt the planet needed more beauty to it,” she said. “After all, it is named after the Roman goddess of Beauty.”
Apocalypse face palmed. “Have you even seen a photo of Venus!?” he asked. “It's the exactly opposite of beautiful!”
“Yes, I have,” Rarity said, “and that doesn't mean I can't make it look nice.”
“She has a point,” Applejack said. “Just sayin’.”
“Enough!” Apocalypse yelled. He held his arms put to his side and tilted his head upward. “If you can't make even the simplest of models, then everything you've made will fail!” he bellowed as the classes science projects began to crumble away and float towards him. “And from the ashes of your projects, I'll build a better one!” With that, the remains of the projects were built into a statue of Apocalypse, who admired his creation before he turned to the awestruck class. “You're all getting F's.”
The class groaned in aggravation and one student yelled out, “What a load of crap!”
Apocalypse picked up a pencil and threw it at the offending student, which resulted in the student flipping off the near eight foot tall, armored man with telekinetic powers.
Apocalypse held his hand out and opened up a window, after which he levitated the kid out the window and tossed him onto the ground. “I've had it with you all,” he said. “You’re all disappointments!”
“So are you,” Rainbow Dash sneered. “When I first saw you, I expected you to be badass. Instead, you spoken more than you've done!”
Apocalypse glared at Rainbow Dash, who shrunk in her seat. “Normally, I'd crush you like the insect that you are, but you aren't worth my time,” he said. “Besides, you also exude great power. Perhaps, one day, you'll realize this.”
Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow. “You mean the power of friendship?” she asked.
“Yes,” Apocalypse said. “Now then, class is almost done, and I've taught you nothing. As a result, I must assign you everything that was supposed to be taught as homework. This is all your fault and not mine.”
The students all collectively groaned, much to Apocalypse's amusement. He walked over to a stack of papers on his desk and looked through them. “Well, look on the bright side: your teacher should be back tomorrow, and I can go back to being evil.”
“Okay, if you're evil, why the heck are you teaching this class?” Sunset asked. “That's been bugging me ever since you said you've killed people!”
Apocalypse looked up from the stack of papers. “A jackass named Magneto bet me fifty bucks I couldn't reach a class of kids something while being as nice as possible,” he said. “So I dropped a flu strain into your teacher's drink when she went out to dinner last night and disguised myself as a substitute teacher, which I did by flipping through your school's records.”
“That's a lot of work to get fifty bucks,” Rainbow Dash said. “You're… really crazy.”
“Says the kid who tried to talk back to someone who's almost twice her size and could snap you in two with two fingers,” Apocalypse said with a smirk.
“Says the guy who lost a bet.”
Before Apocalypse could retort, the class bell rang. Immediately, most students ran to the classroom door without a second thought. Rainbow stuck her tongue out at Apocalypse before she walked towards the door and flipped him off, after which she slipped through the door.
Apocalypse rolled his eyes and looked at Sunset Shimmer, who was talking with Sci-Twi. “Sunset, you were the only student that didn't make me want to punch a puppy,” he said, “so I gave you a D minus on your project.”
Sunset turned around and smiled. “Um, thank you,” she said.
Apocalypse nodded and went back to his chair. “Just get to your next class. I need to rest my head.”
“What about your next class?” Sunset asked.
“Ah, fuck.”
Sunset Shimmer and Sci-Twi both chuckled and left the classroom. “Okay, serious talk: did we learn anything today?” Sunset asked.
“I did,” Sci-Twi answered. “I learned that people like Apocalypse are really stupid.”
Sunset giggled. “Fair enough,” she said as she and her friend walked down the hallway to their next class.
