Arm the Partillery!

by Dlaf rferg

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random
Length: 1182

Twilight wonders where Pinkie got her party cannon from. Pinkie is happy to oblige.

Twilight was thinking one day, with free time on her hooves, "Where did Pinkie get a party cannon?"

Pinkie was happy to answer the question.

Not gonna lie to you all, I saw a quote from this epic story that had the word partillery in it. I literally fell out of my chair.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-09-24 21:33:27 UTC

Gunfetti

Twilight was sitting in her thinking chair, sipping on some delicious cocoa, pondering during one of her Thinking Time™ sessions. "I wonder," thought Twilight out loud, "where Pinkie gets her party cannon."

...

"Spike! I'm going out!" Twilight glanced in her hooves. "After I finish my cocoa!"

As Twilight walked down the street, greeting everyone she'd meet, she walked to the birthing place of the treat, but when she got there, there was a line so she took a seat, and starting playing video games on her iCrystal, but a player on there was a cheat, and this rhyming has gone way too far to be discreet.

Twilight shook her head about. Why was she thinking of odd rhymes? Might be because of-

"Hi Twilight!"

"Ohmi-ACK!"

Holy buc- Why did Pinkie insist on scaring her!? It's terribly rude, and she was sure many ponies would react in a more violent manner!

"Silly billy! You were too absorbed in your o-" Pinkie stared at Twilight flatly. "Rhymes? Really, Twilight? I didn't think you'd like that sort of thing."

"Pinkie, I'm sure that's a huge invasion of privacy." She didn't even question it anymore, it was just Pinkie. "But I came here for a reason, so I could ask you a question."

"Oh?" Pinkie was holding her cheeks in her hooves, her elbows resting on the counter. "Do tell."

"Pinkie... Where did you get your party cannon?"

"Oh, that's easy! I got it at the Gunfetti store!"

"...What?"

"Oh, you haven't heard of the Gunfetti store!? It's practically advertised everywhere in Ponyville! It's even on the front page of the newspaper!"

Pinkie pulled the latest issue of the Ponyville Times out of her tail. Twilight look at her skeptically.

"What is it?" Twilight turned her look towards the paper, and back to Pinkie. "Oh? Oh! The newspaper! I'm just out of space in my mane!"

"Ah, that explains it. Please continue."

"Ahem. As I was saying, the Gunfetti store is advertised everywhere! Not a lot of people go there though." Twilight levitated the paper out of Pinkie's hoof and unrolled it.

On the front page, the bottom left corner of the sheet was dominated by an advertisement for the Gunfetti store, with a stallion featuring a dark-green coat, with a buzzcut of bright pink. He had an eyepatch on his left eye, although why he didn't get the damage magically healed Twilight doesn't know. His glare was unfriendly and downright hostile, and in big blue and yellow lettering it said "Visit the Gunfetti store for a whole heap of fun!"

No wonder people don't go there, this guy looked like he'd hoof you in the face! She had wondered why she hadn't noticed it before though. Pinkie saw her staring and explained who that was.

"Oh, that's General Disposition! He runs the Gunfetti store!"

"Is his name actually General Disposition?"

"No, that's just his honorifics! But, I can't tell you what his first name is, because," She looked around, then whispered (crowd-whispered, as that was all Pinkie was able to muster in quietness), "The Poopers know, and they're eeeeevil!" Pinkie leaned back, going back into a normal pose. "I learned it because I know his wife, Sunny Disposition! She used to be Sunny Side, because she's such a good motivator (also her fried eggs are quite delicious), but then they got married! I went to the wedding, and had cake, and had a party contest with Cheerful - and hoo boy, can he party! - I alm- Oh no."

"What?"

"I said his name! I've gotta go and apologize!" Pinkie leaped up onto the counter, and somehow had acquired a black jacket, and a pair of sunglasses. She held out a forehoof to Twilight, and said in a very terrible Germane accent, "So come with me if you want to live."

Before Twilight could answer, she shed the strange clothing and sped away, hopping like a fleeing bunny. Twilight thought for a moment, then ran after her, because she had no idea where the Gunfetti store was actually located.

"What about the shop!?"

When Pinkie stopped, Twilight was surprised at how close the shop was to her castle.

"Pinkie, if the store is so close, why did we run through the entirety of Ponyville!?"

Pinkie didn't answer however, as she sped into the store where she heard a cry of pain and a thud. She cautiously poked her head into the store, where the princess saw the pink mare apologizing profusely to a dark-green stallion, who was presumably General Disposition.

"It's okay Pinkster, it's okay. As long as you didn't tell any," he looked around with suspicious eyes before continuing "Pooper scum!" He looked down gently, questioningly. "Did you tell any Poopers?"

"If I may interject-"

Twilight was immediately cut off by a rubber duckie hitting her horn. She looked down to see the same rubber duck - which, she noted, had the armor of the Royal Guard on - on the floor, deflating slowly.

"Ouch, I guess."

General Disposition ran up to the grizzled rubber duckie and cradled it's slowly deflating body in his hindlegs. Tears in his eyes, he said to the duck: "Your wife, Princess Celestia would be proud. Heck, I'm proud of you, Commander Gosling."

The duckie seemed... relieved as it passed into the ethereal plain. Pinkie was bawling, and Twilight was just baffled. How did this stallion think a rubber duckie was married to the Sun Goddess? Surely Celestia could do better than an inanimate object.

The general turned to face Twilight suddenly, vengeance in his eyes. "You! You killed Gosling!"

Twilight backed up a bit, intimidated. "Woah mister, he att-" She didn't get to finish, as General Disposition stood on his hooves.

"What do you mean!? He was startled! You don't come into somepony's house and startle them like that! It's rude, very disrespectful, and worst of all, potentially fatal - as evidenced here! And I am not 'mister', I have a title! It's 'General'! I didn't fight in 3 grueling, unforgiving wars to be called mister!"

Twilight was having none of this, and rolled up her metaphorical sleeves.

"First off, I apologise for calling you mister. That was very rude of me, but you can't just shout at somepony because of that! That's as rude - if not more rude - than what I did originally!

"Secondly, if indeed we do count this rubber duckie as a life, that was self-defense! It lunged at me," Or got thrown at me, Twilight thought to herself, "and thus I was merely protecting myself!"

"Thirdly - why the buck am I arguing with a clearly insane pony, who thinks a rubber duckie - who he named after a young swan, which means the name was inaccurate as well as stupid - is married to the pony who controls the bucking sun!"

Pinkie and 'the General' were gaping at her, with horrified expressions on their faces. Twilight realised she had gone way too far, and said (in her defense, timidly), "Excuse me for just a minute."