The Perils Of A Pegasus Posing As A Pretentious Popinjay
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The Perils Of Pegasi Posing As Pretentious Popinjays
The Perils Of A Pegasus Posing As A Pretentious Popinjay
The Perils Of A Pegasus Posing As A Pretentious Popinjay
It was the onset of yet another beautiful day in Ponyville, as Celestia's sun slowly rose over the horizon. Everything was quiet, everything was as it should be. Apart, that is, from one small corner of the town, where a large amount of frenzied activity was happening...
A loud rapping at Fluttershy's door startled her from her heavy sleep. The yellow pegasus had just returned from an extended stay at raucous Las Pegasus, and she quite fancied a lie-in to unwind after her stressful trip away. The last thing she needed was to be disturbed this early while she was still worn out, but if it was something so important it couldn't wait...
I swear, if it's map duty again, I'm going to be ever-so-cross... thought the meekly placid Fluttershy, as she descended her staircase to the front door, it's at times like this I wish Twilight had never got the silly thing repaired. Can't I have just one morning of relaxation, before...
Her musings were cut abruptly short when she saw what awaited her outside. For there, between the dark and dreary Everfree Forest and her humble little cottage, lay a whole regiment of stallion drawn carriages, each one having transported many members of the glitterati who usually wouldn't step one hoof outside Canterlot, unless it was to some exotic vacation locale, which Ponyville most definitely was not.
From her brief excursions across the more affluent areas of Equestria, Fluttershy recognised a few of them, such as Upper Crust and Jet Set. The one that stood out the most though, was Prancy Pants, the somewhat less intelligent and much more stuck-up brother of Fancy Pants, who was leading a small group of well-off ponies. Each wealthy individual halted their sophisticated banter as she poked her head around the corner, as they stared in awe at the nonplussed pegasus.
"U-um..." Fluttershy murmured, surveying the parade that had seemingly sprung up overnight. "W-what exactly is going on here? Angel? Did you do something?!" It may seem unfair for the pegasus to accuse her bunny without any actual evidence, but as far as that rascally rabbit was concerned, such heedless paranoia should perhaps be the standard.
"Angel? Angel?! Darling, you're our angel! We've been looking for you for long..." Prancy Pants addressed the utterly bewildered pegasus at her doorstep, almost bowing in reverence. "So many years, living a lie. Out of sight, out of mind, keeping hidden. Now we've finally found you, we'll never lose you again. You have my solemn oath..."
"E-er, I really have absolutely no idea what you're talking about..." Fluttershy was beginning to think this was a prank set up by the unrelenting Rainbow Dash, who apparently hadn't learned her lesson after the zombifying cookie incident. "But could you move your vehicles off the lawn, please? You're ruining my front yard..."
Fluttershy was being deadly serious, but the assembled snobs treated her stern reprimand as if it were a big joke, with an outbreak of haughty chuckles rippling around. "So much time away, yet such a great sense of humour... " Prancy Pants smiled with admiration. "Don't fret though, you don't have to worry about this moldy old deathtrap of a shack anymore. You'll live somewhere that more befits your true status like say, a six-floor mansion with it's own swimming pool and sauna. Coincidentally, there's a vacant one for sale right next to my estate. What are the chances, eh?"
"Listen, I don't know who you think you ponies are, but that does not give you the right to insult my property!" Fluttershy was most put out with the slurs aimed at the home she'd built from the ground up with her own four hooves. "Also, I don't know who you think I am, but let me reassure you right now you've got the wrong mare! My name is..."
"Fluttershy..." Prancy Pants stated triumphantly, as though he'd been expecting her to say just that. "Hermetic animal caretaker. Flight school dropout. Element Of Kindness. You really developed your alias well, I must say. You might have gotten away with it too, if not for two tiny little mistakes. The first was your close links to the future Princess Twilight as soon as she arrived here, you always could sniff out future greatness to exploit, couldn't you? The second was, of course, your recent resurfacing in Las Pegasus. Didn't you think such a national event would make the headlines back in Canterlot, Ms Impossibly Rich?"
Upon hearing the name of her fake persona, everything immediately became clear to Fluttershy, and she giggled a bit at her auspicious guest's error. "Oh, now I get it. Listen up everypony, this has all just been an unfortunate misunderstanding. If you'll all just pay attention, so I can explain..."
"No can do, Ms Rich." Prancy Pants waved away the yellow pegasus's words with a swept hoof. "We're wise to your tricks, and won't fall for them again. Your family is waiting for your safe return, as are hundreds of other gentiles who want to renew their acquaintanceship. Forget this dumpy little eyesore, we'll have it condemned in no time, and have the vicious beasties inside released back into the wild where they belong. Now, come with us. Your chariot awaits!"
"But I'm telling you, I'm not...mmpphhff!!" Fluttershy found herself unable to utter one syllable more, as she was grabbed by two burly butler types, and deposited into the back of a waiting carriage. Now that their passenger was safely on board, the other aristocrats soon followed suit in their departure, with Prancy Pants pondering as he left with the rest of the party.
"Wow, she really went all out with this false identity of a pauper, didn't she? I can practically smell the animal dung from here. Disgusting... I'll never understand my brother's fascination with the poorer margins of our country. Still, I'm sure Incredibly had her reasons to leave without any warning. Perhaps her daughter-in-law was one of them ..."
.................................................................................................................
"Tell me again, why was I summoned to Canterlot so abruptly, Cadence? I have books that need stacking, lists that have to be made, a dragon that wants feeding, and a student that I must school in the fine art of friendship, no matter how many how many times she nods off..."
"I don't know Twilight, though to be honest, it's just a relief to get away from the tedium of changing diapers, singing lullabies and listening to Shining Armour complain about almost being zapped every half-hour by our bundle of joy. It must be important though, just look at the turnout, especially amongst the nobility..."
The two royals were at a small scale but well attended soiree that evening at Prancy Pants's mansion, with only but the finest members of the gentry invited. Princesses Twilight and Cadence were there in absentia of Luna and Celestia, but not even they knew much about the illustrious mystery guest that would be making an appearance later on.
"Oh, her name is Impossibly Rich, and she's such a dahling..." Upper Crust had squealed to them earlier, getting drunk in record time as per usual. "She got up and left one day, without so much as a goodbye note. Her family have been trying to locate her for years, hiring private detectives nationwide and putting up a massive cash reward. My theory is this: she got so fed up of her family feuding over the will, that she'd just had enough and skedaddled permanently. Now that she's been found, no expense has been spared in celebrating her safe return..."
"Yes, and we helped track her down!" Jet Set beamed as he'd held his wife, or rather, held her upright. "Of course, it was never about the bits, only the warm glow of knowing we'd helped a family in need unearth their long lost relative, as well as the satisfaction of a job well done..."
"Don't forget dear, we also did it for prestige, so we could keep getting invited to classy shindigs such as this..." Upper Crust had been totally sloshed by this point, with all inhibitions long since thrown out of the window. "He's determined to be somepony special, you see. Clean Luna's toilet for an entire year to get noticed, my dearly beloved would. Me? I'm only in it for the refreshment. Another glass of your finest alcoholic apple cider if you wwwould purreaseee, bardenderrr... 'HICCUP'."
It was at this juncture that the model of sobriety that was Upper Crust fainted dead away, leaving her husband to drag her loudly snoring carcass off, citing that complications with some pills she was on explained away her completely out-of-character public intoxication. Why he thought anypony would believe him, who knows.
Back to the present, the general blather around the VIPs suddenly stopped, as a chorus of trumpets could be heard playing in the distance, and a red carpet was rolled out into the centre of the room. Strolling along it was Prancy Pants, and behind him were two muscular servants, each one restraining a struggling figure hidden under a silken blanket.
Even though Prancy Pants looked quite relaxed as he bathed in the anticipatory silence of those gathered, he seemed to be frantically engaging in a whispered conversation with whosoever was beneath the veil.
"But I keep telling you, I'm not her!!" The more sharp-eared of the elite equines present might have heard a soft voice emitting underneath the material.
"And I keep telling you, you eccentric ascetics really crack me up!" Prancy Pants hissed through his smily facade, as he reached the rostrum which was set up in the middle of the chamber with his reluctant, unseen companion.
"Hello, lords and ladies, dukes and duchesses, and especially, the two princesses, for attending..." He began, while adjusting the microphone slightly for static."I'm here to make a very special announcement. For today, I can officially confirm that a once sorrowful family has been reunited, one of our fellow members of society has been rediscovered, and an eons long hunt has finally been put to rest. But before we unveil the reclusive and highly elusive Ms Impossibly Rich, I'd like to welcome some of her kin onto the stage to share this very special moment with us all. Please, give them a warm hoof of applause!"
The spontaneous clopping of many ponies could be heard as Filthy Rich, Spoiled Rich and Diamond Tiara made their way onto the elevated platform, the trio demonstrating highly variable demeanor in their ascension. Filthy was trying to be as stoic as possible, but visibly petrified as the prospect of seeing his long-lost mother again. Spoiled was predictably in her element, curtsying and blowing kisses while encouraging her daughter to do the same. As for her, she just looked underwhelmed by the whole palaver. After all, it's a bit difficult for a filly to get excited over somepony she's never met, and only found out wasn't actually dead, until very recently.
Regardless, everypony was now ready.
The drum roll started...
All those present held their breath...
The covering was cast off...
And, there was Fluttershy in a dress.
It was an extravagant outfit that was even more ostentatious than any of those she exhibited during her short-lived modelling career. A nauseating combination of the most garish colours imaginable, it had taken four maids to squeeze her into it earlier on, all through the yellow pegasus's wild protests. If anything though, Rarity would have struggled even more, possibly to the death.
That's to say nothing of her heavily made-up mane, which had been washed, curled and styled in such a way it seemed to float in the air. There was also the layers of make-up, chintzy jewelry and glittery horseshoes, but even through all that razzmatazz, it was still recognisably Fluttershy.
A very different looking Fluttershy, but still undoubtedly her for those who knew her the best.
Like Princess Twilight for example, who, after exchanging astonished looks with Cadence, was about to say something...
But was beaten to it by one Filthy Rich. "That's not my mother!!" He bellowed, clearly apoplectic with rage. His wife looked at him in surprise from her shameless schmoozing, with Diamond Tiara suddenly beginning to take an interest in proceedings. Hello, this is starting to get good... she thought.
"B-but..." Prancy Pants stammered, his mouth flapping like a fish out of water. "S-she matches the description you gave us to a tee... a-and the photo..."
"Are you blind, sir? Clearly, you haven't cleaned your glasses for a while." Filthy bared his teeth, thrusting an angry hoof at the gaudily attired Fluttershy. "This pony is at least fifty years younger than my dear mother! Even if that wasn't the case, it's impossible that it's the mare that gave birth to me! Check the picture you have again!"
"O-okay..." An extremely nervous Prancy Pants reached into his suit pocket, and pulled out an image of a pony. Cross referencing the headshot with that of the mare that he'd forcibly dragged across Equestria that very day, he noticed a couple of major differences. Not just the age factor, but also...
The pony in the photograph had a pink coat and a yellow mane. Fluttershy, on the other hoof... Oops.
"U-um..." Prancy Pants was shaking so much at this stage, he dropped his microphone. "T-there appears to have been some kind of mistake..."
"Too right there has been..." Filthy Rich growled, his eyes narrowed in fury. "Hiring you as head of my task force to find her being the worst of them! I hereby rename you... Impossibly Stupid. You're fired, and don't expect to be paid anything for this waste of mine and my family's time. Think yourself lucky my daughter's nearby, or my language would have been much harsher. Come on you two, we're leaving!!"
"B-but, dear..." Spoiled objected, futilely attempting to hold back her husband in his egress. "P-prince B-Blueblood will be here later, and I haven't even had a chance to meet him yet! I-I get the feeling we'd have so much in common! A-and the vol-au-vents, darling. The vol-au-vents..."
"We're going this minute, and that's that!!" Wrenching himself away from his usually irrepressible wife, he sauntered off determinedly, leaving her little choice but to play catch up, while flashing the rest of the guests a sheepish smile as she left, begging her 'new friends' to contact her again. Sadly, in a stunningly shocking twist, none of them ever did.
As for Diamond Tiara , unused to seeing this level of defiance from her consistently submissive father, she remarked out loud "Wow, go Dad..." before realising all eyes were on her. "E-er, great party, everypony. A lot more exciting than I was led to believe. I better go now, while my father still has his bal-guts. Well, ciao..."
The pink filly waved slightly, before dashing off to savour her parents' rare role-reversal, leaving behind a thoroughly bemused crowd of onlookers, a babbling wreck of a stallion compere...
And a very, very ticked-off yellow pegasus, who was now in the final stages of tearing her despised party gown to shreds, as well as throwing away her dangly earrings, wiping off her heavy eye shadow...
When Fluttershy looked a little more like her normal self, that's when the real fireworks began, as she confronted Prancy Pants head-on. "You woke me up at the crack of dawn, ruined my lawn, kidnapped me, drove me miles in the back of a bumpy carriage, imprisoned me in the most hideous dress I've ever seen, immersed me in cosmetics, humiliated me in front of a large crowd and worst of all, made my animals starve for an entire day, for what? A case of mistaken identity, when I told you time and time again I wasn't who you said?! Why... I'm so peeved right now, I could... I could..."
Fortunately, Fluttershy wasn't in a magical comic book at that specific moment, or Flutterhulk would have inevitably been the result of her letting off steam. As it was though, she still looked mightily irked, if her deep breathing and even deeper scowl weren't enough of a clue. The more she dwelt on the shabby treatment administered to her that day, the more incensed she became, until the normally peaceful pegasus was literally staring daggers at the agitated Prancy Pants, while he began backing away from the developing threat in front of him.
"I think it might be a good idea to make yourself scarce for now." That was Princess Twilight, piping in, with some decent advice.
"H-how s-so?" Prancy Pants responded, while still keeping his eyes firmly trained on the advancing yellow mare.
"Well, you know the old phrase 'Beware The Quiet Ones?' "
"Y-yes?"
"Well, can you think of any ponies quieter than our Fluttershy?."
"O-oh, d-dear..."
Author's Note
I actually came up with two good ideas for fics after 'Viva Las Pegasus', but I couldn't decide which one to write. Eventually, I thought what the heck, I've got a couple of days spare, let's do both of 'em, so here we are.
Hope you enjoyed! 
