My Little Politician: Late Shows are Magic

by HypernovaBolts11

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Second Person, Comedy, Sex
Length: 1603

Prince (Nightsong) Cantus Nocturnus has been asked to appear as a guest on The Later Show with Righteous Rhetoric. With the craziest election ever in full swing, what could possibly go wrong?

Prince (Nightsong) Cantus Nocturnus accepts an invitation from Righteous Rhetoric, host of The Later Show, to appear as a guest star just one month before poles open to conclude the craziest election of all time.

What could possibly have compelled him to do this?

Short answer: his mother.

Rated Teen because this story is heavy on Equestrian political humor, and the comments section might have a few... unsavory comments about my political orientation.

Published 2016-10-10 15:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-10-10 15:40:02 UTC

Opening - A Host's Usurpation

Author's Note

I'm trying to keep this distanced from the real election, with only a few analogous points between the candidates, but this is gonna upset somebody, so to those people, I apologize.

I call the office Prime Minister in this story to make that distinction extra clear. The Prime Minister is, in this alternate universe, more an extension of the Legislative branch than an Executive one. The Princesses are Heads of State, attending international conferences, meeting foreign dignitaries, etc, as we have seen them do in the show.

If you don't like political humor, you can click away to another story.

Opening - A Host's Usurpation

You slouch into the soft couch, its red fabric distorting to accommodate the form of your exhausted body. You glance at the remote control, sitting on the leftmost arm of the three cushion couch, and your orange aura surrounds it. You lift it in front of yourself, and point it at the large television screen on the other side of the room.

The screen fades in from black. It's on a show you don't like, so you flip through a few channels before it comes to a rerun of a late show you've been told is good, so you hit select and rewind to the beginning of the episode.

A welcoming voice speaks over the cheering of the audience and a moonlit shot of the Manehattan streets, ponies walking on a crosswalk and carts stopping at the intersection to let them across, "It's The Later Show, with Righteous Rhetoric. Tonight, Righteous welcomes, Royal Guard Captain Constantine-" The shot jumps to a bird's eye view of a lit hoofball stadium, with the guest's name painted onto the turf.

"-Princess Flurry Heart-" The screen displays a fisheye lens view from a sidewalk in Manehattan, with a sign showing the aforementioned celebrity's name in blue serif font.

"-and Supreme Court Justice Prince Cantus Nocturnus-" A train rolls by on a track high above the ground with the final guest's name printed on it.

"-Featuring Noteworthy Noise & Stay Pony-" You see a subway pulling into a station, with bold blue letters showing the band's name.

"And now, from the Ed Stallion Theater in Manehattan, it's Righteous Rhetoric!" The camera rolls forward across a street, into a theater entrance, and the double doors open to show a grey earth pony walking in from backstage, the spotlights above the audience shining on him.

The shot jumps to a spot in front of the late show host. He's dressed in a dark blue suit, white undershirt, and a red and white striped tie. A pair of glasses rest on his nose, and he exclaims, "Woo!"

The stage is polished, shiny, and black. On the left half of the stage is an elevated wooden platform. The desk is a smooth wooden table, raised a meter from the platform. The front of the desk reads, in big red letters, "The Later Show." Below the red are a series of blue letters that spell out, "with Righteous Rhetoric."

The host walks stage left, and shares a brief embrace with the head of his band, a green pegasus with variously shaded stripes in his mane, and they pat one another on the back.

The host turns around to address the live audience, a pleasant smile on his face, and waves a hoof to his fans. He says, "Welcome to The Later Show. I'm Righteous Rhetoric," and the audience gradually calms down as he steps to the center of the stage floor.

"Y'know a lot of times, if you watch the show, uh, I start the show talking about Trump Card, but there is other news out there..." he says, eliciting a sheer from one of the audience members, before adding, "...one imagines..." The audience rewards him with a half hearted laugh.

"Because Trump Card, uh, visited Canterlot last night for a rally, and as it turns out-" He glances to his left, and says, "-Gerald, could you put this up?" He waits a moment, and the screen shows a blue stage platform with an orange coated unicorn standing at the podium, and a cloaked figure pushing its way the crowd is highlighted and enlarged in the video.

"-As it turns out, audience members at the rally say that this figure has leafy green fur, a darker green mane, and ghostly blue eyes." The screen cuts back to the host, who is swaying back and forth as he speaks to the camera, "Now, and this isn't confirmed yet, but some people are saying that this mare is a secret agent, sent by the royal family to assassinate the Conservative Party's Prime Ministerial nominee."

"More specifically, they say that she is one Agent Sweet Tooth, a close friend and companion of Princess Luna's son," he adds, and an image of a mare fitting that description appears on the screen. She's laughing with a dark blue bat pony–changeling–alicorn hybrid over a fancy midnight lunch in Canterlot Castle's dining hall.

"Now I don't believe that the royal family would ever stoop so low as to have someone killed, after all, even the most malicious of tyrants are only ever sentenced to a thousand years in stone," he says, and an image of Mister Card as a statue appears on the screen. "And besides, why would they ever send someone as important as the prince's girlfriend to do something so jeopardizing to the-"

Suddenly the audience erupts into a clamor of cheers and squeals as you are presented with the footage of what is happening on stage. Rhetoric is standing there, looking at the audience in confusion, baffled, whilst a finely dressed pony steps onto the stage from behind the late show host, and waltzes towards the desk.

The stallion has a deep, navy blue coat, an ethereal turquoise mane, which is tied back into a short ponytail, spiraled horn, brown eyes, and leathery bat wings folded at his sides. He is wearing a baby blue tuxedo, with a bright red tie tucked into his suit, and a white undershirt. He doesn't look away from what is directly in front of him, which happens to be the host's desk.

He pulls out the swivel chair with a baby blue glow of his horn, and sits down in it, whereupon the host freezes in place, and his left ear twitches. The host says, "I sense a great disturbance in the force," which just stokes the fire of enthusiasm that has gripped his audience, which promptly laughs and cheers with renewed vigor.

The alicorn lifts a white and blue pen off the desktop in front of him, and taps in on a small stack of papers, which he pulls towards himself with a hoof.

The crowd hasn't stopped shouting, but has begun chanting in unison, "Cantus! Cantus! Cantus!"

The host slowly turns his head, and then locks his gaze onto the intruder, who simply lifts the papers in front of him, and straightens them out on the surface of the desk. He looks from side to side at the audience, and lifts a hoof over the desk, which he slowly lowers, calming the roaring crowd with ease.

There is one loose comment from a younger member of the audience, who declares, "I love your band!"

The prince, having begun to compose himself, breaks free of his regal demeanor, and looks in the direction of the outspoken mare. He smiles, and whispers, so that the sound is picked up by a microphone in his lapel, which is hidden inside a black rose, "Call me."

Several of the audience members cheer at this.

The prince smiles at the camera, and erupts into an instant of blue fire. When the flames have died away, there sits an exact copy of the host, who then recoils from his attempt to tap the prince on the shoulder. The replica straightens his glasses with a hoof, and says, "Hello, and welcome to The Later Show. I'm your host, Righteous Rhetoric. Breaking news-"

The original Righteous Rhetoric interrupts him, "-Woah, woah, wait a minute."

The one at the desk looks up at him, and says, "Yes."

"This is my show," the original says, pointing a hoof at his own chest, more than a little miffed.

The pony at the desk leans back into his chair, and rests his hindhooves on the polished surface. He bursts into flame again, purging himself of the disguise, and, crossing his forelegs behind his head, says, "Righteous, you've taken a few shots at my job over the years, and I thought I'd take a shot at yours."

The crowd erupts into a fit of cheers, but the Prince simply extends a hoof, which he lowers, and the audience's volume follows.

The earth pony blinks once, and says, "Is that an order, or do you just wanna talk about the election half an hour before your bit starts? With all due respect, your majesty, this is my desk."

The alicorn smiles, and says, "First of all, call me Nightsong. Secondly, I spent a thousand years under a rock, do you really think I'm gonna let my family friends throw in their two bits first, and let you get away with misappropriating my relationship to Sweet Tooth? I respect them both, but I'm a fair bit older, and I'd like to give my take on the election before I expire."

The host just stands there for a moment, and says, "The stage is yours." He turns to the camera, and says. "We'll be right back. Say hello to Noteworthy Noise & Stay Pony, everybody."