Chapters Idol Hooves at A Canterlot Wedding
I decided to try one more time. "There's supposed to be a big party afterward." Maybe she was in a festive mood?
"Not interested."
"Shining and Cadance will be there. Actually, they are the ones getting married."
"Yep. So I heard. Met them before, thanks."
I paused and reflected. "Do you know that you are getting more and more like a changeling every day? You prefer to spend your time underground here in your workshop rather than go out and be social with ponies."
Topaz Showers stabbed a dead beetle through the midsection, forever pinning it to the mounting board underneath. I shuddered involuntarily. No matter how many times I saw this, I could never get used to it.
"I have months of samples I need to organize, categorize, record, and mount. This mandatory vacation day is the perfect chance for me to catch up on my inventory."
I sighed softly. There would be no mandatory vacation day for me. Every Royal Guard soldier was on duty for the Royal Wedding. Add to that the ongoing threat of invasion from a still-unknown source.
Finally, I decided to concede. After all these years, I knew there was no convincing her when she got up to her withers in her research. "I'll come home when they let me go."
"Umm-hmm," replied the mare as she held up a magnifier, studying the wing joints of her newest victim.
While climbing the stairs, I couldn’t bring myself to look forward to the event. I should be happy for Shining Armor and for Princess Cadance, but everything seemed … off. I had been to weddings before and the preparations for this one seemed muted, somehow. The distraction of their beloved Captain of the Royal Guard marrying the even more beloved princess should be creating love in the air to rival the Crystal Empire of legend. Instead, I could taste the undercurrent of fear everywhere. The citizenry was frightened.
Was it their animal instincts warning them of something I could not detect, having not been born a pony? I promised myself to look into this more later. My quest to understand ponykind had been ongoing for twelve years now. This was far from the first time a new perception caused me to go back and re-examine everything I thought I knew.
I used my magic to lift my armor from the ponyform manikin Topaz had gifted me last Hearth’s Warming Eve. She had insisted that draping my armor on a fake pony was somehow better than dropping it in a convenient pile on the floor. Having learned not to eat, burn, bury, or improve her gifts over the years, I dutifully went through the motions of using it, just to keep her happy.
I walked outside just as Celestia raised the morning sun over the horizon. I smiled. At least I was being reassigned from the town wall to the castle proper today, the day of the big event. Maybe there would be good feelings to enjoy there.
“Mr. Hooves!” came a shriek from behind me. My mood dimmed. No good feelings today.
Resigned, I turned around. “What can I do for you, Miss Proper Place?”
She huffed. “That’s Ms. Proper Place and you know it! And why do you think I’m wasting my precious time talking to my lazy neighbor? The same reason as the previous twenty times! Your lawn is not up to code!”
I turned and regarded the strip of earth that ran in front of Topaz’s house. Two strides would cover its length, and I could easily step over its width. Why did ponies make so much fuss over stuff that was so little? It wasn’t entirely brown, but Proper Place had told me in no uncertain terms that weeds do not count. Eating them did not make her any happier, either. I sighed. “I’m sorry. Topaz and I just don’t have any skill at growing anything that is green.”
“You are in violation of the covenants of this subdivision, of which I am the entire Greenery Department! You will get your property in shape or there will be dire consequences!”
“Hey, Idol!” a voice called from the street. I turned and saw Bold Bigflank waving. “We need to get a move on!”
I turned not at all reluctantly to my neighbor. “Sorry, Missus Place, but my duty to the Princesses calls.”
I heard her shouting at my retreating back “It’s Ms. Place! I want to see that yard so verdant that children can’t help but graze on it! I want it so lush that our subdivision gets on the cover of Canterlot Horticulture ! Do you hear me?” I wanted to ask how a half-eaten lawn would be worthy of a magazine’s attention, but not enough to slow my pace.
Idol Hooves at A Canterlot Wedding
The Exciting Life of a Royal Guardsman
I sighed again and slouched. Guarding my small section of hallway in the castle from nopony-knows-what was just as boring as guarding a small section of the Canterlot Wall. Probably more so. I had most sensibly asked the Sergeant if I could at least guard the opposite wall a few strides down the corridor. That way I would be able to see outside, searching for any threats. “Outside is being taken care of by other ponies! Do your duty, soldier!”
I used to love the monotony of just following orders, no matter how senseless. When did this change? When did escaping boredom become nearly as important as my duty? Maybe something would crash through the wall, giving a moment of excitement before smashing me to smithereens on the far side. Vaguely, I wondered if I would ever get so bored that I would prefer this. Eventually, my ears picked up two sets of hooves approaching.
I had made a game of straightening my posture at the last possible moment. It made the long periods of nothing, which pretty accurately described the job of a soldier, a bit more entertaining. I had noticed that many enlisted soldiers also played this game. To be honest, a changeling had an unfair advantage over ponies. I could detect the emotional state of anyone within earshot if I concentrated, pinpointing when they were about to come into view. Sometimes, I could even identify the person just based on a familiar mixture of boredom, love, anger, and the dozens of other emotions that filled their thoughts. It was like a hoofprint, but each pony would have an angry hoofprint, a daydreaming hoofprint, etc.
Today I pulled myself up straight early. It felt like Shining Armor was one of the two approaching, an exhausted Shining to be specific. But I couldn't feel any emotions radiating from his partner. How was that possible?
Standing at attention, I turned an eye that direction. When they started to round the corner, I first saw Shining quietly engrossed in conversation with his companion, then as they continued around the bend of the hallway I saw her. As in HER, her. My Queen. Chrysalis.
Visually she looked like Princess Cadance, but to any changeling's senses, they could not have been more different. The real Cadance shined like the sun. The sheer output of her radiant love could passively feed a dozen drones to their fill in minutes. If any drone was foolish enough to try to drain her emotions, it would burn them out in seconds or make them explode—possibly both.
To my emotional senses, Queen Chrysalis was more like a dark hole floating through the air, constantly sucking love from her companion. I froze, unsure what to do. Where was the real Cadance? Would the Queen link me back into the hive? Why was she here?
They hadn't noticed me yet, but they surely would if I ran away now. I realized my choice was made for me, and I continued to stand stiffly at attention, hoping to be unnoticed. Shining would pass closest, so perhaps Queen Chrysalis would not notice little, insignificant me. A sudden surge of pleasure and a punishing pounding on the shoulder brought that illusion to an end.
"Idol Hooves! How are you doing, buddy! It's been too long! Here for our big day, huh? That means it will have to be your turn next, right?"
I forced a smile and looked my former camp-buddy in the eye. "It's good to see you too, Captain. I hope the day is not too big for you."
Shining laughed. "Same old Idol! You're avoiding my question, though. You're still living with, umm, Topaz Showers, isn't it? You need to start thinking about your future!"
I saw that "Princess Cadance" was studying me closely now, frowning. Surely she had noticed my lack of a pony's emotional radiance. At a loss for what to do, I waggled my eyebrows at her. A familiar green glow lit her horn for the briefest of moments, and her eyes flew open. "Oh, it IS Idol Hooves! I do remember now! Dear, would you go on ahead for a moment and let me catch up with him about…uh…Citrine Something. I would really appreciate it." The last part was emphasized with an uncharacteristically firm tone accompanied by a slight green glow from her horn.
I saw Shining stammer for a moment as Chrysalis both sucked love energy from him and pushed a different kind of energy into his skull. He seemed especially subdued when he replied "Uh, OK. Whatever you say, dear."
Shining turned back to me with a bit of a green glow and a dazed look in his eyes, quite different from the too-many-beers dazed look I had seen before. Then he shook his head and his eyes and expression were back to normal. I felt his emotions spike again. "Idol! You and I will be sharing a few drinks tonight, buddy!"
"I prefer to drink my own drinks, if it's all the same to you, sir."
Shining laughed then continued down the hall. “Don’t be late for the rehearsal, honey!”
In front of me, “Honey” splayed her front hooves out, lowered her head slightly, and stared at me most intently.
“Oh, I won’t be.”
Idol Hooves at A Canterlot Wedding
“That will be fine, dear.”
“Great! I’m also thinking about having my parents stand up next to Celestia when you come down the aisle.”
“That will be fine, dear.” I ground my pathetically flat teeth. I had never done so before taking the form of the Alicorn of Love, but I was finding the sensation pleasurable. Or at least pleasurable enough to keep from killing anyone within leg-length while I withstood the monotonous spewage of senseless details coming from my ‘betrothed.'
“And I know the Flower Girls have light red petals in their baskets, but I’m thinking dark pink would better complement your coat.”
I felt one of my eyelids twitch. Was there even a difference? I was going insane trying to keep track of all of this insipid trivia my alter ego was supposed to care about. “That would be fine, dear.” More grinding. Suddenly, I stopped moving my teeth. What would happen if I retained the habit once I returned to my glorious true form? With a mouth full of fangs, that would be…painful.
"Idol Hooves! How are you doing, buddy!”
I realized Shining Armor had halted, and not only that, had tapped some energy reserve inside himself to talk to this…wait…that was not a pony. I frowned, staring at the impostor. He was familiar to me. After a few moments, the member of the Royal Guard looked directly at me and waggled his eyebrows.
Who would dare to…I checked my fiancé/food source and saw he was truly distracted. He would not notice a quick dose of green changeling magic from my horn. Quickly, I identified the soldier’s true form. It was him! The excavator from the 42nd generation I had exiled, what, 12 years ago. So he had survived. That was easily rectified.
I interrupted Shining Armor. “Oh, it is Idol Hooves! I do remember now! Dear, would you go on ahead for a moment and let me catch up with him about…uh,” what name did he use? “…Citrine Something.”
“I would really appreciate it.” I emphasized my statement by both drawing his excess energy and planting a light suggestion into him. His eyes went glassy and took on a slightly green hue. "Uh, OK. Whatever you say, dear."
I smiled. My hard work over the last two weeks was paying off. Now merely a slight suggestion and application of my magic made the Captain as pliable as—.
"Idol! You and I will be sharing a few drinks tonight, buddy!" Shining Armor exclaimed. I began grinding my teeth again, then stopped, remembering the possible ramifications. OK, a light suggestion was not enough. I would remember that. But where did this pony get these energy reserves from?
"I prefer to drink my own drinks, if it's all the same to you, sir."
Shining laughed then continued down the hall. “Don’t be late for the rehearsal, honey!”
I pulled back my lips and pointed my horn at my ex-tunneler, now sensibly bowing before me, not that that would save him.
“Oh, I won’t be.”
I pinned the drone with my gaze while waiting for Shining to move out of earshot. No complications could be permitted now. Too much was at stake. I began to charge my horn to reduce this troublesome drone to ash. A quick disposal and…
As the Captain finally rounded the corner, the drone dared to ask a question. "My Queen, how do you do it?"
My expression faltered and I lost focus of my spell. "What?"
"How do you assume the form of an alicorn for hours or days at a time without burning through all of your energy reserves?"
What kind of question was this? From a changeling whose purpose in life was to build tunnels?
I paused for a moment and hummed, pulling my specific memories of this drone from the hive mind. He had been expelled for thinking in ways that were incompatible with those working in the hive. He had ambition and the courage to follow his convictions. Also, a well-developed sense of aesthetics far beyond what his genetics should allow, even if he didn't have the skill to achieve it or the words to express it properly.
He was dead anyhow. No harm in answering his question. "Queens are able to assume forms in a different manner than drones; a much more efficient and complete representation." With that, I began charging my horn again.
"Oh, that would explain it then."
Annnnnd charging back down.
I was conflicted. My first, most direct, and most prudent impulse remained to burn him to ash, carry the remains to the nearest window and be done with it. I was too close to my goal now to allow any mitigating factors. But perhaps this drone had learned something useful during his years surviving away from the hive. Damn my curiosity. "Explain what, exactly?" I demanded firmly.
"When I took the form of an alicorn, I could only maintain the transformation for mere seconds. Then I was comatose for days until I recovered."
I blinked. Did I hear that right? "Why did you become an alicorn?"
My drone replied matter-of-factly. "I needed to subdue a manticore...and quickly."
My first thought, of course, was that he was joking, but I just as quickly dismissed it. Drones had a terrible sense of humor and couldn't deliver a joke to save their lives. I knew; I had had several try.
Had he unwittingly tapped into the gestalt of Equestria? If so, I didn’t understand how any changeling could have accomplished this. This insignificant drone had indeed grown into something unusual. I considered reconnecting him to the hive and draining his knowledge into it. But would this disrupt whatever made him what he had now become? The link would drain memories, but not physiological changes or those brought about by magic. Perhaps he could be something useful and loyal the way he was now. Besides, it would be better to wait until I could more carefully peel his new personality apart. And time was of the essence now.
I couldn’t hide my smile as a new, more ambitious thought emerged. Gaining the knowledge of how to elevate any or even all of my soldiers to the power level of an alicorn, however briefly, would make quick work of any resistance, even that of the Elements of Harmony or the two remaining alicorns.
My smile stopped. I contemplated what would happen if even a single creature of supreme power and will became attached to all the energy that could be supplied by the hive mind and every drone connected to it. It could conceivably wrestle control of the hive away from me, or drain every erg of energy away from all changelings, killing the entire race. Was this changeling before me a trap, a precaution sent by Celestia to catch me unawares?
I had to laugh inwardly at my paranoia. I considered again the drone in front of me. He had shifted in my mind from irritating hindrance, to savior, to the greatest threat the hive had ever faced. All without him saying another word. If possible, I would prefer to deal with him later. But was there a purpose he could perform for me now? Maybe to help make the wedding go off as planned. Perhaps he knew more than I regarding the coordination of the reception buffet napkins with the garland flower selection.
My eyes went wide in shock. By the First Queen, did I really think that? Was being in this form polluting my mind irreparably? I shook my head to clear my thoughts. Sensibly, the drone said nothing, waiting patiently.
“Drone, do you have experience arranging wedding ceremonies?”
“Ah…no, My Queen.”
Pity. That would have been useful. Was there anything else? Unimaginably, he interrupted my thoughts. "Your Majesty, where is the true Princess Cadance?"
My smile ended. "You question my authority?"
The drone shook his head slightly, keeping it bowed. "No, Your Majesty, I just want to know if she is still alive."
I waved my hoof dismissively. "Where she is now is not your concern, but of course she is still alive. She will remain so as I see fit. She is too important an asset to simply terminate.”
He bowed more deeply. "Thank you, My Queen."
I started humming again. Yes, this drone would require careful study when I had completed my takeover of Equestria. It was rare to find a drone that could stand up to a queen’s displeasure and not shrink away. He could potentially become a trusted adviser, unafraid to correct his queen when she might misstep. Or he could be more trouble than he was worth. Again.
For the moment, however, he could aid my plans. "Drone #42-231. There is a special task you will do for your Queen. If you succeed, you will help the Changeling and Equestrian kingdoms unite. Hunger will end for all of changeling kind. Do you want this for your brothers and sisters?"
My drone’s tone brightened. "That would be wonderful, My Queen!"
I smiled, though I suspect it was unlike the smile of the real Cadance. "I take it you are known to many of the pony guards and staff of this castle?"
"Yes, Your Majesty."
My horn glowed briefly. "Go to the doors outside Princess Luna's chambers. There you will find a dozen of my finest warriors disguised as the Night Guard. They are expecting your arrival. Tell anyone that approaches that on Princess Cadance's authority you are to prevent anypony from entering the Princess' room and disturbing her slumber. She must sleep undisturbed throughout this day for us to be successful. Can you do this for your Queen, for the good of the entire hive?"
My drone prostrated himself fully. "I will do so, Your Majesty."
"Good. Do not fail me."
He stood then bowed deeply. "I will not fail you or the hive, My Queen."
"Then go."
I smiled as my loyal drone galloped away. Truly, it was a simple matter to reassure him that he was still working for the good of Equestria. His Queen had promised so!
Idol Hooves at A Canterlot Wedding
"But Corporal Idol Hooves, this is an emergency!" the dark blue earth pony protested again. I noticed that his fine suit, which was typically pristine, was now somewhat dirty and not at all looking “freshly pressed.” I pitied him a bit. Yet another pony who let themselves go when the moment of the big event finally arrived. The twelve supposed Night Guard ponies behind me shifted slightly, I could hear them adjusting their grip on their weapons.
"Royal Tasks, there is always an emergency somewhere in Canterlot."
"Prince Shining Armor's protective dome has shattered, and we're under an invasion!"
I had to admit to myself that there was a bit more yelling outside than I could remember from other wedding celebrations. "If more guests want to attend the wedding than were invited, I'm sure the Royal Kitchens can provide."
"No, no, no! There are some sort of monsters attacking!"
I snorted. I wasn't a fool. "I doubt that very much. I'm sure Shining Armor and Princess Cadance had invitations delivered to all the monsters that were supposed to attend."
Royal Tasks mouth hung open limply, doubtless stunned by my brilliant logic. Soon, he resumed his entreaties. "But Princess Luna would not want to miss the wedding, and it's about to start!"
"Then I'm sure she will wake up when she doesn't want to dream about the wedding anymore."
The earth pony started to tear pieces of his mane out. I’d heard of this practice before, but this was the first time I had actually seen it happen. So much for that just being another colorful pony expression of speech. "Corporal, you will be hanged and drawn and quartered for this!"
"For following orders?"
The earth pony fumed and began stomping around the hallway. I idly wondered if all this marching truly was necessary for ponies to form their thoughts into coherent sentences. He stomped a bit too close to the Night Guard but backed up quickly when the closest aimed her spear at his chest.
Eventually, he found his words again. “But these bug-like pony creatures are destroying everything in Canterlot! They’re rounding up the civilians and sucking out their blood or something!”
I started at that. That sounded uncomfortably familiar. "Really?"
Royal Tasks bounced his head up and down. "Yes! Yes! All the ponies are suffering!"
"Show me."
Royal Tasks galloped down the hall and around the corner to an open window. As I followed, I could hear the screams growing louder, and they were not the celebratory kind. When I looked out, I saw something from a nightmare. Ponies were fighting changelings. Ponies were dying. Changelings were dying. In the Royal Gardens, palace servants were being forcibly drained of their emotions by drones. The enormity of what was happening struck me like a buck in the stomach. Chrysalis was taking over Equestria. And I had helped it happen.
What was I to do now? Did my loyalty lie with the Hive and queen that birthed me or my sworn oath to Equestria?
Royal Tasks yelled in my ear. "Will you let me wake Princess Luna now?"
I glanced beyond the castle walls; smoke and fire were rising from the city. I had my answer. Perhaps I had always felt it, but now I knew it was true. I turned to the earth pony. "I can't. They won't let me in. Go find at least two dozen of the Royal or Night Guard to force your way through."
Royal Task nodded, relieved. "Good idea. You find more and I'll meet you back at the Princess' chamber." He galloped down the hall at his top speed.
I turned back to the window. I had deliberately chosen an armor design that fit both unicorns and pegasi. Popping off the blanks covering the wing holes, I shifted into my "Sandy" pegasus form, spread my wings, and leaped. I flew high over the city to avoid anyone, changeling or pegasus. I could only hope I would be in time.
"I'm coming, Topaz."
Idol Hooves at A Canterlot Wedding
“Do you smell that, rookie?”
Again, the green-behind-the-eyes newbie stared at me blankly. He looked around the debris-strewn city block to try to puzzle it out. Near us, about a dozen emotionally drained ponies were being herded to the center of the street. The shouts of fighting, much less now, and the screams of ponies filled the air. I could tell from his expression that, predictably, he was clueless. Again.
“Smell what, Sergeant Valiant Fangs?”
I breathed in deeply, savoring the aroma. “The smell of burning hay in the morning. I’ve been on dozens of raids and operations during my time in the Queen’s Army and it never gets any less sweet. It smells like…”
“Victuals?” he interrupted.
I scowled. “No. Victory. It smells like victory. In Chrysalis’ Name, Private, do you only think about your stomach?”
“I’m sorry, Sergeant. I used up so much energy battering the force-field, I just can’t think of anything else.”
I sighed. The recruits from the 49th generation were somewhere between hopeless and useless. How could I shape them into a fighting force when they only thought about themselves all the time? But the Queen’s orders were clear. Every changeling soldier alive was involved in the attack, and capital punishment for insubordination, incompetence, or plain stupidity was banned. Time to get the recruit back on track. “You just fed off the emotions of the last pony we pulled out of its house.”
The smaller, weaker, and overall inferior soldier in front of me shook his head sadly. “I don’t think she had any positive emotions. Just when I started to drain her chi, I got a mouthful of fear and vileness. By the time I spit it out, I was even more hungry!”
A likely story. More like unfamiliar with forcibly draining positive emotions, or just missed them entirely. “What are your orders, recruit?”
I could see him zone out again. Fine, another smack to the head would get him motivated. Before I could connect, he scrambled backward and blurted, “My orders are to do whatever you tell me to do, Sergeant!”
I turned my hoof thrust into a firm pat on his head and rewarded him with a grin. “That’s a good lad! We’ll make a fearsome bug out of you yet!” He flinched a bit under my hoof but returned a wary smile.
“Tell you what, you’ll get the second pony we drag out of this next house, fair enough?”
He brightened, “Yes, sir!”
Fine and dandy. Motivate him with food. Belatedly, I decided against correcting his presuming me to be an officer. I wasn’t. Yet, anyway.
Across the street, one of the pony buildings chose that moment to collapse. Probably from the fire that gutted it, but I’m not a builder so I wouldn’t know. I focused on the next building in our search area. “I can’t feel any pony emotions on the ground floor. Sweep the upper floor and return there. I will locate the basement, if there is one, and flush them upstairs so we won't have as far to drag them to the street. Go!”
I flew towards the door and shouldered it open, surprised that it was unlocked. Disappointing. Nothing better than to blast through the weak building materials the foodstuffs used.
The ground floor was indeed unoccupied. Behind me, I heard the recruit fly up the stairs on my right. Scanning quickly, I located an open trapdoor. I smiled, feeling the heady rush that precedes battle. I charged down the steps into the dark, anticipating the look of surprise soon to be replaced with terror.
When I reached the bottom, my mouth hung open in shock. I thought I was in Tartarus.
There were insects here. Hundreds of them displayed everywhere like macabre trophies of death. They had been impaled in neat rows on boards all around me.
What could do such a thing? What monster would collect insects, stab them, then watch them slowly starve to death? Such barbarity was beyond anything I could imagine! When the Queen was displeased with a soldier, she killed him swiftly. This kind of torturous murder was beyond the nightmare tales told to nymphs!
I gasped involuntarily then immediately regretted it. I smelled extensive caverns and changelings. There were years of changeling smell everywhere, I was sure of it! Could there be a changeling hive already in Canterlot? No, that was impossible. My Queen would have known. Then what could have happened to all of them?
Realization struck me like a bolt of lightning, and my innermost organs felt like they had been dumped in ice. Suddenly, a wave of happiness spread across me from somewhere off to my right.
"There's my favorite bug!"
I snapped my head around. A pony mare stood boldly a mere body-length away from me, not a trace of fear in her body. She wore a leering grin on her face...and on her hoof stretched to towards me, Chrysalis help me, she held a pin.
I heard screaming coming from all around me. It followed as I flew up the stairs. There was a changeling with a shocked look on his face in front of me. I barreled through him, sending us tumbling out the nearest window. Still, the screams followed as everything I saw turned purple. I was being carried along faster than I could run or fly. I bounced off the side of a building, off the ground once, twice, then a stone wall rushed towards me.
And the screaming stopped.
Topaz Showers stood, mouthing words that would not come out. She closed her eyes and shook her head as a purple glow quickly arrived and faded. She sighed.
“Just when I thought I was beginning to understand him.”
Idol Hooves at A Canterlot Wedding
With horror, I saw that the front door of our house was open. Looking up and down the street, I saw changelings herding ponies into groups but no Topaz. I centered myself above the roof and began spiraling down, banking my wings to bleed altitude quickly. I wasn’t halfway when the kitchen window burst outwards and two changelings tumbled out. One ran away from the house while the other was swept up by a wall of purple energy. Or was it pink?
I turned to face it. Definitely purple, and quite familiar. “Hey! That’s …”
I didn’t get a chance to finish as Shining Armor’s shield spell blasted me out of Canterlot at incredible speed. Out of control, I tumbled head over hooves, trying to get my bearings. I saw the forest rush up at me between spins. Just before impact, I absorbed my wings, formed a ball, and hardened my hide everywhere I could.
I woke up in a forest, only the sound of insects reaching me. I tried to stand but found it impossible. I couldn’t move! Panicking, I tried harder, searching my senses for what bound me. Did a pony tie me up? Did my form slip back to my changeling self? I realized my eyes still worked. I looked at my legs in front of me. They were covered with thick, rock-hard skin. Belatedly, I remembered willing my entire body to the hardness of my hooves when I dig through earth and stone.
I returned my body to my tan pegasus form and took stock. I was sore in many places but nothing was broken. I tried flapping my wings and winced. I had strained my muscles trying to regain control of my flight, but the pain was manageable for now. I rose above the treetops and scanned the horizon. I was completely disoriented and had no idea which direction had I come from. The forest looked the same in all directions. Finally, I located Mount Canterlot perhaps a dozen miles away, the same direction as a path of smashed tree limbs and plowed earth that had slowed my descent. Sheepishly, I realized finding the direction home would have been easier if I hadn’t been in such a panic. Speaking of that, I had to get back to Topaz.
I pushed my wings as hard as I dared.
No pony challenged a pegasus in Royal Guard armor as I flew over the walls of the city, which was fortunate as “Corporal Sandy” would not be on any roll call. I landed unnoticed behind our house and changed back to my unicorn form as I galloped through the alley. When I emerged onto our street, I saw the most welcome sight I had ever seen in my life! Topaz was standing in front of the house, her head next to that of another pony.
“Topaz!” I yelled hoarsely, rushing up to her. I opened my hooves to gather her in. Only to be intercepted by her hoof smashing into my shoulder.
“Idol! What were you thinking? I know you don’t like Mrs. Proper Place, but to drain her emotions like this? And what possessed you to jump through the kitchen window?” Her anger was pounding into me, almost as much as the pain in my abused shoulder.
I didn’t know what to say. She was making even less sense than the lyrics of songs she sung on “Karaoke Night”, my previous high bar for pony incomprehensibility. Eventually, I decided to tell her the truth, as I understood it. Topaz had taught me to always start with that; then I could learn what I did wrong and apologize profusely. “Queen Chrysalis led the Hive in an attempt to take over Canterlot. Her drones were forcibly draining the townspeople of their emotions.”
Topaz furrowed her brow and I could taste her confusion. Then she looked past her neighbor, past me, and onto the street. “Oh!” Then up and down the street. “Oh. OH!” Then back into the house. “Ooooh! OOOOOH!” I patiently waited for her symphony of “Oh!”s to run out.
Eventually, she turned back to me with fear in her eyes. I didn’t need to guess what that meant. “I no longer follow Queen Chrysalis. My loyalty is to Equestria.” She surprised me with a huge hug, her affection and appreciation pouring into me. I did not try to stop it.
“Topaz, I also realized something at the castle. I need you to know…”
“Oh!” she exclaimed, her eyes opening wide. She pulled back and looked into my eyes. “Can we help Mrs. Place?”
Reluctantly, I turned my attention to our neighbor. “Well, she was always complaining about being miserable all the time. Now she’s not and also much more pleasant to be around.”
Topaz frowned and opened her mouth, then closed it. She opened it again and tried once more. “I can’t believe you said that, Idol.”
I could spot when she didn’t have a good argument. Perhaps I was gaining some Pony wisdom after all. “But is it true?”
She fumed for a moment then admitted, “Yes, technically, but we need to snap her out of it.....Wait!” With that, Topaz galloped inside, leaving me with the insensate mare. I felt a wave of warmth and friendliness behind me.
“I say! Another dazed pony with their emotions drained, I surmise.” An earth pony stallion pushed in front of me to study Mrs. Place. “Yes, yes, all the telltale signs.” I studied the intruding pony. He had a dull, off-white coat with a dark red mane. His cutie mark was a stethoscope which he accented with a real one around his neck. He then turned to me. “Doctor Positive Attitude, Guardsman! I firmly believe that a cheerful disposition is the best way to beat a bad turn, but I must say I don’t like the looks of these ponies.” He didn’t exactly frown, but his happiness output decreased considerably. “Haven’t got much left in my bag of tricks except to try letting them sleep it off.”
“I’m back!” Topaz declared, somewhat unnecessarily. Of course, I could tell she was back. How could I not notice when the center of my universe came back to me? She held a pouch under Proper Place’s nose and opened it. The unicorn began coughing and sputtering, but other than backing up a few paces (over our lawn), it was apparent there was no change in her condition.
“Ah, smelling salts, I wager!” offered the Doctor. “Yes, we’ve tried those on several of the afflicted but that hasn’t been the shock their systems need, I’m afraid.”
Suddenly, I realized what would, and what Topaz had overlooked. Now, what did that beast smell like? Ah, yes. I walked behind Proper Place and lifted her up. At that same time, I altered my skin pheromone producers to output manticore stench in great quantities. I pointed my head behind me and yelled, “No hope for this one, Sergeant! Let’s feed her to the manticore!”
Apparently, I overachieved my goal because I was suddenly being pounded with a great deal more ferocity than I would have thought possible from the mare. Not wanting any more abuse, I dropped her and backed away. She rounded on me in an instant. “Mr. Idol Hooves! Don’t think for one instant that I’m letting you off the hook for your unsightly greenery!”
I’ll admit I was speechless for a moment. Maybe two. Then I did something by instinct, I suppose, because I certainly didn’t plan it. I threw my forelegs around her and drained some of her negative emotions. “Topaz and I will hire an earth pony to manage it for us.”
She pulled out of my grasp and looked at me hard, studying me as if for the first time. “That will do.” She then spun on her hooves and marched to her front door.
Doctor Positive Attitude tried to interrupt. “Miss! I need to examine you! Your recovery is most remarkable and we must–” The door slamming on its broken hinges was her only reply. The doctor paused for a moment. “Is she normally this…antagonistic?”
Topaz and I merely nodded.
“Ah, I see. Well, then. Oho! Corporal, you smell like, umm, well, a manticore! No offense of course. Ah! So that’s what snapped her out of it! Well, done, lad! Though I must say you should see a doctor about that stench. I mean, besides the one you are seeing right now! Am I right? Am I right?” His happy emotions bloomed again. Apparently, his good spirits were irrepressible.
“All soldiers are ordered to report to the castle immediately!” cried a voice from above. Looking up, I saw a pegasus Royal Guardsman scanning a megaphone across the city. “Leave is hereby canceled until further notice!”
Blast it. I still hadn’t been able to talk to Topaz yet. And now the delay would be even longer. I couldn’t shirk my duty. Not again.
She burst into my thoughts by wrapping me in her hooves and pouring more affection into me. “Take some for the road,” she whispered in my ear, “and return safe to me.” My knees felt weak. Is this what the knight in the puppet show felt when his lady gave him her favor? I don’t think I would have traded it for the world.
“I will, My Lady,” I swore, before turning and galloping off.
Idol Hooves at A Canterlot Wedding
The next three days were exhausting in every way possible. 24-hour shifts. Minimal food. Less rest. The emotional sustenance that Topaz had provided wasn’t nearly enough to make up for my expenditures during the invasion. My energy reserves were running dangerously low. I was forced to take desperate measures.
“You are off-duty now, Corporal. Go back to the barracks until your next shift. It’s the only rest you’re likely to get for the next couple of days.”
“But sir, being around the foals picks me up more than anything. And Miss Chalkboard likes the help.”
A vise-like grip constricted around one of my forelegs. I looked down to see a diminutive thestral mare staring up at me intensely. “Who is Best Princess?” she demanded imperially.
I nodded my head most respectfully. “Why, you are, of course, Your Highness Moon Mist.”
I felt a surge of pleasure run through me, emanating from my trapped leg. Her sharp, toothy smile grew wide. “Hee, hee, hee, hee!” she exclaimed.
“Funny Guard! Funny Guard!” I turned to look at the classroom. It seemed I had been discovered. “No! It’s my turn to be Best Princess!” “Well, I want to be Best Prince!” “Funny Guard! Can you read the story with all the farting noises?”
How offensive! I jerked my head upwards. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Peals of laughter washed over me as the rest of the class poured out into the hallway. Their teacher’s commands to return unheeded and most likely unheard. One by one, they latched onto their favorite play toy. Meanwhile, Moon Mist marched up to Lieutenant Steel Barding and glared at him haughtily.
He glanced up at Miss Chalkboard. She smiled back. “Corporal Hooves has such a special touch with the foals. And no one can settle them down for naptime like he can.”
He wilted. “Oh, alright. Never let it be said I contradicted the order of Princess Moon Mist.”
The foals burst out in cheer and practically carried their trophy back to the classroom.
The next day, I rotated to a new assignment. It was still a few days before the revised wedding date. I had hoped getting assigned to the Throne Room during Day Court would let me rest and maybe recover some strength from the citizens telling their stories to Princess Celestia, Captain Shining Armor, and Princess Cadance. Instead, every pony was overwhelmed by grief caused by injured ponies, destroyed businesses and homes, family fleeing the city, or loved ones rendered insensate by the changelings. Guilt wracked me with each tale, and I found I couldn’t hold myself properly at attention. My head sunk lower and lower, my tears forming a pool on the tile floor in front of me.
Celestia listened to the stories of woe and always had kind words and encouragement for her ponies, offering hope and help to all—her gentle tone buoying the spirits of her subjects. How did she do it? How could she provide sympathy without being overwhelmed by empathy? I could not.
The last petitioner moved to join the others at the sides of the chamber. I knew what I had to do. I left my spear behind and walked to where the last pony had been in the center of the hall. I slowly, regretfully removed my armor and placed it beside me. I bowed my head. Shining Armor looked alarmed, but all three on the dais did not interrupt.
I cleared my throat and chose to end a chapter in my life. "I am responsible for what happened. I do not deserve to wear the armor of the Royal Guard. In the years before today, I could have chosen a hundred different actions to prevent this, but I failed to act. And when Equestria needed me, I abandoned my post."
The citizens around me murmured. I could feel their surprise. Celestia looked down at me placidly. I could not detect any emotion either on her face or being radiated from her. Did she already know? “A number of ponies acted against their orders or left their posts during the invasion. They have been disciplined and are still soldiers of Equestria. What makes your offense so unforgivable?”
I took a deep breath. This was going to be harder than I thought, but there was no going back now. “I recognized Queen Chrysalis the moment she walked down the hallway with Shining Armor. When she ordered me to block entry to Princess Luna’s chambers, I did so until I realized her true intent.” The crowd of ponies along the sides of the Royal Court started to talk louder.
“And how did you recognize her?”
I steeled myself and changed to my natural form. “I was born into her hive.”
The talking grew into shouts and I felt the waves of anger crash over me as the citizens of Canterlot rushed forward.
“HOLD! ” shouted the Royal Canterlot Voice. Then in the firmest voice I had ever heard from her, Celestia commanded, “This pony is a member of the Royal Guard until I or Captain Shining Armor say otherwise! He will not be harmed in my presence.” The anger reduced to a trickle and the ponies all retreated to the sides of the chamber.
Shining Armor was thoughtful for a moment. "What were the first words I spoke to you?"
I considered. "You told me to face the other way because I was not doing so."
The soon-to-be prince nodded and turned to Celestia. "It's him."
"And then you told me to shut up."
Shining Armor turned back. "Thank you, that's–"
"And then you told me to be quiet again. And then we did hoof ups, and then–"
"Enough! You've convinced me that you are the real Idol Hooves!"
I wanted to ask him how I could not be, but the glare from my Captain made me reconsider.
“Guileless?” Celestia asked Shining Armor.
He guffawed. “Idol defines it.”
Celestia turned to face me again. "Why did you abandon your duty, soldier?"
"I...I came to finally understand the meaning of love. And at that moment, I felt I had to protect the pony I now know means more to me than my old hive, my career, my oath to Equestria, my friendships, and even the princesses."
I heard Princess Cadance catch her breath. Her fiancé turned to her slightly, grinned, and rolled his eyes. What this interchange meant, I had no idea. Maybe it was a code only married (or nearly married) couples knew?
Celestia spoke privately and quietly with Shining Armor for some minutes while I waited patiently. She then turned to me. “Normally, I would allow Shining Armor to handle discipline in his ranks, but these are exceptional circumstances. We do not hold you at fault for the invasion. You had every right to privacy about your birth species before then, and after Chrysalis discovered you, neither of us can conceive of a way you could have impeded her actions. If you had opposed her, you would have died a meaningless death. I believe you are sincerely remorseful for leaving your post, but beyond your birthright, how can we trust a Royal Guard who has betrayed his oath? Is there anything else you would like to say in your defense before we pass judgment?"
I racked my brain, trying to think what my true rulers would want to hear, or want to see in me.
"No, Your Highness."
"Very well. Corporal Idol Hooves, for your actions..."
Suddenly, an idea burned to the front of my mind. I raised my head. "Wait! There is something I can show you!"
Celestia paused. I continued, "It is...a gift, but I believe Princess Luna would want to be here also."
Celestia raised an eyebrow. "And why is that?"
I bent my head in supplication. "I don't know the princess very well, but I believe she would be very upset if she were not present, and I can only give this gift once."
Celestia sat for a few moments then turned to a page standing near the throne. "Please awaken Princess Luna and ask her to join us at Day Court as soon as she is able."
"At once, Your Highness!" the small pegasus replied, quickly flying down a nearby corridor.
Everyone waited in silence. And waited. And waited. Well, as long as no one else is talking, I might as well get a question or two answered. “Captain Shining Armor–”
“It will be Prince soon.”
“Captain Prince?”
“I’ll be marrying a princess, so I will take the title of Prince instead of Captain.”
“Oh, I see, sir!” My spirits rose immensely. I would soon call my friend “Prince Shining Armor” from then on! Finally, a pony rule that made sense.
“But you can still call me Shining.”
I deflated.
“Anyway, you had a question?”
I tried to determine how I should address my current Captain, Prince in a few days, and longtime friend for years… and failed. Just the question then. “Would you tell me how you were able to defeat Queen Chrysalis?”
Shining Armor smiled and nuzzled his fiancé. “Together, Cadance and I were able to restore the shield and repel the changelings. The power of Cadance’s love restored my strength.”
Yes, that made sense. “Ah, yes. She has the same effect on me.”
Shining’s smile turned into a look of shock. “Yes, I…wait, what?!” For some reason, Cadance brought a hoof up to hide her mouth.
I felt I had to reassure my captain. “Absolutely! I feel energized every time she touches me. I wouldn’t be surprised if you have a little changeling in your blood, sir.”
Shining’s expression changed to one I hadn’t seen in some time. In fact, the last time was during a sparring session when I had snuck the blunt end of a polearm under Shining’s guard and thrust it into his stomach. Cadance looked briefly at her husband-to-be and turned away. She closed her eyes and her shoulders began shaking lightly. Was she ill?
I was fairly sure Shining didn’t understand the compliment I was giving him. Trying to be helpful, I searched my memory for what mares thought of as the stallion ideal. Ah, yes! Topaz mentioned Tommenjerry dancers years ago, and Honey Dew provided many details about how she felt about their proportions without actually answering my question of what their purpose was. That would do. “Well, it’s not all bad, being a changeling. You can make your size smaller or bigger to make your partner the happiest.”
Shining Armor’s face turned red while Princess Cadence toppled to the floor. Tears were streaming from her closed eyes, her shoulders shook uncontrollably, and she would occasionally smack the floor with a forehoof.
“Ponies don’t change shape like that,” Shining replied.
“SNORT!” came the response from a prone Cadance, with more floor pounding.
I opened my mouth to say more, but Shining Armor's glare stopped me. At this point, his face was as red as his uniform. Had I erred?
Eventually, Cadance seemed to recover from her fit on her own. Shining had always been such a gentlestallion with her, why hadn’t he helped her up right away? Was this one of those “marriage things”?
She rose beside her fiancé once more, apparently still a bit shaky. After taking a few deep breaths, she smirked and whispered something into Shining’s ear while surreptitiously stroking one of his hind legs with hers. Just as surreptitiously, Shining swatted her rump with his tail. This resulted in her closing her eyes again with more shaking from her shoulders.
“Great news, Your Highness!” All eyes moved to the earth pony entering the Royal Court from the back.
“And that would be?” prompted Celestia.
“Doctor Positive Attitude at your service! There aren’t many maladies that a chipper outlook won’t clear up, but I must say, this latest one took a bit more effort.” He came to a stop next to me, either not noticing my appearance or too wrapped up in his enthusiasm to care. “The emotion sapping malady has been cured!”
A gasp came from the crowd. Celestia smiled. “How was this made possible, doctor?”
“Ah! Well, it turns out that the patient just needs a good jolt to get out of their doldrums. It took a while, but I was able to convince the duo Sigfriesan and Roan to bring their tame manticore up from Las Pegasus! Then we set up a demonstration for the beast to watch a big earth pony pretend to scare some show ponies from the theater district. The show ponies would then run off and the stallion would get the manticore’s favorite treat. Candied yams! Can you believe it?”
There was no response from those assembled. The doctor cleared his throat and continued. “Well, in any case, the manticore got anxious. I suppose it thought there weren’t going to be any snacks left for him! Before we knew it, he picked up that earth pony like a toy and roared in his face. Well, I don’t know if the earth pony was acting, but he made pegasus-time getting out of there! Actually, we still haven’t found him, so maybe not...Ahem...Anyway, everypony clapped, gave the manticore his treat, and we started with the real patients. After that, it’s just a matter of catching up to the frightened ponies, calming them down, and keeping them under observation for a while. So far, about half of the afflicted ponies have been cured, with an almost 100% success rate!”
“Almost?” enquired Celestia.
“Ah, yes...Umm...Heh. Well, it turns out one of the ponies we identified was not emotionally drained after all—just very old and slow, hard of hearing, and nearly blind. When the manticore picked her up and roared at her, she became very energetic indeed and gave him a lashing with her cane that was quite a surprise to everyone! A-heh.” He shuffled his hooves a bit, looking down. “Anyway, Sigfriesan tells me the manticore got his feelings hurt and recommended that he sleep it off. He should be right as rain in the morning and we should be able to finish all remaining treatments by tomorrow sundown.”
Celestia smiled broadly. “Excellent work, Doctor. You are to be commended for finding the cure.”
“Oh, it wasn’t me, Your Highness. A Royal Guardsman named Idol Hooves gave me the idea.”
“Is that so? You might be surprised that Corporal Hooves is standing right next to you.”
“Really?” He turned to look at me. “Aha! So that explains it! Capital idea, Mr. Hooves. Well done!” He grasped one hoof and shook it furiously. “Oh, and don’t worry about seeing a doctor about your stench. After all, you’ve seen one twice already? Am I right? Eh? Eh?”
The hoof shaking was accompanied by more shoulder pounding. Of course on my sore shoulder. I felt I needed to respond, if just to get him to stop. “Quite so.”
“Ah, yes. Ehem. I think I missed my calling as a comedian at times.”
I decided to be helpful, despite the risks so recently demonstrated. “You could try ‘Open Mic Night’ at The Laughing Pony . Every Saturday evening after dusk, anypony can take their chances for a free drink.”
“Oho, can they! Brilliant, my lad! I just might do that! Can’t have too many cutie marks, can you? That was a joke by the way. See? You’ve really got me started now!”
Celestia interrupted. “Please let us know your progress towards rehabilitating the remaining ponies, doctor.”
The pony looked back up at the throne. “Ah, of course, Your Highness! You’ll be the first to know! Unless it’s time for Night Court then your sister will be the first to know!” The doctor looked at me and sighed. “Well, off then.” He then turned and walked out of the Throne Room just as abruptly as he had entered.
A few moments later, Princess Luna glided in from the corridor the page had taken. She landed at speed and gracefully slid across the marble, rotating slightly as she went. Her slide stopped in the exact position she normally held, just to the left of her sister's throne.
"Thou rang, my sister?" Luna couldn't hide a smirk.
Celestia rolled her eyes and smiled. She then nodded at me. "Corporal Idol Hooves has a gift for us."
“Indeed?” Luna looked forward, noticing me for the first time. She blinked twice then studied me for a few moments. "Proceed," she ordered.
I exhaled in preparation, closing my eyes, remembering the image from the poorly-built temple so long ago. I mentally ran through the steps used to assume the form of the flame-haired alicorn. I felt my body grow. My chitin turned to hair which turned white. As before, my mane turned from red to orange and then to flame. When I opened my eyes, I was deeply pleased with the heart of the kingdom that I saw. All the little ponies around me gasped in awe. Even the two rulers were shocked speechless. No matter. It was for me to speak.
I reared, flaring my wings slightly to emphasize my grand appearance. I bellowed in Old Equish, “Avetote, O Equulae Magnae! Fundito caelum tibi laudes, Regina Diei, atque praestato tu gloria tua semper, Noctis Imperatrix!”
Switching to the common tongue, I proclaimed "Praise to the Grand Rulers of all under the Equestrian Sky!"
Throwing back my head, I spread my wings to their fullest. I called out in the Royal Canterlot Voice, shaking the rafters with a male alicorn's roar for what I knew was the first time.
"HAIL!"
Every non-alicorn present instinctively yelled at the top of their lungs "HAIL!"
Lowering my head, I smiled endearingly at my equals. Despite their numerous differences, I knew they had never more appeared to be sisters. Both wore the same wide-eyed stare, had the same gaping mouth—they both even craned their necks forward at the same angle.
My flaming mane flickered then sputtered out. I felt myself shrink to my normal size, then I staggered. I fought to keep my balance, but darkness claimed me before I hit the floor.
Author's Note
Many thanks to vdrake77 for inspiring this story. Idol is such a delightful character to write! Plus the added bonus of an INTERESTING Princess Cadance. I mean seriously, she is portrayed in the show as "Hi, I'm Princess Goody-Four-Hooves Milqutoast! What can I do to further reinforce my portrayal as a good person with a good heart with no personality what-so-ever?" Vdrake77 made her into a self-confident, enthusiastic mare. Bravo!
See more of backlash91 's art on his deviantart site.
Thank you, everyone, for your comments. Yes, I may write a follow-up story at some point in the future, but I'll be working on some original story ideas first. So the story is marked Complete for now.
With help from our Latin scholar Azrael Chiaroscuro, I changed the Latin text near the end of the story to: "Avetote, O Equulae Magnae! Fundito caelum tibi laudes, Regina Diei, atque praestato tu gloria tua semper, Noctis Imperatrix!". His words follow: This translates to "Hail, O Great Ponies! May the heavens shower you with praises, Queen of the Day, and (may you always excel in your glory)/(may you always exceed your glory), Empress of the Night" and it also sounds really old, even by Latin standards, as it uses the command forms from ancient legal texts. Luna's praise is also can be interpreted in two ways, that's why the translation says two different things for hers.
Some notes. I had to keep the Idol and Topaz relationship static over the intervening time period and ignore any hints about the true purpose of the stones given to Idol by Queen Chrysalis. Also, while I tried to stay in the Vdrake77's first-person narrative style as much as possible, I had to shift perspectives occasionally and cheated once to deliver a punchline.
