Fallout: Equestria - Winding Rivers

“Books! I read several on the subject.”

“Hello, students,” I strode into the classroom and looked over the new first years. Most looked nervous. No doubt, the older fillies and colts had told them stories of the first day of school. Sure, it made my job more difficult, but foals will be foals. Many of the stories were amusing, anyway. My favorite thus far was “the teacher will put you to sleep and steal your soul.”

Memory Lane: Soul Stealer. Had a nice ring to it.

“Welcome to your first day of school. I know you're all excited. You're all scared,” I suppressed a laugh as a few of the colts sat up straighter, trying to hide any fear, “but my job in this Stable is to teach and protect you. I've taught many of your brothers and sisters, even some of your parents. Most of them have turned out alright.” Those who didn't, weren't my fault. Mostly.

I moved to the large desk at the front of the room and rested my hoof on the machine sitting atop, “this, for those who don't know, is a Memory Recollector. It allows every one of you to watch a memory orb, even if you are an earth pony, like me. We will all be in the memory together, with me monitoring everything. If any of you have worries, I would just like to remind you,” I turned my flank to them and showed off my cutiemark – a milky white ball with a pale yellow starburst, “this is my special talent.”

By now, most of the students had calmed a little, “now, please put on the hats at each of your desks, and we will begin the introductory lesson.”

Little hooves picked up little metal hats and put them on little heads as the nervous looks reappeared. I walked around the room, making sure each foal had it strapped properly and all the wires leading back to the main machine were in working order. Without another word, I stood behind my desk and rested an orb labeled “TS Orient 1” into its little cradle on the machine. I set my own recollector on my head and closed my eyes. With a soft, magical hum, the other ponies in the room relaxed in their chairs, being drawn into the memory. I followed a moment later.

oooOOOooo

Darkness.

It was the students’ first time in a memory, so the memory introduced one sensation at a time. On my version, my Eyes Forward Sparkle showed the vitals of my students. I noted increased heart rates, but nothing unusual. I made mental and digital notes of each foal’s reactions as the memory progressed.

We were in a young earth pony filly sitting in a desk. A little strange, to the colts and unicorns, but better than alternatives. Fillies tended to react adversely to being in a colt.

The host’s hooves moved one at a time, slowly, getting the viewers used to the sensation of movement beyond their control. For a few more minutes, the memory consisted of this literal orientation.

“Hello, students,” a mare's soft voice quietly met the ears of the filly, “my name is Twilight Sparkle. Welcome to the Stable-Tech Education Program. You are currently viewing the memories of a filly your age, in order for consistent, accurate education through the ages. No matter the time or place, you will get proper education from experts to further all of ponykind and preserve our ways of life.”

The filly's eyes opened slowly, revealing a purple unicorn standing a few feet away in a plain, white room. The lighting was soft, pleasant on the eyes. Twilight smiled as she continued her speech, “I know being in a memory orb is often disorienting. I have done my fair share. Don’t worry about any reactions you may have, all are normal, and nothing can harm you while in a memory,” as she spoke, the host began walking around the room. She sped to a trot and then a gallop in a few laps around the room. I noted which students had physical reactions to this (surprisingly few, this year) and tagged them. Can’t have a young one walking around for real when in a memory.

“You have now become familiar with memory orbs. I hope the STEP program will serve you well, even in the event of an apocalypse. I look forward to teaching you in the next lesson.”

oooOOOooo

We all awoke and I looked out at the class. Most were calm, a few breathed heavily. Some of the unicorns and colts felt around to their returned parts and I smirked, “very good, everyone. That's all for today.

“I understand some of you had adverse reactions to the recollector. This is normal, and nothing to be ashamed of. You all did really well for your first time,” I noted the lack of any wet chairs. Thank Celestia, “you may go back to your quarters and recover from the experience. We will begin proper lessons with “Equestria History: The Founding of Equestria” with Miss Sparkle, tomorrow.”

Windigo. Fascinating creatures. I couldn't help but think how much they must have loved the war as I hung the life-sized cartoon figures from the walls for the next day's lesson. The students had left, and I had a few hours before I had to get to the next room for my second year class. I liked to decorate for lessons. It was relaxing, and a good distraction from the mundane of academia.

“How'd the first years do, Mem?” Straw Bale appeared in the doorway, “any wet themselves?”

I chuckled, “not this year, Straw. Thank Celestia.”

“Damn. I owe Gutter a round of drinks,” he grinned and watched me stretch on my hind legs to hang a plastic icicle from the ceiling with my mouth, “need any help?” he indicated his horn.

“Nah, this is the closest I get to exercise, and it's relaxing. Kind of like that 'yoga' stuff they did before the war.”

“Uh huh,” he nickered, “well, don't 'yoga' too hard. Wouldn't want you to pull something. I'm going to go check the kitchen and try out Bell Pepper's latest creation. See you at the canteen for drinks, tonight?”

“Sure, sure. Did I hear first rounds on you?”

“Only for Gutter Ball. Though, you might need one, so we'll see.”

A nod and he was gone, leaving me to hang decorations.

Windigo. Fed on disharmony and conflict. There was plenty of that a few centuries ago. Why weren't there any in the more recent history orbs? Twilight never mentioned them. Applejack never told how to fight them. Where had they gone in those thousand years? What of Discord? He would have loved the strife, as well. The Changeling Empire? Well, okay, that was understandable, they fed on love. Not much of that in war. I knew every story by heart, but it never quite added up. As if somepony had written recent history before ancient history.

I sighed and shrugged, looking over my work. I could chase this train of thought every day, but it never led anywhere useful. I had my orbs. I had my job. This Stable was built on education and preservation. If doubts crept in, Stable 42 would suffer. My speculation had to stay speculation. Right now, I had another class to prepare for.

The second years were more relaxed about the recollector, but far more rambunctious, in general. Five minutes into class, I had finally gotten them mostly herded into their seats.

“Welcome back, everypony. I hope you all had a good break from classes and are ready to jump right in. This year, we are starting with Wartime History and the Ministries. I have a very special treat for you, today, with Princess Celestia, herself, giving the first lesson,” I smiled as every eye widened. The Princesses had done a few of the orbs in the archive. I had no idea how they ever got time to do them, around their duties, but I had my theories. Mostly, they involved time travel.

No sooner had I uttered, “please put on your recollectors,” every student had eagerly done so. I smiled warmly and took my seat. “PC WT Hist” was placed into the unit, and we delved into the year’s lesson introduction.

oooOOOooo

Oh, how I always loved this part. The magnificence of the Princess, standing in the throne room of Canterlot Palace. Her colorful mane and tail billowing in a non-existent breeze. The soft, regal music playing in the background. The childrens’ heart monitors beeping in excitement. I wish I could get back the feeling of first seeing Celestia. I settled on vicariously enjoying my students’ reactions, every year.

“Good morning, my little ponies. Welcome to your first lesson on the Great War and the Ministries.

“Years ago, Equestria entered a great industrial expansion. This led to a need for fuel. Luckily for us, the zebras had plenty of coal, once our supplies depleted. We entered a trade agreement for gemstones. I gloss over this, as I know you have learned it in Pre-War Industrial History. If you were paying attention,” the Princess gave the most wonderful look I have ever seen. A perfect blend of compassion, expectation, and trust. I always felt sorry this lesson wasn’t sooner. Students always did better for a few weeks, after seeing that sunny, heartwarming smile.

“You also know of the conflict that arose about trade prices. This led to an increase in piracy in the zebra nations. It is still heavily debated how closely tied these pirates were to the Caesar, but, personally, I believe there was little relation.

“Regardless, a band of pirates kidnapped seventeen of our citizens, and the Wonderbolts flew to their rescue, at my command. Unfortunately, while all of those captured survived, four of the Wonderbolts did not,” Celestia paused, composing herself, before continuing, “furthermore, the mission ended up in zebra territory. Not only did this trespass increase tensions, despite my apologies, but increased Equestria’s suspicion of the Caesar’s involvement.

“After much debate amongst myself, my sister, and the nobles of Equestria, war was declared on the Zebra Empire. This decision was further reinforced after an infiltrator attacked Luna’s Academy in Littlehorn Valley,” another pause. This one longer. A few tears fell from Celestia’s face, and her voice shook almost imperceptibly when she spoke again, “it was then, I abdicated the throne. With the help of Director Goldenblood, my sister formed the Ministries with my student and her friends.

“The Ministry of Morale, headed by Pinkie Pie.

“The Ministry of Wartime Technology, with Applejack.

“Rarity’s Ministry of Image.

“Fluttershy’s Ministry of Peace.

“The Rainbow Dash Ministry of Awesome,” she rolled her eyes.

“And, of course, the Ministry of Arcane Science, or Ministry of Magic, led by my faithful student, Twilight Sparkle.

"Finally, there was the Office of Inter-Ministry Affairs, with Director Goldenblood managing relations between the six Ministries.

“Over the next few weeks, you will view memories of these events and others, to learn about and from them. Some stories will be from well-known ponies, others from those who have small parts in our story, and still others who few know exist, yet have played a large role. There will be some hard moments. Death. Suffering. Heartache. These are all parts of war.

“Please know, my little ponies, I am truly sorry. I never wanted any of this. We cannot change the past, however, we can only learn from it. Take these lessons to heart, so you never repeat the mistakes of your ancestors.

“And know I will do my best to always be here, keeping you all safe and sound.”

oooOOOooo

Four classes later and I slouched in a beanbag chair in the atrium, sipping a stiff drink and venting to Gutter and Straw, “I can't believe that filly. Tried to make a pass on me for good grades this year! First day, and she's already trying to bribe me. Usually we have at least one test before the bribes start.”

Gutter laughed, “not surprising, knowing her mother. Sunburst would lift her tail for any stallion who looks her way.”

“Pretty sure Sungleam has taken the innocence of every colt in her class,” I muttered, “Luna only knows who her filly's father would have been,” I smirked at the shock on their faces, “what, you didn't hear? She got pregnant over the break. Not sure there was a colt in this Stable who wasn't nervous. Only fifth year, and already pregnant. She didn't keep it, of course,” I shrugged, “I'll tell you one thing, starting the year with the 'sex education' orb is going to be fun,” that was one memory I would never forget. Judging by the looks on my friends faces, neither would they.

Straw gave me a grin, “at least those orbs shut down every bodily function, huh?

I rolled my eyes, “oh, Tartarus, yes. I would not want to clean that up,” I finished my drink and got up to get another, swaying a little, “though, it would be amusing, otherwise. You should see their faces when they come out of that little gem,” half way to the bar, I turned back, “oh, oh. Wait, hold that thought,” I got my drink and returned, “anyhoo, one year, I forgot to switch the orbs in time, from female to male. No smooth transition between memories. They all woke up. It was like pulling teeth to get them back in for the second half. The colts were traumatized from the filly orb, and the fillies were scared to get the colts' perspective. I almost had to get Anna in to use a sleep spell!”

My drinking buddies laughed and a calm silence fell a moment as we just drank.

“How's life in the kitchen?” Gutter asked after a moment.

Straw shrugged, “same ol’ same ol’. Bell made a new dish for tonight. She called it a 'chimicherry.' I suggested cherrychanga.”

I rubbed my chin, “chimicherry, cherrychanga, chimicherry, cherrychanga. What about chimicherrychanga?”

“That's a mouthful,” Gutter said, “call it what you want. I just want it to taste good. Last week's… what did you call it? The chupaqueso?” he shuddered, “it was just so. Cheesy.”

Straw sighed, “okay, so fried cheese wrapped in fried cheese may not have been the best idea.”

“Definitely,” I added, “I’m sure the maintenance crew wasn’t too happy about the toilet situation, either.”

“You try keeping the meals interesting three times a day. Your lessons come prepackaged, Memory, and each of us only sees them once,” (I added a “usually.”) “and Gutter, it's not like you have to constantly figure out new games to play.”

That made Gutter put his hoof to his chin in thought, and I shot a glance to Straw, “oh, no, Gutter Ball. Do not go down that road. Remember last time? When Rugby thought it would be a good idea to play baseball in here? I think every window and light in the atrium had to be replaced.”

He grinned, “what about archery, or competitive shooting?”

I facehoofed, “broken windows would be the least of our problems. Besides, we have no guns or even bows in here.”

He continued his thoughts, occasionally throwing out a new idea. We laughed and bantered until we were too drunk to talk. I stumbled my way to my quarters and flopped into bed. I'd be hung over in the morning, but it was nothing a Fixer and a shower wouldn't cure. Besides, running the recollector wasn't exactly brain surgery.

Oh. Right. Brain Surgery 101. That class was today for the seventh years. Well, okay, not technically Brain Surgery 101. Concepts of Neurolinguistics 101. Same basic idea. Brain Surgery was saved for the higher grades.

I staggered into the classroom after all my students. Bad start to the year, especially for teenagers. I heard the murmuring. I didn’t care.

“Uh. Hello, everypony. Welcome to another wonderful year of classes. I hope you all had a good break and are ready to get started on newro… neero…” I sighed and rubbed my temple, “yeah, sorry. Brain speech science.” Very bad start.

I sat at my desk and put the orb in the machine after triple checking the label, “This will be the first step in any learning involving memory magic, interactive AI, and brain surgery,” there we go. Half the class went wide-eyed. The tables were turned, “that’s right. You will learn brain surgery. Not today, not tomorrow, but you will learn it. You might even get a cutie mark in it. For now, however, we are simply learning about speech in the brain. As usual, put on your recollectors for the first lesson.”

Ouch. Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch. Going into a memory hung over is easy. It all fades away. Coming back, however, is the worst experience ever. The pain came back with a vengeance. Why did I never learn?

I took an aspirin and groaned, “well. Lesson over. On to your next classes. I’ve got ten minutes before my next one,” I need a nap. Maybe some Med-X. Yeah, that would work. I stumbled out of the room after my students. Put away the orb, get some painkillers, get to my next class. In ten minutes. Hungover. Why. Didn’t. I. Learn?

“Memory?” my pipbuck crackled, “Hey, Mem? You there?”

What now? I dropped my head and literally hit a button, “what? I’ve got the mother of all headaches and five minutes to get my next class ready.”

The Overmare’s voice was clear and recognizable now, “sorry, old man, but class is canceled, today. We’ve got something you need to see.”

Footnote: N/A