You're all cunts!

by Eppie Genetic

Rating: mature
Tags: Spike, Comedy, Random, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Starlight Glimmer
Length: 1036

Fluttershy tells it like it is.

It's always the quiet ones who hold the strongest opinions.

Rated Mature for language. I blame PhucknuckL for the idea. He's a cunt, but he made the cover art, so I guess that makes up for it.

Now with reading!

Edited by the stellar Flammenwerfer and my mate PhucknuckL

Published 2016-11-01 22:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-11-01 22:20:01 UTC

No really, you are.

“Um, what?”

“You’re all cunts,” Fluttershy repeated, looking Twilight dead in the eyes. The group sat around the map table, having rushed over for an emergency meeting called for by Fluttershy. A pregnant silence filled the room and gazes shifted back and forth, with only Fluttershy keeping eye contact on Twilight alone.

“Is she serious?” Rainbow Dash skeptically asked the group, one eyebrow cocked.

Slowly, Fluttershy turned to look at her. “I’m completely serious, Dashie. In fact, you are the second cuntiest cunt of the group. Rarity is at the top, then it’s you, Twilight, Applejack, and Pinkie, respectively.”

“I’m sorry dear, but how am I the ‘cuntiest cunt’ of the group, as you so delicately put it?” Rarity shifted in her seat and shot Fluttershy a look that only a mare with a lemon up their ass could.

“Oh come on Rarity,” the pegasus deadpanned. “You’re supposed to be the element of generosity, but you boss around Spike and manipulate him by acting like you are interested. Using somepony’s feelings to get what you want makes you the biggest cunt there is.”

Add a lime and some salt along the rim, and you have the look on Rarity’s face.

Turning back to Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy continued. “Dash, you’re a cunt for thinking that you’re so cool all the time. Are you a filly? Are we in high school?” She waited a moment for someone to answer and had no takers. “No one cares how cool you are, Dashie. Really. We don’t give a shit. We’re mares, not fillies, so drop it and start acting like an adult.”

Eyes narrowed and bordering on implosion, Dash crossed her hooves across her chest and rested herself deeply into her chair. Without pause, Fluttershy continued as she turned back to Twilight. “Twilight, you’re a nice mare and I am glad that you are a leader of our nation.” Twilight beamed at her friend. “But you’re still a cunt.”

“What?! What did I do?”

With an eye roll, Fluttershy explained. “Do you know how many monster attacks happened here before you showed up?” Twilight cringed. “That’s what makes you a cunt, besides the fact that you are a know-it-all who’s got a fetish for bearded wizards. We know what you did with Sunburst before we left.” Twilight paled, but Starlight looked around the room, horror evident on her face. Her gaze fell on Twilight, tears welling up in her eyes.

“Twi-Twilight… What’s she talking about?” she asked, her voice shaking.

Looking down, Twilight’s mouth opened and closed a few times, but words escaped her.

“And on Starlight’s bed, no less!” Fluttershy chided. With a wail, Starlight ran from the room and slammed the door behind her.

“It was just one book! It was only 400 pages!” Twilight exclaimed.

“It still makes you a cunt.”

Twilight deflated, knowing Fluttershy was right, her ears splaying back against her head.

“Appleja--”

“DOMENEXTDOMENEXT!” Pinkie interupted, standing on the table and looking eagerly at Fluttershy. “I’m less of a cunt than anyone else! I can’t wait to know!”

Sighing, Fluttershy simply said, “Right there.” She motioned with a hoof at the grinning mare. “You’re a cunt because you interrupt ponies and are energetic at inappropriate times.”

Pinkie blinked. “That. Is. AWESOME! I’m going to keep being a cunt and share my cuntiness with the world!” she shouted. With a bang, her party cannon exploded and showered the room with confetti. Doing a backflip with a final woo-hoo, she gently floated back into her seat, positively beaming with pride.

Fluttershy rolled her eyes again and turned to Applejack. AJ stared back at here with a level stare, waiting patiently.

“Ahm ready. How is it that I’m a cunt?”

“You…” She pointed an accusatory hoof at AJ. “You gave me Angel.”

All eyes shifted to AJ, their own grievances forgotten.

“YOU DID WHAT!?” yelled the group collectively. AJ at least had the good grace to look down, but her expression remained the same.

“Eeyup. Found the little guy partially crushed under a pumpkin. Couldn’t just leave the poor fella just layin’ there in the mud an’ rain. He was at the bottom of a hill and would of drowned from the run off!”

Silence gripped the room. Everypony looked at one another, and it was eventually Rainbow Dash who broke the pregnant pause.

“Uh, so? That rabbit is pure evil!” she yelled, throwing her hooves in the air to accentuate her point.

“Well, not exactly Rainbow,” chimed in Twilight. “No one is inherently good or evil, it’s all about how you are raised. In fact there is quite a bit of literature on the topic, even dating back to Changing Finch. There is one book in particular that good into EXCRUCIATING detail about the concepts and challenges of…”

“WE GET IT! YOU LIKE BOOKS!” shouted Pinkie, cutting Twilight off mid sentence.

“Thanks cunt,” Fluttershy muttered under her breath.

“What?”

“I said you were a cunt.”

“Yay! I win the nickname cunt!”

Fluttershy simply rolled her eyes. “Anyway, you’re all cunts. It wasn’t easy for me to say all these things, but I hope you can all learn to stop being cunts, and just be bitches instead.”

It was Rainbow’s turn to roll her eyes. “Whatever Cuntershy,” she jabbed, taking flight and zooming out of the nearest open window. The rest of the group stood up one by one with looks of ‘what-the-fuck-just-happened?’ as they slowly sauntered out.

“Spike,” Fluttershy called sweetly. Being the last in line, he paused at the doorway and turned to look at her. Once the sound of hoof falls faded to a quiet echo, she spoke again, smiling. “I hope you know…” She got up from her seat and walked towards him. She leaned down to his ear, whispering, “you’re a cunt too.”

When she pulled back, Spike was simply smirking at her. “You know,” he said. “You weren’t being entirely truthful back there. As your friend, I know you better than that. The biggest cunt is you. I mean, come on. Look what you just did!” He stuck his tongue out a little.

She giggled softly, pulling him into another hug. “You’re right. I am, aren’t I?”