Extra Cheesy

by Damaged

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Lyra, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Changelings, Comedy, Slice of Life
Length: 2238

Twilight finds out about a new store in town, one that sells oddly delicious looking round, disc-like food. She must try some!

Twilight discovers an insidious new plot by a new shop in town, they sell things she finds out are named "peesa" and the combinations are unbelievable. Always, however, they seem to be based around cheese and tomato, two of the Princess of Friendship's favorite foods!

Contains: Fun, silliness, changelings... fairly standard fare for me!

EDIT: So, this universe is completely identical to the normal canon universe, except Twilight Sparkle freakin' loves cheese. (in other news, I now know what a quesadilla is)

See This Blog for licensing.

Published 2016-09-22 21:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-09-22 21:20:01 UTC

The Cheesening

Twilight had watched as tradesponies built the new store on the edge of town. It hadn't taken too long to build, and from what the alicorn had seen it had some really high-tech equipment installed. When the flashing, magic-driven light was erected over the door, clearly showing some kind of circular food thing, she was completely intrigued. But of course she didn't go in.

A full week had gone by, Twilight's nose had become stained black with ink from many culinary books. At last, though, she had found out what the food was called. "Peesa?" She blinked, looking at the name. "Huh, some kind of bread dough, tomato… that much cheese?" She was drooling as she read. "And anything on top? What do they mean, 'anything'?" She reached for the next book, hoping it would contain the answers she required.

"You in here Twilight?" Spike's voice dragged Twilight away from her study.

"Yes Spike, I was just doing some research." She set the last book down and was reaching for the next. "It is quite intriguing, and I think I have discovered just what this… this… What is that smell?"

Spike waddled into the castle library. "Oh, just grabbed some pizza, you want a slice?" The little dragon held out a big, flat box.

"Pizza?" Twilight blinked at the box. It looked standard enough, made from cardboard and looking like it hinged at the back. "What is it?"

"Oh, the new place makes them, you gotta try some." Spike flipped the box open, revealing a disc of dough, covered in cheese, tomato, bell pepper, eggplant… and rubies. "You could probably push those off…" He reached in with a claw, trying to shove gemstones out of the way.

"That's a peesa!" Twilight exclaimed, pointing a hoof excitedly. "How do they make them?"

"They said it was a 'pizza'." Spike gave up trying to liberate a slice of little gemstones. "You should go and get one, they said the first one for each pony is free."

"Free? How are they making bits doing that?" Twilight had somewhat forgotten her study of the food itself, now wondering how the mathematics of their business model functioned.

"Uh, the first one is free. This is… my fifth?" Spike picked up a slice and crunched down on the ruby-encrusted pizza. "Anf ifths gwath!"

Her immediate source of information now too distracted, and likely exhausted, Twilight resolved to seek knowledge it its source. "I am going to go and get a pizza!" She beamed in delight and trotted out of the library, the books she had been working on already being organized by her trusty assistant. She really hoped there wouldn't be any tomato stains on them when she got back.

It felt good to get out of the castle, to just trot in the cool evening air. The town was still "awake", some shops were still open—the bowling alley of course, but the little cinema that had popped up was now showing films long into the night; Twilight had gone to one once, something called "Her Aching Flank"… it hadn't been the sort of movie a young mare should watch, in Twilight's opinion.

Passing Sugarcube Corner's dark windows, Twilight saw the new shop. There was no name on it, just that logo. "Pizza, huh? I guess I should do my duty as a princess and try it." Of course it was her duty, it surely wasn't because tomato and cheese were two of her favorite foods. The thought of the two combined in one food had her drooling more.

"Welcome to Cheesy Changeling Pizzas, is it time for a change?" Bored was living up to his namesake. He wasn't the smartest, or most clever. He wasn't the strongest or most agile. He was, in fact, at the lower-middle ranking on all of those charts. When it had been time, in the hive, to volunteer for duty in the Ponyville store, he had slept in and been volunteered. He noticed the purple alicorn just a moment before the purple wall of magic flew up between them.

"You're a changeling!" Twilight had summoned a wall and was charging more magic. "You may have tricked Spike, but I can see through your disguise!" She was readying a bolt of pure force.

"Whoa, just chill, you don't have to get all speciesist on me." Bored didn't back away from the counter, he wasn't quite that clever. "I just take your order and your bits, other 'lings cook it and you can take it and go."

"There are more changelings here? Why aren't you all disguised?" Twilight had stopped charging her magic, confusion reigning in her "fight or flight" urges.

Bored smiled, showing his fangs off to good effect. "Easier to clean chitin, and it isn't like anypony comes in, blasting away with their magic." Bored stood motionless a moment. "This is your first time here?" Twilight nodded dumbly. "Well, your first pizza is free then, anything from our 'bug-get' menu." Bored delivered the line with a practiced, droll anti-flair.

The shield dropped and Twilight looked around for a menu. Spotting the little fold-out pages to the side, Twilight levitated one closer. "This one looks good. What is this?" Twilight pointed at the ingredients list. "Is it… is it meat?" Twilight's shock was the only thing keeping her from going nova.

"That? No, it's not meat. It is 'pepperoni', no meat in that at all." Bored pointed. "You could try this one." He poked another pizza on the menu with his hoof. "Tomato base, pineapple, dandelions, bell peppers, and extra cheese…"

"THAT ONE!" The mention of cheese was all that Twilight needed, she suddenly didn't care if it was changelings making it, she had to try one of these "pizza" things.

"And with all pizzas today you get a free garlic bread." Bored poked his hoof at the register, the order being magically sent to the 'lings by the oven in the back room.

Twilight looked around. "So I just wait, will it take long?" The drone shrugged and stared forward blankly. Twilight realized she had exhausted the conversational opportunities that the changeling offered and turned, finding a row of chairs set up. "Lyra?"

"Hi Twilight!" Lyra beamed at her friend. "How neat is this place, they cook the food really quick." The mare was sitting a little oddly, more upright than most. Twilight knew her school-friend well enough to just accept it as a "Lyra-ism".

"This is my first time here." Twilight thought of something. "They said I would get a free garlic bread, what is that?"

"Garlic bread?" Lyra giggled. "Something that makes ponies not able to be kissed, except by a changeling." The mare noticed that Bored, standing behind the counter, cracked a half smile at the joke. "But really, just a bread roll with a lot of garlic-infused butter."

"Oh…" Twilight blinked. The place had, apparently, become the favorite of a not a few members of Ponyville.

"Pizzas for Liar?" Bored sounded true to his name.

"Lyra, how do you mess that up?" Lyra leaned forward and fell to all fours. She walked to the counter and picked up her food with her magic. "We should hang out together more, Twi, like in school."

"Tonight?" Twilight actually liked the idea of it, of being with friends a little more.

Pondering the matter, Lyra figured there wasn't a problem with it. "Sure… Bored, can you keep these warm for me until Twi's pizza is ready?" She passed the two boxes back to the drone.

"I guess. Burna," the changeling's yell made both Twilight and Lyra jump a little, "can you keep these warm?!"

Another drone poked their head out from behind a huge machine. "Uh…" Burna froze, "By the Queen, it's her!" As quick as he had appeared, he was gone again.

"Burna," Bored carried the two pizzas balanced on one hoof, "just chill, 'ling, hers is the other order." He set the pizzas down on the top of the big oven.

Lyra had, meanwhile, plopped back down beside Twilight. "So, your first pizza? You should try the extra hot Tartarus-strength inferno, one." The unicorn adjusted her position until she was seated upright again. "One of those with a dark cider really sets off the nerves."

"Dark cider? That the stuff that Applejack started brewing up?" Twilight was even more lost in this new culinary world she hadn't known existed before. Then something occurred to her. "Uh, Bored? Why are you running a pizza shop?"

"Pfft, like they would let me run the place. I just work the counter." The way the changeling was leaning, it was an even-odds bet whether the counter was holding him up, or vice versa. "Kinda sucks a bit—ponies love their pizza, they might even love the cook who makes it—"

"They do!" Burna's voice sang out from out of view.

"See? But for one second don't think that they love the 'ling actually selling the food." Bored seemed to slump more.

"So who owns the shop?" Twilight tried desperately to steer the conversation back to getting information she actually wanted. Not that finding out changeling feeding habits wasn't interesting.

"Queen Chrysalis owns all our shops." Bored gave a deep sigh. "Every single one."

"She owns all of them? But she must be raking in the bits!" Twilight's sense of danger was back online. Something was being planned. "What is she up to?"

"Well, you might need to ask her. I am like, the lowest rung on the ladder here, and before you get to the next rung you need to fly up a looooooonnnnnngggggg way." Though that meant his situation was a little static, career wise, Bored didn't overly care.

Twilight stood tall, flaring her wings. "I will get to the bottom of-"

"Pizza's ready!" From the back, Burna appeared, carrying three pizzas and a small pile of garlic bread. "Oh heck, she is going to blast us!" Pizza boxes and tubes of breath-poisoning bread rolls flew into the air.

Like a crack infiltrator, his senses honed to the precision and speed of the average kitten, Bored tried to dive and catch the food. He knew his skill, however, and luck. Bored fully expected to be wearing three pizzas and have garlic bread in places where garlic bread had no right to be. But he didn't. Risking looking up at the food-turned-culinary-depth-charges, he saw purple magic wrapped around them. "Uh…"

"Got it!" Twilight beamed, her magic having even gotten the pizzas before they flipped upside down. "You should be more careful, uh, Burna?"

Burna lifted his head, peeking out from behind a sink. "Sorry!" His head was gone again, not willing to risk potentially being a target of ire.

"It's okay, you two don't seem very threatening." Twilight was left trying to make excuses for her earlier aggression. "I was just really surprised to see changelings in Ponyville." Stacking the neat boxes on the counter, Twilight lifted her hoof up, offering it to Bored. "I hope we can be friends?"

It looked dangerous, but Bored had never really gotten why everyling was so terrified of Princess Twilight Sparkle. He reached his hoof up and bumped his hole-filled limb against hers—and fell over.

"What did you do to him?" Burna raced over to Bored, shaking the changeling on the floor. "Speak to me, Bored, what did the evil princess do?" He leaned down, pressing his ear to the other 'ling's barrel. "He isn't breathing!"

"She tastes nice…" Bored wore a smile for the first time in years, well, since his birth. He looked past Burna at Twilight, waving one hoof in a wobbly fashion. "Hiiiiiii…" He trailed off, giggling.

"You should be more careful!" Burna stood up, seeing his friend… Friend might be hasty, but he is a fellow 'ling, drugged up on happiness. "If you had given him too much he…" Burna cut short, Bored had launched himself over the counter and was hugging Princess Twilight Sparkle. Burna ducked down, expecting the blast of rainbows that would obliterate the pizza shop. He kept waiting. Any second now.

"I think you made a friend, Twi." Lyra reached out a hoof to poke the limpet-like changeling now hugging the alicorn. "Hey, Bored, you eat pizza?"

"You are going to invite a changeling around to eat pizza with us?" Twilight blinked, then looked down at her new fashion accessory. Rarity did say black was coming back in… or was that going out? "Friendships is friendship, I suppose. Come on Bored." Twilight beamed at the drone, suddenly having to carry him as he got another dose of pure, "Princess of Friendship" brand, right from the source, friendship.

"Okay…" Bored knew now, why the other 'lings talked so hopefully of love and happiness. It was the best thing ever!

Author's Note

A new day, a new story! I threatened some friends I would write this story, not sure if it is a once-off, but hey, that is always a surprise with my stories!

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Awesome ponies who are already helping to keep me in keyboards and rum:
Canary in the coal mine
Daremo
Mary Rowland
Boulder
A.P.O.N.I.

And special thanks to the following, for careful eyes and friendly words:
Daremo
Vutava
Boulder