What's Ruling a Nation Like?
It was a peaceful day in Canterlot, and Princess Celestia was enjoying it for however long she could as she walked through the halls of the castle. Day court had been very tiring for her and all she wanted to do now was relax before somepony sought her out for an issue that they were having. All of a sudden, she heard a familiar, feminine voice call out to her. “Princess Celestia! I want to ask you something!”
Celestia turned around and immediately smiled when she saw who it was. “Ah, Twilight Sparkle.” She happily said as she began to walk towards Twilight, who was galloping toward her carrying her saddle bags. When she was within reach of her student, she raised a foreleg and used it to greet her pupil with a hug as she began to say, “Whatever is the problem, my student?”
Twilight Sparkle returned the hug and broke it before she bashfully began to speak, “Well, it’s not exactly something drastic. I just wanted to ask something out of curiosity. If you don’t mind that is.”
“Not at all, my student.” Celestia happily said. “I’m always willing to answer any question you have, no matter how important or unimportant the question is. Besides,” she began to say as she started to lead Twilight through the castle halls, “I could use the distraction right now. Now ask away, my student.”
“Yes! Thank you, princess!” Twilight excitingly exclaimed as she used her magic to levitate her quill, ink bottle, and parchment from her saddle bags, causing Celestia to chuckle. “I only have one question for you, but I’m sure that you have a lot to say about it.”
“Alright, ask away.”
“Well, I just want to know,” Twilight began to ask, “What’s ruling a nation like?”
Celestia immediately stopped walking, causing Twilight to stop alongside her. “You want to know what ruling a nation is like?”
“I know it seems like a weird, out of the blue question, but after being your student for the past ten years, I just want to know what your daily life is like as our nation’s ruler? You don’t have to answer if it’s too personal of a question for you.” Twilight said, as she started to look ashamed for suddenly asking that question.
“Oh no, it’s not that at all. You just caught me by surprise is all.” Celestia reassured, making Twilight feel better about asking her question. “I honestly wasn’t expecting your question to be related to that aspect of my life. Now then,” Celestia said as she began to pace around the halls in thought, “How to explain what it’s like to be a nation’s ruler?” She paced around for a few minutes as Twilight looked on in anticipation. She suddenly stopped when she came up with a way to answer Twilight’s question and turned to face her with a smile. “Okay, Twilight, I think I came up with a perfect way to best explain what ruling a nation is like.”
“That’s great, princess!” Twilight said with excitement as she dipped the quill in the ink bottle to start writing whatever Celestia was about to say, “I’m ready when you are.”
Celestia chuckled at her student’s actions again before casually replying, “Very well, my student, if I were to explain what being the ruler of a nation is like, I would say that it is a lot like having sex.”
Twilight froze where she stood, her quill not moving on the parchment and her eyes widening in shock. “W-what did you say, princess.”
“I said that ruling a nation is a lot like having sex.” Celestia casually replied again.
“B-but how?” Twilight managed to quickly ask.
“Well, let me explain,” Celestia began to happily explain, “When you’re the ruler of a nation, you have to experiment a little to see what works and if you’re comfortable doing it or not. Sometimes the things you experiment with work out and you end up incorporating them more often. And even if it makes you slightly uncomfortable, well if it works then your comfort is just a small price to pay. The rest of the time, those things you experiment with don’t end up working out, but because you definitely know that those things don’t work, you know not to incorporate them into your next session.”
As Celestia was talking to Twilight, two of her aids, both of which were mares, were walking down an intersecting hall and noticed the conversation going on. They stopped and watched for a few seconds before one of them asked, “What are they talking about?”
The other mare analyzed the two for a few moments before replying, “I think she’s explaining to her student what ruling a nation is like.”
“What makes you say that?”
“Look at her!” She said, pointing a hoof at Twilight. “She’s in complete shock. It looks like she’s in a conversation that escalated down a weird and unpleasant turn really quickly.”
“Oh, the poor dear.” The first mare said, genuinely feeling sorry for Twilight. “She would have been better off if she had asked one of the princess’ aids instead.” The two mares then decided to continue to walk down the hall, unable to watch Twilight’s suffering any further.
“Also,” Celestia continued in the same tone, “When you’re dealing with other nations that are willing to have good relations with you, you have to work to maintain those good relations. You have to do things with them to make them happy and sometimes do a little more, within reason of course, even if it makes you slightly uncomfortable. And in return, they will do the things that make you happy in return.”
“Although,” she suddenly began to say in a more frustrated tone, “you do end up having to deal with nations that continue to just take and take and take from you without doing anything with you in return. And sometimes, that results in either only one side feeling satisfied, or nopony feeling satisfied. Or if you’re at war with that nation, then all you’re doing is a bit of hate fucking in hopes you end up dominating the situation.” She then pauses before continuing in a guiltier tone. “And then sometimes…sometimes, you have those relationships in which you take innocence away from your partner. Are you following so far, Twilight?”
Twilight just stood there in a mixture of shock, horror, and disbelief. It took all of her concentration to keep her quill, ink bottle, and parchment from falling to the ground. After a few moments, she began to shakenly say, “I-I am so far, your highness.”
“Okay then,” Celestia continued, “I’ve talked about experimenting with new ideas and foreign relations. So I guess all there is to talk about is domestic policy, in which I would best explain as a form of dominance and submission.”
Twilight’s brain began to kick back in again out of confusion as she began to shakily ask, “W-what do you mean by that, Princess?”
“Well imagine it like this, Twilight.” Celestia began to explain. “Imagine me as a dominatrix and my subjects and my subjects are my devotees. I, as the dominatrix, set the rules that my subjects are forced to follow and make the fees that they have to pay me. If they don’t, then they are justly punished for the rule they don’t follow. But if they do, then I give them little rewards that they are allowed to indulge themselves in. Really, the only difference between the two is that domestic policy doesn’t have a safe word.”
“That is very interesting.” Twilight sheepishly lied, hoping that Celestia wouldn’t see through it.
“In short, Twilight.” Celestia concluded. “Governing a nation is quite an experience. Sometimes it is appreciated, and sometimes it goes thankless action. Sometimes you’re able to get fun out of it, and the rest of the time you use it as a form of stress relief. And while you can get the greatest feeling of satisfaction out of it, you can also walk away with the deepest feeling of shame afterward. Did all of that answer your question, Twilight.”
“Well, in a way that I wasn’t expecting, yes.” Twilight reluctantly replied, regretting all of her decisions that had led to this situation.
“Very well then.” Celestia happily replied before looking out the window. “I believe it’s time for me to lower the sun today. If there’s nothing else you’d like to ask, then I hope that you have a good night’s rest.” She said, giving her a bow in farewell.
“Good night to you as well, Princess!” Twilight quickly said, giving Celestia a quick bow and running back towards her room as fast as she could. When she made it back to her room, she took deep slow breaths, took her saddle bags off, and looked down at the empty parchment that she still had levitating in her magic. She, for once, was glad that she was so shocked and confused about a subject to the point where she didn’t take any notes.
“Hey, Twilight, did you ask Princess Celestia that question you wanted to ask her?” Spike called as he was crawling down the ladder he was standing on.
“Um… yeah. Unfortunately.” Twilight reluctantly replied.
“What do you mean by, ‘unfortunately?’ Let me see.” He said as he grabbed the piece of parchment from her magical hold and looked at it only to be immediately confused. “Twilight, you didn’t write anything down. You always take notes when Princess Celestia gives you a lecture, this is so unlike you. What happened?" He asked with a mix of confusion and concern.
“I’d rather not say.” Twilight said, hoping that Spike would just leave it at that.
“Oh, come on! Why not, you always tell me about the things you learn, even when I definitely don’t want to listen to it.” Spike said in a frustrated tone.
“Spike, what I learned today isn’t for your ears!” Twilight said in an almost scolding tone.
“Oh, I see. The one time I’m actually interested in what you learned is the one thing you don’t want to talk about. That’s so unfair!” Spike said as he began to skulk about the room.
Twilight gave a frustrated sigh before responding, “Alright, Spike, tell you what. If you are still interested in learning what I learned today in about ten years, I’ll be more than disappointed to tell you what Celestia told me today.”
Spike immediately perked up and ran up to Twilight to give her a hug and said, “Awesome, you’re the best, Twilight!”
Twilight returned the hug as she replied, “No, Spike, no I’m not.”
