The Art Of Getting A Job

by Lionscage143

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character, Comedy
Length: 1241

A light hearted story about a unicorn getting a job, for more information read the long description.

Respawn Carl (A 25 year old Unicorn fresh out of college) is now an adult, no more school. You might expect life to be good after that, not for Respawn, he's almost first priority is getting a job, but sadly because of his "colorful" language he's gonna have to go out of his way to get a job, but because the story idea is a normal thing in life this makes it a Slice Of Life.
*Starts sweating* R-Right?

Warning: Contains swearing.

Published 2016-10-01 02:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-10-01 02:20:01 UTC

[Insert Epic Title Here]

Chapter 1
[Insert Epic Title Here]

Beep! Beep! Beep! Beeep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beeep!

My alarm continues to beep with that tune, I keep hearing that everywhere. I’ve been hearing that at the cafe, I’ve been hearing that at the store, I’ve been hearing that since I’ve been a foal! It’s been getting annoying, I turn my head to the alarm that’s on a tabletop on my right, the flashing yellow lights telling me it’s 6:00 in the morning, why did I have the alarm wake me up so early? Damn, the beeping is getting annoying. I shove the alarm of the tabletop, it crashes down to the floor, the beeping stops.

I’m half awake right now, I’ve always needed a cup of coffee before doing stuff. I slowly roll to my side, that’s when I notice half of my body is hanging off as gravity slowly pulls me down. My legs flail around in an effort to keep me on the bed but it doesn’t work as I plummet to the wooden floor, I land on my stomach, wrapped up in blankets. I sprawl up to my hooves, I bite the blanket and pull it off of me.
I throw it to the bed, it slowly floats down to the bed. I turn around and walk to the other side of the bed to see what happened to the alarm, I look down at the floor to see pieces of the alarm on the floor. Shit, I made that in college for some programming class. I would use my magic to pick this up but I need the coffee for my brain to work. I make my way downstairs, I walk over to the fridge and bite the handle and pull at it till it opens up a bit, then I let it swing fully open.

I look through the fridge to find no coffee mix, then I remember I don’t put the coffee in the fridge, this is why I need coffee in the morning. I push it closed with my right hoof and walk over to the cabinets. There are about ten cabinets in front of me, I muster up what energy I have and open them all up, an orange aura appears around the handle as the cabinets open. I search them, there’s no coffee. Shit.
I need to walk all the way to the cafe, why must my life be this way? I have to take a shower before I go out into the world, but I usually take a shower after drinking coffee. But I don’t have coffee, so I can’t take a shower. I’ve always drank coffee and then taken a shower, it was never the other way around. It was a good tradition too.

If I upset this order the entire basic order of the universe will fall apart as anarchy falls on our little, squashy lives. Really who would care if we fell into anarchy anyways? We’re all just small specks of dust in this...I need to fucking stop doing this. I’ve always had these moments whenever something like this happens, I just get extremely stressed that way. Well anyways, I need to make my way to the cafe, yet I need to take a shower before going out, yet I drink coffee before I take a shower before going out.
Wait a minute, what if I do it all in reverse? I’m still using all the steps and using the tradition, just doing it backwards. That’s a good plan for being half awake, I turn and walk for the door, after a bit I’m in front of the door. I will myself to use magic to open the door, after a bit of willpower an orange aura swallows the handle and opens the door, I then walk out into the world. The sun is just rising amongst, what’s this town’s name again?

I think it was...oh yeah! Manehatten, I can’t believe I survived college with this kind of brain, stupid brain. I’m in the apartment sector of Manehatten, the good thing is my apartment is building is one of those “really just a mansion split into rooms” kind of deal. So we all get our own section of the building, which is good. I hate living with other people, they’re always touching my stuff! Anyways, which direction is the cafe?

I look both ways of the sidewalk, trying to remember the direction to take. If I remember right I go left, then take another left then a right. I decide to do that, luckily it’s early in the morning so there’s not much traffic to Manehatten standards. I later reach the cafe, luckily it just opened conveniently when I walked to it. Oh how I love convenience when it works in my favor.

I walk in, the little bell chimes when I walk in. The tiles on the floor are white, the ceiling laps reflect off of them to make a bright combination. There are round tables with six chairs around them on the left half of the cafe while the right half is the line and bathrooms. Cafe pony’s standing at the other side of the counter, I walk up to him.

“How are you doing cafe guy?” I ask, Cafe guy’s fur is gray and his mane is short and black, his cutie mark is a coffee cup. He looks up at me.

“I have a name, you know.” He states, I chuckles.

“Okay fine, what’s your name?” I ask, he stands there, thinking a bit. He looks confused.

“I’ve spent so much time in this hellhole, living on minimum wage. I must’ve forgotten my name, everyday I think of how it would feel like to have a good paying job. Then my boss puts me back in reality by cutting my pay, this is worse then Tartarus.” He answers, well then. That’s deep.

“Well, that’s nice. Anyways I need the usual and 5 bags of the mix for the usual.” I say, Cafe Pony sighs.

“Okay, that’ll be forty three bits.” He replies, shit. I forgot my pouch, I guess I can try that teleportation of objects spell I learned in magic class. Okay if I remember right “Gizmhuvi Lyqvxg: Xfiivmg Olxzgrlm: Klfxs Lu Yrgh”, I keep reciting that in my head while thinking of my pouch of bits appearing on the counter. I remember the teacher in Advanced Magic Class in college telling us to choose a language or cipher to use Advanced Magic, she said ciphers were easier so I chose Atbash Ciphers.

I then float forty three bits out of the pouch and put it on the counter, then reverse the Atbash Ciphers for the teleportation of objects spell and imagine the pouch on my desk back home, the pouch disappears. Cafe Pony takes the bits and puts them into the cashier thing, he then goes to the back to make the coffee. He later comes back with a cup of chocolate latte and three bags of the mix for it. This has been a good morning, I lift up the coffee and bags with magic. I walk over to a chair and sit down and sit down the the coffee and bags of coffee mix.
What am I forgetting? After a bit of sipping chocolate latte and thinking, I remember. Oh shit, I got to get a job.