Spike and Discord's Wild Ride

by Fortune Tune

Rating: everyone
Tags: Ember, Discord, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy
Length: 9321

An afternoon off and everypony is busy? Not a problem for the Lord of Chaos! Sometimes the most fun opportunities are the ones we don't see coming!

A poorly timed schedule results in Guy's Night getting Canceled! And while the other ponies have something to occupy their time, Discord makes his fun occupying other's times. It'll take a lot more than an empty schedule to keep the Lord of Chaos down, and with Spike's help, he just might make this a day to remember!

Been eager to write about these two for a while now. I'm still a little new to this, so please bear with me!

Published 2016-09-24 03:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-12-01 03:32:27 UTC

An Afternoon Off

Twilight and Spike trotted down the crystalline corridors of their home, the former looking worriedly at her assistant.

"I really am sorry about this," Twilight said earnestly. "I know how much Guy's Night means to you. You shouldn't have to call it off on my account."

"Hey, don't worry about it," Spike reassured her. "You can't control other ponies schedules. It's not your fault you had to reschedule your trip to Saddle Arabia."

"I know, I'm just usually so much more organized than this. I thought we'd triple checked to make sure we didn't miss any diplomatic visits, but…" Twilight came to halt as a dreadful thought occurred to her. "Spike…have we been forgetting to triple check the checklists!?"

Spike winced. "Uhh, kinda, yeah. I mean, with you girls going out like clockwork, we've only been able to give any checklist a once over. I'm a little surprised we haven't run into this problem sooner."

Twilight shook her head disappointedly. "I knew these missions would leave us short for time, but I never imagined we wouldn't even be able to double check our checklists, much less triple." She took a deep breath, calming her already frayed nerves. "No sense worrying on what's already done. Spike, we need an extra checklist to make certain that we give every checklist at least a thorough double checking!"

Spike, having already started writing her note down, smiled fondly. "It'll be just like old times. I almost started to miss our checklist checklists."

"So have I. There's nothing more satisfying than an organized schedule, and with all our trips out of Equestria, I'd say we're overdue for a good reorganizing!" she reared up triumphantly, and continued on with a spring in her step until they passed the throne room, where several piles of paper work awaited her. "…after I finish organizing the trip to Saddle Arabia."

"Right. I'll just put 'pick up extra scrolls to organize our back-up checklist' on the next checklist for when you get back," Spike chuckled.

"Thanks, Spike. I can always count on you," said Twilight, ruffling the baby dragon's spines. "And thank you for helping with the brunt of this," she side-eyed the mountain of paperwork. "You enjoy the rest of the day. I'll tell the girls we're heading off again."

"You sure you won't need anything?" asked Spike, peering over her shoulder. "That's a large pile of paperwork."

"I'm sure," Twilight reassured him. "Right now I'm just waiting to confirm some appointments. Maybe you should to add 'make checklists for all the diplomats without checklists' to that other checklist," she said, smirking to herself.

Spike smiled at the very Twilight-style joke. If there was one thing that would probably never change about her, it'd be her sense of humor. "Alright, if you're sure. I'm heading out then!"

"Be back before dusk!" Twilight called as Spike jogged towards the castle doors. She saw him give her a thumbs up, and watched him start down the trail that lead to Ponyville, sighing as she turned back to the task at hoof. "Well, no sense in putting it off." She trotted into the throne room, and shut the doors behind her quietly, several dozen scrolls already in the grasp of her magic before the doors closed.

***

Twilight had often gone on about variables in life, usually with nothing positive in the mix. To her, they represented unpredictable obstacles in an otherwise perfect schedule that could overcomplicate a peaceful evening. And while she had come to recognize their importance over the years - made apparent thanks to her and her friends unique meetings - if she had a choice, she'd much rather go without any unforeseen variables. But as Spike crested the hill overlooking Sweet Apple Acres, he found himself incredibly thankful for his own set of variables.

It turned out the upset that Twilight's plans caused came at a surprisingly opportune time. When he went to tell Big Mac the news, the red stallion had been relieved. According to him, Applejack had needed extra assistance with a delivery due that day, and he was worried Spike would've been upset with him for missing their guy's night.

After reassuring him that they'd postpone any campaigns until after they were all together, the baby dragon bid good-bye to his monosyllabic friend, and trotted back to Ponyville proper. Having nothing planned for his afternoon off, aside from a quick jaunt to Quills and Sofas, Spike took a detour through the White Tail Woods to take advantage of the quiet scenery.

"That's one done," he said to himself. "Now all that's left is Discord. Now where did Fluttershy say that he lived?"

"Why, where ever there's fun to be had!" a voice replied from behind him.

Spike's spines stood on end from how close it sounded, and he yelled loudly, shutting his eyes out of reflex. Seconds passed, and when nothing happened, he opened them to find himself snout to snout with the Lord of Chaos.

"Hello Spike!" Discord said, smiling broadly as if he hadn't nearly given the young dragon a heart attack. "Fancy meeting you out here."

"Discord!" Spike exclaimed, taking a step back. "You scared me…"

"Glad to see I'm not loosing my touch," he laughed, receiving a glare from the baby dragon. "Oh, take it easy. It was a harmless little scare. Besides, you practically set yourself up for that one."

"Well, blame yourself for being so hard to find. There's got to be an easier way to get a hold of you."

"Stick a pin in that thought, because Fluttershy's out on another errand, and I thought we'd spend some guy time together! Where's Big Mac. I've got another storyline I've been itching to try out!" He donned a pirate's hat, the bow of a ship rising under him and a breeze kicking up that puffed out the sail in back of him.

"I'd love to…but I can't," Spike began, already wincing as he watched the wind being literally taken out of Discord's sails. "Big Mac's going with Applejack to deliver some special pies over to the next town."

"Well, what about Pinkie Pie or Rainbow Dash?"

"Baby-sitting the twins and Wonderbolts training," Spike countered. "Sorry dude, but we're on our own."

"Then we can make a day of it by ourselves," suggested Discord, undeterred. "The scenario I was thinking of doesn't necessarily need five players, though we'd need considerable muscle power to compensate…"

Spike shook his head emphatically. "Ignoring the fact that we couldn't play with Twilight monopolizing the throne room for her next journey to Saddle Arabia, it'd be really unfair to leave the others out of such a crucial part of the adventure." He gave Discord a baleful look. "You remember how that feels, right?"

The sting of that lesson still smarted, and the chaos lord conceded with a sigh. "I suppose you're right." He was quick to bounce back, though. "But that just means we'll have to find something else to do!" He lowered his head and looked at Spike with interest. "So, what does Princess Twilight's Number One Assistant do when he's not going on death defying journeys of heroism?" he asked, exaggerating his voice to match the bombast he gave.

Spike grinned shyly, taking a moment to enjoy the praise. "Well, I'd like to think I'm pretty down-to-earth. I like to read comics, maybe read Daring Do… Oh, Big Mac took me to a buck ball game once. That was pretty fun."

"If by fun you mean boring," Discord scoffed, much to the confusion of the baby dragon. "You've never thought of going anywhere exotic? I mean you're Twilight's assistant, for chaos' sake! Plus you campaign our entire adventure! You should at least be a little bit more outgoing with the company you keep."

"Usually when I go on my own adventures, things don't turn out so hot…" Spike said dejectedly. "Why do you think I like playing that game so much? At least there, I can't screw anything up."

"Oh, please, it can't be all that bad."

Spike shot him a terse look. "Last time I went into the Everfree, I got attacked by Timberwolves, and had to have Applejack save me. Then I got into a whole thing about my Dragon Code and…"

"A 'thing'?" Discord muttered.

"I… sorta went overboard with it. I offered my services to Applejack and she didn't really like it. Not the least bit because I kept screwing up."

"Not surprising. You dragons are talented, but you end up getting all flustered when you go on about that code."

"How do you know about the dragon code!?" Spike blurted out.

"Uhh, hello?" Discord teased, shaking his dragon tail with his dragon's foot. "Not to mention that I've seen dozens of dragons during my time. Granted they were usually running from me in terror, but still…"

"Really? What were they like?"

"Stuck up most of the time, at least when it came to the adults," said Discord dismissively. "The adolescents were a mixed bag. Some were fun and knew how to party! But others took after their parents. Either rowdy and destructive or just way too uptight for their age. It wasn't fun either way."

"I never knew a dragon could be too uptight," said Spike. "I could probably deal with that at least."

"Oh? You have some bad run ins with the older crowd?" Discord asked. "They 2 edgy 4 you?"

The way he pronounced the words 'too' and 'for' sounded off to Spike, but he ignored it. "The first bunch of dragons I ran into were just big jerks. They tried to smash a phoenix egg and-!"

"You played smash the egg?" Discord asked in disbelief. "Didn't think you had it in ya!"

"I'd never do that! I saved that bird and raised it as my own!" Discord raised an eyebrow. "Well… I mean I returned him to his parents soon after, but the point is-!"

"I know the point." Discord huffed. "Your pony upbringing made waves in the dragon community. Not hard too figure out what happened next. Still, Equestrian dragons must really be out of sorts if they're doing that again."

"Again?" Spike wondered.

"It was this whole 'thing' they did way back when," he began, and Spike couldn't help but feel like his earlier phrasing was being mocked. Still, he remained silent while Discord monologued. "A big group of dragons thought themselves superior to the others in every way and sought to destroy all the other eggs of rival groups. Needless to say that involved a lot of smashing. Eventually war broke out, the bad dragons won, blah blah blah, etc. etc. etc."

He waved his lion's paw in a circular motion, as if trying to clear the air of that topic. Spike was all too happy to let him, not liking where that story was heading.

"So, not all dragons are that…" he thought back to Discord's earlier word. "Edgy?"

Discord snickered. "Those dragons weren't edgy! They were just dumb! Not even in the cool way."

"That figures," Spike muttered. "I guess things really haven't changed from way back then."

"You don't sound surprised about that," Discord mused. "You run into more dragons along your myriad of adventures?"

"Well, I got summoned to the Dragon Gauntlet where I-"

"So THAT'S why my leg was so itchy!"

Spike gave Discord a curious look and was rewarded with the draconequus' tail tuft tickling his nose and making him sneeze. "Part dragon, remember? Keep up kid." He patted Spike on the head, much to the young dragon's annoyance. "Now, you were saying something about your last foray into the spotlight?"

"Well, I helped Princess Ember win the thing, and then we became friends."

"Oh?" Discord hovered in front of Spike, looming wide eyed with interest. "You're best-ies with the new Dragon Lord?"

"Yeah, I am," Spike said, pushing Discord's snout out of his personal space. "She's pretty cool, just needs a little help expressing her feelings."

"Ohh, that sounds like something we could do to pass the time!" He poofed a lab coat and a set of glassed, text appearing underneath him that read Professor Discord M.D. "I'm sure we can help her find her sensitive side!"

Spike sighed at the lettering. "We're not going to operate on her! And I don't think Twilight would like me going on a trip to the dragon lands without telling her first."

"What is she, your mom?"

"No, but she'd be upset that she wasn't there to document it." Before Discord could offer a retort, Spike barreled through. "You're talking about exploring a dragon's mind to help her find her sensitive side. You know as well as I do that she'd have us go back again if we didn't record every second of our visit."

Discord winced, remembering full well the lengths Twilight went to in search of scientifically accurate data collecting. "Fine, you've made your point. Then it appears that we are at an impasse," the chaos lord mused for a moment before brightening up, both figuratively and literally. "I know! Until we find something that won't get you in hot lava, what's say I help you finish what's on your agenda?"

"Well, actually, I got the afternoon off. Twilight's deep in prep mode, and I doubt even a rampaging dragon could get her out of it." Discord hummed curiously at that. "In the meantime, I was planning on playing out a new tune on my belly. I think I got it down so that I can play the entire Ponyville anthem on it!"

Discord scoffed. "That's nothing, I can play the entire Canterlot anthem on mine!" He stretched his body out, his mid-section turning into a large pony conducted orchestra, complete with Maestro. Spike found himself right next to the wind section and covered his ears when he heard the loud tuba that represented the ferocity of the 'Royal Canterlot voice' blow loudly, knocking him back several feet.

"Ahh, that was fun! What did you think, Spike?" The draconequus was met with absolute silence, and looked around to find the baby dragon face down on the ground. He floated over to where Spike had landed, and poked him with his tail. "…Spike?"

He flipped Spike over and smirked when he saw him breathing softly, knocked out cold. "The poor boy must be tuckered out. Well, that just means he'll need his rest. I'm sure Twilight won't mind a little interdimensional travel while he recovers his wits!" He picked up Spike with his tail and was just about to snap his fingers when…

"BURP!!"

Discord jerked his tail away, ducking his head at the sudden surge of dragon fire blasted at him. "Someone's got a sensitive tummy." He glanced back at Spike and caught sight of the flames turning into a small scroll. "Oh, that's right, you've got that nifty trick. I'd almost forgotten. Well, I'm sure you won't mind me sneaking a peak. Just say something if you think I shouldn't." He gently shook Spike, but the little dragon was no closer to waking. "I'll take that as a yes!"

Discord unfurled the letter, squinting his eyes as he tried to decipher it. "Sheesh, did a Diamond Dog write this? I'd call this chicken scratch, but that'd be an insult to chickens." He brought up some reading glasses and slowly went over every line of broken dialogue. Unfortunately most of it was still very scribbled, as if the writer wrote it in extreme haste.

"Let's see, 'Dear Princess Twilight and Spike… request your assistance…dragon lands…! Post haste! You're truly, Dragon Lord Ember!''

"Oh, happy day!" Discord cheered. "Looks like our day is about to get a lot more interesting" Spike, still unconscious, said nothing. "Oh, don't be that way. It is our job, nay our duty to see that our neighboring royals are safe and sound!" He donned a silver helmet and brandished a sword, posing with it heroically. "Come, Spike! We must be on our way to save the dragon lands from whatever ill fates befall it! Or be the cause of it, I'm good with either!"

He snapped his fingers and vanished in a flash of light.

Author's Note

And so it begins! As the preview said, I'd been kicking this idea in my head for a while now. Still a bit new to this format, so again, bear with me. Luckily, I'm not new to story writing, so get ready for more shenanigans coming soon!

Respect your Elders

Dragon Lord Ember stood on a cliff outlooking the badlands. A titanic roar echoed throughout the valley, and she gripped the bloodstone scepter tightly in her claws. While it had only been a few minutes since she sent a request for help to her pony friends, it felt like hours. Every so often, the ground would shake and rumble, and new cracks would form on the mountain on which she stood.

The sound of magical discharge caught her attention, made familiar by Twilight's proficient and frequent use of teleportation, and she turned around, a hopeful smile on her snout.

"Twilight? That was-" that hope turned sour when she saw Discord, smiling nonchalantly. "Oh, it's you…"

Discord looked hurt. "Well that's a fine howdy-do! Though I am a little surprised at the cold reception. Usually when I'm recognized, there's at least a little bit of residual terror, or at the very least discomfort." He put a paw over his eyes and sighed melodramatically. "Or have I become such old news so quickly…?

"Twilight mentioned you in her letters," Ember said before he could go on any further. "She said you had a tendency to be…" she snorted as she recalled the word she'd use to describe him, and decided on a more polite term, "disagreeable."

"Ahh, yes, I suppose we have butted heads from time to time," Discord said, coming out of his drama mode. "But isn't that what friendship is about? Getting each others nerves in the heat of the moment, but being able to walk away closer than ever at the end of the day?"

"…Is it? Sounds a bit impractical, if you ask me."

"Ehh, fair enough," Discord shrugged. "Not like I didn't think the same thing once upon a time. But it doesn't change the face that you now have some reinforcements!"

"Reinforcements? You?" Ember asked. "What, so is this part of your community service?"

"Your news sources are at least two seasons out of date," he said indignantly. "I'm fully reformed, thank you very much! And being the good Se-mare-itan that I am," Discord had to hold back a smirk at the way Ember glared at him. "I thought it prudent to help our new allies and friends with whatever ails them."

"And Twilight just decided to send you to help?" Ember asked, eyes narrowing in suspicion. "After all that talk about how you liked to shirk off your responsibilities?"

"If you must know, her royal purple-ness is out on another errand and has sent forth this lowly squire in her stead," the draconequus took an exaggerated bow that brought an unconscious Spike, still held in the coils of his tail, into view. "Complete with assistant!" he added with a smile.

"Spike!" Ember cried.

The little dragon stirred, and blinked his eyes open as the world came back into focus. "Ember…?" he asked groggily.

"Welcome back to the land of the living!" Discord said, bending his serpentine body to face his young charge/captive. "You were on quite the snooze cruise, young dragon. I hope you brought souvenirs!"

"Souvenirs…what?"

"Spike, is this…" she almost choked on her words. "…creature holding you against your will!?"

"Relax, your royal stick in the mud." Discord huffed and dropped Spike on to the ground, the baby dragon falling with a grunt. "And I thought Twilight was uptight. I was so hoping to find a ruler that wasn't so stiff."

"I swear, if you did anything to hurt him, I'll-!"

"No, wait, it's fine," Spike finally said, getting up to his feet. "I mean, I think it is. Why are we here again?"

"We have been summoned at the request of Dragon Lord Ember via letter by dragonfire," Discord explained, now donning a fancy wig and petticoat as he presented the letter in question to the baby dragon. "Of course, it'd be hard to tell just why with how rushed this was written."

Ember flushed angrily. "You would've rushed too if you saw what I have to deal with. Come on!"

She took flight, gliding off the cliff face towards the valley below.

"Come on, Spike. Adventure awaits!" Discord didn't wait for the baby dragon to reply before wrapping his tail around him once more and taking off after Ember.

They flew behind a rocky out cropping and Ember peeked around it before signaling them to join her. The two looked around, but all they saw were rocks and lava. The air, while humid, was deathly quiet.

"So…" Spike started when the silence began to drag on. "Is this a special dragon thing or-"

A thunderer roar cut him off, and Spike had to muffle a gasp when its owner stomped into view.

There was Torch, looking positively livid. His appearance was already intimidating, but now he'd become terrifying: his scales had a darker hue to them, the jewel-like formations on his head had turned crimson, and his eyes were blood red instead of their usual amber. He let out a roar that was so primal, it made even Discord's beard stand on end. The three took cover behind the rock when Torch started to charge right past them, ramming his head into a nearby cliff face.

"Is that Torch?" Spike wondered, and received a sad nod from Ember. "What happened to him?"

"He's been like this since this morning," Ember said, looking forlornly at her father. "We'd just had my first meeting of the dragons yesterday. He looked so proud of me when I addressed the local dragons." She smiled fondly at the memory, but winced when she heard her father's distorted roar echo through the valley. "When I woke up, he was already rampaging through the fields. He didn't even recognize me when I tried to talk to him." She took a shuddering breath, and looked at the two. "Now do you see why I called out here?"

"Not really, no," Discord said, much to Spike's confusion and Ember's ire. "Your dad's taking aging rather well, all things considered."

"Aging?!" Ember yelled. "This isn't aging! He's stuck in a primal rampage. What could aging possible have to do with it!?"

"It's his midlife crisis, of course," answered Discord, matter-of-factly. "He's stuck in a greed induced rampage because he wants to reclaim his old days. Quite common for someone his age. Why, I remember watching one dragon completely level a mountain when he hit that age. Natural chaos at its finest!"

"So he's greedy for his youth?" Spike asked.

"That's a good way to put it, yes. Honestly this is one of the better ways it could've turned out. You don't even wanna know what the alternatives are." he turned to Ember with an oily smile. "That being said, if you ever did want to know-!"

"I'm fine as is, thank you," muttered Ember. "Right now, all I want to know is how we can snap him out of it. If this goes on for too long, he'll destroy the entire continent!"

"Oh, that's an easy one!" Discord said joyously. "And a fun one at that. All we need to do is make him feel young again!"

"And just how are we supposed to do that?" Ember fumed. "He can barely tell his own tail from a bed of rocks!"

"Well, from the looks of things, your dad was quite the brawler in his youth," Discord noted, taking a peek from their hiding spot to look at the former dragon lord give a head lock to an unlucky outcropping. "So all we have to do is have him duke it out with another experienced dragon!"

"But how are we supposed to convince another dragon to take on a former dragon lord?" Spike asked. "Let alone one that's completely off his rocker!" He felt Ember's glare on his back, and quickly turned to the seething Dragon Lord. "Uhh… no offense?"

"And that's the fun part!" Discord snapped his fingers, a red and green dragon popping into existence behind him. "You have a one-draconequs-army at your disposal. We'll just keep throwing dragons at him until something sticks."

"Uhh… Discord," Spike said warily. "Aren't you forgetting something?"

Discord hummed curiously, ignoring the twin glares the dragons behind him were giving him. "Oh, you're right! I completely forgot!" He poofed on a lab coat and started furiously writing things down on a notepad, one that bore his visage, naturally. "We need to make sure to record everything so that Sparkle-butt doesn't throw a fit when we return. Good catch there Spike."

"Not what I was going for…"

"I believe he was referring to us," the red dragon huffed, lowering his head to glare properly at Discord. "Just what makes you think we'll help you?"

"Ahh, yes, I have the answer for that too!" Discord flew up to the dragon's ear, whispering something that made the dragon's eyes widen. he then flew up to the green dragon, whispering something that had him mirroring his counterpart's expression.

"MINE!!!" Both dragons roared excitedly as they dashed towards Torch, kicking up a cloud of dust as they pounced on him.

"Didn't even need to use mind control!" Discord cheered, floating down to watch the spectacle. Though it quickly became apparent that it was a one sided match, as, even with the odds stacked against him, Torch took all the dragons could give and then some. Though the dust obscured most of the fighting, they could still make out the shapes of all three as they tussled.

"What did you say to them?" Ember wondered, before grimacing when she caught sight a dragon getting decked in the nose.

"Oh nothing much," he sing-songed, wincing as he watched Torch choke hold the green dragon while managing to gain enough leverage to kick the red dragon in the jaw. "Just that, if they won, they'd get to pick as much loot from your hoard as they could carry and take it with them. No better incentive than the Dragon Lord's own hoard, am I right?"

Ember took this news with all the dignity and self control one would expect of a Dragon Lord when dealing with a visitor.

"I WILL INCINERATE YOU!" she roared, and attempted to put him in a choke hold of her own.

"Touchy!" Discord chortled before slipping away from Ember's reach. "And you have nothing to worry about. I only sent them out to gauge his strength." He looked at his wrist, which now sported a miniature sundial. "By my estimates they should be done in about…" On cue, both dragon landed in front of the trio, each looking thoroughly thrashed. "Now!"

"He kicked me in the jaw," the red dragon whimpered out. "First the rainbow pony, now him… Why does everybody kick me in the jaw…?"

"Oh, grow up. Did I summon dragons or mice?" Discord tutted and snapped the two away. "Well, I suppose there's nothing to it. If you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself!"

"You're going to fight my father?" Ember asked skeptically.

"Oh, heavens no! We want him in one piece after all this, don't we?" he smirked at a now worried looking Ember. "No, I'm going to do what all good nobles do and select a champion to fight in my place!"

"You're a noble?" Ember asked, mostly in sarcasm.

Discord still looked affronted. "I'll have you know that the 'Lord' in 'Lord of Chaos' is more than just for show! Why else do you think I can just hang around Fluttershy's whenever I want?"

Ember frowned harshly, and Spike took it upon himself to ask the next question before things escalated. "Lord or not, weren't those two dragons your champions?"

"Those two were more like cannon fodder. Besides, whose to say I can't select more than one? Speaking of!" he twirled his lion's paw, pulling out a golden cane with his head on it from behind him and placed it on Spike's shoulder. "Congratulations, Sir Spike. You have been chosen by the Lord of Chaos as his new champion!'

"What?!" Spike yelped. "But I can't fight him! He'll pulverize me!"

As if on cue, Torch spotted a small rock formation, no bigger than Spike, and went to work pulverizing it into a fine sandy powder, before blowing molten hot fire on it, turning it to glass. Spike gulped at the wanton destruction, backing away slowly until he bumped up against Discord's leg..

"You have nothing to worry about," the chaos lord said, leaning over to pat Spike's head. "Just leave all the planning to me! Now Spike!" In a flash, he was once again dressed in his lab coat, with a mock diploma pinned to the rock wall. "Do you have anything that could calm you down after losing your mind? Family heirloom, favorite lullaby?"

Ignoring the oddity of Discord of all beings asking such a question, and feeling relieved at the lack of an 'M.D.' in the diploma's title, Spike responded. "Well, I have a Fire Ruby that I gave to Rarity. Seeing that brought me back to my senses the last time I…"

"Last time?" Ember asked when he trailed off.

"Oh, right. You weren't there when it happened. I sorta…kinda… got consumed by greed and nearly ate the entire town." He smiled sheepishly.

Ember's eyes widened in shock, but before she could say anything, Discord powered through. "Oh good, you've experienced Greed Growth. That saves us a ton of time!"

This time Ember found her words much easier. "Wait, you're going to use him to fight!? How'll that help!?"

"Well, we need fire power," answered Discord. "If we want Torch to feel young again, he needs to feel challenged. And since we've just proven that a normal dragon won't cut it, I figure, why not try a Greed Growth driven one!"

"But I can't change just like that!" Spike cried. "I have to be in a specific mindset…"

"You act like I don't have experience changing ponies' mindsets." Discord huffed, staring at him flatly.

"Would it work on a dragon though? We're pretty resistant to magic."

Again, Discord gave him a flat look. "You're acting as if you aren't talking to one of the most powerful magical creatures since time-- oh to Tartarus with it. Just go crazy!"

He poked Spike's head and the baby dragon knew no more.

Author's Note

Discord just really wanted to see two dragons fight and not get yelled at for it. I mean, he still got yelled at, but...

Greed and Chaos

It wasn't exactly an odd thing to see two dragons fight one another for dominance. In fact, one could say it was as normal as Celestia and Luna's control of the sun and moon. But no one would ever think that these two dragons, whose entire interaction lasted hardly 10 minutes, would come to blows so readily.

Spike, now standing several stories tall, grappled with Torch, managing to stand claw-to-claw with the bigger dragon. The two seemed to be on even terms, throwing each other around and making massive dents in the landmass. Their fire breath rivaled that of magma, and dissolved any unfortunate rock formation that it hit into molten slag. Their roars made the land shudder and crack underneath their feet, clearing the area of any individual who wanted to keep their bodies intact.

Discord munched on another bite of popcorn, sitting in a reclining chair that was floating just out of reach of the dragons' carnage. It was a one of his better works, if he did say so himself.

"On what planet did you think that this would work!?"

Still, he did have his own critic: One irate Dragon Lord who had not stopped yelling at him ever since Spike transformed.

"Calm down," he berated her. "They're almost out of it, and then everything will be back to-" a pained roar interrupted him, and he held back a wince as Spike was back handed into a large mountain. "Although, I might have overestimated Spike's greed power a tad…"

"How could you estimate anything!?" yelled Ember. "Greed Growth is one of the most uncontrollable conditions a dragon could have! Why do you think I even called for help in the first place!?"

"Oh, what are you getting all bent out of shape for?" Discord said, leering down at the small dragon. "Isn't it a friend's duty to rely on others? Have a little faith in the boy!"

He chose to ignore the accompanying roar of pain, one that was a distinctive pitch higher than Torch's was, that followed his statement.

"Do you even know how my dad got to be Dragon Lord?" fumed Ember, keeping her gaze strictly on Discord so as not to be distracted by the dueling dragons. "It is literally carved in stone about how he defeated an army of his competitors! He'll pulverize him, leave him a broken mess of a dragon! He'll be lucky if he can walk right after this, and-"

Her tirade ended when Spike managed to get a good hold of Torch and tossed the large dragon over his shoulder, making the earth shake from the impact.

"Thatta boy, Spike!" cheered Discord. "Show him what kind of dragon you are!" He leaned back in his chair, eyeing Ember, who now had to pick her jaw off the floor. "Leaves you kinda speechless," he shut the Dragon Lord's mouth gently with a finger. "Doesn't it?"

Ember shook her head. "I'll admit… it takes a lot to toss my dad around like that," she admitted "But that doesn't change the fact that we have two rampaging dragons now instead of one! How are we supposed to bring him back to his senses?"

"That's why I asked him that question earlier," Discord said as he poofed a heart shaped fire ruby into existence, playing catch with it while he watched the two dragons continue their bout. "I borrowed this little trinket from someone who he holds dear to him. One look at this and he'll snap back to his senses in no time at all."

His words did nothing to ease the young Dragon Lord's worry. "And you're sure this will work?"

"As sure as sunshine, sweetheart!" Discord said sweetly. "Now, let's just focus on the fight. Wanna take any bets?" he snapped his fingers, now clad in a green vest and visor. "I've got 20 bits riding on Spike, myself."

"I'm not betting against my dad!"

"So, that'll be 30 sapphires on your dad beating poor Spike to a pulp!" Ember tried to object, but was drawn to the battlefield by another thunderous roar. Spike had managed to get the upper hand again, and tossed Torch by the tail across the plains. She tightened her jaw to keep from letting it fall agape again, but Discord had already noticed her reaction. "Would you like to pay in advance, or should I take an I.O.U.?"

He popped several gemstones into existence, gems that Ember recognized were from HER own hoard. A claw shot out and grabbed onto Discord's neck scruff, and pulled the draconequs down to face a very irate Dragon Lord.

"You take any of my gems without my say-so, and there'll be a third rampaging dragon to worry about," she seethed quietly, and pressed her face to Discord's, her slitted eyes staring into Discord's mad ones. "Got that?"

Despite the clear threat, Discord looked more irritated than anything. "You know, it wouldn't kill you to say 'please'," he muttered as he poofed the gems away. "And you could stand to be a bit more thankful. All this is to help your dad, ya know!"

Whatever retort Ember had planned died in her throat when two monstrous roars bellowed out from the canyon. The two turned to see both dragons looking haggard, bruises and scratches littering their bodies and their chests heaving with labored breaths. For a moment, the valley was still, save only for the dragons' breaths. Then they charged at each other, wild fury in their eyes as they threw their fists out at each other.

Both fists connected, but Spike was launched back from the sheer force of Torch's blow. Despite having grown larger than his previous growth, Torch still had more muscle on him. Still, the former Dragon Lord wasn't unaffected; Spike's arms had considerable reach, and he'd managed to delver a solid blow to Torch's jaw. The larger dragon collapsed at the same time Spike landed on the ground, neither moving afterword.

A cold chill ran up Ember's spine as she feared the worst. "Are they…?"

"Oh, they're fine," Discord huffed. "Just knocked out." He snapped his fingers, vanishing from his safe spot and reappeared over the overgrown purple dragon's snout. "Wake-y wake-y, Spikey Wikey." he said, his voice taking on a very feminine tone. He brushed a paw over this face, changing into Rarity's. "You're…" He held back a roll of his eyes as he continued. "Lovely Rarity is here to make things all better."

Ember waited for a moment, breath caught in her throat as she watched Spike begin to open his eyes. For a long, tense moment, she was worried he'd fly back into a blind rage, but as the seconds dragged on, her worry slowly dissipated. While he didn't seem to be back to normal, it was miles better than the rampaging dragon he once was. Satisfied with how things were shaping up, Ember flew down to check up on her father.

The former Dragon Lord lay in a pile of rubble, still unconscious. Ember landed close to his snout, dwarfed now more than ever with the added growth he'd sustained, and gasped when she heard a deep rumble from the other dragon. Large eyes wearily opened as Torch slowly regained consciousness, and as his gaze focused Ember, the current Dragon Lord saw the edges of his mouth curl into a smile. She choked down a sob, and hugged her father's snout with her body,

On the opposite end of the crater, Discord, having done everything in his power to keep from gagging, finally began to see results. Spike's eyes had opened, the large dragon groggily looking at him with some manner of awareness. "It's about time," Discord muttered to himself, his voice still an imitation of Rarity's. He then cleared his throat and spoke directly to the dragon. "Wake up now, Spikey-wikey," he grumbled as he forced the term of endearment to sound sincere. "It's not nice to keep a lady waiting."

Spike's eyes snapped open, the familiar titter of his unicorn crush registering in his brain. But as he looked to the source of that noise, he noticed something immensely wrong. While his attention was drawn to the fire ruby held held in front of him, he couldn't help but notice the creature holding it. His senses were still amplified by his transformation, and he could practically smell the illusion magic coating the 'white pony'. In an odd form of clarity, one thought processed through his brain and solidified itself in his conscious, and, even in the midst of a greed growth cycle further along than his was in Ponyville, he managed to form words to express his displeasure.

"YOU STEAL FIRE RUBY FROM RARITY!!"

Discord was pushed back on the ground from the force behind Spike's roar, eyes wide as he returned to his normal self. Ember watched in shock as Spike loomed over Discord, emerald eyes alit with fury and focused on that fire ruby.

"Oh, that's not good," Discord flew off, Spike hot on his heels. The dragon ran on all fours, practically galloping across the valley, and it was only thanks to Discord's magically propelled flight that he was able to avoid getting skewered by Spike's claws. "Alright, so that's different," he mumbled to himself, dodging the dragon's snapping maw behind him. "He can see right through my disguises. That complicates things a tick."

While Discord was managing to hold his own, Ember saw the way he moved. Every dodge was by a hare's breath, either by his own design or from actual strain. Either way, she knew he wouldn't be able to dodge forever. She turned to her father, whose eyes where still focused on her, and patted his nose once again "I gotta go dad. My friends need me." She took off as fast as she could, missing her father reach out to her weakly.

Ember flew in front of the charging dragon, holding the Blood Ruby Scepter high. "Spike, as Dragon Lord, I order you to stop!" she yelled putting every once of strength into her voice to get it through to her friend.

Spike gave an unintelligible roar, and swatted Ember out of the sky.

Torch, who had recovered enough to raise his head, roared in fury at seeing his daughter batted away. He heaved himself back up and ran towards Spike, renewed anger in his eyes. But Spike was relentless. As soon as Torch rounded on him, he swung his right fist hard into the former Dragon Lord's snout, sending him careening into a large mountain. He didn't bother to check on the dragon, his sights still focused on the fleeing draconequus.

Ember got up shakily, dismayed at the turn of events. "This isn't working. Yelling at him isn't working, and fighting is just making it worse. He needs something to bring him back to the way he was, and to remind him of who he really is…" Her eyes widened, realization hitting her harder than Spike's blow had. "He needs a friend." Resolutely, she flew up high, heading towards the two as fast as her wings could carry her.

Discord was in a bind; Spike was constantly swiping his razor sharp claws at him, forcing him to twist and turn his serpent body out of Spike's reach. At one point, he even began using fallen rocks for cover, though it wasn't like that helped much. Spike's monstrous size let him charge through any and all obstacles that got in his way, leaving Discord effectively trapped.

It wasn't as though he had a problem escaping; one snap and he'd be right as rain back at the castle. But he knew he'd receive a chewing out for leaving Spike as he was, especially after putting him in that state in the first place. Plus, he did feel genuinely bad about making such a mistake. Not that he'd admit that to anyone, of course.

"Of all the things, who would've thought that a greed grown dragon would be extra magic resistant?" Discord said to himself as he dodged another claw aimed at him. "Although, saying it out loud does make it sound a little obvious." He pulled his tail back when Spike took another nip at him, his massive jaws shattering an unlucky boulder that had been in his path. "There's got to be something that will slow him down, but what…"

An idea hit him almost as fast as the claw did, but he managed to escape the worst of it, and righted himself in front of the furious dragon. Confused at his prey stopping, Spike skidded to a stop, and leered vehemently at Discord, his eyes showing that he was practically waiting for the mis-matched beast to make a wrong move.

"Look Spikey, I know you're mad at me for taking this without asking." He held the fire ruby in clear view, and noted how Spike's gaze centered on it. "And for that, I apologize. As proof, I shall send it back to its owner, safe and sound." He put a cloth over it and snapped his fingers. The lump underneath disappeared, and as he pulled away the cloth, he revealed the ruby was gone as well. "Ta-da!"

It was the wrong move to make.

Spike roared furiously, snarling at the draconequus. Something in his brain snapped, the spines on his back flaring as unrelenting fury coursed through his body. "YOU DESTROY RUBY!" he bellowed, the last vestiges of his sanity forgotten as his shout ended in a roar.

"Destroy!? No you dolt, I returned it to-" he didn't get much farther than that. Spike's large tail slammed into him, catapulting the unsuspecting draconequus into a large pile of rocks with a thunderous crash.

"Discord!" Ember cried, pushing her wings to fly her faster. "Are you alright!?"

"Did anypony get the number of that carriage?" Discord moaned from inside the rubble. "Sunday driver are the worst…"

Spike growled deeply as he approached the rubble, his mouth blazing with emerald fire. But before he could unleash the torrent of flames, Ember landed in front him, now with a pleading look in her eyes. She panted hard, willing herself to not tremble under the oppressive glare she found herself given. She knew what was at stake, and yelled at the top of her voice with all the conviction she could muster.

"Spike! I know you can hear me! Somewhere in there is the dragon that helped me realize that dragons don't have to be crazy, greedy hoarders!" She couldn't tell if her words affected Spike any, but the giant dragon had stopped for the moment. Ember continued, trying to bring up that odd yet pleasant feeling inside her when she remembered Spike helping his pony friends during the Gauntlet of Fire. "You're better than this, I know you are!"

The emerald fire died down, but Spike kept advancing forward, his eyes set on the rubble where Discord lay. Ember flew higher, desperate to keep his eyes on her.

"You said we were all friends!" she continued. "And friends forgive each other, even if they do something incredibly stupid!" She still didn't know if Discord was serious when he'd said that, but she was willing to try anything to reach Spike. "I know I'm still new to this 'friendship' thing, but I know what a typical dragon looks like. They're mean, cruel jerks who don't think of anyone but themselves! I didn't befriend that, Spike! I befriended the pony-lover who'd even give a jerk like Garble a second chance! So, I'm asking you as a friend, please stop!"

She held the bloodstone scepter close to her chest, and it glowed a soft gentle light that drew both dragons' attention towards it. Spike's eyes widened as the light shone brighter, his pupils slowly loosing their slitted edge and returning to the normal ones the baby dragon always had. He wobbled as sense slowly returned to him, and shook his head woozily.

"Wha-? Where am I?" He stopped short when he heard his own voice, several octaves deeper than it was before, and looked down at his much bigger body. "Woah! I'm big! And I can talk! But how?"

"Jusst thank your ole buddy Discord!" Discord slurred from the rock pile.

"Discord? Oh no! " He turned around to see the destruction his little jaunt had wrought, and gasped when he saw Torch lying in a literal mountain of rubble. He threw himself down before Ember, making the ground shake as he begged her forgiveness. "I'm so sorry, Ember! I didn't mean to hurt your dad! Please don't be mad at me!"

Before Ember could figure out how to respond to the blubbering dragon that was at least 10 times her size, Discord blew a raspberry.

"Oh, please. Like I said, he's fine," he said, walking beside Ember and looking none the worse for the wear. "If anything you've knocked the sense right back into him."

Discord vanished in a flash, but not before pointing to the once fallen Torch. The pair watched in stunned silence as the elder dragon woke up, looking like his regular self again. His eyes lit up as he caught sight of Spike and he grinned broadly at the big dragon.

"That was the best scuffle I've had in ages!" he roared joyously. "Where did you learn to throw a right hook like that?"

"Uhhh…instinct?" Spike said sheepishly, still not used to how deep his voice sounded.

"BWAHAHAH, this guy's a funny one!" he laughed and wrapped an arm around Spike. He paused as he took a quick look at the dragon. "Oi, you look familiar. Do I know you from somewhere?"

"I don't think so…" Spike said nervously. "I'm from… uuh, out of town…"

Torch scrutinized him for a while longer, his eyes narrowing and making Spike sweat. The tension was broken when he laughed again. "Well, be sure to visit more often. I haven't felt this good in ages!"

"Well…you have your daughter to thank for that," Spike managed to say. "She's the one who called me to help."

"Is that right?"

"Yeah," the younger dragon nodded quickly, hoping the tone Torch was using was a positive one. It was hard to tell when they all seemed to be on the verge of a growl. "She told me you weren't feeling well and asked me to come…spar with you!" he made a few half hearted jabs to prove his point, doing his best to hide how nervous he felt.

Torch eyed him for a moment, his gaze shifting between the two dragons for a moment, before he smiled broadly. "Ain't that sweet? My daughter giving her old man a sparring match for a 'get well' present. You've made your old man proud!" He paused to bow his head slightly. "And you've shown yourself to be a capable Dragon Lord."

Ember found her voice abandon her. Of all the things she'd ever think to have seen, her father congratulating her wasn't among them. She stood, dumbfounded, until Spike gave her a small tap with his tail.

"Ahh…uh… it was nothing, dad. Just… doing my part as Dragon Lord."

"That's my girl," Torch laughed again. "I'll admit, seeing you lead your first council made me yearn for the days when I was Dragon Lord. But seeing you handle yourself so well is an even better feeling." He let out a short snort. "But enough of all this mushy stuff. I've taken too much of you time. Especially when you have company over."

Both dragons could feel something more was being said, but neither could comment on it. Especially not when Torch seemed to approve so highly of…whatever it was he was seeing. Still, they both nodded to keep the bigger dragon in good spirits.

"Whatever you say, dad," Ember managed out.

Torch nodded and spread his massive wings to the sky. "Well, I best be off then. Take care, sweetheart!" He gave the two a small wave and took off.

"I've never seen my dad so happy," Ember said after he was out of earshot. "It was like he was an entirely different dragon."

"Sometimes all you need is a kick in the head to put you back in the right state of mind," Discord said from behind her. "Or a sock to the jaw."

His reappearing stunt spooked Ember, and she was about to go off on him again before Spike asked, "So, how long am I going to stay like this?"

Right as he finished uttering the last syllable, did he suddenly shrink, and Discord swooped in to catch the dragon before he could fall too far.

"First rule of comedy!" Discord laughed as he brought them down. "Timing!"

"Glad it stayed with me for as long as it did," Spike said as he jumped from the draconequus' grip. "I don't know how Torch would handle knowing he got beat up by a baby dragon."

"Well, I had every bit of confidence you would pull through!" Discord said haughtily. "Which is more than I can say for some dragons," he added, grinning slyly at Ember.

"Oh stick a charcoal in it!" Ember huffed. "I never took that bet!"

"Oh, alright, fine," Discord conceded. "I guess so long as you're happy, we can call it a win." He gave Spike a look. "So, what say you, little boy blue? An entire adventure where you ween't the butt of the joke. How's it feel?"

"You mean beside my entire body feeling like it got run over by a buffalo stampede?" Spike snarked. "I… guess it feels nice. Kinda wish I was more aware of it, though." He was about to chastise Discord for using his fire ruby as insurance when a thought popped into his head. "Wait… Was all this just to boost my confidence?"

Discord folded his arms over his chest, doing his best to look nonchalant. "Now why would you think that?"

Spike smiled up at the chaos lord, having been with him long enough to know that it was his way of saying 'yes'. "That was pretty cool of you,"

"Yeah well don't get used to it kid. It's more fun kicking someone off their pedestal, after all," Discord replied, grinning mischievously. A quiet snicker brought his attention to Ember, and he snorted right back. "And what are you laughing at?"

"Nothing," Ember said teasingly. "Just a little surprised to see you acting all buddy-buddy. Didn't think you had it in you."

"Yes, well, 'don't judge a book' and whatever. We all have our little side stories that help us realize new things about ourselves." Discord huffed dismissively. But after a moment of thought, he brightened up. "Speaking of, now that your land is safe, the dragon quelled and peace restored…" he turned toward Ember and pulled out a large, leather bound tome from behind him. "Wanna play Ogres and Oubliettes?"

Spike perked up as well, and gave a hopeful look. "Oh, say yes! You can join our raid party, and we can spend hours fighting against the evil forces of the squizard together."

Ember paused, then looked at the cover and smiled at what she saw; a large ogre bringing down his club on some unlucky villager. "I want to say yes…" she said, although hesitantly. "What are the rules?"

"Rules?" Discord asked, donning a pair of sunglasses. "Where we're going, we don't need rules." He paused for dramatic effect, but quickly rounded on Ember. "That's a lie, there's actually a ton of rules. Here's a primer!" He snapped another, larger tome into existence, which Ember barely managed to catch and hold onto.

"This feels like more than just a primer!" she grunted, flapping her wings hard to keep from falling to the ground.

"You gave her the full rule book?" Spike asked, astonished that Ember was able to even keep in the air with the thick book weighing her down. "But that just got a ton of revisions! Not to mention the added classes and locations and-"

"Trust me, it'll be quicker this way. So, Ember!" Discord loomed over the smaller dragon, his visage overshadowed by storm clouds. "Are you ready to enter the world of Ogres and Oubliettes?"

"Not as certain as I was a moment ago…" came her strained reply.

"Too late, no take backsies!" Discord giggled and spirited them all away with a snap of his fingers.

Author's Note

Apologies for the long wait! I figured I'd actually give this last segment a proper editing. Unfortunately for me, that means I end up being very nit-picky about it. But I'll save that rant for a journal. An epilogue is next, and who knows, maybe I'll chronicle Ember's adventures with guys night? Lemme know what ya think, and thanks for giving my story a look!