My First Best Friend

by Rated Ponystar

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad, Other
Length: 6946

For hundreds of years, Twilight has done amazing things, but has always felt something missing in her life. She finds what that is when she rediscovers an old friend.

For hundreds of years, Twilight Sparkle has managed to go through her life by working day and night as the sole ruler of Equestria. Sensing her life coming to an end, Twilight looks back at her achievements and believes like something is missing since the last of her loved ones died.

One day, Twilight finds some old relics with her great-great-great-great-great granddaughter with one of them being her old doll, Smartypants. Memories of the time she used to play with her favorite doll, even bringing it to life with a spell, flood her as long-buried emotions come out. It is with Smartypants that Twilight will find what she has been missing all this time.

***

Inspired by BerrryPAWNCH's Growing Pains Comic, who I thank for the permission to do this fic.

Thanks to my Editors: Darth Link 22, First Down, Chaotic Note, BronyWriter, and Socks

Published 2016-09-28 19:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-09-28 19:40:01 UTC

Never Forget Your First Friend

It’s not easy being a Princess of Equestria, much less so when you are the sole ruler of it. It’s been so long since I became an alicorn that I can barely remember the days before my ascension. Back when I had friends, family, and those I loved and cared about. I remembered it being so carefree and easy, while having multiple adventures with those who changed me over the years. They are all gone now; my friends, my apprentice, Spike, my brother, Cadance, Flurry Heart, even Celestia and Luna.

I was still here. I watched Equestria grow for over five hundred years into the empire it is today. What was once a land of green and mountains is now a land of skyscrapers, roads, and lights. From the leader of a single nation, I was now in charge of the world, the moon, and the various space stations orbiting high above. Instead of millions, I oversaw billions from every species: ponies, griffons, dragons, zebras and more. Every day is another day of work where the slightest decision I make will affect everyone.

I barely remember the last time I had a vacation, much less private time. I could have given it all up at some point many times. I had a backup plan for a new government hundreds of years ago that I made in my spare time. I could have abdicated, pulled in this new order, and peacefully lived the remaining years of my life.

Yet I didn’t. I still found myself working. I felt like I still had something to do, more to learn or teach, more to explore or discover, more to fix or change. I had forever made myself immortal in the eyes of history, done things that no other pony had done in a single lifetime. I slew evils, cured illnesses, built an empire, established a home beyond our own planet, even made a way for the sun and moon to move on their own.

I did this all alone.

Princess Celestia told me a few years after I became a princess that alicorns can feel when they are about to die. There is no age limit for us, it just happens when it’s time. A year after she told me this, my mentor passed away in her sleep. Cadance followed after my brother died of old age, Luna sixteen years later, and Flurry Heart just over two hundred years after her birth.

My friends, my parents, my husband, my children, and those in Ponyville I knew long ago passed away like all mortals do. Even Spike, the last one to leave me, died in a war against a rival dragon nation that invaded his and Ember’s home. It was the last time I remembered crying.

Now, at last, I am ready. I will die soon. I don’t know when it will happen. Could be days, months, or years but I felt it a while ago, and began making preparations for it. There are no other alicorns remaining in the world. I am the only one left and, most likely, I will be the last.

I wondered why I was cursed to live for so long when I dreamed of meeting up with everypony I loved again. Now, at last, my wish is coming true. I decided I would spend my final days just relaxing. My final preparations are done. The new government will come into play over the months after my death, and I trust those in power to see my vision of it become a reality.

My death will be the end of an age and the beginning of a new one. Yet, for some reason I am... unhappy. I don't understand why as I ponder at my desk, alone in my room. I watched the civilians below me drive in their cars and walk on the streets like nothing is wrong. I should have been happy that I will be passing on soon, but for some reason I felt uneasy about it. I was not scared of dying. I was not worried about the future without me. Yet I feel like I was missing something.

“Grandma Twilight!” I heard a voice call out to me and I turned around. A small smile decorated my face as a little filly, no older than six, entered my room with a hop and skip as her blue and lavender mane bounced up and down. Behind her, she levitated some kind of old chest that must have been from the attic, judging by the dust all over her white coat.

“Starwish,” I whispered as I gave my great-great-great-great-great granddaughter a hug. “Have you been searching in my attic again?”

“Yes, but there is all kinds of cool stuff in there! It’s so old, but awesome!” she said with the enthusiasm of a six year-old before opening the trunk. “Check what I found out!”

Deciding to humor her, I got up and looked inside. It was filled with old learning books for the elementary school level along with drawings that were most likely made by me when I was my granddaughter’s age. I also spotted some rulers, a chalkboard, and other sort of things that I simply chalked up as useless junk from a long time ago.

“Woah, look at this!” said Starwish as she levitated something out. “Is this a doll or something?”

I looked at what she had taken out and froze. As I stared at the object with wide eyes, my heart skipped a beat and I was suddenly back in my home, a little filly on her birthday.

She was raggedy, but the cloth was still strong. Her buttoned eyes of red and blue still stuck out, but that was part of her charm. Her moppy mane was still adorable and her cute white polka-dotted shorts stood out. It was a name the for hundreds of years I never muttered, never thought of, or even remembered until now.

“Smartypants...” I whispered.

***
“Happy Birthday, Twily!” said Shining Armor as he handed me my third gift of the day. I had already eaten my cake and played games with my friends from magic kindergarten such as pin the tail on the donkey and duck duck goose. It was the best birthday ever, I thought.

All too happy to get another present, I opened it with vigor and saw a doll inside. It wasn’t like the fluffy animal ones that Lemon Hearts had or the action ones Lyra liked. It was a raggedy pony with buttoned eyes.

I fell in love with her in an instant. Overjoyed, I levitated the doll out and gave her a strong hug. “What’s her name?!” I asked with joy.

“Smartypants! A smart little doll for a smart little sister like you,” Shining Armor answered as he rubbed my mane.

I showed all my friends my doll and they all loved her too. I held onto Smartypants for the rest of the party. Even when I went to sleep I still held on to her.

“We’ll be the best of friends forever,” I whispered to my dolly before I kissed her goodnight.

***

I slowly levitated the doll over and took her into my hooves. Staring into those buttoned eyes, I felt the world slowly fade away around me, like all sense of time had stopped. My doll. My Smartypants.

My First Best Friend.

***

I read the book one more time before deciding I had the spell prepared in my head. I had looked into this spell over forty times and counting, but I was ready. I had heard it was advanced magic, but I didn’t care. I wanted to do this.

I was going to make Miss. Smartypants come to life. Granted, it would only be for a short time, but even so it would be worth it. All my friends had gone to Summer Camps this year and I was left alone. Even Shining Armor was starting to hang out with his friends more than me. Cadance couldn’t always come to play, so I needed a new best friend. Luckily, I already had one. I just needed to make her come to life.

Thankfully, the animation spell was easy to find in the public library. I hoped I could do it before Mom and Dad came home.

Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and focused the magic in my horn. Gritting my teeth, I fired my magic into Miss Smartypants, and hoped that she would come out unharmed. I briefly opened my eyes, only to shut them again when the spell emitted a bright light.

When I could finally open them again, I gasped at what was staring at me with one red and blue eye. It was no longer a doll... but a little pony.

“Hi, Twilight! Do you want to play?!” asked Smartypants with the most adorable smile I had ever seen.

I instantly hugged her as I laughed with joy. She laughed too. We both laughed for so long I never wanted it to end.

***

“Grandma?”

Starwish’s voice woke me from my thoughts as I looked up and saw her staring at me. “Are you okay? You look sad.”

Sad? Was I? I didn’t know. I wasn’t sure what I was feeling. I just stared at the doll in front of me again before taking a deep breath to calm myself. “I’m fine... I just... I need some time alone. Please?”

“Um, okay. Daddy will want me back for dinner anyway,” said Starwish, as she headed towards the room. “I’ll leave you to play with the doll and all that stuff! Hope you have fun! Bye bye!” She gave a small wave and ran out the door.

I wondered if she knew something was wrong. She may have been a filly, but she was smart for her age. Gifted too, just like I was.

Just like we were.

***

“Two plus two equals?”

“Four!” said Smartypants as she wrote the answer on the sketchpad she had. She then erased it and drew a new equation. “Five minus three equals?”

“Two!” I shouted as I wrote the number on my mini-chalkboard. We had been doing math for nearly an hour and having so much fun. Smartypants loved to read and learn just like me. It was like I had a sister, only made out of fluff and stitches instead of flesh and blood. “Six plus four equals?”

“Ten! What about five times two?”

“Also ten!” I answered with a hop as Smartypants clapped her hooves.

“Wow, you really are smart, Twilight! Doing multiplication is hard!” said Smartypants.

“Well, you always have to do it every day to get used to it!” I said with a smile. “Plus it helps having a good friend to help you!”

“Aw, thanks!” said Smartypants as she walked over and hugged me. She then looked at the clock and asked, “Do you want to have some tea? We’ve been doing math for an hour.”

“Sure! We can have a tea party!” I said as we walked side by side to my tea party set nearby. We actually had real tea to use that Mom always made. I found myself liking it a lot, but Smartypants loved it with a lot of sugar. After pouring us both a cup, we toasted and drank in silence.

“Are you nervous about your exam tomorrow?” asked Smartypants as she poured more sugar into her tea.

“Yeah, what if I’m not good enough?” I asked, biting my lip. Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns was the biggest and most amazing school I had ever heardof. It was very hard to get in; you had to be super smart and talented.

“You are good enough!” said Smartypants, placing her hoof on mine. “Trust me. I can think of no smarter unicorn who deserves to be in that school than you! I know you're smart. I know you better than anypony out there!”

“But... but...” I began to get teary eyed. “What if I fail? What if I’m not good enough or I mess up? What if I shame my parents... I...”

Suddenly, Smartypants got out of her seat and rushed over to hug me. I stopped crying in an instant as she squeezed as hard as her stuffed arms could. “You’ll be okay. And if you are scared or hurt or sad, I’ll just hug you until you feel better,” she said, smiling at me. “Do you feel better?”

A smile decorated my lips. “A little.”

***

“Woah, and he came from an egg?!” asked Smartypants as she stared at Spike for the first time. The baby dragon cooed and reached out for Smartypants’ mane causing her to laugh at the feeling of his claws. “Hey, that tickles!”

I smiled as I watched my best friend and new baby brother interact. Smartypants made goofy faces at him while Spike cheered and giggled, clapping his tiny claws together for more. “Princess Celestia says I get to help take care of him. He’s going to be my new baby brother.”

“That’s so cool!” said Smartypants, smiling at Spike as he began to suck his thumb. “Does this mean he gets to play and learn with us too?!”

“Of course! A brand new study buddy!” I said cheerfully.

“Yay!” we both said at the same time. Spike even gave out his own little yay, but it was in the form of a burp.

***

How long... how long had it been since we talked? Since I even thought of Smartypants? Everything I had in front of my desk that I was working on seemed pointless now. All that mattered was the little doll I used to treasure more than any of the books I had. A small pain in my chest started to grow as I began to feel something that I hadn’t felt in a long time.

Guilt.

***

“Bwahaha! You shall never defeat me, Magical Knight Sparkle!” shouted Spike as he stood on top of the book fort we made earlier. He had his blanket wrapped around his neck while doing his best to look fearsome and pretending to breathe fire. He was still too young to puff out more than a few embers, but Princess Celestia said he would get stronger as he got older. It was really hard to raise Spike, but he had been the little brother I’ve always wanted. Smartypants helped, too. She loved Spike and considered him a friend as well. He was also the only one who knew that Smartypants could come to life with the spell I used.

Currently, Smartypants was in the book fort, wearing a paper crown and pretending to be sad. “Oh, save me! Sir Sparkle, please save me!”

I stepped forward, holding a paper towel roll as a sword while using a pillow with my magic as a shield. “Don’t worry, Princess Smartypants! I shall save you!” I dashed forward and used my rear legs to kick the doors open. Spike growled and jumped towards me but I stabbed him with the fake sword causing him to back up and grip his chest.

“Arguh! You got me! I’m done for! Curse you, Magical Knight Sparkle!” cried out Spike before he fell on his back, pretending to be dead.

“Yay! My hero!” shouted Smartypants as she jumped into my hooves and laughed. It was so easy to carry her now that I was a teenager.

One good thing as I got older was that I could keep the spell going on much longer. Soon one hour had turned to five hours and then to ten. That gave me so much time to play, read, and talk with Smartypants. Sometimes, on weekends, I'd spend the whole day with her. If any of the other students saw me doing this at my age they would make fun of me, but I didn’t care. Even if it was foalish, playing with Smartypants was always fun.

“Did you have fun, Spike? Spike?” I asked only to snort in amusement when I saw him snoring. He was always such a big sleeper. I took him to his bed with my magic and tucked him in while Smartypants started putting all the books away.

“How did you do in your test by the way?” asked Smartypants as I joined in to help.

“An A+ as usual,” I proudly proclaimed. “Thanks for being my study buddy.”

“What are friends for?” said Smartypants before she picked up a book. “Hey, I don’t think we’ve read this one together yet!”

“Really?” I picked it up and looked at the cover. “The Legend of Mare In The Moon? Sounds like fun! Let’s read it!”

“Yay! Reading time!” shouted Smartypants as she jumped into bed and I soon entered the covers. “Can I read the first chapter this time?”

“Of course. Go ahead,” I said as I let her speak the first words of the book. We held each other until we both fell asleep with smiles on our faces.

***

So lost was I in the memories of my youth that I soon realized it was time for dinner. I didn’t feel like eating, so I told my guards they could leave me for the night. It's not like I needed food or protection anymore. They were just simple courtesies that I never saw need to abandon. There were times when I fasted for days with no ill effects thanks to my alicorn metabolism. As for guards, the last true challenge to my rule was Grogar the Necromancer and his vast undead army. That was one hundred and fifty years ago, so one night wasn't going to worry me.

Yet while I could fight against an army of undead monsters with no fear in my eyes or hesitation, I couldn’t help but look upon an old doll with such mixed feelings that I felt, for lack of a better word, lost. Lost on what to think and what to do. It was a doll, wasn’t it? She wasn’t real. Not... real... or was she?

Smartypants laughed, cried, and loved just like any other pony when I used the spell. She could think, choose, and reason. She felt pain, she felt love, she... she was my friend. My comfort.

The one I always needed when I was scared.

***

It was so strange. For so many years, I would go to sleep staring at the ceiling of the castle and would wake up to it as well. However, this time I was staring at the ceiling of a tree house, literally, where I would wake up in a town I had just moved into. Everything that had happened in less than twenty-four hours since I read that book about Nightmare Moon ran through my head all at once. I had friends. New friends that I already treasured despite knowing them less than a day. I guess when facing down a god-like being for the fate of the world, you tend to go with the flow, as they say.

Nightmare Moon. The dark and corrupted being that was once Princess Luna, my mentor’s sister. She was now free from her darkness and would soon recover with Princess Celestia’s aid. I wished them both the best. I couldn’t even think of what it would be like if I hadn’t had Shining Armor, Spike, or Smartypants for a thousand years.

Even though the evil side of Luna was gone, dead, or banished I still felt terrified just thinking about her. I could have been killed so many times, but with my friends and the power of friendship I was able to survive. Yet, that wasn’t what was truly scaring me. I sat up in my new bed and looked around the library that was my new home as a gift from Mayor Mare.

It felt so... strange.

I was sleeping a living in a place wasn’t the Princess’s tower or my own room back in my parents’ house. For the first time, I was completely on my own. Well, not entirely on my own. Spike was sleeping in the basket Rarity gave him as a welcoming present. Still, I didn’t want to bother him when he looked so peaceful in his slumber.

Thankfully, I had another friend. Princess Celestia had gotten some guards to bring my stuff from the tower and she was inside one of them. Tiptoeing down the staircase, I made my way to one of my trunks and quietly unlocked it. Smartypants was inside and within moments I brought her to life.

“Hi, Twilight!” she said but I quickly put my hoof to her lips.

“Shhh, Spike’s sleeping,” I whispered.

“Oh, sorry,” Smartypants whispered back before she looked around in awe. “Wow, I’ve never seen this library before. And you’ve taken me to all the ones in Canterlot.”

I giggled. “That’s because this library isn’t in Canterlot. We’re in Ponyville. You remember where that is on the map, right?”

“Yup! It’s not to far from Canterlot. Why are we here?” she asked, tilting her head.

“It’s a long story,” I said as I took her to the dining room table and began to tell her everything.

She watched with wide and excited eyes as my tale of adventure seemed to capture her imagination. By the time I was done, she was clapping her hooves and looking at me like I was some kind of legendary hero of old. “Wow! That’s amazing! You managed to stop an evil alicorn, save the world, and make new friends in the process! That’s like, super amazing!”

“I guess it really is amazing, huh?” I said. “I still can’t believe that I did all that. I still can’t believe I made so many new friends...”

“Tell me about them. Are they going to play and learn with us?” asked Smartypants.

“Well, first there is Applejack...”

***

The memory in my head ended. I blinked in confusion and tried to remember more. Surely there was more.

I then realized that I never told my friends about Smartypants and neither did Spike. Why didn’t I tell them? Why didn’t I tell anypony? Did I... leave her out on purpose? Was I ashamed? I tried to think of other memories of our time in Ponyville, but each time I saw a scene of us talking, playing, or reading it was replaced by something I did with one of my friends that day.

The more I thought about my time in Ponyville, the less I could remember Smartypants. There was the incident with the “Want it Need it” spell; I could remember that. There was the time she was in awe when I became a princess and said it was like the games we used to play. But...

When did I start forgetting her altogether? When did I push away my oldest friend?

I looked at the doll in my hooves and felt my lip tremble. How long had it been since I used the spell that made her come to life? Does she even remember me? Does she hate me for letting her be forgotten for so long?

There was only one way to find out. At that moment, I felt more scared to cast such a simple spell than I did when I cast the spell that allowed the sun and moon to move on their own.

With a deep breath, I let my horn glow as the spell went into effect and the doll I held soon transformed into the filly that used to be my best friend growing up. Her different colored eyes looked at me with excitement as a smile grew on her face. “Hi, Twilight! You ready to do math like you promised?”

No words could describe how I felt at that moment while she innocently stared back at me. How? How could she look at me with such happy eyes? Did she not know what happened? What I did?

Tilting her head, Smartypants asked, “Did you get taller?”

I nodded.

“Wow, you must be as big as Princess Celestia!” said Smartypants with a giggle. “I bet she has to look up to talk to you now.”

“... Princess Celestia passed away years ago...” I whispered, not knowing why I said that.

Smartypants gasped while covering her mouth. “Oh my... that’s terrible... Princess Luna must be devastated...”

“... she’s gone too...”

“S-she is? Um, what about Cadance? Shining Armor? Your friends?”

I didn’t need to voice an answer because my tears were already speaking for me. I had long steeled my heart to prevent any pain from the fact that those I loved were gone. But as Smartypants listed them one by one, I felt each defense I had built over the years crumble to dust.

“Twilight?” asked Smartypants. “Is Spike also... gone?”

Spike.

My little brother. My friend. Taken away from me when I should have gone first.

I nodded again, gritting my teeth in anger. I wanted to end the spell. Get her to shut up. To stop speaking names that meant nothing anymore.

“... how long has it been since you brought me back?”

My eyes widened as my brain finally came up with a memory.

***

So much to do. So little time. It was hard for me to even sleep as more and more demands from the growing city started to form around my castle and pile up on my desk. I rubbed my forehead and sighed. “I really should think about making a cloning spell. That way they can do the work for me.”

A knock on the door woke me from my paperwork as it opened up, revealing Cheerilee who held my old Smartypants doll in her mouth. She came over and placed it on the desk. “Thanks for letting me borrow, Smartypants, Princess Twilight. My daughter should be getting her own stuffed animal back tomorrow, good as new.

“No problem. Tell her I wish her well,” I said with a smile, allowing Cheerilee to smile back and leave. I turned to Smartypants, curious as to how the play date went.

One quick spell answered that. “Hi, Twilight!”

“Hey, Smartypants. How was playing with Apple Glee?” I asked.

“It was great! She’s really smart! Reminds me of the times we used to do math together,” she replied with a cheerful smile.

“Yeah, those were the days...” I whispered as the nostalgic years filled my head. What I would give to be a little filly again.

“You know, it’s been a long time. Do you want to do math together?” asked Smartypants with a smile.

I looked at the paperwork surrounding me and sighed. “I’m sorry, Smartypants. I have too much work. Maybe next time?”

“Okay! I’ll just wait for you,” she said before I cancelled the spell. Without a second glance, I used my magic to teleport her into the trunk I always kept her in and went back to work.

***

The memory played over and over again in my head. It drilled into me as I felt the dam in my eyes threatening to burst with each replay. I looked down at my friend... my first best friend, who looked at me with such an innocent yet confused expression. I tried desperately to see if I ever let her out since that day. Maybe to show my own children or grandchildren or great-grandchildren? To teach a few fillies and colts when I went to visit a kindergarten class as a guest speaker? For comfort for the loved ones I lost? Even just think about her for one second of her existence instead of just forgetting her like some piece of trash?!

“Twilight?” asked Smartypants, frowning as she tilted her head. “Why are you crying?”

I slowly lifted a hoof and felt tears flowing down my cheeks. I can’t remember the last time I cried. I can’t remember the last time I let the princess mask I meticulously crafted over the years crack like this.

I can’t remember when I felt... sad.

Before I knew it, I fell to the floor in tears. I wailed. I cried. I screamed apology after apology. My magic reacted to my emotions and soon enough everything in my entire room exploded into a mess. The guards tried to enter my room but I shouted them to leave me alone. They must have been scared because they didn’t bother me the rest of the evening.

I lay there, wallowing in my own guilt of how horrible I had been to my oldest friend. I was the Princess of Friendship. I had slain enemies of darkness and evil that even the ancient alicorns couldn’t beat. I had helped transcend the world into a united world power that was now expanding the stars themselves. I had mastered all the known magic in the world, many of the unknowns, and could even create magic of my own if I wanted to. I was in, in almost every quality, a living god-like being.

And all I wanted to do was cry and live under a rock in my shame and failure.

For a long time, I just sat there, sobbing, my mane ruined and my feathers ruffled. I didn’t know what to do, what to say or even think. I was just so useless.

And then I felt it.

Warmth. A small warmth but powerful, like a thousand burning suns. I slowly opened my eyes and looked down. There, doing her best to wrap her hooves around my large barrel, was Smartypants. I just stared at her for so long as she continued to hold me tight.

“W-w-wh...why?” I asked.

“I told you. If you are scared or hurt or sad, I’ll just hug you until you feel better,” said Smartypants, as she looked up and gave a loving smile at me. “Do you feel better?”

The tiniest crack of a smile decorated my face.

“A little...”

***

I held on to her and told her everything I could. I was surprised I was able to give my whole life in less than three hours, but I did it. By the time we finished, the sun was down and the two of us were on my bed, hugging and talking.

“... I’m sorry,” I repeated for what had to be the millionth time that day. “Everything seemed to just get so busy, like there was always something to do. I just... I could have stopped, made even five minutes to just talk... but I just buried myself into work. Maybe it was my way of dealing with Spike’s death. Maybe it was just my way to deal with everything in my life. And yet no matter how much I pushed myself to work and work, I never felt any better...”

“... Well, you know what you have to do, right?” Smartypants said as I looked down with a raised eyebrow. “Fix the problem.”

“Fix the problem? How?” I asked.

“Easy! Just have fun again!” she said with a smile.

“Have... fun again?” I asked as if the very word of ‘fun’ was so alien to me. I couldn’t help but feel like Smartypants was channeling Pinkie Pie for a moment.

“Yup! You just need a reminder! Here!” said Smartypants as she jumped off of my hooves and made her way to the old school stuff that Starwish found earlier. She took a mini chalkboard, some chalk, and drew a simple question before presenting it to me. “What’s 2 + 2?”

2 + 2...

A question I could solve in a second.

I once had to figure out the proper equation to send rockets into space where the slightest error could cause untold disaster.

And here I was being asked what 2 + 2 was.

... I snorted.

Then I giggled.

And then I laughed.

I laughed so hard that I nearly fell off my bed. Holding my sides, I continued to laugh until I managed to give a single answer.

“F-F-Four!”

“Yup!” said Smartypants before she gave me the chalkboard. “Your turn!”

A smile stretched across my face for the first time in ages. It felt so strange, but so familiar. Like I was meeting a long lost friend.

I wrote a question: “5 - 5 = ?”

“Zero!” said Smartypants, clapping her hooves.

“Correct!” I shouted with joy. Not a fake joy, but a real one from deep in my heart.

We gave each other more math questions, from adding to subtracting, and even multiplication and division. We used the spelling cards to put together words or just make up random silly ones like “Oobajuba” and “Neebakpa”. We opened up the old picture books I had as a child, still in good condition surprisingly, and read the stories of the adventures of Sir Megan and her Rainbow Ponies of Love against the evil Dark Wizard. I ended up acting as the Dark Wizard while Smartypants ended up as the Heroes.

I don’t know how but then we got into a pillow fight and reenacted the battle at the end, I must have been mad. If anypony saw me they would think the same thing. But I was laughing. I was smiling.

I was alive!

***

Eventually, fatigue set in and I held my favorite doll and oldest friend against my chest as I snuggled against my pillow. There were tears again in my eyes, but they were not of sorrow or guilt like before. They were of joy. I was smiling because for the first time in such a long time I felt legitimately good.

“I told you! You just need to learn how to have fun again!” said Smartypants, nuzzling my chest.

“Yeah... I guess even I still need to learn lessons at my age...” I whispered, stroking her mane. I frowned upon realizing something. “... You’ll go back to being a doll again.”

“Yeah, but it was fun to play again, wasn’t it?” asked Smartypants, as if she wasn’t bothered by this.

“Yes, but... I don’t want this to end,” I whispered, hugging her tighter. “I want to play with you again. I want to read with you. I want to explore the world with you and show you everything. I don’t... I don’t want to be alone again...”

Smartypants didn’t answer me, but she then looked up and I saw, in perhaps the first time since I could remember, a serious expression on her face. It was like she was suddenly a teacher and I was a student again. “Twilight, do you know what I do when I’m a doll?”

I blinked and shook my head. I never thought about it once.

“I dream,” whispered Smartypants. “I dream of everything we’ve done since you first made me come to life. I see it over and over again, but I never feel bad because those memories are what make me happy. When I see those memories, they make me feel like I’m with you and you’re with me. That way, I never feel alone.” She then gently touched my heart. “You miss them all, don’t you?”

I slowly nodded my head.

“They’re still inside you. All the memories you have of them. All the good and bad. Sure, it might be painful at first, but if you think about it, dreams and memories of those we love and care about make sure we don’t ever feel alone. Because I think that is what real friendship and love is. Being there to be recalled whenever we want to think about it.”

It was as if I had gotten my cutie mark again. The revelation of what I had been missing for so long finally hit me. I thought to Applejack and her family making me welcome the first day we met. Rainbow Dash, flying to my rescue with the rest of the girls when the balloon popped when we visited her at the Wonderbolts Academy. Rarity, making my birthday dress in Canterlot before the big party in the castle. Pinkie Pie, who laughed the scary wood faces away with joy and song. Fluttershy, who helped tame Discord (who left Equestria forever after Fluttershy died) and turned him into a friend. And Spike... Spike whose first words were my name.

They were gone, but they were not forgotten. I wasn’t alone. They were inside of me. In my memories. In my heart.

This time I gave what Pinkie Pie would surely call a ‘true smile’ in all sense of the words as I hugged my friend. “Smartypants... thank you...”

We didn’t say anything else for the rest of the night. We just sat there and hugged, dreaming of the fun times we had together growing up. I dreamed of the ones I loved and this time it was not out of grief.

It was out of remembrance.

***

Dawn’s first light came and I groaned as I slowly woke up to greet the day. Smacking my lips, I looked around my disaster-filled room and winced. “Oh, right. Forgot about that.” A single spell later and everything was cleaned up; as if last night’s emotional outburst never happened.

Remembering about last night, I looked to my side to see Smartypants was once again a doll. The spell having ended when I fell asleep. I gently took her into my arms and smiled. “Thank you.” I gave her a hug and was about to let her come back to life again when the door knocked. “Who is it?”

“It’s me, Grandma Twilight!” shouted Starwish from behind the doors. With a smile, I opened them with my magic and she strolled in, looking around my room as if she was expecting something else. “Huh, the guards said you were causing a ruckus last night. But everything looks fine.”

A blush decorated my cheeks before I got up walked over to my Great “insert the amount of times” Granddaughter, giving her a nuzzle on the cheek. “How are you this morning?”

“Great, but...” she gave a rejected sigh. “I asked a few girls at my school on my way here if they wanted to play later today. They said they were too busy.”

I patted her head and gave a sympathetic smile. “I’m sure you’ll find a friend soon... in fact...” I turned to my bed and a thought came to me. “I think I have a friend that would be great for you.”

Walking over to my bed, I summoned Smartypants and showed it to Starwish. Her eyes lit up. “This is the doll I found yesterday!”

“Yup, her name is Smartypants! And she’s the smartest doll ever! When I was your age, I had her as my best friend and she helped me become as smart as I am today,” I said with a smile.

“Really?! Wow, does she know math? Science? History?!” asked Starwish, bouncing up and down while never keeping her eyes off the doll.

“All that and more. You can teach her a few things and I’m sure she can teach you a few things in return,” I said with a soft smile. “She taught me an important lesson last night.”

“Really, what did she teach you?” asked Starwish, tilting her head.

“That you’re never too old to stop living your life,” I replied with a small sigh. “Now there is a special spell to her. I want you to watch so you can learn to do it without me. Ready?” She nodded her head enthusiastically before I concentrated on the giving life spell. In a split second, Smartypants came to life, and Starwish stared as if Santa Hooves had appeared before her.

With a joyful tune her in voice, Smartypants waved her hoof. “Hi, Twilight! Hi, Starwish! You wanna be friends?!”

“Eeeeee!” screamed Starwish as she clapped her hooves. “She knows my name!” She used her magic to summon Smartypants over to her and hugged her tight. “Yes! I wanna be friends!”

“Great! We’re gonna be best friends!” shouted Smartypants with joy.

Looking down upon the two, I saw Starwish soon replaced with a younger me who received the best gift she ever got in her entire life. I patted the two of them on the head and gave them a smile. “Why don’t you two get to know each other for the whole day? Later, I’ll take you both for ice cream and we can have a tea party afterwards.”

“That sounds great! Come on, Smartypants! I’m going to show you my room! We got lots of books!” cried out Starwish as she rushed out the room. “Bye Grandma!”

Smartypants turned around as she wrapped her arms around Starwish light and shouted, “See you later, Twilight!”

I gave a small wave as they left the room. I was alone again.

No, I wasn’t alone. And I wasn’t going to spread the last remaining years I had alone doing nothing. I was still alive. I was still Twilight Sparkle. When was the last time I had opened a new adventure or mystery book? When was the last time I saw a movie or a play? I could go out and interact with other ponies. I could make new friends. I had everything in the world to explore and enjoy not just as a princess... but as Twilight Sparkle.

Making a reminder to let my scheduler know I was taking a long vacation, I went out in my balcony and took in the sight of Canterlot. I had seen it so many times, but for some reason, on this day it looked really beautiful.

Life looked beautiful.