Pinkie Tales

by Unicop

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Pie Sisters, Comedy, Random, Maud Pie, Pinkie Pie, Slice of Life, Crossover, Sex, Human
Length: 2505

Pinkamena is a bitter and quick tempered High School student. She constantly picks fights with her sister's and all of her classmates as well.

Pinkamena is a bitter and quick tempered High School student. She constantly picks fights with her sister's and all of her classmates as well. All this is about to change however as her favorite My Little Pony figuring Pinkie Pie comes to life, promising to teach her about the Magic of Friendship.

Will Pinkamena learn to get along with her sisters and classmates? Or will her new talking pink party pony simply drive her insane?

Published 2016-09-25 02:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-09-26 00:04:36 UTC

Chapter 1

“Pinkamina Diane Pie, that has got to be the stupidest name of all time!” I said to no one in particular as I poured myself a bowl of Cherry-O’s.

“Hey, try being named Limestone, it’s five times worse!”

“Maybe, but yours does fit your salty personality.” I jibe, sticking my tongue out at my younger sister as she joined us at the table. Limestone replied by giving me a rather rude hand gesture, which unfortunately for her was seen by Maude.

“Now, now, would it kill you three to get along!” Maude chided in her usual monotone voice. “What would mom and dad have to say if they were still with us?”

“…I really miss Mommy and Daddy” my youngest sibling Marble gloomily stared at her own bowl of cereal.

“Me too.” Limestone agreed.

“Yea, but I bet they don’t miss you.” I add offhandedly “I know I wouldn’t!”

Limestone jumped out of her chair prepared to tackle me, Marble burst into tears, I jumped out of my own seat prepared to take on Limestone, and Maude got in between us. Her expression and monotone voice stayed the same, but there was venom in her voice as she addressed us. “That’s enough! Don’t you both have school in an hour? Now go to your rooms and finish getting ready!”

“Yes MUM!” I slouched to my room as Maude shot me a look. After marching upstairs I slammed my door shut with a bang. Jumping onto my bed I lay sprawled on my back staring vacantly at the ceiling above me. My entire room was painted a dull grey, cracks and cobwebs adorned the walls and crevasses. I glanced out of the window by my desk, the sky was cloudy and a light fog limited visibility by five feet. A loud knock on my door jarred me out of my doldrums, as I busied myself with grabbing my school things. “I’m almost ready, sheesh!” I say as Maude opens the door.

“That wasn’t very nice what you said to your sisters!” Maude lectured as I tried to get past her.

“Limestone was asking for it!” I shot back “And it’s not my fault Marble’s such a cry baby!”

“Still I wish you and Limestone would get along more often, both with each other and your classmates as well. I’m tired of being called to your schools because you pushed someone off the bleachers or something.”

“If you are talking about that incident with Twilight she was literally asking me to shove her off the bleachers.”

“Somehow I highly doubt that!” Maude gave me disapproving look.

“Well she was talking about fancy mathematics or something, but my brain translated it as please push me off the bleachers, I deserve it for being such an annoying dork!” I admitted with a smirk “Now if you will excuse me I am going to be late for my first day at school.” With that I marched past Maude and made my way downstairs grabbing my lunch.

“I’m glad to see you are excited about starting High School.” Maude joined us in the kitchen.

“Of course, I don’t have to go to the same school as twiddle dumb and twiddle dee this year.” I remark as Limestone gave me a dark look of deep hatred.

“Just try not to get in detention on the first day.”

“I’ll try, but I give no promises.” I say exiting the house.

“Miss Pie!!”

I’m immediately pulled out of my slumber as I find myself looking up at my sixth period Math teacher.

“Can I help you?” I ask halfheartedly.

“You can help by taking my class more seriously, and not sleeping in the middle of my lecture!” she snapped.

“It’s kind of hard to be serious while staring up your nose” I reply seriously “You have more hair in there then my uncle’s armpits!”

The entire class erupted in laughter. The teacher was about to reply, but whatever she was about to say was abruptly cut off by the bell ringing. I quickly grabbed my bags and made my exit before the teacher could regain her wits, supposing she even had any. I grabbed my stuff out of my locker, stuffed it in my bag, and was about to turn around and leave when I found my way blocked by a Purple and White haired girl wearing a frilly dress and a sneer.

“Leaving so soon Pie?”

“Class ended five minutes ago, or have you not learned how to tell time yet?” I tried to walk around her but she moved to block me again.

“So word is your new around here, is that right?”

“Yes, and I’ve also heard word your dimmer then a one-watt lightbulb” I rolled my eyes in annoyance “Were you not paying attention in homeroom when our teacher introduced me?”

The girl growled in annoyance. “Watch it newbie” she poked me with her index finger “I’ll have you know I’m actually quite a big deal around here, I can make your life here a living hell if you don’t treat me with respect!”

“I’ll keep that in mind!” I finally manage to push past her and make my way toward the exit, all the way there I can feel her glare burning a hole into my skull.

Later that evening I find myself having a somewhat quite dinner with my siblings, Maude inquiring each of us about our first day in our new schools. “And then we spent most of the day getting our books and stuff.” Limestone finished moodily.

“Did you remind your teacher you need all your books from the For Dummies section?” I tease earning a glare from Limestone.

“Pinkamena!” Maude warned giving me a dark look. “So how was your first day at high school?”

“Fine” I reply “We spent most the day signing forms and getting lectured. Though it really made me hate how long my name is, when I’m old enough I’m totally changing it to something shorter!”

“Great, how about Big Bertha?” Limestone suggested seriously “It would fit your abnormally large melons.”

I decked Limestone and Maude sent me to my room.

“I really don’t understand why you and your sisters can’t get along?” Maude scolded me later that evening.

“Limestone started it!” I shot back grumpily.

“Well you’re sure as hell finished it, you’re lucky you didn’t knock any of her teeth out this time!”

“Hey I did her a favor when I knocked her buck teeth out, nobody’s called her beaver face ever since!”

“YOU were the only one calling her beaver face!” Maude reminded me raising an eyebrow.

“Yea, but I stopped after I knocked her teeth out didn’t I?”

Maude rolled her eyes again, then she brought her arms from behind her back and handed me a small box.

“What’s this?” I ask taking the box in question and examining it.

“A gift for getting through the first day of school.” Maude replied. “I probably shouldn’t be giving it too you after tonight, but I already gave Limestone her’s, so call me a sucker I guess.” She gave me a kiss on the cheek and turned to leave. “Don’t stay up too late, you got another busy day of school in the morning!” With that she left closing the door behind her. Unwrapping the box in find myself face to face with a My Little Pony figuring, Pinkie Pie to be specific. My love of My Little Pony was one of my deepest darkest secrets, one that Limestone mercilessly mocked me for even though she secretly still loved it as well.

Walking over to my desk I open the box removing the figurine and placed it with the other ones in my collection. Taking off my school cloth’s I decided to just go to bed with a long T-shirt and under shorts. I crawled into bed and no sooner had my head touched the pillow I found myself whisked away dreaming about pastel colored ponies, and Pinkie turning my annoying family into rainbow colored cupcakes.

Chapter 2

…Beep…..Beep…Bee…

My hand lazily reaches out and shuts off the alarm on the third beep. Sitting up I bring the alarm to my face and see the time reads 6:00. “What a stupid time of day to have to get up five times a week” I sight to myself. Slinking out of bed I stretch my arms and head to the bathroom.

After a quick shower and dental hygiene, I thrown on a random T-shirt and jeans, and then begin looking for my pink headband. “I could have sworn I left it here on my dresser last night”. Shrugging I open my dresser to pick out a new one. Inside a small pink horse is sitting in the middle of my closet, it picks up one of my headbands in her mouth and hands it too me. “Thanks” I mutter sleepily before closing the door.

“Waaaaaaaaaaait a min….” I bolt open the door again, and the horse is still there. It’s rather small for a horse, it had a cartoonish face with blue eyes, and poofy pink hair. For some reason it was also wearing one of my jackets which was big enough to cover her entire body, and a backwards baseball cap.

I blink twice and close the door.

I open it back up and the horse is still there smiling at me.

I close it again and count to five.

I open it and it’s still there

“This is a weird game, what do you call it?” it asks

“GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAJJJJJJJJJJJ!!!!!!!!!!!” I scream at the top of my lungs running down the stairs. “THERE’S A TALKING HORSE THING IN MY CLOSET!!!” I scream at Maud as soon as I reach the kitchen. “IT’S WEARING MY CLOTH’S, AND IT’S PINK!!!” I wave my arms in the air while Maud, Limestone, and Marble look at me with bewilderment.

“Wow, Pinkamena’s totally lost it!” Limestone commented rolling her eyes.
“I’M NOT CRAZY I’M TELLING THE TRUTH!!” I scream at her. She sticks her tongue out at me in response.

“Pinkamena what on earth are you going on about?” Maud asks getting in between Limestone and I before a fight could commence.

“WERE YOU NOT LISTENING?” I scream “PINK TALKING HORSE!! IN MY CLOSET!!! IT’S WEARING MY CLOTHING!!! AND DID I MENTION IT TALKS??”

“Pinkamena if this is some clever ploy to get out of going to school, it’s your worst one yet!” Maud chides me rolling her eyes.

“No I’m being serious!! Really!!” I try but Maud shakes her head and points to the table.

“Just please eat your breakfast and get ready for school, I’ve got a lot to do today.”

I huff in annoyance and finish my breakfast in silence before rushing back to my room. Upon arriving I quickly open the closet door again, but the pink horse thing is gone. “Huh, guess it was just my imagination after all!” I shake my head in dismay and grab my bag before shutting the door. I turn around and find the pink horse thing jumping up and down on my unmade bed.

“Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, this is fun!!” it laughs as it does a somersault in midair.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!” I scream as I drop my bag in shock. The horse thing stops and gives me a confused look.

“What’s wrong with you silly, you act like you’ve never seen a talking horse before?”

Just then Limestone knocks on the door and enters “Hey Pinkamena, can I borrow your brush for a sec? I can’t find mine.”

“LOOK, IT’S THE HORSE THING, IT’S ON MY BED!!!”

Limestone gives me a funny look as she brushes her hair in my mirror. “Are you still on about that? I don’t see anything.”

I give her an incredulous look. “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON’T SEE ANYTHING, IT’S RIGHT THERE BOUNCING ON MY BED!!! THE PINK THING, KIND OF LOOKS LIKE A HORSE, BIG POOFY HAIR, WOULD IT HELP IF I POINT?” I gesture frantically at the horse but Limestone continues to give me a deadpan look.

“Ok I don’t know what the hell you’re on right now, but I REALLY don’t have time to deal with your crap.” She leaves shaking her head in dismay, and I round on the horse thing.

“Ok what are you and what do you want!”

“I’m Pinkie Pie, I’m a pony silly!” it says giggling.

Dumbfounded I look over to my desk where I had placed my Pinkie Pie figure the previous night before, only to find it’s missing. Several of my other figurines are overturned, and there are hoof marks all over my desk. “Whoa wait, you’re the Pinkie toy Maud gave me last night?”

Pinkie nods feverishly.

“But how is that even possible?”

“I dunno” Pinkie shrugs “Magic I guess?”

“Magic doesn’t exist!” I deadpan.

“Says the person talking to a talking pink horse!” Pinkie reminds me in a sing song voice.

“Ok good point.” Then another thing occurs to me “Wait, how come only I can see or hear you?”

Pinkie just shrugs again.
“So what do you want then?” I ask crossing my arms.

“To teach you about the magic of friendship silly!” Pinkie replied with another goofy smile.

“Huh?”

“Look what if I say I’m you from another universe, only I’m happy and have lots and lots of friends? And there’s this huge map thing that told me there’s a friendship problem that I have to solve, and it’s apparently helping you learn about friendship!”

“Then I’d say I’m clearly hallucinating from Maud’s cooking!” I say flatly. Or maybe I’m still asleep and having a really bad dream right now!” I quickly pinch myself to test out my theory, only to be met with pain. Nope, not a dream.

“Whatever makes you comfortable I guess” Pinkie concedes shrugging.

“Soooo, pretending I’m going along with this, how exactly do you plan on teaching me the magic of friendship?” I ask air quoting.

“I’m not going to do that silly?” Pinkie giggled “I'm gonna BE your friend! That way you can learn for yourself!" she gleefully exclaims.

“So you expect me to learn about friendship by befriending a figment of my clearly fractured imagination?”

“YES!!!” It grins maniacally.

My retort is cut off by a knock at the door. “Oh that must be your older sister, I’ll wait for you outside. See ya in a few!” With that Pinkie jumped out the window. Maud opened the door and pointed impatiently at her watch. “You’re going to be late for school again if you don’t leave in the next two minutes!” she says. “And no I don’t think you are too sick to go to school because of some pony hallucinations.”

“Alright, alright I’m going, sheeeesh!” I say shaking my head and turning to head out the door. As I leave I make one finally glance at the table, and then the window before shutting the door. This was going to be a long day.