The Random: Pinkie Is A Martian!
*Universal Cringe*
Mark Watney was hit with a satellite dish and bucking Pinkie Pie at mach speeds.
The ARES III crew could hear the gleeful shout of someone(pony) as they saw their faithful comrade fall.
Fast forward a few hours...
Mark groaned as he felt something jumping on him. He cried out in pain as he felt a satellite dish stick thingy impaled in his torso and wondered how he was still alive. Wanting to know what was jumping on him, he forced his eyes open.
“Wagh!” Mark cried, jumping at the sight of a ridiculously pink pony in a spacesuit smiling at him.
“Hi, I’m Pinkie Pie!”
“What-?” was all Mark could say before the nitrogen in his suit took it’s toll and made Mark fall unconscious once again.
"That’s not good.” Pinkie put a hoof to her visor in thought, and saw a collection of domes and buildings in the distance. Oh, looks like fun! she thought. Just then a meteor crashed in front of them, except it wasn’t a meteor. It was what looked like a robot head with one eye. It had an orange glowing iris, and it kept saying: “Spaaace! I’m in spaaaaace!”
Shrugging, Pinkie threw the unconscious body of Mark Watney over her and they ventured to the enticing Bowie Base One.
Earlier…
“Roger that!” Pinkie yelled ecstatically through the comms system. The five other mares with her groaned as they lost their hearing temporarily. After a moment or two, they recovered.
“Pinkie, please refrain from yelling in the comms.” Twilight could be audibly heard attempting to
“Got it!” Pinkie cried with just as much fervor, stoically putting a hoof to her head in mock salute. Everypony yelped once again as Pinkie’s voice rang through their helmets.
“What did we just say sugarcube?” Applejack sighed, bucking a research tool into the ground.
“To not yell in the comms?” Pinkie answered innocently.
“Pinkie, I think that was a rhetorical question,” Rainbow joined in, flying around in her own specialized spacesuit. They could all see a haze forming at the edge of their vision. What they didn’t notice was that it was already approaching them at an incredibly fast rate.
“Honestly, I don’t know how you girls convinced me to come with you. These spacesuits are just so…-” Rarity involuntarily shivered, “-drab.”
“Come on Rarity, can you not comment on fashion and style just this once? We’re the first ponies on MARS for crying out loud!” said Rainbow, facehoofing into her visor.
"Alright girls, that’s a wrap! There seems to be a slight disturbance in atmospheric pressure just a few kilometres out but we should be fine as long as you get to the HAB right away.”
“But Twilight! We were having so much fun out here!” Pinkie yelled, blowing everypony’s eardrums once again.
“I- I think we should get back now though, Pinkie. It looks dangerous,” Fluttershy squeaked, slowly trotting over to the airlock in her suit. Although Fluttershy had trained for this mission for months and had prepared herself mentally, she didn’t realize the toll it would take on her physically. Nor did she realize that it was impossible for any animal or plant life to thrive on such a barren planet.
“Aw, cheer up Fluttershy! It’s not that bad,” Pinkie said. Oh Pinkie, you shouldn’t have said that.
“Here, have some bees!” Pinkie suddenly had her hoof in Fluttershy’s suit, holding a beehive right up to Fluttershy’s face. The most shocking thing however, was that Pinkie was still snug in her own spacesuit, several feet away from Fluttershy. Not expecting the sudden intrusion to her supposedly “everything-proofed” spacesuit, she cried.
“Not the bees! Not the bees!” She cried almost literally, clawing at her visor with her hooves. She frantically began racing to the airlock only to knock herself out by colliding with it. As mysteriously as the bees appeared, they were gone. What was left was an unconscious Fluttershy with dozens of sting marks that were quickly fading away. Oh Fluttershy.
Slowly, all the mares filed into the HAB, with Applejack carrying Fluttershy on her back. Once they were all sung inside the HAB, they huddled around Twilight, their mission leader.
“Alright girls, looks like this storm was faster than we thought. It’s already on top of us, and gaining in wind speed and strength. EASE (Equestrian Aeronautics and Space Exploration) has relayed to us that it’s getting worse and that we might need to evac.” The screens Twilight were looking at flickered and beeped, slowly turning a shade of red from the usual green.
RUMBLE!
BOOM!
The HAB shook and lights flickered, sirens going off in the distance.
“Sugarcube? Does that mean we’re going to have abandon ship?” Applejack asked.
“Yes, darling, please tell us. It’s your call,” Rarity said.
“Ohh, but we just got here!” Rainbow complained.
“Cupcakes!” Pinkie shouted, stuffing a whole plate full of cupcakes in her mouth.
“Uhm, okaaay… Yes, we’re going to have to abort mission. Girls, suit up! We’re going to the rocket!”
Grumbling because they just took them off, they complied and put them back on. No one had bothered to wake Fluttershy however, so she still lay there unconscious with her spacesuit on.
Long story short, they began walking to the MAV.
Short story short, the storm was terrible.
“Pinkie, stop it!” Twilight yelled back exasperatingly. Pinkie kept jumping up and letting the wind carry her. All the while, rock, dust, and debris flew around them, wind speeds continually going higher. It was already so dusty Pinkie could barely see the pony in front of her.
“Aww Twilight! You’re such a party pooper.” Pinkie pouted. She knew Twilight wouldn’t see it, but she did it anyway. Just then, she saw a satellite dish flying towards her. Laughing giddily she jumped.
“WOOHOO!” Pinkie hollered as the dish carried her away, clearly having the time of her life. Her blip on their radars rapidly disappeared.
“PINKIE!” The remaining five mares cried in unison, fearing for the life of their pink party pony.
Long story short, they searched briefly and couldn’t find her. Twilight persisted.
Short story short, Twilight gave up and the Mane 5 launched away from Mars.
Longer story short, Pinkie hitched a ride on a satellite dish and hit Mark Watney for the fun of it.
“State your name, rank, and intention,” Captain Adelaide Brooke calmy said, pointing a gun at the impossible thing in front of them.
“Hi, I’m Pinkie Pie! Your superifically awesome pink party pony, and I just wanna have fun!” Pinkie yelled, jumping in the air. They had entered through the front doors, and Pinkie took of Mark’s helmet after walking in.
“And this is Mark. He’s a botanist. Intention: to get air because he couldn’t breathe!”
Gasping for air, Mark nodded his head slowly. "What the pink pony said... God that sounded weird..."
The Tenth Doctor snickered as he watched all of this unfold. Even though this was a fixed point in time, he never saw any of this coming. Just then, a growl could be heard coming from the Greenhouse Dome.
“All of you, come with me. We’re going to find out what’s wrong with my crew.”
“WAIT!” Pinkie yelled. They all stopped to look at her.
“I just wanted to show you all my party cannon!”
Long story short, the next hour or so went by as the episode “Waters of Mars” would’ve went, except with a pink party pony and a confused super-botanist in tow.
“Don’t explode the rocket!” Pinkie shouted just as Ed, the pilot, was about to blow up the rocket. “You're going to miss the dance party! And Nopony can resist an awesome DANCE PARTY!”
All of a sudden, everywhere, everywhen, and everything exploded into disco rotating colors, constantly changing, and Everypony and Everyone and Everything in all of time and space and all of the universe stood confused as to why 60’s disco was playing and wondered where the rotating rainbow lights were coming from.
All of Bowie Base One and Equus (Equestria included), Earth, and all infinitum number of universes you can think of began shaking to the groovy disco beat. Even the Daleks couldn't help it.
“What is this madness?” asked the water monsters, who couldn’t stop doing moonwalks and groovy disco moves.
"THIS IS SPARTA!" someone could be heard yelling from some far off country.
“Who knows? The only thing that matters is that it’s fucking awesoooome!” yelled the fully conscious Mark.
“But this was NEVER MEANT TO HAPPEN. This is a FIXED POINT IN TIME HOW ARE YOU DOING THAT?!?!” The Tenth Doctor yelled, not knowing either why he was moving to the beat and wondering how an odd pink pony was altering time and not breaking reality in the slightest. All of a sudden, everyone in all of existence shuddered.
“BECAUSE I’M PINKIE PIE, GOD OF ALL.” Pinkie stated, and then smiled with that same innocent smile. Pressing a large red button, the reality bomb from the Series 4 finale erupted destroying everything.
…
…
…
…
And then Pinkie Pie somehow rebooted the universe and was back in Equestria,
