Mr. Original in: Applebuck Seasonby Mister OriginalChapters"Snake. Snake! SNAAAKE!""'Scuse me, please, sliiide to the right!""On the count of three! One!" *BOOM!*"Psh, I'm not runnin' away, that sh*t's adorable!""Snake. Snake! SNAAAKE!""...How did we even get here?" Conscience asked in confusion as he stared distantly ahead. James smiled deviously (at the camera). "I have no idea," he shook his head. James and Conscience stood side by side, surrounded by cows. A whole lot of them. A lot of them were light brown and white instead of black and white. A few were even completely brown, no white at all. "Why are we doing this again?" Conscience asked. "For booze, dumbass, we came out here for booze," James deadpanned at him. "...But, couldn't we have just went to the market in Ponyville?" "I did, earlier this morning," James said. "But the merchant was out of stock." "...Oh." "So, if the merchant was out of stock, I thought: 'Why not find out the source of the booze?' And now... um... well, sh** happened," James faltered. "Right," Conscience nodded comprehensively. "..." "...Umm... so, what do we do now?" Conscience looked around, completely lost. "Now? We wait," James put his hands behind his back as he stared ahead, a stoic expression on his face. "For who, the merchant?" "Yes. ...Though while I wouldn't mind standing here for a long period of time, I'd still like to do something a little more constructive. Fortunately, I brought a book to read," James held up a book that was at least a half inch wide. Conscience raised an eyebrow. "That's a thick-ass book. How long are we gonna be here, again?" "Better not be too long," James furrowed his eyebrows as he held out the book to Conscience. "...What am I supposed to do with this?" Conscience stared at the book blankly. "Um... read it out loud?" James intoned sarcastically. "Why? I hate reading out loud!" Conscience argued. By this point, the cows, who had been slightly on edge upon their arrival about five minutes ago, had decided to ignore them and continued to graze the grass. "Well, duh. So you know how I feel!" "You do it," Conscience gave the book back to James. "No, you," James returned it. "Fine. Rock Paper Scissors," Conscience suggested. James facepalmed. "Ugh, fine, best of five." They held out their hands. Then shook them rhythmically. Conscience chanted the three tools out loud. "Rock, paper, scissors! GOT IT!" Conscience won with rock. "Rock, paper, scissors! DAMN IT!" Conscience lost to James's scissors. "Rock, paper, scissors! DAMN IT!" he lost to James's rock. "Rock, paper, scissors! GOT IT!" he won with paper. "Rock, paper, scissors!" he held out his scissors to James's rock. Before he could Explode in frustration, James suddenly pulled out a sword and sliced the sh*t out of him. James then threw Conscience to the ground, and then thrust the sword into his back. "CALIFORNIA ROLL!" James Cheerfully raised his fist victoriously in the air. Conscience winced as he pulled the sword out of his back. "You haven't even been to California," he pulled out a Star Candy and ate it. "Let alone eaten a California roll." "I know," James smiled triumphantly as he tossed the book into his hands. "Now start reading. Begin with the front cover, if you please." Conscience Facewhipped with his free hand, before glared at the book. "James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl," he intoned. He was too pissed to notice James smirking (at the camera) upon hearing his name. "The old man said to him, '…Marvelous things will start happening to you, fabulous, unbelievable thingssss – and you will never be miserable again in your life.'" James, who was lost in the story (despite Conscience not reading like he meant it), was snapped back to reality. "Why'd you say 'things' like that?" Conscience rose an eyebrow, the deadpan still on his face. "What? I said 'things.'" "No, you said 'thingsssss,'" James pointed. "No I didn't," Conscience blinked in confusion, his face finally showing emotion for once in a half hour. James looked around. First at the sky, then around at the cows. They were still idly standing around, silent as f*ck. Nothing seemed different than it did when they got there. At least, not until he looked at the ground. There, right next to his foot was a snake. A green one, about half as long as he or Conscience was tall. James bit his lip to keep from yelping in surprise. He didn't want to cause any commotion. "Conscience," James hissed. "What, what's the pro--?" Conscience's breath caught in his throat as he saw what James was looking at. "Get it. Get it!" he hissed back quietly. "S-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s," the snake's gaze fell on James. James panicked and reached behind his back and pulled out his black hammer. He fumbled with it before finally getting a grip on the handle, and swinging at the snake. He got a direct hit, sending the snake flying a fair distance in the air. "Phew," Conscience sighed in relief. His eyes widened again when it landed on the ground... right in front of a cow's face. "...Sh**," James deadpanned. Said cow's eyes widened almost instantly before she (you could tell from its voice it was a she) cried out. "Snaaake!" "Snake!?" several cows surrounding her looked at her and saw what she was looking at. "Snake!?" the others repeated in alarm. It was crazy how quickly the word spread across the entire herd, practically like wildfire. James and Conscience barely processed what was happening, when all the cows started running. They didn't have much time to react (which is saying something) before they were rammed into, launched into the air. They got up slightly dazed as they looked behind them to see cows leaving the soon-to-be empty field, the occasional moo resounding from the herd. "...Well, you f***ed up," Conscience said nonchalantly as he merged with James, whose eyes went from X's back to normal. "Wow... let's do that again," James got up to Flash after them. KLPOW! And then he was gone. Author's Note O_O Ohoh, sh*t. I almost forgot my character tag! ... "CALIFORNIA ROLL!" "'Scuse me, please, sliiide to the right!"Mr. Original’s Dictionary Original Edition Violently /vī(ə)ləntlē/ adv. -done in a very reckless or harsh manner *** High Chortle /hī CHôrdl/ vb. -when one titters or chuckles in a high pitch *** Stryker Win Pose /strīkər win pōz/ n. -a victory gesture when one fires rapidly at the sky (with any type of gun), before twirling the gun along their fingers and putting the gun away [Theme Song] It only took about three seconds for him to get the cows back in his sight. "There they are," James said to himself. In a single Flash, he was running right behind them. "Damn it, what now?" he asked, stumped. His thoughts became even more difficult to collect when he saw Ponyville come into view. "Aw, come on!" James rolled his eyes in frustration. He was gonna make Conscience come out and help him. Maybe they could get them to detour to the left or right by Exploding at the bridge or something. But before he could put that plan into action, a figure in the herd caught his eye. As he looked closer, it looked like a pony. It was orange, and had a stetson on its head. Blonde mane and tail, too. James added that up, and got... "Applejack?" James raised an eyebrow. He saw a much smaller figure, that was brown (a darker one than the cows) and white. "And she has a dog? Since when?" KLPOW! Applejack looked next to her in confusion as James was suddenly running beside her. "Applejack, what in the freakin' name of the Freakin' Freik Freek freakin' freak are you doing here!?" James called out above the stampeding herd. "What does it look like Ah'm doin'? Tryin' to stop this here herd from gettin' to town," she replied. "Other side, Winona." Upon that, the dog barked in acknowledgement before obeying. "Winona?" James repeated to himself. "...That's a nice name." "Put 'em up, girl!" Applejack called out to Winona, who barked back from the opposite side. "Come on, little doggies! Turn!" James watched as she purposely bumped into the cow next to her, before whistling. James deadpanned (at the camera). "Yeah, no, I just dry-cleaned this outfit." He looked at the cow he was running next to. "Um, excuse me?" he called politely. He didn't expect to actually get its attention, but he did. "Terribly sorry, but you wouldn't mind running a little more to the right, would you? There's dust getting on my clothes, and I was planning to go somewhere today. And it's not much time before I have to be there," he lied. To his surprise, the cow actually obliged. "Thank you," he smiled and nodded. When the cow faced forward again as they all continued to run, James Cheerfully pumped a fist in the air. "Nailed it!" Twilight looked closer at the other figure that stood out from the herd. "Is that... James?" she squinted. "Yeah, it is!" Rainbow exclaimed as she flew higher to get a better look. "He's helping stop the herd!" "Winona, put 'em up," Applejack called to her dog. James looked as Winona jumped up and began running to the front on top of the cows, jumping from back to back. "Wow, Winona kicks ass," James complimented as Applejack jumped on a cow's back. "Ha hah! Gotcha," she said as she saw the cow at the front leading the herd. She then pulled out a lasso and expertly spun it with her teeth before throwing the loop, and catching the cow's head. She jumped up front with Winona, before pulling the lasso sideways. As expected, she got the cow to change direction, the following cows doing the same. "YEEHAW!" she cried out. James could barely make out the rest of the girls from the far distance cheering. "Whoooa!" Applejack skidded to a stop, the cows following suit. "Hoo-ie," she tossed her lasso aside, James catching it on reflex. "Now what was that all about," she walked up to one of the cows (as James put the lasso up. You know, behind his back). The one addressed spoke up. "Mooo," she said before clearing her throat. "Oh my! Begging your pardon, Applejack, but Moooriella here," she gestured to the practically golden-colored cow next to her, "saw one of those nasty snakes." All the other cows gasped. James, who was behind Applejack, flushed a red color as he tensely looked around at them. "And it just gave us all the willies, don'tcha know." "I completely understand," Applejack nodded. "Just next time, try and steer clear of Ponyville." "We certainly will, Applejack. So long, Winona!" the cow called to the dog as the herd turned and headed back. Winona barked cheerfully. "Damn it, she's adorable," James Grief Grimaced. "But anyway, that snake should be dead by now, they probably trampled it to death in their panic." He frowned. "I can't help but feel sorry for it." As he, Applejack, and Winona stopped on top of a hill, they saw Rarity, Fluttershy, Pinkie, Rainbow, and Twilight whooping and hooting. James looked to his left, then his right, before back at the girls. "Who, me?" he pointed at himself questioningly. Conscience came out with a machine gun. "YEEEEEEEEEAH!!" he Cheerfully did the Stryker Win Pose. "YEEHAW!" Applejack kicked her forelegs in the air before running down the hill, Winona barking as she followed. "Hey, where're you going!?" James called as he ran after her, Conscience following behind them. James was standing patiently behind a crimson curtain on the stage outside of Town Hall. He was still pondering what in the world he was supposed to be doing. Ah, well. I guess I should know when the time comes. How could I possibly f*ck up? He peeked through the unnoticed opening of the curtain, and saw all the ponies crowded around the stage. Then he saw Twilight walking up to the podium. Ooh, Twilight's giving a speech! A long one, no less. Heheh, reminds me of my high school years, James thought as he saw the thick stack of index cards she was levitating next to her. He'd never forget his music speech he had for his exam. Five hundred thirty three slides long. The best part was the win-win benefit for him and his teacher. She got to enjoy his hard (and overdoing) work. While he in return, got to make his classmates suffer through a entertainingly monotonous five-hour slide show on his music preferences, as punishment for making the teacher deal with their unbearable bullsh*t. Win-win indeed. James returned his focus to Twilight as she smiled and began. "Welcome, everypony! Today we are here to honor, two ponies we can always count on to help in matters great, and small," she switched to the next card. "Ponies whose contributions to--" "Did you see James and Applejack's slick moves out there? What athletes!" Rainbow Dash popped up, disorienting Twilight's cards... and sparking James's fuse. "This week, Applejack's gonna help me with my new flying trick, and I know, it's gonna be so, awesome!" her voice cracked. "Exactly!" Twilight pushed her away from the podium. Then she levitated her cards back (miraculously still organized) to continue. "And--" "This week, I get to run Sugarcube Corner for the first time!" Pinkie interrupted as she appeared right in front of Twilight... which was f*cking rude. If looks could cause physical damage, Pinkie might have caught fire with how James was glaring at her. "What does that have to do with Applejack?" Twilight put her hoof on her hip. (...It did not look comfortable.) Pinkie blinked a couple times, "...Oh! Applejack, one of the best bakers ever, is gonna help me. Applejack makes everything great, so free samples for everypony!" the audience cheered upon this announcement. "Okay, that's great," Twilight deadpanned as she nudged her from the podium. "Now if I could just make a point without being inter-" "Twilight?" "-rupted...," Twilight dropped her cards in annoyance. The only reason James facepalmed, instead of Facewhipping, was because it would draw attention. More importantly, it would draw attention away from Twilight. And he really wanted to hear that speech. At least Fluttershy had the decency to say something to her before taking over for the short time being... and apologizing. "Twilight, I'm so sorry, but I just wanted to mention that Applejack is also helping me this week with the official bunny census, where we count up all the new baby bunnies that were born this season. She's gonna help gather them using her wonderful herding skills." Fluttershy wilted under Twilight's annoyed gaze before slinking away. "Anyone else? Anyone?" literally not a single pony met her gaze. "No? Well then, as I was trying to say...," Twilight trailed off as she noticed Mayor Mare smiling expectantly at her. "...UGH! Nevermind!" she frustratingly threw her cards in the air as the mayor took the stage. Meanwhile behind the curtain, James had his hat covering his face as he said several incomprehensible curse words while flailing his arms Violently in every possible direction. James put his hat back on correctly as he heard Mayor clear her throat. "And so, with no further ado, it is my privilege to give the prize, Pony of Ponyville Award, to our beloved guests of honor, two ponies of the utmost trustworthiness, reliability, and integrity. Two of Ponyville's most capable and dependable friends: Applejack and James!" The crowd cheered as the curtain opened... to reveal James straightening his hat (even though it was already straight, but he was stressed, for obvious reasons). He did stop, however when he realized he was now the center of attention. "Cool! Way to go you guys, that was awesome! I mean-- heh," Spike's cheeks flushed as he noticed no one else was cheering. While Twilight glared at him for a second, James on the other hand, stifled a giggle on the inside. He felt better already. The mayor shifted nervously in the uneasy silence. Then she cleared her throat uncomfortably. James took this as a cue. "O-Oh!" James's eyes lit up in realization as Mayor Mare left it. KLPOW! There he was, in front of all these ponies... and dragon. Had this been a different case, he would've been apprehensive. He decided to start off with a little humor. That usually helped break the ice, didn't it? "Well, I only have one thing to say to that introduction. ...I'm not a 'pony,' Twilight," he said, causing her to blush. He smirked at her to let her know he wasn't upset. "Anyway!" he continued, trying to change the subject. "I had a speech prepared for you guys. It should be somewhere behind this podium, actually, so I'm gonna see if I can find that. In the meantime, I'll hand the spotlight over to Conscience, ...my conscience." True to James's word, his state of mind made himself known. As James stooped down to look for his index, Conscience darted his eyes around the audience before speaking. "Hey, everyone! It's your good ol' neighborhood, Conscience, heehee!" he High Chortled. "Now," he went on, "First off, I'd like to give a head's up to Applejack's dog, Winona. We owe thanks to her, too. Because while Applejack may have been able to handle that whole situation by her own self, Winona did make herself useful. She sure could jump, I'll give her that. And I swear, you don't see dogs get any more adorable than that very often. "Now on another note, I'd like to hear the rest of Twilight's speech, not gonna lie. And speaking of which, since there's apparently only one trophy, I will dissolve any dispute right now and say that Applejack can have it. She's the type that knows just how to treat a collected accolade, you can tell just by looking at her. Plus, that thing looks nothing like me," Conscience quipped, actually earning a chuckle from some of the ponies in the audience. "Now watch me smoke this tongue turner-wrong!" Turn-wrong was his and James's way of saying 'twist.' "*Ahem* How much wood could Chuck Woods' mother f--" "Found it!" James popped up, Conscience stepped slightly to his left as he stood in front of the podium again. He popped up at that time on purpose. He was going to let Conscience have a little more time, but he wasn't letting him finish that tongue twister. He remembered coming up with that when he was in middle school. He only ever told it to the guys... but no one else. James looked at the card briefly before tossing it behind him. In exact words, he recited his speech. "I appreciate all of your appreciation. Thank you. Thank you very much," he nodded. James raised an eyebrow as he noticed that the crowd of ponies were looking at him as if he'd continue. "Um... that's the end of the speech, everyone." "Uh, t-thank you for that, James," the mayor said as James and Conscience stepped down from the podium, her taking their place. "Unfortunately, it appears that Applejack--" "Ah'm here!" a voice piped from the crowd, getting closer to the stage. The audience cleared a path to reveal the other guest of honor herself, who was carrying two baskets of apples (some of which fell on the ground) on her back. "Ah'm here!" she repeated before yawning. "Sorry I'm late--whoa--I was just-- whooa... Did I get your tail?" she mumbled apologetically to a random pony she passed by on her way to the front. Upon reaching it, she got slightly too close to the mayor's face. "Miss Mayor," she smiled tiredly at Mayor Mare before pushing her away from the podium. Conscience stifled a laugh and held an index card to James that read: 'Zero f*cks given,' causing James to stifle a High Chortle. "Thank you kindly for this here, uh-- award, thingy." This got another stifled High Chortle, this time from Conscience, as Applejack yawned again while walking up to the trophy. "It's so bright and shiny and, heh, heh heh, I sure do look funny, heh," Applejack chuckled as she looked at her disoriented reflection on the award. Then she rocked her head back and forth as she continued to stare at herself on the trophy. "Woow-woow heh." Pinkie joined her, following with a coordinated chorus of, "Wooh-woow-woow. And then Conscience walked over and joined in from the other side. Unable to stand it any longer, James put his head down on the podium and laughed his ass off. "Okay," Twilight looked around awkwardly. "Well, thank you Applejack for saving us from that scary stampede, and always being there for everypony," she smiled gratefully. "You're such a hero!" Conscience agreed Cheerfully... before he silently continued to rock his head back and forth. Applejack yawned. "Yeah. I like helping the ponyfolks and *yawn* and stuff." And then she closed her eyes, snoring. Everyone looked uneasy as she stood there, comatose. James rose an eyebrow and looked around. "Umm..." Suddenly, Applejack shook her head. "Oh, U-uh, yeah. Uh, thanks!" she proceed to grab the trophy by its handle with her teeth. Everyone watched silently as she dragged her award down the same path she arrived on. "...I'm almost okay with this!" James Epic Shrugged. Twilight spoke up. "Was it just me, or did Applejack seem a little--" "Tired?" Rainbow finished. "Dizzy?" Fluttershy added. "Messy?" Rarity saw the odd looks her friends gave her. "Well, did you see her mane?" "It wasn't that bad," James deadpanned at her. "There were only a few strands out of place." "She seemed fine to me," Pinkie said before she continued to make 'wooing' sounds. "You think she might wanna be a fire fighter one day?" Conscience joked in amusement. "Hmm...," Twilight looked at where Applejack left. Meanwhile, James darted his eyes around, before he quickly collected Twilight's speech cards. Luckily for him, Twilight had put numbers in the corner to help keep track of her place. "On the count of three! One!" *BOOM!*"On the count of three! One!" *BOOM!* Applejack went to a tree and kicked it, causing the apples to fall into the baskets waiting below. Then she did the same with the tree across from it. After kicking another tree after that, she stopped for a quick breather, allowing her fatigue the opportunity to strike. But she wouldn't let it get the best of her. She shook herself awake to continue working. Unfortunately, fatigue sent his regards. Thus, Applejack kicked at the tree she already relieved its apples from. However, she was too far a distance, and nearly tripped from hitting nothing but air. "What on Earth is that pony doing?" Twilight said out loud to herself as she watched Applejack drowsily kick one of the apple-laden baskets over. James stood next to her, his hands behind his back. "Shouldn't we say something instead of standing here and watching like ass****s?" James raised an eyebrow. Twilight rolled her eyes before she returned her focus to the orange mare, who was on her way to pick up the befallen apples she just spilled. "Hey, Applejack!" The pony addressed stopped walking, just to doze of again. "Applejack? ...Applejack!" Twilight fruitlessly called again as Applejack began to snore. The way she snored did not go unnoticed by James. "Do ponies usually neigh in their sleep?" James asked Twilight as he squinted in curiosity. Twilight ignored him as she exasperatedly teleported in front of her. "Applejack!" At last, the cowpony jolted awake and (tried to) shake her head clear of its drowsiness. "Oh. Howdy, Twilight," she gave a tired smile as she walked past Twilight. KLPO-PO-PO-PO-POW! James quickly picked up the apples Applejack knocked over, and put them back in the designated basket, before catching up with the two. "What is all this?" Twilight looked around. "It's Applebuck season," Applejack answered. She bucked another tree's apples down, but was startled when Twilight teleported in front of her. "Apple-what season?" she asked as Applejack recovered and continued past her, James following. "It's what the Apple family calls harvestin' time," she explained as Twilight once again teleported to catch up. "We gather all the apples from the trees so we can sell 'em." James had a brief idea of how large the orchard was when he and Twilight walked through it. "Damn, how many customers do you get to be selling this many apples!?" he exclaimed in shock. "Ponyville is pretty schmall, so obviously you're selling this all over the place." "Supposedly," Twilight replied before speaking to Applejack again. "But why are you doing it all alone?" "'Cause Big Macintosh hurt himself," she replied rather flatly before Twilight teleported in front of her again. She was already used to it by then. It was starting to piss James off. Though he didn't show it, his patience wasn't being tested... Yet. "What about all those relatives I've met when I first came to Ponyville? Can't they help?" Twilight frowned. Applejack sighed as she continued past Twilight. "They were just here for the Apple family reunion. They actually live all over Equestria and are busy harvestin' their own orchards. So, uh, Ah'm on my own." Twilight appeared in front of her again. "Which means Ah should really get back to work." Twilight, who had a flat look on her face, didn't budge so James nudged her. "Don't be rude, excuse yourself," his eyebrows furrowed slightly as he moved to his right. "Fine," she said dismissively as she moved over to her left. "Uh, could you step aside, Twilight?" Applejack swayed from side to side, like she could collapse any moment. James Grief Grimaced. "I just did. ...Applejack, you don't look so good." Applejack's vision tripled as she looked at Twilight and James, who looked concerned. She shook her head as she continued past them. "Don't any of you six worry none, Ah'm just fine and dandy." "...What in the f***...?" James said out loud to himself. He caught Twilight before she could teleport and gave her a pointed look, causing her to groan in exasperation before walking over to the cowpony. "Do you... want some help?" Twilight raised an eyebrow. "Help?" Applejack looked at Twilight like she was crazy, before she shook her head. "No way, no how." Twilight frowned. "But there's no way you can do it all on your own." She recoiled when Applejack suddenly got in her face. "Is that, a challe--" KLPOW! James lightly pushed Applejack away in exasperation. "What she means is that it would be a lot easier if you got some friends to work with you. So what if you can harvest all this on your own," James shrugged (even though he was not sure if what he said was true). "But it would be a lot less trouble if you let us help you out." "Exactly!" Twilight pointed in agreement. Applejack wasn't convinced. "Oh, yeah? Well, Ah'm gonna prove to you that I can do it! Now if you'll excuse me, Ah've got apples to buck!" Twilight's face crunched up with worry. James just stared at the departing Applejack with a look of disbelief and irritation. "...Was I f***ing talking to myself, or some sh**?" Rainbow Dash sighed quietly in annoyance as she stood with expert balance on the top of a fence post, tapping her hoof impatiently. She turned when she heard the sound of someone skidding across the ground. "There you are," she said flatly. She noticed two others beside her. "What are you guys doing here?" James furrowed his eyebrows. "Well, if you must know, we were interested in this 'trick' you were planning. Thought we'd see it in action." Conscience put up his index. "Actually, I'm here to see you fail." This comment earned him a smack in the back of the head by James. Applejack yawned. "Ah'm a mite sorry, Rainbow. Ah was busy apple-bucking and Ah guess Ah, Ah closed my eyes for a second and, when Ah woke up, Ah was late. Now, what's this new trick o' yours?" Rainbow seemingly forgot about her past irritation and spoke with vigor. "See this contraption?" she pointed at a leverage catapult, a giant elevated platform right next to it. "Uh... yeah," Applejack answered. "Well, I'm gonna stand on one end, then you're gonna jump down from that platform, launching me into the air faster than I can take off on my own. Once I'm in the air, I'm gonna do some amazing flips and spins that are sure to impress the Wonderbolts." Conscience stared blankly as he pictured the trick in his head. "...Uuh..." POP! He Pop Fainted in consequence. "Isn't that a mite dangerous?" Applejack frowned. "Heh, not for a pony who can fly," Rainbow said reassuringly, unaware of the glare James was giving her. "Well, alright-y, then," Applejack followed her over to the catapult. James followed suit (after he revived Conscience so he could do the same). Applejack got on top of the platform, and looked down. As if the height wasn't intimidating enough, her disoriented vision made it worse. "Oh, my..." "Ready?" Rainbow called from the end of the catapult. "One. Two. Three!" THUD "HO-LY SH**!" Conscience and James recoiled with a start as Applejack harshly faceplanted the dirt road. It would've been comical how she looked flattened to anyone else. But Conscience was too surprised to say anything, while James didn't find it funny in the slightest. Rainbow did not appear concerned at all as she walked up to the orange mare. "Umm... maybe I wasn't clear. You're supposed to land on the other end." Applejack pulled herself up, her eyes rolling in her head. "Got it," she said in a disoriented tone. James sighed in relief as she went back up to try again. The next few attempts didn't go so well either. Conscience was Grief Grimacing and James kept cringing every time Applejack fell to the ground, each time looking more painful. "Applejack, what the hay is going on? I mean, I thought I was working with Ponyville's best athlete!" Rainbow glowered, her expression being mirrored by James, who was glaring back at Rainbow. Applejack shook her head "You are. Ah'm okay. Really. A-Ah have an idea. Watch this." She walked over to the end opposite of Rainbow and reached for it. She grunted as she pushed down on it, until it touched the ground. "Ta-daaa!" "Psh. Get on my level," Conscience Signature Shrugged. James couldn't help but smile in amusement. Rainbow didn't find it as funny as she narrowed her eyes dangerously at the farm pony. "Oh... Maybe not. Okay, one more try. Ah'm sure to get it this time," Applejack abruptly let go of her end, causing Rainbow to ungracefully drop back to the ground, dazed. "Heh. Here Ah go!" She regained her bearings just in time to see Applejack jumping off the platform. "Wait! Applejaaaaaaaaaa--!" she was already sent flying. "You're welcooome!" Applejack called out. James sighed and rolled his eyes in exasperation before he Flashed after her. Conscience watched as Rainbow disappeared into the distance. "...Damn...I wanna try that!" He jumped onto the platform. He shouted as he ran off the platform, "SCOTT JOPLIN, MUTHA F***AAAAA--!" KLPOW! With expert timing, he Flashed over to the opposite end before it went all the way upward from his momentum against the side he landed on. Miraculously, he flew almost exactly Rainbow's velocity in the same direction. "That sh** actually woooooorked!" "Huh... well, ain't that somethin'...," Applejack looked after them in awe before she began her trip back home. Back at the library, Twilight was enjoying some books on her balcony when out of nowhere... KLPOW! "James...?" she looked up to see James with a flat look on his face, as he put his hands in the air, as if trying to catch something. "What are you do--" she paused as she heard a screaming voice come closer to them. With a loud thud, James was now holding a roughed up Rainbow Dash. "Can I help you?" Twilight raised an eyebrow. "I think somepony else needs your help," was the response from the cyan pegasus. Twilight already knew who it was. "Applejack?" "Yep." Rainbow's head dropped in exhaustion. Twilight's eyebrows furrowed. James sighed. "Hold on a second." He put Rainbow down next to him. He turned around to see a Tornado Spinning Conscience flying head-first in his direction. He pulled out his cape, shifted to the left, and swung. Just as intended, Conscience took a ninety-degree turn, flying away from the library. James put his cape away. "Okay, let's go." Twilight probably didn't see Applejack accidentally hit her head against a branch after trying to pick up an apple, but James sure did. He shook his head, as a deep sigh escaped his lips. He and Twilight approached her. "Applejack can we talk?" Twilight asked softly. She saw Applejack rub at her ear before looking at her questioningly. "Applejack, can we talk?" she repeated. "'Can bees squawk?' Ah don't think so!" Applejack said rather loudly. "No. Can we talk?" Twilight repeated calmly. "'Twenty stalks?' Bean or celery?" Applejack might as well have shouted. Twilight was getting impatient. "No, I need to talk to you," she spoke a bit louder. "'You need to walk to the zoo?' Well, who's stoppin' you?" "I need to talk to you!" "Oh! Well why didn't you say so? What you wanna talk about?" Twilight had to keep her voice a bit louder so Applejack could hear. "Rainbow Dash dropped in to see me today." She and James heard a ba-dum tss. They turned around to see Conscience with a small drum set. James deadpanned at him, then shook his head. "I don't even..." Twilight rolled her eyes before turning back to Applejack. "That's quite neighborly of her," the farm pony answered. "Yes, except that she crashed onto my balcony after you launched her into the air." "Oh. Yeah," Applejack got quiet. She turned around and hung her head. "Ah wasn't feeling quite myself this morning." "Because you're working too hard and you need help," Twilight walked up to her. Applejack looked up. "Kelp? Ah don't need kelp. Ah don't even like seaweed." Conscience found a reference in this, and decided to make a smart-ass comment. "Smoke weed every da--" POW! James shot him in the head with a sniper, without even turning to look at him. "HELP! YOU NEED HELP!" Twilight yelled. "Nothin' doin', Twilight. Ah'm gonna prove to you, to everypony, that Ah can do this on my own," she walked away, not looking where she was going. Thus, she once again bumped her head on the branch from earlier, letting out a quiet 'ow.' "Now if you'll excuse me, Ah've gotta go help Pinkie Pie," she finished, cross-eyed, as she stumbled away. "Uugh," Twilight moaned in frustration. "Maaaybe I should see if she'll be alright," James suggested. He looked at the sniper in his hand, which he hadn't put away yet. Then he shrugged and pointed it at his head. "Might as well." POW! [Later at Sugarcube Corner...] "Now Pinkie Pie, are you sure you're up for baking the muffins and running the store this afternoon?" Cup Cake asked as she and her husband, Carrot Cake, packed up their things. "Yes siree bob, Mrs. Cake. Plus, I have Ponyville's prized pony to help me out. Why, she's the best baker ever. Right, Applejack?" she turned to the orange mare next to her. Applejack, for her part, could barely hear anything correctly. She shook her head to try and rid herself of the ringing in her ears. "No? You're not the best baker ever?" Mr. Cake frowned. "What? Oh no! Ah mean... don't you fret. Ah can bake anything from fritters to pies, in the blink of an eye," she reassured. Just then, everyone heard the door open. They all turned to see who it was. It wasn't even two seconds before Pinkie spoke up. "Ooh! Hi, James! Are you here to help, too?" "Huh? Oh. Um, sure, I guess," he answered subconsciously as he rubbed his hand against the side of his face. Mrs. Cake sighed in relief. "All right. Well, see you three later!" she said as she and Mr. Cake headed out the door. Applejack vigorously shook her head left and right before Pinkie gripped both sides of her face with her hooves. "Stop with the shakin'. It's time to get bakin'!" James's mind caught up with him as he realized what Pinkie just said. "...Sh*t," he facepalmed. He wasn't sure whether or not he didn't Facewhip instead due to exhaustion or annoyance. ...It was probably annoyance. He felt like he could take on the world at that very moment if he had to, even though he wouldn't like it... at all... Pinkie's eyes scanned the ingredients in the cook book that stood up on the counter. "All right-y! I'll get the sugar and the eggs. Can you get me some chocolate chips?" she turned to James as well as a sleeping Applejack, whose eyes snapped wide for a second as she shook her head. "Eh... uh, what was that?" Applejack asked. "Chips," James replied without missing a beat. "Chips. Got it," she muttered something else James couldn't hear well as she walked over to the shelves lined with complimenting toppings and fixings. He didn't get much time to dwell on that thought, because the door opened, revealing none other than his own state of mind. "Conscience?" Conscience just pointed outside with a flat look on his face. James looked at Applejack, who grabbed something from the shelf. Then to Pinkie, who was still looking at the book. That was when he was Violently grabbed by the arm and pulled outside. When they barely made it out the door, James Violently pulled his arm away. "Damn it!" he hissed in irritation. "How'd you know I was here, anyway?" James raised an eyebrow. "Twilight told me you went to keep an eye on Applejack," Conscience replied. "Oh." "Really, James?" Conscience intoned. "A sniper?" James paused for at least three seconds before he realized what Conscience was talking about. "Wait, are you sore about what I shot you with?" he squinted in confusion. "And you wouldn't?" "...Okay, yeah, I would. But still, I couldn't think of anything else. I wanted to shoot you with a powerful gun, but I didn't want to get you with a machine gun. I thought it would ruin the moment. "...What moment?" Conscience narrowed his eyes dangerously. "The moment where I cut you off in the middle of your interruption by shooting you." Conscience just stared for a second. Neither of them noticed when Applejack came outside. They were too focused on one another (you never know when one of them will strike suddenly). "...You're sh**ing me, right?" Conscience said, breaking the silence. James groaned and rolled his eyes. "Why don't you think about what you'd do if you and I were in the opposite position. I'm gonna see how Applejack and Pinkie are doing." No sooner did he turn around did he trip and fall. He dusted himself off in irritation and looked behind him. A small hole met his gaze. "How the f*** did that get there...?" he muttered as he went inside. Conscience just stood there, pondering James's words. "...Whatever." He sighed in defeat before walking away. Meanwhile, James came in to see Pinkie putting some muffin trays in the oven. "Wait, we're done?" he asked in shock. "Well, of course silly, it wasn't that hard!" Pinkie chirped. "...Huh... well, alright," James Epic Shrugged. James stared at the steaming muffins. If he was true to himself, he was rather surprised. He was hoping Applejack didn't accidentally screw something up due to her fatigue, but it seemed she kicked ass in catering in her sleep. "Free muffin sample spectacular!" Pinkie called out from behind the counter. The crowd of waiting ponies looked hungrily at the appetizing-looking products before them. James had to stop himself from High Chortling when he saw one of them drooling. "Yeah! Muffin spectacles! Get 'em while they're hot!" Applejack added, causing James to frown at her in spite of her incorrect use of words. The nurse pony drew the curtain for Twilight, Spike, James, and Conscience. "We came as soon as we heard," Twilight spoke. "That's what she said," Conscience pointed with a smirk. James pulled out his hammer and sent him flying across the town. "Thank you, Twilight. We need all the help we can get," the nurse said as she looked at all the patients. Several ponies were moaning in pain, their faces green. "Oh no. What happened?" Twilight asked, concern in her voice. "It was a mishap with some of the baked goods," the nurse answered. "No. Not baked goods," Pinkie said from her bed. "Baked bads." Her cheeks puffed up, like she was going to lose her lunch any moment. If she didn't already lose it. Twilight grimaced before her eyebrows furrowed. "Applejack." James immediately Facewhipped. "Sh**! I knew I should've paid more attention! Applejack must've put something in there while Conscience and I were arguing." He looked at the nurse. "Excuse me, miss..." "Redheart," she answered. "Yeah, Redheart, so what are the symptoms so far?" "Well," she pondered, "there has been vomiting, stomach aches, headaches, light-headedness, and feelings of weakness in the limbs. Why do you ask?" James's eyes lit up for a second. "Oh, psh. Watch me smoke this." He pulled out a Refreshing Herb from Mario and Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story. In his other hand, he pulled out a smoke grenade. Then he shoved the two together, making a Refreshing Herb Grenade. He repeated the process once more. "Usually, the Herb will help for someone. But considering this is for more than one patient, these will help subject everyone to this quicker," he explained before pulling the pins and rolling them on two different sides of the room. Soon enough, green looking gas came from the grenades. It took a few seconds for the whole room to be filled. He noticed the nurse looking tense (not to mention most of the other patients upon seeing the gas). "Relax," he placed a hand on her shoulder, "this should have them feeling better in no time." He barely finished his sentence before the gas took effect. The green color gradually left the ponies' faces as they slowly stood up. They paused before realization sunk in. Everyone muttered to themselves in confusion. James Signature Blushed. "No pun intended." His nervous smile turned to a look of shocked horror when he saw Spike eating one of the muffins baked earlier. Spike noticed James looking at him, and held one out to him. "Want one?" he offered. POP! James Pop Fainted. Author's Note *looks at chapter ending* Hey I did that in my first story! At the ending, no less! I should be ashamed of myself... "Psh, I'm not runnin' away, that sh*t's adorable!""Psh, I'm not runnin' away, that sh*t's adorable!" Mr. Original’s Dictionary Original Edition Tornado Slap /tôrˈnādō slap/ vb. -when James/Conscience slaps some(one/thing) so hard that they spiral into the air at breakneck speed *Time usually slows down temporarily upon contact to the target. Twilight and James arrived just in time to watch Applejack walk backwards with a cart load of apples saddled on her back, as she tipped over. James looked at the upside-down position Applejack who snored as the cart suspended her in the air. "...That does not look comfortable." "Applejack, we need to talk," Twilight said when they got close enough to her. Applejack stirred. "Wha-, Huh?" the farm pony looked around frantically before her gaze fell on the upside down unicorn in front of her, causing her to relax. "Oh. It's you, Twilight." She yawned, "Ah know what you're gonna say, but the answer is still no." "Not to upset your apple cart, but you need help," Twilight insisted. "Hardy har," Applejack replied flatly as she flailed her forelegs to right herself. "And no Ah don't." She flailed again, getting no results. "Here. Let me help," Twilight offered. "Help? No thanks," Applejack continued to flail and grunt with effort as she struggled to get her hooves back on the ground. Twilight facehoofed, while James's face remained neutral, his hands behind his back. Miraculously, the cowpony managed to right herself. "There. Ah'll prove that this Apple can handle these apples," she kicked at the tree next to her as James started picking up the apples that didn't make it inside the basket Applejack had just left. "Now come on... apples... fall off!" she grew frustrated as she repeatedly kicked with her hind leg, alas, no apples fell from above. "AJ, I think you're beating a dead... tree," Twilight said. The orange mare looked up. Indeed, it lacked any fruit... and leaves for that matter. "...Ah knew that," Applejack said casually. James couldn't help but chuckle in amusement. He spoke up from behind as they followed her down the orchard. "Yeah, so, you wouldn't believe this. We just came from the hospital, and found out--" "Y'know, Ah'm a little busy to get lectured right no--" KLPOW! A fire-eyed James was glaring in Applejack's face. "Look. Don't you dare say you aren't tired, I know you are, and I understand that. But I swear to goodness, if you ever interrupt me again, I will LEVEL THIS WHOLE F***ING ORCHARD!" he Exploded. Applejack (and Twilight) stared at him in shock. The fire in James's eyes went out as he cleared his throat. His expression went neutral again, and his voice returned to its level tone. "That was an outburst, I don't wanna do that. But please, for both of our benefit, don't cut me off anymore." And with that, he turned to leave... and nearly bumped into Conscience, who just showed up. He caught himself, though, and moved around him to continue on his way. Conscience wasn't even really paying attention to anything until he almost bumped into him. He was subconsciously looking at the trees that surrounded him. Thus, he didn't notice the state that James was in. He finally looked over at the girls. "Oh, hey, Twilight!" he waved Cheerfully, unaware of the frozen state she was in. "Did Applejack agree to let us help her yet?" This comment managed to break said mare out of her shock. "No, no, no! How many times, do Ah gotta say it? Ah don't need no help from nopony!" And then that comment snapped Twilight out of it. "Ugh. That pony is as stubborn as a mule." She stopped when she heard a familiar sound. "No offense," she smiled politely at the mule, who happened to be standing there next to her. "None taken," he replied. Conscience took this opportunity to get his drum set and play another ba-dum tss. [Meanwhile...] James was standing among a giant crowd of baby bunnies. He was going to head back to Twilight's to read a book, hopefully to calm himself down. But he crossed paths with an adorable sight of little fuzzy animals. They seemed to be minding their business, and not doing anything out of line. So he thought 'why not?' Upon first arriving, the bunnies seemed shy, keeping their distance from him. James hadn't done anything since he showed up, barely moving a muscle. Eventually, one little white bunny was brave enough to actually approach him. It sniffed at his leg, and then looked James in the eyes. James had decently long arms, so he barely had to stoop down to pet the bunny's head. The small creature accepted his affection, and rubbed his head along James's hand. James then proceeded to pick it up with his right hand, miraculously getting no protest from it. He then placed it on his left hand to continue stroking its fur. None of the other bunnies even gave him a second glance, probably because he was so still. But he was fine with that. He was used to not being paid any mind, as sad as that sounds. Subconsciously petting the bunny's back continuously, James sighed, a contented smile on his face. "I'm glad I decided to stay here, I feel better already." And then he heard a soft, welcoming voice. "Oh, Applejack, thank you so much for offering your herding skills for the annual rabbit roundup." He turned his head to the side to see Fluttershy... and her. Looking cranky, no less. "...I spoke too soon," James deadpanned. He gently placed the bunny back on the ground before he headed in their direction. Though they hadn't noticed him yet. "Ugh. Why, are we doin' this?" Applejack asked, sounding annoyed. Fluttershy continued to smile, apparently oblivious to the orange mare's testy demeanor. "Well, lots of new baby bunnies have been born, so it's my job to get a count of all the new families." "Fine. Can we just get on with it?" Applejack asked impatiently as she walked ahead. "Certainly, but remember, these are bunnies we're dealing with, not cows. They're a timid bunch and need to be treated gently." "Ah do not need any direction on corrallin' critters. Right, Winona?" Applejack asked the dog walking right next to her. Winona barked in agreement with a chipper attitude. By this point, James had caught up with them. "Hi, Fluttershy," James greeted. Fluttershy yelped as she whirled around to face the source of the new voice. "It's just me, Fluttershy," he assured patiently. Fluttershy eased up and smiled. "Oh. Hello, James. How are you doing?" "I'm doing alright, thanks for asking," James nodded. It didn't go unnoticed by him that she was the only one of their friends to ask him that question today. She was so considerate. "Not gonna lie, they sure are adorable," he looked at them all over the place. "Aren't they!" Fluttershy 'exclaimed' in agreement. "I just love tending to them." They approached a few bunnies. "Okay, little bunnies. I need you to all gather here in the middle." The bunnies smiled, looking as if they were going to comply... but then Applejack stepped in. "That's right. Let's go, bunnies! In the center! Hop to it," she demanded, causing the bunnies to immediately scurry away. James noticed that Applejack unintentionally cracked a pun, but didn't say anything. "Swell. Just swell," she complained to herself before running after them. "Put 'em up, Winona!" she called. Sure enough, Winona did her job well. She stayed on their tails, luring them out of their hiding spots. "Applejack, Winona, stop! You're scaring them!" Fluttershy frowned at the critters trying to escape the two advancing partners in crime. Applejack would hear none of it. "We know what we're doin'. Get along, little bunnies!" With little difficulty, she and Winona managed to corner them against the fence. "Great, their practically piled on top of each other," James said sarcastically as the two predators creeped up on their 'prey', "How are we supposed to count them accurately?" A sudden loud noise caused him to flinch so hard, that he almost punched himself in the face. The noise also caused the bunnies to scurry past everyone. "Son of a bitch pudding...," James cursed quietly as he scratched the back of his head. "I'm telling you, Twilight. We should just put her to sleep without her knowing, and then work inconspicuously on a schmall part of the orchard. Then she'll be rested enough to finish the rest of it, and not cause any more problems in town. Everyone wins!" Conscience threw his hands up triumphantly at his idea. "There is a sleeping spell, right?" "Yes, there is. But I haven't learned it," Twilight shook her head. "And even if I did know it, I still wouldn't use it. I'm not gonna force Applejack into something just because she's stubborn and independent." "Fine, suit yourself," Conscience Epic Shrugged. He turned around, however, when he heard Twilight gasp. He followed her gaze to see three familiar ponies sprawled on the ground in front of them. "Oh. ...Sh** just got dark," he blinked. Conscience wasn't sure if the ponies heard him, or Twilight's gasp, but they actually got up. "The horror, the horror!" the white, wildberry mane-colored mare on the right spoke up. "It was awful!" the magenta, yellow-maned mare on the left lifted her head. "A disaster. A horrible, horrible disaster," the slightly different magenta-coated, light green-maned mare in the middle said. Twilight looked at the town. It was quiet, everything looked alright. "...I don't get it," Twilight frowned. "Our gardens, destroyed," the second mare ran to a small field, which held little of what used to be flowers. "Every last flower devoured," the first one looked at some pots, the contained dirt supporting stems with no petals on the end. The last pony finished. "By... by... them!" she pointed a hoof in front of her. There were several bunnies munching on any different form of vegetation they could get their paws on. Fluttershy was frantically trying to get them to stop. "Alright. Enough is enough," Twilight narrowed her eyes. James came from out of nowhere and stood next to Twilight. "I don't even know how it got to this point." "I know, right? I thought these three got violated, or something!" Conscience gestured to the three mares. The good news? Neither Twilight nor said mares heard Conscience. The bad news? James did. He turned his head so slowly (Conscience could've sworn he heard creaking), that it took at least five whole seconds for Conscience to actually come into his vision. "What...?" Conscience defended. "I'm serious! I really thought they we--" *SMACK!* It happened so fast, no one saw it coming. Time seem to slow down so much, that it nearly stopped, as James's palm crossed Conscience's cheek. Conscience could feel his head being forced to his right in slow motion. It felt like a whole second, but in reality, it was merely a tenth of a second, before time went back to normal. *BOOM* Conscience (almost Explosively) shot into the sky from the force of James's hand, spinning uncontrollably. James noticed when he was seemingly at least a couple hundred feet in the air, an air cone started to build up around him, as if he could form a tornado any moment. Though he and James new better, that was never the case. At least... they never hit someone that hard for it to come to that point in the first place. He turned around, to see Twilight, a look of confusion contorted on her face. "What was that for?" she asked. "Oh, you know. He was reaching irrational conclusions from obvious context. So I Tornado Slapped him," James replied casually. James noticed there was a lack of commotion that was just going on behind him a second ago. He turned to see the rabbits were nowhere in sight. The only evidence of anything occurring, besides the dug up and unfinished plants, was a cowering Fluttershy, whose lower body was shakily sticking out of a thick bush. He walked over to her and called her name. "Fluttershy?" Fluttershy peeked out of the bush at the sound of the familiar voice. "Oh, James, is it gone?" she asked timidly. "Is what gone?" James asked, sincerely confused. "I don't know what it was. I was trying to get the baby bunnies to listen to me. But then something made this loud sound, and it startled me. Not to mention the bunnies. Oh, I hope they didn't go too far," she looked around in worry. "So do I. They shouldn't have gotten too far. If anything they should still be in town somewhere." "Well, maybe you're right...," she pondered. "I should look for them." "Alright. You need any help before I leave?" "Well... I guess not... I mean... if that's okay with you." "Perfectly fine!" James smiled Cheerfully. "I'll be around if you need help." By the time he walked back over to Twilight, his neutral expression was back. "Let's end this." Applejack's breath was labored as she tiredly bucked at a tree at the top of a hill. "Must... keep... buckin'.... Just... a few... more. Must finish harvestin'..." "Alright, Applejack," Twilight spoke sternly as she and James approached the farm pony. "Your apple-bucking hasn't just caused you problems, it's over-propelled pegasus, practically poisoned plenty of ponies, and terrorized bushels of brand new bouncing baby bunnies. I don't care what you say. You, need, help." "What was that alliteration for?" James raised an eyebrow, causing Twilight to blush. Applejack kicked the tree one last time, causing the last of its apples to fall into the basket. "Ha. No Ah don't. Look, Ah did it! Ah harvested the entire Sweet Apple Acres, without your help." James and Twilight looked ahead, to see a vast plethora of fruitless tress. "How d'ya like them apples?" James furrowed his eyebrows. Whether or not she completed the task, it bothered him how she was seemingly trying to rub her achievement in their faces. He never liked gloating. But if he ever happened to outshine an irritating braggart, he'd gloat in the most harsh way possible. He'd be angry as f*ck when he did it, but that made it all the more satisfying. He was about to speak his mind about her smug attitude, when someone else beat him to it. "Um... how do you like them apples?" Big Macintosh gestured with his eyes to a different part of the field after practically appearing out of nowhere. Applejack followed his gaze, and immediately her eyes widened. There was a large sh*tload of trees, still dotted with their trademark fruit. She mumbled incomprehensible words as her eyes began to roll around in her head. James's expression went flat when she fell on her side, unconscious. "Goodness damn it, Applejack," he Facewhipped. Applejack's senses were slowly rebooting. Her ears were having the most progress. "Applejack? Applejack," she heard a voice call her name. As she opened her eyes, her blurry vision cleared to see Twilight standing above her. "...Huh?" she eventually let out a verbal response. A relieved smile appeared on Twilight's face. "Oh, good. You're awake." That was all she got out before-- KLPOW! James was right next to her. He had a mildly stressed expression on his face. His voice was calm. "Alright, look. I believe I speak for all of us when I say this has gone on far too long. It's hurting everyone, including yourself. I am personally, to put it bluntly, sick and f***ing tired of cleaning up after your mistakes." His expression softened as she frowned at the trees still adorned with apples. "We hate seeing you like this. And I know you aren't too fond of it either. So can you please let us do something about it?" Applejack closed her eyes. "...Okay." Twilight replied without missing a beat. "We're not taking 'no' for an answer-- what?" her mind processed the cowpony's words. "Yes, Twilight. Yes, please," she put her hooves together as if she was begging. "I could really use your help." Twilight chuckled before she and James let out a sigh of relief. Although James's was more like half relief, half exasperation. Dear Princess Celestia, My friend Applejack is the best friend a pony could ever have, and she's always there to help anypony. The only trouble is, when she needs help, she finds it hard to accept it, so while friendship is about giving of ourselves to friends, it's also about accepting what our friends have to offer. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle Applejack's best friends were all in the fields, helping with the harvest. Rainbow bucked a tree, the apples falling into the waiting cart attached to Pinkie's back. Rarity carried some saddle baskets full of apples to where they needed to be. (How the f*ck Fluttershy got the apples to fall out of the intended tree and into her cart, without seemingly doing anything, I have no idea.) James (and Conscience, who conveniently landed on the farm no too long after they started) had his hammer, and was also helping relieve the trees of their fruit. Of course, he wanted to check something with Applejack first. *** Pinkie, Rarity, Rainbow, and Fluttershy had all shown up to help with the orchard. As they began to scatter to work on various parts of the field, James caught Applejack before she got too far. "Applejack," he called. "Yeah?" she turned around. He walked up to her. "Do me a favor, could you." "And what's that?" she raised an eyebrow. "I need you to kick me." Applejack processed the words slowly. James had to admit that her reaction was rather well. She deadpanned at him, her tone flat. "...What?" "I don't want to hit the tree so hard to the point where it'll break. And if I'm true to myself, I don't wanna waste our time adjusting my power depending on how many apples fall. So... I need you to kick me." She frowned with a pause. "James... Ah ain't gonna do that," she shook her head. "Come on, just one time, that's it." "Ah just don't wanna hurt you..." "I'll be fine, Ajax. I can take a hit! Don't worry about it." "...Are you really sure you want me to do this...?" "Yes. Help me help you by hitting me as hard as you'd hit a tree," James nodded. Hesitantly, Applejack turned around. "Alright.... You asked fer this...." she reared her legs back. James put his hands behind his back. "Ready when you are," he braced himself. Applejack turned her head away as she shut her eyes. Then she shot her legs back. BAM! A grunt was forced out of James as he was sent flying against a tree. Luckily for them, the only one nearby was Rarity. ...Or maybe that was a bad thing...? "Good gracious! Are you alright, darling?" she exclaimed as she ran over to help James up. "What was that for, Applejack?" "A-Ah'm sorry!" the orange earth pony panicked. "He asked me to do it!" Rarity looked at James as he stood up. "Is this true, James?" "Yes. Yes it was," he catch-phrased while dusting himself off before he directed a reassuring smile to Applejack. "See? Was that so hard?" (After that, he hit Conscience with the same amount of force as Applejack, so he knew how hard to hit the tree. Conscience, on his part, was rather relieved. It was probably the first time he wasn't hit so Violently by James that day.) *** Applejack came over with a cart full of beverages. "How about y'all take a little break? Ah got some fine apple juice waitin' for ya!" she called out. "James, girls, Ah can't thank you enough for this help." she frowned while looking downward as her friends walked up to her. "Ah was acting a, bit stubborn..." "A bit?" Twilight smirked at the farm pony, while James just deadpanned at her. Applejack smiled nervously. "Okay. A mite stubborn. And Ah'm awful sorry." "Sheesh, Ajax, we already forgave you! You're gonna end up makin' me cry over here," James chuckled, despite being serious. "And Ah'm grateful. Really, Ah am. Now, I know the town gave me... and James," she added as an afterthought, "the Prized Pony award. But the real award, is having--" "CELERY!!" Conscience suddenly shouted. All the girls looked startled by the outburst (as well as Spike, who was just entering the scene, figuratively speaking), especially Fluttershy, while James just frowned at him. And that somehow bore down on him worse than any death stare he or James ever threw at each other. "...Sorry," he wilted. "...It's fine, Conscience," James facepalmed. "Phew. That apple-bucking sure made me hungry," Rainbow said, breaking the tension. "And I got the perfect treat," Spike smiled as he held up-- "What in the f***!" James and Conscience exclaimed in unison. "Eew, Spike, I threw those all away," Pinkie recoiled from the monstrosity that were the muffins. "Where'd you get them?" "From the trash!" Spike answered. "EEW!" the girls blanched while-- POP! Conscience Pop Fainted. "Just a little nibble? Come on," Spike pressed as they all left. Everyone uttered their disagreement. James particularly rushed to the front of the group. He was sick of looking at those. ...No pun intended. [Ending Song] Author's Note Me: Well, that was a bittersweet finish. Conscience: As far as we're concerned... Me: *sighs deeply and shoots self in the head* Blue Star: They do know comments are appreciated, right? Conscience: *jumps and turns around in surprise* When the f*ck did you get here!?" Blue Star: T_T ...You guys said I could draw in the corner while you worked? Conscience: ...Oh, yeah...
"Snake. Snake! SNAAAKE!""...How did we even get here?" Conscience asked in confusion as he stared distantly ahead. James smiled deviously (at the camera). "I have no idea," he shook his head. James and Conscience stood side by side, surrounded by cows. A whole lot of them. A lot of them were light brown and white instead of black and white. A few were even completely brown, no white at all. "Why are we doing this again?" Conscience asked. "For booze, dumbass, we came out here for booze," James deadpanned at him. "...But, couldn't we have just went to the market in Ponyville?" "I did, earlier this morning," James said. "But the merchant was out of stock." "...Oh." "So, if the merchant was out of stock, I thought: 'Why not find out the source of the booze?' And now... um... well, sh** happened," James faltered. "Right," Conscience nodded comprehensively. "..." "...Umm... so, what do we do now?" Conscience looked around, completely lost. "Now? We wait," James put his hands behind his back as he stared ahead, a stoic expression on his face. "For who, the merchant?" "Yes. ...Though while I wouldn't mind standing here for a long period of time, I'd still like to do something a little more constructive. Fortunately, I brought a book to read," James held up a book that was at least a half inch wide. Conscience raised an eyebrow. "That's a thick-ass book. How long are we gonna be here, again?" "Better not be too long," James furrowed his eyebrows as he held out the book to Conscience. "...What am I supposed to do with this?" Conscience stared at the book blankly. "Um... read it out loud?" James intoned sarcastically. "Why? I hate reading out loud!" Conscience argued. By this point, the cows, who had been slightly on edge upon their arrival about five minutes ago, had decided to ignore them and continued to graze the grass. "Well, duh. So you know how I feel!" "You do it," Conscience gave the book back to James. "No, you," James returned it. "Fine. Rock Paper Scissors," Conscience suggested. James facepalmed. "Ugh, fine, best of five." They held out their hands. Then shook them rhythmically. Conscience chanted the three tools out loud. "Rock, paper, scissors! GOT IT!" Conscience won with rock. "Rock, paper, scissors! DAMN IT!" Conscience lost to James's scissors. "Rock, paper, scissors! DAMN IT!" he lost to James's rock. "Rock, paper, scissors! GOT IT!" he won with paper. "Rock, paper, scissors!" he held out his scissors to James's rock. Before he could Explode in frustration, James suddenly pulled out a sword and sliced the sh*t out of him. James then threw Conscience to the ground, and then thrust the sword into his back. "CALIFORNIA ROLL!" James Cheerfully raised his fist victoriously in the air. Conscience winced as he pulled the sword out of his back. "You haven't even been to California," he pulled out a Star Candy and ate it. "Let alone eaten a California roll." "I know," James smiled triumphantly as he tossed the book into his hands. "Now start reading. Begin with the front cover, if you please." Conscience Facewhipped with his free hand, before glared at the book. "James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl," he intoned. He was too pissed to notice James smirking (at the camera) upon hearing his name. "The old man said to him, '…Marvelous things will start happening to you, fabulous, unbelievable thingssss – and you will never be miserable again in your life.'" James, who was lost in the story (despite Conscience not reading like he meant it), was snapped back to reality. "Why'd you say 'things' like that?" Conscience rose an eyebrow, the deadpan still on his face. "What? I said 'things.'" "No, you said 'thingsssss,'" James pointed. "No I didn't," Conscience blinked in confusion, his face finally showing emotion for once in a half hour. James looked around. First at the sky, then around at the cows. They were still idly standing around, silent as f*ck. Nothing seemed different than it did when they got there. At least, not until he looked at the ground. There, right next to his foot was a snake. A green one, about half as long as he or Conscience was tall. James bit his lip to keep from yelping in surprise. He didn't want to cause any commotion. "Conscience," James hissed. "What, what's the pro--?" Conscience's breath caught in his throat as he saw what James was looking at. "Get it. Get it!" he hissed back quietly. "S-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s," the snake's gaze fell on James. James panicked and reached behind his back and pulled out his black hammer. He fumbled with it before finally getting a grip on the handle, and swinging at the snake. He got a direct hit, sending the snake flying a fair distance in the air. "Phew," Conscience sighed in relief. His eyes widened again when it landed on the ground... right in front of a cow's face. "...Sh**," James deadpanned. Said cow's eyes widened almost instantly before she (you could tell from its voice it was a she) cried out. "Snaaake!" "Snake!?" several cows surrounding her looked at her and saw what she was looking at. "Snake!?" the others repeated in alarm. It was crazy how quickly the word spread across the entire herd, practically like wildfire. James and Conscience barely processed what was happening, when all the cows started running. They didn't have much time to react (which is saying something) before they were rammed into, launched into the air. They got up slightly dazed as they looked behind them to see cows leaving the soon-to-be empty field, the occasional moo resounding from the herd. "...Well, you f***ed up," Conscience said nonchalantly as he merged with James, whose eyes went from X's back to normal. "Wow... let's do that again," James got up to Flash after them. KLPOW! And then he was gone. Author's Note O_O Ohoh, sh*t. I almost forgot my character tag! ... "CALIFORNIA ROLL!"
"'Scuse me, please, sliiide to the right!"Mr. Original’s Dictionary Original Edition Violently /vī(ə)ləntlē/ adv. -done in a very reckless or harsh manner *** High Chortle /hī CHôrdl/ vb. -when one titters or chuckles in a high pitch *** Stryker Win Pose /strīkər win pōz/ n. -a victory gesture when one fires rapidly at the sky (with any type of gun), before twirling the gun along their fingers and putting the gun away [Theme Song] It only took about three seconds for him to get the cows back in his sight. "There they are," James said to himself. In a single Flash, he was running right behind them. "Damn it, what now?" he asked, stumped. His thoughts became even more difficult to collect when he saw Ponyville come into view. "Aw, come on!" James rolled his eyes in frustration. He was gonna make Conscience come out and help him. Maybe they could get them to detour to the left or right by Exploding at the bridge or something. But before he could put that plan into action, a figure in the herd caught his eye. As he looked closer, it looked like a pony. It was orange, and had a stetson on its head. Blonde mane and tail, too. James added that up, and got... "Applejack?" James raised an eyebrow. He saw a much smaller figure, that was brown (a darker one than the cows) and white. "And she has a dog? Since when?" KLPOW! Applejack looked next to her in confusion as James was suddenly running beside her. "Applejack, what in the freakin' name of the Freakin' Freik Freek freakin' freak are you doing here!?" James called out above the stampeding herd. "What does it look like Ah'm doin'? Tryin' to stop this here herd from gettin' to town," she replied. "Other side, Winona." Upon that, the dog barked in acknowledgement before obeying. "Winona?" James repeated to himself. "...That's a nice name." "Put 'em up, girl!" Applejack called out to Winona, who barked back from the opposite side. "Come on, little doggies! Turn!" James watched as she purposely bumped into the cow next to her, before whistling. James deadpanned (at the camera). "Yeah, no, I just dry-cleaned this outfit." He looked at the cow he was running next to. "Um, excuse me?" he called politely. He didn't expect to actually get its attention, but he did. "Terribly sorry, but you wouldn't mind running a little more to the right, would you? There's dust getting on my clothes, and I was planning to go somewhere today. And it's not much time before I have to be there," he lied. To his surprise, the cow actually obliged. "Thank you," he smiled and nodded. When the cow faced forward again as they all continued to run, James Cheerfully pumped a fist in the air. "Nailed it!" Twilight looked closer at the other figure that stood out from the herd. "Is that... James?" she squinted. "Yeah, it is!" Rainbow exclaimed as she flew higher to get a better look. "He's helping stop the herd!" "Winona, put 'em up," Applejack called to her dog. James looked as Winona jumped up and began running to the front on top of the cows, jumping from back to back. "Wow, Winona kicks ass," James complimented as Applejack jumped on a cow's back. "Ha hah! Gotcha," she said as she saw the cow at the front leading the herd. She then pulled out a lasso and expertly spun it with her teeth before throwing the loop, and catching the cow's head. She jumped up front with Winona, before pulling the lasso sideways. As expected, she got the cow to change direction, the following cows doing the same. "YEEHAW!" she cried out. James could barely make out the rest of the girls from the far distance cheering. "Whoooa!" Applejack skidded to a stop, the cows following suit. "Hoo-ie," she tossed her lasso aside, James catching it on reflex. "Now what was that all about," she walked up to one of the cows (as James put the lasso up. You know, behind his back). The one addressed spoke up. "Mooo," she said before clearing her throat. "Oh my! Begging your pardon, Applejack, but Moooriella here," she gestured to the practically golden-colored cow next to her, "saw one of those nasty snakes." All the other cows gasped. James, who was behind Applejack, flushed a red color as he tensely looked around at them. "And it just gave us all the willies, don'tcha know." "I completely understand," Applejack nodded. "Just next time, try and steer clear of Ponyville." "We certainly will, Applejack. So long, Winona!" the cow called to the dog as the herd turned and headed back. Winona barked cheerfully. "Damn it, she's adorable," James Grief Grimaced. "But anyway, that snake should be dead by now, they probably trampled it to death in their panic." He frowned. "I can't help but feel sorry for it." As he, Applejack, and Winona stopped on top of a hill, they saw Rarity, Fluttershy, Pinkie, Rainbow, and Twilight whooping and hooting. James looked to his left, then his right, before back at the girls. "Who, me?" he pointed at himself questioningly. Conscience came out with a machine gun. "YEEEEEEEEEAH!!" he Cheerfully did the Stryker Win Pose. "YEEHAW!" Applejack kicked her forelegs in the air before running down the hill, Winona barking as she followed. "Hey, where're you going!?" James called as he ran after her, Conscience following behind them. James was standing patiently behind a crimson curtain on the stage outside of Town Hall. He was still pondering what in the world he was supposed to be doing. Ah, well. I guess I should know when the time comes. How could I possibly f*ck up? He peeked through the unnoticed opening of the curtain, and saw all the ponies crowded around the stage. Then he saw Twilight walking up to the podium. Ooh, Twilight's giving a speech! A long one, no less. Heheh, reminds me of my high school years, James thought as he saw the thick stack of index cards she was levitating next to her. He'd never forget his music speech he had for his exam. Five hundred thirty three slides long. The best part was the win-win benefit for him and his teacher. She got to enjoy his hard (and overdoing) work. While he in return, got to make his classmates suffer through a entertainingly monotonous five-hour slide show on his music preferences, as punishment for making the teacher deal with their unbearable bullsh*t. Win-win indeed. James returned his focus to Twilight as she smiled and began. "Welcome, everypony! Today we are here to honor, two ponies we can always count on to help in matters great, and small," she switched to the next card. "Ponies whose contributions to--" "Did you see James and Applejack's slick moves out there? What athletes!" Rainbow Dash popped up, disorienting Twilight's cards... and sparking James's fuse. "This week, Applejack's gonna help me with my new flying trick, and I know, it's gonna be so, awesome!" her voice cracked. "Exactly!" Twilight pushed her away from the podium. Then she levitated her cards back (miraculously still organized) to continue. "And--" "This week, I get to run Sugarcube Corner for the first time!" Pinkie interrupted as she appeared right in front of Twilight... which was f*cking rude. If looks could cause physical damage, Pinkie might have caught fire with how James was glaring at her. "What does that have to do with Applejack?" Twilight put her hoof on her hip. (...It did not look comfortable.) Pinkie blinked a couple times, "...Oh! Applejack, one of the best bakers ever, is gonna help me. Applejack makes everything great, so free samples for everypony!" the audience cheered upon this announcement. "Okay, that's great," Twilight deadpanned as she nudged her from the podium. "Now if I could just make a point without being inter-" "Twilight?" "-rupted...," Twilight dropped her cards in annoyance. The only reason James facepalmed, instead of Facewhipping, was because it would draw attention. More importantly, it would draw attention away from Twilight. And he really wanted to hear that speech. At least Fluttershy had the decency to say something to her before taking over for the short time being... and apologizing. "Twilight, I'm so sorry, but I just wanted to mention that Applejack is also helping me this week with the official bunny census, where we count up all the new baby bunnies that were born this season. She's gonna help gather them using her wonderful herding skills." Fluttershy wilted under Twilight's annoyed gaze before slinking away. "Anyone else? Anyone?" literally not a single pony met her gaze. "No? Well then, as I was trying to say...," Twilight trailed off as she noticed Mayor Mare smiling expectantly at her. "...UGH! Nevermind!" she frustratingly threw her cards in the air as the mayor took the stage. Meanwhile behind the curtain, James had his hat covering his face as he said several incomprehensible curse words while flailing his arms Violently in every possible direction. James put his hat back on correctly as he heard Mayor clear her throat. "And so, with no further ado, it is my privilege to give the prize, Pony of Ponyville Award, to our beloved guests of honor, two ponies of the utmost trustworthiness, reliability, and integrity. Two of Ponyville's most capable and dependable friends: Applejack and James!" The crowd cheered as the curtain opened... to reveal James straightening his hat (even though it was already straight, but he was stressed, for obvious reasons). He did stop, however when he realized he was now the center of attention. "Cool! Way to go you guys, that was awesome! I mean-- heh," Spike's cheeks flushed as he noticed no one else was cheering. While Twilight glared at him for a second, James on the other hand, stifled a giggle on the inside. He felt better already. The mayor shifted nervously in the uneasy silence. Then she cleared her throat uncomfortably. James took this as a cue. "O-Oh!" James's eyes lit up in realization as Mayor Mare left it. KLPOW! There he was, in front of all these ponies... and dragon. Had this been a different case, he would've been apprehensive. He decided to start off with a little humor. That usually helped break the ice, didn't it? "Well, I only have one thing to say to that introduction. ...I'm not a 'pony,' Twilight," he said, causing her to blush. He smirked at her to let her know he wasn't upset. "Anyway!" he continued, trying to change the subject. "I had a speech prepared for you guys. It should be somewhere behind this podium, actually, so I'm gonna see if I can find that. In the meantime, I'll hand the spotlight over to Conscience, ...my conscience." True to James's word, his state of mind made himself known. As James stooped down to look for his index, Conscience darted his eyes around the audience before speaking. "Hey, everyone! It's your good ol' neighborhood, Conscience, heehee!" he High Chortled. "Now," he went on, "First off, I'd like to give a head's up to Applejack's dog, Winona. We owe thanks to her, too. Because while Applejack may have been able to handle that whole situation by her own self, Winona did make herself useful. She sure could jump, I'll give her that. And I swear, you don't see dogs get any more adorable than that very often. "Now on another note, I'd like to hear the rest of Twilight's speech, not gonna lie. And speaking of which, since there's apparently only one trophy, I will dissolve any dispute right now and say that Applejack can have it. She's the type that knows just how to treat a collected accolade, you can tell just by looking at her. Plus, that thing looks nothing like me," Conscience quipped, actually earning a chuckle from some of the ponies in the audience. "Now watch me smoke this tongue turner-wrong!" Turn-wrong was his and James's way of saying 'twist.' "*Ahem* How much wood could Chuck Woods' mother f--" "Found it!" James popped up, Conscience stepped slightly to his left as he stood in front of the podium again. He popped up at that time on purpose. He was going to let Conscience have a little more time, but he wasn't letting him finish that tongue twister. He remembered coming up with that when he was in middle school. He only ever told it to the guys... but no one else. James looked at the card briefly before tossing it behind him. In exact words, he recited his speech. "I appreciate all of your appreciation. Thank you. Thank you very much," he nodded. James raised an eyebrow as he noticed that the crowd of ponies were looking at him as if he'd continue. "Um... that's the end of the speech, everyone." "Uh, t-thank you for that, James," the mayor said as James and Conscience stepped down from the podium, her taking their place. "Unfortunately, it appears that Applejack--" "Ah'm here!" a voice piped from the crowd, getting closer to the stage. The audience cleared a path to reveal the other guest of honor herself, who was carrying two baskets of apples (some of which fell on the ground) on her back. "Ah'm here!" she repeated before yawning. "Sorry I'm late--whoa--I was just-- whooa... Did I get your tail?" she mumbled apologetically to a random pony she passed by on her way to the front. Upon reaching it, she got slightly too close to the mayor's face. "Miss Mayor," she smiled tiredly at Mayor Mare before pushing her away from the podium. Conscience stifled a laugh and held an index card to James that read: 'Zero f*cks given,' causing James to stifle a High Chortle. "Thank you kindly for this here, uh-- award, thingy." This got another stifled High Chortle, this time from Conscience, as Applejack yawned again while walking up to the trophy. "It's so bright and shiny and, heh, heh heh, I sure do look funny, heh," Applejack chuckled as she looked at her disoriented reflection on the award. Then she rocked her head back and forth as she continued to stare at herself on the trophy. "Woow-woow heh." Pinkie joined her, following with a coordinated chorus of, "Wooh-woow-woow. And then Conscience walked over and joined in from the other side. Unable to stand it any longer, James put his head down on the podium and laughed his ass off. "Okay," Twilight looked around awkwardly. "Well, thank you Applejack for saving us from that scary stampede, and always being there for everypony," she smiled gratefully. "You're such a hero!" Conscience agreed Cheerfully... before he silently continued to rock his head back and forth. Applejack yawned. "Yeah. I like helping the ponyfolks and *yawn* and stuff." And then she closed her eyes, snoring. Everyone looked uneasy as she stood there, comatose. James rose an eyebrow and looked around. "Umm..." Suddenly, Applejack shook her head. "Oh, U-uh, yeah. Uh, thanks!" she proceed to grab the trophy by its handle with her teeth. Everyone watched silently as she dragged her award down the same path she arrived on. "...I'm almost okay with this!" James Epic Shrugged. Twilight spoke up. "Was it just me, or did Applejack seem a little--" "Tired?" Rainbow finished. "Dizzy?" Fluttershy added. "Messy?" Rarity saw the odd looks her friends gave her. "Well, did you see her mane?" "It wasn't that bad," James deadpanned at her. "There were only a few strands out of place." "She seemed fine to me," Pinkie said before she continued to make 'wooing' sounds. "You think she might wanna be a fire fighter one day?" Conscience joked in amusement. "Hmm...," Twilight looked at where Applejack left. Meanwhile, James darted his eyes around, before he quickly collected Twilight's speech cards. Luckily for him, Twilight had put numbers in the corner to help keep track of her place.
"On the count of three! One!" *BOOM!*"On the count of three! One!" *BOOM!* Applejack went to a tree and kicked it, causing the apples to fall into the baskets waiting below. Then she did the same with the tree across from it. After kicking another tree after that, she stopped for a quick breather, allowing her fatigue the opportunity to strike. But she wouldn't let it get the best of her. She shook herself awake to continue working. Unfortunately, fatigue sent his regards. Thus, Applejack kicked at the tree she already relieved its apples from. However, she was too far a distance, and nearly tripped from hitting nothing but air. "What on Earth is that pony doing?" Twilight said out loud to herself as she watched Applejack drowsily kick one of the apple-laden baskets over. James stood next to her, his hands behind his back. "Shouldn't we say something instead of standing here and watching like ass****s?" James raised an eyebrow. Twilight rolled her eyes before she returned her focus to the orange mare, who was on her way to pick up the befallen apples she just spilled. "Hey, Applejack!" The pony addressed stopped walking, just to doze of again. "Applejack? ...Applejack!" Twilight fruitlessly called again as Applejack began to snore. The way she snored did not go unnoticed by James. "Do ponies usually neigh in their sleep?" James asked Twilight as he squinted in curiosity. Twilight ignored him as she exasperatedly teleported in front of her. "Applejack!" At last, the cowpony jolted awake and (tried to) shake her head clear of its drowsiness. "Oh. Howdy, Twilight," she gave a tired smile as she walked past Twilight. KLPO-PO-PO-PO-POW! James quickly picked up the apples Applejack knocked over, and put them back in the designated basket, before catching up with the two. "What is all this?" Twilight looked around. "It's Applebuck season," Applejack answered. She bucked another tree's apples down, but was startled when Twilight teleported in front of her. "Apple-what season?" she asked as Applejack recovered and continued past her, James following. "It's what the Apple family calls harvestin' time," she explained as Twilight once again teleported to catch up. "We gather all the apples from the trees so we can sell 'em." James had a brief idea of how large the orchard was when he and Twilight walked through it. "Damn, how many customers do you get to be selling this many apples!?" he exclaimed in shock. "Ponyville is pretty schmall, so obviously you're selling this all over the place." "Supposedly," Twilight replied before speaking to Applejack again. "But why are you doing it all alone?" "'Cause Big Macintosh hurt himself," she replied rather flatly before Twilight teleported in front of her again. She was already used to it by then. It was starting to piss James off. Though he didn't show it, his patience wasn't being tested... Yet. "What about all those relatives I've met when I first came to Ponyville? Can't they help?" Twilight frowned. Applejack sighed as she continued past Twilight. "They were just here for the Apple family reunion. They actually live all over Equestria and are busy harvestin' their own orchards. So, uh, Ah'm on my own." Twilight appeared in front of her again. "Which means Ah should really get back to work." Twilight, who had a flat look on her face, didn't budge so James nudged her. "Don't be rude, excuse yourself," his eyebrows furrowed slightly as he moved to his right. "Fine," she said dismissively as she moved over to her left. "Uh, could you step aside, Twilight?" Applejack swayed from side to side, like she could collapse any moment. James Grief Grimaced. "I just did. ...Applejack, you don't look so good." Applejack's vision tripled as she looked at Twilight and James, who looked concerned. She shook her head as she continued past them. "Don't any of you six worry none, Ah'm just fine and dandy." "...What in the f***...?" James said out loud to himself. He caught Twilight before she could teleport and gave her a pointed look, causing her to groan in exasperation before walking over to the cowpony. "Do you... want some help?" Twilight raised an eyebrow. "Help?" Applejack looked at Twilight like she was crazy, before she shook her head. "No way, no how." Twilight frowned. "But there's no way you can do it all on your own." She recoiled when Applejack suddenly got in her face. "Is that, a challe--" KLPOW! James lightly pushed Applejack away in exasperation. "What she means is that it would be a lot easier if you got some friends to work with you. So what if you can harvest all this on your own," James shrugged (even though he was not sure if what he said was true). "But it would be a lot less trouble if you let us help you out." "Exactly!" Twilight pointed in agreement. Applejack wasn't convinced. "Oh, yeah? Well, Ah'm gonna prove to you that I can do it! Now if you'll excuse me, Ah've got apples to buck!" Twilight's face crunched up with worry. James just stared at the departing Applejack with a look of disbelief and irritation. "...Was I f***ing talking to myself, or some sh**?" Rainbow Dash sighed quietly in annoyance as she stood with expert balance on the top of a fence post, tapping her hoof impatiently. She turned when she heard the sound of someone skidding across the ground. "There you are," she said flatly. She noticed two others beside her. "What are you guys doing here?" James furrowed his eyebrows. "Well, if you must know, we were interested in this 'trick' you were planning. Thought we'd see it in action." Conscience put up his index. "Actually, I'm here to see you fail." This comment earned him a smack in the back of the head by James. Applejack yawned. "Ah'm a mite sorry, Rainbow. Ah was busy apple-bucking and Ah guess Ah, Ah closed my eyes for a second and, when Ah woke up, Ah was late. Now, what's this new trick o' yours?" Rainbow seemingly forgot about her past irritation and spoke with vigor. "See this contraption?" she pointed at a leverage catapult, a giant elevated platform right next to it. "Uh... yeah," Applejack answered. "Well, I'm gonna stand on one end, then you're gonna jump down from that platform, launching me into the air faster than I can take off on my own. Once I'm in the air, I'm gonna do some amazing flips and spins that are sure to impress the Wonderbolts." Conscience stared blankly as he pictured the trick in his head. "...Uuh..." POP! He Pop Fainted in consequence. "Isn't that a mite dangerous?" Applejack frowned. "Heh, not for a pony who can fly," Rainbow said reassuringly, unaware of the glare James was giving her. "Well, alright-y, then," Applejack followed her over to the catapult. James followed suit (after he revived Conscience so he could do the same). Applejack got on top of the platform, and looked down. As if the height wasn't intimidating enough, her disoriented vision made it worse. "Oh, my..." "Ready?" Rainbow called from the end of the catapult. "One. Two. Three!" THUD "HO-LY SH**!" Conscience and James recoiled with a start as Applejack harshly faceplanted the dirt road. It would've been comical how she looked flattened to anyone else. But Conscience was too surprised to say anything, while James didn't find it funny in the slightest. Rainbow did not appear concerned at all as she walked up to the orange mare. "Umm... maybe I wasn't clear. You're supposed to land on the other end." Applejack pulled herself up, her eyes rolling in her head. "Got it," she said in a disoriented tone. James sighed in relief as she went back up to try again. The next few attempts didn't go so well either. Conscience was Grief Grimacing and James kept cringing every time Applejack fell to the ground, each time looking more painful. "Applejack, what the hay is going on? I mean, I thought I was working with Ponyville's best athlete!" Rainbow glowered, her expression being mirrored by James, who was glaring back at Rainbow. Applejack shook her head "You are. Ah'm okay. Really. A-Ah have an idea. Watch this." She walked over to the end opposite of Rainbow and reached for it. She grunted as she pushed down on it, until it touched the ground. "Ta-daaa!" "Psh. Get on my level," Conscience Signature Shrugged. James couldn't help but smile in amusement. Rainbow didn't find it as funny as she narrowed her eyes dangerously at the farm pony. "Oh... Maybe not. Okay, one more try. Ah'm sure to get it this time," Applejack abruptly let go of her end, causing Rainbow to ungracefully drop back to the ground, dazed. "Heh. Here Ah go!" She regained her bearings just in time to see Applejack jumping off the platform. "Wait! Applejaaaaaaaaaa--!" she was already sent flying. "You're welcooome!" Applejack called out. James sighed and rolled his eyes in exasperation before he Flashed after her. Conscience watched as Rainbow disappeared into the distance. "...Damn...I wanna try that!" He jumped onto the platform. He shouted as he ran off the platform, "SCOTT JOPLIN, MUTHA F***AAAAA--!" KLPOW! With expert timing, he Flashed over to the opposite end before it went all the way upward from his momentum against the side he landed on. Miraculously, he flew almost exactly Rainbow's velocity in the same direction. "That sh** actually woooooorked!" "Huh... well, ain't that somethin'...," Applejack looked after them in awe before she began her trip back home. Back at the library, Twilight was enjoying some books on her balcony when out of nowhere... KLPOW! "James...?" she looked up to see James with a flat look on his face, as he put his hands in the air, as if trying to catch something. "What are you do--" she paused as she heard a screaming voice come closer to them. With a loud thud, James was now holding a roughed up Rainbow Dash. "Can I help you?" Twilight raised an eyebrow. "I think somepony else needs your help," was the response from the cyan pegasus. Twilight already knew who it was. "Applejack?" "Yep." Rainbow's head dropped in exhaustion. Twilight's eyebrows furrowed. James sighed. "Hold on a second." He put Rainbow down next to him. He turned around to see a Tornado Spinning Conscience flying head-first in his direction. He pulled out his cape, shifted to the left, and swung. Just as intended, Conscience took a ninety-degree turn, flying away from the library. James put his cape away. "Okay, let's go." Twilight probably didn't see Applejack accidentally hit her head against a branch after trying to pick up an apple, but James sure did. He shook his head, as a deep sigh escaped his lips. He and Twilight approached her. "Applejack can we talk?" Twilight asked softly. She saw Applejack rub at her ear before looking at her questioningly. "Applejack, can we talk?" she repeated. "'Can bees squawk?' Ah don't think so!" Applejack said rather loudly. "No. Can we talk?" Twilight repeated calmly. "'Twenty stalks?' Bean or celery?" Applejack might as well have shouted. Twilight was getting impatient. "No, I need to talk to you," she spoke a bit louder. "'You need to walk to the zoo?' Well, who's stoppin' you?" "I need to talk to you!" "Oh! Well why didn't you say so? What you wanna talk about?" Twilight had to keep her voice a bit louder so Applejack could hear. "Rainbow Dash dropped in to see me today." She and James heard a ba-dum tss. They turned around to see Conscience with a small drum set. James deadpanned at him, then shook his head. "I don't even..." Twilight rolled her eyes before turning back to Applejack. "That's quite neighborly of her," the farm pony answered. "Yes, except that she crashed onto my balcony after you launched her into the air." "Oh. Yeah," Applejack got quiet. She turned around and hung her head. "Ah wasn't feeling quite myself this morning." "Because you're working too hard and you need help," Twilight walked up to her. Applejack looked up. "Kelp? Ah don't need kelp. Ah don't even like seaweed." Conscience found a reference in this, and decided to make a smart-ass comment. "Smoke weed every da--" POW! James shot him in the head with a sniper, without even turning to look at him. "HELP! YOU NEED HELP!" Twilight yelled. "Nothin' doin', Twilight. Ah'm gonna prove to you, to everypony, that Ah can do this on my own," she walked away, not looking where she was going. Thus, she once again bumped her head on the branch from earlier, letting out a quiet 'ow.' "Now if you'll excuse me, Ah've gotta go help Pinkie Pie," she finished, cross-eyed, as she stumbled away. "Uugh," Twilight moaned in frustration. "Maaaybe I should see if she'll be alright," James suggested. He looked at the sniper in his hand, which he hadn't put away yet. Then he shrugged and pointed it at his head. "Might as well." POW! [Later at Sugarcube Corner...] "Now Pinkie Pie, are you sure you're up for baking the muffins and running the store this afternoon?" Cup Cake asked as she and her husband, Carrot Cake, packed up their things. "Yes siree bob, Mrs. Cake. Plus, I have Ponyville's prized pony to help me out. Why, she's the best baker ever. Right, Applejack?" she turned to the orange mare next to her. Applejack, for her part, could barely hear anything correctly. She shook her head to try and rid herself of the ringing in her ears. "No? You're not the best baker ever?" Mr. Cake frowned. "What? Oh no! Ah mean... don't you fret. Ah can bake anything from fritters to pies, in the blink of an eye," she reassured. Just then, everyone heard the door open. They all turned to see who it was. It wasn't even two seconds before Pinkie spoke up. "Ooh! Hi, James! Are you here to help, too?" "Huh? Oh. Um, sure, I guess," he answered subconsciously as he rubbed his hand against the side of his face. Mrs. Cake sighed in relief. "All right. Well, see you three later!" she said as she and Mr. Cake headed out the door. Applejack vigorously shook her head left and right before Pinkie gripped both sides of her face with her hooves. "Stop with the shakin'. It's time to get bakin'!" James's mind caught up with him as he realized what Pinkie just said. "...Sh*t," he facepalmed. He wasn't sure whether or not he didn't Facewhip instead due to exhaustion or annoyance. ...It was probably annoyance. He felt like he could take on the world at that very moment if he had to, even though he wouldn't like it... at all... Pinkie's eyes scanned the ingredients in the cook book that stood up on the counter. "All right-y! I'll get the sugar and the eggs. Can you get me some chocolate chips?" she turned to James as well as a sleeping Applejack, whose eyes snapped wide for a second as she shook her head. "Eh... uh, what was that?" Applejack asked. "Chips," James replied without missing a beat. "Chips. Got it," she muttered something else James couldn't hear well as she walked over to the shelves lined with complimenting toppings and fixings. He didn't get much time to dwell on that thought, because the door opened, revealing none other than his own state of mind. "Conscience?" Conscience just pointed outside with a flat look on his face. James looked at Applejack, who grabbed something from the shelf. Then to Pinkie, who was still looking at the book. That was when he was Violently grabbed by the arm and pulled outside. When they barely made it out the door, James Violently pulled his arm away. "Damn it!" he hissed in irritation. "How'd you know I was here, anyway?" James raised an eyebrow. "Twilight told me you went to keep an eye on Applejack," Conscience replied. "Oh." "Really, James?" Conscience intoned. "A sniper?" James paused for at least three seconds before he realized what Conscience was talking about. "Wait, are you sore about what I shot you with?" he squinted in confusion. "And you wouldn't?" "...Okay, yeah, I would. But still, I couldn't think of anything else. I wanted to shoot you with a powerful gun, but I didn't want to get you with a machine gun. I thought it would ruin the moment. "...What moment?" Conscience narrowed his eyes dangerously. "The moment where I cut you off in the middle of your interruption by shooting you." Conscience just stared for a second. Neither of them noticed when Applejack came outside. They were too focused on one another (you never know when one of them will strike suddenly). "...You're sh**ing me, right?" Conscience said, breaking the silence. James groaned and rolled his eyes. "Why don't you think about what you'd do if you and I were in the opposite position. I'm gonna see how Applejack and Pinkie are doing." No sooner did he turn around did he trip and fall. He dusted himself off in irritation and looked behind him. A small hole met his gaze. "How the f*** did that get there...?" he muttered as he went inside. Conscience just stood there, pondering James's words. "...Whatever." He sighed in defeat before walking away. Meanwhile, James came in to see Pinkie putting some muffin trays in the oven. "Wait, we're done?" he asked in shock. "Well, of course silly, it wasn't that hard!" Pinkie chirped. "...Huh... well, alright," James Epic Shrugged. James stared at the steaming muffins. If he was true to himself, he was rather surprised. He was hoping Applejack didn't accidentally screw something up due to her fatigue, but it seemed she kicked ass in catering in her sleep. "Free muffin sample spectacular!" Pinkie called out from behind the counter. The crowd of waiting ponies looked hungrily at the appetizing-looking products before them. James had to stop himself from High Chortling when he saw one of them drooling. "Yeah! Muffin spectacles! Get 'em while they're hot!" Applejack added, causing James to frown at her in spite of her incorrect use of words. The nurse pony drew the curtain for Twilight, Spike, James, and Conscience. "We came as soon as we heard," Twilight spoke. "That's what she said," Conscience pointed with a smirk. James pulled out his hammer and sent him flying across the town. "Thank you, Twilight. We need all the help we can get," the nurse said as she looked at all the patients. Several ponies were moaning in pain, their faces green. "Oh no. What happened?" Twilight asked, concern in her voice. "It was a mishap with some of the baked goods," the nurse answered. "No. Not baked goods," Pinkie said from her bed. "Baked bads." Her cheeks puffed up, like she was going to lose her lunch any moment. If she didn't already lose it. Twilight grimaced before her eyebrows furrowed. "Applejack." James immediately Facewhipped. "Sh**! I knew I should've paid more attention! Applejack must've put something in there while Conscience and I were arguing." He looked at the nurse. "Excuse me, miss..." "Redheart," she answered. "Yeah, Redheart, so what are the symptoms so far?" "Well," she pondered, "there has been vomiting, stomach aches, headaches, light-headedness, and feelings of weakness in the limbs. Why do you ask?" James's eyes lit up for a second. "Oh, psh. Watch me smoke this." He pulled out a Refreshing Herb from Mario and Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story. In his other hand, he pulled out a smoke grenade. Then he shoved the two together, making a Refreshing Herb Grenade. He repeated the process once more. "Usually, the Herb will help for someone. But considering this is for more than one patient, these will help subject everyone to this quicker," he explained before pulling the pins and rolling them on two different sides of the room. Soon enough, green looking gas came from the grenades. It took a few seconds for the whole room to be filled. He noticed the nurse looking tense (not to mention most of the other patients upon seeing the gas). "Relax," he placed a hand on her shoulder, "this should have them feeling better in no time." He barely finished his sentence before the gas took effect. The green color gradually left the ponies' faces as they slowly stood up. They paused before realization sunk in. Everyone muttered to themselves in confusion. James Signature Blushed. "No pun intended." His nervous smile turned to a look of shocked horror when he saw Spike eating one of the muffins baked earlier. Spike noticed James looking at him, and held one out to him. "Want one?" he offered. POP! James Pop Fainted. Author's Note *looks at chapter ending* Hey I did that in my first story! At the ending, no less! I should be ashamed of myself...
"Psh, I'm not runnin' away, that sh*t's adorable!""Psh, I'm not runnin' away, that sh*t's adorable!" Mr. Original’s Dictionary Original Edition Tornado Slap /tôrˈnādō slap/ vb. -when James/Conscience slaps some(one/thing) so hard that they spiral into the air at breakneck speed *Time usually slows down temporarily upon contact to the target. Twilight and James arrived just in time to watch Applejack walk backwards with a cart load of apples saddled on her back, as she tipped over. James looked at the upside-down position Applejack who snored as the cart suspended her in the air. "...That does not look comfortable." "Applejack, we need to talk," Twilight said when they got close enough to her. Applejack stirred. "Wha-, Huh?" the farm pony looked around frantically before her gaze fell on the upside down unicorn in front of her, causing her to relax. "Oh. It's you, Twilight." She yawned, "Ah know what you're gonna say, but the answer is still no." "Not to upset your apple cart, but you need help," Twilight insisted. "Hardy har," Applejack replied flatly as she flailed her forelegs to right herself. "And no Ah don't." She flailed again, getting no results. "Here. Let me help," Twilight offered. "Help? No thanks," Applejack continued to flail and grunt with effort as she struggled to get her hooves back on the ground. Twilight facehoofed, while James's face remained neutral, his hands behind his back. Miraculously, the cowpony managed to right herself. "There. Ah'll prove that this Apple can handle these apples," she kicked at the tree next to her as James started picking up the apples that didn't make it inside the basket Applejack had just left. "Now come on... apples... fall off!" she grew frustrated as she repeatedly kicked with her hind leg, alas, no apples fell from above. "AJ, I think you're beating a dead... tree," Twilight said. The orange mare looked up. Indeed, it lacked any fruit... and leaves for that matter. "...Ah knew that," Applejack said casually. James couldn't help but chuckle in amusement. He spoke up from behind as they followed her down the orchard. "Yeah, so, you wouldn't believe this. We just came from the hospital, and found out--" "Y'know, Ah'm a little busy to get lectured right no--" KLPOW! A fire-eyed James was glaring in Applejack's face. "Look. Don't you dare say you aren't tired, I know you are, and I understand that. But I swear to goodness, if you ever interrupt me again, I will LEVEL THIS WHOLE F***ING ORCHARD!" he Exploded. Applejack (and Twilight) stared at him in shock. The fire in James's eyes went out as he cleared his throat. His expression went neutral again, and his voice returned to its level tone. "That was an outburst, I don't wanna do that. But please, for both of our benefit, don't cut me off anymore." And with that, he turned to leave... and nearly bumped into Conscience, who just showed up. He caught himself, though, and moved around him to continue on his way. Conscience wasn't even really paying attention to anything until he almost bumped into him. He was subconsciously looking at the trees that surrounded him. Thus, he didn't notice the state that James was in. He finally looked over at the girls. "Oh, hey, Twilight!" he waved Cheerfully, unaware of the frozen state she was in. "Did Applejack agree to let us help her yet?" This comment managed to break said mare out of her shock. "No, no, no! How many times, do Ah gotta say it? Ah don't need no help from nopony!" And then that comment snapped Twilight out of it. "Ugh. That pony is as stubborn as a mule." She stopped when she heard a familiar sound. "No offense," she smiled politely at the mule, who happened to be standing there next to her. "None taken," he replied. Conscience took this opportunity to get his drum set and play another ba-dum tss. [Meanwhile...] James was standing among a giant crowd of baby bunnies. He was going to head back to Twilight's to read a book, hopefully to calm himself down. But he crossed paths with an adorable sight of little fuzzy animals. They seemed to be minding their business, and not doing anything out of line. So he thought 'why not?' Upon first arriving, the bunnies seemed shy, keeping their distance from him. James hadn't done anything since he showed up, barely moving a muscle. Eventually, one little white bunny was brave enough to actually approach him. It sniffed at his leg, and then looked James in the eyes. James had decently long arms, so he barely had to stoop down to pet the bunny's head. The small creature accepted his affection, and rubbed his head along James's hand. James then proceeded to pick it up with his right hand, miraculously getting no protest from it. He then placed it on his left hand to continue stroking its fur. None of the other bunnies even gave him a second glance, probably because he was so still. But he was fine with that. He was used to not being paid any mind, as sad as that sounds. Subconsciously petting the bunny's back continuously, James sighed, a contented smile on his face. "I'm glad I decided to stay here, I feel better already." And then he heard a soft, welcoming voice. "Oh, Applejack, thank you so much for offering your herding skills for the annual rabbit roundup." He turned his head to the side to see Fluttershy... and her. Looking cranky, no less. "...I spoke too soon," James deadpanned. He gently placed the bunny back on the ground before he headed in their direction. Though they hadn't noticed him yet. "Ugh. Why, are we doin' this?" Applejack asked, sounding annoyed. Fluttershy continued to smile, apparently oblivious to the orange mare's testy demeanor. "Well, lots of new baby bunnies have been born, so it's my job to get a count of all the new families." "Fine. Can we just get on with it?" Applejack asked impatiently as she walked ahead. "Certainly, but remember, these are bunnies we're dealing with, not cows. They're a timid bunch and need to be treated gently." "Ah do not need any direction on corrallin' critters. Right, Winona?" Applejack asked the dog walking right next to her. Winona barked in agreement with a chipper attitude. By this point, James had caught up with them. "Hi, Fluttershy," James greeted. Fluttershy yelped as she whirled around to face the source of the new voice. "It's just me, Fluttershy," he assured patiently. Fluttershy eased up and smiled. "Oh. Hello, James. How are you doing?" "I'm doing alright, thanks for asking," James nodded. It didn't go unnoticed by him that she was the only one of their friends to ask him that question today. She was so considerate. "Not gonna lie, they sure are adorable," he looked at them all over the place. "Aren't they!" Fluttershy 'exclaimed' in agreement. "I just love tending to them." They approached a few bunnies. "Okay, little bunnies. I need you to all gather here in the middle." The bunnies smiled, looking as if they were going to comply... but then Applejack stepped in. "That's right. Let's go, bunnies! In the center! Hop to it," she demanded, causing the bunnies to immediately scurry away. James noticed that Applejack unintentionally cracked a pun, but didn't say anything. "Swell. Just swell," she complained to herself before running after them. "Put 'em up, Winona!" she called. Sure enough, Winona did her job well. She stayed on their tails, luring them out of their hiding spots. "Applejack, Winona, stop! You're scaring them!" Fluttershy frowned at the critters trying to escape the two advancing partners in crime. Applejack would hear none of it. "We know what we're doin'. Get along, little bunnies!" With little difficulty, she and Winona managed to corner them against the fence. "Great, their practically piled on top of each other," James said sarcastically as the two predators creeped up on their 'prey', "How are we supposed to count them accurately?" A sudden loud noise caused him to flinch so hard, that he almost punched himself in the face. The noise also caused the bunnies to scurry past everyone. "Son of a bitch pudding...," James cursed quietly as he scratched the back of his head. "I'm telling you, Twilight. We should just put her to sleep without her knowing, and then work inconspicuously on a schmall part of the orchard. Then she'll be rested enough to finish the rest of it, and not cause any more problems in town. Everyone wins!" Conscience threw his hands up triumphantly at his idea. "There is a sleeping spell, right?" "Yes, there is. But I haven't learned it," Twilight shook her head. "And even if I did know it, I still wouldn't use it. I'm not gonna force Applejack into something just because she's stubborn and independent." "Fine, suit yourself," Conscience Epic Shrugged. He turned around, however, when he heard Twilight gasp. He followed her gaze to see three familiar ponies sprawled on the ground in front of them. "Oh. ...Sh** just got dark," he blinked. Conscience wasn't sure if the ponies heard him, or Twilight's gasp, but they actually got up. "The horror, the horror!" the white, wildberry mane-colored mare on the right spoke up. "It was awful!" the magenta, yellow-maned mare on the left lifted her head. "A disaster. A horrible, horrible disaster," the slightly different magenta-coated, light green-maned mare in the middle said. Twilight looked at the town. It was quiet, everything looked alright. "...I don't get it," Twilight frowned. "Our gardens, destroyed," the second mare ran to a small field, which held little of what used to be flowers. "Every last flower devoured," the first one looked at some pots, the contained dirt supporting stems with no petals on the end. The last pony finished. "By... by... them!" she pointed a hoof in front of her. There were several bunnies munching on any different form of vegetation they could get their paws on. Fluttershy was frantically trying to get them to stop. "Alright. Enough is enough," Twilight narrowed her eyes. James came from out of nowhere and stood next to Twilight. "I don't even know how it got to this point." "I know, right? I thought these three got violated, or something!" Conscience gestured to the three mares. The good news? Neither Twilight nor said mares heard Conscience. The bad news? James did. He turned his head so slowly (Conscience could've sworn he heard creaking), that it took at least five whole seconds for Conscience to actually come into his vision. "What...?" Conscience defended. "I'm serious! I really thought they we--" *SMACK!* It happened so fast, no one saw it coming. Time seem to slow down so much, that it nearly stopped, as James's palm crossed Conscience's cheek. Conscience could feel his head being forced to his right in slow motion. It felt like a whole second, but in reality, it was merely a tenth of a second, before time went back to normal. *BOOM* Conscience (almost Explosively) shot into the sky from the force of James's hand, spinning uncontrollably. James noticed when he was seemingly at least a couple hundred feet in the air, an air cone started to build up around him, as if he could form a tornado any moment. Though he and James new better, that was never the case. At least... they never hit someone that hard for it to come to that point in the first place. He turned around, to see Twilight, a look of confusion contorted on her face. "What was that for?" she asked. "Oh, you know. He was reaching irrational conclusions from obvious context. So I Tornado Slapped him," James replied casually. James noticed there was a lack of commotion that was just going on behind him a second ago. He turned to see the rabbits were nowhere in sight. The only evidence of anything occurring, besides the dug up and unfinished plants, was a cowering Fluttershy, whose lower body was shakily sticking out of a thick bush. He walked over to her and called her name. "Fluttershy?" Fluttershy peeked out of the bush at the sound of the familiar voice. "Oh, James, is it gone?" she asked timidly. "Is what gone?" James asked, sincerely confused. "I don't know what it was. I was trying to get the baby bunnies to listen to me. But then something made this loud sound, and it startled me. Not to mention the bunnies. Oh, I hope they didn't go too far," she looked around in worry. "So do I. They shouldn't have gotten too far. If anything they should still be in town somewhere." "Well, maybe you're right...," she pondered. "I should look for them." "Alright. You need any help before I leave?" "Well... I guess not... I mean... if that's okay with you." "Perfectly fine!" James smiled Cheerfully. "I'll be around if you need help." By the time he walked back over to Twilight, his neutral expression was back. "Let's end this." Applejack's breath was labored as she tiredly bucked at a tree at the top of a hill. "Must... keep... buckin'.... Just... a few... more. Must finish harvestin'..." "Alright, Applejack," Twilight spoke sternly as she and James approached the farm pony. "Your apple-bucking hasn't just caused you problems, it's over-propelled pegasus, practically poisoned plenty of ponies, and terrorized bushels of brand new bouncing baby bunnies. I don't care what you say. You, need, help." "What was that alliteration for?" James raised an eyebrow, causing Twilight to blush. Applejack kicked the tree one last time, causing the last of its apples to fall into the basket. "Ha. No Ah don't. Look, Ah did it! Ah harvested the entire Sweet Apple Acres, without your help." James and Twilight looked ahead, to see a vast plethora of fruitless tress. "How d'ya like them apples?" James furrowed his eyebrows. Whether or not she completed the task, it bothered him how she was seemingly trying to rub her achievement in their faces. He never liked gloating. But if he ever happened to outshine an irritating braggart, he'd gloat in the most harsh way possible. He'd be angry as f*ck when he did it, but that made it all the more satisfying. He was about to speak his mind about her smug attitude, when someone else beat him to it. "Um... how do you like them apples?" Big Macintosh gestured with his eyes to a different part of the field after practically appearing out of nowhere. Applejack followed his gaze, and immediately her eyes widened. There was a large sh*tload of trees, still dotted with their trademark fruit. She mumbled incomprehensible words as her eyes began to roll around in her head. James's expression went flat when she fell on her side, unconscious. "Goodness damn it, Applejack," he Facewhipped. Applejack's senses were slowly rebooting. Her ears were having the most progress. "Applejack? Applejack," she heard a voice call her name. As she opened her eyes, her blurry vision cleared to see Twilight standing above her. "...Huh?" she eventually let out a verbal response. A relieved smile appeared on Twilight's face. "Oh, good. You're awake." That was all she got out before-- KLPOW! James was right next to her. He had a mildly stressed expression on his face. His voice was calm. "Alright, look. I believe I speak for all of us when I say this has gone on far too long. It's hurting everyone, including yourself. I am personally, to put it bluntly, sick and f***ing tired of cleaning up after your mistakes." His expression softened as she frowned at the trees still adorned with apples. "We hate seeing you like this. And I know you aren't too fond of it either. So can you please let us do something about it?" Applejack closed her eyes. "...Okay." Twilight replied without missing a beat. "We're not taking 'no' for an answer-- what?" her mind processed the cowpony's words. "Yes, Twilight. Yes, please," she put her hooves together as if she was begging. "I could really use your help." Twilight chuckled before she and James let out a sigh of relief. Although James's was more like half relief, half exasperation. Dear Princess Celestia, My friend Applejack is the best friend a pony could ever have, and she's always there to help anypony. The only trouble is, when she needs help, she finds it hard to accept it, so while friendship is about giving of ourselves to friends, it's also about accepting what our friends have to offer. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle Applejack's best friends were all in the fields, helping with the harvest. Rainbow bucked a tree, the apples falling into the waiting cart attached to Pinkie's back. Rarity carried some saddle baskets full of apples to where they needed to be. (How the f*ck Fluttershy got the apples to fall out of the intended tree and into her cart, without seemingly doing anything, I have no idea.) James (and Conscience, who conveniently landed on the farm no too long after they started) had his hammer, and was also helping relieve the trees of their fruit. Of course, he wanted to check something with Applejack first. *** Pinkie, Rarity, Rainbow, and Fluttershy had all shown up to help with the orchard. As they began to scatter to work on various parts of the field, James caught Applejack before she got too far. "Applejack," he called. "Yeah?" she turned around. He walked up to her. "Do me a favor, could you." "And what's that?" she raised an eyebrow. "I need you to kick me." Applejack processed the words slowly. James had to admit that her reaction was rather well. She deadpanned at him, her tone flat. "...What?" "I don't want to hit the tree so hard to the point where it'll break. And if I'm true to myself, I don't wanna waste our time adjusting my power depending on how many apples fall. So... I need you to kick me." She frowned with a pause. "James... Ah ain't gonna do that," she shook her head. "Come on, just one time, that's it." "Ah just don't wanna hurt you..." "I'll be fine, Ajax. I can take a hit! Don't worry about it." "...Are you really sure you want me to do this...?" "Yes. Help me help you by hitting me as hard as you'd hit a tree," James nodded. Hesitantly, Applejack turned around. "Alright.... You asked fer this...." she reared her legs back. James put his hands behind his back. "Ready when you are," he braced himself. Applejack turned her head away as she shut her eyes. Then she shot her legs back. BAM! A grunt was forced out of James as he was sent flying against a tree. Luckily for them, the only one nearby was Rarity. ...Or maybe that was a bad thing...? "Good gracious! Are you alright, darling?" she exclaimed as she ran over to help James up. "What was that for, Applejack?" "A-Ah'm sorry!" the orange earth pony panicked. "He asked me to do it!" Rarity looked at James as he stood up. "Is this true, James?" "Yes. Yes it was," he catch-phrased while dusting himself off before he directed a reassuring smile to Applejack. "See? Was that so hard?" (After that, he hit Conscience with the same amount of force as Applejack, so he knew how hard to hit the tree. Conscience, on his part, was rather relieved. It was probably the first time he wasn't hit so Violently by James that day.) *** Applejack came over with a cart full of beverages. "How about y'all take a little break? Ah got some fine apple juice waitin' for ya!" she called out. "James, girls, Ah can't thank you enough for this help." she frowned while looking downward as her friends walked up to her. "Ah was acting a, bit stubborn..." "A bit?" Twilight smirked at the farm pony, while James just deadpanned at her. Applejack smiled nervously. "Okay. A mite stubborn. And Ah'm awful sorry." "Sheesh, Ajax, we already forgave you! You're gonna end up makin' me cry over here," James chuckled, despite being serious. "And Ah'm grateful. Really, Ah am. Now, I know the town gave me... and James," she added as an afterthought, "the Prized Pony award. But the real award, is having--" "CELERY!!" Conscience suddenly shouted. All the girls looked startled by the outburst (as well as Spike, who was just entering the scene, figuratively speaking), especially Fluttershy, while James just frowned at him. And that somehow bore down on him worse than any death stare he or James ever threw at each other. "...Sorry," he wilted. "...It's fine, Conscience," James facepalmed. "Phew. That apple-bucking sure made me hungry," Rainbow said, breaking the tension. "And I got the perfect treat," Spike smiled as he held up-- "What in the f***!" James and Conscience exclaimed in unison. "Eew, Spike, I threw those all away," Pinkie recoiled from the monstrosity that were the muffins. "Where'd you get them?" "From the trash!" Spike answered. "EEW!" the girls blanched while-- POP! Conscience Pop Fainted. "Just a little nibble? Come on," Spike pressed as they all left. Everyone uttered their disagreement. James particularly rushed to the front of the group. He was sick of looking at those. ...No pun intended. [Ending Song] Author's Note Me: Well, that was a bittersweet finish. Conscience: As far as we're concerned... Me: *sighs deeply and shoots self in the head* Blue Star: They do know comments are appreciated, right? Conscience: *jumps and turns around in surprise* When the f*ck did you get here!?" Blue Star: T_T ...You guys said I could draw in the corner while you worked? Conscience: ...Oh, yeah...
