The Music Maker

I had never looked this good in all my life. My hair was straightened, trimmed, and slicked back behind my ears flowing a bit below my neck. My face was shaven clean for the first time in… way too long. It felt a little weird to stroke my chin without my stubble and facial hair, but it sure made my face sleek, especially with the amazing hairstyle. And it made my lips stand out even more. (They were much redder than I ever remember them being.)

But I think the best part, was the suit, courtesy of Rarity’s measurements and Fluttershy’s stitching: A black jacket with long tails woven from the finest fabric in Ponyville, a white undershirt with onyx buttons and silver lined cufflinks, long straight black pants with not a single, solitary wrinkle, and shoes that were so reflecting, I could practically see how to fix my hair just by looking down at them.

I was currently sitting across from my two favorite mares in Equestria, Twilight, and Fluttershy. We had all boarded the Canterlot-bound train a few moments ago with smiles all around. Surprisingly though, I wasn’t the least bit tired the whole day. Twilight and I had slept until about 1:00 in the afternoon, which easily gave us plenty of rest we needed. But only two hours to get ready.

And when you share a house with someone who is based on schedule (and mildly OCD), two hours becomes a panicked rush.

I managed to calm her down though. I chose to practice a bit on my keyboard while she rushed around making sure her tree house was in order. She slowly regained her composure as the minutes ticked on. We arrived at the station, and to my surprise, all of Twilight’s friends came to see me off.  They all gave me their blessings and best wishes for the concert and Twilight and Fluttershy chose to come with me for good luck. And with that, I stepped onto the train with a smile.

“Oh, this is just awful,” said Twilight looking at the program disappointedly.

“What?” both Fluttershy and I asked in unison.

“They have you listed as ‘The Human’ on the organ and piano. They didn’t even write your name.”

That didn’t really bother me. Most of the orchestra treated me like I had a lobster growing out of my neck anyway. I was used to being less than a pony by now.

“But that’s not all,” said Twilight. “Look on the back.”

I turned the program over.

Though my face didn’t move, I could certainly feel an angry hotness in my cheeks.

The program read:

“The HUMAN! For this show only, you can come see the one and only human species as he stuns you with tantalizing pianism and fabulous—”

I stopped there. I wanted to hurl.

“They’re treating me like some common freak show.”

Fluttershy and Twilight both looked at each other with the same look: ‘How could they do that?’

My fast thought process came up with an excuse: They didn’t know how sensitive I’d be about it. I was so glad that Fluttershy and Twilight helped me come out of my social shell a little. Otherwise I might have just bended over and taken this just like I had throughout my life on Earth.

Earth…

Every time I think about it, I can’t help but think back to Fluttershy’s haunting question.

Would I go back?

Would I rather go back to a life of near solitude with a band that barely respected me?

Or would I rather stay here and be a circus attraction to the class I ‘appealed’ to so well?

PSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSssssssss

My train of thought was interrupted by a sudden jolt and a hiss of steam.

We were there.

The Royal Canterlot Concert Hall.

Freak show or not, I had a chance to play on a stage for the first time in my life. Not just any stage either. The RCCH was the largest and most attended in the entire Canter Region.

Screw the freak show bull, me and an organ had a date on stage!

Instantly regressing any depressing thought I may have ever had before, I stepped out of the train car. The long ride had left what should have been an annoying stiffness in my limbs, but I could care less. My ambition was the only thing my body was running on now.

“Hey wait!”

Or… maybe I did need to calm down a bit. I still had my best friends to say goodbye to. We each shared a hug and some friendly words of encouragement, and they began to walk the long staircase to the hall’s entrance.

I on the other hand walked to the rear entrance marked ‘Talent Only’

Somebody please poke me with a pin. I need to leak out the rainbows of happy I have right now.

Walking through a maze of corridors I found the designated rehearsal room. A small sea of ponies and instruments splayed out before me. After a bit of awkward clambering and readjusting of seats, I finally got to my spot in front of the rehearsal room’s mini organ. Our conductor, a pony I had never met before gave me an odd stare, but quickly dismissed it.

He had probably already seen the ‘HUMAN’ program, and we had plenty of work to do.

We ran through our warm ups as quickly and efficiently as possible. Not a single note out of place. Not a single shred of an error. We sounded perfect.

About an hour later, a whistle blew from a familiar gray pony. It was time to go onstage.

I felt a thumping in my chest as I got more excited.

As we walked to the concert hall, I barely even noticed the orchestra’s odd stares at me anymore. I was too engrossed in my repeating thought.

‘I’m about to play on a stage.’

‘I’m about to play on a stage.’

‘I’m about to play—’

“Hey there.”

My thoughts were cut off by a warm, but professional look from Octavia.

“Did you hear? We sold out this venue. We have more ponies than I think I’ve ever seen out there. And well, I don’t think we could have done this without you. Oh and by the way…”

I was hoping she would stay away from the topic of my disorder, or the fact that I was human in a high class society of ponies or—

“I just wanted to wish you good luck tonight.”

…that’s all?

That was all she said. No put off, no bringing up things that didn’t need to be, just a simple word of encouragement?

I breathed easier. Octavia, a mare of propriety and protocol, who usually had advice or tactics specially reserved for someone as different as I am, simply said ‘good luck’.

I felt normal to someone else now too.

For the first time in talking with her, I smiled genuinely. And said two words that meant something much more powerful than what they commonly alluded to.

“Thank you.”

She seemed to understand a bit of what I was feeling at that point. She knew I had heard her advice more times than what needs to be counted. She didn’t need to continue with that routine. She just needed to make sure that this shaven and now spiffy musician had some positive encouragement before the big show.

I was ready for anything now.

Twilight and Fluttershy had been waiting patiently in their seats for quite a long time. As their eyes wandered, they saw countless slicked back manes for the stallions, and more hats than they had ever seen for the mares, even in Rarity’s collection.

Then they looked at the stage. Long, red curtains veiled the entirety of it, and to their sides, two brilliantly carved pegasai statues each supporting the beam which the curtains draped upon.

Twilight spoke, breaking the anticipating silence.

“Fluttershy, are you sure he’ll be ok up there?” Twilight asked with a look of concern. “I mean the only crowd he’s ever ‘performed’ in front of was when he had that nervous breakdown, and they were just the easy-to-please ponies.”

“Oh right,” Fluttershy quietly whispered through the soft murmur of high class ponies. “I remember him telling me about that…”

“These ponies won’t accept just anything,” She continued. “They would voice their opinion pretty violently if they disapproved. And what if he has another breakdown? I don’t think even playing one of the songs from his world would fix the audience’s disapproving stare…”

Fluttershy took a small deep breath.

“Well since he’s been living with me, I tend to watch him carefully in the way he acts. He was always pretty high strung… always really stiff and really nervous. I could say the same about how I was before I got more comfortable with him living there. But even when he got used to me, he never seemed to stop being nervous around me…”

Then Fluttershy smiled.

“But when I catch a glance of him playing his magic piano, I see someone else entirely. I see someone at complete peace. He barely moves, but it’s almost like he doesn’t even need to. Like he just wants to stay still and relish the moment he’s in.”

“I can’t really blame him,” Twilight chimed in. “Who wouldn’t want to just stay there and listen that?”

Fluttershy nodded.

“And he has this look on his face. I can only think of one thing to compare it to… A child. Smiling. But not in a hyper and giggly way, more like…”

She paused, and looked up in thought.

“Like a child in the comfort of their mother.”

Twilight smiled. She knew exactly what look Fluttershy was talking about.

“His movements are much smoother. Almost like water. I find myself just smiling blissfully when I see him like that. It’s why I like to ask him to play things for me. I like hearing his music, don’t get me wrong, but I love to see him become something more than what he presents to everyone else. I think that’s what got him out of his shell with me.”

Twilight just sat back and sighed. As much as she loved science and theory when it came to this situation, there was no denying she enjoyed the spiritual emotion of it all.

Her thoughts ended however as they were replaced with voices quieting, shushing, and the lights of the auditorium growing dim.

All of us were positioned in our seats. From behind those massive curtains, time seemed to stand still. All that was left in the world were us musicians. And that’s the mentality we as a whole tried to keep. All that mattered was us playing. Not for anything, or anyone, just pure simple homage to the life we were now separated from.

Then, we felt the lights dim outside as we heard ponies shushing each other.

…

Silence.

…

Pure, unadulterated silence.

…

Not even a pindrop could break it.

…

Darkness.

…

Not a single whisper of light was visible.

…

Seconds passed.

…

Moments.

…

A few lights above us began to brighten.

I felt one last excited chill crawl up my spine as the strings began to tune up with the brightening lights.

Then another silence. A brighter one.

The curtains opened.

A wave of applause flooded our ears as we suddenly became visible to our audience.

They began to quiet as we heard a few taps from our conductor.

One…

final…

silence…

Our instruments erupted.

Not once had I heard us on a stage. I had heard us in practice rooms and on recordings, but never, NEVER on a stage. And now that I had, I didn’t think anything else could capture whatever sound just exploded from our stage. We had literally filled the auditorium with sound. And it was incredible.

Before I knew it, our first set had ended, and ponies were all cheering and clapping their hooves loudly. I looked up when I heard two familiar voices call out my name.

There were Twilight and Fluttershy both cheering and waving at me with cheerful encouragement.

I shot a smile back at them. Then I turned my head back to the task at hand. We were starting a new piece.

Again the room was flooded with amazing classical music.

Truth be told, I may not be much of a classical fan, but I can at least recognize the composer who wrote them when I hear them. With this orchestra, there was not a single song I recognized. Except for one. And go figure, the composer’s name was Beethoofen. (I didn’t complain though. Beethoven is too amazing to exist in just one dimension.)

More songs played. More cheers.

After about thirty minutes of waltzes and movements of symphonies, the orchestra moved onto a piece requested by popular vote by the crowd (before entry), which gave them a chance to see me, a human, perform in action and alone.

A solo written solely for the Organ by S. Canter DeVeaut: A pony best known as one of the pioneers of Canterlotian Opera and Music.

The full title was called ‘Vous Avez Trop de Temps sur Vos Mains’

I was pretty excited. I got to play an actual solo alone. I had my own turn to perform myself and everyone here could see me do it. A human. The only human in Equestria.

…

The… only human…

…

I looked up.

Everyone was staring at me.

Everyone was staring through me

In that brief second, I thought about the pamphlet. How they paraded me off like I was some sort of attraction.

My eyes began to dart around as lingering memories kept clutching my conscious:

“Look, everyone! It’s the Ass Burger!”

“Look at him, now he’s rocking back and forth like a wittle baby!”

“Look at him!”

“Look”

“LOOK”

Always the center of attention when I never want to be.

And just because I acted a certain way.

I began to nervously rock back and forth again. I could feel a scream building

My hands began to shake. My world started to contort.

…Suddenly, I let everything go…

Everything I had been feeling up to this point, excitement, joy, anticipation, belonging, fear, poured out in the form of sound.

The organ howled.

Screeched.

Hummed.

I felt the chords in the depth of my soul. The negativity flowed out of me and into the organ itself. Everything melted away. Everything was simply a mix of black, white, and sound.

Then I stopped. I breathed. I opened my eyes.

Faces of discomfort and dare I say disgust were all I could see from anypony. In that brief moment, I was in my own little maelstrom once again. Only this time, no one was there to help me.

No one.

Just faces.

Faces of anger, discontent, worry.

Worry?

I caught a glimpse of  Twilight and Fluttershy looking at me. Scared for me.

I sighed and stood. Then walked off the stage.

…

Silence…

…

Pure, unadulterated silence…

Twilight and Fluttershy came rushing out of the entrance and flew down to the rear VIP entryway. They burst through the doors and their eyes scoured everywhere for their friend.

“Oh, where is he!?” Twilight’s voice cracked with worry.

A shadowy figure spotted them.

“Twilight?”

“Octavia?”

She galloped towards them with a hopeful smile.

“Oh thank goodness you’re both here! Have you two seen your friend?”

“No…” Fluttershy piped up. “Did you?”

“I followed him down here but I lost him when he started running.”

“Oh no…” Said Fluttershy and Twilight in unison.

It was getting dark. And they were getting worried. Really worried.

They all began to search the building and the grounds for their friend as dissatisfied, high-class ponies began to vacate the entryway.

I didn’t know where I was going or how fast I was running. All I knew was that I needed to get away and be alone to let my nerves simmer. All of my senses were heightened.

I felt a tight, constricted warmth in the chest as sandpaper cold wind slapped my face as I ran through the night.

My hair pulled at my scalp as it flew behind me in the breeze.

My eyes felt dry and clammy as I strained to look for somewhere, anywhere, that I could be alone.

I passed the outskirts of the city of Canterlot, and behind it all stood a forest. I saw two trees on either side of what looked like a path.

Turning sharply, I ran directly to it. I passed the edge of the forest and ran straight into the path.

…

Darkness…

…

Not a single whisper of light was visible.

…

I panted and slowly regained my breath. Marathons don’t make you this tired. I walked along the darkened shrouded path as I tried to recollect what just happened.

Why couldn’t I just push that out of my mind?

I usually was able to push memories like that away. Why not then?

What made that so different?

Why was I remembering my past so vividly…?

I sighed as my questions began to weigh heavily on me…

As I walked, I saw a blue light at the end of the path. A pale, shimmering, silvery blue. The forest had come to a wide open clearing. Acres of grass, moss, flowers, stretched out before me. It was beautiful. But not quite as beautiful as what I saw when I looked up.

This was the first time in my life here that I had ever seen the full glory of the equestrian moon. It shone in such a vivid, shimmering, alabaster white that it made Earth’s moon look as dull as old tar.

I stared up at this heavenly sphere.

…

Seconds passed.

…

Moments.

…

I felt at peace again. Most of the time, I calmed myself to a rock tune, but now… as I stared at the moon, I swear I could hear a choir resonating in my mind…

I was reminded of the moons I saw as a child.

Another memory began to resurface.

When I was a child I would always sleep with a nightlight... I was so afraid of the dark… but nights with a full moon, I wouldn’t need any extra light. The moonlight shone through my windows and cascaded my room in a deep velvet blue.

Whenever I see a full moon this beautiful though, I’m always reminded of the only song that has ever been used as a lullaby for me in my early years.

A choir song by Eric Whitacre.

A song called Lux Aurumque.

I could hear my breathing as I listened to another choir of crickets, cicadas, bats, and other songful night-dwellers.

The choir of the night.

*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lux,

calida gravisque pura velut aurum

et canunt angeli molliter

modo natum.*

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