Chicken Mane

by CrimShade

Rating: teen
Tags: Romance, Comedy, Random, Adventure
Length: 1411

"chicken mane" has adventured while fighting McGriffin.

after saving a group of chickens from the evil McGriffin (owner of McGriffin's fast food place) Crim is given power to control chickens with his mind. this power is given to him by Roostercluck, leader of all chickens in equestria. McGriffin isn't the only villan in equestria. this story contains Chicken Mane's adventures while fighting chicken related crimes. It will be the most ridiculous thing you will ever read.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-06-26 21:14:02 UTC

Prologue/Chapter 1

          I knew I had seen that griffin before somewhere before, recently too. I just couldn’t put my hoof on where. It isn’t everyday that you see a griffin in Ponyville, let alone one that looks familiar, especially for me since I had never met one before. After observing him for several minutes, I found myself following him. His behavior was rather suspicious as well; he didn’t seem to trust anypony at all. He seemed like he had a great deal to hide. He kept talking to ponies about chickens or something. He seemed really desperate, really desperate. Whenever he approached anypony, they suddenly became nervous around him. Maybe there was something wrong with him? Possibly it had to do with when Gilda came to town; it was the only thing some ponies talked about for weeks after she left.

As soon as I was about to move in closer to hear one of his awkward conversations, an entire herd of frantic cows burst into the town square. This wasn’t the normal “someone saw a snake” scared that usually sets off one of their stampedes, they all looked terrified, like they had just been chased down the street by Nightmare Moon holding a chainsaw. They were all yelling something about missing cows or something. As interested as I was, I had other, more important things to worry about.

The Pegasus who replaced me during my trip to Griffin Village was a bit of a slacker. OK, a grade A slacker. Rainbow something, I think her name was. One of those ponies who thought they could do the job in ten seconds at the last minute or something, maybe she could, but I couldn’t take that chance because the responsibility still rested on my wings if it didn’t get done. Technically I had the day off, but there were no clouds in the sky and there was to be a thick cloud cover tonight. Knowing that I would be blamed if my sub, who was most likely off sleeping somewhere, messed things up, I worked fast to fill the orange sky with clouds.

Then I suddenly thought: Wait, griffins are carnivores, was that griffin trying to buy chickens to eat or something? Is that what was freaking ponies out? I guess most ponies have never met a carnivore in their life, minus small animals like birds that eat worms or something.

Then I saw him walking out of town, hefting a giant sack over his shoulder … and was the sack moving? I decided to watch him for a little from above the clouds as he headed towards the edge of the Everfree Forest.  Wait, Fluttershy lives there, and she has chickens! Shit. Looks like I know what I’m going to be doing tonight. I barely had time to think before my body reacted, I dove right on top of him right as he reached the gate to the chicken pen.

Griffins are much denser than ponies; I hadn’t anticipated this so my landing on top of him was a little painful. The sack he was carrying had opened on the ground and now hundreds of chickens were spilling out, half of them had suffocated in there. “What do you think you’re doing? Stealing chickens!?” I shouted at him. “You mind your own business and go home before I kill ya like the rest who tried to stop me!” he managed to say before I bucked him right in the beak. I felt a sharp pain as his claws sank into me and tore three long gashes into my left side. The adrenaline already pumping through my veins let me ignore this and deliver a swift left hoof to his face and another kick to his kidney. It had been a good year and a half since my last fight and I loved it. Another talon scraped my left hind leg as I flew up to avoid it, not quickly enough. He came up after me; we had a little tumble before he threw me to the ground, being the heavier and larger of the two of us. I still had a few tricks up my sleeve though, I had been in plenty of fights before, and that was when I was drunk. Right before he came down on me, I jumped up over him and did a little flip, driving him into the ground with my front hooves.

After that he flew off, probably realizing he was no match for a badflank like me. Or maybe it was that he sensed the royal guard coming, I guess Fluttershy called them. This left me to explain how all of these dead chickens as well as some of the live ones got here; since Fluttershy only saw the fighting she couldn’t really defend me.

Fortunately, he left me with one bit of crucial information for finding him; before he flew away, he shouted “McGriffin will have his revenge, you win this round but he will have his revenge!” that’s when I remembered where I had seen him, on a billboard in Griffin Village where I had taken my vacation recently.

Was McGriffin’s having trouble getting chickens for their meals? I knew that place was popular since that’s basically all that the friend I was staying with ate while I was there. But were they really that popular that they had exhausted their supply of chickens? Or were they stealing chickens from the beginning? This was all I had time to think as the two royal guards dragged me to the sheriff’s office. Looks like I had some explaining to do.

Fortunately, most ponies were still full of griffin-hate from Gilda’s appearance. This made my explanation rather easy. It would have been easier if Fluttershy hadn’t been crying the whole time over the chickens. I can’t lie though, it was the first time I had ever seen anything dead and now there were hundreds when we went back to the scene, so I was pretty shaken up as well.

Later the guards and the police left, leaving only me and Fluttershy, who was still crying. I told her that they were in a better place now; she seemed to acknowledge that I had said something. She continued crying, I said I would be there for her whenever she needed anypony to comfort her. “Thank you Crimson” she managed to choke out. I looked at her for a long time before she returned my gaze, her eyes still wet with tears. We stood like this for a long time, just staring into each other’s eyes. “Thank you” she said, then she kissed me on the cheek and went inside, leaving a trail of little tear droplets on the ground after her. I just stood there, frozen with happiness that I shouldn’t have felt given the circumstances, until a voice behind me startled me. “Thank you for saving us stranger.”

I whipped around to see nopony there; I looked around but didn’t see anypony, only chickens. Then it spoke again, “Stranger?” Astonished, I couldn’t move. Did that chicken just speak to me? As if reading my mind; “Yes, I can talk. I speak for the chickens, and you can call me ‘Roostercluck.’ What is your name, kind stranger?” I still couldn’t believe the chicken was talking, “Crimson Shade” I managed to say. “To thank you, Crimson, for your acts of bravery, we grant you power to control us with your mind”. “What?” was all I could say as the surviving chickens formed a circle around me and their eyes began to glow.

I lifted off the air, glowing, as a costume, with a chicken emblem appeared on my body. I was suddenly aware of where each chicken was in proximity to me, and by thinking it; I could make them move to my will. “Cool,” was all I could say, I was overwhelmed by this feeling. “Crimson Shade,” the leader spoke with new authority, “you will now be known as Chicken Mane, Defender of Chicken Related Justice!”

Notes from John: Thanks for reading our silly attempt at a story. If I get spare time soon, I may even do a reading of this on my YouTube channel. I’ll put a link somewhere when I get it done.

Noted from Tom (author):  this story will be uploaded on my account as well, (don’t ask why) I hope you enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it.