Stereotypical HIE Story

by BombShelter

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Princess Celestia, Human, Main 6, Changelings, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Queen Chrysalis, Other
Length: 1331

Pretty self explanatory... Why are you even reading the description, it's literally right there in the title...

This is your typical, stereotypical HIE story exposing all the HIE stereotypes, but like, compressed and crammed into one short chapter, making the pacing extremely awkward and fast. Yeah that's pretty much it.

*Disclaimer, I don't hate HIE stories, I actually love them. Don't sue me. Also, I'm so sorry for this.*

Big thanks to Flutterpriest for the narration! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2z_Tb9JOfjQ!

This got featured on 9-26-2016... Why? I have no clue, but thanks!

Published 2016-09-26 00:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-09-26 00:50:01 UTC

A Full HIE Story In 1,411 Words

Author's Note

Dear God, for the love of all things holy, do not take this story seriously. Seriously if someone thinks this a real story, I'm moving to the moon.

A Full HIE Story In 1,411 Words

I was sitting on my bed, staring at the ceiling. Oh God, my life was so boring. So many problems and other bad stuff going on.

Suddenly I was engulfed in a bright light. I covered my eyes and felt myself go unconscious. Everything was black. I then opened my eyes to realize I was sitting in an orchard full of apple trees.

"Well howdy there partner!" A weird orange horse-like creature says at it walks up to me, wearing a cowboy hat.

"Whoa golly gee willikers who are you?" I say, standing up. "I've never seen anything of the likes of you!"

"My name is Applejack, come back to my farm with me." She says turning back towards wherever she came from. Following strange alien creatures is always totally cool, so I walked after her.

I arrive at a barn where Applejack offers me a place to stay. I lay down on a pile of hay and quickly fall asleep.

"Whoa, that was a crazy day." I say to myself as I fall asleep. I wake up the next morning, and walk out of the barn. I follow a path that leads to a town where all of the natives seem to stare at me.

I eventually stumble across a giant tree with a sign out front. I knock and a purple pony greets me.

"Whoa, by Celestia you are a strange creature." The purple pony says. She has a horn on her head the lights up and suddenly I am pulled inside.

"Oh holy fudge that was insane. Oh God magic, my grasp on reality is being shredded faster than Hillary's emails."

"Who is this Hillary." The pony asks.

"Oh politics and stuff. I will now explain my entire world to you." After an hour of talking, I come to a simple conclusion. "Basically, almost every politician is a dick."

"Whoa cool history stuff and all that. I'm Twilight Sparkle, but call me Twilight."

"Well hello Twilight, do you happen to have five other friends that I will just so happen to become good friends with in a short span of time and possibly fall in love with one of them but not realize it until the third arc of the story even though they've totally been crushing on me since the very beginning?"

"Well of course! In fact you already met one of them, Applejack! And gosh golly look at that, all five of them just so happen to be outside my door right now!" Twilight says as the door slams open, revealing five more ponies, one that I already know.

A white unicorn pony comes in and stares at my clothes.

"These are complete shit." She says blatantly. "I shall make you new clothes for free, and when you feel bad about mooching off of me, you'll want to pay me back, and I will then refuse to take your money because I am so generous." She says with a smile. "...Darling."

"And to get the money that Rarity won't accept from you no matter how much you bug her, you can work on my farm every day, slowly gaining the body figure of The Rock, and losing the figure of a nerd from a 90's sitcom!" Applejack says excitedly.

"I'm really shy." A yellow pony with wings says as she hides behind her hair. "I probably wont contribute much to the plot unless the person writing all of this thinks I'm best pony which doesn't happen all that much in these stories..." She says quietly. "Also, you make me really nervous even though you have done nothing to receive such a response.

"Okay then yellow horse, that's pretty top right there mate." Suddenly, a blue pony with wings and a rainbow colored mane flies up in my face.

"Hey! I'm Rainbow Dash, and you're going to probably hate my cocky attitude for a few chapters, then you'll start to warm up to me. Eventually, I'll start acting weird because I have an awkward crush on you, but will refuse to reveal my feelings because it would probably ruin our friendship."

"Well Rainbow Dash, if you're gonna be such a bitch. God what an ego." I say as I roll my eyes. Suddenly, a pink blur jumps on me and says some really fast words which the writer then has to squish them all together, leaving out the spaces to put emphasis on how fast she was speaking, making it hard for any person to read.

"And would you look at that, I'm throwing your welcome to Ponyville party now!" She says. I blink and suddenly the whole library is filled with ponies.

"Whoa cool! But I'm socially awkward so I'm going to go sit over here now." I say as I sit down in a corner. Rainbow Dash walks over and sits next to me.

"What's wrong Rainbow?" I ask as I try to comfort her.

"Nothing... Nothing at all."

"No, you can tell me."

"I love you, and I've been hiding it ever since I met you but I've been too nervous to tell you." She says nervously, refusing to make eye contact.

"I love you too even though I'm currently thinking in my head in italics about how wrong this is, but realize that you are a person on the inside." I lean over and kiss Rainbow, and everything just feels right.

Suddenly, a bright flash of light comes out of nowhere, and a white Jesus horse appears in the middle of the library causing everyone to stop moving.

"Human with a weird name that literally nobody on Earth has, or sometimes a very generic name like Matthew Green, I have news to tell you. Also seriously, Matthew Green, what a boring name."

"What is it Jesus Horse?"

"It turns out that when you came here, you absorbed a lot of magic because why not, and now you are basically God, and are stronger than me."

"Whoa, that's a lot of power." I say. Suddenly, a loud explosion goes off outside. We run outside to see a bunch of black bug-like creatures attacking the town.

"Welp, I'm not strong enough to do this because if I was there would be no point for you to have magic so peace out dickholes." Celestia says as she suddenly falls over dead.

"We aren't strong enough!" Rainbow says as she walks up next to me. "Please, use your magic to stop the changelings, because we totally haven't done it before and are capable of doing it again!"

"Don't worry babe, I got this." I say as I pull a pair of sunglasses from nowhere. I put them on and begin running really super fast because magic. I find the leader of these changelings and approach her.

"Ha ha ha, You are too weak to kill me." She says maniacally.

"You're right... I am too weak." I can feel my magic draining. Oh God no, not my magic! I'll never make it in Vegas now!

"But... I have friendship!" I yell as a bright glow engulfs my body. Every changeling screams as it is defeated by my magic because again, magic.

"Noooo! I've been defeated! Now I'll need to return in a sequel that will probably never be written!" Chrysalis yells as she flees.

"Yeah! Go guy with weird or very generic name!" Twilight and the other cheer as they approach me.

"Finally, we can be at peace, together, as best friends." I say as we gather in a group hug.

And so, generic guy and friends lived happily ever after... Until the sequel comes out and suddenly generic guy has to come back to save the world.

But that's another story.

*I'm so sorry for this* -BombShelter