Pinkie Pie's Pancake Pronouncement
“Ahhh,” Pinkie yawned, stretching her front legs out as the last vestiges of sleep slipped away. This bit of morning ritual completed, it was only a matter of milliseconds before she jerked into a standing position, jumped off the bed, and headed down the stairs to see what was for breakfast. As always, she had a huge smile on her face, ready to brighten the day of anypony who happened to be downstairs. Of course, this was almost invariably Mr. and Mrs. Cake, their two small fillies, and…nopony else, but that didn’t affect her enthusiasm one bit – she loved the Cakes like they were family, and she knew that seeing a smile at breakfast was always the best way to start the day on the right hoof.
And today was no exception. Upon seeing Pinkie’s smiling face, Mr. and Mrs. Cake’s faces lit up, unable to suppress small smiles even though Pound Cake had just made a large mess by spilling his breakfast all over the floor. As Mrs. Cake moved to clean the mess up, Mr. Cake grabbed a plate of pancakes from where it was cooling on the counter and set it on the table for Pinkie. “Bon appetit!” he said with a small chuckle, and she took a seat.
“Pancakes!” Pinkie exclaimed. “My favorite!” She licked her lips in anticipation. The Cake’s pancakes were always so yummy! And she was one of the only ponies outside the family who ever got to enjoy them. Though they ran a bakery offering all sorts of delicious dessert-style cakes, there had never really been any occasion to sell their pancakes to anypony else. Their divine flavor was known to only a select few, of which Pinkie was glad to consider herself a member.
Picking up her fork with her hoof, she cut off the first bite, closing her eyes and bringing it slowly toward her wide open, salivating mouth. To an onlooker, it might have seemed almost like the action a mother would take when trying to feed an unruly foal – “Here comes the chariot – open up!” But unlike the foal in this instance, Pinkie was merely savoring the thought of that incredible moment when she would finally feel the incomparable delight which only a Cake pancake could impart.
“Er…if you don’t hurry up, the pancakes are going to get cold,” Mr. Cake finally told Pinkie after a solid six or seven minutes had passed, the fork still moving ever closer to her mouth but doing so at what would be best described as the approximate speed of an intoxicated snail.
Cold pancakes?! That wouldn’t do! Sure, she could just warm them back up if necessary, but something would be lost in the process, some indescribable characteristic which only fresh-out-of-the-pan pancakes could embody. Perhaps the Cakes could make some more, but Sugarcube Corner would be opening before long, so they probably needed to be getting ready for that soon. Besides, not eating the pancakes that she already had in front of her would be a terrible, inexcusable waste. Taking a deep breath, Pinkie sobered up that snail and rushed the fork the rest of the way to her mouth.
For the smallest of all possible moments, Pinkie remained perfectly still. Then, with her eyes still closed, she began moving the bite of pancake around in her mouth, chewing with intense concentration. And then she swallowed. The entire Cake family – even the two fillies – paused what they were doing to look at Pinkie, bracing for the inevitable explosion that was about to erupt. And erupt it did.
“That was...FANTASTIC!” she shouted in absolute ecstasy, her eyes abruptly flicking open and her form involuntarily leaping out of her seat. Her legs spread out in all directions as she flew into the air, her mane gently brushing against the ceiling of the kitchen as she reached the apex of her jump. As though she had done this a million times before, she expertly maneuvered her legs in the air, catlike reflexes allowing her to land right back on her feet…or in this case, her seat. “These are the most Fabulous, Unparalleled, Celebration-worthy, Kinglike flapjacks EVER!” she screamed. “Forget MMMM, these pancakes are amazing as FUCK!” This said, she finally began to eat the rest of her plate of pancakes at a more typical pace, pausing only a few times to shiver with near-orgasmic pleasure at how delectable they were.
Leaving Pinkie to it, the Cakes glanced at each other, carefully took their fillies from their seats, and walked into the adjoining room, each wondering if he or she should say anything. It seemed clear that Pinkie either didn’t realize what she had just said or didn’t understand its significance. Mrs. Cake slowly removed her hooves from Pound Cake’s ears, but the damage had already been done. “FUCK,” Pound Cake said proudly.
“FUCK!” Pumpkin Cake repeated.
The Cakes froze where they stood. “Those…were their first words,” Mrs. Cake said, her voice expressing an odd mix of pride and dismay.
“Should we…do something?” Mr. Cake asked, trying to hide a snicker but failing miserably. He didn’t particularly want to admonish the fillies when they had just begun to speak, but Pinkie might be another story.
“No, I’m sure she’ll realize it soon enough,” Mrs. Cake said dejectedly. “She was probably just so caught up with enjoying the pancakes that her mind didn’t even register what she was saying.” And so each of them picked up a filly, giving Pumpkin and Pound Cake big hugs and congratulating them for taking such a big step, even if they did privately wish that the milestone had gone a little differently.
While the Cakes were experiencing this precious, albeit unexpected, family moment, Pinkie Pie was finishing the last of her pancakes. She had admittedly taken a bit too long to eat them in the end, so the last few bites weren’t particularly warm, but they were still incredible nonetheless. Slipping slowly from her seat, her mind still processing the last hints of delicious aftertaste that remained in her mouth post-pancake, she carried her plate to the sink, rinsed it, and placed it to the side with the other dirty dishes.
She remained in front of the sink for a little while longer, but when her tongue could no longer find even the slightest remnant of mouthwatering goodness, she turned away, an idea already surfacing in her mind. “Thank you so much for the pancakes!” she called as she walked out of the kitchen and into the room where the Cakes were still hugging their fillies. “But you have to share them with the rest of Ponyville! Everypony needs to taste them! So…can we have a pancake party tonight? Can we? Can we? Can we?!” As she said this, she couldn’t help but hop up and down in excitement.
“Okay, Pinkie,” Mr. Cake said with a small grin, glancing at his wife for just a moment. “We can have a pancake party.” The idea of cooking pancakes for the entire town was a bit daunting, but if they could make all of Ponyville as happy as Pinkie, it would be worth it.
“Yay!” Pinkie squeed, and hopped happily out the door and into the street to spread the good news. To her delight, Lyra was standing right outside, waiting patiently for Sugarcube Corner to open. “The Cakes are having a pancake party tonight!” Pinkie exclaimed. “Tell everypony! They make the absolute best FUCKing pancakes ever!”
“Oh, dear,” said Mrs. Cake.
The End
