Magical Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Whoopsie

Chapters

Slush Pile

Slush Pile

Whenever the world of Pokemon is in peril, a human is chosen to become a Pokemon and save it. Well, that's what would have happened if Twilight Sparkle hadn't intervened and 'rescued' the champion. Whoops.

Proactively working to save Equestria from another possible threat, Twilight gets help from her friends to corral a rogue comet. There's just one problem. It's neither a comet, nor even a threat.

What happens when the hero chosen to save the world of Pokemon from certain destruction gets displaced to another dimension? Well, they'll either have to learn how to save themselves for a change or learn to enjoy certain destruction. Regardless, it'll never be the same again. That's for sure.

“Ack. Pfft.” Rarity raised one hoof to shield her face against a white, powdery spray. Her other foreleg was wrapped in a death grip around a long, sturdy, rope stretched between her and a cosmic miscreant.

Twilight Sparkle darted past, flailing her limbs to point left and/or down. “No! Not that way! The other other way!”

“Ah'm dobin eh est at Ah cam,” Applejack mumbled through clenched teeth, which were the only things holding her to her own rope on the other side of the glowing, white comet.

Grunting, Twilight dove. She bit Applejack's rope, clenched her teeth, and yanked as hard as she could with her wings spread wide. The space-thing tilted, banking left.

Rarity breathed a sigh of relief as the comet's tail stopped buffeting her, though her face was dry and sandy. It was probably plastered and pock-marked with space glitter, and her traitorous mind was already envisioning a space-exploration-themed fashion line. “Twilight, darling, I don't mean to be a bother, but is this going to take much longer? I'm not sure how much longer I can hold out here.”

“I don't know! This thing keeps trying to go the wrong way! It's like it has a mind of its own.” As if on cue, the comet started to veer to the right. “Oh no you don't!” Doubling down, Twilight flapped her wings and yanked even harder, causing the comet to bank back. Applejack's eyes glanced back and forth, and she sort-of shrugged as she flopped around and Twilight did all the work.

Sparks flew as the comet ground into the outer atmosphere. It skipped, but Twilight forced it back. It bounced once, then twice, but each time it was slower. Each time it lost precious momentum. On the third arc, it was on a clear trajectory to break though.

It vanished.

“What!?”

“Aah!”

“I got you!” Acting quickly, Twilight snagged her friends in her magical aura. The ropes hung slack, wrapped around nothing. All that was left of the mysterious object was a faint ripple in the air, a shimmer of doubt that was gradually fading away.

“What the hay happened?” Applejack twisted around like a cat and righted herself, floating above the planet. “What's goin' on out here?”

“Wherever did it go?” Rarity asked. She waved a hoof in front of her own eyes, as if she didn't believe them.

Twilight's mouth hung open. Her jaw worked back and forth, until she slowly closed it into a massive cringe. She gulped. “I... um, I think—I think it woke up.”

Shooting stars were common in the night sky. Crashing, burning stars? Not so much.

“No! Not my barn!” Tearing down the street away from Twilight's castle, Applejack kicked up a dust storm. She was a one-pony haboob. “Anythin' but my barn!”

Twilight and Rarity could barely keep up, galloping as fast as they could. “W-well, you've always wanted to remodel it, right?” Rarity managed to stammer out.

“Ya can't remodel perfection, Rarity,” Applejack replied between labored breaths. The three of them came to an abrupt halt an a hill overlooking Sweet Apple Acres.

“No, but it does look like you can flatten it,” Twilight said.

There was a small, smoldering crater where the barn once stood. The walls were blown out completely, and a scattered ring of debris lay strewn about with pieces of splintered wood flung far into the orchard.

“Dangnabit!” Applejack pile-drived her hat on the ground. “At this rate we won't be able to get Granny Smith into college!”

“Granny Smith?” Rarity blinked. “Don't you mean Apple Bloom?”

“Uh...” Sighing, Applejack retrieved her hat and dusted it off before flopping it back onto her head. “Us Apples are a wee bit behind on that whole higher educatin' thing.”

“You don't say.”

Twilight pulled out some binoculars, squinted, and ran calculations through her brain. She pulled out a pencil and pad of paper and rapidly scribbled. “Let's see... if the conscientious potential surpasses the hubris threshold and the ego rise precludes the big word with techno-babble, then that means...”

“You're an egghead, Twilight,” Rainbow Dash said, dropping down and booping her on the nose. She laughed when Twilight scowled back.

“Oh my, what happened here?” Fluttershy asked after landing next to them. “Um, I mean, I saw a light, and I heard a boom, and the ground shook, and—”

“Applejack! How could you?” Pinkie Pie sprung out of a nearby bush and clung to Applejack's face.

“Ack! Pinkie, what is it?”

“You can't blow up the barn without streamers, silly. What kind of blowout party doesn't have streamers?”

A short while later, six ponies in hazmat suits carefully approached the still-smoldering crater. Twilight led the way, levitating a huge glass jar and a giant pair of metal tongs.

“Are you sure this is really necessary, Twilight?” Rarity asked.

“Of course it is. There's no telling what caused that comet to cross over from the dream world. It could be dangerous. It could be evil. It could be horrifying. It could be this giant, dangerous, horrifying, evil—”

“Um. What about a cute, little bird?” Fluttershy asked.

Twilight floated a flock of note cards in front of her face and flipped through them. “Well, I suppose that's not technically impossible, but everything in my notes suggests that this could be the next Tantabus and we have to take the proper—wait! Stop!”

There was a hiss as Fluttershy popped her helmet off and dropped it on the rim of the crater. She hopped out of the neck-hole of her oversized suit and fluttered down to the center. “Aw, aren't you just the cutest little thing?” She nuzzled the stunned little creature and picked it up for the rest to see.

It was a peculiar, colorful little bird with a yellow and green breast, blue wings, white frilly plumage around its neck, and a strangely-shaped, red-beaked head that looked like an eighth note. Though breathing, it wasn't otherwise moving.

The others held their breaths. When Fluttershy failed to explode, they started taking off their hazmat suits as well.

“Huh.” Twilight blinked. She edged up close to it. “I've never seen anything quite like that before.”

“It sure don't look like no comet,” Applejack said.

“How could something that tiny cause such a big explosion?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“And why is it a bird?” Pinkie asked.

“Shh.” Fluttershy admonished. “Can't you see he's hurt?”

“Fluttershy's right.” Rarity stepped in and waved the others back. “While this thing is, er, fascinating,, animals are her specialty. We should let her take care of it.”

Twilight shook her head. “I'm not going to leave Fluttershy alone with something that came from Outer Sleep. It might look safe now, but there's no telling what it could do once it recovers.” She bit her lip when Fluttershy made puppy-dog eyes. “Uh, I'll tell you what—bring it back to the castle and we can keep an eye on it there.”

“Yay.”

Standing upon a cliff overlooking the ever-shifting crags of the Silent Chasm mystery dungeon, an unblinking green bird stared up at the sky. She had been there for eight hours, near-motionless, tracking the sun with her crook-tipped beak. She wore her plumage like a coat, and wrapped her white wigs around herself as if she were stuffing them into invisible pockets.

When the sun touched the horizon, she let out a screech and flailed her wings wide, as if to claim credit for staring the sun out of the sky.

“Xatu.”

An alien creature emerged from a phantom, disappearing stairwell. Such was the nature of the mystery dungeons. One could advance, but going back was impossible. This creature had a segmented body that was almost ant-like, but his bipedal nature and huge mustache made him humanoid as well.

“Kadabra,” Xatu replied. She screeched again for good measure. “You sense it too?”

“The world's balance has been broken,” He replied. “It's like the old legends. The mystery dungeons are growing restless. Wild Pokemon attack without warning. The townsfolk can't evolve.”

“I know. The sun bares all.” Xatu screeched again, as she was wont to do. “One will come. The balance will be restored.”

“The past or the future?” Kadabra asked. While Xatu was a wise oracle, she often had trouble distinguishing between them. There was silence as day faded and twilight grew. Stars sparkled in the night sky, but none broke free and fell down.

“One will come,” Xatu finally replied. “One always does.”

“And that's how we lassoed the comet and plucked it from the sky.” Applejack waved her hoof in little circles as she pantomimed her actions.

Rainbow Dash hopped up out of her crystal throne and hovered over the cutie map table. “Why was it so big and white and glowing? How it could have taken all three of you to move it if only contained that tiny bird?”

Drumming her hoof on the table's plain, smooth surface, Rarity looked bored. It wasn't much to look at when the map wasn't active. With a quick glance behind her, she noted Twilight in her study, still tossing books on the floor. “We don't really know. Twilight suspected that it was some kind of negative energy creature, but...” She shrugged.

Hopping in, Pinkie Pie waved her hoof in the air. “Ooh! Ooh! You guys have got to see this! He's finally waking up! And he's so silly! It's awesome!”

The others didn't need any encouragement. They all dropped what they were doing and ran off like little fillies towards an ice cream truck.

“Aaah! Aaah! Aaah! I'm a bird!” The bird squawked, wildly thrashing about.

“Well... yes?” Fluttershy raised an eyebrow but calmly stepped backed. Her patient tore the bandages she'd wrapped around him and strips of gauze hung loose.

Pivoting as if noticing her for the first time, he flailed his wings about randomly. “Aaugh! It's a giant talking... yellow thing! Keep away you vile pink-haired monstrosity!”

“Excuse me?” She blinked. “Mr. Bird, there's no need for such—”

“Oh my. It is pretty energetic, isn't it?” Rarity said and she and the other five stumbled into the room, crowding into the flighty creature's overly personal space.

“HELP! I'M BEING INVADED BY TECHNICOLOR ALIENS!”

Fluttersy spread her wings and grinned sheepishly as she tried to get her friends to back off. “Um. He says he's happy to see you.”

“Uh, Fluttershy?” Rainbow Dash cocked her head. “It doesn't look all that happy.”

“HAPPY? HOW CAN I BE HAPPY WHEN YOU GOOGLY-EYED FREAKSHOWS STOLE MY SKIN AND STUFFED ME IN THIS RIDICULOUS BIRD SUIT!?”

“What?” Twilight blinked.

Rarity also kept her distance. “It certainly is most a peculiar little thing, isn't it?”

Fluttershy clenched her teeth. She glanced back and forth between the bird and her friends. “He says that he's very happy to be here, but he's a little confused at the moment, and—”

Applejack held out her hoof. “Uh, Fluttershy—”

“HA! YOU MADE A MISTAKE BY GIVING ME WINGS! YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!” The bird took a falling leap off the examination table, flapping his wings irregularly one after the other. He landed on the floor in a heap.

“Uh, wings generally work better if you use both at the same time,” Twilight said. “I learned that the hard way.”

“He was just, um, practicing.” Fluttershy grinned. “He says he'll do better next time.”

Pinkie Pie giggled and reached down to pick him up by his short, knobby tail. “You're really silly, Mr. Bird. Wait. How do we know really know it's a male bird? I'd better take a closer look.”

“UNHAND ME YOU HORRIBLE PINK ABOMINATION! MY ORIFICES SHALL REMAIN UNPROBED! DO YOU HEAR ME!? UNPROBED!”

“He says that he is and, um...” Fluttershy rubbed at her mane. “I already checked when he was out.”

“Fluttershy—” Applejack narrowed her eyes. “—ya do know that—”

“Okay Doki.” Pinkie shrugged and set him back on the examination table. The papery surface crinkled as he landed awkwardly on his side.

“ACK! I'VE BEEN VIOLATED! MOLESTED! DEFILED! YOU'LL HEAR FROM MY LAYWERS ABOUT THIS! AND PETA! AND OSHA TOO! AND THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!”

“He says he thanks you for your help,” Fluttershy said.

“What are 'Peta' and 'Osha?' ” Rarity asked.

“YOUR WORST NIGHTMARES!” The bird squawked. “THE MERE THOUGHTS OF ETHICAL TREATMENT AND OPERATIONAL SAFETY ARE SO CONTRARY TO YOUR MINDSET THAT THEY'LL ANNIHILATE YOUR DEPRAVED AND INSULAR BRAINWAVES LIKE ANTIMATTER!”

“Uh...” Fluttershy blinked. Her mouth hung open.

Applejack put a hoof on her shoulder. “Fluttershy, Ah've been tryin' to tell ya. We can understand what he says. Ya don't have to translate.”

“You... can?”

“Uh-huh.” They all nodded. “Yep!” Pinkie Pie added.

“Those carrot dogs weren't for me! Winona really did want them the whole time!” Fluttershy blurted out.

A small green Pokemon bounded past the market towards the town square. This puppy-shaped cucumber with a ring of buds around his neck and single broad leaf poking out of the top of his head spat out the scroll he'd been holding and used his knobby limbs to unfurl it. “Okay, Chickorita,” he told himself, “today's the last day. You can do this. All you have to do is find someone to join and you can start your very own rescue team!”

A pair of hooded snakes slithered past, and Chickorita gulped. The Arboks were quite intimidating. As were the other large beasts shuffling, oozing, and striding about.

For a while, he simply stood there with his mouth open, but he steeled himself for his task. Bounding over, he poked a tall, spotted creature with a very long neck. “Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!”

“Hrm?” Chewing something, the creature bent down to look at the tiny grass type. “Yes?”

“Do you wanna join my rescue party?” Chickorita asked, with a hopeful grin on his face.

“Hmm. Perhaps I do—”

“You DO!?” Chicorita's eyes widened and his little, stubby tail thumped against the ground. He could hardly believe his luck, but then the creature stood up and turned around. “Wait! Don't go!”

The creature's tail flicked down and a beady, black face with predatory teeth pressed against his own. “—or I don't!”

“Aaah!” Chickorita panicked and fled into a bush.

Laughter rang out as a cream cat with a gold coin stuck to his forehead rolled in the grass. “That was priceless! What kind of idiot doesn't know that Girafarig has two heads?”

“Meowth.” Chickorita poked his head out and glared. “What do you want?”

“Look, kid, as amusing as it is to watch you flail about and make a moron out of yourself, I thought I'd be nice and help you save yourself some time.” He reached up and unsheathed a claw. “Go home. Nobody wants to be on your crappy rescue team.”

“That's not true! Lots of pokemon do!” He stomped on the ground.

“Yeah, right. If that were true, you'd have a team already.” Meowth shrugged. “But if you want the real truth, the fact is that you're a yellow-bellied coward. It'd be an embarrassment for anyone to even be seen with you.”

“I'm not a coward!”

“Boo.”

“Aaah!”

Meowth rolled his eyes. “It's amazing you've lived this long. What are you? Level one?”

Chickorita's eyes shimmered and he looked down at the ground. The leaf on his head wilted.

“And besides, you've already asked all the pokemon in town twice already. Unless someone comes randomly falling out of the sky, you'll never be able to start a rescue team.” Meowth's whiskers twitched and he looked up into the clear, blue void. He stood there silently for a good five minutes. “Um. I said, 'unless someone randomly falls from the sky, you'll never start a rescue team!' ”

“Meowth?” Chickorita asked. He also looked up.

“Hmm, that's strange.” Meowth scratched his chin. “I had this odd feeling that something was supposed to happen there.”

“Wait. If you think it's destiny that I start a rescue team, then maybe you should—”

“No! Now get lost or I'll scratch you!” He jumped up and unsheathed all of his claws.

“Aaaaah!”

A few days later, Twilight carefully set a cage onto a small table in her study. It was covered with a plain white cloth, a common tactic for calming birds. Many books laid piled about. Several were open, and others were dogged with bookmarks.

“Okay. I'm going to try this again. Let's see if you can behave long enough to answer a few basic questions.” Activating her magic, she pulled off the sheet.

The bird harrumphed. His wings were crossed in from of him and he leaned against the bars of his cage sullenly.

“What? Not going to scream about aliens? Not going to rant about war crimes? Not going to threaten to sue us until our eyes bleed?” Twilight asked.

“Hrmph. With as much eyeball as you have—you should really be worried about that.”

Twilight responded by rolling them. She picked up a clipboard and quill. “Okay, the first item on the list. What's your name?”

“To you? I'm just test subject number fourty-two.”

“Well, you certainly are testy all right. I'll come back to that question later.” Twilight plunked her floating quill into an ink pot, then picked it back up. “Okay. What I really want to know is how you were able to cross over from the dream world.”

“What?” The bird got up and pressed his beak against the cage. He rattled the bars with his wings. “You're the one who kidnapped me, you crazy purple thing! You should be telling me that!”

Sighing, Twilight frowned at her checklist. “I was afraid of that. If you don't know, and I don't know, then obviously some as-of-yet unidentified third party was involved. This could get complicated if they come looking for you.”

“Oh. Wow. So one freak show after my hide isn't good enough, huh? Better make it a dozen, then. A score even. If I'm lucky, you'll all mutually annihilate each other and I'll get to choke to death while feasting on the carnage of a thousand souls.”

Twilight groaned and set down her clipboard. “Uh, look, I know it doesn't seem this way, but I really am trying to help. There's a lot that's happened to you that I don't understand, but what little I've seen has been quite troubling. It'll be better for us all in the long run if you cooperate, but if you don't then I'll have to leave you in that cage for now—for your own protection, of course.”

“Of course.” The bird rolled his eyes before turning around and slumping against the bars with his wings folded in front of his chest. “And while you're at it, why don't you stuff my cage with bubble wrap and sing about friendship and harmony while I repeatedly attempt to bash my skull in so I won't have to listen to you?”

“That's... You have a strange imagination.” Twilight cleared her throat. “But don't worry. We only prance about, singing about friendship on Saturdays.”

“What?”

Picking up her clipboard, Twilight flipped to the next page. “Alright. I think this is a question that you can actually answer: what are you, exactly?”

“Are those enormous eyeballs just for show? I'm a bird, obviously. What kind of stupid question is that?”

“Hmm. Let me rephrase that. What were you before you became a bird?” Twilight asked.

“And just what makes you think I haven't been a bird my whole life?”

Twilight grinned far too widely. She raised her hooves in the air and wildly flailed them about. “Oh look! I'm a googly-eyed freak show that stole your skin and stuffed you in a bird suit!”

He chucked despite himself, covering his beak in the hopes that she wouldn't notice. “Okay. So you got me there. If you want the truth, well, the truth is that I'm human—was a human. I... don't really remember that well, but I do know that much, at least.”

“Now we're getting somewhere.” Twilight jotted a few notes down. “This opens up a lot more questions, but I'll hold off on the personal ones until you're more comfortable with us.”

“Joy. I can hardy wait. Shall we start blowing up some lead balloons to celebrate? That's about as excited as I feel right now.”

“Um. Let's not.” Twilight closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Back to my earlier question. If you were a human before, and something turned you into a bird, then there obviously has to be a reason for that. But whatever that reason is is going to keep eluding us until we know exactly what kind of bird you are. I've checked all my books, and you're nothing like any of the birds that we have in Equestria. I was really hoping that you could help.”

“And what makes you think that I'd know? I've never done any bird watching in my life. I can't even tell a pigeon from a sea gull.”

Twilight rummaged in drawer under the table and puled out a small pink-rimmed mirror. Holding it up, she leveled it next to his cage.

At first, he didn't respond, pointedly looking away. But then, he caught hint of his reflection in the corner of his eye. He slowly twisted his head, then his eyes popped open. “I-is that...?” Reaching a wing up, he felt the note-shaped plume sticking out the back of his head. “It is!”

“It's what?” Twilight asked.

“No.” He hopped up, spread his wings, and glanced at his tail. “No!” His reflection stared back at him. He backed off until he bumped against the back of the cage. “No! No! NO!”

“What is it? What's wrong?” Biting her lip, Twilight set the mirror flat on its face. “Are you okay?”

“No! Of course I'm not okay! I'M A CHATOT! A FREAKING USELESS CHATOT! HOW COULD THIS POSSIBLY BE ANY WORSE?!”

The Pokemon's world dreamscape shimmered with a pale green hue. This light formed a disembodied mirage—an oasis of sight in an endless sea of blindness. It was the backdrop upon which legends took place, but the stage was empty. Nobody was there.

Um. Hello? A soft, tepid, disembodied voice rang out. It was neither here nor there, but everywhere at once.

Is anyone here?

The green glowing spot seemed to wander, or perhaps it didn't. There was no reference point against which to measure any definitive motion.

It's me, Gardevor.

The voice's greeting was met with a resounding silence, to go with the emptiness.

I'm supposed to help guide the chosen one.

Once again, there was not even the barest hint of a response.

I, um, I guess I'll just wait here then, all by myself. Changing tones, the voice faded into sadness. It's not like I have anything better to do...

Once again, the ponies gathered in Twilight's throne room. Chatot was allowed to roam free on the table—not that it mattered. Any one of them could catch him easily if he tried to run.

“Girls, this situation deeply troubles me, but before I explain my findings I think we owe it to our guest to explain a few things.” Twilight lit her horn and shuttered the windows, dimming the room. She formed a ball of white light at the tip of her horn and let it float above the table. Tiny beams shot out, projecting an image of the night sky against the walls. Satisfied, she tuned to face the bird on the table. “Since you're from another dimension, please let me know if something sounds odd to you. Documenting the differences will help us understand more about your origin.”

“You mean like how everyone here is a giant, technicolor alien bent on turning my life into a pure, living hell?” Chatot scoffed.

“We're ponies, darling.” Rarity clicked her tongue. “I do wish you'd stop calling us aliens. That makes me so uncomfortable.”

“Pah! You? Uncomfortable? Do you put bubble-wrap on your torture tools so you don't get splinters? Perhaps put air-fresheners in your chamber of blood so that your room of agonizing death smells nice? Or maybe you like to make doilies out of fresh skin? Or perhaps you—”

“That's enough!” Twilight stood up and smacked her hooves on the table. “Look, I know you enjoy ranting, but that was uncalled for. At least listen to what I have to say before you go off on a baseless tirade.”

“Fine.” Chatot sat down and crossed his wings in front of him. “Have it your way.”

Twilight groaned and rubbed her temple. “It's too bad Spike and Starlight are off on an adventure. Trying to deal with him by myself has been one constant headache.”

“Maybe he's from a dimension of excessively rude people?” Pinkie asked. “Where everypony immediately assumes the worst and automatically complains about it?”

“Well, it's a distinct possibility.” Twilight gave him a sharp look. “But personally I think it's just him.”

Chatot harrumphed. “Hey. I can be nice if I want to.”

“Yeah right,” Rainbow Dash said.

“Um. If it makes you feel better, you're only a little more rude than the beavers,” Fluttershy said.

“Well. That changes everything.” Chatot rolled his eyes. “I can't possibly be nicer than beavers. If I went that far, I might as well just smother myself in honey and roll around in front of puppies.”

“Er...” Fluttershy blinked.

“Anyway—” Twilight drew out the word to get their attention. “—we're not here to discuss his charming personality, or lack thereof. I called us here to discuss the original problem that brought him to my attention in the first place.”

Pointing up at the glowing sphere, Twilight said, “This light that I've created here replicates the stars in the night sky. You can see them projected against the walls.” She flew up pointed to a small group behind Applejack's crystalline chair. “As a point of reference, this is where I first located the anomaly.”

“What kind of anomaly?” Fluttershy asked.

“This is where things get a little tricky. I don't exactly understand it myself, so I'll just try to explain my reasoning.”

“Well that certainly fills me with confidence.” Chatot spread his wings. “If I had any idea how to use these things, I'd so be out of here.”

Flying back down, Twilight landed on her throne. “Back when Luna was trying to contain the Tantabus, she mentioned that Celestia could not help her in the realm of dreams, so I got to thinking that the dreamscape has gone for a thousand years without any kind of monitoring...” Her voice trailed off and she kept a close eye on the bird on the table. “Well? Aren't you going to ask any questions?”

“If I want to know about your crappy history I'll buy the book—no, scratch that. I'll wait for the badly-adapted movie to come out on late-night TV and I'll still sleep through it anyway.”

“What in tarnation are y'all goin' on about?” Applejack asked.

“Well, if it isn't the one with the stupid accent. Does everyone around here wear lead-lined, mercury tainted hats, or is that just you?”

“It's not stupid! It's traditional! And my hats aren't—”

“Applejack.” Twilight placed a restraining hoof on the orange pony's shoulder. “Don't let him get you riled up. That's exactly what he wants.”

Rainbow Dash scowled. “Well if you ask me—he's asking for trouble and I'm inclined to give it to him. No stupid talking bird is going to talk about my friends like that and get away with it.”

“Dash, please. Just leave it be,” Twilight said. “He isn't worth it.”

“Ha!” Chatot puffed up his chest and stuck his beak in the air. “As the sole representative of another dimension, I have diplomatic immunity. You heard it right from the purple blob's air-hole. So neener-neener!”

Twilight canceled her glowing ball spell and unshuttered all of the windows simultaneously, flooding the room with light. Everyopny except Pinkie Pie winced. “I'm sorry, girls. This was a bad idea. He said he was going to cooperate, but apparently that just meant low-volume ranting. I'm going to call this off. We'll discuss this without him since he's obviously not interested.”

“You're darn right I'm not,” Chatot said.

“So what now?” Fluttershy asked.

“Now?” Twilight shrugged. “Give him a tour of Ponyville, I guess. There's no sense in keeping him cooped up forever. Pinkie Pie, can you do that?”

“Um, I can, but are you really sure it's such a good idea?” Pinkie asked. “What if he flies away?”

“Hmm, good point.” Twilight rubbed her chin. “Rainbow Dash, can you give him some quick flying lessons? He's a former human so he doesn't know how to do it yet.”

“Once crash course coming up.” Rainbow Dash saluted, and flashed him with a wicked grin.

“I said what if he does fly away, not what if he doesn't,” Pinkie said.

“Well, aside from an unfortunate tendency to run his beak, I've determined that he's no more dangerous than the average pigeon. Thus, he's free to go if he wants. But if he does go, he'd be giving up free room and board and perhaps the only reasonable chance he has at returning to his home dimension.”

Chatot stuck his tongue out. “I'm no freeloader. Obviously, I pay for your service with my witty physique and handsome personality.”

“Plus, I think he enjoys tormenting us.”

Within the depths of the Wish Cavern mystery dungeon, a shady figure darted through cold, steel corridors. Vaguely humanoid with arms like tentacles twisted into double-helix patterns, this figure had navigated past many traps and wild Pokemon with startling ease.

It wasn't alone down there. A small blue Pokemon with a head shaped like an armored, three-pointed gold star was huffing for breath as it tried to flee. 'Try' being the operative word. A blur of extreme speed smacked into him, causing him to sprawl against the ground. His two golden tails rose up as if warding against further attack.

“You've failed, Jirachi. Some wishmaker you are,” The attacker said in a mewling voice like the drowning of kittens. “There's no Pokemon strong enough to stop me.”

“You're wrong, Deoxys. I've already beaten you.” Jirachi struggled to get up. He was battered, scuffed, and out of breath. “When my champion gets here, he'll put an end to your evil ways.”

The foul being laughed. While Deoxys was normally a reddish-orange creature with a masked, cyan face, it was now lined with black veins and a sickly purple aura smoked from its eyes. “My plan is further along than you realize. No Pokemon, no matter how strong they are, can battle disease. Once my infection spreads to the Hall of Origin, the whole world will be remade in my image!”

“And if my champion isn't a Pokemon?” Jirachi half-smirked. In an act of defiance, he hurled himself at the invader, attempting to smack his foe with his iron head.

The DNA Pokemon responded by wrapping an arm-tendril around a meteorite. In the blink of an eye, it reconfigured its entire cellular structure, morphing from its normal lithe humanoid shape into a bulkier figure with armored chest plates and thick, bladed arms. Jirachi bounced off, hardly doing any damage at all.

“That was a mistake.” In its defense form, Deoxys' voice was deeper, sounding more like drowning puppies than kittens. It pointed a bladed arm-tentacle at a growing black splotch on Jirachi's head. “Can you feel the illness spreading? Once it reaches your heart, you'll be under my full control. It won't matter what form your champion takes. You'll reveal your plan, and I'll put an end to it before it can even begin!”

“That'll never happen, Deoxys, never!” Jirachi spat. “I won't allow myself to become your thrall! I'd rather choose doom as my destiny!” Bright lights shimmered along the iron walls. These were reflections of fate, and their outlook was bleak.

Deoxys released its meteor and reverted to its normal form, giving it the agility to dodge the attack. It needn't have bothered, though. Jirachi was true to his word. When the lights peeled off the walls and shot out like bolts, it was his own body that they struck with needles of intense pain. He soon collapsed. Swirly-eyes proved that he'd fainted.

Whenever a Pokemon faints in a mystery dungeon, wild or otherwise, they're rudely booted out.

In a blink, Jirachi was gone, leaving Deoxys alone in the shadows. “Wow. What a drama queen.”

“Whelp. Time to fly,” Rainbow Dash said.

Before Chatot could protest, she scooped him up and shot out a window, flying straight up towards the clouds in the sky.

“AAAAH!” he screamed at the top of his very-impressive lungs. “THIS IS TREASON! MURDER! TORTURE! KIDNAPPING! FOUL PLAY! EMBEZZLEMENT! LET ME GO YOU HORRIBLE, TECHNICOLOR MONSTER!”

“Right here? Right now?” Rainbow Dash held him out at hoofs-length, making sure that he got a full view of the dizzying height that they'd ascended to in just a few short moments. “Well, that's one way to learn how to fly.”

“NO! STOP! YOU WOULDN'T DARE!” He clenched as tightly as he could to her leg, wrapping himself around it like velcro.

“Aw, relax.” She pulled him closer and wrapped a foreleg around him to prove that she didn't want him to fall. “I'm only taking you up to the clouds because they're soft and you won't get hurt if you crash.”

Chatot started to say something, but Rainbow's grip had other benefits and he only made muffled noises.

“Uh, look. There is something that I need to mention.” Breaking into a smooth glide, Rainbow Dash soared past some fluffy white cotton clouds towards a large sports field complete with stratocumulus bleachers. “You keep calling us technicolor monsters, and you really shouldn't. We're kinda sensitive about that.”

Squirming in her grip, Chatot managed to squawk out, “You are?”

“Well, yeah. I mean, we might look all happy and cheerful, but most of us have been dead for years.”

“WHAT!?”

“It's sad but true. The only thing holding us together is sunshine and rainbows.”

“I'VE CHANGED MY MIND! LET ME JUMP! I DON'T WANT MY BRAIN EATEN BY A WARNER BROTHERS REJECT!”

“Relax. We're perfectly safe. You won't have anything to worry about unless the color starts to leak out, and that hardly ever happens.” Rainbow Dash took a short dive and landed in a large open arena. There were cloud-pillars set up in a large oval shape to mark the boundaries of a race track. Cloud bleachers were off to one side, and empty. She held out the hoof he was clinging to. “Now hop down. I have some warm-up exercises to teach you before we get to the flying part.”

“NO! IT'S A TRICK! I'LL FALL RIGHT THROUGH THE CLOUD! YOU CAN'T FOOL ME WITH YOUR INSANELY OBVIOUS SCHEME!”

“What? No you won't. All birds can walk on clouds. That's just how it is. Now get down.”

“NO! I REFUSE! YOU CANNOT MAKE ME! IT'S A VIOLATION OF MY FUNDAMENTAL CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS AND RELIGIOUS FREEDOMS!”

Scrunching up her face, Rainbow Dash groaned. “Ugh. No wonder Twilight wanted to get rid of you.” She deftly shook her hoof, dislodging him. He landed with a small puff, flat on his face. “See? There was nothing to worry about.”

He harrumphed as he got up and dusted himself off.

“All right. Since you're new at this, we'll take it slow and start with the basics.” Rainbow Dash spread out her left wing as wide as it would go. “As with any kind of exercise, it's good to stretch and limber up first, and while you're at it, take the time to inspect your wings and make sure that all of your feathers are aligned. Pluck any broken ones and straighten out the rest.”

“BORING!” Chatot flopped on his back. “THIS IS ME, TOTALLY NOT CARING!”

“Ergh.” Rainbow Dash grit her teeth. “I can still just drop you, you know—and do you have to shout all the time? It's seriously getting on my nerves.”

“OH MY! AREN'T YOU JUST THE PRECIOUS DELICATE FLOWER? I DO DETECT A HINT OF SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE SYNDROME! WE'D BETTER NOT HURT YOUR FEELINGS, OR YOU COULD BREAK DOWN AND CRY!”

“Why you little.” Rainbow Dash bit her lip and took a deep breath. “Okay. I'm going to demonstrate the basic glide, and you'd better pay attention or else!”

She kicked off the white, fluffy ground and flapped a few times to gain altitude. Hovering in the air, she pointed down at him. “Okay, the glide's important because it allows you to rest in mid-air. It's also the easiest part of flying, but there's more to than just spreading your wings. You need momentum, and need control. Watch this.”

Tucking her wings in, Rainbow Dash let herself fall before spreading her wings and swooping across the field. She pulled up and started hovering again. “See? It's pretty easy once you get the hang of it. But if you'd prefer to start off with something wimpier than a dive, you could always try circling.”

Flapping once to send her forward, Rainbow Dash spread her wings and lazily skimmed the air. Tilted at a slight angle, she spiraled down in a large corkscrew pattern. “As you can see—hey! Are you even listening!?”

Chatot was face down, lying on the cloud. “I AM LISTENING TO THE VOICES IN MY HEAD THAT ARE TELLING ME THAT YOU ARE A TERRIBLE TEACHER!”

“I am not! You're just a terrible stu—aaah!” With her attention diverted, Rainbow clipped the top of one of the cloud pillars and spun out of control. With a sharp crack, she smacked head-first into another one and slumped to the ground.

“Wow. Way to prove my point.” Chatot rolled his eyes.

Rainbow Dash didn't respond. In fact, she wasn't moving at all. She simply laid there with her face buried in the cloud. Up here in the sky, there was no breeze, no shade, and the sun bore down without mercy. Suddenly, this cloud stadium seemed very much like a desert.

“Uh, hello?” Chatot clicked his beak. “This isn't funny. HEY WAKE UP!”

Rainbow Dash still did not move. If anything, she looked pale.

“Are you okay? W-well, I guess not, b-but I'm just a bird I can't exactly—wait a minute. This is your plan, isn't it? You're going to feign death and guilt me into flying off to find help. Well it's not going to work! Because I'm on to it!” Shuffling, he rubbed his chin. “Unless you really did die, or just knocked yourself out, and I'm stuck here...” He took a deep breath. “So I guess I should try to find help—f-for myself, of course.

“IS ANYBODY OUT THERE!?” Chatot yelled as loud as he could, but there was no response. Looking around, there was nobody else in sight as far as he could see.

A faint crunching noise caught his attention, like the gnawing of bone—or something else, something worse. “R-rainbow Dash?” he asked. There was still no reply. “Wow that's a stupid name,” he muttered under his breath.

One of Rainbow's limbs shifted, and she let out a long, slow groan.

Running over, he said, “Oh thank goodness, you're alive! Please don't scare me like that, I—”

“Uuuunn...”

The lifeless moan sent a chill through his heart. He froze, just in time to see her get up and swing her head to look at him. She was several shades paler than normal, her eyes were like beads, and she had a splash of rainbow across her muzzle and little brown specks on her cheeks.

“OH MY GOD! HER COLOR'S LEAKING OUT! SHE'S TURNED INTO A ZOMBIE! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! BUT NOT FASTER THAN ME! BECAUSE I WANT TO LIVE!”

Chatot's little bird legs scrambled like crazy, but he was no roadrunner, and the zombie Rainbow Dash easily kept pace. “Braaains...” she moaned.

The chase did not last long, as Chatot picked a bad direction to run and soon reached the edge of the cloud. The relentless, shuffling zombie had him cornered. “WAIT! STOP! YOU DON'T WANT TO EAT ME! I'M JUST A TINY LITTLE BIRD! I HARDLY HAVE ANY BRAINS AT ALL!”

“Bird braaains...” Rainbow Dash moaned and reached for him. Her mouth was slack and oozing with drool.

“AAAAAAH!” He jumped.

There's nothing quite like jumping off a perfectly good cloud. It might seem like a good idea, but then the ground rapidly wants to make friends, and the ground likes to play rough. In fact, the ground tends to break its toys.

Still screaming, Chatot flailed his wings around. The wind rushed into him, buffeting him as he reached out. Uncoordinated, his efforts sent him tumbling and he rapidly started to feel sick on top of the empty pit in his stomach and the sheer terror pumping through his heart.

This is point where his life would normally flash before his eyes, but he didn't have to remember much to see Rainbow Dash break out of her dive. Gulping, he spread both wings out and held them steady.

The buffeting of the wind jarred him, but he stopped spinning and started soaring. He was still in a deep dive, but the wind now worked with him rather than against him. He almost felt like he was in control.

Tilting his wings back, he curved through the air. It-it wasn't exactly exhilarating—not yet, anyway. He was still zipping far too fast, far too high, and had no idea how to land. The panic refused to release its iron grip on his heart.

Well, if birds could do it, then so could he.

He tried flapping against the wind, but he was inexperienced and lacked the proper instincts. Pushing too hard, he flipped over and panicked all over again, screaming at the top of lungs.

Now falling straight down, he forced himself into another glide. At this point, the ground was close and the tops of trees reached up to claw at him like undead hands. He pivoted, aiming for a soft-looking meadow. With everything rushing past at high speed, he tried flapping again to break his fall, but it wasn't enough and crunched right into a bush.

Thankfully, it wasn't a thorn bush and all he got were a few scratches. Compared to the last time he fell from the sky, he practically landed like a feather. His heart still beat furiously, but once he realized that he was both on the ground, and in relatively good condition, a wave a relief washed over him. Also, a shadow loomed over him.

Looking up, he came face-to-face with Rainbow Dash and her rainbow muzzle. “Boo.”

“AAAAAH!” Flailing about, he fell off the branch he was sitting on and bounced off leaves and twigs all the way to the ground.

Rather than eat his brains, Rainbow Dash laughed her head off. She laughed so hard that fell out of the air and thumped her hooves on the ground. “You should have seen the look on your face! I was like 'boo' and you were like 'aaah!' So funny!”

“I, uh, what?” He got up stared at her. “B-but, your color came out, and you turned into a zombie, and you said—”

“Oh this? There's no such thing as zombies.” Rainbow wiped off the rainbow discoloration off her face with a swipe of her hoof. She held up a chocolate wafer with her other hoof. “It's a joke cookie. They're pretty cheap if you buy them in bulk.”

“A joke? This was A JOKE!? THIS WAS THE WORST JOKE EVER! I WAS TERRIFIED FOR MY LIFE! HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT ZOMBIES AREN'T REAL!? I'M NOT EVEN FROM THIS DIMENSION!”

“You're right. You're not.” Rainbow Dash furrowed her brow and snorted. “This was no prank. It was a wake-up call. The fact of the matter is that you're new here and don't know anything, and rather than actually listen to the ponies trying to explain things, you've been nothing but one massive jerk.”

“Me? YOU'RE THE ONE WHO—”

Rainbow Dash pressed her hoof against his beak. “Who what? We didn't turn you into a bird. We weren't the ones who gave you amnesia. Yes, it sucks, but you're only making things worse by taking your frustration out on us. The way I hear things, Twilight actually actively prevented you from being kidnapped.”

“Wait. How did you know I was having trouble with my memory. I haven't told anyone.”

“It's pretty obvious. You never talk about what you left behind, and you never even told us your name. We think you can't even remember it.”

“It's Chris. My name's Christopher. I remember that much, at least.” He looked at himself, spreading his blue wings wide. On their undersides, small patches of yellow feathers matched the ones on his breast. “I'd offer to shake your hand, but neither of us seem to have any.”

The didn't deter Rainbow Dash who reached out to shake his wing with her own. “Well It's a pleasure to meet you, Chris. I'm sorry we couldn't meet under more pleasant circumstances, but you seem alright when you're not screaming your head off.”

“Uh, thanks, I think.” Chris looked back up at the sky. It was overcast, but it seemed different now that he'd seen what was up there. It was less like scenery and more of a destination.

“We're done with flight lessons today if that's what you're thinking. Your glide needs work, but you got the basics down. Right now, Pinkie's going to give you that tour of Ponyville and if you can make it through town without ever once screaming about the sub-prime mortgage crisis—whatever that is—and predatory lending, then I think we can call today a success.”

Chris narrowed his eyes. “I make no promises.”

A tall, pale pink blob with rabbit ears bounded into the town square. “It's horrible! A calamity! A disaster! Everything we know is wrong!”

“What's wrong, Wigglytuff?” A bell flower Pokemon known as Bellsprout asked.

A small crowd gathered while Wigglytuff panted, trying to catch her breath. Her normally bright and cheery eyes were bloodshot and lined with dark circles. “The Tadpole Pond friend zone just turned into a mystery dungeon!”

A huge gasp washed through the crowd. Friend zones might be wild areas, but they were safe. Pokemon could live there. Many rescue teams bought access to friend zones through Wigglytuff's shop as a means of encouraging recruitment. For a friend zone to go chaotic like this was unthinkable.

“No! My best friend, Lombre lives in the Tadpole Pond! I've got to see if he's alright!” Bellsprout ran off as fast as his roots could carry him.

“How could a disaster like this have happened?” The small rodent, Ratatta moaned.

“It's back enough that we can't evolve, and now this?” The baby croc Totodile held his head and quaked in fear.

“Has the whole world gone mad?” Pigeot asked. This large pigeon-like bird snapped her beak. “Who's to blame for this? Tell me and I'll peck 'em in the eye!”

“Calm yourselves, everyone.” Kadabra walked into the square, accompanied by his teammates: the mongoose, Zanzagoose and the snake, Seviper. Those latter two were famous for their rivalry, which dated back to their ancestors. However, thanks to Kadabra's wisdom, he redirected their animosity to a positive outlet, and they now competed to see how many Pokemon they could rescue. This was one of the reasons that Kadabra's rescue team had reached the coveted silver rank.

“Do you know what happened?” Wigglytuff bit her lip. “Is it going to spread? Is it going to happen again? Are we going to have to evacuate the friend zones?”

Kadabra twirled his mustache. “Yes. That might be wise for now. I've been talking to Xatu, and the world's balance has been disrupted.”

The crowd gasped.

“In the past, such upheavals threw the whole world into chaos, with old dungeons changing, new ones appearing, and dangerous traps making exploration treacherous.” Kadabra shook his head. “But a change such as this is unprecedented. I'm afraid the only way to discover what happened to Tadpole Pond is to explore it.”

Zangoose scraped his long, sharp claws together to sharpen their bladed edges. “I'll cut down the culprit with my powerful attacks!”

“Not if I do it firssst,” Seviper hissed.

“The world's balance?” Wigglytuff's eyes widened.

“Is this like the old legends?” Pigeot asked. “They say that only a human can restore the balance. You aren't a human, are you?”

“No.” Kadabra shook his head. “But one will come... eventually. Xatu has foreseen it.” Under his breath, he added quietly, “I think.”

Late the next day, Twilight and Chris were back in the castle, going over some papers. Twilight had moved most of her work into the main throne room, with a few stack of books piled next to her throne. They were laced with ribbons, feathers, and many other kinds of bookmarks.

For his part, Chris was squinting at a parchment rolled out on the table. He couldn't read the Equestrian alphabet, and Twilight didn't recognize his own, even after much research, so she compromised by drawing pictures.

“So this part where the comet hits the atmosphere, if I'm guessing these charades properly, the noise woke everyone up?”

“Uh, not exactly. That's where the comet itself woke up. I wasn't sure how to represent that so I used a sleeping pony. Sorry if that's confusing.”

“Hmm...” He rubbed at his chin. “I do vaguely remember falling from the sky. And if that comet was me, as you suggest, that would match what I saw.”

Twilight set down her scroll and stared at him. “Wow. I'm really surprised at you, Chris. You're actually being nice and genuinely helpful. Not that I'm complaining, but what happened?”

“Oh. Well, It's just—how can I put this? Everything seemed so colorful, so alien, so absurd, so dreamlike. I thought that I'd perhaps hit my head, and that I was in a coma, and that nothing mattered. But I had, well, a wake-up call. Let's just say that I suddenly realized that not only is everything real, but that it was so real it could actually kill me.”

“What!? I told them to keep a careful eye on you!”

“No-no. It wasn't like that. I was never in any real danger. I just—”

“It was a prank, wasn't it?” Twilight rubbed her temple and sighed. “I guess I should have expected that from Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie. They mean well, but sometimes they get carried away. I'll have to talk with them later.”

“No. Don't bother. I've already make peace with Rainbow Dash, though it would have been nice if PINKIE HAD BOTHERED TO WARN ME THAT SHE KEEPS AN ALLIGATOR IN HER HAIR!”

Twilight chucked. “Yeah. Gummy really spooked me too when I first met him. That was one of the most surreal bubble baths I've ever had. He's harmless, though. He doesn't have any teeth.”

“Yeah. I found that out the hard way.” Chris shuddered. He shook his head and shuffled on the table, glancing around the crystalline throne room, at the thrones, and up at the chandelier made from tree roots. “I've been meaning to ask, what's up with this huge castle, anyway?”

“Oh, this?” Twilight covered her grin and rosy spots appeared on her cheeks. He ears flopped back and she avoided looking at him directly. “I don't want to brag, but it was a gift from the Elements of Harmony. It symbolizes everything that I'm accomplished as the Princess of Friendship.”

“The elements of what the what?” Chris' left eye twitched. “Augh! Just when things were starting to make sense, the world's gone all crazy again!”

“Um, Chris...”

“And you're a princess, as in princess princess? As in your name was never on a ballot, royalty type of princess?”

“Er... I earned my wings but it wasn't through an election, if that's what you mean.”

“HELP HELP! I'M BEING OPPRESSED!”

Twilight promptly facehoofed and groaned.

Kadabra's team returned battered and bruised. Their faces were sullen and dark, and while they normally strode with purpose and confidence they shambled with defeat and aimlessness. Those in the town square gathered around them, with worried looks in their eyes.

“Oh no! Did you get knocked out?” Ratatta asked.

Kadabra shook his head. “No, I called off the mission.”

Pokemon gasped.

“Why? Were they too strong?” Chickorita asked.

“I fought hard and fasst,” Seviper hissed. “But they sshook off my coilss and my poisson didn't even sslow them down.”

“I fought even harder! But my claws hardly scratched them and they had some powerful attacks I've never seen before.” Zanzagoose whiffed at the air with her claws, but sighed and shook her head.

Kadabra held up his spoon while he paused to collect his thoughts. “The wild Pokemon in the Tadpole Pond were afflicted by some sort of dark power. It was like an illness of spirit that degraded their minds, if not their bodies. They behaved erratically and were very ferocious. When we tried to fight, they tore into us like butter.”

“So what did you do?” Pigeot asked.

He shrugged. “We avoided them as best we could. Thanks to my ability to teleport, we got all the way to the fifteenth floor, but we encountered a major problem.”

“It wass huge! A giant blue sserpent blocked out path,” Seviver said.

“Massive teeth! Such anger in its eyes! It was terrifying!” Zanzagoose shuddered.

“I wass more afraid than you were,” Seviper hissed.

Kadabra shook his head. “Gyrados was blocking our path. Like the rest of the Pokemon in that dungeon, he too was corrupted by the shadow force. There was no way to get past without fighting him, but we were in no condition for such a battle. At that point I had no choice but to activate our team's rescue badges and use their power to return to base. It was a disappointing outcome, but we did gain some valuable info.”

Floating a rock with his psychic power, Kadabra held it up for the townsfolk to see. “Gyrados appeared to be guarding a meteor, which seemed to be the source of the shadow aura. More troubling, it also gave off energies similar to those given off when a Pokemon evolves.”

“You think the meteor's interfering with evolution?” Wigglytuff asked.

“It seems likely, but without the meteor to study we won't know for certain. It'll take a very strong team to tackle Gyrados, though. Any other team that attempts this mission will have to be very well prepared,” Kadabra said.

“So we're stuck, then? There's nothing that we can do?” Pigeot asked.

Twirling his mustache, Kadabra stared at the large bird. “Now that you mention it, there is someone else we can ask. There are two rock-types, Solrock and Lunatone, who look like a radiant sun and crescent moon respectively. They are both living meteors who came from outer space. If something happened out there, they might be able to tell us more. However, they both live in the Sky Tower, which is Rayquaza's domain.”

“Rayquaza! Are you nuts?! That's the most powerful Pokemon around! That thing could eat us all for lunch without even batting an eye!” Pigeot shuddered.

“It'ss sscarier than Gyradoss?” Seviper asked.

“Hold me!” Zanzagoose yelled.

“I'll hold you tighter than ever before!” Seviper said before wrapping himself around the white mongoose.

“What are those Pokemon doing?” Chickorita asked.

Pigeot only blushed and spread a wing to shield the eyes of the young grass-type.

“Seviper and Zanzagoose are lovers?” Rattata whispered.

“Well, they are in the same egg group,” Wigglytuff whispered back.

Kadabra shook his head and used his power to teleport his teammates back to their rescue base where their antics wouldn't wind up in the front pages of the daily tabloids. He cleared his throat. “Okay. Back to the mission on hand. Solrock and Lunatone appear on the earlier levels of the Sky Tower while Rayquaza rests at the top. There's no need to actually face him.”

“So I guess after your team is, er, 'rested,' you'll be going that way?” Pigeot asked.

Kadabra shook his head. “No. Only flying types can reach the Sky Tower. I'll have to sit this one out.”

After spreading his wings wide, Pigeot folded them up crossed in front of his face. “Wait. Wait. Wait. You aren't actually thinking that I should go, are you?”

“I'm sorry, but you're the only one I know who's strong enough. Even on the early levels, the Sky Tower is a dangerous place.”

Hanging his head, Pigeot sighed. “Well, if I'm going, I guess I should inform my teammate. It's been years since we've been on a mission, though. Old Fearow's just as rusty as I am.”

With this meeting seeming to be at a close, the gathered Pokemon started wandering off. Even in the face of excitement and grand adventure, life's day-to-day chores would continue up until the world itself ended.

“Pigeot, one more thing.” Kadabra held up his spoon. “If you encounter any strange energy, be careful. That meteor really unnerved me, and I think its power has something to do with evolution. My partners don't have evolved forms and neither of them were effected.”

“I'll keep that in mind.” Pigeot rolled his eyes. “Hey—you know what would be absolutely perfect? If, like the old legends, a human came to save us. But! This human is also a flying type and this flying type also doesn't evolve. That would be perfect.”

“Yes. It would.”

They both stared at the clear, blue sky, which stubbornly remained clear and blue.

Twilight's next meeting with Chris wasn't for another week. She would have preferred to keep working, but the map called and she would up slogging through a bog in some dreary, dripping, hole in the ground that was so backwards that if squinted hard enough, she could almost believe that water flowed uphill.

Still, it wasn't such a bad adventure, as the swamp things were actually quite pleasant, even if they did smell like rotting compost and had an unhealthy obsession with shiny things. Rarity handled herself pretty well, all things considered. She only broke a few eardrums.

Lifting an ancient curse and making them look fabulous in the process? That was all in a day's work. Still in high spirits, Twilight hummed to herself when she strode back into the castle.

“I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE BACK! HELP! YOU HAVE TO HELP ME!” Chris flew over and landed on her head.

And just like that, her good mood burst like a soap bubble. “What is it now?” She grumbled. There wasn't even anyone else in the hall. In fact, from the complete lack of noise other than a ringing in her ears, Spike and Starlight Glimmer weren't even back yet. “There isn't even anyone else here.”

“It's awful! Terrible! Atrocious! The worst possible fate that could befall me!” Perched atop her horn, Chris stared down into her lavender eyes.

Twilight kept her eyes open for signs of trouble, but as she strode through the long, empty halls, the castle seemed to be exactly as she left it. “Did you hurt yourself?” she asked.

“What? Of course not! The great and amazing Chris does not squabble over mere scrapes.”

“So you're 'great and amazing' now? If you keep that up, you'll start to sound like Trixie,” Twilight said.

“Who?”

“Uh, nevermind.” Twilight shook her head, but Chris didn't fly off as she hoped. He clung tighter.

Grumbling to herself, she started opening the doors along the hallway to check the guest rooms, studies, and other areas for any sign of a disturbance. “Did you break something?”

“Pah! I have far more respect for furniture than the average living being. Your worthless belongings were safe with me.”

“Riiight. At least you're honest about that.” Twilight heaved a deep sigh. “You didn't do something to upset everyone in town, did you?”

“Define 'upset.' ”

Twilight stopped walking and crossed her eyes to stare up at him. “Chris, what did you do?”

Due to the fact that his perch was glaring at him with angry eyebrows, Chris felt the need to fly off. He flapped too hard and nearly hit the ceiling, but overall his flying was good enough just to get from point 'a' to point 'oh, bother.' He landed in front of the massive doors leading to the throne room. “It was only a little hobby of mine. Everyone has a hobby, right?”

“Yes. Eveypony has a hobby, but your habit of screaming random nonsense doesn't exactly go over well. If you want ponies to like you, you'll have to refrain from that, or at least tone it down.” Twilight dropped her saddlebags off in the hall. She'd have to thoroughly clean them before she could put away her books. They still smelt like the mud they were caked in. Twilight knew several spells that would work, but with a gradual headache coming on, she decided against using complex magic lest it get worse.

“For your information, I only do that when I'm feeling irritable, which is always. But no, that's not my hobby; that's just the way I am.”

“At this point, I'm afraid to ask.” Twilight shoved the massive doors open with her hooves. They might be big, but they weren't heavy thanks to counterweights hung in the walls.

Taking advantage of the opening, Chris flew up to the table and used his talons to spread some papers. “I was only airing my grievances and demanding just compensation for slights against my person.”

Twilight cocked her head and raised an eyebrow. She levitated over the stack of papers. “Uh, let's see, 'For allowing other birds to roam free and bother me, I demand that Lyra pay forth the sum of five hundred bags of popcorn.' ” She blinked. “What?”

“That seems fair to me. I really like popcorn.”

“Um...” Twilight flipped to another page. “ 'For the grievous crime of putting too much blue frosting on the left side of the cupcake, I have suffered undue emotional pain which can only be eased by an all-expenses paid tropical vacation.' Riiight.”

“It's true! Your day never gets better when your cupcake is lopsided!”

“But a tropical vacation? Really? Cupcakes aren't worth anything close to that.” After rolling her eyes, Twilight read another one. “ 'I'm hereby suing Apple Bloom for her lunch money.' You didn't even list a reason for that one!”

“She's Apple Bloom. What other reason do I need?”

“And this one—even if Trouble Shoes was somehow responsible for the sky's being too blue for your tastes, he's a rodeo clown, not—whatever you think he is. There's no way that he could ever deliver one hundred virgin bikini babes, even if they are 'more pleasing to the eye.' ”

“Humph. It seemed like a reasonable request to me.”

Shuffling through the papers, Twilight frowned. “Chris, did you really spend the whole weekend filing frivolous lawsuits against everypony in town?”

“Pretty much, yeah.”

“I feel sorry for the poor clerk who had to write all this down for you.”

“I wouldn't. She seemed to enjoy herself.”

“She... did?” Twilight raised an eyebrow. “And what about the rest?”

“Pah! For the most part, they all thought it was funny. No matter how much I complained, they didn't me seriously at all.”

“Given how absurd these claims are, it's no wonder. But there was at least one pony who was offended, right?” Twilight asked. She gave up on reading trough all the paperwork and set it down in a neat pile.

Chris shrugged, then spread his wings and kicked the papers, doing little to them. “I'm not sure 'offended' is the right word, but when I tried to sue Applejack, she broke down laughing so hard that they had to carry her off with a stretcher.”

“What? How did you manage that?”

“Her apples were far too apple-y for my very sensitive tastes. But when I asked for a million bucks, she just couldn't stop laughing.”

Twilight had trouble maintaining her composure. Her cheeks flushed with a shade of pink and she covered her mouth to hide her goofy grin whilst attempting not to snicker in his face. “Yes. I can see why she'd think that was funny. You know you asked her to kick you a million times, right?”

“Kick me?” Chris froze, and slowly looked up at her with wide eyes. “What?”

“Well, you did ask for a million 'bucks.' ” Twilight flew up in the air and swung her hind hoof, as if to demonstrate.

“Oh. Right. Because you're horses.” Despite himself, Chris chuckled. Then he started laughing and Twilight joined in as well. This moment of levity echoed through the empty chamber, filling the room with a kind of mirth that had been sorely lacking ever since he'd arrived. He wasn't just a displaced foreigner from another dimension, he was a person, and this was the first time she'd seen him really happy. The moment couldn't last forever, though.

Wiping the tears from her eyes, Twilight sat down on her throne and folded her wings up. “Chris, I do have one question, though. If you're not hurt, and nothing is broken, and nobody's mad at you, then what could you possibly need help with? You screamed at me like it was the end of the world.”

Ruffling his feathers, Chris stood up and puffed out his chest. “Well, obviously, I need your help to win these things. After all, how else can I get my just compensation for being me?”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Just because I'm a princess doesn't mean that I have ultimate authority. If I took any one of these to court and actually tried to prosecute, they'd just laugh me out of the room.” She picked the stack of papers back up and flipped through them. “There isn't a single one of these that I can actually—”

Pausing, she pulled one sheet out of the stack and held it close to her face. Her eyes widened and she let her jaw drop. “—Actually, I can help you with this particular one.”

“Wait, what?”

The Pokemon world continued to deteriorate. With the friend zones fully evacuated, so many Pokemon were packed into town that tensions flared and many battles broke out. Supplies were running so low that Kangaskhan, a rugged kangaroo-like creature who always seemed to carry a joey in her pouch, was forced to open up her storage facility and distribute items collected by rescue teams on their adventures—with their permission, of course. Even the Kecleon brothers, a pair of green and purple-skinned chameleons who ran the shops in town, greatly slashed prices on all their wares.

It didn't help that natural disasters started to reshape the world. The magma chamber under Mount Blaze, a mystery dungeon unto itself, was sealed off by an eruption. That was a clear sign that Entei, the legendary volcano Pokemon, was on a rampage. If he was carving a path of destruction, then Raikou would be sure to follow with terrible storms and Suicune would alter the climate by bringing the north winds wherever she went.

In the past, a brave rescue team lead by the previous human champion would challenge the legendary beasts and restore peace. Now, Pokemon were squabbling over scraps of food so grimy and disgusting that most rescue teams would ditch on sight. It seemed that the only end to their troubles would be the end of the world itself.

Kadabra had been deeply disturbed by the news brought back by Pigeot's team—so much so that he'd secluded himself from even his own teammates. If a champion was going to save the world, then one would have to arrive soon, or there wouldn't be a world left.

“ 'I hereby demand immediate justice for the horrible wrong of being turned into a Pokemon. To this extent, I demand that you punch yourself in the face five hundred times, Daisy,' ” Twilight read. She smacked her hoof on the paper. “Well, it'd make more sense to sue the one actually responsible instead of a random flower pony, and while it'd cathartic to watch them punch themselves in the face five hundred times, you should probably ask for more appropriate reprimands.”

“What? You can actually find the one who did this to me?” Chris asked.

“Sure. With Luna's help, I was able to trace the path of your comet through the dream realms. We know exactly where you came from and where you were headed. All we have to do is reverse the polarity on the spell that summoned you and bam!” Twilight smacked her hooves together. “Instant justice. That's the oldest trick in the book.”

“You can actually, like, actually actually do that?”

“Yes. But Chris, interdimensional justice is always tricky at best. If we want to get the best result, we'll have to build a full criminal case as leverage to press charges with. I know you've resisted my prying about your condition in the past, but everything we learn could help improve your standing. There's no telling what kind of defense the defendant will put up.”

“Wow. That's... a lot to think about.” Chris flexed his wings and stared at them. “I think... I think I'm going to go for a walk. I need to clear my head. And my entire world view. And my head.”

“That's fine. There's no rush. Take all the time you need—you have all the time in the world.”

“The world is ending!”

“The horror! The horror!”

“I'm too low level to die!”

“Ufu-fu-fu-fu-fu-fu-fu-fu!”

Following a massive earthquake, the town was in chaos. Pokemon flailed and ran about, screaming and shouting. Several retreated into their shells. Some flew off, only to fly back because parts of the sky were literally on fire. Massive dragons battling high in the sky had unleashed massive flame blasts and rained ash through gloomy, ice-speckled thunderclouds. Nobody was certain whether it was going to rain, hail, or if high winds would whip up a sandstorm, but they all agreed that it was going to be bad. The end of the world generally was.

In the midst of it all, Kadabra warped in and flashed everyone with a burst of bright light. This dazzled them, lowering their accuracy but also drawing their attention. “Everyone, I know what's going on!” he yelled.

“You do?” The snake Ekans rubbed her eyes with the tip of her tail. Many others were rubbing their eyes as well. “Tell uss.”

“Long ago, when the world was last on the bring of destruction, a human was summoned to save us. As the story goes, this human became a Pokemon and teamed up with Pikachu to form a rescue team. They grew close as friends had many adventures, but those aren't important now. What's important is that in the end, they were able to climb to the very peak of the Sky Tower mystery dungeon and awakened the mighty dragon Rayquaza in time for it to destroy an incoming meteor with hyper beam.”

“We know all this. That's the old legend. What's that have to do with what's going on now?” Khangaskan asked.

“I'm getting to that.” Kadabra held his spoon and twisted it. “As it turns out, the meteor wasn't completely destroyed. It was only smashed into thousands of tiny fragments. Many of these pieces lingered in space near the outer reaches of the atmosphere, absorbing cosmic radiation which enhances existing powers. You see, this meteor was also no ordinary rock. I'm sure you know about things like water stones, thunder stones, everstones and the like that can force or hinder evolution.”

“So the meteor was a giant everstone? Is that why we can't evolve?” Rattata asked.

“Not exactly.” Pausing to rub his mustache, Kadabra stared at the small rodent. “It was made of something called megasite.”

“That sounds like fun stuff,” Girafarig's tail said. “Uh, what is it?”

“In worlds where humans and Pokemon live together, the bonds that form between Pokemon and their trainers are so strong that they can enhance powers, speed growth, and unlock hidden potential. Pokemon are unique among creatures in that many of us can change forms through evolution, growing in both power and size. With megasite that's been properly attuned to a specific Pokemon, a trainer can force a temporary evolution of astounding power for the duration of battle.”

“Wow.” A dark purple ghost by the name of Gengar shrugged. “So I can become even stronger than I am now? Sounds great! Sign me up for this stuff!”

“I wouldn't be so quick to do that if I were you.” Kadabra shook his head. “Without that special bond formed between Pokemon and their trainers, attempting to use megasite on your own will drive you insane.”

“Oh.” She frowned.

“In fact, there's so much of that stuff permeating our atmosphere that changing forms through evolution or other means can also drive us insane. I have a feeling that one of the legendary Pokemon temporarily blocked our ability to evolve as a means of preventing widespread chaos, though I'm at a loss as to who it could be.”

“Megasite? Bonds between humans and Pokemon?” Wigglytuff chuckled. “You know, this would be a really, really, really great time to have a human champion living among us.”

“Yes. Yes it would. It really, really, really, really would.”

All eyes turned to the sky, but no spark of light emerged as a long-delayed human champion come to save them. The thunderstorm overhead let out a long, rolling roar that gathered strength and power as it tore across the landscape. And then, of all things, it started raining rose petals.

Ponies gathered in scores to fill bleachers around Ponyville’s latest sports stadium. This was one of those temporary structures that pop up when they’re needed and vanish once they’ve outlived their usefulness, often overnight. So, on average, it had about twice the average life expectancy as Applejack’s barn.

This week, it was hosting a much-anticipated contest between Ponyville’s hoofball team and some up-and-coming challengers from Dodge Junction. Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Snails were currently off the field, preparing their pre-game event. This budding sport was building traditions as quickly as it was gaining traction, and ever since that exploding party float incident in Brayston Station three weeks ago, the teams had somewhat informally been competing for the title of ‘most entertaining’ ever since.

Loud snaps, cracks, and flying splinters bounded from the field where the Junkies from Dodge Junction put on a show of strength by destroying as much furniture as they possibly could with their heavy-lifting magic, powerful bucks, and pulsating pectorals. That team was absolutely ripped with far more muscular tissue than common sense and they were proud of it.

It wasn’t a show that was unappreciated, and the fans lining the stadium hooted and clapped their hooves together.

The Ponyville team was currently gathered at the edge of the field. “You ready to sing and dance? Or are you ready to sing and dance?” Pinkie asked. She grabbed a rubber chicken and tossed it in the air.

“Sing?” Fluttershy bit her lip. “But look at how many ponies are out there. I can’t sing in front of a crowd like that.”

“You never had any problem during practice,” Pinkie said.

Teeth chattering, Fluttershy dove into a bush. “Hundreds of ponies weren’t watching us practice. I’m sorry, I can’t do it!”

Being a small bird, Chris never had any problem going wherever he pleased. Bypassing both the ticket booth and the anti-magic screening security checkpoint, he flew straight into the field and landed on Fluttershy’s head. “What’s up, Doc?”

“Oh. Hi, Chris. We were just preparing for Ponyville’s patented sunshine singalong soronet,” Pinkie licked her hoof and saluted. “That’s like a coronet and a sonnet—a real crown jewel of wordplay.”

“Uh. Right.” His eyes darted around the field, and he fixated on the mass destruction taking place. “You ponies have some very strange customs.”

“Hey, Chris. Since you’re here, maybe you wouldn’t mind singing for me?” Fluttershy asked.

He blinked several times before long down at the big teal eyes staring up at him. “What? Me? Why me?”

“Because you have a wonderful voice. Do you know that you often hum to yourself when you don't think that anypony is listening? If you weren't so busy with all the important stuff that Twilight has you doing, I'd ask you to join my bird choir.”

“Uh, thanks, I guess.” Chris glanced up from his perch at the load crowd of ponies lining the bleachers. Apparently, they all loved watching sofas get folded into pretzels. “I'm not really sure that's such a good idea, though. I haven't tried really singing before and now that I think about, I've never practiced either and, he-heh, I guess I can't because I don't even know the words.”

“Eh, don't worry about it.” Pinkie shrugged. “Let me start off solo and join in humming once you get a feel for the beat. You don't have to worry about the lyrics because nopony expects a bird to sing words, anyway.”

“Well, now that you mention it, I guess that could work, in theory, but that's a lot of people out there and I don't want to screw up—”

“Don't think about it,” Snails said. The third member of Ponyville's hoofball team was practicing his levitation by sitting atop a floating bucket. “I don't think about anything.”

“Yeah! And I'm sure you'll do do well, anyway.” Pinkie hopped in the air and clacked her hooves together. “If Fluttershy believes in you, then I do too. It'll be the perfect chance to show off what you can really do.”

“Hmm, Chatot is the music note Pokemon. I have been kinda itching to get out there and make some noise.”

“That's the spirit!” Pinkie waved a hoof towards the field as the other team stepped off to the side. Several ponies rushed in to drag off the abused furniture and clear the area. “Now let's go out there and do this!”

With the wind at their backs, they marched out there into the center of the arena. From further away, it was easy to dismiss the crowd, but now that all eyes were upon them, it seemed to swell in size. Chris momentarily forgot what he was doing, while his little brain went off on a wild tangent. He wondered just how awesome a telescope with a collective surface area equal to that of all those eyeballs would be.

A high-pitched squeal brought him back to reality as Pinkie Pie did a cartwheel and started singing about spreading cheer. Snails also joined in, mostly humming and doing that lame 'wa wa wa’s-instead-of-words-thing.' Flutterhy hummed and swayed beneath him, though she was far too quiet for anyone else to hear.

The music was, indeed, fairly simplistic, though Pinkie Pie liked to stop and interject a few quips now and then. He found himself flicking his beaded tail back and forth like a metronome as he was pulled into the music. Sure, the ponies had sung before, but this was the first time he'd actually stopped to listen to it instead of just locking himself in a closet until the crazy went away. It was actually really nice.

When Pinkie hit her chorus, Chris joined the refrain, squawking out a scratchy melody roughly in tune with the song. It felt odd for him to make bird noises, but hey, why not? It wasn't like he was being judged or anything, well, except by the hundreds of ponies watching him...

Taking a deep breath, he tried harder, refining his notes into a smoother melody full of modulated chirps and ringing tweets. There was a slumping noise, and Snails' falsetto abruptly ended, but Chris didn't care. He was really getting into this and sang for all he was worth.

When Fluttershy stopped swaying beneath him, he took off, hovering in the air. By now, his voice rang out loud and clear, all by itself. Even Pinkie Pie had gone silent, allowing him to complete the final verse all on his own.

He let his final note fly free, and with a labored flutter he returned to his perch on Fluttershy's head. Panting, he swiped the sweat from his forehead with a wing. “That was great! You were right, I really should sing more often.”

His comment was met with silence. The only noise coming from Fluttershy was a shallow breathing. In fact, she was lying face down, peacefully sleeping. Snails was on his side, and Pinkie Pie was flat on her back. Her mouth hung open, except when she snored, making tiny motor boat noises.

“Um...” Chris gulped. There was something very important that he'd forgotten: when Pokemon sing, they put their target to sleep. “Whoops.”

“Well, that was certainly an interesting performance.” The announcer said. Holding a megaphone with a golden aura, she had a bright mint coat, with equally bright toothpaste hair. That was Lyra. “Everypony please give a round of applause to the Fun Wagon!”

Ponies in the bleachers halfheartedly stomped and clacked their hooves together. Whatever they'd been expecting, they hadn't gotten. Chris shuffled uneasily.

Leaning down, he whispered in Fluttershy's ear, “Psst. Wake up.”

She failed to stir.

“Well, that's it for the introductory spectacles. It's time for the main event! Is everypony ready for some Hoofball!?”

“Yeah!” The crowd roared.

“Wake up!” Chris yelled and tugged on Fluttershy's ear, to no avail. She didn't even twitch.

Several referees came out and started drawing lines in the grass around them. They made a simple circle pattern, representing the size of the playing field.

“WAKE UP!” Now shouting at the top of his lungs, Chris caused the other ponies to wince, but it still didn't work. Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Snails were sound asleep.

There was a grunt, and Chris looked up to a massive wall of pure, blue, muscle. Looming over him was the Dodge Juction earth pony. Visions of showers of splinters filled his mind as hot breath smothered his personal space. “Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope,” Chris muttered as he flew off. “Uh, sorry, guys. I hope you can still play well while, um, asleep.”

“And there goes our team's mascot. What a strange little bird.” Lyra cleared her throat. “Well, with the field clear, the hoof-off can begin! It seems our team's opted for an odd strategy, lying down and pretending to be asleep. Is this a trick to throw the opposition off-guard? Stay on the edge of your seats, folks. We'll find out soon enough.”

The referee blew his whistle and tossed the ball. There was a brief smack and clunk as the ball was kicked right into the Junkies' goal.

“Um, okay. The score's now one-zero, in favor of the Junkies. I guess our team's so good that the feel they can give a free point to make this a fairer fight.”

The referee blew his whistle, and once again, the ball flew right into the Junkies' goal.

“Or, two points. Heh-heh,” Lyra chuckled weakly.

Another whistle. Another goal.

“Uh, yeah, our team's good, but maybe they're a bit too confidant? Perhaps it's time for a comeback?”

Not so. Another goal.

“Well, that's four to zip, they only need two more points to win. But, hey, you never know what'll happen in a hoofball match, right?

Clunk. Point.

“This is it, folks! It's down to the final round! There they go and—ooh! Look at that! Fluttershy blocked the goal with her spinning tail thing! And it's back to Pinkie! And there she goes with a tail spin of her own! I've never seen such an intense round of hoofball in my whole life! And, oh, who am I kidding? I've never seen such an intense round because it's not happening. That's right, folks. It's game over. They completely wiped the floor with us in the most embarrassing game I've ever seen in my whole life. Was our team asleep out there!?” Lyra smacked herself in the face. “Yes. Yes, they were.”

High in the mountains, far to the north, a large cream fox groaned and idly scratched at the walls of her stone den. She swished her many tails around, flopped over and stared at the ceiling. “What is taking so long?” she mused, to nobody in particular, though a colony of Zubats has apparently decided that her cave was a good place to live.

She'd have done something about that, but it all seemed pointless what with the end of the world and all, plus the little purple bats were as annoying as hell.

Yawning, Ninetails stretched herself out and smacked her lips. She stared blankly at the chaos unfolding in the sky outside her cavern. “I was the one who sealed off evolution. I even told Gardevor to give lots of hints about it. Why hasn't the human champion come yet? I would have thought this was important!”

Alas, as important as it might have been, it was still not going to happen.

It wasn't long after the game that Chris had decided to tell them what he knew about Pokemon. And, like usual, they has all decided to gather in the castle's throne room. Why couldn't they all gather in some place with a nicer environment and tasty muffins, like Sugar Cube Corner for once? Then again, if Cris had a giant, crystalline throne, he'd want to sit in it as much as possible too.

“So, um, sorry about accidentally putting you all to sleep and ruining your big game,” Chris said.

“Um. It's not a big deal. We only play the game to have fun,” Fluttershy said.

“It's not? But with all those people, and huge crowd...” He paced around on the table. “I would have thought for sure that it was an important, serious event.”

“Aw, shucks, sugarcude. Y'all don't have to fret about this. Fluttershy's right. While some ponies thrive on competition, she and Pinkie just play because they like to. They don't really care if they win or loose as long as they're having fun,” Applejack said.

“They don't?”

“No. They don't, though if it was me I'd have been pissed.” Rainbow Dash briefly hovered over him before settling back in her seat.

Chris chuckled. “Oh, well, I guess if it was just for fun then it's not a big deal, after all.”

“Fun is a serious business!” Pinkie Pie stood up and stomped on the table, causing Chris to jump. “You don't mess with fun!”

Twilight grinned at Pinkie's outburst, but masked her amusement and evened her jaw before talking. “Chris, while it's true that while we're not mad at you, you did ruin the game for everypony else who came to watch it.”

“Oh. Right.”

Sighing, she shook her head. “Nevermind. What's really important is that you've apologized for it. I wouldn't worry about the townsfolk, either, as most ponies are quick to forgive and worse things happen all the time.”

“Worse thing? Like what?” Chris asked.

Tapping on her chin, Pinkie rolled up her eyes to look at the ceiling. “Well, there was this one time where the kids were having a go cart race, but some big ponies messed everything up by crashing all the carts in one big pile-up.”

“Pinkie.” Applejack glared.

“And another time a bunch of Parasprites were harassing town, and Twilight made them eat everything that wasn't food and they destroyed everything.”

“Pinkie.” Twilight also glared.

“Oh! And she also turned Fluttershy into a vampire bat, and brainwashed the whole town into fighting over her Smarty Pants doll, and there was this time where—”

“Pinkie! I think he gets the idea,” Twilight said. She paused while staring at the pink pony, who grinned and sat back down in her seat. “Now Chris, you were going to tell us about this 'Pokemon' thing of yours?”

“Yes. It's, well, how do I explain it?” He rubbed his wing at the back of his head. “It's all so strange for me, because as best as I can remember, which isn't very well, Pokemon weren't real. They were just...”

“Weren't real?” Rainbow Dash cocked her head. “But you look real to me.”

“Dash, he's a human from another dimension, remember? He was turned into a Pokemon against his will.” Twilight had some bitterness in her voice as she spoke. “Go on.”

“Right. Well, Pokemon were part of a video game. Actually, several, no lots, of games and even parts of TV shows and movies and merchandise, and probably several other things too.”

“Huh. So kinda like the Power Ponies series that really draws you into the adventure,” Pinkie said.

Chris blinked. “Um, I'll have to take your word on that. Anyway, since Pokemon are part of a game, their lives are governed by game mechanics. Every Pokemon has one or types, can learn up to four combat moves, and has a special ability that may or may not be useful in some way.”

“Types? Moves? Abilities? This is all very confusing,” Rarity said.

“Uh, right. I guess an example would help. As a Chatot, I'm a normal-flying type. And, uh, that's not something I ever thought I'd say, but anyway, the normal type immune to ghost attacks, and vulnerable to fighting, but the flying type is resistant to fighting and bug, and, uh grass, and immune to ground, but vulnerable to—”

“Immune to ground? What does that mean? Is that how you survived cratering Applejack's barn?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Um, I think it means that ground attacks automatically miss? I don't know, really. It's not like I've gone out and started fighting random things to test all of this.”

“Fighting? Ghosts?” Fluttershy shuddered. “Being a Pokemon sounds awful. What if you get hurt?”

“Yeah. That does sound bad, but supposedly they enjoy it. I guess earning experience and leveling up must outweigh the effects of getting pummeled repeatedly. Perhaps all Pokemon are masochists. I wouldn't really know because I've never fought another Pokemon.” Chris shuffled his wings and stared up at the ceiling.

“So you're telling me that whoever turned you into a Pokemon did so in order to force you into fighting other Pokemon?” Twilight asked. She frowned deeply and held up a quill and scroll and scribbled down some notes.

“I, uh, don't know the real answer, but seems likely. There are some games where they don't fight, but...”

“Don't fight? But what's the point of having all those types and moves and things if you aren't going to use them?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Perhaps I should be a bit more general about what a Pokemon really is.” Chris clacked his talons across the table and unrolled a sheet of paper. Holding a quill in his beak, he drew a rough sketch of a circle bisected through the middle and with a button on the side. “This is a Pokeball. They're red and white, and about the same size as an egg, tennis ball, cupcake, or other object that you could hold in one hand, er, if you had hands, that is.”

“I think we get the idea,” Rarity said.

“The word 'Pokemon' itself is a combination of two other words, 'pocket' and 'monster.' Pokemon are special, distinct from other animals because—”

“Did y'all say 'monster?' ” Applejack's eyes widened and her ears perked up. “Hold on a sec, would ya?” She reached up and fished under her hat, pulling out a few sheets of paper that she squinted her eyes and shuffled through. “Now where was—aha! ...oh.” Her ears fell. “Say, uh, Pokemon come in different sizes, right?”

“Uh, yes. They come in all kinds of sizes from the tiny Caterpie to the colossal Wailord.”

“And yer a big Pokemon, right?”

“Um, no. Chatot is fairly small. I mean, just look at me. I'm only about a foot tall, er, if you had feet instead of hooves, that is.”

“What are talking about, silly? Hooves are feet. I mean, I think they are. I don't usually stand on my head, but when I do, does that mean my head is a foot?” Pinkie asked. She rubbed her chin.

“Something is certainly afoot.” Rainbow Dash flew out of her chair and hovered over Applejack's shoulder. “What's all this about, anyway?”

“Rainbow...” Clenching her papers close, Applejack shot the flying pony a glare. “Can y'all rein yerself in fer a bit? Ah'm almost done.”

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes but settled back in her seat. “Fine. I was only curious.”

“ 'Rein yourself in.' ” Chris chuckled. “I'll have to remember that one. You ponies have some of the silliest sayings.”

“Well, if yer not a giant Pokemon, then maybe... Do Chatot come in different sizes?” Applejack asked.

“What? How would I—um,” Chris spread his wings and looked at himself. “Maybe. Probably?”

“Would y'all consider yerself to be a giant, monstrous Chatot?”

Chris shrugged. “Sure. Why not?”

“Sweet! 'Cause my insurance covers giant monsters. Maybe I can get 'em to pay for the barn, after all.” Grinning, Applejack rolled up her papers and stuffed them back under her hat.

“...okay.” Shuffling his feet, Chis tugged at the white crest around his neck. “So after that rather surreal tangent, I can finish explaining about Pokemon.” He took a deep breath. “What separates a Pokemon from an ordinary animal is that Pokemon can be captured and stored inside of a Pokeball.”

“What?” Twilight's mouth hung open.

“They turn into some kind of energy or something. Nobody really knows what happens inside of a Pokeball.” Chris momentarily lost his train of thought while he watched Twilight scribble that down like some kind of rabid bookworm. Dead silence filled the room when she stopped. “Right. So once a Pokemon is captured, they can be used in battle to fight other Pokemon or they're simply added to the trainer's collection.”

“What kind of collection?” Fluttershy asked.

“One of the goals of the Pokemon games is to collect them all. There are hundreds of different kinds of Pokemon, but a trainer can only carry six at a time. Most of them never even get used.”

“That's just... That's all kinds of wrong!” Twilight slammed a hoof on the table, causing Cris to jump back. “Here, we have Chris, an intelligent, free-thinking being who was unfairly ripped from his home dimension, and for what? To serve as a slave in some stupid fighting contests? To be added to a collection and sit in some dusty old box forever? What could possibly justify that? I can't think of anything that even comes close!”

Breathing heavily, Twilight held up a shaky hoof, pointing it at Chris. “When I get my hooves on whoever did this to you, I'll litigate them straight back to magic kindergarten!”

While the ponies were busy discussing their legal options, the Pokemon had basically given up. Even with the town square as as packed as it was, there was hardly any movement, and hardly any chatting. Why bother getting up when the world was ending? Why bother to look someone in the eye—to acknowledge their existence—to say 'hello' or 'goodbye?' All things considered, the end of the world was a prety rude place to be.

“Everyone, listen!” Kadabra didn't need to bother with theatrics to make himself heard, but he still failed to turn any heads. They weren't ignoring; they simply didn't care. Kadabra faltered from this lack of interest, and he paused to survey the scene.

Rattata and Meowth were both side-to-side, lying on the ground, staring up at the stained, red sky. From what little he knew about their cat and mouse games, he could have sworn that they hated each other. Either they'd reconciled their differences, or the gloom of certain destruction had cast a pallid light on their petty squabbles, highlighting the insignificance of every action they took.

Normally well-kept, the shops were closed and in shambles. Boards were scratched, singed, splintered or frozen, the result of run-away battles in the recent past. Wares were completely gone. What little glass the shops had was cracked or broken. Even Wigglytuff's Friend Zone shop, which had been closed for weeks, had been vandalized. Any one of the Pokemon could have done it. Any one of them could probably point to the culprits too. But it didn't matter. Nothing mattered. The world was ending, and Kadabra was about to make it worse.

“Everyone, I have bad news.” Closing his eyes, he paused to steel himself for the blow he was about to give. “The Hall of Origin, home of the all-creator Arcerus, has been breached. The golems of ice, rock, and steel that have stood guard for centuries have fallen in battle. Should Arcerus—” Kadabra stopped talking and shook his head. “I tried to see what the future holds, but the move failed, and I don't know why.”

Sulking on the ground, the pink blob, Wigglytuff, pointed one of her pudgy limbs at the psi pokemon. “So what if your future sight is on the fritz? You don't need to be psychic type to see the obvious. The sky is hemorrhaging, and with its loss of life force, so too, have we lost the will to live. We are but fleas upon a chicken who's head's been severed. The world is in its death throes. Does it matter if the world ends today or tomorrow? It's sill ending, and there's nothing that anyone can do.”

“It does matter, because it's definitely ending tomorrow.” Kadabra paused to stroke his mustache. While his expression was blank, his focused attention seemed to suggest that he was trying to unravel the secrets of the cute balloon pokemon with his mind. “You're unusually poetic.”

“Pah!” Wigglytuff spat. “I can think of many things that I would have wanted to do before I died, but in the face of actual the end of the world, I can see now just how pointless and petty they all are. Even thinking itself is pointless, but I can't stop doing it. So I sit, and think, and wait.”

Several others in the square nodded, but they didn't turn their heads, nor did they otherwise move.

Kadabra sighed. “It gets worse, I'm afraid. Through deep meditation, I was able to briefly contact Gardevour. That pokemon had been cursed long ago. She lost her physical form, and currently resides in a corner of our dream world normally reserved for humans.”

“Sshe'ss the lucky one.” It was unclear who spoke, but the manner of speaking suggested one of the snakes. The hooded cobra, Arbok was draped over the shattered remains of the fountain's pokemon statue like a melting clock.

“Anyway, I learned that a human champion had indeed been summoned, but never arrived.”

That got a reaction. The crowd collectively gasped.

“What!?”

“No!”

“I didn't think it was possible, but we're even more doomed than we were just five minutes ago.”

“How could something like that have happened!?”

So many pokemon were talking at once that it was impossible to tell who was speaking. “It's true! The gods have forsaken us!” one of them yelled.

“No! They have not!” Kadabra forcefully stomped on the ground. That didn't work, as he was too weak to make an impact, so he flashed them again. “Listen, everyone, can you tell me why a champion is summoned?”

“To save us, of course. What kind of question is that?” A large, foul-smelling flower pokemon called Vileplume said.

“Right. It doesn't summon a human, specifically, but a savior.” Kadabra held up his spoon. “So if the move failed, that can only mean one thing: the savior's already here.”

“Already here?” Rattata gaped.

Eyes widened and heads turned. Backs straightened and mouths hung open. The gloom which had settled upon the townsfolk had been cast off.

“That's right! Look around you and tell me what you see? Each and every one of you is a pokemon! We've all spent time battling. We've all gained experience, increased our level, and learned combat moves. We all know how to fight. Are we all just going to sit here and do nothing when the world's about to end? No! We're going to get up, gather our teams, and we're going to go to the Hall of Origin and fight for not just our lives, but our very right to exist! Are you with me!?”

“YEAH!” the crowd roared.

“So let's get out there and make 'em faint!”

Before Twilight could make the arrangements to cast that spell, Starlight Glimmer and Spike returned from wherever it was that they'd been gone. For somepony who'd gotten a lot of acclaim from her mentor, Starlight's actual demeanor was somewhat questionable. For instance, she was supposed to deliver a friendship journal, but actually turned over a twelve page report on the subtle nuances of inspecting ball pits.

Chris could tell that those two had a long history and needed some time to catch up. While he would have liked to stick around and pester the curious little dragon, he felt as if his time might be better spent hanging out with one of his other friends.

Other friends... huh? Was he really thinking of these ponies as friends now? That seemed odd to him, but even with their eccentricities they'd been nothing but nice to him, well, mostly. Perhaps he wouldn't hang out with Rainbow Dash just now. To gather his thoughts, he stopped and perched atop a largely overshadowed tulip tree just outside the weird, crystal palace. As much as he hated to admit it, he really liked the freedom that came with being able to fly, even if it was exhausting. His memories of being human were about as trustworthy as the average spam e-mail, so he had nothing to really compare against. That, in and of itself, made him anxious.

What was going to happen when they summoned his, er, 'abductor?' Was he finally going to get answers? Was he going to become human again? Would they send him home? Would he even want those things to happen? How would he know if he didn't know what his life as a human was like? This was all very frustrating.

He didn't want to think about it. He needed a distraction.

Hanging out with Fluttershy might him calm down, except for the fact that he'd never gotten used to all the horrible things with bad breath and predatory eyes that frequently roamed her cottage. Speaking of which, there was this one time where she brought home a large, three-horned monstrosity that had more teeth than face, and, well, things got very loud after that. In hindsight, that had been a funny moment, though he probably shouldn't have called it a 'gateway to the dimension of unoriginal horror' to its face.

Pinkie Pie could be fun, sure, but Chris wasn't in the mood for slapstick. Of the other two, he opted for Rarity, taking off and soaring over town. It wasn't a matter of preference, just that Applejack's orchard made her easier to easier to hang out with since he could fly in whenever he wanted to and he'd spent a lot more time with her already. If he really was going to be leaving soon, then he'd feel bad if he didn't at least try to even things out a little.

The town was as vibrant as usual, with ponies milling about, meandering the streets like a bunch of skittles-colored ants. Idly, he wondered if they each had unique flavors too but decided that such thoughts were best left to the realm of speculation. Brightly-colored animals had this annoying habit of being highly poisonous. Well, that and it's best not to tempt something a hundred times larger than himself into biting back.

Not in any particular hurry, Chris circled around, taking in the sights. Wait—what's that?

Down below, a certain cream-colored stallion was sitting in a certain romantic dinner balcony with a different-colored mare! Chris let out a high-pitched chirp and grinned. This, he couldn't resist.

Swooping low, he aimed directly for a unicorn waiter's horn, landing with a clack and that staticy-tingle of disrupted magic. A large platter of soiled dishes came crashing down, causing many of the diner's patron's to jump and turn their heads. For his part, the waiter maintained a stoic calm. Blue eyes as large as dinner plates glared up at him. “Do you mind?” If his voice was a fly, it'd be drowning in soup.

“I'm neither a mind nor a brain-sucking squid, but it's good of you to ask,” Chris replied.

The waiter snorted and Cris had to hop into the air to avoid being shaken off. He perched himself on a nearby low-hanging tree branch. The tree had a subtle nutty odor and that along with a clump of distinctly-shaped, wavy dried leaves nearby told him that he'd landed in a oak tree. He would have preferred to take a chair, but these ponies used stools and cushions instead. If he landed on one of those, he wouldn't be able to see over the table.

In a sweep of lemon-tinted magic, the broken delicate china unshattered itself and alighted back upon the floating platter. That was so cheap! If Chris could do that, he wouldn't be able to resist using all of his plates back home as Frisbees. Back home...

He shook his head. His past was little more than a vague feeling of a dream unremembered; it had about as much substance upon his soul as a stale spiderweb. For now, there were ponies to torment, and this one in particular looked like he deserved it. He crowed unceremoniously to get their attention. “Why if it isn't the casanova himself. Are you enjoying the evening with your one-and-only girlfriend?”

“Er...” Caramel seemed taken aback. Briefly, his eyes widened and he glanced at his partner, who raised an eyebrow. Quickly, he composed himself. “Yes. Myself and Roseluck here were having a wonderfully relaxing bird-free evening,” he said in a not-so-subtle hint.

Pah. If Chris was the type to take hints like that, he'd be spending every day locked in his own closet. Flying down, he landed in the middle of the table, kicking over the candle centerpiece such that it landed in Caramel's soup. The stallion frowned, but Chris ignored him. “Wow. Rose, huh? I really like what you've done with yourself.”

“Um, thanks?” She gave him a watchful eye, clearly nonplussed at the interruption.

“That's such lovely hair. The reddish hue with the pink streak is so much better than that boring blonde you used to wear.”

“What?” Roseluck blinked.

“Your cream coat is so suave and smooth, unlike that ruffled, frumpy blue,” Chris said.

“What!?”

“And you did away with the wings too—heh. Who needs those things, right?”

“What!?” Roseluck stood up and pressed her hooves against the table. Caramel appeared to be attempting to hide behind the menu.

“And you changed your name. I must say, 'Roseluck' rolls off the tongue a lot better than 'Sassaflash.' ”

“I have no idea what he's talking about,” Caramel said.

Chris chuckled, picked up a leek from Caramel's plate and swished it around with his wing. “Sure you do. I saw you both here just yesterday. And if I dare say so myself, those green eyes complement her looks a lot better than orange does.”

“You told me you broke up with her!” Roseluck glared across the table. “Caramel...”

“Hey! I was out bowling with the guys last night, just like I'd said I was. He obviously has me mistaken for somepony else.”

Clearing his throat, Chris did his best to mimic Caramel's voice. “Oh Sassaflash, you're the one for me. Ain't no other girl who can hold a candle to you, baby.”

“I never said that!”

“Are you sure? Because that sounded exactly like you.” Roseluck flattened her ears and bared her teeth. “You said the same thing to me just last week!”

“Now wait a minute!” Caramel smacked his hooves on the table. “I did say that to you because it's true. You really are the one for me, snooklepums. I swear, I haven't seen Sassaflash since I broke up with her last year. Just because this bird sounds like me doesn't mean that it's telling the truth. Who do you trust? Me or some weird parrot thing?”

That was kinda odd, actually. Chris hadn't expected being able to copy Caramel's voice so perfectly. Didn't Chatot's Pokedex entry mention something about being able to mimic human speech? Perhaps it worked for ponies too? Odd, up until now he always thought that stuff was just flavor text. Well, now wasn't the time to dwell on it. He had somepony's day to ruin.

“Oh, you know us parrot types, we just repeat exactly what was said.” Of course, Chris had only flown by the restaurant and didn't actually know what they'd been talking about, much less what they said, but that wasn't important. He could just make up whatever. All he really needed was the sound of Sassafash's voice and remembered that she had a soft, airy tone when he was complaining to her that the blueness of her coat too closely matched the color of the sky. Roseluck was eying him intently while Caramel bit his lip. Yeah. He deserved this. Clearing his throat, Chris said in Sassafash's voice, “Oh Caramel, I'm so glad that you finally decided to dump that frumpy old Roseluck girl. Now we can finally be alone together at last!”

“Caramel!” Snorting steam, the flower pony slammed her hooves on the dining table, rattling the dishes.

“What? No. I didn't—she never sad that.”

“She didn't say that? So you were talking to her, after all?” Scowling, Roseluck narrowed her eyes. Her stare bored into Caramel's soul and he wilted under her gaze.

“That's not what I meant! I mean—she never would have said that even if we were talking, which we weren't, because we weren't talking, yeah.” Clenching his teeth, Caramel scrunched up his face and shifted his eyes back and forth.

Yeah, that explanation was lame, and everyone else thought so too. Other ponies who'd stopped to gawk rolled their eyes, as did Cris.

Roseluck let out a pained sigh. “Caramel, you know what? I've heard enough. From the sound of things, you've been lying to the both of us.”

“Me? I'm not the one who's been making stuff up! Talk to the flapping bird!” With a shaky hoof, Caramel pointed at Chris.

“Yep. That's me. Master of being a flapping bird.” Cris dropped the leek. What did he think he was? A Farfetch'D? An angry glint in the stallion's eyes told him he'd best be ready to make like a tree and leaf—leave. Yeah, that.

With a snort, Roseluck rejected her seat, forcefully pushing away from the table and causing the plates to rattle. A few drops of sparkling red grape juice sloshed from their goblets, dribbling down the sides of the crystalline glasses and oozing into the white tablecloth. She forcefully prodded a hoof at the waiter. “Hey, you. We're done here. Bring him the bill—” leaning in close, her hot breath puffed against his face “—and double it.”

“What? No. You can't do that!” Caramel's mouth hung open. He stared in disbelief as Roseluck stormed off. “Wait! Come back!” His cries were hollow, though, and in that hollow her retreating hoofsteps rang louder than the general chatter and murmurs washing over the room.

The waiter finished scribbling on his notepad and took a step back when magically delivering the bill. Scowling, Caramel snatched it out of the air, and his eyes popped open. “This is all your fault!” He took a swipe at the annoying bird, who'd already taken off.

“That's my cue to leave. Later, snookums!” Chris circled once before flying off, taking the time to savor the chaos that he'd sown. Chuckling under his breath into the enticing wind of the open sky, he couldn't help but think about how upset those ponies were. And yet... the world was now a better place. It's funny how that worked out.

“You lied to them.” Xatu got straight to the point. She paced across her barren, rocky plateau, intermittently glancing at the sky. The sun, wherever it was, hadn't bothered to show itself in days. The sky was full of eerie glows, with sunset colors intermixed with the aurora borealis, and clouds too, lots and lots of clouds.

Kadabra slowly nodded. There wasn't any point in trying to lie to a fellow psychic. “Yes. I did.”

Snapping her long, crooked beak, Xatu flared her wings and cawed. The sound echoed across the canyon. When she was done, she whipped around to stare at her trespasser. “Future sight does not fail. You saw nothing because there is no future. The world ends tomorrow.”

“It does.”

“So why do it? Why lie to them? Why give them false hope?”

This was a question that weighed heavily upon Kadabra's heart. He had no real answer, so he didn't give one. When the world was ending, what did anything matter, really?

After that brief but productive interlude, Chris was once again on his way to Rarity's. He took the time to flex his wings, doing a series of swoops and loops. The minor acrobatics and rush of wind against his feathered hide were great distractions, but he couldn't keep them up for long. As soon as locked his wings open for a slow glide to rest them, his mind immediately snapped back to what Twilight had said. She could summon the one who did this to him. He had so many questions...

The anticipation was eating away him like an army of ants on an ice cream sundae.

Down below, Chris heard some melodic humming and spotted an open window on Rarity's boutique. It seemed that a certain little filly was visiting again. If he didn't know better, he'd swear that she lived there. Hmm...

Breaking his glide, Chris flapped his wings to tread air and hover in place. Clearing his throat, he spoke with the best impression of Rarity that he could muster, “Why of course you can do whatever your heart desires. You've been such a good little sister. You deserve it.”

He couldn't help but chuckle to himself. If he had the ability, he might as well use it for evil, right?

...

One short and squee-filled conversation later, Chris flew back out Sweetie Belle's window and entered the boutique properly. 'Properly,' of course, meant dive-bombing the next customer unfortunate enough to open the door for him and knocking that silly little doorbell off its hook. After all, he couldn't properly announce his presence without a startled shriek and clatter-rattle of a bouncing bell, now could he?

Well, that was the idea, anyway.

The door cracked open, dingling in the process. He caught a glimpse of a cream mare with bouncy curls before getting swatted by a large fabric-y thing that felt like a ton of bricks. He let out a sharp squawk before colliding with something soft and silky that collapsed down with him, smothering him in a tangled lump of pain.

Some ponies were talking. He groaned. The bell clattered. He had to get up, but it hurt too much to move. Maybe if he just sat there long enough the pain would become less pain-like. Yeah.

His torture was brief, as a world-tilting yank pulled the cloth off his face. A gulp of fresh air was like ambrosia, and he staggered back on his feet. The world gradually stopped spinning and he took the time to rub his temple.

“Are you all right, dear? You took quite the tumble, there.”

“I—” Chris jerked back and shook his head. Two blurred images of the world merged back together as his eyeballs stopped rolling around in his head. Rarity had, of course, been standing over him the whole time but his little bird brain was only now just registering this fact. Grimacing, he flexed his limbs to check their function. While still sore in a few places, nothing seemed broken. “Uh, yeah, I guess. Just stunned is all. Anyone get the number of the beluga whale that hit me?”

“Somehow, I doubt that Bon Bon would appreciate being called a beluga whale. Chris, I'm glad you're okay, but you should know by now not to startle everypony. Some don't take it very well.” She clicked her tongue in the same manner as that of an admonishing parent.

That irritated Chris; after all, he was a grown man.

Um...

He blinked several times. Obviously, he was a Chatot, and a tiny thing compared to these ponies. He could hardly blame her for thinking of him like a child or pet. It would be best if he just swallowed his pride, smiled and nodded. “Uh, yeah, though I think I could have figured that out on my own.”

For whatever reason, the name Bon Bon sent gears turning in his head. His mind was still a bit foggy, but he recalled dark glasses and— “Wait a minute. She hit me with a purse! Since when does Bon Bon carry a purse? Since when does any pony carry a purse? I've never actually seen one here.”

“That wasn't a purse. That was a carry-out bag. Ponies do buy things here, you know.”

“Oh, right. Of course. Because if they didn't, then everything you do here would be pointless.” Chris chuckled wanly as Rarity narrowed her eyes and pressed her lips together. She was unamused by his terrible attempt at levity.

Before anything else could happen, a high-pitched squeal broke the silence followed by the thundering of little hoofsteps down the stairs and across the room. Sweetie Belle donned a pair of pink saddlebags that were nearly bursting at the seams. Somehow, she waved at Rarity, said 'thank you' several times, and burst out the door all without stopping or even slowing down. If there had been a moment to stop that self-propelled, hyperactive, ballistic little filly, then it had already passed.

“Whatever was that all about?” Rarity had her back to Chris but the confusion in her voice was plainly evident.

He was glad that he was already grinning, because there was no way he could suppress a smile. As it was, he had trouble avoiding bursting out laughing. When Rarity turned her attention to him, he simply shrugged. “Eh. I'm sure you'll find out eventually.”

Hmm-ing, Rarity rubbed her chin and glared down at him, from her aloof position of taller-than-him-ness. It was one of those looming, condescending stares that could even have made a spool of thread feel uneasy. Chris' smile faded away. Then, Rarity seemed to mentally shrug, dropping her own frown. “I suppose, though I do worry about her. She has this knack for inventing new ways to find trouble that I never even dreamed of when I was her age.”

“I sure your parents thought otherwise.” Chris chuckled. The shock of his violent arrival had mostly worn off, and he was already back on his feet.

“Humph. I'll have you know that I was a perfect, proper young lady. It's hardly becoming for a pony of any age to indulge herself in mischief.” She raised her chin haughtily, like some kind of snooty rich person. That pose did not last long, as she rubbed her chin with a sly smile and a twinkle in her eye. “Although... there was this one time that I cut up their expensive, imported velvet curtains, but how could I resist? My little duckies needed dresses and they were the perfect shade of burgundy!”

“Yeah. I can see how you like to dress up—”

“You've pried it out of me!” Striking a dramatic pose, Rarity rose up and partially obscured her face with one arm. “I don't tell this to just anypony, you know.”

“Um...” Chis was just now remembering why he didn't visit Rarity that often.

“So there was this time when we were making these art projects, and the felt squares were nice and all, but so...” She scrunched up her face as if she were picking up a dead bug. “...mundane. I could do so much better. And, well, one thing led to another, and the next thing I know, it turns out that all our sleeping rolls hardly contained enough fabric for one pony, let alone three. That was an... interesting camping trip.”

“I can imagine.”

“Oh, yes. That's why I always go prepared for those things in triplicate. You might never know when a lady might need Fasse-Pair Victrotian after-evening dinner gown lightly adorned with a hint of camouflage for that outdoorsy high fashion style. And those little canteen bottles were so last century. Why bother with those things when you can get your sister to haul a fully-furnished kitchen along? And don't get me started on those tents.” Rarity paused to take a sip of water. This was a sure sign that she was about to get started on those tents. “They all look like a cloth draped over a stick! There's no style, no imagination, no flair! I'd never be seen in one of those things if I could help it, which is why—”

“Yes, I can well imagine how camping with you would make things interesting,” Chris muttered to himself. Rarity was full-on ranting, and he stopped listening and looked around.

The shop was typically adorned with many colorful garments of many different styles, but she'd changed her inventory again. The current garments were dark, sleek, sparkly, and airy. They were adorned with tiny white crystals that looked almost like bottled stars from the night sky. In fact, everything had a cosmic, ethereal appearance. There was even a veiled gown where the veil itself shimmered in the light, much like an aurora.

Of course, he couldn't get a good view from the ground, so he took off without a second thought. That was a bad idea, as a sharp pain in his left wing caught him off-guard. It also made a whiffing noise, and wasn't giving the proper lift. He'd have to beat it more to compensate and couldn't do that while in pain. Rather than flying around to look at the merchandise, he was on a direct crash course with a sparkling, galaxy-embroidered honeymoon gown. “Aaaaah!”

His motion came to an abrupt halt as a staticy blue field enveloped him. It felt much like being pressed between two magnets. Did she have to squeeze him so hard?

“Really, Chris. I know birds like shiny things but that's no excuse to go attacking my dresses.”

“What? No! It's not like that. It's—um... I can't move.”

With a heavy sigh, Rarity floated him over to her sales counter and set him down gently on a soft, velvet cushion. Did she always keep one there or was that just for—oh, right. She was looking at him.

Chris got back on his feet and spread his left wing. It didn't hurt that much when he didn't put any weight on it, but he still winced when he spotted a large green feather sticking out at an odd angle. Snapping it with his beak, he gave it a good yank and pulled it out. His wing smarted like tearing out a fistful or hair, but it had to be done. He let it drop, not really caring what happened to it, and carefully spread out his remaining pinions to cover the gap. “That broken feather was just throwing off my balance. That's all.”

“Oh. So I see. I'm terribly sorry. I misjudged you. It's just that you're awfully prone to mischief and—”

Chris kicked the broken feather off the table. It twirled down to the ground, spinning like some dusty, forgotten child's toy. “Yeah, well, I think I've exceeded my quota of mischief today.” After pausing to watch the feather land, he cocked his head towards the rows of merchandise. “So what's all this, then? The last time I was here everything was all bright and florid.”

A wide smile broke across her face, and the white unicorn had a spring in her step and practically danced as she twirled from dress to dress. Her perfectly manicured purple curls swished behind her like streamers. “This is my cout de la ture, my fin de la piece, my plum de la crop, my creme de la creme! Why, it's none other than my space exploration themed dress line!”

“You're what?” Chris practically did a spit take. Ponies in space? They lived in thatched huts! Still... hadn't they mentioned something like that before? But where? When?

“Oh yes. I got the idea when Twilight took us to the dream realm to hunt for anomalies. That's when we found you, actually. But while I was there, I was inspired by the scenery, and only recently completed enough pieces for a full display. Do you like it?”

Duh. He knew that. “Um, yes. It's... lovely.”

“Lovely? Just lovely? That didn't sound sincere. Did I do something wrong? Is it too dark? Too sparkly? Did I not use enough tinsel?”

“No. It's nothing like that. You're dresses are fine, splendid even. I'll even skip the part where I incessantly berate you for trying to sell clothes in a nudist colony.”

“That doesn't sound like skipping it,” Rarity muttered under her breath.

“What's really bothering me is that I'm apprehensive about learning the truth.” Chris sighed. He sat down on the cushion like a nesting bird. If it was there, he might as well make himself comfortable.

“What do you mean? Isn't the truth worth striving for? Honesty is one pillars of friendship, after all.”

“How can I explain this?” Chris remained silent, rubbing his chin with his less sore right wing. He blinked twice, then looked up at the looming pony. He could almost see his own reflection in those large, saucer-like blue eyes. “Just right now—you mentioned tinsel. Do I look like some kind of bird to you?”

Rarity's wide-eyed stare got even wider briefly. “Oh. Um. E-heh, heh. I don't mean to be rude, and I know you say you're human, but...”

“It's fine. You can say it.”

“Well, yes. You've always been bird to me. I can't really think of you as anything else.”

“Me too.” Chris sighed deeply. “I can't remember my past at all. All I know is, well—” he spread his wings “—this.”

“That's completely not true. You remember all that Pokemon stuff. That has to count for something, right?”

“Yeah. It counts for this.” He snapped his beak in the air. “Maybe I should go ahead and attack those dresses. Then I could gain experience, and level up, and learn more combat moves, and become this really awesome, super-powerful, dress-destroying fighting machine that's still pretty much worthless compared to just about every other single Pokemon that ever existed!”

Rarity glanced at her delicate wares and circumspectly stepped between him and her merchandise. “Let's not be hasty here. There's no need for that.” The doorbell chimed as somepony entered the shop. “I'll be with you in a minute!” Rarity called out.

“That's fine. I'm just browsing,” a light, airy voice responded.

“Is that Sassaflash?” Chris asked.

“Hmm?” Rarity glanced over her shoulder. The pony in question was walking out of sight, but she had a grey flank with a blonde tail. “No. It's Muffins. Why do you ask?”

“Oh. Because Sassaflash is going to be really upset when she finds out Caramel was cheating on her with Rose.”

“Really? That's surprising. Just last week Sassaflash browsing through the wedding dresses. She didn't buy anything, of course, but she must have been thinking that he'd ask her soon or she wouldn't have been over there.”

“Oh. Ouch.” Chris winced. “I know love can be blind and all, but if he really was juggling two girls like that, there's no way he'd ever stop and marry one.”

“Yes. It's a pity, that. I do have to ask, though. How do you know all of this? You don't strike me as the gossiping type.”

“It's not my fault you're all bright and colorful and easy to pick out of a crowd. I just so happened to see him with Sassaflash in that diner by the large oak trees a week ago, and today I saw him with Rose in the exact spot, pulling the same moves even.” That was a bit of an embellishment, but his hunch had turned out to be correct so why not embellish it a little?

Rarity nodded and pressed her lips together. “You know, for someone who can't remember his past, you have a sharp memory.”

“I do? Huh. I guess I do.”

“Maybe you can remember more about your past if try hard enough. You said this Pokemon stuff was games. Do you remember what you were doing last?”

“What I was doing? No, um, wait! I guess I do. Sometimes I got this urge to replay old versions, and I'd restarted Ruby, which is this one where Team Magma wants to awaken Groudon and evaporate the oceans or something because they're all idiots. But anyway, I'd just gotten started, and picked Torchic as my starter. That's the fire-type and it's this little red bird thing that evolves into a fighting chicken called Blaziken. And I'd named it CanMyPet because... because...” Chris flared his wings and roared, “AAH! I CAN'T REMEMBER!”

Rarity winced and covered her ears. “Indoor voice, please. I have customers.”

“Sorry.”

“Is this a bad time?” Muffins asked. She poked her head over a rack of gaudy stockings and other accessories that had probably been tucked away in a secluded corner for good reason.

“There's always time for fashion, dear. But, um, if you wouldn't mind coming back tomorrow...” Rarity let her voice trail off as she inclined her head towards the door.

“Well...” Holding up a white and blue checkerboard clip-on tie and a sort-of-matching radially symmetric white and blue straw hat, the grey pegasus made no move to leave.

“...I'll let you have anything you want, half-off!” Grinning wide, Rarity clenched her teeth.

“Okay, then. See you tomorrow!” Mercifully, Muffins returned the horrid things and walked out. After she'd gone, Rarity flipped the shop's sign to 'CLOSED' and shuttered the blinds.

“Sorry for scaring your customer away,” Chris said.

“No no. It's fine. I was planning on closing up anyway. I don't want to be late when Twilight does your thing, after all.”

“My... thing.” Chris stiffened. “Yeah. Me either.”

Rarity furrowed her brow and clenched her teeth. “Just thinking about this whole thing makes me, urm, want to do unlady-like things.”

“What? You're angry? You? Why?”

“That thing with you're memories. It's just not right.” She sighed and selected a sparkly, diamond-studded black saddle adorned with white lace to wear.

Chris had to admit that while he did not understand pony fashion, it could be convenient at times. She hardly even blinked when he flew over and landed on it. That's what it was for, right? Her glare was only as sharp as asparagus, so he must have been correct.

“As I was saying, transformation magic usually only goes two ways. Either it's done properly, and their mind doesn't change, or it takes over and their identity is wholly consumed by what they've become. To get something in between requires finesse, expertise, and malice.” She scrunched her face and snorted before turning away to walk out the door. “Whoever did this to you knew exactly what they wanted, and your mental well-being didn't make the cut.”

“Y-yeah...” he mumbled to himself. Either that, or he had a terrible past and they were doing him a favor, but he didn't want to say that out loud. Early yesterday, he'd been more into the whole Pokemon thing, and had been practicing that move called mimic or something which let him copy what someone else was doing. Usually, they don't do much, but that levitation stuff is kinda cool. Poor Lemon Drops thought she was being haunted by ghosts and boarded herself up in her apartment and he'd loved every minute of it. Sometimes, he was a horrible person.

Sunlight never shone in this hole. Chains of pure titanium clanked in the inky darkness. If a shadow-blighted Jirachi were to scream beneath the earth, and nobody was around to hear him, then would he actually make a sound?

It had to be this way. He had to lock himself up. He could no longer trust himself. If the forces of darkness used him to gain access to the Wish Stone... he shuddered to think of the consequences. Poketopia might not be the only world to fall. Of course, had he known that his champion was not going to bother to show up, he probably would have taken the risk anyway. If only he'd known that before he threw away the key.

It wasn't supposed to end like this. There was a method. There was a plan. There was hope.

Now? Feverish darkness.

He tugged on the chains again, crashing futilely against an insurmountable force, like an ocean trying to wash over a mountain, or a glacier trying to sink to the bottom of the sea. He no longer knew if it was him or the madness lashing out, but it was useless either way.

The champion was supposed to recover the corrupted meteor from Tadpole Pond. That was the first step, and through diligent research, he'd eventually reach the Sky Tower. Rayquaza lived off of meteors like that, and had long since grown immune to the harmful effects of megasite. With a scale of the sky lord, an antidote could be made, and the rampaging, wild legendaries could be soothed. Balance could return to the land. And with their combined power, the Hall of Origin could be secured, Deoxys defeated, the corruption purged, and Ninetails could release the seal on evolution. The world would be saved, but the lingering taint would take a long time to heal.

And in time, a brave and adventurous rescue team would even find and cure Jirachi himself in his self-exiled lair. With the Wish Stone secured, the champion's journey could finally come to its end, as the Wish Stone held the power to send him between worlds. He could finally go home.

That had been fated.

That never happened.

Fate it seemed, had other plans. With the Hall of Origin had been breached and Arcerus corrupted, it was already too late. Their world was doomed. But fate was as fickle a mistress as she was cruel, and she had yet one more curveball to toss.

The Wish Stone rattled within its own iron cage. White light burst from its drab surface, bathing the room in blinding rays. Jirachi screamed as eternal darkness burned away to eternal light. A massive force tugged against him, and his scream died when he crashed against his bonds, knocking the wind out of him. So in a way, he both made noise and did not.

The light would not be denied. It tore into his metal hide, dissolving him into itself. Lacking substance, the Wish Stone slurped him up. It rattled, then laid still within its iron cage.

Roughly about the same time, a small group of ponies was gathered around a crystalline table. They were there for one purpose, and one purpose only: justice.

“Into the void, hear my plea!

Into the void, listen to me!

A champion of light, we must make right!

A champion of light, hear our plight!

A champion of light shall take flight!

Into the void, I wish for thee!

Into the void, come to be!”

Twilight Sparkle had joined forces with Starlight Glimmer, and the ponies spent enormous amounts of magical energy to create a tiny soap bubble, which popped.

“What kind of nonsense was that?” Chris asked. The magic had briefly touched him before floating off and dissipating. He checked himself to make sure that he still had all of his feathers.

“Well, we didn't actually know what the original incantation was, so we just made some stuff up,” Twilight said.

“I helped!” Starlight unfurled a scroll full of equine gobbledygook and pressed it against his face.

Twilight bit her lip and glanced around the room. Several of the others joined her. There was a certain thickness to the air, a tension rife with pony perspiration and magic. It wouldn't be long now. “Correction: Starlight made up that nonsense. In truth, it didn't matter what we said so long as the intention was to summon you.”

“Summon me? But I'm already here. Is that why nothing happened?”

“No. It was supposed to do that. With the polarity reversed, all of the fireworks will be on the other end,” Twilight said.

“Yes, and thanks to the temporally reflective resonance cascade, your original summoner will be summoned instead, in the exact manner in which you were originally summoned,” Starlight added.

“So the summoner was summoned by the sumun-um-knee.” Pinkie Pie stuck out her tongue and twisted it. “Whoa, that's a tongue twister.”

Applejack stiffened. “Wait. Exactly exactly?”

“Well—” Twilight rubbed the back of her head “—as close as we could manage. Why? Is that going to be a—”

A white streak shot across the sky, visible through the windows. The ground shook, crookening pictures hung on the walls. When the Palace of Friendship swayed, it creaked like a wind chime. Outside, a mushroom cloud arose from the general direction of Sweet Apple Acres.

“Not again!” Applejack wailed. “My barn!”

Twilight chuckled weakly. “Whoops.”

Some frantic galloping later, a small herd of ponies arrived at the edge of a smouldering crater. As expected, splinters of barn were everywhere.

“Dang blast it all to this side of a rotten flock of fruit bats!”

“Applejack! Such language!” Fluttershy covered her own mouth.

“Shucks. Sorry, Fluttershy.” Applejack took a deep sigh. “It's just that they cancelled my insurance again. Too many claims, they said. My barn doesn't get blown up that much.”

Hovering closer, Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow. “Applejack, didn't your barn get blown up like five times yesterday?”

“Girls, can we focus, please?” Twilight flew over and put her hoof down. “We need to capture this alien first. We can discuss your barn later.”

While the ponies had paused of the crater's rim, Chris had flown on ahead. “AAAH!” He swooped back, shuddering in the air.

“What is it, darling?” Rarity asked.

“Uh, well, you might not want to see this.” He frantically waved his wings, trying to gesticulate and fly at the same time didn't work well for him, and he nearly fell over. “The thing is... well... um...”

Rainbow Dash didn't wait for him to collect his thoughts. She flew right past him and hovered over the crash site. “Wow. It looks like the alien was some sort of metal thing that exploded into a massive amount of fruity rainbow juice.”

“We killed it?” Fluttershy covered her mouth. “Oh dear.”

Starlight shrugged. “Whoops. Back to the drawing board, I guess. Maybe next time we can add a ball pit, like I suggested.”

“Starlight, there isn't going to be a next time. This was our only chance.” Twilight sighed. “And ball pits are not the answer to everything.”

“They are too!”

“Corpse party!” Pinkie Pie broke out the party cannons, spraying streamers and confetti all over the place.

“H-how can you all be so relaxed about this?” Chris flew around in circles. “This is a disaster! An atrocity! A night at the DMV! You totally just murderized the one person, er, thing, that could have given me any answers! Now I'll never get to know about my past! And-and... He's probably upset about being blown up and having his fruity rainbow juice splattered all across the county side too! I mean, I know we didn't really like 'im and all, but isn't this all a bit much?”

“Hmm, yes. I do say that his spattered remains do so clash with the decorum. So tacky,” Rarity said.

“AUGH!”

Applejack shook her head. “Chris, they're just messin' with ya. Down there's the remains of my still after Apple Bloom got it into her little head to try makin' zap apple cider. Those rainbow apples make the most hootenanny delicious jam y'all ever caught a whiff of, but the magic fruit's right testy and if'n y'all don't treat it with respect it can get a mite testy.”

“Yeah. Testy is right.” Rainbow Dash chuckled. “The resulting explosion was so big it could be seen from Cloudsdale and it shattered all the glass in the entirety of Ponyville.”

“I remember that. It blew out all of the windows in my shop and I lost an entire shipment of one-hundred percent pure, definitely-not-cubic-zirconia diamonds,” Rarity said, furrowing her brow.

“Wait. Are you saying telling me that your slack-jawed, drooling, bow rack of a little sister actually made high explosives out of fruity rainbow juice and happy thoughts?” Chris asked.

“Um, maybe?”

“Wow. She's a lot cooler than I thought she was. And all this time I'd been thinking that she was the lamest thing on four legs.”

“Um, girls. As amusing as this was, we should probably keep looking. Whoever it was did just fall from the sky and could be hurt like Chris was when he arrived,” Fluttershy said.

Twilight nodded. “You're right. We should get going.”

“Go where?” Chris asked. “If he wasn't in the crater where Applejack's barn used to be, then where else could he be?”

Rainbow Dash gave the colorful bird a playful tap with the tip of her wing. “One of the other smouldering craters where Applejack's barn used to be. Where else would we look?”

Several smouldering craters later, they finally located what they were looking for. The creature in question was lying face down in the dirt. It had a blue metallic sheen to its hide, two golden tails, and a silver, star-shaped head. There was also something off about it, as the shadows in the crater pooled about it, and there were dark, metallic veins bulging from its hide.

“Is that another Pokemon?” Chris hesitated in the air alongside the ponies who'd gathered by the crater's rim. “It's... those tails kinda remind me of the legendary psychic trio of knowledge, emotion, and willpower, but it's obviously steel type. Can you turn it over? I'd like to see the face.”

His request was met with a resounding amount of ponies standing in place.

“Is he okay? He looks kind of sick,” Fluttershy said. She glanced at her friends and took a step forward.

Twilight blocked her with a wing. “Wait. There's something seriously wrong here. Don't get close to it. There could be dark magic at work.”

“Should we send it back?” Starlight asked. She rubbed her chin and rolled her eyes up to look at the sky. “Can we send it back?”

“Well, technically yes, but we'd have to bring it to the cutie map. We summoned it here for a reason, though, and it hasn't done anything—” coughing noises interrupted Twilight. Ignoring her own advice, she flew down, hovering over the pool of darkness. “Hello?”

With a sharp crack, the creature jerked its head around a full hundred and eighty degrees. Its eyes glowed radiation green and smoked purple haze. “Now this is a surprise,” it said. The voice was sharp and grating, much like the sound of a thousand monkeys trying to write Shakespeare on sandpaper with ballpoint pens. Its eyes narrowed and turned up to the clear, blue sky. “The glorious reckoning hasn't reached this region yet. Let's change that, shall we?”

Pushing with its golden tails, the creature popped out of the ground. The body immediately snapped around to match the direction of the head. Doubling over, it started coughing again, and black fluid oozed from its mouth. In a weak voice that distilled the very essence of fatigue, it said, “Run.”

“Is that Jirachi?” Chis asked. He flew up next to Twilight and hovered in the air. “He looks possessed.”

Jirachi's composure returned. He grit his teeth and fixated his diseased eyes on the other Pokemon. “Well, if it isn't a worthless Chatot—”

“Hey!”

Scooping one of his tails into the dark pool, he retrieved a blob of negative light and hurled it at the colorful bird. “—die.”

The blob passed right through Chris without any apparent effect. “W-what was that?” he asked. Still hovering in the air, he checked himself over to make sure that he was, in fact, completely fine. “Did you just attack me with a ball of shadows? What was that even supposed to do?” Crunch went the dirt right behind him. The shadow ball bored into the earth, partially collapsing the rim of the crater. Ponies watching from above scampered back. “Oh. That.”

Twilight gulped and vanished if a flash of magenta, leaving Chris alone with the hostile Pokemon.

“Y-you attacked me! Oh my god! You attacked me!”

Jirachi grabbed his side and started coughing again. He glared up at the bird with the force of a mean, punk butterfly.

“This is actually happening! We're having an actual Pokemon battle!” He swooped closer and pointed a wing at the little, metal man. “Ha! You're psychic type, aren't you? Well let's see how you like it when I copy your ghost attack!” He zipped up and sliced the air, which shimmered in his wake. A brief image appeared, showing a ghostly refection of Twilight casting her spell. In a pop, Chris vanished.

He reappeared in the air directly above Twilight, who was back with her friends overlooking the smouldering crater. “Since when can you teleport?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Uh, I was trying to copy the shadow ball, but I messed up somehow. Maybe I don't really know as much about this Pokemon stuff as I thought.”

The dark, corrupted wishmaker flashed a sickly shade of green, then waved an arm. A spray of black, purple-smoking stars rose from the inky depths of the crater and flew in their direction. They cracked and splattered against a translucent magenta barrier thrown up by Twilight. “Stop that! We don't want to fight, we just want to—”

A brilliant beam of bright blue energy tore forth through the atmosphere like a pot of boiling water on a mountain of cheese. The air itself screamed so loud that Jirachi's cry was a dust mote on a dust mote on a dust mote by comparison. The ground shook with the fury of a thousand anvils falling from the sky upon super trampolines. The blast seared away the darkness with the power of a solar flare. When the dust settled, there was nothing left of the smouldering crater but... a smouldering crater. Starlight Glimmer blew a tiny wisp of smoke off the tip of her horn. Everypony stared at her. “What?”