Fluttershonk

by MythrilMoth

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Fluttershy, Random, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1721

Fluttershy runs afoul of an exceptionally rude goose.

Fluttershy has been asked to give a lecture, and for once she's actually looking forward to being in front of an audience.

There's just one problem.

This incredibly annoying goose won't let her talk.

Published 2016-09-29 17:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-09-29 17:40:01 UTC

Have a Gander

Princess Twilight Sparkle blinked in astonishment at her quiet pegasus friend. "You're giving a lecture? You?!"

"Yes," Fluttershy said meekly, toying with her hooves. "The Alpacapulco Society for the Study of Rare and Unusual Birds heard about my recent studies of phoenixes, rocs, and turduckens and invited me to their annual seminar as a guest speaker!" She rose a few feet into the air, fluttering her wings. "I'm so excited!"

"You're...excited to be giving a speech in front of dozens of ponies?"

Fluttershy laughed softly. "Now, Twilight," she said mildly. "Thanks to you and the other girls, I've come a long way! I don't freeze up in front of a crowd the way I used to. Besides, I'll be talking about something I love! That always helps me forget about all the eyeballs staring at me, silently judging me..." She blinked. "Oh my."

Twilight smiled and laid a reassuring hoof on Fluttershy's shoulder. "You'll be just fine," she said. "Nopony knows more about rare birds than you!"

"Oh, I don't know about that," Fluttershy said. "Well, I'd best get home and pack. The airship ride to Alpacapulco is really long."

"Have a good time!" Twilight said, waving cheerfully.

* * * * *

After a very long flight in a cramped cabin on the airship, Fluttershy was eager to stretch her wings and legs. Since she had several hours until the seminar and felt restless, she decided to go exploring.

Alpacapulco was a beautiful seaside community; as she flew over the city, she observed various waterfowl flying over the sparkling bay. She flew among them, taking note of their coloration and species. "So many wonderful birds I never get to see," she mused dreamily to herself.

From the air, Fluttershy could see quite a bit of Alpacapulco, including a lush park with a small lake in the center which looked like an excellent place to have lunch. Fluttershy's stomach growled its agreement, and she touched down on one of the many trotting paths around the park perimeter. It didn't take her long to find a stand offering hot, cheap local food, and the enticing aromas of local spices drew her in. She looked over the offerings, bought a few items off the menu, then found a bench near the crystal-clear lake to sit and eat. She had finished most of her lunch and was beginning to feel full when a goose with off-white feathers and darker grey markings on her wings and tail approached her. "HONK," she said insistently.

"Oh, hello there!" Fluttershy said with a smile. "Are you hungry?"

"HONK."

Fluttershy giggled and tore off a piece of warm corn tortilla, tossing it to the goose. "Here you go!"

The goose snapped it up and swallowed it down, then rustled her wings. "HONK!"

"You're very welcome," Fluttershy said.

A distant bell tolled the hour, and Fluttershy gasped. "Oh my goodness! I need to head for the seminar!" She finished up her lunch and disposed of her garbage in a nearby receptacle, then took wing. She failed to notice the goose following her.

It took just over an hour to find the amphitheater, located on the esplanade, where the Alpacapulco Society for the Study of Rare and Unusual Birds had gathered. As she landed, she saw dozens of ponies filling the space, milling about, sitting patiently, talking to one another, and studying books and magazines on birds. She fished her pass out of her saddlebag and slung it around her neck, then approached a pony in a staff vest near the backstage entrance. "Hello," she said meekly. "I'm Fluttershy...am I late?"

The pony checked a clipboard he was holding. "You're just in time," he said. "You're scheduled to speak in half an hour."

"Oh, good," Fluttershy said. "That gives me time to—"

"HONK!"

Fluttershy froze, eyes wide, and turned.

The goose from the park stood right behind her.

"Oh...my," she said. "You followed me all the way here?"

"HONK!"

"Well, I'm flattered," Fluttershy said, "but I have something very important to do right now, and I'm sure your friends in the park are missing you, so if you'd just..."

"HONK!"

"But if you could—"

"HONK!"

"I understand, but—"

"HONK!"

"Err, miss?" the stagepony said. "I'm afraid all pets must be caged and checked."

"Oh, this isn't my pet," Fluttershy said. "This goose just followed me here from the park. I think she thinks I have more food."

"HONK!"

The stagepony rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I know it's hard to resist feeding the birds, but around here, it's usually asking for trouble."

Applause rose from the crowd, and another stagepony rushed outside, whispering hurriedly to the one Fluttershy had been conversing with. After a round of heated whispers, they both turned to Fluttershy. "You're up," the stagepony said.

"Oh! Oh my...alright." Swallowing, Fluttershy followed the second stagepony out onto the stage. She stepped up to the podium, looking out at the sea of pony, donkey, griffon, and minotaur faces watching her. She gulped, feeling her heart race. She closed her eyes and took a deep, cleansing breath, then opened her eyes and smiled at the crowd.

"Good afternoon, everypony! My name is Fluttersh—"

"HONK!"

Fluttershy broke off and stared at the goose, which had followed her onto the stage. "Umm, excuse me," she said. "I'm trying to talk to these nice ponies, so if you wouldn't mind?" After a moment of silence, she turned back to the assembled audience, an embarrassed smile on her face. "As I was saying, my name is Fluttersh—"

"HONK!"

Chuckles rose from the audience. Fluttershy's face burned red and she sank below the podium. Turning, she gave the goose a stern glare. "Now stop that!" she chided. "It's very rude to interrupt somepony! I know you want attention, and I'll be happy to find some more food to share with you after I'm done with this very important lecture, but right now I'm going to have to ask you to be patient and quiet until I'm finished!"

The goose bowed her head and backed away contritely.

Fluttershy watched her for a moment, then clambered back up to the podium, surveying the audience, who wore amused smiles and smirks. She coughed. "I'm very sorry about that, everypony. Let me start again. My name is Fluttersh—"

"HONK!"

Fluttershy closed her eyes and took another deep breath. "Right, nevermind who I am. I'm here to talk rare and unusual birds—"

"HONK!"

"Because that's what we're here for, right? I mean, to talk about—"

"HONK!"

"PLEASE let me finish a sentence," Fluttershy said aside to the goose, who ruffled her wings and gave Fluttershy a defiant stare. "Okay! Let's start with the Lesser Turducken. Most ponies don't know this, but there are two—"

"HONK!"

"—two separate, distinct species of Tur—"

"HONK!"

"—ducken," Fluttershy bit off testily. "The Lesser Turducken lives around the Ever—"

"HONK!"

"—honk Forest—" Fluttershy blinked. "The Everfree Forest, that's what I meant to—"

"HONK!"

"—honk, and is very territorial. In terms of size, the Lesser Turducken is slightly larger than—"

"HONK!"

"OH FOR CELESTIA'S SAKE!" Fluttershy screamed. Wheeling on the goose, she leaned close and stared angrily at it. "WILL. YOU. PLEASE. STOP?"

The goose glared right back at her. "Honk."

Fluttershy facehoofed. "Will somepony please get this goose off the stage?" Two stageponies rushed up and tried to wrangle the goose, which thrashed and honked madly. Once they'd hauled it away, Fluttershy cleared her throat and faced the audience again. "Sorry about that, everypony. Now, where was I? Oh, yes. The Lesser Turducken is slightly larger than—"

"HONK!"

"—this incredibly rude and annoying goose, or roughly the same size as—"

"HONK!"

"—an average filly. Turduckens are classified as a class—"

"HONK!"

"—chimera, with a danger rating of—"

"HONK!"

"—and a conservation rating of—"

"HONK!"

"—which is much higher than the conservation status of this goose if she doesn't. Shut. Up," Fluttershy snarled. "Security, PLEASE get this—" She trailed off as she noticed that the two stageponies were sprawled on the ground just off the stage, covered in angry red peck marks.

A hoof went up in the audience. "Excuse me, miss," a mare called out. "You are Fluttershy, famed animal expert and personal friend of Princess Twilight Sparkle, are you not?"

Fluttershy turned to face her. "Yes, I am Flutter—"

"HONK!"

"—shonk," Fluttershy said. "Now, if I could just get back to—yes?" she asked as another hoof shot up.

"I'm confused," a stallion said. "Are you Fluttershy or Fluttershonk?"

Fluttershy blinked. "I'm not sure anymore," she said listlessly. "But if you could all please just let me—"

"HONK!"

"—no, I'm pretty sure I don't want to honk right now. I want to honk about Turduckens. TALK! Talk about Turduckens. Let's talk Tur—"

"HONK!"

"—den."

"Miss Fluttershonk, what's a Turhonkden?"

Fluttershy glared at the teenage mare who had asked that question. "Now you're doing it on purpose," she said.

"Yes. Yes I am," the mare replied with a broad smile.

Fluttershy smashed her forehead against the podium. "Oh—"

"HONK!"

"—me. Just—"

"HONK!"

"—right up and—"

"HONK!"

"—me until I—"

"HONK!"

"—and all my feathers—"

"HONK!"

"—because if I have to—"

"HONK!"

"—one more minute of this I swear I'm gonna—"

"HONK!"

"—and set a new world record for—"

"HONK!"

"—until it honking HONKS." Fluttershy's barrel heaved as she panted for breath, her eyes narrowed to angry pinpricks and her wings splayed out in an aggressive display.

A mare with a too-wide grin hurried onto the stage and flank-checked Fluttershy away from the podium. "OKAY!" she said with excessive, forced cheerfulness. "It seems we're having some technical difficulties, so we'll just postpone this lecture until tomorrow, how about that? Let's have a round of applause for Miss Fluttershy from Ponyville!"

Nervous, hesitant applause rose from the wide-eyed, shocked audience.

* * * * *

"Welcome back, Fluttershy!" Rarity greeted as a weary-looking Fluttershy staggered into the spa and plopped unceremoniously into the hot tub across from her. "How was your excursion to Alpacapulco?"

"Exhausting," Fluttershy said tiredly. "Let's just say that whole trip could've gone better."

"Oh dear," Rarity said, pressing a hoof to her mouth.

Fluttershy's expression brightened. "I brought you back a special present!" she said. "I'll give it to you later at the boutique. Have you ever had pâté de foie gras?"