Rated Arg for Pirates

by Aprion

Rating: teen
Tags: Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Granny Smith, Apple Bloom, Big Macintosh, Scootaloo, Random, Adventure
Length: 4126

What if the Apple family weren't farmers, but Sky Pirates.

The Apple family are no longer farmers. They are the most feared Sky Pirates in a world where sky ships are common, and earth ponies are looked down upon by unicorns and pegasi alike.

( I wrote this nonsense as a way to combat writers block. So don't expect anything fancy. Still I hope it at least entertains a little :pinkiehappy: )

( We need a steampunk tag for stories )

Published 2016-09-30 17:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-09-30 17:40:01 UTC

Yarr!

Polished Medal, Captain of the Royal Canterlot Navy luxury sky ship Wings of Celestia was sweating bullets. He just had word from the lookout post that they had spotted another skyship on the horizon. When the captain asked what colors it sailed under the lookout reported it was the apple and crossbones, the flag of the Grand Macintosh; the pirate ship that belonged to the dreaded Apple family.

“Captain, what are your orders?” His helmsman asked nervously.

Swallowing hard the captain turned to his crew, “Bring us about, set course toward the nearest port at maximum speed. And send out a distress call.”

His crew busied themselves carrying out his orders, but Polished Medal knew that it was already too late. The Wings of Celestia was a ponderous beast of nearly six-hundred-fifty feet long, designed for luxury and comfort, not speed. Even on their best day they could not hope to outrun the smaller pirate vessel. With a trembling hoof he reached for the intercom. He took a deep breath to steady himself and prepared to address the passengers.

**************

Captain Smith, or just plain Granny Smith as the crew called her, stood on the bridge of her ship, resplendent in her bright red doublet and black tricorn hat adorned with the apple and crossbone symbol of her family. Her wrinkly lips curled into a toothy smile of glee.

“Are ya sure ‘bout this sonny?” she spoke into the speaking tube that led to the lookout post as she lowered her spyglass. “These eyes of mine ain't what they used to be after all.”

“Aye granny, there’s a luxury sky liner dead ahead. Looks like she’s tryin’ to run away.” came the voice of Red Delicious.

“Hee hee heeeee.” she crowed “They always try to run don’t they? And they always fail. Pheh, younguns,” she spat “Ain't got the stomach for a stand up fight these days. Helmsman, set a course to innercept them varmints. We got us some pillagin’ to do.”

“EEYUP!” Said Big Macintosh from behind the wheel.

Granny sauntered over to her seat and pressed the intercom button. “Attenshun!” she hollered into the microphone, and her voice rang out across the ship. “Look lively you scallywags, we got us a ship to rustle. Gunnery and boardin’ crews to your stations. I want that liner lassoed and boarded lickety split.”

She cut the intercom and turned to another speaking tube instead “Bridge to engine room, gimme all the speed ya got Apple Bloom.”

“You got it granny!” Apple Bloom’s voice came back up the tube.

The engine room was hot and humid, smal wafts of steam leaked from seals in the pipes. Energy capacitors sparked and fizzled; and the whir of the rotors vibrated through the hull with a dull thrum.

“Y’all heard the captain!” Little Apple Bloom hollered over the sound of the engines. “She wants more speed, so move your caboose.”

“Aye aye ma’am.” Her engineering crew hollered back.

Apple Bloom might be just a little filly still, but she had a knack for mechanics and engineering, unrivaled by anypony. As evident by her cutiemark, a pair of apple embossed gears. Without her skill, half the equipment on the ship wouldn’t even be functional.

“C’mon baby we need you to try a lil harder.” She cooed to the main boiler, before banging on it several times with a pipe wrench. That might seem counterproductive, but It worked as the engines picked up a little extra speed.

“Port and starboard propellers at maximum chief. All lift engines are in the green, rotors are spinning at maximum velocity.” Said Apple Fritter.

“Gud, charge up the storm chamber, we’ll need the main guns soon.”

**********

“They are still gaining on us captain. What do we do?” the helmsman addressed Polished Medal.

“Say a prayer to Celestia and hope that they are in a good mood once they come aboard.” The captain said to his crewmen.

“Why don’t we just fight em? Their ship is easily half the size of ours.” Said one of the junior officers.

“Are you daft son? This ship has only minimal armaments. We’re a luxury liner, not a battleship. They have a custom Galleon! They might be smaller than us, but they outgun us completely.”

“Then what about after they board us? Surely we can take em.”

“These ain’t your run of the mill pegasi pirates son. That ship out there is the Grand Macintosh. That, is the Apple family. They are Earth ponies, they would break every bone in your body and tear off your wings.”

“Wait, mud ponies can’t be sky pirates.” It was a simple fact of life. Mud ponies stuck to the ground and worked the soil, as they should. The sky and its skyships was the sole domain of the pegasi.

“They are the only ones, and they are frighteningly good at it. And you best not use that term within earshot of them, or they might just snap your wings and toss you overboard.”

The junior officers face paled. No pegasus would pick a fight with an earth pony in a confined space such as aboard a ship. Out in the open it would be a more equal fight. But in a boarding action it’s all close quarters, and in that situation they would rip a pegasi limb from limb.

********

As the Grand Macintosh bore down on the Wings of Celestia, two forward facing cannons emerged from hatches on the prow of the ship. These weren’t your ordinary black powder cannons, oh no. These were lined with glowing coils and other gubbins. Little arcs of electricity danced along the barrels as the cannons charged up.

“Steady now.” Granny smith told Big Mac, “We got em dead to rights.”

“We have a firing solution granny.” Braeburn's voice came through the speaking tube to the gunnery deck.

“Well then, let’s give em a show eh.” she said with a vicious grin, “FIRE!”

The barrels of the cannons glowed bright white for a moment before twin beams of lightning burst forth, crossing the distance between the two ships in a heartbeat. The beams struck the luxury liner along its starboard side. Arcs of electricity danced across the hull, and the immediate impact site was marred by two large scorch marks. Fully half of its lift rotors cut out as the lightning overloaded their safety breakers.

“Nice shootin’ sonny.” granny said before she pressed the intercom button once again.

“Alright everypony, prepare to board! Take everything that ya can. If it's shiny, nab it. If it's bolted down, pry it loose. If they gives ya any trouble, take em down like a bull at a rodeo, but don’t go startin’ nothin’ for no good reason. We may be pirates, but we’s still ponies, not Yaks. I’m lookin at you cousin’ Apple Slice, your momma gave you a brain, ah suggest you use the doggone thang.”

That last bit got a good laugh out of most of the ponies.

“Now y’all get out there and pluck em for everythin’ they’re worth.”

“AYE AYE!” everypony on the ship roared.

****************

“We’ve lost lift engines two, three and five captain. They are completely offline.” the helmsman reported.

“Engineering reports a massive blowout and fire in the breaker room.” a junior officer shouted.

“Cut main engine power and drop excess ballast, divert power to lift engines one, seven and eight; keep us level.” Polished ordered.

“What in Celestia’s name was that?” somepony yelled.

“That was a lightning blast.” Polished said, trying to keep his voice steady.

“But you said they were mud ponies, how can they have access to lightning.” his junior officer said in disbelief.

“I neither know nor care right now son, now get back to your post!”

“Enemy ship is coming in along side us. They appear to be preparing boarding hooks.” said somepony near the windows.

“All hands this is the captain, do not resist, I repeat, do NOT resist the attackers. Let them take what they want. Bits and valuables can be replaced. But I will not have anypony lose their life in a foolhardy show of heroics!” Polished spoke into the com system.

A dull thump ran through the ship as the two hulls connected.

“Here they come.” he sighed.

**************

“Are all the lines secured Big Mac?” granny smith asked from her command chair.

“Eeyup.”

“Alright, I can take it from here, go an have some fun with yer sister.”

“Can do.” the big stallion said with a gleeful smirk.

*************

Back aboard the Wings of Celestia most of the passengers had been enjoying a fine afternoon buffet in the ship’s main ballroom. Ponies were dressed in their finest. There was even a live band providing some excellent classical music. It was all incredibly posh and pomp. The good mood had evaporated in a blink when the captain made his announcement.

“I say, what a dreadful situation.” said fancy pants, one of the many wealthy passengers.

“An outrage is what it is.” Shouted Filthy Rich. “These ponies are supposed to protect us and our interests, and now they are saying we should not resist and just give these curs our money? Absolutely not!”

“Sir, please do not antagonize the pirates when they arrive. It won’t end well for any of us if we do.” Said a valet pony.

“If you lot had done a better job we wouldn’t need to give anypony our valuables.” Filthy Rich shouted at the hapless service pony

“Now now, let’s not take our frustrations out on the young lad shall we.” Fancy Pants said calmly.

The wall on the other side of the room suddenly blew out in an explosion of wooden splinters, and from the smoke emerged a towering red stallion with an eyepatch across his right eye, and a small ( for him anyway ) still smoking cannon slung across his back. A dozen more mares and stallions in outlandish dress emerged from the still smoking hole in the hull. Armed to the teeth with cutlasses and magelock pistols. The pony in the lead was a tall orange coated mare with white freckles and straw blonde hair peeking out from under a bicorn hat. Her fierce green eyes bored into the crowd.

“Thank you kindly for providing an entrance big brother.” She told the big red stallion, who shrugged in a ‘it was nothing’ manner, before she addressed the crowd. “Howdee folks, mah name’s Applejack, and this here’s the Apple family. We will be your afternoon entertainment. Kindly hand over all yer bits an’ shiny doohickeys an’ nopony will get hurt.”

Burlap sacks were brought out and the apple crew spread out among the passengers, collecting bits, jewels and anything else that struck their fancy.

“Alright ladies, put yer shinies in the bag.” Applejack said as she approached a small cluster of cowering ponies.

“I won’t just hoof over my precious jewels to you, you… ruffians.” Said a posh white unicorn mare with a purple mane. She was dressed in a gala dress and wore enough jewelry for three ponies.

“Its real simple sugar cube. We either take your jewels, or we take you. I’m sure the stallions on the crew wouldn’t mind. Come to think of it some of the mares wouldn’t neither. They will all happily pound those chubby white flanks of yours until they’re scarlet. Mah big brother over there hasn’t had a good lay in weeks.”

The white mare paled even further, if that was possible, as she looked at the towering red stallion with the eyepatch and couldn’t hoof over her jewels fast enough.

“Take it, take everything.” She squeaked as she nearly tore open her ears as she ripped her earrings out of them in haste and deposited them in the sack.

“Why thank you kindly.” AJ said with a sadistic smirk before moving on to the next pony. Having heard what she said to the white unicorn, the next mare in line gave up her jewelry without protest.

“Are you okay Rarity?” A yellow pegasus asked as she put a comforting hoof on the back of the still trembling unicorn.

“I’ll be fine fluttershy. Thank you.” She answered quietly.

The pirates swarmed all over the ship, taking anything and everything that wasn’t bolted down. And even a few things that were. With nothing of interest left they all returned to the ballroom and from there proceeded to make their exit back to their ship. Just as the last of them were about to leave things went south.

“You muck dwellers must be real proud of yourselves, taking other ponies hard earned riches. Your parents must be especially proud. Then again I bet they were good for nothing either.” A haughty unicorn by the name of upper crust sneered.

The silence that followed that outburst was deafening. Ponies were wondering what in Celestia's name had possessed the stupid mare to mouth of like that.

“What did you just say?” Applejack growled dangerously.

“I said..” Upper crust began, but was cut off as the barrel of a magelock pistol was shoved into her muzzle.

“You had best shut yer trap before I turn that horn of yours into a hole! My ma an’ pa broke their backs workin’ so that stuck up hornheads like you can live in luxury. Day after day they got up before dawn and worked till long after sunset to provide for us.” She yelled in Upper Crusts face.

An’ then, one day, pa went to the market to sell what little goods we had. And there’s this pegasus thief stealin’ a mare’s purse. My pa, honest stallion that he was runs after the guy, finally traps him in an alleyway and gets the purse back. But the second he turns his back the pegasus takes flight and gets away.”

Everypony was listening intently to her now.

“Next thing the guard arrive and they arrest my pa for stealin’ the mare’s purse. Nopony would believe him when he told them it was a pegasus who’d done it. Because he was just a dirty mud pony. My pa got thrown in jail for tryin’ to do the right thing. He got thrown in prison where he was shanked to death by some unicorn punk who wanted his rations!”

She punched upper crust across the jaw with her free hoof, sending her sprawling to the floor; too stunned to even respond. She just lay there and nursed her injured jaw. Nopony dared to interfere or even say anything.

“It destroyed my ma. She withered away an’ nopony would lift a hoof to help her. Until finally she couldn’t take it anymore. In a fit of despair she threw herself in the river one evening and drowned herself. If it weren’t for mah granny, my brother my sister an’ I would’ve been thrown out into the street and left to rot when you rich ponies claimed what little land we had. Because none of y’all cares about anypony other than ya’selves.”

She spat on upper crust and turned to leave. Before she stepped through the hole she looked over her shoulder one last time.

“My ma an’ pa would be proud of us, no matter our choices in life. Because we build somethin’ for ourselves. We build that ship with our own hooves, and we take care of eachother. Cause we’re a family.”

And then she was gone, leaving behind a room full of stunned and shocked ponies.

************

“Everypony’s back aboard granny. We got lotsa bits an’ jewelry, and we even raided their pantry. Got us a nice supply of some mighty fancy drinks.”

“Well done youngun. Helm, bring us about. As soon we’s clear, cripple their main engines. I want em stranded out here. Gives the patrol ships somethin’ ta keep em busy. If they is rescuin’ them they isn’t chasin’ after us.”

“Eeeyup.” Said Big Mac as he gave the wheel a spin.

“We should scuttle em.” AJ growled darkly.

“Somethin’ happen back there youngun’? I aint seen you this mad since that incident with the oatmeal and the pears.”

“Ah thought we agreed not to bring that up ever again.” AJ grouched, “it’s just that, somepony was smack talkin ‘bout ma an’ pa.”

“Was they now?”

“They called them a buncha good fer nothins”

“Bah, horse apples.” Granny yelled, “Pear Butter was a fine mare and a wonderful daughter in law. I wouldn’t just hand the hoof of my only son to just anypony. Still, just cause one pony said somethin’ stupid an’ nasty ain’t no reason to ruin everypony else’s day.”

Applejack sighed, “Ah guess yer right granny. I just get so mad when I hear ponies talkin’ smack ‘bout our family. Especially ma an’ pa.”

“Ah know how ya feel youngun, ah know how ya feel.” She said as she gave her granddaughter a small hug.

“Now then, are we in position yet?”

“Eeeyup.” said Big Mac.

“Good, line us up and fire a broadside.”

“Aye aye granny.” AJ said, before turning to the speaking tube. “Gunnery decks, fire broadside.”

The gun turrets that riddled the side of the Grand Macintosh swiveled into position.The ship rattled with a series of bangs as conventional cannons flung their payload at the luxury liner. The first couple of shells ripped through their main thrust propeller on their port side. Sending a cloud of shrapnel flying in every direction. With its main propulsion crippled the ship could only fly in circles now. They would have to get a work crew with swoops out here to tow it back to port. The remainder of the shells made a mess of the hull around the engine pod itself, which would hamper repairs even further.

“Mighty fine shootin’, now let's get on outta here ‘fore we run afoul of a patrol ship. Surely they sent out a distress signal ‘fore we got to em.”

“Where to granny?” Asked Big Mac.

“Set a course west by northwest at full speed, take us over the Smokey Mountains.”

“Eeyup.”

Down in the hold, Apple Bloom was practically drooling over the crates of parts they had looted from the engine room on the Wings of Celestia. She was almost bouncing on her hooves as she went from crate to crate to see what sort of goodies they had managed to snatch. She was completely taken by surprise when she pried the lid off of the next crate in line. Instead of spare parts the sole occupant of the crate was a small orange pegasus filly.

“What the hay!” She yelled.

The pegasus tried to bolt, but had nowhere to go. The only exit to the hold was blocked by two older mares with sharp looking cutlasses.

Apple Bloom walked up to the speaking tube on the wall next to the door and hollered “Gran we found us a stowaway.”

“Must have snuck aboard while we was lootin’ stuff” Granny said. “Bring her up here, prickle pear.”

It didn’t take long for them to march the girl up to the bridge. She looked extremely nervous as she stood in front of Granny Smith, who gave her the once over with a critical eye.

“Care to tell us how ya snuck aboard youngun?”

“Actually I was in the crate you took the entire time.”

“Who brought in that crate without checking the contents? I bet it was Caramel again.” AJ said angrily.

“Whats yer name kiddo.” Asked Granny.

“Scootaloo, my name is Scootaloo.”

“Well then, you put us in quite a bind here. What to do with you.”

“Well she can’t stay here. No stinkin cloudwalkers allowed on this ship.” AJ sneered.

“Now don’t be racist Applejack,” Granny scolded, “Remember your cousin Helia is a pegasus.”

“Yeah, and she’s a good fer nothin so an so too.”

“Applejack Apple.” Granny said dangerously. “Do I have to smack your rump to get you to act civil like a grownup pony, or can you handle it yourself?”

“Ah’ll be good.” AJ said hastily.

“Can we get on with this? I have an engine to get back to.” Apple Bloom snorted.

“Ah don’t even know why we’re discussin’ this at all.” AJ said. “Just toss her overboard and let her fly back to the liner. It’s not that far.”

“W-w-wait, WAIT! Don’t throw me overboard, I can’t fly!” Scootaloo shouted in panic.

“Whaddya mean ya can’t fly?”

“My, my magic is weak and my wings are stunted, the doctors said I’ll never be able to fly. When my parents found out they… they abandoned me. To them I was nothing better than a mud pony.”

The sharp sound of splintering wood filled the bridge.

“Big Mac, did you damage the wheel again?” Applejack asked.

“Eeeyuup.” came the sorrowful reply.

“Are you cryin?”

“N-nope.” He sputtered. His cheeks were clearly tear streaked.

“Don’t you lie to yer sister, now suck it up.”

“But her story is just so sad.”

Nopony could argue with that.

“So what were ya doin’ on that liner? I doubt you have the bits to pay for a trip.” Granny smith asked.

“I was working. They sometimes make foals work in the crawlspaces of the engine rooms. Since we’re the only ones small enough to fit in there. It’s dangerous work, and more than a few foals lose their lives over the course of a trip. But it was the only work I could get. Nopony else would take on a filly. It was either the ships or the orphanage. And I know how bad they treat the foals there.”

“She’s got guts this little one.” Granny said.

“Ah like her.” Apple Bloom chirped. “Can we keep her?”

“Now just a minute there child.” Granny began, but Scootaloo interrupted her.

“Are you kidding? I would love to stay. You guys are the most awesome pirates ever. And you can’t fly either so I would fit right in.”

“Now hang on just a minute.” AJ Said, but was interrupted by Apple Bloom.

“This is great, Not only will there be someone my age aboard, but she already knows her way around an engine room, and she won't have to go into any dangerous crawl spaces either. This is perfect.”

“Now wait a…”

“Totally. I can totally help out.”

“Hold it!” Granny Smith finally shouted. Everypony gave her their undivided attention.

“You realize that the life of a pirate is no joke right Scootaloo? It’s got it’s own share o’ dangers. It’s hard work, and If you ever get caught by the guard they would hang you lickety split for piracy.”

Scootaloo squared her shoulders and looked granny Smith right in the eyes.

“I understand ma’am, it’s no picnic. But I would rather be a pirate, with all the risks and hardships that come with it, and be a free pony; rather than earn a hoof full of bits working for some rich pony who thinks me less than dirt and doesn’t care if I get crushed by a pair of gears while trying to repair a piston. If I work for you, at least it will be my own choice.”

Granny smith stood up and patted Scootaloo on the withers. “Well said youngun, well said. It’s settled then. She stays.”

“Woohoo.” Apple Bloom shouted and hoof bumped Scootaloo.

“Alright everypony, back to work. Apple Bloom, I trust you to show our newest member the ropes.”

“You got it granny. C’mon Scoots.” AB said as she pulled the other filly out of the room.

“You sure this is a good idea granny?” Applejack asked once the two fillies were out of earshot.

“Would it make ya feel better if I said I was?”

Applejack said nothing, she just stared out the window at the horizon.

“The only thing ah know for sure is that with us she won’t be abused by anypony. Whatever else the future brings we’ll just have to see.” granny continued.

“I s’pose that’s good enough for now.” Applejack smiled.

Granny smith nodded sagely. “For better or worse she’s part of the family now. Now get back to work youngun.”

“Aye aye granny.” she saluted.

The Grand Macintosh soared across the Sky. Behind them lay the peaks of the Smokey Mountains, Its bright red hull forming a stark contrast to the snowy white tops. Before them lay the grasslands and rolling plains of the Unicorn Range. Gracefully the ship turned west towards the slowly setting sun. And the future.

Author's Note

I wrote this in an attempt to get rid of the writers block that has been plaguing me recently. I hope it was at least a little entertaining. The idea was inspired by the cover image and the song Apples to the Core.