Absurdity

by ClothedinFlames

Rating: teen
Tags: Drama, Random, Princess Celestia, Sex, Anthro, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 4009

Celestia has to deal with a somewhat absurd court case in the aftermath of the Nightmare Moon's rebellion.

In the wake of Nightmare Moon's rebellion, Celestia is doing her best to keep the kingdom from falling apart. However those efforts are tested and strained as she has to deal with the solar court becoming a little too absurd even for her to stand.
co-authored with Charlie_K

Published 2016-10-07 05:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-10-07 05:30:01 UTC

Chapter 1

There was an old saying that there was no rest for the wicked. And with that thought in mind, Celestia couldn't help but wonder if she had been especially wicked in her life, considering just how little rest she'd gotten in the last week.

Losing Luna to Nightmare Moon, and having to banish the both of them together, apparently hadn't been sufficient punishment for her, according to whatever forces were guiding the flow of everyday life. No, apparently said forces had determined that she needed more punishment, and hadn't provided her a moment's rest since that night.

Picking up the broken pieces of the kingdom in the aftermath of Nightmare Moon's uprising had been only one part of everything she was currently involved with. And it was anything but smooth sailing. The uprising had been scarcely a week ago, and they had just barely gotten started on comprehending the scope of the damage that had been incurred in such a short amount of time. The estimated property damage hadn't yet been calculated, nor had they been able to determine just how many lives had been lost. Among those most visibly affected had been the royal guards. Many seasoned members had died before she'd been able to arrive and put an end to the carnage, forcing them to recruit those still in training to bolster their ranks.

On top of that task that had to be done, there were the usual royal duties that had to be overseen. And now without Luna around, that meant an even larger workload that had to be tended to. Among the areas where that workload was making itself known was the solar court. In addition to hearing from petitioners in need of her guidance and wisdom, there were criminal cases needing to be heard, and judgments passed.

Much like the royal guard, and countless citizens, those making up the legal team had also taken significant hits. Those who were currently in law school were being pressed into emergency service for on the job training. This unfortunately led to numerous complications that needed to be sorted out, and... interesting claims about the legal basis of certain charges.

The matter wasn't the least bit helped from the court audience being stocked with members of nobility. There were times she honestly wondered if they were truly interested in the inner workings of government, or if they came to simply be entertained by watching as so many common ponies were brought before her. She suspected the absence of nobility being brought before her on criminal charges was the result of substantial bribes, but she had no proof to back up her suspicions at the time.
That matter aside, however, there were still cases that she needed to tend to, and do so in a timely manner. Petty theft, public intoxication, disorderly conduct, and so on, and so on, and so...

Her thoughts ground to a halt at seeing the next case being brought before her. That next case that was being admitted before the court was enough to make Celestia pause and take notice. It was the type of notice taken when what was seen simply defied basic explanation.

The defendant in this case was a young mare, just out of her filly years from what Celestia could see of her. Her mane hung limply down the sides of her head, clearly damp, as was her fur, and the dress that she wore. Her arms were secured at her front with a set of handcuffs clamped tightly on her wrists, and there was clear evidence on her cheeks that she'd been crying before being brought here; not all that unexpected, considering where she found herself.

But perhaps the most striking aspect of it all, was the dress that she wore. It had obviously seen better days, and looked like it had been stitched together from whatever bits fabric had been available. It was a sharp, sharp contrast to the well maintained and polished armor worn by the guards that stood on either side of her. Just as it was a sharp contrast to the opulent dress that Celestia herself wore.

"W... what exactly is the defendant charged with, councilor?" Celestia asked, unable to properly comprehend what she was witnessing.

Councilor Hardline looked down at the docket before responding. "Indecent exposure, and resisting arrest, Your Majesty," he stated as he adjusted his glasses.

"Is that so?" Celestia asked rhetorically. "And who was the arresting officer in the case."

"That would be me, Your Majesty, Lieutenant Flak Vest, currently assigned to the Canterlot police department," the guard on the left answered.

"Tell me then, Officer, what exactly were the circumstances behind this incident, that led up to the arrest?" Celestia asked, seeking to get a better understanding of just what she was dealing with.

"Well, Your Majesty, I was assigned patrol duty this morning, among several other acting police officers. And while performing my patrol, I happened upon the suspect who was in an indecent way at the time-"

"Where?" Celestia asked.

"Um, pardon?" the guard asked, confused by the interruption.

"Where exactly did you find the defendant while carrying out your patrol? Was parading about town where everyone could see her?" Celestia asked.

"Um, no, Your Majesty. She was by a pond in a secluded area outside of the town's boundary," he clarified.

"So then no one actually saw her supposed indecency?" she asked, to which the guard nodded. "And what were the circumstances surrounding said indecency? What was she doing at the time you discovered her?"

"At the time of the discovery, the defendant claimed that she was doing her laundry. But there was no laundry to be found except for the dress that she currently has on," the guard explained.

Celestia remained silent a moment. She suspected that she knew the circumstances of the events that transpired and led up to this moment, but she wanted to make sure before she jumped to any conclusions.

"Tell me, little one," she began as she leaned forward, resting her arms on her knees in the process. "Do you have any other clothing?"

The young girl shook her head sadly. "No, Your Majesty," she sniffed, "my family lost our home and almost everything we had in the fires last week. This is the only thing I have to wear."

Celestia's heart ached at hearing the answer she was given. So many had been affected by Nightmare Moon's uprising, it was easy to lose count of what had been lost, and who had experienced the loss themselves.

"You have my sincerest of sympathies, little one, we've all been affected in some way or another," she stated, before sitting back on her throne. "Now then, what about this charge of resisting arrest? What are the circumstances behind that one? Can somepony explain that to me?" she asked.

"It's quite simple, Your Majesty. When Officer Flak Vest informed the defendant that she was under arrest, she failed to comply with his instructions of turning around so she could be restrained. She resisted arrest," Hardline explained calmly.

Celestia was at a loss for words. The reasoning of the prosecutor was so faulty, it simply defied basic logic. All she could do in response was sigh, and pinch the bridge of her nose.

"Tell me, Lieutenant, Councilor, how would you evaluate the state of the kingdom? Would you say that we've fully recovered from the chaos that Discord subjected Equestria to? Are we a prosperous nation once again, with an abundance of resources at our disposal?" she asked as she regarded the two officials before her.

"Well... well no, Your Majesty, I don't believe we are," Hardline stated, uncertain of the line of questioning that he was being presented with.

"No, no we're not. And as I'm sure you're well aware, our situation wasn't the least bit helped by the uprising of Nightmare Moon, and all of the destruction that entailed, correct?" she asked, her tone growing harder as she spoke.

"T-that's correct," Hardline answered uneasily, unprepared for the manner in which he was being addressed.

"Yes, it is correct. Our resources are finite even under the best of circumstances, and must be managed appropriately. And I hardly consider it an appropriate use of resources, to arrest some poor filly who was a victim of circumstances beyond her control, simply because it could be done!" she yelled loudly, startling everyone in the room in the process.

For a moment she didn't say anything, she simply breathed deeply in an effort to calm herself, and steady her nerves before she continued.

"I apologize for my outburst. I realize that neither one of you is a seasoned professional in your assigned fields, and can't be expected to know all the ins and outs of your chosen professions. But that fact aside, it's imperative to remember that compassion is a cornerstone of being public servants, especially in times like these. Is that understood?" she asked, her voice far kinder than it had been just moments prior.

"Yes, Your Majesty," they both replied and nodded.

"Very good then," she said, before turning her attention to the young girl who had been at the center of this entire headache. "As for you, little one, all charges against you are hereby dropped. You're free to go, and you have the court's sincerest of apologies for what you were put through here today," she said as she magically undid the locks on the restraints, causing them to fall to the ground with a clatter.

At being freed the girl immediately went to rubbing her wrists, her entire demeanor far more relaxed than she had been upon her arrival, now that she realized she was no longer in trouble. Celestia couldn't begin to imagine the amount of relief she must have been experiencing. All she could do was wish that she could do more to assist. If it were up to her, the girl and her family would be brought to the palace and lodged until a more permanent solution could be found. But as it was the palace was already housing a number of displaced refugees, whose homes had been destroyed by Nightmare Moon; there simply wasn't enough room for anypony else, considering the amount of damage even the palace had sustained.

"Now then," she said as she turned her attention back to the assembled officials in the courtroom. "I believe we have a serious issue on our hands. When the law either cannot, or rather will not, differentiate between indecency and laundry, there's a serious problem that needs to be addressed. Until the senate can correct this matter appropriately, I'm issuing new guidelines stating that nudity by itself is not grounds enough to warrant either arrest or charges," she explained.

"E-excuse me, Your Majesty, but is that really wise?" Hardline asked. "W-what I mean, is that wouldn't such guidelines inhibit our ability to prosecute those who demonstrate untoward intentions towards others?"

"I hardly believe such would be the case, Councilor. Untoward intentions aren't contingent upon one's state of dress. In fact, allow me to clarify those guidelines further; Public indecency will qualify as untoward intentions towards others, regardless of the state of dress on the part of the accused," Celestia stated firmly. "We will always strive for perfection, but barring that I would rather see a hundred guilty parties to go free, than for even one innocent be sacrificed upon the altar of the law; it's something that I simply won't tolerate."

Satisfied that the matter had been adequately resolved, Celestia leaned back against her throne. Hopefully it would be a few less headache for her to have to suffer through over the next few months, as they continued working to get their kingdom back on track.

Unfortunately as she looked over the her audience, and saw the amount of contempt on the faces of the nobles present, she began doubting that would truly be the case. It was likely that they disapproved of both her verdict and her actions.

"Well then. Two can play that game," she thought to herself. If they didn't approve, then she'd give them something to really disapprove of, since there was little else they could do about it. "Furthermore, so long as they conduct themselves appropriately, the entire kingdom can run around nude for all that I care, as we have far more important matters to focus on, than if somepony is dressed or not."

With that matter resolved, she returned her focus to the one who had unknowingly been the root of this whole debacle, and still present in the room. The young girl who had been brought in had been released, but hadn't yet taken her leave; likely because of all the excitement of the past few minutes.

"Tell me, little one, do you really have nothing else to wear but the dress on your back?" she asked.

"No, Your Majesty," the girl replied once again. "Mama always sewed our clothes for us, because we always needed to put what money we had towards food. Not that there's really been much cloth to buy lately, as even the merchants lost much in the fires. There's just nothing left," she explained.

That ache Celestia had felt in her heart minutes ago had returned in full force, and hurt even more now. And beyond hurting, it filled her with an indignation that made her want to do something, anything, to help those that were most in need. It was absurd that so many had so few, when so few had so much. Just in her case alone, the gaudy gown mocked her with its sheer poofiness. Why, with the yards upon yards of fabric that went into all these damn ruffles one could make...

And then a thought came to her. A thought that seemingly tied everything together in a relatively neat little package.

"Well then. Let's see what we can do about that, shall we?"

There was confusion in the room among the others present as to what Celestia meant. Although the answer quickly came to them as they watched her stand up from her throne, and, with a soft glow of magic, started working at getting out of her dress right in front of them! That confusion quickly led to gasps of surprise and mutterings of disbelief at just what they were witnessing.

Celestia had allowed her advisers to talk her into wearing this opulent, pompous getup, listening to their explanation that it was needed in this time of crisis to convey an image of stability and authority. But as she worked to get out of it, she vowed to have words with whoever had come up with it! It was overly complicated, requiring the assistance of two attendants to get it on and off each day. And that was saying nothing about the corset that was worn underneath it, which was quite literally the most uncomfortable thing she'd ever worn in recent history!

Finally, after much effort on her part, she managed to work her way free from the overly extravagant dress, and throw it to the room's floor with nothing less than utter contempt. The next thing to follow was the blasted corset that was constricting her, the lacing all but ripped out by her magic until finally it fell free from her body.
"Oh that's much better," she stated with a sigh, before stretching in an undignified fashion, and taking the first truly deep breath she'd had since the day had officially started. Now that she was free of the confines of her trappings, she felt much more relaxed than she had been. She could think much more clearly now. Celestia lowered herself onto the floor in a rather unladylike heap with the clothes before her as she set to work unraveling the stitches to turn the dress into usable fabric.

The gasps of surprise of the rest of the court had been silenced by the entire display they'd just witnessed, ending with Princess Celestia lounging completely nude before them, and showing no concern for the image she was presenting in the process. Much to their disbelief she actually looked satisfied with herself! Despite what some might think, she wasn't feeling the least bit self conscious about being exposed to them in such an undignified fashion. Quite the contrary, she felt very satisfied with her actions on this day. In fact she felt an urge to do even more to help out. And she had an idea on just how to do that.

"Sharp Quill," she called, bringing her faithful secretary's attention to the the forefront of the situation. "Please make sure that cloth and clothing are in the aid requests to our nation's allies. In the mean time, please see that the rest of my wardrobe is donated to the tailor's guild immediately, so that it may be similarly processed for those most in need."

Sharp Quill hesitated for but a moment, before asking a single question. “Which portion of your wardrobe, Majesty?”

"All of it. I don't wish to see anything but bare hangers by the end of the day," she stated firmly as she stretched. "If the Princess of the Sun can't stand to experience the cold for herself, then her own subjects stand no chance at it whatsoever."

Sharp Quill simply nodded and jotted down her assigned instructions, dutifully ignoring the heave of Princess Celestia's breasts as she breathed deeply.

This decision pertaining to her wardrobe ultimately proved to be the breaking point for those present. One of the nobles who had been sitting in the audience, equally horrified as the rest, found that he could no longer remain silent, and stood up. "Your Majesty! With all due respect, surely you can't be serious about this! Your entire wardrobe!?”

Celestia slowly turned her attention to the protesting noble, and scowled at him.

"Oh I'm so sorry," she responded, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "I didn't realize that the Princess of the Sun," she clenched her hand into a fist, causing the ribbing of her corset to shatter with metallic pings into tiny slivers "needed your permission in order to run the country as she saw fit," she coolly turned back to her work as the slivers slowly reformed themselves into pins and needles.

Even without the demonstration, the tone in her voice alone would have been more than enough to convince the protesting noble to sit back down, and shut right up. But even with that done, it still didn't satisfy her fully. More still needed to be done.

"I have no authority to dictate what you and the rest of the nobility do with yourselves. But as for myself, I intend to remain nude for as long as my little ponies don't have adequate clothing to cover themselves with. What's good enough for them is good enough for me," she stated firmly as she focused on the lot of them. She considered suggesting to them that the matter would be more quickly resolved if they cared to donate anything of worth to the cause, but she ultimately decided against it. If they couldn't find it within themselves to conclude such on their own, then to Tartarus with the lot of them.

At the moment, however, she had more important things to focus on. She looked to the thread salvaged from the unraveled seams, levitated some up, and threaded it through the eyes of several of the newly created needles to set about rapidly stitching up the cloth remnants of her corset into a serviceable haversack of a sewing bag.

"Now then, little one, this should provide your mother enough fabric to make you, and the rest of your immediate family, something to keep you decently warm," she said as she levitated the discarded cloth off the ground and folded it up, before stepping forward. "Lieutenant Flak Vest. How would you like to redeem yourself?" she asked.

The question served to snap the guard out of his stupor, and bring his attention back to the here and now. Unfortunately it also made him quite aware of the fact that he was now staring right at Celestia's bare breasts, which were right within arm's reach. Not that he would ever dare try and touch them, but still he could.

"Um.. y-yes, Your Majesty?" he asked as he tried to hide the fact he'd been acting less than professional just a moment ago.

"Good then," she said, ignoring his less than stellar moment and levitating the bundle of cloth over into his arms. "Please escort this young lady back to wherever she and her family are currently residing, give them this fabric, and explain the situation to them." she explained.

"Y-yes, Your Majesty, at once," Flak Vest stated, perhaps with far more enthusiasm than he'd meant for.

The young girl, who had previously been weeping over the prospect of punishment for doing her laundry, was once again shedding tears, overwhelmed with everything that had happened in such a short amount of time. Not only was she not in trouble, but the Princess herself was giving her family fabric for new clothing! It was all too much for her to possibly bear.

"Thank you, Your Majesty! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!" she squealed, completely overcome with emotion as she literally threw her arms around the Alicorn ruler.

Celestia was surprised by the sudden enthusiastic embrace, but ultimately did nothing to try and discourage it and gently hugged back.

The guard who wasn't tasked with holding the cloth for delivery, had moved upon seeing her grabbed, but the firmness of her stare caused him to immediately back down once more. Had it not been for that, she was certain he would've grabbed the poor girl and caused her unnecessary harm. And if he had done such, she would have knocked him to the floor with but one wing.

She made a mental note to remind all the royal guards about when it was appropriate to demonstrate compassion, as they likely needed it. Perhaps a refresher in basic threat assessment as well; the girl was literally found naked, so it wasn't like she could be concealing a weapon. Certainly not one that could effectively harm Celestia.

In very short order the current matter had been resolved, and a now very happy girl was eagerly leading the Lieutenant away so her family could set out in assembling some much needed clothing.

With nothing left to say, she turned back and made her way back to the throne, before sitting back down. She hesitated momentarily, caught off guard with how much rougher the cushion seemed against her exposed fur, further reminding her of the fact that she was completely naked, stripped of everything but her crown. She'd been so caught up in her thoughts on how to help out the citizenry, she hadn't bothered to worry about herself. That wasn't so much the case anymore.

But at the same time, she didn't really care. The rough cushion aside, she was much more comfortable now than she had been this week. She felt more at ease than before, now that she was free of that damned dress. With a final deep breath, she sat back in her throne, regal as ever before, her poise and relaxed grace all but daring anyone present to question her decision.

"Alright then, we've spent enough time on this absurdity, let's move on. Councilor Hardline, bring in the next case."

Author's Note

I've wanted to write something for the site for a while, So when I found myself inspired by this post in the nudists and nudity group forum, I had the bare bones of this story hashed out in a few hours. As I said in the description, Charlie_K is co-author, although with all the help he's been in the actual writing it'd probably be more fair to say that I'm his co-author. :twilightsmile:

Anyway, hope you like the story!