Where Are My Balls?

by PRlNCESS CADENCE

Rating: teen
Tags: Pinkie Pie, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Gummy
Length: 1510

Pinkie Pie needs help finding her missing balls

When Pinkie Pie wakes up one day, she remembers how great it is that she has the opportunity to bounce and play all day... at least until she remembers that her bouncy playthings are gone. For the love of Celestia! Who took Pinkie Pie's balls?!

Rated T with a sex tag for inappropriate innuendos.

Published 2016-12-10 03:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-12-10 03:50:01 UTC

Where Are My Balls

Mornings in Ponyville. They always seemed to shimmer and shine, filling the air itself with fragrances of bliss and light that always put a smile on everypony's face, and at the very center of it all was the corner of sugar, sprinkles and serotonin: Sugarcube Corner. Within the highest room of this building, however, lived the spectacle of sweets herself, the prime party planner, the mare of mystery (she wasn't quite sure how she got that title, but she supposed that that was just part of the mystery), Pinkie Pie!

As light peered down from the sky through her windows, illuminating the room in an almost magical luminescence, Pinkie Pie’s eyes burst open, and suddenly she was jumping into the air, blankets and sheets flying in every direction. Upon landing back onto her bed, however, (and after several bounces) a small alligator began to make its way out of her mane, blinking its eyes out of synchronization and sneezing confetti out of his nose.

“Good morning, Gummy! Sleep well?” The alligator remained silent, but to Pinkie, that was just his way of communicating how happy he was. “Me too!! Oh! We have a playdate with the girls and their pets today, don't we? Well, we can't go out with you covered in confetti, can we?” Again, silence. “I’m glad we’re on the same page.”

The perky pink pony then bounced herself off of her bed and went straight to the bathroom with her toothless alligator chomping onto her tail to hang along. Then, as she let warm water fill her bathtub, she pranced along from place to place, grabbing toys and snacks and lots and lots of bubbles, turning the tub into a foamy playground. Just when the water was threatening to overflow, however, Pinkie Pie hopped into the water along with her alligator, splashing water and bubbles all around the room while she giggled fervently.

“Let’s see… Alligator?” Pinkie looked down to make sure Gummy was still in the water with her, and upon seeing a pair of eyes skimming across the surface, she took a checklist out of her wet mane and said, “Check! Bubbles? Check! Checklist? Oh, right! Heehee check! Double frosted red velvet cake? OMNOMNOMNOM! Mmmm cheg! *Gulp* Let’s see. What else? Balls?”

Pinkie Pie then pushed her hoof down into the water and felt around her legs. Porcelain, porcelain, Gummy, more porcelain, but as much as she searched, she came up empty-hoofed, making her eyes go wide as her jaw dropped to the water. Quickly, she stood back up and looked underneath her legs. Gone. Disappeared. Somehow, Pinkie’s balls were not where she always had them, but how?!

“Gummy!” Pinkie then grabbed her alligator out of the water and pressed him to her face. “We have an emergency! Have you seen my balls?” Gummy, however, just blinked one eye at a time before munching on Pinkie’s mane. “Awww! You don't know either? There has to be some kind of explanation! I need to get to the bottom of this, and I think I know--stop it--I think I know just who to ask.”

“TWILIGHT SPARKLE! COME OUT QUICK! THERE’S AN EMERGENCY!”

In the blink of an eye, a bright light appeared right in front of Twilight’s doorstep, nearly making the pink pony bounce backwards at the punctual response. “What’s wrong, Pinkie Pie?” she asked with a panicked tone, and as if on cue, another pony soared down to the ground with her own voice of concern.

“Did something happen?” Rainbow Dash inquired. “Are we in danger again?”

“Worse!” Pinkie exclaimed. “It’s a hundred times worse!”

“Worse?!” said Twilight. “How could things get any worse?!”

“It’s my balls, Twilight! I have a problem with my balls!”

Twilight and Rainbow Dash blinked, then looked at each other, then blinked again as they both tried to subtly gesture to see if either one of them knew what she was talking about. After a shrug from Rainbow Dash, however, Twilight knew that it was up to her to figure out what to do about this situation.

“Really? Well, what’s wrong with them? Why don't we start with that?”

“They’ve gone missing!”

“Oh, dear. This isn't the direction I wanted this to go. Umm… Where was the last place you put them?”

“That’s just the thing! I didn't put them anywhere! I just woke up this morning and POOF! They were gone!”

“Well, maybe you could describe them to me?”

“What do you mean 'describe them’? They're balls! They’re really round, about the size of really big marbles--or really small coconuts--and really fun to play with.” As Twilight began to cringe, Pinkie Pie scooched in closer and whispered, “And between you and me, they’re a little bit on the fuzzy side.”

At this point, Rainbow Dash was doing all she could to hold in her laughter, but she knew her limits, and she knew she wouldn't be able to not crack any jokes at a time like this. Stifling a giggle, she asked, “Are you sure Gummy didn't just accidentally eat them?”

“What?! Gummy would never do something like that!” Pinkie Pie then pulled her toothless alligator out of her mane and pulled his face into hers. “You wouldn't eat my balls, would you? Don't lie to me, Gummy! I can read you like a book!” Gummy, however, just stared back with the same expression he always had. “I know what you’re planning!”

“Maaaaybe we’re going about this the wrong way,” Twilight intervened, pulling Pinkie away from her alligator. “So… uhh… Are these balls that somepony might have wanted? I mean I can't think of why anypony would want to steal them, but--”

Pinkie Pie gasped. “You’re right, Twilight! Somepony must have snuck in when I was asleep and grabbed them! You’d think I would notice since I always keep them snuggled between my legs for warmth, but I can't think of any other reason! Now the question is, who would want my balls so bad that they’d touch them while I was asleep?”

At this point, Rainbow Dash lost it and began laughing hysterically. “I’m sorry!” she said between laughs as she struggled to breathe in. “It’s just--”

“Was it you, Rainbow Dash? I didn't even know you were into balls!”

And just like that, Rainbow had stopped laughing. “Hey, what makes you think I would want them? Here I was doing some cloud-clearing, and being the good friend that I am decided to come down when I think my friend is in trouble, but how do you repay me? By accusing me of taking your hairy--”

“That’s it! Twilight! Do you think you can do a summoning spell?”

“I guess,” Twilight replied with hesitation. “I’ve never done it without actually knowing what the thing I was summoning looked like, though.”

“Don't worry, Twilight. You’ll see them soon enough.”

The purple unicorn grimaced. Seeing Pinkie’s smile, though, (and realizing just how much she wanted this whole conversation to be over) she lit up her horn, swirling a lavender luminescence of magic as she concentrated on her spell. Once Twilight’s magic had started, though, Pinkie Pie found herself being lifted up into the air without any idea of what was going on.

“Twilight? Are you sure you have the right spell?”

“Quiet, Pinkie! I’m bringing your balls back, but in order for this to work, I need total concentration.”

The pink pony closed her mouth, but she couldn't help the weird feeling she was getting from being covered head to hoof in magic. Then, suddenly, she felt something happening between her legs. Looking down beneath her, she gulped as she saw her tail twitch and shake and jitter and jive, flying back and forth in every direction until--

Plop.

Twilight then lowered Pinkie Pie to the ground, switching expressions between the earth pony and what had just fallen out of her tail. “Umm… Pinkie? Are those--”

“MY BALLS!” Without hesitation, Pinkie Pie threw her hooves around the two rubber balls, both covered in Pinkie’s fuzzy tail fur. Rainbow Dash switched her unenthused gaze to Twilight, who slapped her hoof in her face with frustration. “Thanks, Twilight! I’d totally forgot! I put them there last night so I wouldn't lose them. I was so worried that somepony might have run away with them. They are Gummy's favorite bath toys after all. Well, see ya later, girls!”

Pinkie then pranced back to Sugarcube Corner to finish up with her bath, bouncing the rubber spheres in her tail while Gummy rode silently on her back. Again, Rainbow Dash looked over at Twilight to make sure she saw everything right, but Twilight’s hoof would not move from her face.

“Sooo…” the pegasus began, “I’m gonna go back to cloud-clearing. I’ll see you around.”

With a large gust behind her, Rainbow Dash then took off into the air with multicolored smoke trailing behind her, leaving her friend there to sulk in her frustration. Finally, with a sigh, Twilight put her hoof back onto the ground.

“I wish I had balls.”