When You're Evil

by Spirit Shift

Rating: everyone
Tags: Original Character, Comedy, Slice of Life, DJ P0N-3, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rarity, Other
Length: 4472

Using her psychic powers, newly freed crystal pony Crystal Gaze just wants to make an honest living with her power. However, when she runs into the spirit of karma themself, her life goes from strange to stranger.

Free from the Crystal Empire's cursed clutches, Crystal Gaze sets up shop in modern Manehatten in order to make use of her special talent in this new age. That talent, of course, is being a psychic who can tell vague futures, predict possible love interests, and even better, not see ghosts. That's what she intended to do anyway. But, when the malicious spirit of misfortune and karma decides that her home is now his new playground, she'll have to work even harder to make an honest living in a world where the concept of non-unicorn psychics is less than reputable.

Story inspired by Voltaire's When You're Evil
Cover Art still in progress.

Published 2016-10-04 20:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-10-04 20:20:01 UTC

The Game Begins

“H-hello,” the pony stammers out. Delicately, she places her white coated bottom in one of the plush chairs on the other side of my table.

However, judging from how hard she’s trying to hide her appearance with her bright red shawl covering her mane, large bejeweled sunglasses, and even larger feather jacket that just barely hid her flank from view, I’d say that this obviously fashion forward pony would rather not be known to visit fortune tellers like me.

“I don’t blame you for being nervous, Miss. Rarity,” I say, tilting my head and giving a gentle smile.

She jumps in place, shocked I’m guessing. Looking behind her, she leans in close and tilts her sunglasses down. “How did you know who I was? Psychic powers? Precognition?”

I just giggle. “No, I‘m just observant. I noticed your clothes. They’re really nice, right out of a fashion magazine. I think I remember those clothes were specifically categorized right under your cutie mark’s section.” I couldn’t help but give a wry grin, I never could when I felt that I was being clever or smart. I mean, who couldn’t?

Rarity catches my hint and looks down at her cutie mark that just peeks out from under her jacket. Sighing, she removes her sunglasses entirely and holds out a hoof for me to shake.

“I’m sorry for the, err… attempted secrecy, but I have a few friends that don’t believe in things like curses or psychic powers,” she grins sheepishly. “I didn’t want them noticing me and getting curious. No need for any disagreements to break out, yes?

I nod, “It’s alright, not a lot of ponies do.” I reach up with my left hoof and pull aside the bangs of my auburn mane to display my lack of a horn. “Some ponies can fake them by using magic, so most ponies think I’m a liar when I say that I can see things without using it.”

Rarity nods in agreement. “Destiny is a magic all its own and can grant you talents other ponies don’t have. If your cutie mark tells you that you can see spirits and predict that future, who am I to tell you--”

“I can’t see ghosts!” I blurt out. Nervously, I look away from her. “I uh… just want to make that clear. I can’t see them.”

Crap now she’s staring at me and we’re stuck in an awkward silence. Luckily, Rarity seems to dislike it as much as I do.

“Now,” she lets out a tiny cough into her hoof, the gesture seeming to do more signal that the time for idle chat is over rather than just to clear her throat.

“On to business then.” Nailed it! “I know you know my name, and I saw yours on the sign outside. But for the sake of proper direct introductions, my name is Rarity. I’m a fashion designer from Ponyville."

I nod, understandable for someone so proper. Introductions are a fancy way of getting someone's name out of them. I put a hoof to chest and announce, “My name is Crystal Sight, I’m a fortuneteller from Manehattan.”

Rarity holds out a hoof, obviously going full business mare mode. I shake it and she starts, “The reason I’m here is… well, rather embarrassing honestly.”

“You want to know about your future love life?” I ask.

She jumps again and I try and fail to hide another semi-smug grin. “H-how did you…?”

I shake my head. “Still not using my talent, I just see a lot of mares asking that question. I can also guess that you have had a few flings, a few crushes, but a lot of them didn’t work out. So now you’re starting to doubt that ‘prince charming’ actually exists?”

Rarity, to my surprise, actually gave a rather funny look of utter disgust and disdain. Both eyes narrow and focus completely to the side while her frown was, for lack of a better phrase, ‘so deep it could explore the bottom of the sea’, as my mother would probably say. She’s a marine biologist by the way.

“No…” she muttered sullenly, “I know prince charming is out there but I want no part of him. In fact I would rather take a handsome but poor worker over that poor excuse for royalty.” With her last statement she let out a rather derisive harrumph.

The only thing running through my mind was how I would deal with the irony if I had this “prince charming” as a vision for her future possible lover. Laughter sounds like a good enough prediction of my actions if that were the case.

I cough into my hoof, actually clearing my throat though. “So, you would like me to try to have a vision of who your destined pony might be?” She nods in affirmation. “Alright then, let me just lay out the rules. If I try I can receive a vision of what you’re looking for, by my predictions are not one hundred percent clear or accurate, alright. Love, specifically, is not my forte. We have a princess for that anyway.”

Rarity puts a hoof to her mouth and chuckles. “No, that’s exactly what I want. I don’t want a perfectly clear cut answer. What I want is a hint, no more, no less. If you told me who it is exactly there would be no fun in it, no fun in figuring out the puzzle, darling.”

I like this pony. “Alrighty then,” I exclaim, clapping my hooves twice. “You can pay afterwards if you’re satisfied. Let’s begin.”

The time for levity ceases. I close my eyes and concentrate on an image in my mind. My cutie mark appears as usual. Most ponies have a crystal ball as an on-desk prop, mine lies on my flank. A crystal ball with the image of a closed eye within. But when I channel my talent, and envision the mark in my mind, the eye opens, and I feel like I’m staring back into my own hazelnut colored iris.

At the corner of my senses I hear Rarity let out a small gasp. I guess my coat is doing that crystal-y thing again. I know other crystal ponies take pride in it but I just think its weird, especially with my... odd colours.

But back to work. In the pupil, I see visions of what I need to see. Love is what I need today. I need to see who this pony will love.

The dark pupil becomes white and I see the image of something, and somepony. The image is actually strangely clearer than usual. I open my mouth and speak. “I see a pony, I think they have a grey coat. They’re a pegasus.”

This is when Rarity gets excited. I can tell from how the weight of the table just shifted. “Does he live in Ponyville?”

I can’t help but grin. Where they live? That’s a hard one. I concentrate and try to zoom out of the blurry figure to the area around them. I do see what I recognize to be Ponyville, not many towns have Ponyville’s distinct crystal tree castle. But wait, the image changes towards a cloudy white. A bit more concentration and the white shifts.

“It seems this pony likes to travel between Cloudsdale and Ponyville a lot. I can’t tell where they live for sure,” I say, a tint of uncertainty in my voice.

Rarity begins muttering to herself, just loud enough so that I could hear her without having to divert concentration from my image. “Hmm I could have sworn I knew most of the Ponyville stallions. This one must live in Cloudsdale but work in Ponyville. Interesting.”

I start feeling a faint pulsing in the back of my skull. “Anything else?” I ask.

“Oh, darling is there any chance you could deduce their age?”

“Not a chance,” I reply without a second thought.

“Hair colour?” she asked, her voice lacking a bit of the excited enthusiasm the other line had.

I think for a second. “Hold on.” A bit of mental preparation later I force the image to become clearer and the faint pulsing slowly builds into a light thumping. “They have a yellow mane. A bit too unkempt for my tastes but it’s probably the wind’s fault.”

Rarity gasps. “A windswept mane? That sounds positively bold! Is there anything else I should know?”

Just as I was about to tell her one other detail I noticed, a rather heavy thump pulsed through my head and the image vanishes. I’m left holding my head and laying it on the table. Rarity, for her part, probably sees me in pain. It would explain why she has a hoof on my back.

“Darling? Are you alright?” she gasps.

I raise a hoof and wave her off. “I’m fine, just a small headache. It’s not even hangover level, so I’m sure it’ll go away after I get something to drink.”

I hear rustling and I inch my head up to see Rarity bringing out a thermos from her bag. With her magic she twists off the top and begins pouring what looks like green tea. “What’s in there?” I ask?

“I never leave home without a bit of calming tea. Today is herbal tea. I learned the recipe from a friend of mine who lives in the forest. I’m glad I brought this tea with me. It’s meant to soothe headaches from what I’ve been told.”

Finishing her story, she passes the lid of the thermos, now the cup, over to me. I stare at it for a second. I never did trust any drink poured from a thermos. Actually I don’t like thermoses and flasks in general. Honestly, I could probably blame my sister for that. But in her defense, she is the same way about wheels on carts.

I wince from another thump and take it anyway. Leaving no time for hesitation, I down the drink. Honestly all tea really does taste like piss to me. But, she’s no liar, the thumps quickly die back down into faint pulses.

I’m guessing the look on my face gives it away because Rarity’s got a proud look on her’s. Honestly, it annoys me when anyone but me has a smug look.

“Thank you for the tea. It worked,” I tell her, giving a small smile. Piss water or not it did the job.

With her magic she sits the entire thermos down on the table. I realise that the cannister is the length of my leg. How she got that to fit in her purse is beyond even my vision. “Please, take the rest, you seem like you’d need it more often in your line of work. In fact…” She reached back into her purse and, in a light blue glow, pulled out what looked like the recipe. “Take this as well.”

I just give her a narrowed eyed look. “I know that you’re supposed to be generous… but why are you giving me both.”

She lets out a scoff and waves her hoof at me. “If you give the pony an apple they’ll eat for a day, teach a pony to farm and they’ll eat indefinitely. Well I just figure why not do both. Because now you know the tea works and you’ll want more of it.”

My expression relaxes I just stare at her. Not totally understanding the metaphor since farming actual edible food takes more than one day. She’d probably have to supply the materials and food until everything can be picked. In the end I just nod.

“Yeah… thank you,” I say.

Rarity trots closer past the table and takes my hoof with her own. “No, thank you, darling. Now I know that love is far closer than I thought.” Her smile could outshine Celestia’s sun. “So thank you for rekindling my romantic dreams.”

Her bright attitude is infectious and I can’t help but smile in return. “Of course, it’s why I do this. I’m glad to see you so happy with your future.” I pull her forward and bring her into a big hug.

Shut up, I like hugs so sue me.

Obviously, she seems to be used to them so she takes it in stride and hugs back with equal kindness.

“But anyway, I should be getting back to my hotel,” she says, taking a step back and reaching back into her purse with magic. “I came to Manehattan today to scout out another possible store location when I saw a lovely couple pass me by. I guess you can say I starting thinking about my own love life. Either way, here is your pay.”

In another flash of blue, several bits were deposited on my table. From my quick count it seemed there were a few more bits than what was posted on the sign outside. But in the same thought, I don’t think it was an accident.

Obviously though I think she felt the need to elaborate. “I left a few extra bits there as well. Mostly as a tip, but because I think a day at the spa would be lovely for your coat. Such a rare colour combination you have, I would love to see it in top form.”

Ah, I’m guessing she’s talking about my dark caramel colored coat and auburn mane. I don’t think it’s super rare as far as normal ponies go, just not super common. As for baths… ehh. As long as I don’t smell, I don’t think it’s a bad thing.

But Rarity proves that she’s pretty perceptive too when she continues. “I know that look,” she states, pointing to my face. “My two rowdy friends have that same look of ‘as long as I don’t smell like a rotting dumpster it’s fine if I don’t look pristine.’ Well be that as it may, you have a very niche business and I would hate for you to lose customers because of your appearance. Not to mention you’re such a pretty looking mare too if your coat wasn’t so unkempt. In fact, I couldn't even tell you were a crystal pony until a few minutes ago. I must say you looked marvelous when it happened.”

“Oh no, not this speech again. I get enough of it from my showboating sister,” I think. I barely keep from rolling my eyes. "Please, don't worry about it, I really don't care about any of that, honestly."

She pauses for a second and presses a hoof to her chin. “Nevertheless, I think I would like to help you expand your business from this out of the way corner of Manehattan towards Canterlot. You’d be surprised at how many paranoid unicorns believe in psychics.”

Alright… that was a useful bit of information. “I’ll think about it. If you want, come back tomorrow when I’m not busy. For now it’s a bit late. You should get back home.”

Rarity shuffles her hooves nervously as the exact time of day settles back into her mind. “Ah… yes, I forgot how late it was when I arrived here. I should be going.” She takes a step back and tilts the curtains of my tent open, moonlight passing through the crack. “Please though, think about my offer. Talent like yours should not go unnoticed.”

I hate crowds… and attention… but I appreciate the sentiment and follow her outside the tent. We wave to each other and she begins walking down the path perpendicular to my tent. The moon is completely out now, I see. I perform a silent prayer so that Luna will watch over this kind pony on her way…

What was that? Something just moved in the alley across from my tent. It’s too dark to see but I have a bad feeling. See, I live in a rather large tent stationed on the very corner of Manehatten’s southern district. The city as a whole was a pretty good place, but even then it has shadows. Most Manehattan ponies can take care of themselves in the southern district, even the rich ones can give a good enough fight if provoked.

But something tells me Rarity wasn’t raised in Manehattan.

Sighing, I close my eyes and concentrate.

What I immediately see is enough to have me running before I can even open my eyes.

~~~

Crossing a street, getting yelled at by a cab driver in the process, I bolted towards where my vision told me there was going to be an ambush. I admit it… I’m kind of freaking out now. Even I can’t fight off four ponies at once while surrounded.

Hopping over a fence, I take a shortcut through an alleyway towards the one opposite it. By this point Rarity would have noticed the stallion following her and begin running away. She’ll probably be chased by one stallion into a corner surrounded by three more.

With that being the likely option, I'd need to catch Rarity and take her in a different direction, but I’d need to be fast. Luckily I know the layout of this part of the city. While the rest of Manehattan was filled with skyscrapers and large businesses, these parts were largely smaller and more packed, with more alleyways and shortcuts to go through between buildings.

Coming out of the alley and back onto the main street, I look both ways. To my horror I can see Rarity running from the stallion. Both of them are too far away and I start to fear the worst.

But then I see Rarity make a right turn.

“There’s my chance!” I mutter. Starting forward I keep going in the same direction I have been. Easily climbing the fence, I go through another alley way to see if I can cut Rarity off. She’ll have to make another right turn and come back down this street, there’s no other way to go unless she climbs a fence or gate. Honestly, I don’t see that happening.

“So, I’m gonna need you to stop for a second,” a voice rings out in the darkness.

I skid to a stop just at the edge of the alley where a dark stallion stood, no taller than I was. From what I could tell in the dark of the night he had a navy blue coat and longish dark red hair that seemed to sway and shift slightly in the night air.

“Move!” I yell. “My friend is in trouble!”

The stallion just smirks and I immediately get agitated for a different reason. “Yeah I really can’t do that. This pony kinda has this coming.”

I take a step back, mouth agape in awe. “Are you… are you with them? Are you the one in charge of this ambush?”

The stallion sucks his teeth and averts his gaze. “Well…” he hesitates. “Yes and No… it’s kinda complicated.”

Before he could explain more a white blur passes by the entrance of the alley, screaming for her life. A dark grey stallion was in close pursuit.

“I’m too late…” I mutter. Then I get angry and swing at the stallion. “Move, you asshole, I need to help her!” He easily dodges my punch by shifting to the left. I take the chance to run out of the alley and onto the street.

Running down the way I saw Rarity go, my head turns from side to side looking for her. I don’t see anything down the path except for more small, closed stores. I guess she must have tried to go down an alley… right where they were waiting for her.

“Rarity,” I yelled, looking out towards the nearest alley between two small buildings. Not seeing anything, I run across the street towards the one perpendicular to me. No use. Taking a deep breath I start to try yelling again but before I do I hear the worst possible sound.

“Sompony hel-” My head snaps around to one of the further alleyways. That was Rarity’s voice. Bursting down the street, I nearly trip over myself trying to run to where I heard the voice come from.

“I’d stop if I were you.” Out of the corner of my eye, standing in the shadow of a passing street turn, I could see that stallion again, but I’m not going to stop just because he’s there.

Skidding to a stop just at the mouth of the turn, I glare into the darkness. Immediately I see four stallions leaning over a fallen mare.

“Hey!” I yell without thinking. Immediately the stallions, their faces and cutie marks masked by the darkness, turn to me and begin whispering to each other. “Get away from her before I rip each of your tails out and make each of you eat the other's,” I scream. Not my best insult, but the first thing I can think of. I can only hope the shadows are working as much in my favor is it is theirs.

Looks like it either worked or they don’t think I’m worth it as they all turn and run away. Making sure it’s not an ambush or trick, I run over to Rarity.

“Rarity!?” I yell, falling to the ground next to her. “Rarity are you… oh Celestia.” I lean down and see the nice beautiful mare from before laying unconscious, her head bleeding profusely and a blindfold covering her eyes with a second one wrapped around her horn. Her purse and all of her clothes are gone, she was bruised in places and… I need to get her to a hospital.

As I gazed into the darkness, I could see her left leg twisted at an unnatural angle, the fur sticking upwards where a sharp shaft of bone had snapped through the muscle and was protruding against the skin. Blossoms of red were starting to spread across her previously rich white coat in slowly expanding rings.

Extremely carefully, I angle my head to push her onto my back. There’s no way I can do it without moving her leg but I try my very best to get her saddle-side.

“Let’s see,” I start muttering to myself, “the nearest hospital is about a mile away, I think. Maybe it’d be easier to see if I can catch a cart?”

“Or! Or…” I swear to Celestia I’m going to go on a rampage if this night gets any worse. I turn around to see, yet again, the same pony. “You could just put her down right there in the dirt and leave things as they are. Somepony will find her whether you do something or not.”

“Why?” I yell, unable to control myself. “So you and your bastard friends can come back and kidnap her or something?”

He just smirks a crooked grin and I can feel myself begin to grind my teeth. “Oh please, I already called the cops on them and told the police where they’re going.” He starts trotting forward while I take a few steps back.

“I… you what? But you let them chase her! You could have stopped them!” I say, pointing a hoof at him. “Why’d you wait until after she was attacked?”

He stops in front of me and eyes Rarity with the same look. “Now why would I stop them? Kinda defeats the purpose of going through the trouble of hiring and siccing them on her in the first place.”

I take a step back without thinking, my mind reeling in confusion. “What… what the hell is wrong with you?! Why do you…?” I let out an loud angry growl and try to sprint past him. “I don’t have time for this, do whatever you want, I need to-”

It was then that the ground came up to meet my face. I can only assume that this asshole is standing behind me holding his leg out… You know… like an asshole.

“You’re a calm person… You’re a calm person… anger clouds the mind, don’t you freaking lose control or you won’t be able to use your talent later,” I tell myself in my head.

I blink and I realized that I was halfway through throwing a punch in his direction. Weird since I can’t remember getting up.

He dodges to the left and my legs buck out without me telling them too. I only take a small bit of satisfaction in the fact that they must have at least hit his side.

Instead, I don’t hit anything and I fall, grunting as my chest thumps the ground. “What the hell?”

Something else thumps my head and I look up to see the asshole standing over me, prodding me in the head.

“Are you done?” he asks. “I hope you are, because attacking random ponies?” he says with a fake offended tone. “You don’t want Karma coming to get you now do you?”

I groan and try slapping his hoof away with mine, but even that misses. Either way I get up. “I don’t believe in karma,” I mutter. Trying to forget about him I run back over to Rarity. I realize that she must have fallen when I was tripped. I hope to Celestia that her hoof isn’t any worse.

“You know,” I can hear him start. I try ignoring the fact that I can feel his grin as I gingerly place Rarity back on my back. “That’s really ironic coming from a fortune teller who can see ghosts,” he finishes.

“I can’t see ghosts,” I say, walking away. I can’t deal with him anymore. It doesn't seem like he actually wants to stop me either. I think he just wants to be an annoyance...

And an asshole.

“You know,” there he goes again, “I think you can. I mean, you can see me clear as day. I actually think daddy Shattered Gaze would be proud that his little puppet really did inherit his gift after all.”

I freeze in place. “I… how do you… What?” I sputter.

“Dammit!” I curse internally. It’s the only clear thing in my mind right now. There are so many questions I wanna ask him, things I wanna say, but I need to get Rarity to safety. Feelings conflict with the questions in my head. However, something wet drips onto my back and I blink, snapping back to the present. My mind clears and I immediately know what it is.

I run out onto the street before my mind fogs up again with indecision. Everything else can wait, if nothing else, I at least need to help the bleeding mare on my back.

Author's Note

Yaaaay new story!! Yaaayyyy evil!! Yaaaay Crystal Ponies. I hope you all enjoy my story, this is the first 1st person story I've done so please feel free to leave criticism and comments below.