The mare walks through the doorway, to her home that doubles as her own shop. Flowers, banners, and floral decorations coat the store from top to bottom. Rows of orders piled on the counter, a clock ticking down to the later hours, and benches for customers that come in the morning. The light of the moon filters through well cleaned windows, shades casting shadowy rugs upon the floor. In the center of the room is an ornate rose themed rug, her eyes drawn to it the mare sheds a tear. Closing the door behind her, she takes a look at what she has built.
The best flower shop in Ponyville, she even gets orders from Canterlot elite three times a month. Built from the ground up with hard work, it's gone from a little flower stand in the market to her dream. Her floral arrangements win top prizes every year, and nobody can grow the variety of roses she has available. Yes, she is living the dream she wanted as a filly, working with flowers and bringing smiles to others. She has been responsible indirectly for many events going well in this town and beyond. All with her perfectly designed arrangements for each occasion. She thought maybe, after all this, those who tried to steer her away would finally be proud of her.
But tonight had proven that idea wrong. It had been dinner with her long distant parents. Her brother was a Lieutenant in the Solar Guard now; they went on about his achievements through the night. She had prepared a special arrangement just for this event. Yet, though it adorned their table at the cafe's top floor dining hall, nopony noticed. Not once did her parents comment on what was obviously her work.
Not even when the custom flower and hay salad came out, with flowers she had grown for this night in it, did the subject change. Not a word, but they went on about how great her brother was. How far he had come, and how she should go join the Equestrian Peace Initiative and leave this town.
How her way obviously wasn't working, and she should just go back to Marelington with them and get a retail job. The mare tried to get a word in edgewise but each time she tried...
Roseluck would open her mouth to speak, tremors in her voice.
"But Mom, Dad, I grew the flowers in the.."
And each time her father interrupted her.
"Flowers, Flowers, Flowers, all you talk about is flowers. For years you told us how you would be a famous florist, and where has it gotten you? Nowhere! You live in a tiny little town, most likely living in a dingy apartment. You have no job and no money to show for it. Your brother on the other hand, a Lieutenant in the Solar Guard. Great pay, great job, and he worked retail before he got there. He did things the right way, the way I did before him, and it worked. "
As she recalls her words Roseluck begins to let loose a stream of tears.
"But dad, I am a..."
Her father glared at her, exploding and screaming in her face like always.
"Don't you dare talk back to me young mare! You've done nothing with your life but play with stupid flowers! You have no right to talk to me in that tone, I'm your father! Do you know how hard I worked to get where I am? Do you think this all just fell into my hooves? I worked jobs your pathetic, entitled, dainty hooves wouldn't dream of touching. I know how the world works, and you had better listen. Oh wait you didn't, you went off to play with flowers, and now you are a nobody living in this tiny town. A failure who lies to her parents about being a famous florist!"
Roseluck's tears increase as she walks forlornly to the other side of the shop, remembering the disaster of a dinner. Her parents had always been like this, ever since she announced she was going to be a Florist instead of something traditional. They would scream at her, or her father would as her mother justified it. She couldn't count the amount of sleepless nights he had caused, the tears shed could fill a lake. The screaming and shouting had dragged her down so far, and her parents refused to acknowledge the awards she won in contests. They would scream at her, telling her she was doing everything wrong, threatening her with life on the street. Ripping apart her inner self, destroying her confidence, raising a sea of turmoil that threatened to engulf her. Part of why she had left for Ponyville had been to escape it all.
When she had arrived, by sheer luck or fate, the store she lived in now had a top floor for rent. The old hobby shop owner agreed to let her stay for almost nothing. She had access to the garden, and the old stallion was supportive of her choice to work with flowers. That had been the first time she had been truly happy. Running her cart back and forth from the market, forging connections, and talking with the old timer about how similar their two jobs were. He sold tools for hobbyists to make them happy, and she sold flowers to aid in expressing what could not be said in mere words. When the old stallion had gotten to the age he could no longer work, he had given her the store. Roseluck was so happy, and he had told her to think nothing of it. After all, he had a feeling she would make it someday. He just wanted to help her fulfill her dream, of bringing flowers and joy to the world.
Her shop became a fast almost overnight success, and Roseluck had taken to breeding her own floral varieties. It did not take long for word of her to spread, and soon she was getting so many orders she had to hire assistants. Her dream had come true, and everybody should have been happy for her. But the two ponies who were supposed to love her most, didn't believe a word of what was happening.
Even after creating the floral decorations for the wedding of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and Prince Shining Armor, they called her a liar. Telling her how wrong she was, how she'd failed, how she could have been great if she'd done things their way. Then speaking in grand terms of her sibling, her perfect solar guard brother. It took it's toll, and she had ended up distancing herself from them.
This dinner, was her attempt to heal the old wounds. But instead, it had ripped them wider than before, and all the poor mare felt inside was emptiness and hurt. It was like it had been years before, and this time..
Roseluck had reached her goal, hooves planted in front of a an unusual plant. It's leaves were mint green frosted looking fronds spread like a fan, with an odd frost grey coloration on the extremities. Her eyes focused on it, and her tears slowed their flow. From her lips, words filled with sorrow and exhaustion murmur into an empty room.
"Nothing I do...will ever make them happy. I'll never be good enough..I'm not worth the air I breathe," the words catch in her throat.
A few snot filled sniffles later the mare lovingly reaches out a hoof, and snaps off a large length of the plant's fronds. Staring at the plant in her hand, it's sweet and minty aroma filtering through her nostrils, she gave a few more sniffs. Hesitatingly, she reached back with her other hoof, balancing on her rear legs, and pulled out a note. Placing it on the counter by the odd plant, she manages to put her hoof back down before losing balance. She is never listened to by her family, merely put down and treated like worse than dirt. Even her friends don't want to hear of her woes. They laugh it off telling her to see a shrink, she never gets a say. But now, she will finally have a say in one thing, the final word on her dream and life.
Turning she gazes around the store once more, her dream come true. A dream that would never satisfy her parents, nothing she did would. Except maybe one single thing, one that this plant in her hand could aid with. She brings it to her mouth, the sweet minty aroma tickling the top of her lips making them numb. Hesitating for a second, she opens her jaw and promptly bites down on the plant.
The sweet minty flavor rushes through her mouth, a sickening tang filling her gums as she chews it. Fighting the urge to spit it out, as some primal part of her brains screams to stop, the mare chews faster. In a few minutes the entire frond is gone, and with one last swallow, so are her worries. Knowing what is to come, she lays down on the floor on top of the rose themed rug. Waiting for the effects to kick in, to take away her pain.
Her eyes drift to the moonlight, from this angle delicately framed by ornate flowers of all varieties. A smile graces her lips, despite knowing what is to come she can't help it. After all this arrangement before her is so beautiful, even if she can't feel anything anymore.
Without warning her body seizes up, then the mare begins to shudder violently. Tremors erupt from every nerve in her body, growing in strength as a pain in her abdomen grows. Her pupils dilate, as the tremors grow to body wracking convulsions. Mint green foam rises from her stomach, flying out of her mouth onto everything within range. Her body contorts into impossible angles as the convulsions grow in power, undulating from all regions at once. Roseluck's head bangs against the floor as the convulsions grow in strength, her body lifting partially from the ground and then slamming back down. Each time causing bruising on another section, though the mare can't feel her skin anymore.
The pain in her abdomen grows worse, and mid convulsion without warning, her bladder empties. Urine and fecal matter explode outward in a shower, hitting the counter before her where orders lay waiting. Such a thing was unavoidable, and will not harm her business to much. Not like it will matter in a few minutes.
Roseluck can't feel her face anymore, or any muscles at all. The only thing she can feel is the beating of her heart, and the pain in her abdomen. The heartbeat is rapid, as foam flies from her mouth it seems to be trying to stop whatever process has taken hold. Still as the pain in her gut reaches it's peak, she feels lighter than she ever has before. As her kidneys stop working, she feels as if she is floating. Her other organs follow suit, slowly lightening her sense of awareness.
Is this what freedom feels like?, the mare thinks as her body seems to slow in it's convulsions. Her heart is beating slower as well. At a pace matching the rate she feels more like air, as each beat takes longer to reverberate through her ears.
Bathumpbathump
bathump bathump
bathump bathump
bathump
bathump
bathump
bathump
Roseluck can no longer see images, everything is blurry.
bathump
The last thing her eyes perceive vividly, her last sight, is of the flowers lit by moonlight.
Ba thump
ba.....
thump
ba
ba
ba
..........................................
The moonlight shines through the window, gracing the flowers with a shine that seems like morning dew. It moves further into the dark flower shop, moving up over the still body of a mare. Her buttercream body and rose red and pink hair lay sprawled upon a rose themed carpet. Tints of mint green stain her mouth, and the counter in front of her is soiled. She seems peaceful now, though her eyes star blankly at the ceiling as if dazed. But no light shines from them, they are flat like glass, merely mirrors with no pony to gaze through them at the world.
Upon the shelf nearby is a note, placed next to an unusual plant. Specifically one whose common name is Wormwood or Mugwort, often used in herbal salves, absinthe, and anti parasite potions. The words and script on the note are blurred in some spots, dried droplets of water visible on the page. The paper itself is custom ordered, with a rose in the far upper left hoof corner.
It reads:
I'm sorry nothing I do is good enough, my worth is less than dirt.
And though you say you love me, all you do is hurt.
I finally made it mom and dad, and it's still not enough for you.
My friends don't want to hear my problems, the shrink said to talk to you.
But all you did was rip me to bits, tear what I'd built back down.
Because I didn't do things your way, you hate me with a frown.
I made the arrangement on the table, grew the flowers in the soup.
Hoping for once you'd appreciate me, be impressed by what I do.
All I wanted from you was support, or at least for you to care.
But no you only care for my brother, I'm a loser in the air.
Well now you need not worry, I know where I don't belong.
This world doesn't need one like me, to waste energy on.
So for once I decided to get a word in, to explain what I do today.
This is how it all ends, this is my final say.
Love the worthless failure who no longer walks this earth,
Roseluck Floria
Author's Note
This was inspired by days I have myself at times, I'm sure others do too.
This is the start of a depressing series, there will be four tales guaranteed total, and was written on a night I almost did what Roseluck has done.
Every artist, writer, and great mind has pain inside; and though we seem strong sometimes it pushes us to the breaking point. Whether we can turn away from that temptation, of everything ending and the pain going away, for a chance however meager of a better tomorrow. That is a question some face far too often.
